Chapter 12: Queen

The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.

—African Proverb

I met Kushida at the front door of my apartment. She was leaning against the wall, appearing exhausted. Her blonde bangs were matted to her forehead with sweat. She must have been waiting here for a while. I opened the door and let the two of us in.

"Ugh… I spent the entire time singing at karaoke with them, Class B. So many friendly and outgoing people," Kushida looked beyond irritated. That meant Ichinose had either left early or not joined in the festivities. "My social battery is pretty high, but not that fucking high…"

She continued ranting to me as I started cooking dinner.

"That fucking bitch Horikita… I can't believe I got saved by her fuck, fuck… But you were really the one who saved me, right, Kiyotaka-kun…"

I nodded my head. If I hadn't spoken, Horikita likely never would have come to the realization that private points could be used to manipulate test points on this exam. Still, Horikita had played a part in saving her, even though I had ignited the fire. But Kushida was able to perform an impressive amount of mental gymnastics to ignore that. Kushida and I sat down to eat dinner after I had prepared something simple.

"Fucking Horibitch, I hate her so much, looking down on me all the time…" Kushida growled angrily.

"Hey, why do you hate Horikita so much?"

"Hm? Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah. But if you don't want to, then it's fine."

"No, I'll tell you." Kushida suddenly looked up, regarding me with her extraordinarily pink eyes. I stopped eating, too.

"You're quite popular, Kiyotaka-kun. You get it, right? How everyone fawns over you when you're the best." I slowly nodded my head.

"I'm popular, too. In part because I'm cute, somewhat smart, and a little bit athletic. But obviously, there are girls cuter than me, and many who are smarter or more athletic. That's just how it works."

"Do you hate losing? Whether it be a question of looks, academic performance, singing, or even video games, it's only natural to feel frustrated when you lose to someone else at something you're supposed to excel at."

I understood her sentiment. I used to feel it often—the feeling of losing, that is. The feeling of not being adequate enough, so that you were afraid that you might be disposed of the next day…

Yes, that feeling was quite familiar to me. Even though I had left it behind a long time ago, I could still remember it vividly. Clearly.

"I hate losing far more than the average person does," Kushida stated as if it were a matter of fact. "Every time I lose to someone I know, it shakes me to the core. Every loss deepens the darkness within my heart. I once vomited from the intense emotional stress that losing caused me."

Kushida had an obsession with winning, but she wasn't skilled enough to win at everything.

"Reality is cruel. I know I'm not average, but I'm not a genius like you, either. I can't win at everything. When I was a child, people fawned over me every time I completed even a small task. They called me a genius, a child prodigy, a wunderkind. It felt wonderful, it made my heart dance. You understand the feeling, right? Feeling valued in some special way. When you get the highest score on a test, or win first place in a race, everyone's eyes are on you. You know those moments when people shower you with attention? They'll call you amazing, cool, cute, and so on."

I didn't comprehend the sentiment, but many humans would feel that way, and let the praise get to their heads. It was a common human emotion—ego. People naturally desired the approval of others. In fact, working hard enough to earn praise for accomplishments was fundamental to how human society functioned. Kushida began to twirl her chopsticks in her hand absentmindedly.

"You could say that I was the hero, the class idol. I loved that. I was the absolute best at everything—until I started junior high. Then people began to overtake me in multiple aspects. There were certain people that I just couldn't beat, and that ate at me, so I searched for an escape. I wanted to find something that I could never lose at, that I could excel in and claim to be the best. I wanted everyone to respect and envy me. I think I'm addicted to that feeling. More so than normal people, I can't help but want to show off."

"I couldn't achieve that in academics or sports, of course. It just wasn't possible, and coming second or third wasn't nearly enough to sate me. No one cares about second or third—all eyes are on first place, naturally. So, I thought I'd do something that no one else could—be kinder and nicer than everyone else. I decided to get people to trust me instead. They'd love me more than anyone else. I would extend my hand in friendship to everyone: to disgusting, asocial boys and to unattractive, bitter girls who would gossip behind people's backs. I suppressed my real emotions and wore a smile, exuding false kindness."

