Due to being trapped in Crungulus's pocket, Ratchelina's personality switch got jostled once again, causing it to switch to "Gangsta".
"You ugly. You stupid. Git out, son." declares Ratchelina, to nobody in particular. The Canobie Rabbit approaches Ninj-A and his friends, and promptly devours Slimecicle, since he's a popsicle and as such is the most edible of the group, not that the Rabbit cares. Twomad plays a brief kazoo song in honor of his fallen comrade, and then calls up his bud Albino to replace him. Albino appears and immediately gets into a build battle with Twomad, which Twomad is easily able to win. Following the rules of build battles, Twomad absorbs the soul of Albino, becoming Twobino. Elsewhere, DSP John shows up with a brand new pack of cards from the nearby SuperfanToys store. From the opposite closet of that same store, a man named Arin Handsoap, though he normally goes by "Eggrapter", emerges with his own personal deck which he's had for at least 2 days. The two meet eyes, which they both know means that they must have a Death Solitaire Battle. Specs the Spectator shows up and asks if these two will tell him how to play, but they're too busy with their pre-battle dialogue.
"I hope you know who you're dealing with. I'm so good that they PUT me on a card! Not in a main deck, though, it's one of those spinoff decks." declares Eggrapter proudly, patting the deck on his belt.
"Oh yeah, well I'm so good they forced me to rename myself!" retorts DSP John. The two proceed to initiate the battle by putting their decks together into a Death Solitaire shuffling device, which mixes the two decks together and deals out 5 starting cards to both players. A small audience has gathered, consisting of Specs, Ninj-A, Twobino, the PEF, and a few other random people.
"Alright, I'll start with a strong first play with a card I know very well from my deck! I play the Nine of Hearts: The Pots!" declares Eggrapter, throwing down the corresponding card from his hand.
"What does The Pots do?" asks DSP John, unfamiliar with the cards from Eggrapter's deck.
"The Pots lets me draw three more cards from the deck, and add them to my hand!" says Eggrapter, receiving the three cards as The Pots is returned to the shuffler.
"Alright, my turn! I'll play this arena card, the Eight of Clubs: The Canvas!" calls John, throwing down that card.
"Well, that arena won't come into play on its own! I'll continue building my hand by once again playing The Pots!" Eggrapter says, throwing down that card again and receiving three more from the shuffler.
"I play my first fighter card! The Two of Spades: The Texture! It can't attack when played, so the turn goes to you!"
"Aha, I see! A card that's weak on its own, but can be made much stronger. Very interesting! Now, the real game begins! Prepare yourself for MY first fighter! The Ace of Diamonds: The Student!" As Eggrapter throws down the card, DSP John audibly gasps.
"That's it, I'm equipping The Texture with the Eight of Hearts: The Blade!"
"Ha, good play! Luckily, The Student is a very special fighter card that comes pre-equipped with his own weapons, so I don't have to do anything in that regard! However, I can still use my turn to take advantage of a distraction, which is none other than the Three of Hearts: The Disc! This card makes it so that next turn you can only attack with useless mud!"
"Fine then! I won't waste my turn attacking if it will be rendered useless, so I skip my turn and draw two cards!"
"Ha! Ha ha! A clever play, but not clever enough for a Death Solitaire expert like me! While your guard is down, I command The Student to use his guns to attack The Texture!"
"Oh, but you don't know about this card, do you? The Texture has a passive ability: BULLETPROOF! All gun type attacks are useless on it!" DSP John laughs, as the attack is negated.
"WHAT? Damn! I hate when they add that ability to cards! Very well, though. It's your move!"
"For my turn, I summon the Seven of Spades: The Wisdom! Now, you must show me your entire hand, and discard two cards from it!" After being played by John, The Wisdom disappears back into the shuffler, along with the two cards Eggrapter chooses to discard, which are the Nine of Hearts and the Eight of Spades.
"Hey, you should summon a White Eyes White Dragon!" shouts a random bystander, who is just ignored by the two players.
"RATS! What a powerful ability! These new cards are strong! The rest of my cards are as follows. The Jack of Hearts: The Umbrella! The Nine of Diamonds: The Clover! The Two of Spades: The Duality! The Seven of Diamonds: The Narrator! And the Five of Hearts: The Baller!" Eggrapter declares as he shows the cards to DSP John.
"What are you, a fool? If you had read your card descriptions, you would know that The Umbrella can negate any effect once!"
"Well, I prefer to learn from experience, not from reading! For my turn, I will summon The Clover to assist The Student with her non-bullet attacks during my next turn!"
"Is that Flowey, Flowey the Flower?" shouts that same bystander, which actually gets a response from Eggrapter.
"No you jokester, that's a different card!" laughs Eggrapter.
"Well, I summon the Seven of Hearts: The Lover! I also attack The Clover with The Texture!" declares DSP John, drawing attention back to the match.
"What? How did you know that The Clover is weak to being attacked?!" gasps Eggrapter, as the card is sent back to the shuffler.
"It's easy to figure out! That deck you shuffled with mine is OLD AS DIRT!"
"RATS! So be it. I will now use The Student to attack The Lover, who had better not be Bulletproof!"
"He isn't, but he is dead now."
"YES!" Eggrapter rejoices as he watches the card be sent back to the shuffler.
"I summon the Ten of Hearts: The Enigma in attack position!" shouts DSP John, before throwing down an especially strange card.
"WHAT IS THAT CARD?!"
