Disclaimer – I don't own Fire Emblem. All of its properties belong to Nintendo and Intelligent Systems.
Warning for brief description of violence
Chapter 40
The night is deep and almost into the next before I finally drag my heavy legs through the door of my room. The perk of being an officer in an established military unit means I get private digs all of my own. My luxurious suite is little more than a bed, stool, trunk, and chamber pot, but I'll take a mattress over a bumpy bedroll any night. Frederick's already left to show Lissa her own quarters so I'm free to lock my door and collapse.
The four stone walls and tiny slit of a window remind me more of a prison cell than a bedroom. The thick candle burning in my holder is the only light I have at the moment. I carefully guide myself to the stool where a small lantern rests. Lighting the wick inside, I lift it up and let it rest on the hook right above it. The extra light is welcome to the otherwise pitch black of the room. One thing I really do miss is electricity. Being able to flip a light on and off is a convenience I took for granted. The count for stubbed toes has tripled since losing it.
Having the alone time is a blessing. After the battle today and the clean-up following, I'm utterly drained. It took hours to help fortify the hold to an acceptable state according to the superiors. They're going to conduct a thorough search of the vicinity tomorrow. From what I saw today, things are a lot worse than we expected. The Plegians here did a lot of damage and our attack didn't help. The state of things is not what we were hoping for.
So much is going on right now. Emotionally and physically, I'm just out of it. I saw dead bodies everywhere today and I feel numb. That's it. First time it happened, I was a blubbering mess. Now? It's just sort of empty.
We found the Plegian commander not that long after landing. The woman had been crushed under the weight of her wyvern. Smashed right through the middle so everything beneath her torso was a flat meat sack. Her beast was still alive, the thing paralyzed from a broken spine. Its scales were charred and smoking, skin curling up from the electrical burn of our spell. It just sat there flopping in the dirt making weak whining noises.
I just stared at them. Blank. Hollow. Void.
How fucked up is that?
I thought maybe, in the quiet lonesome of the night, my emotions would come back to remind me of my humanity. But I don't feel sad or disgusted. I'm exhausted and relieved. I'm alive. I lived to enjoy a meager dinner and a cup of coffee this evening. I saw all my friends survive and felt thankful they were still breathing. I'm reveling in the life, not mourning the death.
But isn't that okay? If I just keep focusing on all the death, won't that eventually just drive me mad? I'm not being callous, I'm just trying to stay sane by focusing on what I'm fighting for.
I have so many other things weighing on me. The greater mystery of Robin and Grima. The kids. The future. I have enough suffering with that.
Speaking of, that's a whole other ball game.
I fall back against the bed, hand fishing around in my pocket. Caeda's card fits perfectly between my fingers as I pull her out. Holding her over my head, I stare into the resolute blue of her eyes.
Caeda and Marth have both been invaluable. I honestly should have summoned them sooner. I was just worried what the reaction to their presence would cause. Despite it all, they've been talented warriors and perfect confidants for those seeking their wisdom. It helps that they've been through this before so they could understand what I'm going through.
Considering that point, I've been wondering lately if I should utilize them. The thing is, Lucina's predicament is precarious. I don't want to push her on things that are so sensitive to her, but I can't just sit here in ignorance either. I'm thinking that since the Reinhardt have been around almost as long as she that maybe they have an idea of why Lucina's being how she is. Or they can even answer my questions instead.
The comment I made this afternoon about Lucina celebrating with her whole fmaily was a bit of a test. I wanted to see her reaction. Again, it wasn't full of joy. She always retains some sort of negativity when I bring up her immediate kin. Either she gets moody, irritated, or circumvents the whole thing. It's only gotten worse since that little incident in Ylisstol. It's concerning.
What's bizarre is everything else besides that seems better. She's opened up a lot more and genuinely trusts me. It's a weird juxtaposition of feelings. Lucina and I seem to finally be at a good place but there's a part of her that's still closed off and hidden. There's a number of reasons that could be, some I dislike more than others.
I should be happy with where we are. But the foreknowledge I have and my own past actions make me nervous. I just want to do what's best for her. And having lived so long in the shadow of the past, I'm just tired of playing this role blind as I am.
I'm this close to confronting her but I thought maybe this could be an alternative. It's been in the back of my mind since we had to prepare for the assault on the fort. With the battle over now, I have time to talk to one of them. The process is going to be tiring. Even with the Einherjar not expending their energy for battle, the feed is going to be extra taxing on my already fatigued body. I'll only be able to maintain a summoning for a short time I think.
With Marth in Chrom's hands, that leaves me with Caeda and Katarina. The tactician has been hidden away in my roster for safe keeping as a back-up plan. While the husband and wife are now openly known, Katarina gets to be my reinforcement if something should happen. It doesn't mean I don't want to call her out at least once. She needs to get caught up to date with everything. But for now, with what I have in mind, it would be better to call on Caeda. Being related to the royal family as she is, she may have had a better chance of seeing something.
I desperately want to sleep. However, this might be one of the few times I have to pursue this. I don't want to lose it.
"Might as well just get this over with," I groan out while picking myself up. I cast both legs over the edge of the bed and hold out the card before me.
"Caeda, a word if I could?"
The card dances away from my palm, showering the room in magical light. The spirit forms just a few feet before me, her back against the far wall. Caeda's connection is like a punch to the chest, knocking the air from my lungs. I'm happy to be sitting because my knees would have buckled. I scoot back and lean against the stone structure for support.
The queen forms without weapon or mount, simply herself. The less energy she expends, the better for me.
Caeda is pristine and untouched by battle, all her prior marks whisked away. She regards the room with amusement as shadows reclaim the corners from the fading light.
"You are alone? I had expected to see one of my descendants back with more questions."
I snicker weakly, remembering Lissa and Owain both dogging my steps as they pleaded to borrow Caeda for themselves a few hours. "You're safe for now. Promise. Everyone's too tired from battle or too busy assessing the aftermath to pester me."
Feeling rude for having her stand there, I point wordlessly to the stool situated nearby. She shakes her head and remains comfortable standing.
"I'm heartened to hear that. The battle was hard fought. They deserve their rest before the next battle's coming," she admits gratefully.