She was doing that, even now. You could say that she was the best at it in our class; however, when it came to the grade, she was challenged by Ichinose Honami. She wanted to be everyone's favorite. To feel that sense of overwhelming superiority whenever someone mentioned who the most likable person in the grade was.

"I became really popular. I was loved by my classmates, by both upperclassmen and underclassmen, by my teachers and guardians, even by strangers in my neighborhood. When it came to likeability, I was unparalleled."

She had won her game and wanted to remain on top. But there was something that must have happened.

"In those days, I was elated," she placed a hand on her chest as if trying to relive the feeling. "At the same time, I learned something new. Trust is like an expensive sake you can't just replace it with a false or lesser spirit and expect people not to notice. Additionally, trustworthy people receive access to secrets. When people find someone they can truly trust, they lay themselves bare."

"I racked up that currency. I learned everything from the secret desires of the most popular boy in class to the smartest kid's secret troubles. I obtained information both insignificant and gravely serious."

This was the true power of Kushida Kikyō. It wasn't something easily replicated by a boy like me; instead, it was only replicated by girls like Kushida or Ichinose, who could be incredibly friendly and gave you the sense that they were someone who could be trusted with the world.

"Every time someone confided in me, my heart danced with joy. Every time someone trusted me with information that meant the world to them, I shook with delight. I was trusted—the most trustworthy person around. That became my reason for being."

"But it was agonizing for you, wasn't it?"

"Exactly. My power came from living a life of lies while holding in my palm a box of truths. Isn't that ironic? I spent my days being slowly crushed by the weight of that stress. Day after day, I'm under so much stress that I feel like I'm going to go bald. I've pulled my hair out and vomited from anxiety. But I can't let anyone see that side of me. That's why I continued to endure, and endure, and endure, but it wasn't enough. I had to find a way out."

"Can you guess what I did, Kiyotaka-kun? Do you know what I did?" she asked, almost excited.

"You found an outlet, but it wasn't safe," I said, thinking back to what had happened on the rooftop. "Someone discovered you."

"Bingo!" she giggled, "You're so smart, Kiyotaka-kun. I cursed them out on a blog! It was the only place where I could dump out this hidden stress. I could tell it all my most painful secrets. Obviously, I'm not stupid, I posted it all anonymously, you know? But I wrote the facts just as they were, and it made me so happy when I received encouragement from people online that I didn't even know because they truly took my side and sympathized with me—the real me."

"Then, one day, a classmate discovered my blog. Even though I hadn't named anyone, it was clear that my posts were all based on real events, and they connected the dots. There was only one person who could know all these secrets. My mask became shredded to pieces. You can imagine what occurred in that classroom."

Absolute anarchy and chaos. That was the threat that Kushida held.

"The next day, my posts were shared with the entire class. Everyone condemned me. I had helped them so much, and yet they all turned on me in the blink of an eye. Selfish, right? The boy who told me that he liked me actually shoved me. It was reasonable, though, since I'd posted that his romantic confession grossed me out and I wanted him to die. One girl that I had comforted after she was dumped even kicked my desk. I had posted in detail about why she was dumped and made fun of her. Over thirty students decided that I was their mortal enemy that day."

She could have never won that fight, to begin with. But Kushida was the keeper of secrets. And that alone made her dangerous.

"Everyone became my enemy. But I had a weapon myself. I revealed the truth, the secrets of every single person in the class. Which girls the boys hated and liked, what secret romantic relationships were going on, what sins people had committed, who secretly hated each other. Who thought whom was a disgusting creep. I exposed everything, even truths that I hadn't dared to write on my blog. At that point, the truth caused enough discretion so that my classmates stopped being angry at me and started hating each other. It caused a massive brawl, where the boys fought each other and the girls pulled each others' hair and shoved each other over. The classroom descended into complete chaos, and the school administration had to call the security guards. It was honestly incredible."

There was something not quite there in Kushida's eyes. She smiled widely, perhaps the most genuine, authentic smile I had ever seen out of her. "Because of everything I exposed, the class could no longer function naturally. The school rebuked me, but my blog was anonymous, and all I technically did was tell my classmates the cruel truth. They weren't really sure how to punish me."

