Meg didn't have many dresses that she liked. Most of her skirts had several inches of material added to the hem to accommodate her height and the fabrics of her bodices had become rough and stiff with washings. But her best dress was different. It was made entirely from a deep, wine-red material that she was told didn't go well with her colouring. But Meg liked it.

She didn't often have reason to wear it, and made a point of not wearing it too much so it didn't get worn out. She had been wearing it the first time she met Winden.

Meg tied her hair back in a way she hoped was comely and went to bid goodbye to her parents. Jonson and Rob had already left, the former because he was playing the drum with the other lads and the latter to meet his young lady so they could arrive at the Dragon together. Meg disapproved, but that wasn't a conversation she was prepared to have with him. Maizey had refused to go and it seemed likely that Clover would take the same attitude, although she hadn't said so. They hadn't spoken properly since Meg had agreed to go to Nickon's birthday, but a few days ago Meg had seen Clover and Primrose talking in hushed voices at a crossroads.

"It'd hurt, most are abed for a day or two after. I wouldn't recommend it unless there wasn't any other way to go," Primrose had said and lowered her voice further. "You're not…?"

"No," Clover had said quickly. "Definitely not. It's for a friend."

They had grown quiet when Meg approached. She had asked if everything was all right and they had assured her all was well.

Regardless, Meg would be going to see Nickon at the Green Dragon alone.

She stopped by the kitchen when she saw who was inside. Jack was sat alone at the table, slouched forward with a distinctly irritated expression on his face.

She hesitated in the doorway, reluctant to leave her little brother on his own.

"You sure you won't come, lad?" she said.

"No."

Meg went and sat next to him. "Nick was asking after you. He's worried."

"Don't care."

"I reckon you might care a little."

Jack huffed and turned his head so that he was scowling into space.

She reached out to touch his arm. "You want me to fetch one of the others?"

"No."

"All right." She squeezed his shoulder. "Have a nice evening."

She was at the door when he said, "You shouldn't be going."

Meg sighed. Her mother had also been angry with her for agreeing to go, and Maizey had called her a fool. Everyone was always telling her what she shouldn't be doing, like they knew what she wanted. "That's not really up to you, lad," she said.

"Please, Meg," he said and Meg was surprised with how pleading his voice was. It was so rare for Jack to show any vulnerability. "Just stay at home tonight."

Meg wavered for a moment in the face of Jack's desperation, but she couldn't forget why she wanted – needed – to go. "Why don't you want me to go?" she said, despite knowing full well.

A pained look crossed Jack's face. "He's not for you, Meg. Go to the Dragon on another day and meet a different lad."

"I'm all ready to go out now," Meg said with all the levity she could muster. "It'd be a waste not to go now."

"If you do go it'll be a waste of your time."

"My time's not worth much," Meg said. She was anxious to get going and it was obvious she wouldn't be able to make him understand. "Unless you have a change of heart I'll see you in the morning." She turned away to get her cloak from the coat stand. "Goodnight, Jack."

Clover only spared herself a brief glance in the mirror before leaving. She didn't see the point in dressing up nicely for the birthday of someone she only cared about tenuously. Her old work clothes would do nicely, but she had let her hair loose. She felt that was sufficient.

As she was leaving she found herself face to waistcoat with Dalgo Grubb, who was just coming back in. He didn't know she was there and ended up knocking into her as he entered the smial.

"I'm sorry, Miss Delver. I didn't see you," he said when he'd realised what had happened.

"It's all right, sir. You're not the first," she said, standing aside to let him pass once she'd collected herself.

He was flustered and didn't say anything as he disappeared into his study.

It occurred to Clover that he probably hadn't seen her with her hair loose before and it was all she could do not to start laughing right there in the doorway. The gentry could be very strange sometimes.

Tiger Lily had picked out her plainest dress and let her hair loose in an attempt to look sufficiently unlike herself. It had worked quite well. As she examined herself in her mirror she considered how in her usual dresses she looked like one of her ceramic dolls: crisp; clean and new. This Tiger Lily was none of those. The various changes her body had undergone over the last ten years or so had happened almost without her noticing. Except her monthly courses. Those had been a shock.

