- Episode 1: Introductory Russian Maneuvering -

Viewer's POV

In front of a large academy building among other unoccupied buildings stood Total Drama's second ever host. He was dressed in a suave, white dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. He wore a black suit with dapper dress pants and shoes. His dark, almond hair was short on the sides, yet fuller and more grown out on the top. He smiled with perfect teeth. His oval-shaped face and light, green eyes signified a possible Russian descent to his appearance.

The building behind him was like any other large campus building, with a large portion of grass and sidewalks stripping off from the entrance to the academy out to the right and left sides of the building. These sidewalks also stretched out to a road out ahead of the academy. The center sidewalk headed from the road down to the entrance, with a small staircase leading downwards to the entrance. Around the academy, a long stretch of sidewalks through grassy regions akin to a college campus. There were a few other schoolhouse buildings set up further down from the main academy building. Past that, the road spanned for miles upon miles in each direction with mountains ranging in the background.

"Welcome, everybody!"

The new host spoke with a booming, charismatic voice, with a Russian accent mixed in.

"My name is Mercutio Merle and you're watching, yes, you're about to hear this right: the newest season of Total Drama! That's right, Total Drama's coming back at you with a sixth, and truly final season this time. Welcome, viewers. Welcome to Total Drama Million Dollar Academy! This season, we'll be having four returning contestants and eighteen new ones battling it out at the brand new Million Dollar Academy! As I'm sure you could guess, this season's theme? College!"

Mercutio stared off into the distance of the road ahead of the academy where a school bus was coming closer.

"Ah, have a gander at that, the gang's about to arrive! Before we introduce them, let me introduce you to my accomplice and chef, Tracy!"

Mercutio yanked in another man, shorter and scrawnier than him, wearing a white dress shirt tucked into dress pants with suspenders and a bowler hat on his head. The man clicked like a cricket and winked at the camera.

"How you doin'?"

"Alright, that was Tracy!"

The bus let out a tsssss noise; it had pulled up and parked.

"Now, it's time to meet the rest of the bunch!"

The doors to the bus opened up.

"The first of the returning favorites is... Noah!"

Noah stepped off the bus, flashing a face of disinterest at the camera. "Mercutio, is it?"

"That it is."

The bookworm stepped forward to greet the new host. "I'm just gonna hope you're nothing like Chris."

"Hey, buddy, you don't have a thing to worry about."

Noah nodded, nonchalant. "Fantastic."

"Next up, here comes another returning favorite! Let's all put our hands together for Izzy!"

Izzy let out a caterwaul at the top of her lungs as she flew out of the bus like a flying squirrel.

Noah's eyes shot open as Izzy soared towards him. "No, no, no, no, no!"

Izzy screamed as she flipped him over, the two collapsing into the grass behind the sidewalk.

"Noah! Oh, my god, I missed you, like, as much as one perfectly reasonable and sane human being can miss another perfectly reasonable and sane human being! Did you miss me, too?"

"Am I surprised?" Noah grumbled. "Not really."

"That's an epic gamer moment for you," Mercutio commented. "Next up, she's tall, icy, and has the straightest back of any girl I've ever seen, it's Alanna!"

The brunette paced down the steps to the bus with a frown on her face, swishing her bangs out of her face to reply, "I have a rod in my back, asshole. It's a scoliosis thing."

"Ah, yes, there's the explanation."

Alanna took a moment to glance around at the returning contestants alongside her.

"Hi! I'm Izzy! You don't have to worry about me trying to bite you!" She greeted Alanna with a bizarre ferventness, waving from where she still lay atop Noah.

She seemed bothered by her enthusiasm. "Alanna. Great to meet you, Izzy..."

"Make way for the final returning contestant: the Codemeister!"

Cody stepped off the bus with finger guns a-blazin'. His eyelids were slit and laid back as he strutted forward.

"Mercutio, dude! Great to finally meet you."

"Likewise, my short friend."

"Noah, s'up?"

Noah gave him a curt wave, finally getting to his feet after Izzy got off him. "Hi, Cody."

"Mercutio, we got any more ladies debuting?"

"Oh, yes. Now, it's time to meet all the new contestants!" Mercutio announced. "First off the bus from our new cast, meet... Athena!"

"Hi, everyone!"

The girl smiled wide with damn-near glowing orange eyes. Contacts. She had fluffy, nearly perfectly maintained, orangey blonde hair coming down to just about her biceps. She wore a dress only coming down to her knees that was silver with splotches of white and black on it, as well as a large belt in the center of it. Stylish, yet it also seemed to resemble a drunk painter splashing their brush into the paint and throwing it every which way on their canvas-likely a stylistic choice.