"Ain't that the truth," I agree, flexing my knee. The exertion feels like I'm lifting a heavy weight. "It was taxing on us all."
"Indeed," she nods.
The conversation falls off as I fail to respond. I realize I have no obvious way to ease into my request. I should have thought of this beforehand. My mind scrapes for a good transition into things. The quiet grows ever longer and feeds into Caeda's concern. She can feel my distress through our bond and it reflects on her face. Her regal features fall as she leans in.
"Your mind is clouded. Is something amiss?"
"I guess it would be obvious to you" I sigh in resignation. I might as well be blunt about it. Sugarcoating isn't my style. "I was hoping you could answer a few questions."
She cocks her head to the side in interest. "Pertaining to?"
"Me."
"You?"
I startle, realizing how wrong my words are. I shake my palm trying to erase the error of statement. "Not me. Other me! The Robin who came before."
"Ah," Caeda whispers in quiet realization, "your predecessor."
I bend forward, fingers playing in my lap as my thoughts try to gather together. "Yes. Her. I just want to...to know a few things about what she did behind the scenes. Her affairs with the Shepherds and whatnot."
No matter how innocent I try to sound, it can't hide the truth of my wanting behind it. Caeda's brow furrows in worry though she remains even in tone. "I would answer what I can, but I was hardly privy to most matters of their lives. My role extended mostly to the battlefield. If you are searching for such private details, Lucina would be the better choice."
A lump forms in my throat and my heart drops. I was afraid of that. I know I was just hoping but would it hurt have things come out easy and in my favor for once?
My tooth digs into the corner of my lip, the pain sparking my dull senses to life. There is no eloquent way to say this. "That's where the problem lies."
"I'm afraid I don't understand," Caeda answers.
Lucina's face from earlier haunts me. I try not to grimace as I continue. "Caeda, you and Marth had children, right? The Exalted bloodline had to come from somewhere."
The queen regards me curiously, the statement coming from a complete different angle in her point of view. Her fingers come together over her abdomen, interlocking together as if she were threading her hand through her husband's. Her voice is soft, lost in a memory of the spirit she imitates.
"We did," she breathes lightly, as if reciting a prayer. "One beautiful child. War had taken its toll upon me and injuries made it difficult to bear. But I was blessed once with life and my husband loved me no less for it."
The stories talked about Caeda's fierce devotion to Marth. No word could sway her to remain from battle. Genuinely a sweet and likeable woman, the young princess would show her true sincerity when alongside him in battle. She fought relentlessly for his protection and suffered many blows to shield him from harm.
My gaze flicks to my arm and the eternal marks beneath it. Scars earned in a similar fashion to try and preserve the lives of those I care about. I understand, Caeda, and I'd acquire a hundred more just like yourself to keep them alive. The feeling is frightening and mysterious to me but still utterly natural. When faced with the threat of losing what you care about because of real struggles every day, you find new emotions like this. And it's because of these that I have my doubts and fears.
"You'd know then what it's like between parent and child. I don't have any kids of my own, but I had a mother and I know that I couldn't picture what it would be like without her." My head is bowed, eyes tracing the stitching in my glove. "Could you imagine a life any other way?"
"There is no other way for me to do so, a fragment of a life already gone," she reminds me.
"Hypothetically," I push. "Just...try. Imagine if something happened and Marth never ended up with you. What if your child suddenly wasn't yours? They called someone else mother and you weren't in their life anymore. Wouldn't that be the most horrible thing you could think of?"
"What if lives were just twisted and swapped due to circumstance, recreating everything you once loved into something else? Would you be the same?What if you were responsible for it all? Your dumb actions or...or experimentations just screwed with everything?"
"Robin?" Caeda's fragile question seems ready to splinter any second. So do I.
"The short story is that I'm acquainted with someone who invoked a very strong reaction from Lucina. I saved a young woman and her son in Southtown during my earliest days here. When Lucina discovered this, she reacted badly. She almost made it sound like I was not the one who originally interacted with this woman and I feel like I may have altered her fate somehow. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that..."
"That?" Caeda continues for me.
I swallow. My pulse jumps with the arrhythmic pounding of my heart. "That she may or may not have the probability of being Lucina's mother."
Caeda freezes. I had hoped she would burst out laughing or call me a fool. She's doing nothing of the sort. Her wise eyes watch me in the dark, her expression stoic. Great. That's a sign of wonderful things ahead of me.
I somehow find the resolve to keep explaining. "The stories where I come from alter drastically. Genealogy isn't something that was...recorded with a specific certainty. Lineages range drastically per hero. Lucina's maternal figure could be one of several. I know them all by name and I've seen each one interacting with her father. That woman included."
Lucina's features blur with Ginette's as I try to see some sort of similarity between the two that would mark them as mother and daughter. The thing is, she looks so much like her paternal side that any features are too hard to tell or completely lacking.
"I mean, it could be nothing. Or, it could be something. I have Robin's roster and there's evidence in there of her presence, or lack thereof, maybe changing things. The entries are scribbled out but other Shepherds look like they may have altered their own family lives around. And then there's me! Earlier on, I nearly committed a big error by, uh, romantically advancing on her uncle. I could have changed her cousin Owain's entire fate by accidentally stealing away his father should I have been successful. And one, maybe two Shepherds are interacting with others that they never did in the tale I know."
My voice is quaking. The extent of my feelings are running deep and too fast for me to keep up anymore. "I think I've already interfered enough. People are splitting off in different directions, events are occurring out of succession, and..." I take a deep breath. "And the biggest thing I'm worried about is not giving Lucina back the life she originally knew. I want all her friends back. I want her aunt alive and her childhood to be assured. Beyond that, I just want the world back in order again."
My fingers curl into each other, balling into fists as I clench them together as hard as my own insides are. "But I can't do that! I've done one too many things and I think Lucina is afraid to tell me any further details. She trusts me, but she also knows how I am. She isn't talking all that much. I ask her things and sometimes she is willing to talk. Other times, she isn't. It just frustrates me that I'm so close but can't get what I want!"