She went out through the window. As she walked to the appointed meeting place the wind ran its fingers through her hair. She and Rob met beneath the oak tree like two lovers in one of Sango's love stories, and walked to the inn hand in hand.

"You won't leave me alone while you talk to your friends, will you?" she said.

"I'll try not to. If I did you could find me yourself."

"I could. Sorry, I'm just nervous." She instinctively held his hand tighter.

"Of what?"

"People. Lots of people. Most of them I won't know."

"You din't have to come."

"I wanted to. That's what real sweethearts do, don't they? Go to parties together."

"Is that what makes a real couple in your mind? Going to parties together?

She laughed. "It's as good a definition as any. Why, what's yours?"

"Don't think I have one."

"Then you can't say mine is wrong."

As they continued chatter fell freely from Tiger Lily's mouth in the way that was so difficult when she was in other company.

When Meg arrived at the Dragon she picked Nickon out of the crowd and approached him with her brightest smile on. He seemed surprised when she greeted him with a hug. "Happy birthday, Nick. You look well for it."

He smiled uncertainly. "Thank'ee. You look… uh… nice. Here, let me get you a drink."

He bought her a half but was whisked away by some of his friends before Meg could say anything else. Then he had started talking to Winden and the whole thing had become too embarrassing. So Meg stood at the side of the room, feeling huffy, watching Nick and waiting for another opportunity to speak to him.

"Having fun?" a dry voice from below her shoulder said.

Meg didn't need to turn to see who it was. "Aye. Come to lecture me?"

"Assuming the worst?" Clover said. "That's not like you."

"Just based on previous experience. I might be stupid but I can learn." She looked around and glanced at Clover's plain clothes. "Din't make much of an effort, did you?" she said, out of surprise rather than ridicule.

"I din't think it was worth it. Did you borrow the lip paint from Lavender?"

Meg looked away and pursed her reddened lips, embarrassed. "Tansy Atterton."

"Ah."

"You needn't judge me."

"I'm not judging you."

Meg went back to watching Nick.

Clover must have picked up on this because she said, "You could go up to him yourself if you're sick of waiting."

"I already have," Meg said. "It's not good to look too keen."

"No." Clover sighed and folded her arms. It looked as though she had been building up to this. "Look, I'm sorry if I've been too harsh. You know you can talk to me about aught that's bothering you."

Meg didn't like how Clover was looking at her; worry that was uncharacteristic for the eldest of her little sisters.

"I'm fine."

"Good."

They stood side by side, not saying anything or looking at each other. Though neither of them could say it, they both knew Meg was lying.

It wasn't as bad as Tiger Lily had expected. After she'd adjusted to the level of noise and number of people she'd been able to enter a state of calm, which was where she had stayed for the last couple of hours. Rob had been able to buy them some halves himself, thanks to the money he'd made selling game to the butcher.

At the moment he was outside attending the call of nature and Tiger Lily was able to sit comfortably in a corner, completely inconspicuous. She was anonymous here. Dancers whirled around the room in pairs while everyone else chatted over their mugs. While she waited she was listening to the frantic music. The revellers were singing and beating their tankards on tables to the rhythm. She had never been further away from the drawing room. It was golden.

.

And so Miss Lily Lightfoot,

She went down to the fair,

With blooms of red and yellow,

All done up in her hair.

And when she turned about her,

What was it she did find,

But Timmy, Tommy, Jimmy and Jonny,

Following on behind.

.

Then said that pretty maiden,

'What am I to thee,

That you've walked through wood and over hill,

Just to follow me?'

Said they to Miss Lightfoot,

'We've got us in a bind—'

.

"It's been a little while since I've seen you."

Tiger Lily started at the sound of Lavender Hobble's voice. "Oh, hello," she said, doing her best to return Lavender's cheery grin. They hadn't seen each other since the Boffins' farewell party. "How are you?"

