I do not own skip beat! Yoshiki Nakamura does.

Storm Aftermath – Part 2 –

/Warning/ This chapter talk about the aftermath of sexual assault in the second part of the chapter, if you are not comfortable reading this, skip that part.

They made their way to the kitchen, hearing voices escaping from the room as they closed in. Rather heated voices, even. Kyoko wondered what this was all about. Since the beginning of their trip, she had had the occasion to observe the dynamic of the group, and it had been rather kind and welcoming. Accepting even, of everyone singularities. Even of her, and they barely knew her when they proposed her to join them to this trip. Well, Ren did. But no one had complained about her presence, whatsoever. And all of Ren's friends had been very friendly and fun to be with. The group had seemed pretty close-knit. And while not shocking to her, the only person that had seemed just a step further had been Ren. Amending maybe his friendship with Taku, Koga and Kijima where that seemed to be less the case.

It was by far- as she had thought before – , less than in the past, where he kept people at arm's length and hadn't had any friends. But you could still see a difference, or maybe that was because he was rather solitary to begin with. She had questioned if maybe one of those three knew his true name. She guessed it might be the case but she wasn't entirely sure.

All that being said, she had witnessed first everyone was still very chill, and didn't argue easily. So, to hear a full-blown argument was rather shocking, she thought as they pushed the door and passed the threshold of the kitchen.

What was even more surprising was that the minute they entered Ren tensed like a hardboard, and she could feel the old familiar murderous aura he was emitting.

Wow… Why is he so angry?

It was nothing compared to what he had given off during their dispute. It made their quarrel look like playground in contrast.

But if she was looking at him, he wasn't looking in her direction and she followed his darkened gaze until her own fell upon a person in the middle of the vast room, surrounded by the whole group. Every single person present in the room was sending the figure glares and hostility, but she could not see who it was. She moved forwards two steps, getting a glimpse of then. An aghast shaking Mei stood there, looking pissed, yet whimpering.

Kyoko frowned.

She ignored what the issue was but that did seem a little excessive, even if something had happened. Or that she did something wrong.

She tried to take more steps, wondering if there was a way to defuse the tension in the room without feeling like she was intruding in Ren's friends' affairs, but suddenly she was backwards again. Glued and pressed into Ren's right side, one of his long arms curled around her waist in a deadlock seize.

Now she was even more disoriented by the whole thing, and also distracted. The feel of that firm far-too-natural strength in his arm squeezing her at that sensitive place rattling at her senses.

"Ren?"She asked but he didn't turn her way. He kept his furious gaze straight forwards, pointed at one person that Kyoko thought she heard squeaking. That was also about this moment she realized that, besides Ren, everyone was looking at her. Not just looking but giving her an apologetic expression. Guilty one even, for some.

Am I missing something?

"What's wrong – "

"What is she doing here?"He asked in one of the coldest and slowest voices she had ever heard him take.

"I thought I had made it clear," He started back, very carefully stretching the words in that ice tone, and the animosity he was letting off finally got into Kyoko that something was very wrong, indeed. Not even Airi-san rose to the defence of the girl, and she knew they were the closest. "I do not want to see her around or anywhere close to the cabin!"

"Damn right."Koga said.

"That's what we were arguing about."Told, Kijima. "She came back wanting to explain herself and fetch her stuff."

Koga sighed before adding after him. "Most of us were in the mind to let Airi-san do it, and not let her approach a mile away from here. But Airi asked to at least let her pick up her things. Which created some mild disagreement, let's say."

"Then, the main concerned had the good idea to say she wouldn't go anywhere if she couldn't explain herself, adding fuel, I hope wasn't on purpose." Ended Taku, speaking for the first time since they entered and in a surprising venom, compared to what Kyoko had been able to witness so far. But more importantly, why is that every single one of them wanted to make Mei-san leave the cabin? She could grasp something had happened, but to the point of kicking her out? It nearly looked like they were repudiating as a friend.

"She won't explain anything." Ren said with a set tone.

"How would we know she would be telling the truth, anyway." Koga stated.