"It was a mistake to use the internet to vent my feelings. Everything you put up there is saved forever. That's why I stopped blogging. Now, I blow off steam by saying what's on my mind out loud when I'm with you," she explained, her unsettling smile still plastered on her face. "Currently, I don't know that much about all of my fellow Class D students. However, I know enough to destroy a few people. That's my only weapon."

It was a powerful weapon, though. That went without saying.

"I hate Horikita because she knows about me. She was a student at my junior high school. The moment I saw her that day on the bus, I knew I couldn't have peace at this school."

"You're not sure that she knows about the incident during junior high, though."

"It doesn't matter. As long as she's in my vicinity and knows a hint about my past, I want her gone. Even if she doesn't have the slightest interest in it."

Now that her story was done, she picked up her fork and began eating the dinner that I had prepared for us. Kushida could not bear with anyone who knew about her past. That couldn't exactly be called paranoia, though. It was survival, an instinct for Kushida. She wanted to artificially construct a new life, without anyone suspecting her. So long as Horikita was here, that was impossible. However…

"What if I don't want her gone?"

My endearing, blonde-haired classmate stopped eating. She swallowed and put down her fork. "What do you mean? Do you like her, or something?" There was a surprisingly fierce glare in Kushida's pink eyes.

"No, I mean, what if she's integral to the class?"

"She can't be," Kushida refuted the statement at its core. "She has to be gone. She needs to be gone. Is there something about her that you like? Kiyotaka, please don't tell me it's true…" Once again, she circled back to this topic.

"It's not. Haven't I told you? You're my Queen. No one is more important to me than you."

I intently watched the effect my words had on her. First, a red flush crept up her neck; then, color bloomed in the pallor of her cheeks and the tips of her ears, as her eyes abashedly fixed on her lap, her lashes shading those pink orbs.

"You say that, but…" she began, trailing off.

"I know it's a tall ask, but can you at least bear with Horikita for now? We can't afford to have any class disparity when we're so far behind the other classes at below zero class points. Please, Kikyō. For me?"

Her gaze still transfixed on her lap, she seemed to contemplate my statement. In the protracted quietude, I ate my meal. The stiffness in her posture indicated how difficult this decision was for her. However, after having beaten her with the stick several times, I had now offered her the carrot several times. It was like being deprived of water for several hours—the water you drank after several hours of dehydration would always taste better than water under normal circumstances, even if the actual quality of the water remained the same. I hoped that this would be enough to sway her to agree.

"Fine. I'll bear with Horikita, for now."

"Thank you, Kikyō. By the way, are you looking to date anyone?"

Kikyō choked on her food in surprise and coughed a few times. Her neck was red. "What do you mean by that?"

"I was just asking since it seems like your popularity is tied to being single." It was true. If she started dating someone, she would retain the respect of many girls, naturally, but might not receive as much attention from the boys. In other words, part of her value was tied to her relationship status. This was the cruel reality that she had woven into herself by being the nicest and one of the most popular girls in the grade. Even if she came to like, or love someone, she could never openly be with them.

"Honestly, Kiyotaka, I never know what's going on in that head of yours." Kikyō breathed a sigh of relief.

"What did you think I was going to say?"

"I don't know," she admitted.

After we had finished eating our meals, she joined me on the couch again. "Hey, doesn't this feel like a date?" I jested.

"Your jokes are horrible, Kiyotaka." That stung.

"But thank you for today. You saved me, again." At the end of her sentence, her voice was a lowered tremor, like she had realized that her life was in the palm of my hand.

"I told you, didn't I? You're mine. I'll protect you, reward you, and punish you as I see fit. That's how it is. You're not for anyone to get their hands on."

Kikyō hummed softly. "Not even the school?"

"Now you're really testing me, huh?"

My endearing classmate giggled.

"But you're right. Not even the school."

This time, it was she who made the first move, leaning her shoulder against mine. Slowly, she shared her warmth with my body, leaning into my chest. We shuffled our positions so that I draped my arms around her shoulders, connecting my hands at the front of her waist. Somehow, the weight of her head on my chest was an oddly comforting sensation. Of course, this was a position usually reserved for lovers. But neither of us minded it at that moment.

"You know, you're a terrible person, Kiyotaka."

"I know." Though she tried to suppress it, her body shuddered in my arms; I couldn't tell whether it was fear, hate, love, or something else. Perhaps a combination of all of them. However, at this moment, with our bodies enveloping each other, we both shared a tender embrace.

