I hope you enjoy the third chapter. Still not a clue where we are going with this but I have another couple of chapters written and hopefully I will have an idea of what I want to do soon haha.
I sat in the armchair facing the bedroom window, tears silently falling down my cheeks. I brought my knees up underneath my chin as I tried to stifle my sobs, I couldn't bare the idea that my aunt or uncle would hear me crying. I didn't want to talk about Gavin and what he had done to me, how he had broken me, ripped away my future, our future that I had planned out. Just a few short weeks ago I thought I knew what my future held, I had it all planned, me and Gavin would work out our differences, have children, a boy and girl. We would buy a dog, maybe even a bigger house and when the kids had grown, we would retire and move to a hot country where we would grow old together. It was the perfect plan.
"Jayme?" I hear my uncle call from the hallway. I kept silent, afraid that if I spoke I wouldn't be able to hold in the tears any longer. My eyes burned with the tears that threatened to spill over and my chest ached with the effort it took me to not break down. "Jayme, me and…" My uncle John began, he stopped in his tracks and silently closed the door behind him as he entered the room. "Oh Jay Jay" He sighed sitting on the end of the bed behind me. I didn't turn to look at him, afraid that I might not have enough resolve to hold myself together. "I wish I had the right thing to say that would make all of this pain go away for you"
"Nothing will ever make this go away" I whispered.
"It will my darling…I promise you this WILL pass" He told me with such certainty that I would have believed him if this feeling of hopelessness didn't keep washing over me like a wave drowning me every time that it hit.
"How could it go away? I love Gavin and nothing will ever change that. You don't just fall out of love with someone, when you love someone you love them for the rest of your life. That's just how it is." My voice wavered with every word I said as I continued to look out of the large window and on to the trees that surrounded the large house. The leaves floated elegantly in the autumn breeze as they fell to the ground below, I concentrated hard on them as I tried to take my mind away from the agonizing ache in my chest.
"Why don't you go for a walk?" He suggested "It might help clear your head"
"Yeah I think that will help" I agreed slowly heaving myself out of the chair.
With every step the leaves crunched beneath my military style boots, a satisfying sound. The cold mid-September air bit at my cheeks, my ears warm underneath my burgundy bobble hat, my uncle was right, this was helping clear my head a little. The weight on my chest had lifted slightly and everything felt a little less hopeless. I could breathe.
"Uhhh…Hi" A voice came from behind me making me almost jump from my skin. I spun on my heels, my long knee length coat swishing as I went.
"Hi" I sighed in relief as I came face to face with Adam.
"Sorry, did I scare you?" He asked awkwardly, "I just see you walking and thought I'd see how you are; it's been a couple of weeks since I see you last"
"I'm fine" I insisted.
"You know, you say you're fine a lot for someone who clearly isn't fine" He chuckled non-chalantly.
"It's easier" I muttered.
"I get that…" He nodded in agreement "It's like if you say it out loud its real and that will be worse than the pain you're already feeling. You're holding it together so well but if you say those words then it will unravel…and you won't be fine" It was like he was inside my head, what he was saying was so accurate it was scary to me. How could one person describe so perfectly what was going on inside my head. Something I had never told anyone.
"I'm fine" I nodded with a sniff lifting my head to look at him "I am so fine" I sighed, a lone tear escaping. I wiped it away quickly and turned to continue my walk.
"May I join?" He asked sincerity clear in his voice.
"Sure" I agreed watching my feet as we walked, Adam's stride quickly caught up with mine. We strolled silently for a while allowing nature to do its thing around us, it was nice to have some company. "I don't know where to go from here…" I uttered breaking our silence.
"Oh…Well if you go this…" He suddenly stopped realising that I wasn't talking about our walk "Oh...right"
"Sorry" I squeezed my eyes tight and shook my head "I should go…I should go…I should go" I repeated the words to myself almost as if I was chanting them. I turned and began walking back towards the house.
"Hey…Hey it's ok…You're ok" Adam reassured me as he pulled me towards him and held me tight against his chest. My hands were in tight fists against his chest as I willed with every fibre of my being for the tears that were burning at my eyes to go, but they didn't. I let out a small gasp as I stopped holding my breath and let the tears flow.
"How do I do this? How do I live my life without him?" I asked trying to compose myself "I need someone to tell me because I don't how to do this. It hurts to breathe Adam" I cried loudly "It hurts to breathe so bad".
"You just do, you get up and you live your life…Every day you wake up, you make coffee, you go to work, you see your friends and you live your life. Each day it gets easier until eventually you realise you don't think about them as much" He held my face in his hands and bent his head to make eye contact with me "It gets better" he assured me.
"You don't…" I started
"I've been divorced twice…Believe me…I know" Adam interrupted a smirk tugging at his lips "The first step to rebuilding your life is immersing yourself in something you love" I thought for a moment trying to remember what I loved to do before I was married.