"Well enough, miss. This party's more my sort of thing. Better drink and not so many posh folk with their heads stuck up their own behinds."

Knowing that her family were probably included in that statement, Tiger Lily hummed her agreement, not knowing what else to say.

"You on your own?" Lavender said, taking a draw from the mug in her hand.

"No, I'm here with…" She trailed off when she realised what she was doing, but now Lavender was looking at her expectantly. "Rob," she finished lamely.

"Rob Delver?" she said. "You stepping out together?"

"Uh… Yes."

"Aw, bless. He's a sweet lad; a bit quiet. How long?"

"A couple of months. Um…" Tiger Lily's fingers trembled as she fidgeted. "Sango isn't with you, is he?"

"Nah. I'm only here to annoy him." She nodded at Nick. "Why'd you look so frightened?"

Tiger Lily released a breath as relief washed over her. "It's not anything important. It's only that I haven't told him Rob and I are courting. I'd prefer to tell him privately."

Lavender frowned. "Why han't you done it yet? I thought you two was thick as anything."

"He told me courting Rob would be silly, that's all."

"So you're scared of telling 'im?"

"No," she said quickly. "Not scared, just… sort of…" She sighed. She wasn't sure there was a word for what she was feeling. "I don't want him to worry."

Lavender's expression was serious. Her eyebrows were drawn together and her plump red lips were set in a frown. "Right."

Rob had re-entered the inn now and was edging between the other patrons towards them. Tiger Lily quickly turned to Lavender. "You won't tell him will you?"

"Why would I do that? It's not my business. Evening, Rob."

"Lavender," he said, nodding and touching Tiger Lily lightly on the shoulder.

"We was just having a little gossip about lads and things," Lavender said, grinning. "I've been hearing lots about you."

Rob laughed nervously as he sat down. "You to join us?"

"No. Don't panic, I wouldn't want to get in the way. Nice you see you again, miss."

"Din't know you was friends with Miss Hobble," Rob said when she had gone.

"I enjoy her company."

"Aye." Rob's face and ears were flushed.

Tiger Lily cooed and brushed his cheek with a finger. "You're embarrassed."

"I'm not," he said, snickering and twitching his face away.

"You needn't be. I didn't actually say anything about you, she was just teasing." Tiger Lily folded her hands on the table again. "Your secrets are safe from Miss Hobble."

Rob looked at her silently for a moment, the corner of his mouth pulled ever so slightly into a smile. "You enjoying yourself?" he said.

Tiger Lily smiled tentatively and tucked a curl behind her ear. "Yes, thank you. Are you?"

"Aye."

The music stopped. The dancers dissipated in laughing pairs and there were shouts for which song should be played next.

"You fancy a turn?" Rob said.

"No, I'm a terrible dancer."

"I din't say I was any good."

"All the more reason not to, then."

Rob drew his chair closer to her and smiled nervously as he put his large, rough hands over hers. "I was actually wondering if you wanted us to head off somewhere. Just us two." He lowered his voice as he continued, "A barn or… something?"

His eyes were questioning, and she sensed there was more to this suggestion than she could decipher. But it seemed to be important to him, so she smiled. "All right."

Rob broke into a grin. "Come on then." He took her hand and led her to the door, where they slipped out unnoticed.

Meg relentlessly scratched her nails against the table. She had completely lost track of Clover and Lavender and now she was sat on her own. She was vaguely aware of a quarrel happening among the musicians, but was too preoccupied with watching Nickon to pay attention. Why was he ignoring her? He had wanted her to come. Now it was as though he'd forgotten she existed.

She was only snapped out of it when someone put a violin on her table with a clunk. She followed the arm of the violinist until she came to look upon his face. He was a red-haired lad, his face pale and unusually thin for a Hobbit. She thought she recognised him as working in a shop.

"Would you, uh, would you like to dance?" he said, wiping his trembling hands on his breeches.

She turned back to Nick, who wasn't even looking in her direction. So far she hadn't danced at all, just in case Nick decided to ask her himself and found that she was already partnered with someone. But it was looking increasingly unlikely that that would happen. But should she risk it?

