Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all fantastic.

Welcome back to the "terrible choices were made" timeline. This conversation takes place about a day after the last one in this timeline.

Text message key: Pepper Pot is Pepper Potts Stark. Tony is Tony because it's his phone. Have I mentioned yet in one of these notes that I'm never doing "me" again as a text message ID? I've been helping with translating the first story into Chinese, and I've learned from my many mistakes.

Conversation 15: Coparenting the Tony and Pepper Way

Pepper pot: So, for planning purposes, are you going to be staying at the compound overnight again? I want to know if I should have Hunter bring the kids into the city.

Pepper pot: Mr. Hunter is an excellent nanny, but even I don't think he wants to do two overnights with our children completely alone.

Tony: Especially when one kid can tell you about your past, present, and future. He wasn't exactly happy to find pictures of what looked like a threesome between him, Simmons, and the deceased Fitz. Although that doesn't seem as far-fetched now. It's been a weird few days.

Pepper Pot: Exactly. I would go to them except with Deke MIA and you trying to get him back, I'm not able to take Morgan time off right now. So, they should come here.

Tony: Which would be a relief to Hunter. I'm sure Hunter would prefer hunting Hydra again to more than 48 continuous hours with the kids by himself.

Pepper pot: No problem. I'll call him. Do you know how many days you might be gone?

Tony: I don't know. The mission is different now. It's gone from trying to get the stones to getting Laura back to her own timeline/dimension and Deke back to us. I already figured out time travel GPS, but that's not what happened according to what she told us before throwing up. Unfortunately, Simmons's notes are pretty much indecipherable. It's hard to fix something when you're not sure what you're trying to fix.

Pepper pot: That hard?

Tony: Never tried to decipher the scientific writings of a chronically depressed alcoholic who's obsessed with her dead lover. The only stuff I can understand are the notes that she wrote to Fitz, or I guess we're supposed to call him Leo. This whole situation is a mind fuck.

Pepper pot: I'm an expert at this point in deciphering the drunk ramblings of a genius inventor. It's been a couple years, but I might be able to help. You could have Friday send them to me.

Tony: No, that's okay. I don't want to get you involved.

Pepper pot: I'm already involved, and you didn't even ask.

Tony: You're mad at me.

Pepper pot: I'm not mad at you.

Tony: I feel like you are despite the fact you said that I could help with this.

Pepper pot: I want you to help. I really would like my chief creative officer/R&D head back.

Tony: That's because you don't want to tell the board he's trapped in 2018, the better version.

Pepper pot: I'm never telling them that. I would prefer not to get locked out of the company before Morgan is old enough to take over.

Tony: You have a point. What did you tell the board?

Pepper pot: That he's going to consider their suggestion that he go to grad school. He's on a private campus tour to check out a few doctorate programs.

Tony: They bought that?

Pepper pot: They don't like the fact that Deke doesn't have a doctorate.

Tony: They don't even know that he doesn't have any degree at all, let alone that he won't be born for another 30 years. You know if his grandfather didn't disappear.

Pepper pot: Maybe when you were creating his new identity, you could have put a doctorate in there instead of just the master's degree.

Tony: I think Daisy put most of his fake background together before. The only thing he changed was his last name to Fitzsimmons. I think it was his way of honoring his late grandfather.

Tony: BTW, according to the special house guest, he wasn't dead; he was just bounced back in time and created a new branch timeline. Therefore, time GPS is essential.

Pepper pot: My head hurts so much right now.

Tony: I brought out the industrial-strength Tylenol. I think it might be worse for me.

Pepper pot: How can it be worse?

Tony: My other self is engaged to Steve in the alternate timeline because, apparently, the fate of the world hinges on us being on speaking terms.

Pepper pot: What?

Tony: Shit! I didn't mean to send that part. Sorry. I haven't slept in like 24 hours. You know I send weird text messages when I don't sleep.

Pepper pot: You can't take back the fact that your other self married Steve.

Tony: It wasn't me.

Pepper pot: But don't you wish it was you?

Tony: I don't think I should answer that question. Otherwise, I'm going to end up on the couch for the next month.

Pepper pot: You've been on the metaphorical couch since before Morgan was born. It's why we have separate houses and bedrooms. I'm not stupid, Tony.

Pepper pot: It's obvious where you stand on him considering that you have Steve listed currently as DILF, a.k.a. dad I like to fuck in your address book. Before that, it was America's ass. Let's not even talk about how you acted when he got married. I'm not stupid, Tony.

Tony: A lot of mistakes were made. I'm sorry I accused you of fucking someone else when I found out you were pregnant. I said a lot of things to you that day that I shouldn't have.

Pepper pot: I understand you thought you were sterile. I thought you were sterile. It's why I wasn't worried when I was not able to get my favorite birth control due to the rationing right after the decimation.

Tony: I'm still sorry. I know you wouldn't cheat on me. I was just being a dick. It's my default setting when I'm scared. Nothing terrifies me more than children.

Tony: Okay, nothing terrifies me more than a situation where I can end up becoming Howard. You know I never want to become Howard.

Pepper pot: I accept your apology for the 50th time. Why are you bringing this up again? I thought we moved past it.

Tony: Remember when I told you about our new timeline refugee Laura from the good timeline. That Tony decided to get a child through science and made an LMD baby or rather teenager because New York State wouldn't let him adopt either.

Pepper pot: That's unfortunate. You're a good dad.

Tony: It's okay. He's allowed to be a foster parent now—a foster parent to Flash of all people, but still a foster parent. When we were talking about that, I think I figured out how Morgan came to be.

Pepper pot: You said it was the stones.

Tony: Which is what I told Laura, and then she pointed out that magically healing my sperm count doesn't exactly go along with the purple asshole's MO.

