Dear readers, thank you so much for all your reviews! It means a world to me.

Enjoy reading!:)

P.S. It's time for baking Christmas cookies, my kids love with cinnamon :)

Chapter 7

That night, after seeing Captain Butler off, Scarlett tossed and turned, unable to sleep, remembering the vivid smell of his cigars. She had noticed that the man had smelled nice before, not like John, for he never smoked.

"It's definitely a smell from the past, but where did it come from..." she thought, wrapping herself in the blanket and listening to the wind outside the window. There was a blizzard that evening, and Scarlett was even worried about whether her new "friend" had made his way back to the hotel safely.

She had to see him out herself, she even handed him his felt hat. As he buttoned his coat, she held the hat in her hand, hid her fingers, feeling the softness of the material and the slight tingling sensation in her fingertips as he kept his eyes on her, trying to say something.

Scarlett noticed, couldn't help noticing, how he reacted to her words about the cigars. He became more thoughtful and his gaze became strange.

When she finally handed him his hat, their fingers touched again and he caught her eye, smiled suddenly and said, "Thank you for this evening, Scarlett. It was a wonderful dinner." She smiled but he continued in a sly tone, "but something was missing..."

She raised an eyebrow in question, then suddenly smiled and said, "Coffee..."

"Yes, Scarlett, you've promised..."

"All right, Captain Butler, we'll be waiting for you," she said and wished him a good evening, closed the door, shivering slightly from the cold air.

As she fell asleep, Scarlett wondered why this man had turned up at her house in the first place. Why had he brought the papers himself? Why was he so interested in talking to Wade? Why was he interested in her company?

She remembered his letters to John, their conversation, blinking her eyes sleepily. Suddenly one phrase, he'd said to her that evening, about John calling him "friend", flashed in her mind.

"Hmm... Maybe this man feels indebted to us? Maybe John asked him for something in his letter. After all, he knew we had hardly anyone here, no relatives or friends..."

They haven't had time to make friends, as they did not like noisy events, although John was often called by colleagues and rich clients. They went to horse races and a few ballroom parties, where they even danced. Scarlett smiled sleepily as she remembered John waltzing with her, and she didn't even have to remember the steps, her body remembered everything. They were cheerful, and during a break John took her aside, fixed several strands of her hair and whispered, "I didn't know my wife was such a perfect dancer. You're wonderful..." It was the last year Christmas ball.

"Maybe Captain Butler just felt sorry for me," she thought, frowning slightly and falling into a deep sleep.

Rhett was freezing that evening as he walked from the suburbs to catch the carriage. Entering his hotel room, he threw off his snow-soaked coat, rubbed his frozen fingers lightly and lit the fire in the fireplace. He poured himself a whiskey and sat down in a chair. The fire warmed him from the outside, but the whiskey and the memories of their evening warmed him from the inside.

"To think, that wild young lady from Clayton County... That feisty, frivolous girl... She'll never stop surprising me," he thought, taking another sip of whiskey.

It seemed to Rhett that he knew her all, that he could read her in a look or a smile. But here was a very different girl. Sometimes serious, sometimes affectionate, often demanding of her son, but caring. Often confused, but desperate to hide it, to show only her strength.

She had forgotten her silly desire to have Ashley Wilkes, and many other things. She was like a blank sheet of paper and Rhett thanked the heavens for sending her John. He had 'written' their short love story, had begun to reveal sides of her soul that were inside her but lay somewhere deep. John had protected her and their little family from the world, society, gossip, given her a daughter, and now Rhett realized that more than anything he wanted her to feel protected too, not to have to carry the weight of responsibility alone. He wanted to be there for her and the children, if only as a friend. "But how do I explain that to her?" he thought, frowning slightly and running a hand through his hair.

And of course he realized that the role of 'friend' wasn't the role he wanted to play in her life. He wanted more and he knew it.

"It'll work out," he thought as he made his bed and went to sleep that night, smiling slightly at his plan.

A couple of days later, around ten o'clock in the morning, Rhett was standing outside a familiar door, holding a paper bundle and another box of sweets. He smiled to himself as he knocked confidently on the door. Yes, according to all rules of etiquette he should have written and warned about his visit, but he didn't like rules other than his own. "Besides, the element of surprise can't hurt," he thought as he heard footsteps behind the door.

The door opened and Rhett was surprised to see a slightly overweight, dark-skinned woman in an apron.

She looked at him carefully and asked politely, but her voice was stern, "What do you want, sir?"

Rhett knew at once that this was the cook who helped Scarlett around the house, she had not seen him, because Mary had met him on his first visit and then she had been ill.