Athena bounced over to the cast, giddy with excitement and enthusiasm. "It's lovely to meet you guys! By the way, you can call me Theen for short if you like, but only if you like."

"Perfect," Noah muttered.

Cody stepped forward with a sly grin. "Hey, name's Cody, but you can call me Codemeister if you like. Hehe. Charmed to meet you."

"Oh, you and me both, Codemeister," she replied with a huge smile as she shook his hand. "You and me both."

Cody bit his lip from the excitement he felt.

"Up next, it's Matcha!"

The second of many new contestants wasn't quite as giddy to be around the others as Athena, yet retained an aura of friendliness regardless. While tightly-wound and meaning business in her cleaned-up, business-professional attire appearance, Matcha still smiled at everyone and waved politely. Through a white dress shirt, you could faintly make out a bumblebee tattoo on her upper back.

"Nice to meet you all."

"Wonder whether she means it," Alanna muttered.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing."

Flashing her a lightheartedly confused glance, Matcha chuckled. "All right then? Question mark?"

With Matcha settling herself by Athena, the orangey-blonde smiled big at the brunette.

"Hi, Matcha, I'm Athena. It's wonderful to meet you."

"You too."

"Alright, say hello to Bowie!" Mercutio announced.

Stepping off the bus with an aura of confidence came Bowie. He grinned an assured grin as he strutted past the others.

"Charmed to meet all of you. I'm sure we're all gonna get along quite nicely."

Alanna couldn't help but laugh, then Bowie laughed along with her.

"Yeah, right, right?" he chuckled.

"Bowie, I love your style!" Athena gushed.

"Girl, right back at you! Pablo Picasso wishes he could design something nicer than your dress!"

Athena blushed.

Mercutio continued. "Up next, meet Damien!"

He waved to the others. "Hey, what's up? Damien here. So, how do I win?"

"Pardon?"

"When do I get my money?"

"Are you lost?" Matcha asked.

"Ooh, maybe he's stupid!" Izzy suggested.

"Uh, nah, I just- I've never seen Total Drama before," Damien explained. "My friends put me up to it, said it'd be fun. So, how do I win?"

"Oof," Mercutio cleared his throat.

"Yeesh..." Alanna murmured.

"The climb to the winner's chair in a Total Drama season is a long, grueling, arduous task."

Damien's easygoing nature dropped into anxiety. "W-wait, really?"

"Oh, yes. I won't be trying to kill you like Chris McLean, however, you still have a long way to go before you reach the finale."

"Uh... is it too late to get back on the bus?"

"Step aside."

"Wait, Chris who tried to kill what now?"

"Up next," Mercutio ignored him and returned the focus to himself, "adding even further to the diversity of this cast, it's time to welcome our third Asian contestant after Heather and Courtney, it's Iko!"

"Is anybody gonna answer me?" Damien whimpered.

"You sweet, sweet, summer child," Bowie cooed.

The following contestant stepped off the bus' steps with a backpack slung over one of his shoulders. He was a slim-thick Indonesian guy, his black hair grown out to a medium length. The newcomer wasn't very physically impressive, with a gut, slightly chubby face, and more or less average height, if not shorter. However, he was dressed to impress, rocking a casual, yet stylish blue shirt with a collar underneath both a formal vest and a dark gray overcoat, extending down to his knees. He also wore green chinos and green and white vans. Were his features more interesting to look at, the outfit would raise his attractiveness tenfold.

"What's up, everyone?" As he spoke, like Mercutio, his ethnicity was clear based on his accent.

"Mind if I ask what's in the bag?" Mercutio questioned.

"Oh, it's nothing, just a soundboard."

"Sound-what?" Cody wondered.

Iko shrugged. "I'm a producer. Well, an aspiring one anyway. Music is my passion. I'm hoping if I can win this season, then maybe I'll be able to gain some recognition for my real passion."

"Reality TV isn't your real passion?" Mercutio assumed.

"I sure do wonder how that could be," Noah murmured.

"I really like your accent!" Athena beamed.

"Ah, thank you."

"Speaking of which, let's meet Queen!" Mercutio announced.