"Please, let me speak …-," Mei-san finally spoke, or rather demanded, "Let me speak with her."

Kyoko frowned. She was downright confused. But it had nearly looked like the only person she had been speaking about was – … her.

"No."Ren threw with the same finality as before, and squeezed her even tighter.

A concert of 'no' followed his reply, and she saw Mei-san clenched her fists in anger, a wrecked bitterness making way in her expression.

A pause. Then the girl snapped, though she never looked in the direction of Ren or into his eyes anymore. And she was shaking a little. Weird. Why was she so scared?

"I can't believe you are still so pissed! And all because of this tramp!"She let out in an angry shaky sulky complaint, and Kyoko physically felt it, then. The moment when his chest stopped rising. The moment he stopped aspiring air. And how much negative energy he was spiralling in. They all cut their breaths, in fact. Not a word, not whistle of air was heard.

Not that she did not feel insulted, even though she didn't know why she had been, but there was more important right now. Well, she had a vague idea of the root reason but she didn't think she had done anything to worsen it recently, so it didn't add up. She wasn't even here yesterday! She was in the storm. Or was it because he went to search for her? If so, she could understand that it had worried her, and that the girl wasn't happy she was the reason he had been put in danger.

The silence stretched for what seemed an infinity while it must only have been a second.

"Get-out. Now."

The girl did not move, and Kyoko started to worry the less charitable version of his anger would appear anytime soon. And she was right.

" . ."He spoke in a sickly lowered voice. "Or I will throw you outside myself."

Yup. That was Kuon dark side right now.

This time, the girl did move, exiting the room and shaking like a leave as she passed them. But they didn't hear the outside door open, meaning she was just in another room.

"Man… You know it's serious when Tsuruga Ren starts swearing."Kijima let out in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere but that- despite a few tight smiles – , still failed.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. He needed to relax. He turned swiftly at her touch and she thought he would snap at her too but the minute he looked into her eyes, his back significantly eased from the tension.

"Easy," She said, trying to sooth him, "It's no use getting so upset with a friend, no?"

"She is no friend," He stated without any remorse, "not anymore."

She furrowed her brows. It seemed it was more serious than she had thought.

"I'm sorry if I'm intruding but what happened? Do you mind telling me?"She inquired. She didn't want to step into stuff that was not her business but it had seemed like it somehow concerned her, so she thought she might have a right to know.

"You didn't tell her?"Kijima said but he was cut saying more.

"Shut up, Kijima!" Momose scolded him. "When would he have had the time with yesterday and last night events?!"

It was becoming more and more confusing so she just waited, and looked at Ren until he was ready to speak.

She saw him sigh deeply before he turned to Momose.

"Can you make sure she leaves?"He asked and the kind woman nodded even before he could finish. "I don't want her anywhere close to Kyoko."

Momose left and after some struggle, they finally heard the outside door close. Then and only then, Ren turned back to her, smiling patiently and she wondered how he could look so calm after such an anger. And it wasn't just a look, she could feel most of his boiling energy had left.

"You prefer to discuss this before or after breakfast?"He asked.

"Depends. Is it really-really upsetting or just a downright upsetting?"She questioned with humour, and seeing Ren softening, she was glad she had chosen to do so.

"The difference being?" he asked.

"One will make me throw up my breakfast. Potentially?"She told him with a very artistically made-up stern expression. She heard some chuckles in the background, reminding her all his friends were watching, and she felt a little self-conscious at the observing eyes. She was too used to the easy banter. And on top of it, she was positive all of them must have known they had slept in the same room. And even if she was positive they knew it wasn't like that between the two of them, she was also sure they wouldn't care one bit about that before teasing them.

She saw Ren pinch his lips with a contained smile at her answer, then shook his head.

"Discussion first, then."

He brought her to the living room, leaving everyone else in the kitchen, and she was actually glad that whatever needed to be said, her reaction wouldn't be perused over by a million eyes.

They sat down by the chimney and that made her realize he was still in his clothes of yesterday.

"You should go change and take a shower."She let out.