"Yes," she said.

She smiled at the lad as she stood and led him to the dance formation, where they became the bottom couple. Why shouldn't she dance with someone else? It would show that she was a fun, playful sort of person. The sort of person it would be fun to court. Maybe it would even make Nickon jealous and jolt him into realising he wanted her.

The music began, sans the fiddle.

"How've you found this evening?" the red-haired lad said.

"Good enough. It's nice to get out when this autumn's been so dreary. You?" Meg didn't really listen to his answer as her feet followed the dance of their own accord, remembering the steps from so many parties and festivals past.

The many turns in the dance made it difficult to keep track of Nick. When she did manage to glimpse him he didn't seem to be looking her way. She realised her partner was asking her a question and she had to turn back to him.

"Sorry what was that?"

"I was asking how your family are managing," he said, struggling to make himself heard over the music.

"As well as anyone else, I reckon."

By this time they had become the top couple and had to part in order to re-join as the bottom couple again. The inn was so full that Meg found herself having to weave around the other patrons. She walked on the balls of her feet to try and better see Nick. The music was just a confused blur in the back of her head. She was pulled out of this by a clatter followed by a whooping cheer from the other party goers. Meg turned to see that her partner had tripped and was lying next to an overturned stool.

With one final glance at Nickon she made her way around the dance over to the red-haired lad.

"You all right?" she said, helping him to his feet.

"Uh… I think so…" He put a hand to his brow and brought it away with a smear of blood on his fingers.

"Oh dear…" she murmured, leading him over to a vacant table.

She got out her handkerchief and dabbed at the graze on his forehead, hoping frantically that Nick was watching so he would see what a nice, caring person she was.

Something had captured Nick's attention and he was moving through the crowd with a purpose. She realised he was going to the door and turned just in time to see it close. Whoever had been there was already gone. Nick was out of the door just as fast.

"What's happened?" Clover said, coming over.

"Uh… lad's got a bit of a scratch, that's all," Meg said, staring at the door. "Could you hold this a while? I just need too…"

As soon as Clover had pressed the handkerchief to the cut Meg was away, out into the night.

Jack hadn't meant to go. But sat in the smial he'd felt like he was in an oven where the fire kept getting hotter and seconds passed like hours. Eventually he hadn't been able to stand it anymore and had trekked out to the Green Dragon alone with only his jacket and scarf to protect him from the bitter air. Then he'd actually reached the Dragon. His eyes had quickly found Nick, and Nick's had found his. In that moment he'd realised it had been a bad idea, so he'd run away. Knowing Nick would follow him he tried to dart around the back of the inn, but he was too slow and hadn't turned the corner by the time Nick called his name. Jack groaned and pulled his jacket closer about him as he heard Nick's footsteps coming up behind him.

"Hey, lad," he said. "Din't think you was coming."

"I wasn't going to."

"Oh. Why'd you change your mind?"

Jack didn't say anything.

"Why don't you come in? I owe you a half."

"I'm on my way."

"All right." There was a pause. "Listen, I'm sorry about—"

"Don't!"

"I just wanted to say sorry."

Jack had been expecting Nick to step into his eye line, but he didn't. Jack slowly turned around, feeling it was inevitable.

Nick sighed, the steam of his breath getting spirited away by the wind. "How've you been?"

"Fine."

Nickon put a hand into his waistcoat pocket and brought out a package. "Here. It's my present for you."

Curious, Jack took the package and peeled back the brown wrapping paper. He glanced back up at Nick. "Where'd you get this leaf from?"

"Been saving it. Thought I might as well give it to you."

Jack hadn't smoked in months and it took all his self-control to push the package back into Nick's hand. "I don't want it."

"All right."

Feeling he should say something more, Jack added, "Good birthday?"

"Nice enough. I thought it'd be a bit drab, but it seems like everyone just wanted to forget about the Big Folk for a bit." He breathed into his cupped ands and rubbed them together. "Am I in my late-thirties yet, or am I still in my mid-thirties?"

