Chapter 6: Playing the Part

Byakuya pulled away from Renji, turning to look out over the lake.

"We need to focus on getting ourselves back where we belong. Everything else…must wait. Do you understand?"

Renji nodded.

"But that's not a 'no,' right Taichou?"

He reached up to touch Renji's face and was confused by the reality that it was his own face he was touching, his own eyes he was looking into…still, the soul behind those eyes was very different. And Renji's body was responding to Byakuya's kiss. And Byakuya's mind was responding to Renji's kiss. He felt confused and overwhelmed, not ready to deal with anything that was happening. But still, they had to.

"It isn't a 'no,' just a 'let's get back into our own bodies and then ask the question again.'"

"Hai, Taichou."

"You mean, 'Very well then, Abarai fukutaichou.'"

"Very well then, Abarai fukutaichou," Renji repeated, sounding much more like Byakuya.

Byakuya nodded.

"We have to be careful. If anyone hears us speaking incorrectly, they will suspect we've lost our minds…which…isn't far from the truth."

"Although, it's actually more like we've lost our bodies, isn't it, Abarai fukutaichou?"

"Hmm," said Byakuya thoughtfully, "I think you are correct."

"You mean, 'Right, Taichou!'"

"Right, Taichou," Byakuya said, letting a smile crawl onto his face.

"Hey, that's not my smile!" Renji objected, "It's definitely cute, but it's not mine. More toothy, less smug."

"I do not look smug," Byakuya said shortly.

"Yes, you do…and do not say 'do not' and 'cannot.' It's 'don't' and 'can't.' You have to use those…uh…"

"Contractions," Byakuya finished, "Abarai, I think we're in trouble."

"You said it!"

"You mean…'Precisely.'"

"Shit, we're dead!"

Byakuya shook his head.

"We are not dead," he said, placing a hand on Renji's arm.

"If I were you," Renji said in a cold, Byakuya tone, "I would remove that hand before you lose it!"

Byakuya drew back, blinking, then noticed Rukia approaching. He turned slightly so she couldn't hear his comment to Renji.

"I think you would say, 'We're fucked,'" he whispered.

"Screwed would work too!" Renji whispered back.

Renji had to pinch himself hard to keep from laughing.

"Rukia," he said, inclining his head as he had seen Byakuya do when greeting her.

"Nii-sama, I am sorry to disturb you, but a hell butterfly came from Soutaichou saying that there was a taichou's meeting in an hour to discuss the progress at the shinigami base and descriptions of some of the unusual hollows that have been seen there. He needs you to come and describe the creature that attacked you and Renji."

Renji nodded.

"Arigato, Rukia. I shall make a note of that."

"Then…I guess I'll see you at dinner."

"Yes…and Renji will be here as well. He is staying with us while we recuperate from our injuries."

"Oh…that 's great! I'll see you at dinner, Renji!" she said, turning to go, "and just so you know, we're practicing here tomorrow. We're using the small cottage that Nii-sama said I could redecorate. We're going to build our own little studio to practice in."

"W-wow! That's…great," Byakuya managed, "That was…generous of you, Taichou."

"I will see that it is properly soundproofed," commented Renji, "immediately."

Rukia grinned and flash stepped away.

"Okay, I think we did better that time," Renji said, looking after the departing girl, "She didn't seem suspicious this time."

"Oh?" said Byakuya, furrowing his brow, "When was she suspicious?"

"Uh," Renji said uncomfortably, "When I woke up in your body and started yelling and swearing…"

"Ah," Byakuya said, "that would arouse suspicion, I imagine."

"You mean, 'That would do it.'"

"Exactly…"

Tai…Abarai fukutaichou," Renji said, looking at Byakuya, "perhaps we should travel to Karakura Town to seek assistance. I think that if anyone would have a chance of identifying what's wrong with us, Urahara Kisuke might."

Byakuya shook his head.

"I will go to Karakura Town…You will go to the taichou's meeting," Byakuya countered.