"Do I stink?"He asked, and she shook her head, refraining herself to say that, even if he actually did, she would probably not consider it that way, since it was from him. But there was no need to attract his attention on her obsession over him so she shut up, patting herself on the shoulder for the simple shook of her head and the small answer afterwards. "No, but it mustn't be very comfortable."

"Then, later."

He was making her nervous, looking so serious.

"Is it that bad?"

He sighed but replied instead.

"There are two things we need to talk about."

She nodded. "Okay."

"One is about something Mei did."He said and she nodded, having guessed as much. "One is about something Mei said."

This time, she frowned but he continued before she could ask him to elaborate. "Something she insinuated or rather let out she heard when we- …-talked yesterday evening. Something that you might not want to talk about – which will be perfectly fine if it's the case – , but that I hope, God I hope – … – isn't true."

She felt really lost on what he could mean. She didn't remember speaking with Mei much. Obviously, Mei didn't like her but yesterday put aside, she couldn't pinpoint one moment when she would have heard something so upsetting that it would cause such an uproar.

She nodded anyway.

He sighed. Looking sad and angry and fearful. Mostly sad.

"To cut things short, let's start with what Mei did. Basically, it was a set-up."He dropped, and he was back to full-blown furious energy, though he was trying to keep it in check.

Still, she didn't get what he meant. What was a set-up? Her face must have indicated as much because he rubbed his face once before looking straight at her with those sad angry eyes.

"Yesterday was. From Mei to you."

"What do you mean by a set-up, exactly?" She asked, though a foreboding feeling was making its way inside of her.

"Me going to do a last slope, me being in danger. Her, not being able to reach me, and being all worried and all that."He told her in a precise rush, as he wanted to be so done with this.

Wait. But she had told her –

"But she- …-she was worried and – "

He shook his head.

"She knew very well I was with the guys, and I had never had any intention to go for another slope yesterday. I had seen it was closed, and even without that, just the weather would have dissuaded me. I have not received any message from her being worried at any time of the evening yesterday."

"Oh."

"She even hid your phone. Because she didn't want you to see our replies."

"Oh."

"We came back in a hurry after seeing your messages, but not getting any answer to ours after we replied, we sensed something was very wrong." He continued, fists tight with the boiling furore that was still present, "But when we arrived, you weren't there, and we spent a whole hour trying to extract the directions of where you went and why you went out, from her. Since she wouldn't talk."

"Oh."

Now, that made sense. That made a whole more sense. Why they were all so angry and turned on Mei-san. Why it was to the point of Ren not wanting to talk to the girl, anymore. That was not something light. Not just the quarrel she had imagined they might have had with her. The girl had put Ren and some of his friends in danger. And Kyoko herself, in passing, though she still felt she was the one to blame for believing everything and not checking thoroughly before going outside. But she was actually getting a little angry at the girl. Things could have turned out so much, much worse. If she hadn't found shelter. If Ren had searched in a more precarious place. If an avalanche had caught any of them…

Her shoulders sagged. It could have been so much. But it hadn't been. It wasn't. Relief flooded her senses, and her anger dissipated like foam.

She thought she felt touched by Ren's friends reaction. She wouldn't have thought they would have necessarily taken her side, and turned their back fully on Mei-san. Though, admittedly, someone being able to do something like this was reason enough to stop being friends she'd guess, independently of the person that had been victim of it. They wouldn't have had to feel strongly about a person to find it unacceptable to keep being friends with the aggressor. Or so, she could imagine it would be the case, sometimes. Still, she couldn't help it, she felt touched. Even if it was irrational, even if they might not care very much about her, away from her friendship with Ren. But really, mostly, truly, she felt relieved. Ren was safe. Everyone was safe. Once that basic imperative was met, she was surprised to find herself finding excuses to the girl. Or trying to understand her. She was young and had clearly something going for Ren, and must have felt so frustrated with Kyoko's own presence. Not that it excused going to such lengths. And putting many people in danger.