"Does it matter?"

"I reckon it does. I'm worried my dad'll start asking me about when I'm getting wed."

"What've you told 'im?"

"Nothing yet, he's not been asking. But he sometimes mentions about the business an' passing it on to my children. It was my great-great-granddad what came here from Hobbiton an' I'm Dad's only son. All those years of the family business an' it all comes down to me. If I don't have little'uns, it's all over. Sometimes I wonder if it'd be easier to just get on with it."

"What? Marry Meg?"

"Not Meg."

"Then who?"

"I han't really thought that far," Nick said.

"You never do."

"'Cus you always think afore you act!" Nick said. Jack turned away in distaste and Nick sighed. "I know I'm an ass. But I'm trying to make things better. I've done my best, Jack."

"You still shouldn't've done it."

"I know." Nick leaned against the wall of the inn, hands in his pockets. "Why're you so scared, Jack?"

"I'm not."

"You're all hunched up."

Jack realised his shoulders were tense and he did his best to relax them.

"Do you know what I reckon?" Nick said. "I reckon you're so prickly because you're scared of what'll happen if you let anyone get too close to you."

Jack sniffed and nuzzled into his scarf. "Don't be stupid."

"See, that's what I mean. It's not usual."

"There's nothing wrong with me."

"Never said that. Never thought that."

Jack folded his arms tighter. "It's just… What's the point of it? Why make yourself weak to someone? What do you get back?"

"You won't know unless you try, lad," Nick said. He touched Jack tenderly on the shoulder. "I'm glad you came, even if it wasn't for long."

Jack watched as he started to walk away. Damn. "Wait."

Nick stopped. Jack took soft steps towards him. He placed his hands on Nick's shoulders and, after looking him squarely in the eyes, kissed him. When he drew back Nick was blinking at him in surprise.

"It was all right," Jack said finally.

"Right… You coming in then, or…?"

"No." Jack patted Nick on the shoulder before brushing past him. "But I might see you in the week."

Clover knew something was wrong when Nick came back into the Dragon without Meg. She looked at the red-haired lad who was still sat with Meg's handkerchief pressed over his forehead. "Will you live?"

He drew the handkerchief away to check the bleeding. "I think so."

"Good." Clover rose to go and started to make her way towards Nick.

"The handkerchief—" the red-haired lad said.

"Keep it." Clover managed to grab Nick by the shoulder as he walked past. "Did Meg go home?"

He frowned at her. "Don't know. Han't seen her since she arrived."

Clover rushed to the door. A million scenarios of what could be wrong flickered through her head, most of them involving the Men. It was dark and there was no sign of Meg in front of the inn. There was only one person on the road and it was clearly an old gaffer. Clover walked around the side of the building but there was nothing. The only movement was the icy wind stirring the branches of the trees. She turned a corner that brought her to the back of the inn. Meg was there, leaning heavily over the fence.

"Meg?" Clover said.

"It was Jack," she murmured. "It was never me he wanted. It was always Jack."

Clover inhaled through her teeth. "Ah. You din't know about Jack, then?"

"No, I didn't bloody know," Meg snapped. "An' I suppose you did?"

"I thought that might be how they leaned."

"You knew and din't tell me?"

"It's not my business!"

Meg pressed her palms to her eyes and let out a frustrated shriek.

"I think," Clover said as gently as she could, "that you was still upset about everything that happened with Winden when you started going after Nick. Mayhap if you just give yourself some time—"

"I don't need any time!" Meg was angrier than Clover had ever seen her. "You think you're so bloody clever don't you? I'm always just the fool to you. Well I'm sorry, Miss High-and-Mighty. I'm sorry you're stuck with the likes of us, who don't understand any of the marvellous things what go on in your head."

"I'm not—"

"Sometimes," Meg said, "sometimes it's like you've confused being stupid with being kind. Like if you say a nice word or do a good turn it means you're giving in to the idiots. Why can't you just be kind?"

