"Okay, let's start with a little bit of a history lesson." Xander answered. "There are tears in the dimensional fabric of our world."

"Any idea what caused them?" Major Carter asked.

"Scientifically? No. But these tears lead to dimensions inhospitable to human life and are inhabited by intelligent creatures that think humans, in particular, the weakest, such as children, make nummy treats."

"Is that why you were drafted?" Jack asked, in a burst of insight, pointing at Buffy. "Because you're a kid?"

"The Slayer is both a lure and a weapon." Xander answered. "Created by cowards who don't want to do any fighting themselves, while simultaneously claiming they are fighting by sending her out to do what they're perfectly capable of doing themselves."

Colonel O'Neill was pissed and rightly so.

"Anyway, a couple days ago a device was stolen from a museum in our hometown. To those that don't know, it's just an extremely ugly statue of something that kinda makes me think of a gargoyle. But when activated will open a vortex that will expand until it's large enough to swallow the Earth and pull it into one of those dimensions inhospitable to human life and filled with intelligent creatures that want to eat us."

"A human stole it?" General Hammond clarified.

"A human paid to have it stolen. This human is over 150 years old, he made a deal a century ago with some of these creatures, they slowed his aging. In return, he built Sunnydale over one of the largest tears ever known and hid it's existence. He let a couple thousand kids a year disappear for a century."

"What does he hope to get out of this?" Hammond asked, stunned.

"Does your Earth have an expression, 'it's better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven?" Xander asked. "He wants to rule and he thought he had it all locked up. He didn't count on a group of meddling kids, but who does?" Xander smirked. "Last Halloween, I shut down the tear he was counting on using, I drained it's energy using it to fuel a...program that wiped out the biggest group of the various different things that come from these tears or are attracted to them." He chose to use the Ancient One's modern terminology, Magic was not something most people acknowledged. "Finding the statue was something he lucked out on, but it can do the same thing he originally planned to do. He has people who are extremely devoted to him and have dedicated themselves and their children to his service for the past century, but not all of those children are so eager to follow in their parents footsteps. Our informant wants the insanity to end and we've verified his information. Now we need to get him somewhere his boss's followers won't be able to find him. Our recent encounter with your reality gave us an idea as to somewhere it won't occur to them to look for him."

"He could already exist here." Major Carter pointed out.

"The odds are very much against it." Cordelia told her. "Both his parents come from families that have dedicated themselves and their children to him. Both families first did so a century ago and his parents were married because their families decided on it, not because they chose to. Since Sunnydale doesn't exist here, they and their own parents may never have met."

"Which decreases the odds that he was born here significantly." Major Carter nodded. "Sir, they may be right."

"What's this informant's name?" General Hammond asked.

"Allen Finch, 46 years old, born in Sunnydale." Xander answered. He handed over a Social Security card. "I don't know if you use those here, but you could see if that number is issued to anyone."

"Do it, Major." General Hammond ordered. "I'm going to speak with the President, I can't guarantee that he'll agree, but if you don't make a habit out of this, he probably won't have any objections. We've taken in other refugees from other planets and we were inclined to take in a couple from another reality that showed up, but entropic cascade failure set in and we ended up helping them stop the invasion that sent them here in the first place instead." He headed for his office.

"You got any plans for how you're going to deal with this guy's boss?" Jack asked

"Yep," Xander nodded. "he's a politician, he's already full of hot air."

"That doesn't exactly answer my question, but the answer's probably classified, right?"

"Something like that." Xander answered, sobering, because what he was going to do would kill the Mayor. Eventually. But thousands of kids were dead because of him. The Scoobies had voted and unanimously agreed, it was a fitting way to deal with him.

In the end Allen Finch moved to a new reality and he lived out his life there. Xander hit Richard Wilkins with a spell that made him inflate like a hot air balloon.

He was last seen floating upward toward where the air was really thin and airplanes were potential hazards.

######

A/N Planto maior! To inflate is a Harry Potter spell. This is the only time a reference to Harry Potter will appear in this story.

Please don't nag me about how easy this might have been and tell yourself they're just that nice, but I really want this to be a light-hearted story. 😄