But, rationally speaking, now that no one was at risk anymore, she could analyse this. After all, you were often blinded by your own feelings. She didn't think the girl really wanted her dead, after all. Maybe just away from Ren.

She didn't share those thoughts with her friend, though. One thing was to try to understand her, another was to pledge for her when you knew she might know no limit when she desired something, and that potentially it could put him in troubles or pain again. Being part of the reason that would help the girl to reconcile with the group, while thinking it might bring danger for Ren and his friends was a limit she wasn't able to cross-past. Even knowing it might be the righter thing to do.

"No wonder you looked like a pissed hedgehog just before."She instead said with a rueful smile.

He blinked at her.

"A pissed hedgehog?"

She tilted her head.

"You prefer an annoyed porcupine?"

"What – … -No. Wait." He shook his head, kinda gaping. "That's all you have to say?"

She shrugged.

"Well, I'm mostly relieved you weren't in danger in the first place. And we are both fine now," She added, "So, the only anger I still feel is on the fact that if I hadn't been stupidly in danger because I was too trustful, then you wouldn't have had to run out to rescue me. I mean, sure, I'm angry," She added when she saw his face, "but the storm has passed and we are alive and unharmed, so…"

She rubbed at her neck, and turned her face slightly away, pulling at her hair even when she saw he was still somewhat staring.

"I don't feel like I can complain too much… Kinda. I'm just angry at myself, I guess."

He sighed a long loud amused breath before dropping his head forwards.

A dry short laugh escaped him before he stood back and looked at her grimly.

"It wasn't your fault." He stated firmly. "I can't believe you are blaming yourself, of all people!" He rubbed at his face with the struggle of someone faced with an unsolvable problem. "You should be more furious." He grumbled.

"I know."She agreed, reluctantly, not commenting on the first part. Sheepishly.

"But you aren't."He stated, and she could feel the new resignation gaining his voice, irritated resignation that is.

"Nah."

"I must take upon me that mission, then."

Her face pulled into a grin, feeling the sudden humour in his voice.

"Abort mission."

He snorted, thinking, before replying in a military fashion.

"Noted, ma'am."But then he amended. "I will try. But no promise for the moment."

She smiled back at him, glad that the tension had dissipated but then all trace of amusement suddenly left him.

"Next subject, I guess?"

"Yes."

"Why do I feel like it will be worse?"She said, trying to keep a light tone, despite his sombre expression and the wariness she was feeling. Knowing what she now knew made her fear many horrendous feats coming from Mei-san, now. What did the girl say that was troubling Ren so much?

"… It all depends."He eventually let out.

"Depends on what?"She asked.

"If it's true."

"Mei said she had heard a conversation between you and Ken." He set out, but she could see it in his eyes and in his fake casualness. The way he was posturing his arms, tight but trying to relax, eyes searching for reassurance that what he was about to say was false, and yet unusual hesitation in his gaze. Apprehension. Fear even.

Yet, after this one sentence, only one thing was in her mind.

He knows.

§§§

So he told her. His insides twisting in dread and horror that it might be true but having to tell her. That rat had said this in front of everyone, he couldn't just pretend he hadn't heard anything after such words. She had a right to know what had been said behind her back. Even more so if it was true.

God did he hope it wasn't. Let it be false. Let it be false. Let it be venom pronounced in the heat of the moment. Please, God.

He had been too preoccupied with finding her, safe and sound. Praying she would be alive. But once he had found her, he had been too happy, too relieved, and too exhausted to think back, to think on what had been said.

But now, here he was, nearly as afraid as he had been yesterday, but for another reason.

But he told her. He explained what Mei had said about what she had heard. He told her about Ken's reaction. He told her.

The misery he felt then, when – for the first time since they started talking – , she blanched, was something he wouldn't have thought possible after the terror he had lived, not even a day ago, when he had to envision, even for only a brief instant, a world without her. The cinder on his tongue as he had to look, to watch her face, like raw glass paper. A vision he'd wish to erase from the rest of his life. One he wished didn't exist.

The anguish, the shame and then, the sudden resignation on her face. The pain in her eyes before she closed her eyes, letting out a whisper of what had been her neutral "Oh" of before.