"Will you ever tell me about yourself? Your past? What happened to you to make you this way?" she wondered aloud. It was a fair question since she had confided in me with her backstory. She wasn't trying to trick me; both of us knew that she thrived on secrets. But giving this to her would mean entrusting a part of myself. That was a step that I wasn't ready to take. I wondered if I would ever be able to lay myself vulnerable before another individual like that. I couldn't see it happening, at least right now, from this perspective.

"In time, perhaps."

Satisfied by that answer, she seemed to snuggle into my arms, fitting the curve of her body against mine. "It's okay if you aren't ready right now. I'll wait."

That was probably something that she said to many other people, whether it be boys or girls. But I could tell that she meant those words when she said them to me. Perhaps it was because I had her in my arms, vulnerable both physically and mentally. But it appeared like something deeper, more twisted.

But my Queen had trusted me with her darkest secret. It was only fair that I return the favor, by supplying one of my own secrets.

"You've told me something valuable about yourself. So I'll provide you with something about myself, at the least."

Kikyō perked up in my embrace, perhaps eager to hear what I had to say. Our gazes met, and she didn't even try to move her hand to where her phone was. She didn't trust me, but she didn't distrust me. It was something much more convoluted than that.

I whispered the words against her ear.

"I expelled Ike and Yamauchi from this school."

Shocked into silence, she turned to look at me, wide-eyed like a deer in headlights, her face pale under the lighting. Her pink lips parted. "Y-You're saying…" she stuttered halfway through her sentence, and her voice halted. Then, she swallowed, trying to regain her composure. It must have been quite a shock to hear how I had expelled two students from our class.

"S-So you're telling me that those fucking perverts didn't get themselves expelled?" Her voice, weak at first, rose to a higher degree of pitch as she confronted me. She shook her head frantically in denial, but her reactions didn't seem negative. "No way… no way, no way! Why did you do it?!"

She paused in her speech as she awaited my answer. How I answered would unequivocally shape the nature of this relationship between Kushida Kikyō and Ayanokōji Kiyotaka.

"Why, you ask? Is that even a question?"

"I did it for you, Kikyō. Why else would I do that?"

She stilled, breathing loudly. I felt her heart pounding; a flush of adrenaline must have been shooting through her body, causing her to feel dizzy. In order to secure the trust of my endearing classmate, I realized the necessity of revealing a carefully curated portion of my intentions. It wasn't about disclosing my entire strategy, but rather crafting a facade of vulnerability.

She gasped as if finally registering my words.

"You… you expelled them for me? You brought Class D down even further into the negatives just for me? You fucking psycho! Ha ha!" Kikyō threw her head back, blonde bangs flying out. Her pink eyes, normally so composed and filled with kindness, were now wide with delusion. "Ha ha ha! Those fucking perverted idiots! I hated them so much I wanted them to die, and now they've basically gone and done it!"

She fed off of secrets. That was who she was; that was her fundamental identity at the core. She loved when people trusted her and showered her with affection. That was why I was gifting her with one of mine.

She kept laughing hysterically for several minutes but didn't push herself away from my embrace. "Ha ha! Tell me out you did it, tell me!" she said excitedly, once she had calmed down somewhat.

"The pool area has no cameras. I didn't do anything myself, I just gave them a little nudge in the bathroom by telling them the information."

Needless to say, that was a lie, but I didn't know how she would react to the information if I just told her that I had directly snuck into the girls' locker room to expel Ike and Yamauchi.

She kept giggling uncontrollably. "You're amazing! You're crazy!"

"Thank you, Kikyō."

She was silent. Then, she leaned up, her breath warm against my cheek in the coolness of the room.

"Can I do this?" she murmured. The pallor of her skin was warm under the light.

Our bodies seemed to fit together, curves and contours in the way that was right; I felt the pleasant weight of her body, the subtle swell of her chest, and the scent of her enveloped me like a cocoon. My fingers were tangled in her blonde locks.

"Yes."

Her lips were only a finger's breadth away from my cheek, then barely a hair's width. Then, she pressed her lips against my skin.

"Thank you, Kiyotaka. I really mean it," her pink eyes glistened. "Thank you."

