THE FIRST TIME

CHAPTER FIVE - DOWN IN A HOLE

"Down in a hole, and I don't know if I can be saved

See my heart, I decorate it like a grave"

ALICE IN CHAINS (From the album "Dirt" (1992))

"If you leave, don't bother coming back, Abby! I mean it this time!"

Those were the last words Abby heard her mom say (or to be more correct, screamed at her) after they'd had yet another of the untold number of arguments, that had practically become the only times, they spoke to one another. As she stood there out by the street, trying to figure out her what her next move would be, more of the low points of the things her mom said during their fight, kept playing through her mind.

"Why do you think no one will ever like you and you have no friends? It's because you're a selfish little bitch, Abby!"

"The only reason why I allow you to live here, is because I'm forced to! If it was entirely up to me, I would have kicked your sorry, ungrateful ass out on the street months ago!"

"I wish, we'd never had you! Life would have been so much better, if I'd only had that abortion, like I wanted to!"

Not exactly what any kid wants to hear from their parents, is it? For Abby, hearing those depressing things said about herself, had sadly become an everyday event and she was starting to wonder, if her mom saying those things to her weren't just to make herself feel better over the horribleness of her situation, by taking it out on the one person, who had no choice except to take it, since she had no place else to go.

For now, however, what she needed was a place to stay for the night and with the ominous sound of thunder being faintly heard in the distance, it wasn't as if she had more going for her in the way of time, than she had when it came to places to stay.

Movie night at Dawson's. Four words that had pretty much become synonymous with Pacey's childhood and usually a nice way to end the day, after the strenuous parts of it were over and done with. On this evening though, it felt more like it was his girlfriend's excuse to avoid being alone with him. Ever since their "near miss" in the storeroom a handful of days earlier, she'd obviously been coming up with excuses, as to why they had to do things with other people all of the time and it made him worry, that he'd already messed things up by moving too fast with her. Of course, he could attempt to talk to her about it, but if he did that, he would also be sure to get a clear answer, as to whether she regretted, what they'd done or not. If she did, it would taint what had been arguably the highlight of his life so far, right up there with their first evening together and he wasn't sure, he was ready to hear something like that. Being with her was like a dream come true every time, so if it didn't feel that same way to her anymore, he had a feeling that it could be the thing, that broke him.

After himself, Dawson, Jen and Joey had held a mini-marathon of favorite movies from their childhood, that Jen hadn't seen yet (consisting of them watching "Goonies", "The Wiz" and "Bugsy Malone", in that exact order), they'd broken up the video watching party for the evening, so all of them could get home before the thunderstorm that had been promised for that night, would take over the streets of his hometown and no doubt leave them deserted, until it continued on its journey to wreak havoc somewhere else. Seeing as he barely saw anyone on the first part of the journey, it looked like the people of Capeside had all been given ample warning too, that this wasn't the evening or night for any outdoors activities.

Given that he still had plenty of time (and little desire to come home earlier, than he absolutely had to), he decided to take the longer, but far more scenic route home, passing down by the pier and the beach. During the summer, it would often be thick with tourists and on those, he usually tried to stay as far away from it, as he could. This evening it was a different story and after he hadn't seen anyone on the beach or the first part of the pier, he hadn't expected to see anyone there, when he saw what looked like a girl, huddled up and cold under a small half-roof, that they used during the tourist season to keep their life rafts dry at night.

If there was one side to Pacey, that he couldn't deny to himself, it was his hero syndrome, when it came to girls in trouble. While he didn't consider himself a full out Brandon Walsh, there was just something in him that made him want to help them, whenever he could see that they needed it. It wasn't even a sexual thing or because he wanted to get with them either, only about the feeling of inner satisfaction from knowing that he'd done something he could be proud of, for someone who was grateful that he'd done so. Perhaps this was why, when most guys would have just shrugged at the sight of that girl and gone on with their business, he instead made his way over there to see if there was anything he could do to help this poor homeless girl.

As he approached her however, he saw that this wasn't just any girl. He knew this girl, although not for anything he wanted to ever think about again.

After Abby had given up on the idea of going to Jen's house, seeing as they'd only had a few conversations so far and showing up there now to ask for a roof over her head for the evening would be pushing it a little too far, she'd gone down to the pier to a place that she often went to, whenever she wasn't on her mother's good graces and needed a place to hide out for a while. Often people of the town would see her down there, but it wasn't like any of them would ever bother to ask why she was there by herself, probably looking like a mess and like, she could really use someone to talk to. It was kind of a surprise to her then, when a shadowy figure made her way over to her and for a moment, she started to look for escape routes, in case this was someone, who didn't have entirely honorable intentions with her.