"Why are you angry with me?" Clover said. "It was Winden that left you with child."

Meg froze. She stopped leaning against the fence as her posture stiffened. She was trying to put away the anger that had been plain on her face a few moments before, but couldn't quite manage it. "I don't know what you mean."

Clover scoffed. "Don't give me that. Look, I'm not passing judgement on you." She hesitated. "Actually, I am. What are you thinking of, going through all this and not telling anyone? I don't know what you took to try and get rid of it, but you could've died, Meg. Why din't you go to Mum an' Dad for help? How could you think any good would come from hiding it?"

It happened slowly and then all at once. Meg's mouth twitched and then her entire expression crumbled. She screwed her eyes shut and covered her mouth with her hand. "I was so scared," she said. Her breathing suddenly became deep and gasping.

"It's all right," Clover said, immediately regretting her harsh words. She guided Meg away from the fence and eased her down so she was sat on the ground with her back against the wall of the inn. "Ignore what I said, it didn't mean aught. Why don't we just sit down here a bit?"

By now Meg had dissolved into shuddering sobs, though there was no trace of tears on her face. "I didn't mean to tell you," she said between breaths. "I'm sorry— I'm sorry—"

"You've done nothing wrong," Clover said. "I shouldn't've spoken like that. It's none of my business."

They stayed silent for some time, until Meg's breathing slowed to its normal rhythm.

"I told Winden the night of the festival, after Mum an' Dad had taken the little'uns home," Meg said, but her voice sounded vague and far away. "I'd only been sure a few days. I thought… I thought he'd be pleased too. But he got upset, he said he weren't ready for it. I asked him what difference it made, we was getting wed anyway. He'd promised…"

She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"He said, 'You can't expect me to remember every little thing I say, Meg.' We argued a bit. Then he walked away. And all I wanted was to go with him." She stared into the distance with glassy eyes. "I went to see him the next night in case he'd changed his mind. He gave me three shillings."

Clover hunched forward and covered her face with her hands. "By Elbereth, Meg…" She inhaled deeply and tried to compose herself as best she could. "How far along are you?"

Meg shook her head. "The herbs worked. I was six weeks then."

Clover leaned against the wall as the relief of this news overcame her. She'd assumed the herbs hadn't worked and Meg had been pursuing Nick in the hope he would marry her out of kindness. The knowledge that one of Meg's plans had gone the way she wanted was something, even if it wasn't her first plan.

"I've brought shame on the family," Meg murmured.

"You din't do anything wrong," Clover said firmly, massaging her knuckles. "When I next see Winden Hale I'll wring his little neck."

"You mustn't blame him."

"Why not?" Clover said. "He hurt you." She was surprised to find that her own voice was wavering on the verge of weeping.

"If he weren't ready he weren't ready. Better he told me so than to pretend otherwise."

"Why din't you tell anyone, Meg?" Clover said.

"What could they've done?"

Clover shook her head desperately, floundering for solid solutions. "Dad could've had a word with Winden's parents. Or him an' Mum could've passed the little'un off as one of theirs." She swallowed. "Mum could've held your hand while the herbs did their work…"

Meg whimpered and looked away. "They can't be worrying about me on top of the money problems and everything. That's what you do when you're in a family, you put yourself last." Meg paused. A puff of steam emanated from her mouth. "Who's the first you remember?"

"What?"

"The first baby you remember being born. Properly."

It took Clover some time to reply. She was too weary for this. "Hender."

Meg smiled weakly. "Rob's the first I remember. Mum an' Dad woke us all in the middle of the night and took us to Grandma and Grandad's. I din't know why. I just wanted to go home to see Mum again. When we got back Dad looked odd, sort of smug. He had a bundle in his arms. He said it was his birthday present for us, it had arrived last night. Then he knelt down for us to see and it was a new baby." She sniffed. "I always, a little bit, wanted to be with child when I was wed."

Clover had always known how eager her sister was to marry and start a family, but this seemed incomprehensible, even for Meg. "Why?" she said exasperatedly.

