Chapter 2: Nightmare

Abarai Renji bent against a driving desert wind, hearing the howl of it and knowing he was in deep shit. The creature was somewhere in the haze of sand and wind. It was coming for him, but he couldn't sense the direction. Blood ran in streams down his body and sank into the sand at his feet. He knew that Byakuya was somewhere nearby, but for some reason, his taichou had disappeared into the dust and darkness. He no longer felt the protective power swelling beside him, the weight of dark gray eyes, the calm in the midst of the storm. He felt alone and scared…vulnerable.

He sensed the creature coming a moment too late and felt shock pass through him as it appeared suddenly in front of him. He screamed for his taichou and as the claws reached for him, he felt himself dragged off his feet, forced to the ground and shielded. He felt the warmth of his taichou's body, extended over his, protecting him and offering itself to the beast instead. It tore into the soft, pale flesh, and his taichou's body recoiled in agony. He could hear and feel the hard vibration of the noble's pained cry. Byakuya's body went taut against his, then slowly relaxed as the beast disappeared into the sand. Renji felt something warm leaking onto his skin and turned.

Byakuya was bleeding…

Renji took his taichou in his arms and called his name, but Byakuya's eyes remained closed and Renji could not wake him. A moment later, he froze with Byakuya in his arms, realizing that Byakuya wasn't breathing…his heart had stopped beating…

Renji screamed his name over and over.

"Byakuya!" Renji screamed, "Byakuya!"

Byakuya's eyes flew open and he was on his feet instantly. He flash stepped across the hospital room to Renji's side and a moment later, realized that his fukutaichou was having an awful nightmare. He found it odd that Renji hadn't said 'taichou' as Byakuya would have expected. He was screaming Byakuya's name…in desperation. He climbed onto the bed next to Renji and pulled him close.

"Abarai Renji, wake up," he said, squeezing the trembling body and holding it close to his own, "Renji, Renji, it's only a dream."

The brown eyes flew open and gazed up at Byakuya, entranced by the sight of the long strands of raven black hair that danced around his face and shoulders, by the concern in his eyes and the tightness with which he was being held by those soft, pale hands. Dizzy with relief, Renji pulled Byakuya to him and, for no reason he could fathom, suddenly found himself capturing the noble's warm, sweet lips, kissing him over and over, his body shaking with relief that Byakuya was still alive. It was only several moments later, that he stopped himself in shock at what he was doing. Another jolt passed through him as he realized that, not only had he just been kissing his taichou rather passionately, but, Byakuya had frozen…had hesitated…had not pushed him away… and had, in fact after that moment of hesitation, begun to return Renji's kisses…and was staring at him in wonder at what they had done. For just a moment, Renji glimpsed something he never had before…a momentary removal of the mask he wore, one split second of absolute honesty…then Byakuya pulled away and all of his defenses snapped back into place. He stood, leaning slightly against the edge of the bed, frowning and blinking, as if just awakening from a dream of his own.

"It was just a dream, Abarai," he said in a very low, guarded tone that sent a shiver through Renji, "Go back to sleep."

But he couldn't sleep after that. And it wasn't just the awful dream he had experienced. He still felt the warmth and intensity of that perfect mouth against his…and judging by Byakuya's riled reiatsu, he was still feeling it too. They lay for the rest of the night, eyes closed and unable to sleep.

Renji couldn't quite suppress a shiver at the sight of the crimson wounds that tainted the white skin of Byakuya's back and shoulders. He watched out of the corner of his eye as his taichou's wounds were cleaned and bound again. Byakuya never flinched or changed expression, but Renji felt the concealed pain in the tightness with which Byakuya controlled his reiatsu, in the very soft catch in his breath when he stood.

"Are you ready to leave, Abarai?" he asked quietly.

Renji nodded, his own wounds having been addressed first on Byakuya's order. He followed Byakuya out of the healing office and back to the meeting area where the rest of the squad waited. The senkaimon opened before them and they crossed through the precipice and into the Seireitei. Renji turned to follow the others as they started back to the Squad Six Headquarters, but then he felt Byakuya's hand on his arm and stopped, turning back to face the noble.