Caeda's been regarding me carefully this whole time, attention never wavering. Every word sinks deep into her thoughts as she contemplates my brewing stew of troubles. I'm grateful she's the woman the ancient fables tell her to be. She doesn't ever seem to blame me. She's been very sympathetic.
She doesn't remark directly, but rather questions me further.
"You believe she is afraid you will alter things beyond control?" Caeda concludes for me.
"Yeah," I admit shamefully.
"I see," she remarks with an assurance I can't understand. The Einherjar steps away from the wall and turns away in thought. The candlelight hits her back and the shadows play on her, making her form seem ephemeral. A spirit of wisdom summoned to consult on a dreadful unfolding of events. Would that make me the foolish protagonist then? I definitely feel like I need guiding.
"What is it the child refuses to speak of exactly?" she finally requests.
"It's not so much refusing as she is avoiding it," I utter in frustration. "It's mostly about the Shepherds' personal affairs. All the things I just told you."
Caeda faces me again. We're barely a foot apart and she looks down at me. I can see the sadness in the way her mouth frowns and the heavy hang of her shoulders. "Are you sure she is simply not ready to speak of such matters? Lucina has been through so much. Asking her to remember such pain would be very difficult to do. She has endured far more than any I know."
"I thought so too and I'm trying to respect that. The kid's been through so much hell that I don't know how she's still hanging on. Her willpower is out of this world." I sit up straight, hands at my sides sinking deep into the blanket. The disappointment I feel is getting harder to control. "She tries to answer some things but it devolves into either her avoidance of the topic or the claim she knows as little as I do."
I clench my eyes shut, the helplessness spilling into my words as I appeal to the woman before me. "Lucina doesn't know why Robin did what she did and that's the other big thing. Why did I, er, she do all of this? I can't get answers from her and I can't do it myself. I have to try something else! Being so close to her, my thought is that maybe you can at least push me in the right direction. Having been under her possession through the cycles, you had to have seen something."
There's a strength that takes hold of our bond. The feeling deepens and the emotions I fight against grow raw and sharp. It hurts. At the same time, the cold is encased. It's wrapped in profound regret. Caeda's emotion is leaking in.
"So if I may clarify," the queen voices slowly and concisely, "you are searching out the answers to what happened in the past. You know where it began. The question is why and how. Furthermore, you wish to protect the children and the current Shepherds from the damage done to them by becoming more aware of their own physical choices and reactions over time. Is this correct?"
"Yes!" I proclaim too loudly. My eyes dart to the door hoping no one overheard my shout.
"It is..." Caeda pauses long, searching. "...a pursuit I cannot fault you for searching out. You are taking up the burden of your own free will. You have a right to know."
I get up, unable to sit still anymore. My hands dig into my inside pockets as I stalk the small space between the bed and door. "I know! I just don't get it. You would think she'd want to be as open as possible about this! I've inherited this shitty set of circumstances and I'm the least informed of anyone barring the Shepherds themselves. How can I not do stupid things anymore if I don't know what I should or shouldn't do!"
"So you have said," she replies.
"Exactly! This is why I need your help Caeda," I plead. "I'm trying to protect her."
Caeda's averted her gaze. Her posture remains the same but there's an inner turmoil churning inside I can feel through the connection. She's hesitant to speak and I'm clueless as to why. Now she doesn't want to talk? Why? For gods' sakes can someone just-
"Robin."
Caeda's looks up, eyes flashing with sincerity. My anxiety battles back and forth between us creating a heavy blockage that's making it hard to breath.
"What?" I challenge warily, waiting for the newest letdown.
"Forgive me for intruding into your thoughts but I wished to understand this both emotionally and logically," she explains. "And in doing so, I've come to see your stance."
"I would also like to ask if you've considered this situation from another viewpoint."
"Like how?" I ask.
"The entirety of our speech you have been defensive. You try to understand, but I can also feel blame forming your heart. That's she's at fault for this because of her inability to believe in you."
"That's not what I- I mean..." I bristle in reaction, mortified at the thought. Am I growing bitter about this? Maybe? Oh crap. "What am I suppose to think? It's her choice not to talk and I can't make her. It's affecting me in a very negative way and making me question every decision I want to make. I don't mean to blame her. I'm just upset."
She stands firm on her reasoning but eases off the edge of her voice as she continues. "I am merely wondering if you have approached her reasoning in a different light? That what she does is not because of feelings or mistrust in your abilities."
"Truthfully?" I remark in defeat as I sag against the wall. "I'm real done with theorizing. I just want answers."
"Then allow me to put this in perspective," Caeda proposes before me. "Are you aware that there is one particular aspect tying all of this together?"
"That being?"
She walks up to me and presses a few fingers to the top of my right hand. "You."
I...yeah? "Well, sure. Isn't this all in some way or another the original Robin's fault? Everything is tied to her and Grima."
"Yet it is Robin we know nothing about." Caeda nods knowingly, a sort of smug look a mother gets when she's about to pull one over on her child. "And how forthcoming has she been when dealing with the aspects regarding Grima? Or these Grimleal involved?"
"Very." Lucina's letter still sits folded in the roster. A valuable source of information chronicling unknown foes. "She's the one who's clarified their roles and abilities. Grima's movements and the generals' roles have a far clearer picture about them than when I first began."
Caeda steps back, her hands resting on her hips as she counters me with her next point. "It seems to me she is being very forward about one half and closed toward the other. And why do you believe that is?"
I go to open my mouth to respond and pause. That's...true. Everything about Grima more or less comes naturally. Lucina never hides her revulsion for the dragon nor her thoughts on the creature's nature. Who Grima associates with and what actions took place came freely of her own doing. But everything about Robin, who should be equally reviled given what I do know her actions, garners silence. I suppose one could say the topic is sensitive to her. But I would think she'd even mutter something here or there.
Caeda closes her eyes, the tug of her mouth not enough to be a frown or smile. "You claim you are trying to protect her. But perhaps her reasoning is the same. What if it is she who is trying to protect you?"
"Protect...me?" I stutter.
"Perhaps my kin is attempting to say quiet not for her own accord, but for yours as well," she adds.