The vulnerability in her cracking voice cutting him like a rusty, and yet, yet, far too sharp knife.

He wanted to punch, he wanted to howl, he wanted to cry. Suddenly he felt like the worst jackass for even broaching the subject, wished he could go back on time and never question it. Make his friends swear secrecy and ignorance until oblivion.

The agony of seeing her hands shake, of knowing.

Why…

Why, why, why?

Why did she have to live that?

WHY!?

The despair filled him as he saw her hug her sides in comfort, webs of dark memories surrounding her, splintering into the strong confident woman she usually was. Her exterior fissuring with this hit through that hidden precise spot. And he had been the one to inflict the hammering of the hit.

He sees her, then. Shivering up a smile, tilting up her mouth in a grimacing grin that is trying to be light. Luminous and bright, even now, in her pain. But despite how good of an actress she is, he caught the flash of deep emotion before she dissimulated it. And he is being fully honest, she isn't able to appear fully indifferent.

"I'm sorry," She says softly, "I'm afraid I cannot tell you it's a lie, though I did not wish for you to know. Even less like this."

His eyes sting oddly as his hands start to quaker themselves, the torment of seeing how much she is suffering, and yet trying to hide it, bringing that much more sorrow in his heart. Worse is seeing how afraid she is of his response, how preoccupied she still is about him. When it's all about her.

Then, she is in his arms. Her soft shape nested against his chest as he pulls her to stand on her knees. This is too much. Too much. He would do anything to alleviate this. To remove that burden, the pain and wounds from it. To crush and turn to ashes the perpetrator of such… His arms wrap around her back, afraid to put any pressure – as if his subconscious is telling him how fragile she is right now – , yet failing to not crush her against him.

Words fail him, yet something still stumble out of his mouth, as if his body could not help the need to express the desolation the owner of it feels.

"I'm sorry."

Humble useless words, that he knows it too well. He feels so powerless at that instant. To give an appropriate response, the right words. Something. The right comfort. For her. Like she did it so many times for him.

Awful images of what must have been, are on the verge of his mind but he blocks them with the willpower only survivors have, to escape more horrors. Desperately. He cannot let himself succumb to his nightmares, to his rage. He cannot explode, he cannot bury the faceless people his mind is imagining. He cannot think of weapons to punish. He cannot throw everything away to erase from existence the culprit of her own nightmares. He cannot. No matter how much he wants to. He cannot. She needs him.

He tangles his fingers in her soft long locks, as an anchor, a port, wanting, no, needing the reassurance she is not crumbling into void, turning to dust. But also, in staying here, with her, and not the sombre sombre path his feelings of vengeance are trying to make him step on.

Why did she get the sad nightmarish horrors of this world? Why? And it was not a first. With her mum already. Why? Why? When she deserves the fairy tales. When she deserves the magic.

She deserves all the magic.

The same words get out of his mouth. Once. Twice.

He presses her against him, right on his heart, crushing her closer. If only he could hide her. Protect her from all the demons of this world. In the bright magical world she is more than worth. A tear rolls down as his palm hold her head against his shoulder. He would murder those demons. He would kill them right this second if it could help her. Kyoko.

Hands placed on him rub his back soothingly. Several times. And the timbre of her voice let out reassuring words at his intention.

"I'm okay. I'm okay. Don't panic. Don't panic."

She repeats.

Why is she trying to comfort him? Why? How? How?!

He raises his head to look at her. He needs to see her face.

When he looks up, sprinkles of the shame and embarrassment are still there. But the pain is far less than before. And if her face is not serene, it's close to.

"How?"He asks, lost, confused, so lost, caressing her cheeks with hands that still quiver a little. How is this possible? How? He needs to be sure. He cannot let her put a brave front. Not for this. If he can help, he will do all he can.

She smiles bitterly, rubbing his shoulders this time.

"It happened a long time ago."

He presses his palm on her face, wanting to ask the when, yet not daring, not wanting to know. He would give anything for it to have never happened. To replace that part of reality by something else. Something cute, innocent, non-harming. Something she would love.