"We have been ordered to take several days leave to finish our healing. If you would like, you may spend that time in Kuchiki Manor. I have healers on staff and facilities appropriate for our recuperation…if you wish."

Renji stared in surprise. He hadn't been expecting the leave time or such an offer. But he couldn't…could he? Kuchiki Manor was beautiful, the most beautiful home he had ever set foot in. He had only been there a few times…very brief visits to pick things up or drop them off, never socially.

"Renji…are you all right?" Byakuya asked, gazing at him curiously, "Perhaps I should take you to the fourth division. You look pale."

"No," he managed, tripping over his tongue.

He felt weak and shaky and all of a sudden desperate to escape the sight of those eyes, the touch of those hands before he did something very, very stupid. Uttering a short, gasped apology, he flash stepped away, not stopping until he reached the safety of his apartment and slammed and locked the door. He stood with his back against it, shaking and sweating. He knew he must be feverish. He was shivering uncontrollably and spots danced before his eyes. He slid slowly down the door, dropping to the floor and collapsing entirely.

Byakuya stared after Renji as his fukutaichou disappeared, then stood, wanting to kick himself for scaring the hell out of him like that. He hadn't meant to, of course. He had only thought that he and Renji could both use the healing abilities of his personal staff, and the manor did contain everything they needed to remain comfortable as they healed. But he shouldn't have offered…not after…what had happened.

A shiver went through him. It was obvious enough that Renji had kissed him by mistake. He had been overwrought by the nightmare and had done it on impulse. And Byakuya should have simply pushed him gently away and brushed it off. The problem was that his own response had complicated things. His hesitation, his choice to kiss Renji back had caused this. And the worst part was, Kuchiki Byakuya wasn't at all certain why he had done it. He hadn't entertained romantic thoughts about Renji, hadn't been thinking of kissing him. And when Renji screamed his name, he could only think of getting to the redhead, holding him close and chasing away the terror. He was shocked when Renji turned in his arms and pressed those incredibly warm and desperate lips to his. And he was stunned at what passed through, not just his body, but his heart under the spell of that kiss.

But he shouldn't have kissed Renji back. It was wrong that he had felt his body weaken and his heart skip. It was wrong that he had wanted so much for that lovely sensation of warmth and affection to continue…to deepen…

He shook his head to clear the thoughts away. It was ridiculous. Renji was a man, his subordinate and not a noble. If the elders had objected to his marriage to Hisana and his decision to adopt Rukia into the family, they would have his head for falling in love with Renji. Such a thing was doomed from the outset…not to mention, Renji had kissed him by mistake and apparently regretted it. Why else would he have responded to his invitation with such…vehemence? He had run away as though terrified that Byakuya would suggest such a thing. And Byakuya felt a wave of self-revulsion pass over him at having so offended Renji that he would flee like that. Now, the fragile bridge they had begun to build between them was likely to crumble. He wondered if the redhead would feel that he couldn't work with him after that…would leave the division.

He realized suddenly that he had gone beyond the manor and was near the Squad Six Headquarters. He thought about going there and seeing if perhaps Renji was there, so he could…could…what?

He felt a shudder of cold beneath his skin, odd flashes of heat and the feeling of being disoriented. There were others nearby, but their voices became garbled and incomprehensible. A hand touched his arm and Byakuya felt his legs give way beneath him. The air went mercifully dark around him and he felt himself being lifted and carried somewhere cool and bright, placed in a comfortable bed and bathed in healing light. Voices said his name and he did try to rise out of the darkness to answer, but his body felt frozen and immobile, his thoughts scattered. He couldn't remember exactly where he was or what had happened. Everything had become hazy and dim. Finally, the feeling overwhelmed him and carried him off into silence and stillness.

Byakuya woke again to find himself cold and shaking, huddled on the floor somewhere somewhat dark and quiet. He forced his eyes open and realized that he was lying in a heap on the floor of an unfamiliar room that smelled vaguely like Renji. His haori, gloves and scarf were gone and he was dressed in just a plain shihakushou…and it wasn't his…

He sat up and reached up to rub his spinning head. His hand bumped into a thick bunch of hair held back by a hair tie. He removed it instinctively and got the shock of his life as he found his face suddenly covered in thick, red hair.