"You know what…" I half chuckled in disbelief "I don't know what I love anymore…Gavin didn't like me going out on my own" I smiled awkwardly knowing how people usually would think Gavin was controlling when we were together but he wasn't, he just worried about me when I went anywhere without him. It was sweet really.
"Right…" I could see his mind ticking over as he thought "Well I'm going to the gym in a couple of hours if you want to come?"
"You what?" I blurted out in utter shock "I don't really think I'm the type to go to the gym" I exclaimed in horror.
"How do you know until you try?" he argued a good point.
"Ok" I agreed reluctantly biting my bottom lip.
"And…Don't do that" He pointed to my lip.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"Bite your lip" he stated "I want to help you…but I can't if you're going to be biting your lip at me" I gawked at Adam in complete shock.
"I don't think I understand" I told him tilting my head.
"It turns me on, and I don't want to be turned on…I want to be friends" His green eyes bore into me as I stooked looking at Adam in total and complete shock. I never expected him to say such a thing. He seemed so polite and gentlemanly the previous two times I had met him and now he was telling me that I was turning him on.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to…I'm sorry" I babbled.
"Don't apologise" He smirked "I like it…and that's the problem"
"I should go and get changed" I told him trying to change the subject.
"I'll pick you up in an hour" Adam offered. I agreed and we parted ways to change ready for the gym.
"This is so out of my comfort zone" I chuckled nervously in disbelief that I had agreed to this. I looked around the room at all of the different machinery and contraptions without a clue where to even start.
"Don't worry, we're not using any of these" He grinned cheekily "Follow me" He gestured for me to follow him. I quietly and quickly did as I was told staying a couple of paces behind him the whole way. His shoulder length hair had been scooped back into a low bun, he wore gym leggings and a sleeveless dark great shirt with a hood attached. His muscles rippled as he walked and I couldn't help but admire his tattoos, I had a few myself but Gavin hated them, so I had kept them covered at all times. I walked with Adam as we entered another room at the back, a large room with benches lining the walls. A square boxing ring stood in the centre.
"Oh, I'm not boxing" I argued, stopping in my tracks.
"No, you're not" he shook his head "Have you ever heard of a WWE superstar called Edge?"
"Ummm…well…I don't really watch wrestling, but the name definitely feels familiar" I pondered.
"That's me" He proudly exclaimed.
"You wrestle for the WWE?" I asked, my interest had been peaked.
"Not anymore…I retired nearly 10 years ago due to a neck injury" the sadness in his eyes was clear to see.
"I'm sorry…" I started.
"I'm fine" He winked. I pressed no further on the subject as saying 'I'm fine' was something that had become almost a running joke between us, we knew we weren't fine, but we just didn't want to talk about it. We had a mutual understand that 'I'm fine' meant that this was not a conversation we wished to enter in to. "Ok, so this is a wrestling ring" he stated slapping the mat before jumping up and holding two of the ropes open for me to jump in. I put my bag down on the floor and clambered up into the ring. "I'm going to teach you the basics"
"Ok when you said we were going to the gym I thought you meant I would go on the treadmill and maybe lift a few small weights…I didn't think you meant this" I gestured to the ring I was stood in.
"Look, we can go and do that if you like" He shrugged pointing back through the door we had just come through "Or we can stay an do this" he pointed down to the mat "and believe me I can assure you…you will enjoy this more" he chuckled. I sighed a deep long sigh as I unzipped my jacket and threw it over the ropes on to my bag. I had realised when I got back to the house that I didn't own any gym gear, so I had opted for a t shirt and ¾ tracksuit bottoms and a pair of battered, worn old trainers.
"I don't own any gym clothes" I admitted noticing Adam staring at my outfit "When I left I only had time to grab a few things…not that I owned any in the first place…Gavin wouldn't…"
"You know this Gavin is starting to sound like a bit of an ass" Adam growled as he began stretching.
"Hey!" I scolded "everything he did was because he cared and worried about me" I snapped, rage filling my body.
"Jayme I'm sorry I know you think that's true but that's not normal" he told me.
"I'm leaving" I turned to get back out of the ring but was stopped by Adam grabbing my hand.
"Ok…Ok…" he conceded "I can see that this is not something we're going to agree on" his eyes were kind and gentle as he spoke "Let's just do what we came here to do" I nodded in agreement. We spent the next two hours in the ring learning basic wrestling moves, Adam taught me the basic terminology and how to 'bump' I genuinely smiled for the first time since I had moved to Asheville.
"You're not bad actually" Adam puffed as we sparred around the ring "You could be really good" he admitted.
"Do you know what?" I stopped to have a drink "I think this is the first time since being here that I haven't just thought about Gavin" I admitted.
"Glad I could be of service" Adam jokingly bowed as I chuckled at him. I think I was almost happy and for the first time in what felt like a lifetime Gavin wasn't my all-consuming thought.