"It's NEW!"
"Damn it! I'm not up to date with these things! That thing looks like it might be Bulletproof, so I'll use The Duality to make The Student have twice as many guns to use!"
"You fool, that won't work on this, because I'm going to attack The Student with The Texture, as well as using The Enigma to confuse your cards as long as it isn't hit!"
"NOOO! The Student's weak defenses have been compromised, and it returns to the deck! Fine! To replace The Student, I will bring forth The Narrator!"
"For my turn, I draw!"
"Good! Now I can use The Narrator's ability, which is the reason it's banned from tournaments! I will have The Narrator say that The Texture is no longer Bulletproof, and thus have it become true!"
"How dare you! I use The Wisdom again!"
"FOOL! You informed be of The Umbrella's ability to negate an effect! I use that ability! The Wisdom returns to the deck without triggering its effect!"
"Oh, ok. I draw again."
"I do too!" Eggrapter draws two more cards, and notices something odd about one of them. "Huh, this one looks like a misprint."
"I use The Pots!"
"Wait, what does The Pots do again?"
"It lets me draw 3 cards! This was your card, and you used it twice before, why don't you know that?"
"Whatever! In this turn, I will-" before Eggrapter can finish, the arena effect of The Canvas triggers, and a blonde man in a red shirt emerges and uses his big pencil to erase the narrator, sending the card back to Eggrapter's hand. "WHAT! Damn! Fine then! For my turn, I will summon the misprinted card! The Seven of Diamonds: The Badger!"
"I summon the King of Spades: The Hero! And also, I guess I'll have The Texture attack The Badger or whatever."
"Wow! That's a very powerful card! Do you know how to use it, though? And I'm not afraid of your attack! I read the card because the misprint intrigued me! The Badger has fall-proof feet, he won't go down so easy! I will now have The Badger attack The Texture!"
"Dang, The Texture returns to the deck, as well as The Blade which it was equipped with. I will now equip The Hero with the Six of Hearts: The Website, and The Enigma with the King of Hammers: The Boat! That's two Kings I have in play now!"
"Where are you getting all these powerful cards?!"
"From the new deck that JUST CAME OUT!"
"Damn! I guess I have to play a powerful card, too! I've heard of this one, apparently attempts were made to have it recalled for some reason! The Queen of Diamonds: The Minis!"
"For my turn, I have The Hero upload a video to The Website, giving all of your active fighters to get ebolaids!"
"WHAT?! Impossible! You countered my five active fighters by using an attack that hits all of them! That wiped out The Badger and two out of four of The Minis! Well, I'll rectify this by playing The Narrator so that I can use its ability next turn!"
"Not so fast! I attack The Narrator with both The Enigma and The Hero!"
"NO! Dang. The Narrator returns to the deck. No matter, though! I still have one more card up my sleeve! I summon The Baller!"
"I equip The Enigma with the Two of Hearts: The Ham! And, I change the arena once again by playing the Three of Clubs: The Machine!" As DSP John throws down The Machine, The Canvas is overridden.
"Hm...a tough battle, indeed, but one I can win! I'll have The Baller dribble one of The Minis all the way over and dunk it on The Enigma, destroying it!"
"Fool! When you kill a fighter equipped with The Boat, The Boat gets a mind of its own!"
"WHAT?"
"Yeah! For my turn...I draw!"
"I draw as well, to replenish my hand!"
"Now, I summon the Black Joker: The Hypothetical!"
"What? What is that?!"
"It's a new type of Death Solitaire card! A Joker! It can act as any other type of card, and in this case it acts as a fighter!"
"Damn! All these new rules are getting to me! Not that it matters, though! I'll throw you off by playing the Nine of Spades: The Chaos!" When Eggrapter throws down The Chaos, the entire field is scrambled, causing The Hypothetical, one of The Minis, and The Boat to go to Eggrapter's side, while the other of The Minis, The Baller, and The Chaos all go to John's side.
"I use all three of these fighters to attack your three fighters, and then I summon The Lover again!" John's play is able to wipe out all of Eggrapter's cards except for The Hypothetical.
"HOW DARE YOU! I attack The Lover with The Hypothetical!"
"Darn, not again! I draw!'
"Haha! I, too, will draw!"
"Now, I summon the Jack of Diamonds: The Antagonist! Furthermore, I use my other three fighters to attack The Hypothetical!"
"Argh, that'll do it! The Hypothetical is gone! And I don't know what that new card you played does! Anyways, I will once again draw because I may or may not have any fighters! Mindgames, son!"
"I have The Antagonist use its effect on you!"
"Oh no you don't! I use The Umbrella to deflect that effect, and then I use the King of Hearts: The Misdirection, to reflect it back at you! And to finish my turn, I use the Ace of Spades: The Hypnotist to turn The Antagonist against you!"
"Aha! You fell right into my plan! When you make a play that big, you take a big risk! I finish the game by using the Eight of Hammers: The Arrow! It attacks your life directly if you make a big play and don't defend yourself! Game over, I win!" As DSP John plays The Arrow, the shuffler sucks up the rest of the cards.
"NOOO! I LOST! It's all because I don't know these new cards!"
"Hey man, it's no big deal. We can go do some practice rounds out back to get you used to them, come on."
"Alright, sure." Eggrapter and DSP John head out back, and the small crowd that gathered slowly realizes that from an outsider perspective, Death Solitaire is really quite a boring game.