Red…hair…

He caught his breath in surprise and got up too fast. He fell immediately and dizziness swept over him. He crawled to an open door that he prayed was the washroom and collapsed on the floor breathing deeply. He had just managed to lift himself off of the floor when a wave of nausea took hold of him. He barely managed to reach the toilet in time to empty his stomach, then collapsed on the floor again in a very undignified heap.

He lay there, shaking and panting softly for several minutes. Slowly, the dizzy sensation left him and he could sit up again. He worked his way to his feet and very slowly turned to look at his face in the mirror. His eyes widened in sudden realization and the breath suddenly left his body in a choked, rough cry. Numbness swept through him and his legs gave way again. His last thought as he entered the darkness was that he hoped, for kami's sake that this was just a dream. It had to be a dream. He couldn't have seen what he thought he had in that mirror. There was no way that he could have seen Renji's face…

It had to be a dream…

It had to be…

"You're going to be fine now, Nii-sama," Renji heard Rukia say softly.

Renji felt her hand on his face and opened his eyes.

"R-Rukia?"

He gasped and grabbed at his throat, prompting Rukia to bolt from the room, calling for a healer.

"Rukia, wait!" he cried, then stopped again, going wide-eyed at the sound of his voice.

It wasn't even his voice. He looked down at the hand he had lifted to his throat and felt shock pass through him. The hand wasn't his either. He looked up sharply as the door was thrown open and a healer ran into the room, followed by a frantic looking Rukia.

"What the fuck?" he yelled.

At that, Rukia's eyes flew open wider and her mouth opened in surprise.

"What the hell is going on here?" Renji yelled at her.

He stopped himself. Both Rukia and the healer were staring at him as though he had gone crazy…and Renji wasn't sure if maybe he hadn't gone crazy. He looked down again and caught sight of long silken strands of raven black hair, pale hands…not his…Byakuya's! And Rukia and the healer obviously saw the same thing he did.

"N-Nii-sama," Rukia said cautiously, taking a step toward him, her eyes still wide and frightened, "Are…are you…all right?"

Renji's mind whirled. This couldn't be happening. There was no fucking way that this could be happening! But Rukia and the healer kept talking to him in calm, quiet voices, reassuring him that he had merely collapsed from illness and exhaustion because of his injury in Hueco Mundo, and that all he needed was some rest. They kept calling him Kuchiki Taichou and Nii-sama…

"Shit," he whispered, too softly for the others to hear, "Holy, fucking shit…"

He wondered very suddenly where Byakuya's mind could be. If it wasn't in his own body then…

Oh, holy hell, no! He can't be…

He was on his feet in an instant and flash stepping past the objecting healer, past Rukia, bolting out of the healing center and down the street, only belatedly realizing that he was dressed in only a thin yukata and was barefoot.

"Oh crap!" he hissed and ran for his apartment, trying to ignore Rukia's voice calling after him and the curious stares he was getting.

Then suddenly, strong hands took hold of him and stopped him in his tracks.

"Sir, please stop!" the heavyset healer insisted, "You have to come back to the healing center. We'll get you fixed up and we'll let you go home when you are better, okay? Please, sir, stop struggling. You…can't leave yet!"

Other hands joined his and Renji felt himself being dragged back to the healing center. Sensing that he was fighting a losing battle, he gave in to them. He let himself be carried back into the healing center, back to his room, and set back in bed. He lay still as the healers leaned over him and examined him briefly. Then shock took hold of him as he was given an injection and the room started to fade around him.

"What the fuck?" he moaned, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"I've never heard him talk like that before," he heard Rukia say as his consciousness faded, "For a second, he sounded like Renji."

Byakuya woke to find himself still on the washroom floor. A quick examination told him he still had red hair, tanned skin and tattoos…He still looked like Renji. He sat with his back to the wall and his face in his hands.

Impossible…I can't be…

But he was. He was, he realized in Renji's apartment. He was on Renji's washroom floor. And…he was somehow…in Abarai Renji's body.

"They'll think I'm insane," he whispered, "No one will believe me."

No one except, perhaps…Renji.

But if he was in Renji's body and Renji's mind was not here…then…

Kami, no!