neordo gets off of a call with E value=8, who surprisingly agreed to sacrifice himself in the name of not having to be neordo's insurer anymore. With just one more wadley stone needed, neordo attempts to do some breathing exercises to revert back to lordo, but without his wings, this task proves to be impossible. neordo decides to go with the next logical option and checks a phone book, which he finds has lordo in it in the L section. neordo is shocked at the revelation that he may need to fight a stronger version of himself to collect the L stone, but before he can dwell on that for too long, neordo remembers he still needs to pick up the E stone, so he heads over to E value=8's home and kills him swiftly and painlessly. The E stone falls into a convenient fruit basket, making it easy to collect. neordo realizes that he no longer has insurance, but figures it won't be too important. neordo dials up lordo's number, secretly hoping he won't pick up.
"HELLO, WE HEARD YOU DON'T HAVE ANY INSURANCE, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME NOW?" says a voice on the other end, which takes neordo completely by surprise, as this is most definitely not lordo.
""No. Can I speak to lordo if he's available?" neordo asks.
"WOULD YOU LIKE INSURANCE?"
"No. Put me through to lordo."
"INSURANCE?"
"I don't need insurance. I'm my own insurance."
"Hi my own insurance, I'm Dad!" says Dad, which is audible through the phone line, though nobody bothers responding to him.
"WE ARE SORRY, BUT YOU NEED INSURANCE TO EXIST. THANK YOU FOR CALLING US, CALL AGAIN IF YOU NEED INSURANCE." the voice continues, and neordo angrily checks to make sure he called the right number. neordo finds that he did indeed call up the number listed for lordo in the phone book, so he forges some insurance documents with his skerple before redialing the number. "HELLO, AND THANK YOU AGAIN FOR CALLING LAMBDA INSURANCE, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME INSURANCE?"
"With whom am I speaking?" neordo asks, as a realization dawns on him that he might need to kill this entire insurance company to obtain the L stone.
"MY NAME IS UNIMPORTANT, WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS YOUR INSURANCE."
"What do I have to do to get you guys to leave me alone?"
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY INSURANCE?"
"Ok, sure, I'll take your least expensive insurance." neordo says, and a screen appears in front of him, which is for some reason very complicated even for neordo's experienced mind. neordo eventually sees the insurance button on the screen, but is hesitant to press the button since he doesn't know what it will do. neordo also sees the address of the company, and decides that he might as well pay them a visit, since one of their employees might have the stone even if the whole company doesn't. neordo heads to the address listed on the screen, and eventually ends up at an abandoned building, which seems like it hasn't been used in years. neordo steps inside, and sees a small, broken-down robot lying on the ground, with the word "INSURANCE" painted on it, as well as the letter lambda. neordo kicks this robot, and when it doesn't react, he turns it over, revealing that its name is "Broadcast". After getting no responses from the robot whatsoever, neordo leaves the building and tries again to call lordo, since the insurance company seems to possibly be fake.
"HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING LAMBDA INSURANCE, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME INSURANCE?" the voice speaks up the moment neordo dials the number.
"Yes, give me all of your finest insurance." neordo responds, hoping this will solve the problem he encountered when he asked for the least expensive insurance.
"PLEASE SELECT THE CORRECT OPTION ON THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU." a screen once again appears before neordo, which seems to be no less confusing than the previous screen. neordo tries his best to pick the right option, since all that matters to him at this point is getting the L stone. neordo ends up donating his entire life savings to Lambda Insurance, and says goodbye to any chance he ever had of paying off his student loans. "THANK YOU FOR BUYING INSURANCE. YOUR CALL WILL BE FORWARDED NOW." neordo takes a deep breath and dials the number one more time, and is immediately sucked into the receiver and sent back in time to the hospital, where lordo is awaiting his replacement thumb.
"Hello yes, new guy, hello." says E-Merge, but neordo ignores him entirely and wastes no time in pushing lordo to the ground while he's still in a weakened thumbless state. "No don't do, need mon."
"Just know that by doing this, I'm saving you from death at the hands of this madman." neordo notes, gesturing towards lordo.