My attention snaps, brain whirring with all sorts of notions based on Caeda's suggestion. "What on earth could her silence be protecting me from?" I ask, emotions tugging in all directions.
Caeda's response is simple and definitive.
"The truth."
The moment grows stagnant. I have no guards up and neither does she. Something horrible and dark rolls between us. A heavy, indescribable feeling that leaves me with dread and fear. It's the terrible veracity of her statement. The shape of what she's experienced just beneath what she shows.
The words tumble out like splintering glass, cutting into me and drawing the proverbial blood.
"You know something, don't you?" I accuse in mute horror.
There's a flicker of something in her eyes. It says I'm right. Drawing her hands up over her arms, the young queen seems more human than spirit in the moment. Caeda leans back on her heels and tilts her head toward the ceiling as if recalling lost memories.
"As I stated before, I have only glimpses into affairs during the small window of my summoning. I can notice missing faces, changes in how personalities interact, and breaks in my host's subconscious. This means I have only fragments that could lead me to an understanding. But if what I believe is true, there is fair reasoning for what is occurring here."
This! This is the progress I wanted! Just the faintest taste of what happened is good enough for me. I babble, the twisted excitement gnawing away between my fear and desire to know.
My hands practically shake as I scuttle in a circle, explaining to her my thoughts. "I-I told you I get these weird memories occasionally. Something triggers an echo of the other me and I feel her memories. I don't know why but they happen. A lot of it has to do with her anger. Something happened to her, I think. It was enough to send her to crazy town. She was filled with this hungry, torturous rage that turned her against the Shepherds. But most of that rage was directed at...Chrom, I feel."
I hate looking her in the eye but I have to know. "Is that true? Did something happen? If so, what?"
She turns her chin down and side-eyes me. Her hand slides slowly through her free hanging hair, the tresses a deep indigo in the darkness of night. "I only have suspicions. I fear offering my own disconnected opinion would lead you astray. Robin's tale weaves very deep and Lucina is tied with it. For me to give a second-hand account would be a disservice to you and my blood. This is not a topic meant for an outsider to share."
"Caeda!"
"It would be disrespectful to Lucina to speak on a topic that is rightfully hers," she warns me. It pains her to say this and there's a small fight working against our bond. Einherjar are suppose to serve their masters and we're reaching a breaking point where her inbred spirit is coming in conflict with that code.
I try to reel in my aggression. She's trying to help in the way she thinks is best. I just...I press the back of my hand to my forehead. I might need to sit soon. I'm getting wobbly. Got to focus though!
"Caeda, I get what you want and I'd agree if not for the facts I've already stated. How can we talk about it if she won't do so? I-I don't need specifics, just a yes or no answer. Give me something to bring up that will make her speak. Even the smallest thing to help. Please."
I could make Caeda talk but this is distressing her. I can feel it in our bond. It's pressuring her against her own feelings. Unlike the games, Marth explained to me that Einherjar could disobey a master within a certain circumstance. Einherjar will not obey something that openly disregards their major moral compass. For example, Marth is a very just spirit and he will not obey an order to murder an innocent child with no reasoning.
However this, is not so extreme. In Caeda's case, she's a very caring individual. While her real life counterpart would have disagreed with going behind someone's back to get information so personal, it's not so great an action that it would compromise her personal standing. I could very well order her to speak, but I won't.
I don't know if she can tell or not but she seems to share a look of gratefulness before sobering up. She's very tense and speaks behind her fingers, eyes glazed and far away. Her confession surprises me.
"A choice was given to an individual and it was not made by the one intended to do so." Her expression grows pained. "The ramifications of that choice are what I believe led to Robin's anger. What those specific ripples were is mostly unknown to me. I was not conscious again until well into the third cycle. Between that battle and then, all is lost to me."
That first statement causes a memory to stir.
"A choice that wasn't meant to be," I whisper.
I'm taken back to a night at the little inn before the castle gates the Shepherds frequent. A bit of Robin's past that came back before the flickering of a fire. A battlefield where two angry companions stand, one in disbelief over a choice made and the other resolute in their decision.
Was that...was that it? Was that the moment everything blew up?
"Oh gods," I whisper hoarsely. "Chrom. What did you do?"
I bury my head in my hands, senses buzzing in confusion. "Caeda, I-I think I remembered that. It was...it was one of the first memories I inherited. Chrom and Robin, they were arguing or she was accusing him. That was the only piece I got. What choice was it? What did he do?"
"I am but a simple Einherjar, Robin. My tale is over and yours is for you to claim."
Chrom's form wavers before me. His boyish grin. The way his eyes light up when someone starts up a tale. The warmth of his hands on my shoulders when he comforted me.
I can't imagine him and I ever reaching a point like that. One where our friendship would break so explicitly that I'd want him dead.
I slide down to a kneel, balancing on the balls of my feet for support as I sink further into my arms. "I did not sign up for this kind of mind screwing."
If everything Caeda says is true, then I can understand why Lucina would try to keep things under wraps. I don't know if she would stay quiet forever or is just waiting for the right time, but trying to preserve the little peace I have makes sense. I have more than enough trouble waiting for me already. She must believe that burdening me further with these woes would weigh me down even more.
Another image slips in. The tiny thank you she peeps out after watching me with her father as we told stupid little little myths to each other. She looked so peaceful the next day and I could tell she was more comfortable with me being with Chrom. Does she worry that the truth will taint my view of him? That I'll want to leave like my predecessor before me?
So many uncertainties! Now I'm almost afraid to talk to the poor girl.
I peek over my forearm at the Einherjar, my voice tiny. "Can't you get Lucina to talk to you? You're her grandmother, a couple thousand years over. Won't she talk to family? I can just slip you under the door and then take you back when you're done talking."
Caeda bends over and offers a hand to help me up. She slowly shakes her head. "I would prefer you try yourself before I. Family is important but this matter is directly tied between you both."
Greeeeeat.
I take her extended palm and she helps me up. I wobble over to the bed and settle back into a comfortable position. Despite my mind being acute and awake, the rest of my body is screaming for release.