She is pale when she replies and gives him the answer anyway.

"Five years ago."

He doesn't want to know, doesn't want to force answers out of her, doesn't want to oblige her to relive but his mind starts to work anyway. To ponder, to wonder. Images he refuses to construct are contained at bay. He wants to look away. To burn the mere memory. Yet, his desire to know her, to be there for her, to protect her forbid him to do so. She deserves someone able to listen.

So, he just looks at her. Waiting for her cues. If she wanna talk, they will. If she doesn't, they won't.

She sighs.

"I didn't want you to know."

Did she think he would judge her? But she knew him better than this.

She smiles, apologetic. And he can't believe his eyes. She should be the last to apologize for anything. Don't apologize.

"I was ashamed," She resumed in a murmur and he guesses, looking at him while explaining is too hard for her because she closes her eyes. "I felt too dirtied and powerless. I-… – I blamed myself for a long while. Sometimes – … – I still do."

His reasoning mind can recognize the mechanisms of a victim after an aggression, yet he still fails to understand. How could she be at fault here? How could she ever think this way? Even her being who she is. That's not possible. That cannot be. She doesn't deserve this. What can he do? What can he do?

"So – … – I wanted to hide it. To not let anyone see. And to do – … – to do something about it. To not feel powerless anymore."

He nods. That looks like the kind of thing she would do. As the brave woman she always has been. Finally, for the first time since earlier, he opens his mouth. Since she allowed the discussion, he thinks he can talk.

"You said it was five years ago- …- Was it – … – god, he hates this discussion – "Just after getting to the States"? He asks, careful, hoping his words aren't intrusive.

She shooks her head after a pause that looked like a hesitation before giving him a sad smile.

"Before. And – She breathes deeply and he actually can feel her shudders, sitting on her knees between his own as she is – , "You might actually know when. If you think for a second." She adds and he can taste the bitterness she is feeling on his tongue just by the face she is showing him.

He looks back in confusion, wondering how he could know.

Then, it hits him.

The broken sight of her, ringing his doorbell at three in the morning, years ago. Drenched, bloodied, limping, with bruises all around and lifeless eyes. Her, acting odd and asking to stay, wanting to feel safe. Wanting to stay close to him.

"That night."

That night she had been… She had been. His arms clenched around her. Again. If he hadn't been working that day… If he had asked to see her earlier. The "if" piles up like letters in the mailbox. All too ready to drown him as another feeling swell inside. Far, far deeper. So bottom dark that only her presence at his side prevented to grant the sombre desire of fury rising in him.

If I meet the monsters that – …

She looks away grimly and drops her chin on his shoulder.

"Yes."

"Who?"He whispered oh-so-lightly after a minute of silence. It wouldn't repair what had been done. It would not but – … She laughed awkwardly – as if she had perceived his question wasn't as innocent as it seemed, and she could have, knowing her – , as she replied.

"No, I won't reply that. I don't want to talk about the details, ever. Just know that I got help from Takarada-san at the time."

"Alright."He said in understanding. He had told himself he wouldn't prod. He wouldn't. He wouldn't. That was one of the harder things he had to resolve himself to. As long as that's what she wanted. He repressed the vile tremors now animating his fists by an evil emotion, as she pulled away.

As long as that's what she wanted. But the moment it was different…

She looked at him and he looked at her. She still didn't seem comfortable but it looked like she felt she was able to stare into his eyes without having to turn away now.

She grasped lightly at his hand.

"I can see where your mind is going. Don't even think about it. The perpetrators have been punished. And I have been trying to put it behind me. With rather good success, for the most part."

He stopped in his tracks. He should have known she would say something like that. And sure enough, now that he was getting back from the news, she didn't seem too affected. Considering. And he knew a long time had passed. And she was strong, so it was entirely possible, she was telling the truth. Yet, he knew her too well. So he knew if she didn't want to talk about something, or wanted to hide a heavier part of her life, she would succeed in appearing nonchalant, most of the time. And her reaction when she learned he knew proved she isn't fully unaffected. Doesn't mean she is lying to him. Not fully. Because it goes both sides. So, he knows how brave and strong she is. So, she could have truly recovered. But whether it is only a part of it and there is a big chunk she doesn't want to talk about or it became only a tiny shard in her flank, in both cases, he wouldn't know.