Rhett smiled at the incredulous look and replied, "Good morning, I'm a friend of Mrs Carter's and I'm here to see her."

"Are you expected, sir?"

For some reason Rhett remembered strict Uncle Peter at the Hamilton house and grinned.

"Yes. I mean, not really... Anyway, Mrs Carter knows I wanted to come. She's home, isn't she?"

The cook nodded, but still stood in the doorway, unsure about letting a strange man into the house where the young widow was.

Rhett shuffled from foot to foot and asked, just in case, "She's all right, isn't she? She's not ill? Are the children all right?"

The cook still eyed the man suspiciously, but replied briefly, "All well, sir."

"Amy, why is it so cold in the living room?" Rhett heard familiar voice as Mary appeared in the corridor.

"Oh, Captain Butler, good morning," she greeted him with a smile and Rhett nodded.

"Amy, why are you holding a guest at the door?" asked Mary, smiling, and Amy just mumbled to her, "Guests warn about their visits in advance" and opened the door wider she said, "Come in, sir."

Rhett entered, Mary helped him took off his coat, and he asked, "And Mrs Carter? Can I see her?"

"Yes, of course, Captain Butler, come into the living room, she's in the kitchen now with Mr Wade, they're baking cookies, I'll call..." Mary spoke quickly, but Rhett smiled and interrupted her, "No need, Mary, thank you, I know where the kitchen is," and picking up the bundle and the sweets, he took a quick step towards the kitchen, hearing the cook's serious voice behind him, "But, sir..."

Scarlett stood in her black dress and white apron, which Amy had thoughtfully helped her to put on, and glared angrily at Wade, who was pouting and smearing white flour on the table with his finger, drawing incomprehensible patterns.

She'd taken up this activity in the morning to distract and comfort her son, as their stableman couldn't come today because he was helping out at an important race, and Wade wanted to ride a horse. She herself was afraid of riding with a little child, even in the yard and park behind their house, it was always a father and son thing, John planned everything himself.

Scarlett frowned, thinking sadly of her late husband and glancing at Wade, who hadn't shared her enthusiasm, even though he'd helped with the dough at first.

"Come on Wade, let's not argue, there are rules..."

"Mummy, I want to ride the horse," the son said stubbornly, not lifting his head from the table or the flour.

Scarlett sighed tiredly as she ran into a wall of incomprehension. She couldn't sit in the ladies' saddle with the child in front of her, it was dangerous.

"Oh," she thought, looking at her son and wiping her hands on the kitchen towel, "why is he so stubborn sometimes? Was I really such a stubborn child? Or has he taken after his father?" Then she angrily threw the towel on the table in front of her and concluded quietly, "No, this child is definitely like his father! Stubborn as a mule!"

"Wade," she began sternly, raising her voice, "I'm telling you again, there are rules and I have no intention of breaking them, do you hear me, son..."

Scarlett saw that he didn't raise his head, but a tear fell on the wooden table and she was desperately wondering what to do next and how to avoid the annoying cry, when suddenly the door opened, she turned her head and gasped in surprise.

"Good morning, Scarlett!" she heard the cheerful voice of the black-eyed man and frowned slightly.

Since their first meeting, Captain Butler had been immaculately dressed. His suits, hats, shoes, everything was of the finest quality and expensive, it was obvious. The man liked to look perfect. Not that she cared, but here he was again in her house, immaculately dressed, while she herself stood in a simple black house dress, wearing a white cotton apron and her hands were white with flour. She couldn't see it, but there was also a floury, weightless veil on her cheek, right near her cheekbone.

Rhett stood and watched, smiling at how lovely she looked. Her hair slightly out of place, her ruddy cheeks, the open lips that he wanted to kiss, the flour-white hands that she tried in vain to wipe on her apron.

"Captain Butler," she murmured, trying to gather her thoughts.

Rhett smiled wider and said mischievously, "I thought you might have run out of the sweets I brought last time, and here they are," he pointed to the box in his hands and added, "Besides, we wanted to have coffee with you, Scarlett. And that's best in the morning..."

Scarlett waved her hands helplessly, thinking that she should be angry at this grown man who smiled like a boy, but he seemed nice.

So, with a sigh, she smiled politely and said, "Since you're here, Captain Butler, well, we'll have coffee with you as soon as I'm done here," she circled her hands around the table and then looked back at Wade and said quietly, "Son, say hello to Captain Butler."

Wade sniffed his nose and said quietly without turning, "Hello, sir."

Rhett looked carefully at the sad boy, at the stern Scarlett, and noticed that there was a conflict between mother and son, so he said louder, addressing her, "I think there was a thunderstorm here?"