"Okay, okay. How about this?" I offer in negotiation. "If Lucina continues to refuse to talk, can I come back to you? I understand why you don't want to but I have to know things. Ignorance is something I can't afford anymore. You know that we've lost the last chances we have for reversing time. Lucina is right, this is our final try at fixing things. We can't mess up anymore."
"I believe Lucina knows that. Everything that child does is always with the best of intentions in mind. Whatever she withholds, she does so with good reason." Caeda steps back and loses her welcoming aura, growing distant and reserved. "However, I am an Einherjar. My will is bound to your word. If you truly desired, I must answer as you command. I merely offer what I believe is best. You are not bound to my wishes."
I jerk up, staring in horror at the very thought of forcing anyone, even a spirit like her, to be ordered about like a tool. I get that there's this contract going on but I've got far too much respect for these Einherjar to see them as simple weapons! "Naga's breath, I'm not a tyrant forcing my will on you! That'd be horrible of me to do so!"
"It is the nature of our contract. You have a right to do so."
"I guess it'd be easier to force something out of you but-!" Marc and Echo linger in the back of my mind and all the revulsion I once felt washes over me. I am NOT Grima. I am a decent human being and...and it's not like she won't talk to me ever. I just have to try Lucina first. The very thought of even imitating Grima to the slightest degree makes me feel the need to bathe.
"I feel like I would be breaking every moral fiber in my being doing that. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. I can tell you feel strongly about me consulting Lucina first. Einherjar or not, forcing it out of you would..."
Caeda bows her head in gratitude. Her smile returns and it stretches out in her praise. I feel as if I passed some test in the way she thanks me.
"I understand that this is purely an ethical stigma that deters my desire to speak further. I have no desire to divulge personal secrets of another person, believing it only right to come from their own mouth. But matters are pressing and you lack time. I thank you for listening to this spirit's plea when you could simply do otherwise. It shows great things about your character. I promise I will speak my thoughts should it come to that."
She lingers a moment before concluding with a very personal, heartfelt explanation.
"I only wish what's best for my family."
Feeling no desire to get up on my toes tonight, I brazenly start to peel off my boots. "No, it's fine. I get it. Everyone's traumatized and I'm just wound up from everything. You're right. I should have considered Lucina's predicament more thoroughly. I'm so caught up in my own misfortune that I'm dragging her down into it. It's just so hard to think about anything without my mind spinning in circles."
Caeda moves out of the way to give me a place to drop the footwear. "Lucina is not the same as she was, but she hasn't forgotten herself. She still maintains her inherent desire to shoulder everyone's burdens by herself."
"And I wish she wouldn't," I argue, kicking off the second boot. Wiggling my toes, I relish in the freedom. I hope my smelly socks aren't too off-putting. "There's only so much her stubborn self should take. I want to help her."
"Then tell her this," Caeda encourages me. "Show her that you are ready to fight for the life she thought lost."
I can't find anything to say to this other than a silent nod of understanding. I'm willing. I'm able.
"And perhaps you should decide where your limit of intervention lies before continuing on. Naga graced the children with a chance to preserve the world. It was not an opportunity to be selfish and change all things for their favor."
I shrivel up under her lecturing, shrinking into the mattress. "I'm not out to adjust things so I end up the ruler of Valm. I just want the best outcome for everyone."
"As I said, do so with limitations in mind. Struggles do not come without sacrifices. Choose your choices carefully."
I snirk into my shoulder, the notion both depressing and hilarious."All this decision making is going to give me gray hair before my time. I should have picked another role besides tactician. Camp cook should have gotten me along alright. Making tough calls is just getting harder and harder. How do you pick what's right?"
"You simply need guidance. You have Katarina nearby, perhaps she would be of help," Caeda offers casually. She waits for my reaction and is rewarded with a squinting look of surprise from me. "We Einherjar can feel the presence of another if close enough. Since our leaving from Ylisstol, I believe?"
My eyes drift to the rucksack I let hit the floor as soon as I slunk into the room. Katarina is hidden in the pages of the roster. "I was planning on saving her for an emergency. A secret trump card. I've wanted to summon her still but I was being careful. Now that you and Marth are common knowledge, I guess I won't have to wait on summoning her without having every mage banging down my door in wonder."
"Wherever did you find her? It has only been Marth and I since the beginning?.
"Long story short? It was a gift from some people I hope to make allies of in the future."
"Is that so," she remarks with interest. "Strange allies indeed to have Einherjar on them."
"You'll meet them one day," I smile weakly. I feel like it's turned into more of a grimace though.
Caeda takes the hint and refrains from asking further. She instead looks fondly toward the bag. "I've missed my old friend, dearly."
Old friend? I don't remember if the two could support or not. I suppose it's not surprising they would communicate being in the same army, but friends? Huh.
"You two became good acquaintances?" I inquire.
"It was hard not to," she responds. "Chris was my husband's champion and known for his singular loyalty to the crown. However, the young man inspired much loyalty toward himself. Chris was constantly by Marth's side and it was only natural I come to know the wife following diligently behind him."
"Wife?" Holy mackerel! Did she just say they were married? "Katarina was his wife?"
"The very same. The bond of acquaintance became camaraderie, then friendship, devotion, and lastly, love. Katarina came to Marth's army an outcast, branded for her earlier crimes. Chris was her sole support in this world until she found the strength to remold her life again. It seemed only natural they joined as soul mates."
"Soooo..." If Chris and Katarina were married, then that means her kids are his and his blood is also also Robin's. Ha! And here I thought the royals had an illustrious family tree! Robin was freaking related to two of the strongest warriors working behind the scenes.
"They're both Robin's ancestors. Whoa," I murmur in surprise out loud, the idea still trying to cement itself in my mind. I'm utterly jealous! I want to be related to famous people!
"Yes," Caeda chuckles to my sudden shift in mood. She's pleased with my reaction. "And after all these years it is warming to know that our blood continues to work alongside theirs."
I hang off the edge of the bed, suddenly eager to know more. "Is that what Marth meant in Ylisstol when he said he was reminded of something? That Chrom and I working together remind you of yourselves?"
"In that case he was referring to Chris' stubborn will to serve his lord no matter the circumstances. But Katarina's own prowess slipped through in the execution of your plan. The echoes of our own history are there," she responds in amusement.
