(A/N): H-hey Guys! Now, don't kill me! I know I haven't updated in ages, but I promise you, I have good reasons. 1) School. School is a bitch, you all know this. 2) My Boyfriend. He's reading this, wave readers! I've spent a lot of time with him recently, and I haven't had the chance to write. 3) Writer's Block. God that sucked ass. 4) Emotional problems. Frankly, I've been feeling pretty horrible, which is mainly why this chapter is so angst-y. If you can't tell, I can relate to Leo a lot. 5) Writing. Camp NaNoWriMo has just started, and I have to write a novel for school, plus I was writing on a new Supernatural/Maximum Ride crossover.
There's more than that, but eh... sorry guys.
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise as belonging to J.K. Rowling or anyone else.
Leo
After the incident with Brooke, and the almost accident with Elaine, I spent most of my time away from Elaine and Remus- who had apparently kept this a secret from the others, seeing as on the rare occasions where I did see the others, they mentioned that they thought I had been with the other two. To avoid them properly and not give them a chance to find me in a usually deserted corridor, I hid- either in hidden passageways, or sometimes, up on the roof of the astronomy tower, where no one would find me- especially not them.
Following the first night of sleeping on the hard ground, I made a quick trip to the Room of Requirement in the dead of night to collect a pillow and some blankets... only to find Elaine inside, bent over one of the tables, fast asleep. Once I'd grabbed my supplies I picked her up, cradling her in my arms while being careful to keep her far away from my face, and held my breath the whole time as I placed her gently on the couch I had asked the room to provide. I draped one of the blankets over her, and after a moment of hesitance, listening to her steady breathing, I leaned down and brushed my lips to her temple. I exited the room hurriedly, half-scared that she would wake up to scold me about the kiss, and half scared she would wake up to scold me about how I had been avoiding them.
Taking a deep breath as soon as I left the Room of Requirement, I set off at a quick gait, knowing no one would be around to see me other than teachers, and I could avoid them pretty easily. I made my way to one of the secret passageways on the fourth floor- it was disused other than by me, I could tell by the smell, and it had a minimal amount of spiders, so I'd say it was pretty comfortable. I spread most of the blankets on the ground for padding before crawling on top of them, dropping my head onto the pillow and throwing the remaining blanket over me, mostly just out of habit, seeing as I didn't really get cold any more. Or, uncomfortably cold, anyway.
I curled up into a ball, my arms circling my lower legs and pulling them closer to my chest; it was like I was holding myself together, almost, and I couldn't stop. I fought back tears because I had to, and buried my face in my pillow, sighing deeply. I drew my head back before slamming it forward again into the pillow, able to feel the cold and hard ground below it, and a dull ache began to form in the front of my head. It didn't really hurt, per se, it was more just the thought that it should hurt. I stopped after a minute or two, panting raggedly- not from the exertion, but from my own feelings. "What am I doing?!" I groaned, rubbing my face against the material of the pillow, tears leaking freely from the corner of my eyes, no longer in my control. I was avoiding all of my friends – because I couldn't control my stupid urges! How weak was I, to choose this way out?
Of course, I knew it was for the best- that they were safer without me, and it was just my killer subconscious that wanted me back with them so it could wait for the opportune moment to strike out and hurt them, but it was making a very persuasive argument inside my head. I was weak, whichever way you looked at it- and I hated being weak. I'd always been weak, my mother had drilled that into my head at an early age- not that I usually took anything my mother said all that seriously, but after a while, it started to get to you; eat away at you, until you were exactly what she said you were- and that's what had happened to me. After so long of being told I was weak, I became weak.
I hated it, but there was nothing I could do- there was no option to just, 'be stronger'. With someone like me, after I become weak, there's no going back... and I've been weak for a very, very long time. I hate it, and I hate myself for it, especially when I see how strong everyone around me is, and it makes it impossible to ignore the fact that I'm not. I'm not them. I'm weak, and unwanted, and horrible in every single way- and I've always been like this, ever since I was kid- ever since I was born. Hell, probably even before that. Something was rotten in me at my very core- came out wrong, and so did I.
Here I was, curled up under some blankets in an empty passage, while my friends worried about me. I was scaring them, and all I needed to do was suck it up and keep my urges in check, but I was too weak to even do that... so I avoided them like the plague. I knew that, eventually, they would find me- but I also knew that the longer I put it off, the better it would be for their health... and that was all I really cared about at the moment. If I couldn't spend time with them, then I could at least protect them from afar- from myself, and anything else that might come at them. Which, knowing them... was only inevitable.
(A/N): So, what did you think?
This chapter has had edits made to it on 1/3/24 - formatting, and reconfiguring of sentences so they make a bit more sense. I also changed Leo saying he was ugly to him saying that he was unwanted, since I feel like that fits his character better, and his anxieties. Like, yeah- Leo doesn't understand why people think he's attractive, but he doesn't particularly dwell on that? What he does dwell on, is his insecurity about why people want to be around him in general, which can be related to that, or can lead to him not understanding why people want to be his friend, or more involved than that, as we see later in the story.