Scarlett looked at him carefully, realized he was right and said in a deliberately loud voice, "It seems to me, that Wade doesn't like the rules his father had set once. Our stable boy couldn't come today and I can't ride with him myself, you know that, Captain Butler, it's not safe."

Rhett nodded and she continued, "I've offered to bake cookies, but Wade's not happy again..."

"Let me ride with him," she heard Rhett reply and looked at him in surprise.

"Captain Butler, I think it's not..." she began.

"Wade, will you ride your horse with me while your mother finishes baking cookies?" he had already asked the boy, who turned his head and smiled happily before turning his gaze back to his stern mother.

"But what about your clothes?" Scarlett tried to argue.

"It doesn't matter," he replied and added, "if mother lets us," he looked at Scarlett and she only had to nod and he continued with a smile, "then run and get dressed, Wade!"

The boy ran happily out of the kitchen, Scarlett could hear him calling for Mary and Amy was nowhere to be seen. The two of them were left alone in the warm kitchen, which smelled of sweet baked goods.

"Oh, that child is so stubborn! Like a mule! I suspect he has taken after my first husband, his father," she exclaimed, looking after her son, and heard a giggle behind her.

"Captain Butler," she turned and looked him straight in the eye, "you don't seem to be very good at following rules yourself, do you?"

He grinned and said, "I've solved your problem, Scarlett, don't be angry. Besides, while I'm with Wade, you can finish to bake the cookies, which I hope you'll treat me to as well."

He smiled at her so much that she had no choice but to smile back.

Then she turned her attention to the table and remembered something, frowning slightly, "Now, Captain Butler, while you're out riding with Wade, I must have time to send Amy to get the coffee grinder, because I never got around to..."

"No need, Scarlett," he cut her off, pointing to the paper bundle, "I bought it for you as a present in the hope of treating me some delicious coffee."

"Oh, but I can't accept it, you know..."

"Scarlett, consider it a gift from a friend or pretend I bought it at your request. Besides, why would I want a coffee grinder in a hotel?" he joked.

Scarlett looked at him, then squinted slyly and smiled. She liked to break the rules sometimes, too.

"Okay, Captain Butler," she replied businesslike, "then we'll make a deal, you brought the coffee grinder and I'll treat you to coffee and cookies, right?"

Rhett looked into her green eyes, to her lips parted in a smile, dimples on her cheeks, and suddenly, unable to resist, he reached out and touched her cheekbone lightly, saying softly, without looking away, "Scarlett, you've got flour here..."

She took an awkward step away from him, flinching at the touch of his cool hand on her hot cheek, and tried to reply calmly, "Thank you, Captain Butler... I have to go upstairs, I need to see Ella."

Rhett saw her turn away from him to the table, then reach for the gold ring she'd taken off while working with the dough, quickly slipping it on her finger and turning to say in a louder voice, "I think Wade's ready, I can hear him."

Rhett watched her in silence, cursing himself for acting like this, and replied in a serious tone as well, "Yes, I'll wait for him in the hall."

After feeding Ella, Scarlett tidied up, braided her hair neatly and took off her apron.

She stood in the kitchen, staring thoughtfully out the window at the silhouette of a horse and two riders in the distance. Her hands were turning the wooden handle of the coffee grinder, Amy was tidying up behind her and humming a quiet song, the cookies were baking and her thoughts were changing.

Scarlett thought of Captain Butler (who always surprised her) that he was confident. "Overconfident," she corrected herself. And he could always turn a situation to his advantage. The only thing Scarlett could never figure out was the purpose of his visits.

As she finished grinding the coffee, she set the grinder down on the table and came to another conclusion. This man was strange, his behaviour was not always clear, but he had one advantage. "John trusted him," she thought, looking at the ring on her finger. Her husband knew people, he felt them, and to have his credit of trust, which Captain Butler had, was the main reason Scarlett accepted him. "Well, and he's really interesting and fun to talk to," she thought as she watched Amy take out the hot cookies.

Looking at them, Scarlett smiled contentedly, but said, "Amy, please, let's get the burnt ones out from the plate," and knowing that Wade and Captain Butler would soon be coming in from the walk, she set about making coffee, having first asked the cook how to do it.

Twenty minutes later the three of them were sitting in the dining room. Rhett and Wade sat closer to the fireplace as they were both cold and flushed but looking cheerful, discussing something lively.

Amy brought in a tray of cookies, hot chocolate for Wade and coffee for Rhett and Scarlett, setting it all on a small table, then left, still glancing the man in disbelief.

Scarlett helped Wade to sit on a chair at the big table, it was more comfortable for him there and she sat closer to the fireplace, in the chair by the coffee table.