Queen had long hair dyed a dark, powerful purple. Her hair drifted off by the sides of her face, but was long enough everywhere else to reach her back. She had deep, brown eyes that brought out the smoothness of her skin, and she wore a stylish medallion necklace with a purple tank top showing both her stomach and upper chest. Besides this, she wore jeans, but most noticeable about her after her hair was the way she carried herself. Her nose was practically eight feet in the air by the air of regality and pride she brought along with her.

"Well, hello. Charmed to meet you all."

"Hey, you ever play Skyrim?" Cody asked her.

"Uhm... why ever do you ask?"

"You just kinda sound like the High Elf women in that game. That's all."

Beat.

"Interesting," she replied, forcing politeness that didn't come naturally.

Suddenly, Queen jolted, prancing aside to stand by the others at the sight of someone new appearing. The way in which this newcomer appeared made it seem as though she'd noclipped straight from the backrooms to regular reality in the blink of an eye. This purple-with-pink-highlighted-hair sporting girl had a smile straight out of an early 2000's creepypasta. She was dressed like some kind of possessed circus doll, wearing clothes as purple as her ponytails. Her skin was snow white.

"Good lord, where did she come from?" Queen murmured.

"Everyone, this is... Lauren," Mercutio muttered. "Uhm... try not to speak with her too mu-"

"W-what's with the smile?" Iko wondered.

Mercutio facepalmed. "Dammit, Iko..."

"May I eat your heart?" she chirped.

Iko faced her with horror, paralyzed in a hunched up position. "W-w-what?"

"A river of blood," uttered Lauren. She spoke with a tone common for customer service reps, however, there was no customer to be assisted... "A torrent of hellfire and brimstone will envelop the village. I saw it in my dreams. Yes. Yes. I heard the screams of the innocent as they were purged. God comes for us all one day, and some will never realize that that day comes sooner than later."

Silence.

"You like your contestants nice and sane here, don't you, Mercuti?" Bowie commented.

"Let's move on as quickly as possible," Mercutio urged. "Welcome, Shawn!"

The next competitor was tense with an unknown anxiety, scurrying off the bus only when he was fully convinced it was safe. His green beanie was less than an inch above his wide, frightened eyes, cloaking his eyebrows. [1]

"Shawn, you look a little shaken, a bit like I enjoy my alcohol. What's bugging you?"

"Bugging? Oh, no, I'm not bugging. I'm always like this."

"The word 'why' comes to mind," Alanna mentioned.

"It's the fucking brain-eaters, man! The fucking zombies!"

"Come again?" Matcha requested.

"You gotta watch your back, bro!" Shawn continued, trembling like crazy. "Mercutio, you've decontaminated the academy, right? You have, haven't you? There aren't any flesh eaters inside?"

"Not that I'm aware of, other than my tovarisch Tracy here," Mercutio mentioned as he patted his hand against his chef's back.

Shawn yelped, curling into a trembling ball on the concrete by the road.

"Here comes Holden!"

Holden was shorter than average, yet nothing too noticeable. He wore casual clothes, had long, curly brown hair down to his shoulders, and had on a leather jacket. His energy was much lower than Shawn's.

"S'up?"

"How goes it, Holden?"

"Dandy," he replied unenthusiastically.

"That's one way to debut on a TV show," Mercutio muttered as Holden paced away from the bus. "Let's meet Jayshawn!"

"Ayyo!" shouted the newcomer.

Jayshawn was fit, and wore a sleeveless, dark blue gym shirt with dark gym shorts, as well as an equally dark blue headband pressed tight against his short dreads. He leaped out of the bus excitedly, clutching a microphone in his hand. He immediately turned to face the center camera as he paced over towards Mercutio.

"I wonder how he tastes," Lauren uttered.

"What the fuck is going on everybody? My name's Jayshawn, coming to you live from the set of Total Drama Million Dollar Academy! I'm boutta meet the host, Mercutio. Great name by the way."

"'Preciate it."

"Alongside Mercutio, I'm joined here today with the rest of the competition-a bunch of people that I'm eventually gonna beat on my way to the top!"

Matcha failed to stifle a laugh.

"Is that right?" Queen murmured, amused.

"Please Mercutio, tell the viewers a little something about yourself."

"Well, I, uh... I enjoy long walks in the park, maybe a box of wine at dinner with my ducks... Hold on, I'm supposed to introduce you!"

Jayshawn laughed, shrugging off the routine he was performing. "I'm just playing with you, man, chill. If you can't tell, I'm gonna be a famous reporter one day."

"Glad to see you're so passionate."

"Baby, passion's all you need! Well, passion and a whole whopping million dollars, of course."