He is looking at her and more than anything he'd like to help, to be sure she is okay. But unless, she is really willing to tell him what happened, her feelings; he will never know. He will never understand what she went through.

He had felt sadness in the past, for himself, for losing a friend. But never before had he felt so sad and enraged for something a friend lived.

The only comfort he could find was in her words. And while only part of it was true, he could also feel the genuineness when she said she had put it behind her. The blurry zone is in the "mostly", he guessed. He could only hope. Yet, looking at her. Into her eyes, he can see it. The light is still here. Her light. What happened didn't kill it. On the contrary, he would even say. He feels stupid, all of sudden. He knows it had happened years ago but for him, learning it like that, it's like it had happened yesterday. He pushes some of her locks away as he tries to compose himself. She grabs his hand, smiling. It's not like he has a choice. He will have to trust her. Until, and if she is ever willing to open up about this.

Something about the way she said her last phrase comes back to him then, as the tension he felt finished to leave him. Only remains the sadness.

"Correct me if I'm wrong or stop me if you don't want to talk about it either," He started back, accepting her words but having a hard time calming himself fully, he still needed the distraction, "but you left for the States not so long after, right"?

He stopped, not wanting to pronounce it. Wondering if his guts feeling was right or if he was just imagining things. And not knowing what she was comfortable with.

She nodded, and seeing she seemed okay, he resumed.

"Does that mean that – …"

Again, he stopped. He just didn't know how to broach things out, and feared rubbing salt in her old wound.

But she had understood where he was going with his question, it seemed, because she nodded once more.

"Yes, that's part of the reasons I left. I needed the distance and a fresh start away from – … – everything."

He didn't say anything but a nod. But that part, he understood. He still knew so little, yet so many more things made sense. And needing a fresh start, that he could get. She had told him this, before leaving. But now, he understood the impact. Why it had felt like she was carrying something really heavy just before boarding. Even some of the changes from when she came back made more sense. Like the fighting. Though, he could be wrong, and he certainly didn't want to input every drop of her efforts to this event. Certainly not.

His throat locked again as he looked at her.

She was smiling. Awkwardly so. But smiling.

She grabbed his face.

"That's one of the reasons I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to pity me or – she shrugged lightly – the way you looked at me to change."She said softly.

"I'm not. I promise."He swore – concerned more than ever before she would misunderstand, it was crucial she wouldn't, he could forgive himself if he hurt her with his own reaction to the news – , and he couldn't help rubbing his cheek on her palm. "I'm just – … sad. Very sad. Furious. Horrified. And I wished I had been there to help you. In any way you would have let me." He told her. "But there is no way my vision of you would have been affected. To be honest, I don't even get what you meant by that."

She smiled back at him, kindly, with indulgence maybe, and for some reason she looked both happy, yet sad.

"I wasn't willing to talk about it, you couldn't have known."She told him with a grin like it was obvious. But to him, he should have understood. He should have got it. He should have done something. Been more present. Anything.

How could she still smile so brightly? No, that was wrong. He knew how. She was just that strong. Had been that strong. Had always been that strong. Even when the most intolerable events had been there to slap her in the face and tear her down. She would only rise and rise.

As long as that shine was in her eyes, that honest smile on her face; he guessed he could be sure, to a certain degree, she would be okay. He could do anything to help keep this blinding light in her eyes.

His thumb grazed her cheek, brushing ever-so-gingerly.

"Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?"He inquired. Pleaded. Demanded. To let him help, in whatever way she would be willing. "Even if I'm years late."

Then,

That smile. Not her usual bright one.

But the look she gave him in some occasional rare instances. Eyes so tender it was making his body lose basic functions each time, as his heart squeezes in odd twisting aches. And linger between beats.