"This is beyond ridiculous. It's an insane coincidence that the old blood found a way to come together again in a time of chaos." My smile is a bit more grim than hers, the irony of the situation not lost to me. "I guess Robin and I inherited the loyalty thing too. Anyone more sane than I would have ran."
"Katarina and I would oft laugh and refer to our husbands as each others second wives."
Alright, I can't hold back on that one. A strangled little chuckle falls out of me.
"I could call her out now, if you want. I've been eager to meet her. Now I'm even more so. I may not be direct blood but maybe in my world I had a Katarina and Chris in my ancestry. It'll still be like meeting family in a roundabout way," I offer.
"Had the situation been different, I would have enjoyed seeing her again. However, I believe the act alone may put you to a faint. You are barely keeping me here. I am using the least energy I can use to maintain a physical body here and you still shake so. Rest first."
"I, uh, yeah. I wouldn't mind sleep," I reply bashfully. "I've got a lot to think about tomorrow."
"I believe you do," she agrees.
"Thank you Caeda. It's going to be a lot to take in, I bet, but it's necessary."
"Your job is not one meant to be of ease. Remember that," the queen thoughtfully reminds me.
I give her a thumbs up and a half-hearted grin. "Can't back out now. I've just got to learn to deal with it."
"If Ylisstol is an example to go by, I believe you will do just fine."
"Let's hope."
Caeda offers a curtsy in departure, pulling at one corner of her battle skirt. She seems much more heartened than before. "Good luck to you, Robin. I hope the next time we meet, it will be with friendly faces and a more peaceful heart."
"So do I."
Caeda disappears into her dormant form, coming to fall into my lap. I pick her up and place her on the stool beside me, blowing the candle out quickly next to it. I stumble through disrobing and drag myself to bed. The mattress is filled with straw and super lumpy. I end up throwing my bedroll over it anyway. With the bumps now cushioned from my sore back, I fall face first to my pillow.
The fort creaks with unknown noises and the whines of wyverns and pegasi drift in on the wind. Even with the new information burning questions deep within, sleep comes to mercifully take me away. I don't dream of memories or suffer in nightmares. My slumber is as deep and black as the fell dragon's hide. I don't wake until Frederick pounds on my door the next morning.
A/N: Looks like that memory in chapter four came back to bite her in the bum, yeah? Sorry for the shorter chapter but there wasn't much more I could add to it without the content feeling forced. Heavy dialogue chapters are hard enough to write as is and this one just kept giving me writer's block. Just a stubborn chapter I couldn't get into with my excitement building up. I dunno. Apologies if anything seems messy. I really wanted to get something out to you guys before I fall off the map.
That's because of Fates! It's almost here! I probably have another few days to wait with it coming in the mail. The blackout is almost over though! I can browse fanfiction and tumblr again without the worry of spoilers! I'll be rocking Birthright first despite my curiosity with a certain trio in Nohr. I feel like I'll get a more satisfying feeling beating in Garon's face than your poor, peaceful mother's. If she's a boss battle, I'll cry. I have a feeling either side is going to be very, very painful. I can't wait to shatter my heart with a hammer!
Review Responses –
CrystalHeart27 - Yeah, go team indeed! It's been awhile since we had some good fun with the Shepherds. Why not take it to the air? Ha, I think Robin does make a good cheerleader. She's supporting and boosting morale which is just as important as trying to keep them alive. Reminds me of the avatar's Rally skill. She's rallying love, confidence, and friendship! What a job!
fareyinabottle – Things have been a bit dark so I brought back the good fun of past chapters. Showing off the Shepherds, having a little fun, and just exploring new angles. I've had some requests to see the Einherjar and the royals interact more so I slipped that in. Precious mother/son time. I'll aim for more in the future! And heck yes I'm excited! Mine is coming in the mail so I probably won't get it on the 19th. It's going to be an excruciating couple of days! I'll be brooding impatiently at the door every day in wait.
Anoyingtac – Thank you so much! This is meant to be homage to one of my favorite games ever so I'm so glad you not only enjoyed this but actually went out to snag your own self a copy. Nothing like sharing the experience! Welcome to the fandom! I hope you have as much fun with it as I did. If you want anymore recommendations from the series to try, I'll be happy to answer! Happy gaming!
Shimi – Thank you! I never intended going into this to make the story so epic in its scope, but it's evolved naturally into what it is now. Fleshing out worlds, cultures, and a massive cast takes more than ten thousand words a chapter apparently. I wouldn't trade it for anything though. I've never had so much fun developing battles before. I'm glad so many people are enjoying it as well. It's humbling. If you've made it to this chapter, thanks for sticking around to read!
MatchMida – Thanks! The move, in my own opinion, is a bit difficult and the past animations not as rewarding as I would like to believe for something so epic sounding. I fiddled around with what it could be. It turned pretty cool, didn't it? And no worries about typos. To human is to err. I'm still finding spelling errors of my own everywhere D:
FicReader – Oh good, I wouldn't want to interrupt sleep no matter how addicting it is! Nothing like heading to school/work with less than fulfilling sleep!
The attack takes time to set up, especially because you have to have all three related units out which usually takes away diversity from your small group for the battle. Stripping away game mechanic restrictions leaves room for creativity, so I rolled with it. I'm so relieved it came clear and concise. Trying to describe something so intricate in your mind to paper has so much risk of muddling. If anything does seem unclear, feel free to let me know! I actively try to edit when I can, big as this story is!
Animeseris – Robin and pegasi will never mix. She's unlucky like that XD
Ha, ha! Yeah, the royal family is really crazy. Poor fashion sense, constant teasing, sadly dense about important matters...speaking of, poor Robin indeed. Slow and subtle changes are happening. I'm taking care not to forget their friendship and that everything that follows it stems from that unshakeable bond first established. As for the Gaius reference, I can't get to every support unfortunately. That happened behind the scenes and goes to show that everyone is interacting regularly even if it's not highlighted in the story.