"Because it's all sorted out then. I'd be a wife; a mum. Everything I've ever wanted."

"Then why'd you go after Nick Hobble?" Clover said, feeling her frustrations rise again. "You must've known he wasn't good for any of that. Heaven knows you were told enough times."

"I don't know!" Meg said, covering her face with her hands. "He was there! He was interested! Or he seemed interested… at first…" She sighed. "Everyone's growing up. You've gone off on your own, and Jonson'll be of age next year. What happens to me when there aren't any of you left for me to look after? What'll be the use of me then, if I'm not a wife or mother?"

"You'll find a use," Clover said steadily. "A bad thing happened to you. I think mayhap you need to come through that properly afore you start worrying about what's to come."

Meg didn't say anything and Clover didn't push her to. She waited until her hands had gone numb before getting herself and Meg to their feet. They walked back to the Delver's smial together, Clover too worried about Meg's state to allow her to make the walk alone. When they arrived Jack was just taking off his scarf and coat.

"You been out?" Clover said.

"Just a little walk. What're you…"

He was interrupted when Meg pulled him into a tight hug.

"What's this for?" he said, tensing his shoulders.

"Nothing," Meg said, releasing him. "I'm just soft, that's all."

She disappeared into the lasses' room. Jack cast a confused look at Clover. "What's wrong with her?"

Clover shook her head. "She'll tell you if she's a mind to."

She didn't stay, but immediately began the walk back to the Grubbs' smial, alone but for her own thoughts.

Rob put his head around the door of the barn. Apparently satisfied by what he saw, he turned back and beckoned Tiger Lily to follow him in. She had wondered if there was something different about this barn. Rob seemed so keen on coming here, but she still wasn't sure why. She followed him up the ladder to the hayloft and was surprised to find it was the same as any other. It was almost identical to the one on Boffin's Farm, where she used to play with Sango.

Rob helped her off the ladder. "You still all right with this?" he said.

Tiger Lily wasn't sure why she wouldn't be, so simply replied, "Yes."

He dug in his pocket and brought out an odd, stringy object, which he hung around her neck. It was like an odd sort of necklace: a tatty string attached to a leather pouch, sewn shut.

Then Rob kissed her and she forgot her confusion for the moment. This she understood.

He led her to a pile of hay where they sat down together. He started to kiss her again, leaning over her so she was reclined back on the hay. One of his hands cupped her face while the other was on her waist. It took her a while to realise the one on her waist was moving, slowly pushing her skirt up until he was able to reach underneath and touch her thigh.

Oh. So that's what this was.

In a panic she drew her lips away from Rob's. The hand stopped and he looked down at her, obviously confused.

She swallowed, fearing his reaction. "Um… could we not?"

The confusion remained, but there was no anger there. "Aye," he said softly. The hands were removed and he lay beside her on the hay.

They lay in silence for a time. Tiger Lily's heart was beating very quickly and she had to take several long breaths before she could speak. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to lead you on but I didn't know this was what you wanted."

Rob's eyes widened and he started away from her. "Shit. Sorry…" He sat up. "Sorry," he said again.

Tiger Lily remained perfectly still. He was facing away from her now, hunched over with his hands over his face.

"Do you not like me anymore?" she said.

His muscles tensed. He looked over his shoulder at her and there was a flicker of anger in his eyes. "You think that little of me?"

"No." She sat up, and scooted forward to sit beside him. "I think that little of me."

The anger disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. "Lil…" He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. "I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that."

"Sorry. I didn't want you to think I thought ill of you and it just slipped out," she said. "It's just I don't know why you'd still like me when I can't please you."

"It's not meant to just please me, is it?" Rob said, rubbing his thumb up and down her shoulder.

Tiger Lily whimpered and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. The truth was she didn't know. "I don't want to be a hussy," she said.

One of his eyebrows twitched upward. "Am I a rake, then?"

"Don't be silly."

"I should've checked you knew what I had in mind," he said softly. "I'm sorry I din't. You're not too shaken, are you?"