"Taichou's meeting?" Renji said, "Oh, you don't mean…I can't stand in a room full of taichous and pretend to be you! They'll know in a second!"

"No, they won't," Byakuya assured him, "Just stand up straight and gaze intently at the bridge of Soutaichou's nose unless you are spoken to, then stare at the bridge of the nose of anyone you have to speak to…and use proper speech."

Renji put a pale hand over his face.

"Augh, I don't feel so good. Can't I just…call in sick or something?" he asked pleadingly.

"Stand up straight," Byakuya hissed softly, "and get going. I am never…NEVER…late. Go!"

"Hai…I mean…I will meet you in Karakura Town, Abarai!" Renji said, flash stepping away.

Byakuya stood for a moment, staring in the direction he had gone.

"Kami…I hope he remembers to change!"

Shaking his head, he flash stepped back to the manor. He nodded approvingly as Renji emerged from his bedroom wearing full regalia.

"Excellent," he said softly, "You look perfect. But how did you figure out the kenseiken?"

"Just lucky, I guess," Renji said shrugging.

"Don't slump and don't shrug," Byakuya corrected him.

"Can I breathe?" Renji asked, annoyed.

"When the meeting ends and you are successful in fooling them all…not unil."

"H…Very well then, Abarai. I am off," Renji said, flash stepping away.

Sighing, Byakuya let himself out of the manor and flash stepped to the senkaimon. He passed into the living world and continued on to Kisuke's shop. He stopped at the door, taking a quick breath.

"What do you want, Moocher?" called Jinta from around the corner, "Go on in. Everyone is inside."

Byakuya shook his head and walked into the shop.

"Ah, Renji!" Kisuke said, smiling, "What brings you?"

"I have a problem," Byakuya began.

"I keep telling you that you should transfer out of the sixth. It would solve a lot."

"Shut up! It isn't him. It's that…"

"Renji!" said Yoruichi from the doorway, "nice to see you! What brings you around this way?"

"Well…I…"

"Renji was just saying he has a problem," Kisuke told her, "He was just about to spill. Go on then, Renji, spit it out!"

Byakuya stared at Yoruichi, then at Kisuke. He couldn't think of a way to explain without…

"What's the matter," Yoruichi said, winking, "cat got your tongue?"

"You would know, Demon Cat!"

The woman's eyes widened. She stepped forward, looking closely at Renji's body. Kisuke's eyes followed her, his eyes curious.

"There's…only one person…who calls me that," Yoruichi said, coming face to face with him.

She looked deeper into Renji's brown eyes and Byakuya felt her reiatsu brush against his. He took a quick breath and stepped back.

"Well," she said softly, smiling at him, "Kuchiki Byakuya, how did you get yourself into this mess?"

"Wha…" said Kisuke, stepping forward, looking more closely and reaching out with his reiatsu.

A moment later, he sensed it as well. He and Yoruichi exchanged glances, hesitated, then burst into fits of laughter. Byakuya crossed his arms and waited, fuming silently as the two laughed uncontrollably.

"You are forbidden to tell anyone!" Byakuya said sharply.

Yoruichi and Kisuke exchanged glances again and laughed harder.

"As if anyone would believe us!" Kisuke roared.

The two continued looking at each other and laughing until finally, Byakuya turned and started back out the door.

"Hey!" said Kisuke, "Don't be offended, Kuchiki Taichou! We couldn't help ourselves! Come on…you've got to admit that it's…well, maybe you don't. Anyway, I'm sorry. We'll try to keep things serious…just…don't sound so much like yourself, you know? It's too funny!"

"I'm glad you both find this so amusing, however, Abarai Renji and I would like to be returned to our own bodies…as soon as possible. And we are going to need your help to do that."

Kisuke cleared his throat and took on a more serious look. Yoruichi bit her lip and muffled a last giggle before becoming serious as well.