I pressed my lips to the crown of her head, kissing her smooth, blonde tresses. She giggled.

We stayed in that position, in that embrace for a time. Even if it was something out of imagination, it felt like we had a shared darkness between each other, one that created an unbreakable, inseparable bond. She had entrusted her deepest secret to me, and in turn, I protected her and cherished her. My actions in the past few days had bravely shown that notion.

Eventually, the time hit 11 PM, and it was curfew. With some reluctance, she removed herself from my arms and said her goodbyes. After she left, I took a look at my cellphone, which had been on 'Do Not Disturb'.

I noticed that there were a few missed calls from Chabashira Sae, so I decided to call her back. After a few moments, she picked up.

"Are you happy? I did everything you wanted me to." Not even a greeting. How cruel. This woman always went straight to business.

"I'm satisfied."

"This might affect the class's perception of Kushida as an academically reliable student," she suggested, trying to poke holes in my reasoning.

"It won't. Kikyō is a good student, and everyone knows that she was simply a little bit drowsy that day. Thank you for lending me your liquid melatonin from several weeks ago, by the way. I never would have guessed that someone like you had trouble sleeping."

There was a tone of surprise in my teacher's voice. "So that's what it was. I thought you might have just had a little trouble sleeping yourself."

I shook my head, though she couldn't see it. "The convenience store has melatonin, but it's only in the pill form. I needed the liquid form. If I had trouble sleeping myself, I could have just bought it from the store."

"That's true."

My teacher paused for a second, seemingly coming to a conclusion.

"You drugged her morning drink, then," she accused. Chabashira seemed convinced of what I had done. "That's why the scores increased each period because the effect gradually wore off. You also used less melatonin so that she didn't outright fail the test. Did you even predict that the first test was Japanese, the most difficult one?"

Two milligrams of melatonin is generally enough to put someone to sleep. The solution Chabashira had provided me had a ratio of one milligram of melatonin to one milliliter of the solution. Considering Kikyō's smaller body and that I wanted to lower the effect, I placed only one milligram of melatonin in Kikyō's morning tea.

"All of these statements are merely speculations. You can choose to believe them if you would like to." Chabashira sighed at my cryptic response.

"Hey, by the way, what do you want me to do with those points you gave me?" Chabashira asked. I had transferred points to her as a fail-safe with the command of paying for the remainder of Kikyō's points in case Horikita wasn't able to formulate an idea cheap enough to save Kikyō.

"Keep them. I'm sure they'll be useful for purchasing things in the future if I don't have my phone."

"You're just using me as a bank, then," Chabashira observed.

"That's what it's been the entire time."

"Do you really think you can bring me to Class A? With all eyes on you?" For some reason, there was a hint of vulnerability in her voice, like she desired Class A more than anything in her life. "Even if you are a puppetmaster, you might find hiding in the shadows for the best."

"Must I be shrouded in shadow to win?" I replied. "I can win from anywhere. There's no need to worry, Sae. We will be in Class A soon enough—perhaps within the year. I'll wash away all your regrets."

After I spoke, the line was silent for one minute. Then two. For some reason, she stayed on the call, even though there was no reason to. Was it because she found my presence comforting? She was an adult woman; illicit encounters at night with a teenage boy would not be looked upon favorably by the school administration.

"Well, if there's nothing else, then good night. And don't make a habit of calling late at night like this." It was bold of her to make that demand, considering her leverage-less position.

"Good night."

My right thumb tapped the button to end the call, and I placed my phone on the desk.

With this, I have completed my analysis of this person, Kushida Kikyō.

Compared to ordinary people, she was only above average in both academics and physical attributes. However, she had certain innate talents. She was someone who intrinsically thrived on pleasing others and gaining the affection of many. This led to the benefits of a large social network, although mentally taxing to keep up with.

At her previous stage, she had been just a pawn.

In society, this would not work. Simply pleasing others was not enough to maintain a proper societal network. If things went wrong, you would be controlled by the network instead of controlling it yourself.

But this was not society yet. This was a small and immature school, where children gathered. In this garden-like environment… I glimpsed a shining potential within her. I was convinced.

She was my Queen.

-o-o-o-

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Next Chapter: October 15th

-thann