"Right on," Cody agreed.

"Hard yes," Bowie replied.

"I like you already, Jayshawn," Mercutio commented.

Jayshawn did a little bow as the host announced the next newcomer.

"Say hello to broody and moody Stephen!"

Stephen was your typical early 2000s emo kid. He had jet black hair-most likely dyed-and punk clothing with excessive necklaces hanging from his neck. He had eye liner around his eyes, glaring ahead of him through one eye, the other with his black hair dangling over it.

"Good to meet you, Step-"

"Shut up."

"Up next, it's Jill!"

The next girl to step off the bus did so with a friendly energy about her. She had tan skin with luscious red hair flowing down from a green beanie. She had a blue top and very dark green leggings, her top exposing her equally tan shoulders and bra straps. Jill smiled, her eyes a powerful green.

"Hi!"

"What's good, Jill? You excited to be on Total Drama?"

"Totally!"

Her and Mercutio laughed.

"Bad joke."

"I know. Go ahead and stand with the others so I can introduce our final four contestants."

Jill shrugged a warm shrug. "Will do."

The following contestant to step off the bus had all the features of a stereotypical stoner. He had the baggy clothes, a yellow shirt, pink pants as well as a green newsie hat, the back-length ponytail with glazed over eyes and a friendly smile. Within a moment of stepping off the bus steps, he sneezed a number of times. He cracked a can of soda as he exited his sneezing fit.

"Oh, jeez. Sorry about that, yo. What's good in the hood, la familia? I'm Zee."

"Zee, you seem to have a real allergy issue," Mercutio mentioned. "It'd be best to avoid close contact with him."

He chuckled. "Hahaha, man, you sound just like my teachers."

"Your name is actually 'Zee'?" Noah asked.

"Nah, bruh, it's a lot longer and harder to spell than that. I just think that's easiest, you know? Zee. Zeeee. Zeeeeeeeee. Listen to that. How many 'e's do you think get added each time I elongate it? Zeeeeeeeeeeeeee." He laughed.

"Moving on. Come on out, Fish."

The following contestant, Fish, stepped out of the bus with a relaxed swagger to his demeanor. The guy was slim and tall, wearing a blue dress shirt and jeans, with a clean shaven face and the early 2000s Justin Bieber kind of short, swayed hair.

"Thought you'd never ask."

Fish approached Zee, who flashed him a relaxed smile.

"Hey, man, your name is Fish? That's super creative actual-" The smile vanished when Fish came up and pinched him right on the ass. "Aiy!" Zee squeaked. "Sheesh, man, at least buy me dinner first."

"Relax, sweetheart, I'm just having fun."

"Wait, what'd you call me, man?"

Fish smacked him in the back of the head. "Nothing, bitch."

"Hey," Zee murmured.

"Didn't like that? Do something about it."

Zee hesitated. "Not really sure where this interaction goes from here..."

"Bro, I'm just messing with you!" Fish started to crack up, as though he couldn't believe Zee had fallen for the facade. "I'm not like that, man! I'm not that kind of guy, I promise." [2]

Other members of the cast appeared uncomfortable over Fish's first moments on the show. Zee ended up laughing along with the newcomer. Strangely, Fish made cat noises at Zee as he wandered off, then chuckled and prodded Bowie, standing closest to him.

"Fish should make for an interesting contestant, I'm sure," Mercutio mentioned. "Kobe! Come on out and meet everybody!"

The contestant to exit the bus was taller than others and sported one hell of an afro. The way he walked suggested he knew just what kind of hair situation he had, and flaunted it. He dressed casually, and acted just as casually.

"What's up, Mercutio?" Kobe approached him and dapped him up. "S'up?" He dapped up the next closest person: Fish.

Fish dapped him back. "What it is, my nigga?"

Jill gasped. Cody bit his lip and took a few paces back. Holden laughed and murmured, "Yikes..."

"What'd he just say?" Damien retorted.

Bowie shook his head a number of times.

"Oh, hell nah," Jayshawn grumbled. "Best not bring that word over my way, bitch-ass."

"Sorry, what the fuck?" Kobe responded.

"Hey, hey, relax, everybody, chill." With Jayshawn shaking his head at him, Fish faced Kobe again. "Relax, g, my grandma's black. I'm not even white, I'm Greek," Fish explained. "Listen, I feel like I've got black, uh, organs, you know? Parts of me on the inside are black, it just doesn't show on my skin, feel me?" [3]

Surprisingly for some of the cast, Kobe remained calm. He eyed Fish with intrigue. "Dog, I don't even know you, but I can tell you're one weird motherfucker."