"Are you okay, Abby?" she heard the voice say and immediately recognized it as Pacey's, the boyfriend of her worst rival, Joey Potter.

"Why would you care, Pacey? Just leave me alone!" she told him off, yet it didn't seem to help, since he came into clear view and to her surprise, actually looked concerned for her.

"I would, but is that really what you want, when there's a thunderstorm coming?" he asked her and she had to admit, that she'd completely forgotten about the storm, in spite of them having been warned about it at school earlier that day. This was just what she needed!

"Great! I guess, I'll be coming to school wet tomorrow!" she told him, while shaking her head.

"You can't go home to your mom? It has to be better than being out here all night".

"I can't. We had a fight, so I'm "Persona Non Grata" back home, until she sobers up. If you tell Joey about it, I'm sure she'll laugh her ass of at the thought of me, all alone here, wet and miserable".

"She doesn't hate you that much! At least, I'm pretty sure, she doesn't. Okay, so maybe she does, but I don't, and I'd feel like I was the world's biggest asshole, if I just left you here" he said with a small smile, that made her think to herself, that perhaps he wasn't lying about it either.

"Since I'm fresh out of options, I'm willing to listen" she told him back with a small smile on her face to match his.

He couldn't bring Abby home without it leading to a bunch of questions, that he didn't feel like answering and there weren't any guarantees, that his dad wouldn't just throw her out on the street, no matter what he said, which only left him with one realistic option, the video store. His plan had been to drop Abby off there, lock up and come back early the day after, so he could let her out in good time before school started, but the weather gods apparently had other plans and by the time they got there, it was already pouring down and both of them were close to being soaked to the bone. With no hope of it letting up or anyone being willing to come and give him a ride home, he had to face the fact that himself and a girl, he'd always more or less loathed through his association with Joey, would be getting a whole lot better acquainted over the night that was to come.

Firstly, they needed to change into some dry clothes though, and thankfully there were entire boxes of employee t-shirts in all adult sizes for them to choose from.

"I'm guessing that you're a size small?" Pacey asked Abby, while rummaging through boxes to get to the one with S written on it.

"That's one thing, I can't run away from! Thanks for doing this, Pacey. In spite of you know ... everything!" she told him and as he turned around to smile at her, memories of the short-lived crush she'd had on him a few years earlier (at a time when who she was crushing on could easily change from day to day or even minute to minute) started flooding back to her. As little as she wanted to admit it too, she couldn't deny feeling a tiny bit of envy at Joey, for being the first one to bag him.

Honestly, she hadn't thought that "always play it safe" tomboy had it in her, to do anything that daring and when she'd seen them kissing that first time, she even had to admit to admiring her a bit for it. A very tiny bit!

"I'm a lot of things, Abby, and I know that all of them aren't things you want to be known for, but you can't say that I've ever been a jerk towards girls. Even those with a questionable record that almost matches my own" he joked smilingly and threw her a t-shirt to try on. "I should give my parents a call and tell them, I'll be staying here tonight. If you want to give your mom a call ..."

"She wouldn't give a hoot what happens to me either way, so why bother? You don't think, you can get your dad to pick you up?" she asked him, and his dry chuckle told her, that perhaps they weren't as different, as she'd been thinking they were.

"At this time of the evening? He has trouble enough sobering up for when his shift starts in the morning! My mom had her driver's license revoked last year, thanks to her third DUI in two years. That only leaves my brother Doug and since I don't feel any particular need to spend the rest of the evening listening to him finding new ways of calling me a dumbass, you're stuck with me, like it or not, miss Morgan!" he stated matter-of-factly in a way, that only barely hid how frustrated he was with his family life.

"At least, you have a family, Pacey. Ever since my mom started her downward spiral, it's as if the rest of our family have started treating us, like we have the plague. Families sure suck sometimes, don't they?" she asked him sadly and somehow it made her feel a little less alone in the world, when he nodded in agreement with her.

"On the plus side, we have a whole video store full of entertainment to choose from, so how's that for looking at the glass as half full?" he semi-rhetorically asked her, before heading out the door and letting her change her clothes in peace.

"Isn't that a novel concept?" she mused to herself, before taking her wet shirt off, soon to be replaced with a far more comfortable and not to mention, much dryer one.

After a lengthy discussion, that also constituted more talking time between them, than had ever taken place before this, they settled on watching "The Breakfast Club", seeing as Abby apparently hadn't watched it before.

"Our Saturday detention was more fun than theirs! Where's the kissing games or me getting to ogle you and Dawson in your gym shorts?" Abby quipped, before stuffing her mouth with a handful of popcorn from their shared bowl.