You guys are getting good! You and another reader dissected that part really well. It is a collection of paintings that seem to chronicle Grima's life. I think deciphering the contents are pretty easy after that fact is made clear. The beginning and rise to power of the fell dragon. That does include a picture of the first Exalt's war. The rest have their own meanings I'll leave for you to figure out.
Yep, Chris in this world is a man. Owain also uses the name Chris as his nickname much like Lucina does Marth, which is why she mentioned it. Finding time to take Katarina out between battles is hard but I promise to fit her in soon. Maybe for the next battle? Hopefully the part I threw in this chapter helped a little with your theorizing!
Cyberchao X – Thanks, I'd think it's obvious at this point I like messing with fantasy and expanding on lore. I noticed the number three comes up a lot in the series (weapon triangle, triangle attack, three magic elements, etc.) so I made a point of it.
Could be the village maiden. Every mother has a chance. I'm not prejudiced against any. We'll have to see.
Mr Wobbly – I don't think many people do. It's tough to do. I mainly used them once per game just to say I did it. Still, it's an aspect of the game and I thought it would be worth exploring. It gives a good idea at how gifted the Shepherds are in their talents and how well they work together as a team.
NODAHE – I know! I definitely wanted to get in one extra juuuust in case Fates takes up all my time. I'm going to keep aiming for two every month though! Good for everyone!
J053D4N13L35C083D0 – I would hope so! Nothing like good multi-dimensional villains to make you care! They're the sad products of what awaits in the future if Robin fails and my own take on the Future Past DLC.
timewastin – Ah, I get it now. I can see where you are coming from. Lucina should have given a hard hitting reason to convince Robin than just using the excuse that they've killed people. I can see the fault there. It is a little weak coming from her, especially when the Shepherds technically can be accused of the same thing. Good point. I'll add that to my list of features to tweak with the next typo overhaul. Thanks for the clarification!
Robin is getting better, to the point of maintaining a clear focus in adverse conditions. Our little tactician is growing up! Keeping her aloft would actually be good tactically because it allows her a good eyeful of the battle from above. Too bad she's so averse to flying. It's not the last time she'll do it though, regardless of what she says. Poor gal. And yes, non-canon interactions! I was always disappointed in Sumia's small pool and the lack of interaction with spot pass characters. Cordelia deserves at least some attention. I get it's a nod to Marth's game, but still. I try to remedy that where I can. :)
3liManning – Uh, I can't really say with the saddle. I'm just following game logic. They got the things on somehow, so they have to work, ha ha.
Well, how do I answer these without spoiling things. So many! Okay. On her eyes, there's a part in one chapter that describes what they really look like. If you want the chapter number I'll give it. Chapter eleven can sort of help with the aging thing. No one is old because the original Robin is actually reversing time. They whole time line is caught in a never ending loop that returns to a specific point in the past. She's rewinding the state of everyone to that earlier point. I'll explain it all in a future chapter. I could get into the whole thing but it's better to explain all at once with whatever flawed quantum physics nonsense time travel likes to play at. As for Marc and Morgan, they are young. They're just hitting puberty so they still sound young and youthful. Marc's voice is more of an alto so she sounds a bit more boyish, matching her twin. Pravitus, appearance-wise at that time, was between seventeen to nineteen thanks to the body he imitated. His true age is obviously way older given he's a dragon.
There's only one Tiki. She rewound time like Robin and awoke like everyone else did in that moment. It's different than when Naga literally wrenched a hole open and shoved the kids through in the state they were. And you should let Lucina answer the questions about her mother and the others ;)
Yep, Grima didn't do it out of the kindness of her heart. There's a reason she displayed them so obviously and made a point to show off the wounds she gave them. How mean. The only traitors/insiders in Ylisse we currently know of are Pravitus and the twins. Morgan reveals in the first Interlude he and Marc were the ones stealing the plans and feeding them to Aversa. There could be more though. Finally, the twins can use the map. Grima birthed them but it was Robin's body. Her blood is theirs so they're eligible.
Thank you! I was a little shocked myself with how the last two major fights went. Ylisstol and Fort Tyr have been some of the best I produced. I hope the next comes just as easily! On the triangle attack in FE8, it was done with Frelia's fliers. Princess Tana, Vanessa, and Syrene could perform it together.
I was beginning to miss the Shepherds too. It worked well because the one she is most close too got to kick butt together and show off just how great they work together as a team. I enjoy Miriel way more than I should. Cordelia's a bit of a dark horse in the game of love but even she has a chance! On Robin and Lucina, they're finally reaching a point of total acceptance. Lucina has a lot of hurt and allowing her to heal and accept Robin has taken many small steps. Luckily Robin is very invested in this and helping Lucina despite everything.
With Fates, I'm going to become a hermit as well. I'll just stock up on TV dinners and horde all my time for the game. It's going to be all I talk about for the rest of the month. My poor family! Good luck on all the gaming!
hot poteito – Ha, I think Robin has a better chance of wyvern rider than pegasus rider. She'd just got bad luck with the creatures.
Ignis is a product of Cynthia's support with her father. She follows everyone around and just throws flower petals behind them as they burst into battle. Seriously though, I've haven't decided on that yet. While I've figured out a way to pay homage to class changes even, that part is still eluding me. Some skills are easy to imitate while others are very anime-esque and harder to adapt in a realistic sense. I'm still giving it thought.
Thank you! The move is something you like or hate. No in between as far as I know. But hey, this is a world not confined by mechanics. I figured why not have fun with it! It took forever to set up those few paragraphs proper though. Thank goodness I rewrote it until I was content. I didn't want to muddle up something that cool looking in my head, ya know?
We'll meet her soon. The constricts of the plot are causing me to juggle different events. I fit in a small subsection here to acknowledge we haven't forgotten about her. I'm aiming for an opportunity in the next battle, hopefully. Or at least a summoning outside of it. Sorry!
Arthogawa – Thanks! It was nice to go back to the more lighthearted formula of chapters past.