"Don't let him," Zee sneezed, "pinch your ass." This formed an incredulous expression on Kobe's face. "Unless you're into that kinda thing, I guess," Zee finished.

"Not from him..." Bowie murmured.

Mercutio moved them on before any more conversation could spark. "Up next, meet Mary Kate, otherwise known as MK!"

On MK's way out of the bus, she held a script in her hand and stepped towards the host. "You guys heard the host, so I don't really feel the need for an introduction." The way she spoke was raspy and somewhat dry, unusually so for a teenage girl. She sounded many years older. She raised the script and said, "Mercutio, think you're a little ahead of schedule, bub."

"'Bub'?" he echoed.

"It says here on line eight of page four that I'm supposed to debut right after Caleb. It's all right, man, you're not an actor; you shouldn't be forced to memorize all this stuff. Don't feel so bad."

Mercutio snatched the script from her in an instant, thumbing through it before snapping, "Where did you get this? How could you possibly have this?"

"I wouldn't worry about it. Keep it. I'm also not an actor, so don't worry your head about me remembering any of that either."

Mercutio side-eyed the teen as she went to stand with the rest of the cast. Bowie cast an intrigued glance at her himself.

"Speaking of which..." the host muttered. "Here's Caleb."

As soon as he stepped off the bus, a multitude of pairs of eyes veered straight toward him. "What's up, everyone?" he greeted them.

"Oh, my..." Queen murmured under her breath. Beside her, Jill was equally interested in him.

"He's sexy!" Izzy shouted shamelessly.

Caleb smiled and nodded. "I appreciate that."

"You just wanna take a bite out of him!"

Shawn yelped at the mention.

"You sure take care of yourself, Caleb," Mercutio mentioned. "What's your secret?"

"Besides skincare, the gym, and eating your veggies, have hot parents. That works wonders."

"I wish I looked like you," Iko stated.

"Take it from me, it's what's inside you that matters most."

"Sure sounds rich coming from this prick," Holden muttered.

"Brace yourselves, cast," Mercutio cautioned, "this next gal has quite the face."

"What's that supposed to mea-" Cody started, but his words lodged in his throat as soon as he laid eyes on her.

This girl was an absolute stunner. The way she stepped off the bus suggested she knew it. Though not as curvy as past contestants such as LeShawna, she had a curvaceous frame, and judging by her facial features only, she appeared French. She had soft, brunette hair and a comforting smile, wearing a black and white striped top and a black skirt. However, the major difference in appearance in this competitor from the rest were the facial tattoos she had.

On each of her cheeks below her eyes was a Chinese dragon, winding down her cheeks forming S's, each different from the other in design and artwork. One was red with the other black. Between her eyes were the horns of a bull and above her eyes she had black flower designs.

"Come on, now. Why are you all looking at me like that?"

Cody and Iko gawked at her, utterly stunned by her appearance. It was like they'd both seen an angel descend from Heaven.

"Oh, dear lord and the holy spirit..." Cody murmured under his breath.

"Damn..." Fish bit his lip, denying to hide his eyeballing.

"Job stopper," Jayshawn muttered through fake coughs.

"I think everyone's looking at the dragons, Londyn," Mercutio stated.

Londyn smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm used to that by now."

"Girl, those are the sickest tats I've ever seen!" Zee exclaimed. "God, you look awesome!"

"You're too sweet," she gushed.

"Hello there," Cody greeted her, awkwardly coughing into his arm. "General Kenobi. I'm am, er, I am Co- co- er, that's what my grandma calls me. But please, don't call me that. I'm Cody. U-unless you want me to be Co-co. Coco. Shit, that sounds pretty feminine, huh? I can be either. I mean I'd really rather not be Coco, but I can get over it if you wan-"

"Okay, Cody, I think. Duly noted."

Clearing his throat, he smiled nervously and nodded curtly.

"Well, hasn't this been fun?" Mercutio faced the center camera. "Those were our twenty-two contestants! Join us after a quick break to watch these contestants get divvied up into teams and participate in their first challenge! Total Drama Million Dollar Academy will be right back!"

[1] Because Pahkitew Island doesn't exist in the Journey of My Life canon, Shawn counts as a new contestant

[2] I knew a dude who acted just like this. He was insufferable

[3] Like I said - he was insufferable