"Ah, the kissing games! Who can forget that day, where you forced me to kiss Jen, while I had to watch Joey and Dawson's first kiss far more up close, than I ever would have wanted to? Thanks so much for that!"

"You could have just said no! Anyway, I remember how you much you and Jen both clearly liked that kiss, like it was yesterday! I bet you spanked your monkey to the thought of that a few times afterwards, am I right?" she asked him teasingly and although he didn't feel like she had a right to know, he also had to stamp out any rumors of anything between himself and Jen, before they could reach Joey's ears.

"There's nothing going on between us, apart from her being my girlfriend's friend and for that reason alone, I'm friendly with her" he tried telling her, but it didn't look like she was buying it.

"You can't tell me that as a guy your age, whose natural instincts it is to spread your seed to as many available females as you can, you haven't jerked off to the thought of having a three-way with both of them at least a few times! I know how you guys think, Pacey! It isn't as if you make it all that hard to tell!" she fired back and for whatever reason, he felt the need to win this argument now. It also slowly began to make him see, why his girlfriend couldn't let Abby win an argument either.

"You think it's that easy, huh? What am I thinking of right now?" he asked her tauntingly.

"Sex. Now that I've put the thought in your head, you won't be able to get it out again. Just admit it!" she said triumphantly and even if he didn't want to admit it, the girl was absolutely right in what she was saying.

"No!" he lied. "I was trying to remember what happened to the guy, who plays the principal in the movie".

"You're so lying, Pacey! You don't think us girls have that naughty little word in the backs of our minds all the time too? I can tell you for a fact that if you haven't had sex with Joey yet, then it's as sure as people saying amen in church, that it's been on her mind constantly, since you guys hooked up for the first time. She knows how exactly lucky she is, believe me!"

"I'm the lucky one out of us. I know that she probably isn't topping your list of favorite girls at school, but she is pretty amazing at well ... everything she does" he said without a word of doubt in his voice.

"Don't let it go to your head, but as far as boys your age go, you're kind of a huge catch, despite your many shortcomings, Pacey. If Joey hadn't been the first one to snag you up, it wouldn't have been long until some other girl had. Even if we've only just begun on this crazy journey, known as our romantic lives, us girls aren't all entirely blind to a good thing, when we see it" she told him in a way, that looked to him as if it was from the heart.

"I'm a catch, huh?" he asked her back with a smile so cocky, that it could put Tom Cruise's in "Cocktail" to shame. "How would I compare to someone like Cliff or Chris?"

"Cliff is a total bore, whom it's physically impossible for to talk about anything except for himself! You're so far ahead of him in every category, it isn't even funny! Chris is your basic, stereotypical narcissist, who thinks he's a lot hotter than he is, not to mention that he's a disgusting, sexist pig to the core. Again, you win by a landslide!"

"What about say ... Dawson?"

"You mean the fifteen-year-old, who's going on thirty? He slightly beats you in the looks category, but as far as the rest of them go, it isn't much of a competition. Plus, I can't imagine that he would have been as nice to me, as you have been tonight. If you want the truth, I can't remember when anyone has ever done something this kind for me" she confided in him and much like when he felt like he was making Joey's life better by showering her with his love, it made him feel immensely satisfied to hear Abby say those words.

"If you want to find a way of thanking me, you could call off your bet with Joey. We both know that she won't do it, no matter how much I plead with her to, so the only way, I can think of is ..."

"You got it. I'll do it in school tomorrow, okay?" she told him, just as the sound of Bender falling through the ceiling in the movie coincided with a loud crack of thunder outside and it made her shiver a little. Being the natural born and bred nice guy that he was, it only made him all the more thankful, that he'd been able to do this for her and that she wasn't out there alone, wet and cold, something he could say was entirely to his own credit.

After they'd finished watching the movie, they'd gone to sleep at their respective bedtime quarters for the night. Her lying on a pile of t-shirts in the storeroom and him in the same chair he usually sat in, whenever he was at work. One thing they were lacking was an alarm clock, and it was thanks to being without one that by the time he shook her awake, they'd already slept through most of their first class of the day. Even though they scrambled all they could, to quickly tidy up and get there in as short a time as possible, they still couldn't make it to school, until midway through their second class of the day. Just to their bad luck it was yet another demoralizing round of being treated like they were idiots by Mr. Peterson, who on top of that was infamous for being by far the strictest teacher in school, when it came to his students being late. It was therefore with little hope of getting out of this easily that she opened the door to his classroom, where they could already hear the old closet sadist speaking from inside.

END OF CHAPTER FIVE