"Byakuya," said Kisuke, "I think the first thing we have to do is to figure out what caused this. It's a pretty good case of switched identities. If you hadn't given yourself away, we wouldn't have been led to look so deeply…probably wouldn't have suspected a thing. So…what have you boys been tangling with lately? Could someone from the twelfth have slipped you something in your tea? Has anyone threatened you lately? Has the Women's Shinigami Association been hanging around your manor?"
Byakuya sighed.

"We've had no contact with the twelfth division, nor have either of us received any threats. The WSA is not allowed anywhere near my manor (although they sometimes invade without an invitation) and I have not seen them hanging around the Squad Six Office."

"Hmm…" Kisuke muttered, "Have you had any meals together?"

"No…except while we were in Hueco Mundo on assignment. We ate together there."

"Okay, let me get a sample of your reiatsu…and we need some from Bya…I mean, Renji, too. Where is he, by the way?"

"He had to attend a taichou's meeting," Byakuya said curtly.

Kisuke and Yoruichi exchanged glances and screamed with laughter again. After a few moments, Kisuke cleared his throat again.

"Ah…erm…so, when he wakes up…I mean, gets out of the meeting, we'll need to have him come to give a sample as well."

Byakuya nodded.

"Now, is there anything else the two of you have in common that might be a factor?" Kisuke asked.

"We were attacked by a hollow," Byakuya said, pulling back the collar of the shirt he wore to expose his injured shoulder. Kisuke studied the wound, then took a small tissue sample.

"All right," Kisuke said, "now we just have to wait for Bya…Renji to arrive."

Byakuya frowned as he and Yoruichi started laughing again.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Byakuya, wait up!" called Ukitake Taichou, flash stepping to catch up, with Kyouraku Taichou a step behind him, "What's your hurry? I would have thought that, having been injured you would be moving more slowly."

"My injuries were not life threatening," Renji said, trying hard to sound like Byakuya.

"Well, they may not be life threatening, but they must hurt," said Ukitake.

"I am fine," he assured the others.

"Well, that's good to hear…and I hear that Soutaichou is very interested to hear about this creature that attacked the two of you."

They reached the top of the stairs and entered the meeting room. Renji paused staring as the taichous took their places. He realized suddenly that he didn't know where to stand. He remembered bringing an urgent message to a meeting once and thought he remembered seeing Kuchiki Taichou standing next to Kyouraku Taichou. He walked slowly to that place and encountered no objections, and so figured that he had guessed correctly. He breathed a sigh of relief and stood, trying to look in the direction Soutaichou would come from…and to avoid fidgeting. As Renji was one who never stayed still for long, he caught himself fidgeting after a few minutes and had to watch himself carefully until the inner door opened and Soutaichou entered the room.

"Kuchiki Taichou," he said to Renji, "I am pleased to see you were well enough to join us. We will not be here for long, so that you may return to your manor to recuperate."

"No problem, sir."

He felt the others staring.

"I would appreciate that, Soutaichou," he corrected himself.

They were still staring. Renji focused his attention on Soutaichou's nose. He stared intently, and found himself distracted by the creases around it, by the wrinkles around his eyes, by the hell butterfly that flitted in and passed by…

"Kuchiki Taichou?"

"Huh?"

He wanted to slap himself, but held back for fear of making things worse.

"Perhaps your injuries are worse than previously thought, Kuchiki Taichou. You should definitely try to get more rest after our meeting. But for now, tell us about this creature that attacked you and Abarai fukutaichou."

Renji considered the question.

"He was blacker than my hair, bigger than Ganju Shiba, faster than a tornado, claws like knives and breath worse than Ikkaku's after a bender!"

Zaraki Taichou's bells rang merrily as he tried to suppress a chuckle.

Shit!

"Ahem," said Soutaichou, "Erm…very well, Kuchiki Taichou, you are excused. The rest of you will stay…but I fear our colleague was taken from his rest too soon. Go now, Kuchiki Taichou. I will contact you if we need any further information."

Renji forced himself to stand tall, bow gracefully and walk at normal speed as he left, but as soon as the doors closed behind him, he fled for the senkaimon, fearing the healers would already be waiting for him with their needles ready…