"Hi saving you from death at the hands of this madman, I'm Dad!" says Dad, before disappearing and returning to the present time.
"I no die, I merge floor." says E-Merge.
"How do you know that?" neordo asks skeptically.
"I die before." E-Merge responds, and neordo turns his attention back to lordo and takes advantage of his vast knowledge of his own weak points by striking every single one consecutively. "No, no, mon first, then kill."
"I got scammed by an insurance company. I don't have any money." neordo says.
"Not from you, him, he need thumb." E-Merge points at lordo.
"He'll pay with his blood."
"What the fuck? Who is this wannabe fella?" grumbles lordo, finally registering neordo's presence.
"If he die he merge floor." warns E-Merge.
"And why is that?" neordo asks.
"Merge floor." E-Merge responds simply. neordo picks up lordo with one hand and tosses him out the hospital window. "Nono, merge window!" E-Merge exclaims, and sure enough, several window shards begin merging into lordo, who struggles to free himself while neordo drinks from lordo's water bottle. lordo manages to free himself, but he still ends up with a giant glass shard where his thumb would have been. neordo puts down the bottle and attempts to shatter the thumb, and when lordo doesn't immediately die from this, he speaks up.
"Pathetic. If you were really me from the future, the exponential growth of my power would have allowed me to kill a past version of myself within seconds." lordo sneers, shaking off neordo and hitting him with a cranium cracker, which is a move designed to take out an opponent's legs without them even realizing.
"What's going on here? You weren't supposed to be an obstacle, you're just supposed to be a weaker version of me!" exclaims neordo. lordo thinks for a moment, and then realizes that neordo has all of the wadley stones except for the L stone. lordo decides to take advantage of this fact, and rather than allowing for himself to be killed, lordo slashes neordo open with his thumb blade, before stealing all of the stones from him. Before lordo can go anywhere, though, a scuffle can be heard in a nearby office, and Jim from Accounting suddenly throws himself out of the room into the open.
"Hey there my broskis! What's crackalacking?" chuckles Jim, doing a finger gun motion at everybody in the vicinity.
"Fuck you Jim, you useless prick!" shouts George from IT, flipping off Jim.
"Holy fucking shit Jim, get out of here, I'm trying to collect mcguffins." lordo says.
"Hi trying to collect mcguffins, I'm Dad!" says Dad.
"Whoa there hombre, I'm sorry for interrupting your groovy vibes, I'll skedaddle!" Jim laughs, before skedaddling.
"Hi sorry for interrupting your groovy vibes, I'm Dad!" Dad says, before leaving the same way he always does.
"God what an asshole, seriously." mutters lordo. lordo realizes that he still has to die to get the L stone, and looks on Wikipedia to see if there's anything else he needs to have ready before offing himself. The Wikipedia page only says that all six stones need to be collected, so lordo shrugs and commits seppuku on the spot, causing the L stone to drop to the ground with the other five. In a move that would certainly qualify as a very bad twist, neordo reveals that he not only survived the slash, but was in fact expecting this to happen. neordo compacts all 6 wadley stones into a disc, and then thinks about where he might be able to find a disc drive. neordo notices that the insurance building is right near the hospital for some reason, and heads over there to see that Broadcast is still motionless on the floor. neordo takes a deep breath and puts the disc into Broadcast's disc drive, before stepping back.
"Awaken my lord! Be free from the shackles of the English alphabet!" declares neordo, raising his hands in the air.
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY INSur...ance…" Broadcast suddenly announces, before returning to its motionless state.
"Shut up." snaps neordo.
"Listen here neordo, I will not tolerate that kind of attitude, why don't you take your own advice and close thine mouth?" Dad announces, suddenly manifesting behind neordo.
"Just you wait, Dad, he'll be here to kick your ass when the download is finished." neordo chuckles, while a completely separate display begins to show a progress bar, with the estimated time to completion ranging from 30 seconds to 17 hours. Several Lambda Insurance popups appear in front of the progress bar, and neordo kicks Broadcast to get them to stop, though of course Broadcast doesn't react to this.