Rhett watched her carefully, trying not to act any more like he had in the kitchen before the walk. This was her to him, the one he'd known a long time ago, the one he'd danced with, flirted with, argued with. The one he had kissed that hot night. The one he'd been searching for for months. To her, he's an acquaintance of her late husband, whom she's seeing for the third time in her new life.

"Here's the coffee, Captain Butler," Scarlett said, pouring the black coffee into cups, "and the cookies..."

Rhett noticed that she hadn't put any milk in her cup and asked quickly "Scarlett, don't you want to add any milk?"

"Milk?"

"Yes, it makes the taste softer..." Rhett replied, knowing that she liked her coffee with milk. He had brought it to her a couple of times on his blockade trips and they drank it all together in Aunt Pitty's parlour.

"Okay, I'll try it," he heard her voice and quickly reached for the porcelain milk jag, accidentally touching her hand as she reached for it too.

"Thank you," she said, watching the colour of the coffee change from black to a pleasant shade of beige.

The taste became softer, and Scarlett liked it better than the strong black coffee she and John had drunk at one of the events, and which Captain Butler was drinking now.

"Try a cookie, Captain Butler," she said, trying to make conversation, and added haughtily, "it's not only delicious, it looks nice!"

Rhett tasted the one, smiled and said, "Yes, very tasty! But you have to admit, Scarlett, you took the ugliest ones off the plate, didn't you?"

He looked at her mischievously and Scarlett took a sip of her coffee, not knowing what to say. "And how did he guess?" she thought quickly and said aloud, "Oh, nothing like that, I've got them all nice and tasty at once!"

Rhett laughed at her upturned nose, but then Wade caught their attention with his talk of Christmas, which was only two weeks away, and then Mary came in and took him to play in the nursery.

"And Ella, Scarlett?" asked Rhett suddenly, "how is she?"

"She's fine, Captain Butler, she was awake while you were riding with Wade, but now she's asleep again. She's only two months old, babies often sleep at that age."

Rhett smiled and nodded as he heard a question that took him by surprise, "Captain Butler, what are you going to do for Christmas?"

"Christmas?" he repeated, finishing his coffee and looking at her intently. Of course he dreamed of being with her. He was going to New York for a week to send letters, telegrams and gifts home, and then he expected to join her.

"I'm leaving for New York the day after tomorrow, Scarlett," he began, and for some reason she suddenly felt sad, though she didn't show it, "but I'll be back here in a week, which means it will probably be my first Christmas in Saratoga Springs," he finished with a smile, and she smiled back at him.

"Will you really be alone in town, in a hotel? For Christmas? What about your family or loved ones?" Scarlett asked curiously and then suddenly, thoughtfully, she bit her lower lip and looked at him sadly.

Rhett, seeing the emotion on her face, didn't realize what had happened, but flinched when he heard, "Oh, I've remembered..."

He looked up at her and asked hoarsely, "What?"

"I'd completely forgotten what John told me about you and your drama. You were looking for the woman you loved after the war, weren't you?"

Rhett swallowed and just nodded.

Scarlett was suddenly very curious about this woman, but when she saw that her guest was staring at the fire in the fireplace, she decided that she had offended him and simply said, "I'm sorry, Captain Butler, I seem to be breaking the rules of etiquette today too," than she smiled at him and added politely, "If you'd like to come over for Christmas dinner, I promise there'll be more than scrambled eggs."

Rhett smiled in return and, not believing his luck, said, "I will come, Scarlett, thank you!"

The conversation turned to the weather, holidays, presents, and suddenly Rhett asked her, "And what do you want for yourself, Scarlett? For Christmas?"

She looked at him and answered in a way he hadn't expected, "My memories."

"Aren't you afraid of them? What if there's pain or disappointment or strong feelings?" he asked her the questions that plagued him every night before he went to sleep.

"Strong feelings? You mean for my first husband?" Scarlett asked in surprise.

He smirked, but suddenly asked the strange question again, "Wasn't John afraid of that?"

She looked at him with incomprehension.

"Of course not, Captain Butler. He told me that whatever feelings I had in the past, he and I had something of our own, something special, in the present. And that's part of me too. There's the past and then there's the present."

Rhett sat silently listening to her reasoning, remembering Ashley, her parents and her childhood home. How could he give it all away to her like that? "She'll be in unbearable pain from those memories..." he thought, looking into her eyes again. Suddenly Scarlett shook her head, swiped a few crumbs from her skirt, smiled and said, "Oh, this subject is really so complicated, Captain Butler! In the end, all I want back is what was mine. My past."