He is lost in her again.

"You just did." She softly said. "But if you really wanna help, I will take a hug, and you need to stop looking so sad."

She is the one bringing him in her arms this time, and gripping at his shoulders in a tight clutch. He suspected she wanted to avoid looking into his face while talking about this longer, and he understood, and he let her. And despite how powerless and livid and insane he is feeling, for her, a chuckle escaped. He could have rationalized this by considering it must have been the pressure searching for a crack to infiltrate itself out, but really, it had just been he couldn't help noticing. Once more. When he had felt his shoulders letting out a little noise at the quashing but delightful hold he was getting from her. Sometimes, he couldn't help forgetting her strength. He knew it would never emulate the higher scope of men's strength but it was already pretty incredible. Yet, he kept forgetting. And he knew it was bad, because he could smell the old conceptions of what women and men usual physical strengths were, rearing their ugly faces.

Yet, feeling that cute bear crush on himself, he couldn't help it. He laughed. And laughed again as he gave back the hug.

"Care to enlighten me why you are laughing so much?"She asked as she released him, and he pulled out a teasing smirk, adroitly hiding his desire of the hug lasting longer. Her rare sign of affections – when there was some – were too short. Always too short. Not that it was abnormal. They were friends. Only friends.

"I heard my bones cracking," He replied, pointing backwards with his thumb and mimicking stretching his back and shoulders like they were sore.

She was quick to look worried, then bashful as she mumbled an apology, and messed her hair in that tantalizing wave of golden locks again. God did he love when she did that. And God did he hate it.

He laughed more, however. Her remorseful expression was just too hilarious. It made him realize he had just gone through the whole kaleidoscope of emotions, and he laughed even more.

That's when she noticed he was mocking her, and she smacked his arm twice. "I thought I had hurt you for real."

"Ow, ow. It hurts."

She snorted with a light huff.

"That's what he says as he holds his sides and has tears of joy streaming down his face."

"I don't have tears."He contested between laughs.

"But you are holding your sides with cackles." She launched back with fumes and narrowing eyes plotting something boring a hole at him.

"It's your fault, you know, you took such a pitiful face just now."

"It's not my fault."

"It is."He said again, and despite his best efforts, her face reappeared in his mind, throwing him back for another round.

"Come here," She suddenly said with a devilish grin but the eyes joyful, "Let's see if I can make those bones seriously crack."

He backed away between bouts of laughs, keeping her at bay by grabbing her arms with his long ones, and forming a lock hold with his thighs around her waist.

She struggled a little but he had a solid grip, and she gave up with a forced grumbled sigh.

"No luck?" He asked, maintaining a mask of seriousness as much as he could, though his lips twitched when he saw her fingers curl like claws.

"Are you going to hiss at me again?"

She showed him a scandalized and embarrassed face, and ignored him as she replied. He guessed she wasn't happy he mentioned what happened weeks ago on set. But it had been so cute, he had wanted to see it again.

"Damn those gigantic limbs of yours."

He just grinned.

"Free yourself." He told her. "I know you could, if you really wanted to."

Pinching lips and curling her nose, she humphed to the side.

"Too tired. Don't want to."

Was it bad of him to imagine she could have been enjoying being close to him? Probably.

But he indulged himself as they bantered some more that afternoon, wanting to savour those moments with her as much as he could and instil as much joy and distraction he could for her.

§§§

End of chapter.

PS: There, you have it. New chapter. God, this chapter was hard. I wanted to be efficient but lord, every single one of those scenes were hard emotional scenes, and then it refused to end because Ren and Kyoko wanted to fool around. I nearly trepassed with the emotion. So, yes, this one is pretty emotional. I hope you will still enjoy it. Because i tried my best to represent both the aftermath of this, the impact on her knowing Ren knows but also that time has passed and that she is still mostly over it.

I hope you will love it. I know, tension was high. But finally, we are going further into merrier lands.

I hope so, at least.

Kisses to everyone. Wish you all the best in life, in dreams, in love.

Mimagfan.

AUTHOR OUT.