Yep, there's plenty of non-canon going on right now. Sumia and Stahl are turning into couple number three, I believe. Robin might be starting to admire her captain but she acknowledges that Cordelia has been there longer and knows how deeply she cares thanks to Sumia. She feels like Cordelia is more deserving of a chance than she. Hopefully it might end up fixing a potential error she might have made. Cordelia, in her mind, would be a wonderful option for filling in a major plot hole she potentially dug. This could push Cordelia to try harder. If Sumia pulls out and both girls support Cordelia, something could happen. Then it would all rely on how Chrom feels.
Hm, you think so? Maybe you're right on one, both, or neither. It was a bizarre response, regardless.
This chapter hopefully answered the last question. I had trouble waiting for the right moment to fit in time for Robin to try. It's essentially the bridge to some answers. You've got some hints to the future here. I don't want to drag out all of the mystery to the point of obnoxiousness so I think it's time to punch some of them out. Whether it comes from Lucina or the Einherjar, someone is going to spill something soon.
I LOVE WALKING PEACHES – Thank you! I always get an extra boost of motivation when someone appreciates the story that much! I'm honored! Seriously! Especially when compared to the other popular tales here. I'm a freshman to their legacies!
Holy bubblegum balls! Are you serious? Jeez, thank you! Sure! If we're going strictly by the game creator, physically she's closer to body type 3 but has a waaay smaller chest. Face one and hair one (short hair and bangs). Hair color is 9 (black). This Robin's eyes are a brighter brown though, more amber colored. If you want to dig up more information, I think the original description is in chapter 15 or 16 I believe. Maybe a bit earlier? Wow, though. Seriously, thank you. I'll wait in earnest! :D
Raiden312 – Lucina's life is messy. Her mental and emotional struggles only beat out the twins because she's endured multiple lifetimes. Though one life for them under Grima's thumb has enough trauma to equal a few cycles.
It could be. There are a few signs that could point to that. It would explain why one of the generals allegedly crumbled and maybe why Grima secluded themselves away. The dragon is a big enigma, almost as much as the original Robin.
While I'd like to think Griffons are more indigenous to Valm, hence why we don't see them until then, I don't see why I can't sneak some in somewhere. Actually, that might have given me an idea. We'll see if I can craft them in.
Thanks! Can't wait for your next chapter as well!
Caellech Tiger Eye – Thanks, I missed it too! While I'm setting up for a big chapter between Robin and Lucina, the next mission is all about the Shepherds. It's something right up their alley and should add a few surprises that might make some readers happy.
The freedom is a bit of a double-edged sword. I can expand and write a lot more freely now! I have the whole continent of Plegia to explore! But at the same time, I feel like it takes more time to plan because I don't have a base to follow. The end goal is obviously to reach Gangrel but getting there is far different now that he's retreated without Emmeryn and Aversa is plotting countermeasures after a defeat instead of a victory in Ylisstol. It's a comfortable challenge. The ultimate brainstorm so to speak.
On the matter of Tharja, both she and Henry have me analyzing their characters carefully. The fact that they come from an upbringing in Plegia already means their personalities are going to be a bit darker than Ylisse's given the whole Grimleal influence on their culture. They have 'quirks' that people love or hate and can be viewed in very grim lighting depending on your interpretation of them. I'm actually nervous about them both. I'm going to do my best with them but don't be afraid to call me out on something. I don't want to turn them into comic relief nor do I want to change their names to Grimdark Angstypants.
With pairings, I don't think a threesome will happen. I have no qualms with anyone involved with one, but I'm strictly of the monogamous sort. That's all I can write. Doesn't mean it couldn't work though! I think I actually found a story once where Maribelle married Chrom but it was so people would stop pestering him and allow her to be with Lissa. I'd be interested to see what you write with Fates. With the all the siblings having personal retainers and different loyalty groups abound, I could see a trio arising from all of that. Love knows no boundaries they say!
I heard PAL regions are still in the dark in regards to the release date. I wonder if it's because of all the languages they are translating? I really don't have a right to complain about waiting in the mail then! That's one things Nintendo needs to drop. Region locked consoles kind of stink. I love Sony because I can import Japanese game and not have to buy a whole new system to play it. I'll follow the same formula though. Birthright, Conquest, and then I'll pick up the shattered pieces of my soul with Revelations.
Thanks, it's heartening to know that despite being original ideas, any villains have felt organic thus far. It's true that not all villains need sweeping back stories. Even ones with the simple notion of world power can invoke great reaction if how the present themselves is effective enough. The main source of conflict should be memorable regardless. What makes Grima such an alluring prospect that I wish was explored more on is how they were foreshadowed in the plot. They are feared, reviled, and deified to oppose the current dominant force on the continent. Something made them prominent. Something made them rise up and cause a struggle that collapsed the world as it was known. With how much of the current plot is tied with Marth's story, I had to expect that Grima's was also somehow. Grima, to me, falls into your explanation of MCU villains. Known, but not really outstanding besides a plot device to develop and encourage the sake of the characters. In trying to develop Grima, I realized that there was a whole history with the dragons Fire Emblem never explored. The best we get is the occasional divine dragon who pops up, and we all know they are happy because they were on the winning side. No one explores the other side of the story. Thus, Grima's support network was built. Some have deep motivations, some are shallow. Not everyone is as intricate as the next but that's what makes the group at large so varied. I feel like I'm going to start spewing spoilers so I'll stop there, ha ha.
I figured the hair comment would rustle someone's jimmies. So close yet so far. A true tease it was, I couldn't resist. Morgan and their father match so if you ever catch his hair color, you'll get your hint there. Marc, like her in game counterpart, inherits her mother's hair. Just to clarify. I just love hating teases like that. Nothing like throwing your hands up and wishing someone would throw you a bone. Daydreams and Nightmares is one I would really like to read alongside Asleep because I heard they have good alternate elements to them. Maybe I'll cave and read a chapter or two sometime just to indulge the curiosity. As for Lucina vs Robin's attitudes, not much to add there. It's an interesting reverse because it began with the original Robin teaching Lucina and then reversed after the younger became the veteran and the elder the wide-eyed recruit. Cycle has a reoccurring theme of elements coming around again and aspects repeating themselves, albeit in different forms. If Fates pulls something like that (I'm think Conquest specifically), I'll be very impressed.
Wow, that got long too. Introspection and analyzation is a wonderful thing.