"No." She removed the leather pouch from around her neck. "What's this?"

"Got it from the pellar. It's meant to stop accidents." He must have realised she didn't understand because he added, "Little'uns. You want to keep it, or…?"

Tiger Lily looked at the pouch. If her mother ever found it in her possession she would have to answer some very awkward questions. "No, thank you…" she said, pushing it back into his hand. "What's it made of?"

"Don't think you'd like it if I told you," Rob said as he put it back in his pocket. "D'you want to go somewhere else or…?"

"I think I'll go home. It's getting late."

They climbed back down and left the barn in awkward silence. The outside air cooled Tiger Lily's skin, flushed with embarrassment.

"You want I should walk you?" Rob said.

"I'm not frightened of the Men," she said. "But you can walk with me if you like."

They fell into step with each other. Rob ran a hand through his hair.

"Can I see you again tomorrow? Or the day after?"

"The day after. I'm helping Mother decorate for Yule tomorrow."

He let his fingers tangle with hers, like he was asking for permission to take her hand. Tiger Lily interlaced their fingers properly and squeezed his hand as a reassurance. Whatever else happened, he needed to know she cared for him.

Clover went straight to her bedroom, not paying attention to whether any of the lights were on in the Grubbs' chambers. She shut the door behind her, covered her face firmly with her pillow and screamed.

Life wasn't fair.

This was something Clover had known for a long time, but tonight it seemed to be written across her mind in furious letters, as much a part of the world as the earth and sky.

Bad things happened to good people and it wasn't fair.

Meg was lots of things: stubborn; small-minded; bossy… But she believed, fundamentally, that people were good. And she had been duped and hurt and even then she refused to think badly of the person who'd wronged her.

Clover was jolted out of her thoughts by a quite knock on the door. "Miss Delver? Are you quite well?" Dalgo's voice said from the other side.

Groaning internally, she wiped the tears from her eyes. She went to open the door and hoped Dalgo wouldn't be able to see the state she was in. "Well enough, sir, thank you."

"I apologise for the intrusion, but it sounded as though you were in some distress."

His stance was nervous and he was unwilling to meet her eye. It occurred to Clover that this was the one room in his home he never went in, though it was only separated from his own bedroom by a wall. This was what Dalgo Grubb looked like when he was out of his domain.

He was wearing a dressing gown over his nightshirt but his spectacles were still balanced on his nose. He'd been reading.

"It's a private matter, sir. I shan't bore you." Clover swallowed. She wanted to keep it all in, but she also felt like she'd explode if she didn't say anything. "What's the point in being kind?"

Dalgo looked understandably startled by this. "I'm sorry?"

"You can't rely on people. It don't matter how kind you are to them, they'll use you and throw you aside like you're nothing. People always tell you to be kind but it don't seem to make any difference in the end."

"I have heard it said," Dalgo said slowly, "that kindness is its own reward."

"But I can't feel it," Clover said desperately. "You must've read something that explains it all because I'm not good enough to know on my own."

"I wish I could help, but it would be the blind leading the blind I'm afraid," Dalgo said. "Maybe you're better than you think."

Clover leaned against the doorway, feeling drained. "I'm not good," she said.

Dalgo looked thoughtful for a moment before disappearing into the parlour. He came out again a moment later. "Here," he said, proffering a slim volume and a piece of paper.

She took them uncertainly, thinking he might change his mind and withdraw them at any moment.

"It's your reference. Longo Boffin seemed to think you were a good sort. The book is just a few short stories. I find reading helps me get to sleep if I have a lot going on in my head."

"Thank you, sir," she said, looking down at them in a daze.

He nodded and finally returned to his own quarters. Clover sat on her bed, looking at the book and reference. You couldn't rely on people. But maybe they could still be useful if you knew what you were doing.

A/N: I doubt this is necessary, but I'll say it anyway because I'm neurotic. The use of abortifacients is not a safe way to terminate a pregnancy, unless it's a medical abortion using tablets prescribed by a medical professional.