Pepper pot: That makes sense.

Tony: Therefore, there had to be another reason. Something that furthers the prick's goals.

Tony: You know I was reluctant to help with operation time heist.

Pepper pot: Because you don't want to risk accidentally wiping Morgan out of existence. Which I agree with because I don't want my daughter to be wiped out of existence.

Tony: You will be happy to know Steve doesn't want to wipe out all the babies born in the last five years out of existence, either. So, our kid is safe.

Tony: Also, Robin would probably kick him in the nuts if he got rid of her best friend.

Pepper pot: It would probably be best to avoid that. Robin keeps saying that they're going to end up sisters someday. Which makes sense because it happened in another timeline, sort of.

Tony: Just because something happened in one time doesn't mean that it will happen here. Too many bridges have been burned to ash.

Pepper pot: They can always be rebuilt. You managed to get back on speaking terms with me before Morgan was born. Which you now apparently believe happened because Thanos didn't want you to help undo his master plan.

Tony: You're good. I mean, it makes sense. I retired because of Morgan.

Pepper pot: You retired because of your health issues and because you didn't want to see Steve married to someone else.

Tony: We both know it is a marriage of convenience, and no, it was Morgan. Howard was murdered when I was 21 because of his work with Shield. You know I try to avoid being Howard, and I don't want to put myself at risk.

Pepper pot: Yet you are at the compound right now. Is it because of Steve?

Tony: I don't want to keep raising Morgan in this broken world where mommy and daddy pretend to be engaged. Maybe I don't want her to see me almost on the verge of tears whenever I hear the name Peter. We couldn't even have the Peter rabbit books in the house.

Pepper pot: Morgan was furious about that.

Tony: I know. I just want things to be better. I need to try.

Pepper pot: Okay. I promise I'll support you. We're still friends.

Tony: Also, the situation is different now because the time heist ended up being a time kidnapping. Before they were just getting the stones. Now I need to get a mom back to her kids so she can make sure that she doesn't lose them, and I know you want Deke back.

Pepper pot: That part, I understand. Although how does that affect things here? You said time travel is closer to Star Trek than Back to the Future?

Tony: I'm still trying to figure that out.

Pepper pot: If anybody can figure out how to solve two problems simultaneously, it's you.

Tony: I'm trying anyway. I need to go. Laura, from the good timeline, just showed up in my lab with coffee. Give the babies my love.

Pepper pot: Will do. I'll never separate you from your coffee. I'll talk to you soon.

Xxx

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. It's just you've been down a while. I thought you could use some coffee." She was carrying one of the extra-large cups along with a granola bar. Bless her.

"Thank you. I would've made a cup myself, but apparently, the machine down here has been replaced with a minibar." He was not happy to find that earlier.

"Do we have time to stage an intervention?" He knew Laura was serious too. They tried to get Simmons to go with them to an AA meeting yesterday after the disastrous all-hands meeting where she threw up on Laura, but they were unsuccessful. Tony does not want to think about how much alcohol had to be consumed for that to happen. Maybe it was stress and not just alcohol. He was too afraid to ask Friday for her BAL. It had to be at least triple the legal limit.

"We will schedule it for immediately after when we get you back home." When we get Deke back, Tony thought in his head. "As soon as I figure out what the hell she was trying to do. Because it wasn't what I was trying to do. Monolith particles were involved, I think."

"Or we can do it tomorrow. I feel like you need me for this. At a minimum, we should get the minibar out of here." Laura said, pointing to the bar.

"This is true. Inebriated inventing is dangerous." And he should know.

"And maybe have Friday reactivate the breathalyzer lab protocol," Laura suggested.

"Good idea, and I'm not going to ask how you know about that protocol."

"Remember, I am other Tony's sponsor and former sobriety coach." Laura reminded him.

"That's right." Which will be useful to deal with the Simmons situation and maybe even the Thor situation. Tony had Friday keeping tabs on the former Avenger. If the drunken rants during Frontier live streams are any indication, Laura's services are going to be needed. "Of course, this doesn't deal with the problem at hand." Focus on one crisis at a time.

"You want me to try to talk to Clint?" Laura asked.

"Natasha already tried, and she got nothing." Or at least nothing she would tell Tony.

"But he might tell me the truth?" Laura asked.

"Maybe. We tend to be more honest with our significant others."

"I'll try. Clint will probably run away from me again, but I'll try." Laura said with a sigh.

"I feel a but coming."

"If I'm going to talk to Clint or more likely text message my alternate timeline husband, then I want you and Steve to have another conversation. May I suggest breakfast tomorrow morning?"

"Steve and I have conversed. We hugged in the parking lot. I gave him the Shield. We're good now." Laura responded with an exasperated sigh.

"No. I'm sorry we're going to need more than one good conversation for you and Steve to work through the mountain of bull shit that is your relationship. Remember, I've lived through this once. It took a while with less shit to work through."

"We've had more than one conversation." Tony is almost sure that Laura started mumbling the serenity prayer under her breath.

"Yesterday's all Avengers meeting doesn't actually count either." Laura rolled her eyes at him. "There was a lot of touching and awkward eye contact, but not a lot of actual talking."

"There was not a lot of touching," Tony argued back.

"Friday, sweetie, how many times did Tony touch Steve yesterday during the meeting?" Laura asked the AI.

"22 times, including removing cookie crumbs from Steve's mouth twice." The AI answered.

"It's a dad reflex," Tony argued, knowing better.

"And how many times did Steve touch Tony?" Laura asked.

"23 times, including caressing his thigh four times." At Friday's response, Tony was profoundly regretting giving Laura Friday privileges again.

"He's married, and I'm engaged to Pepper," Laura responds with a glare.

"Fine, I will do breakfast or maybe lunch with the good Capt. tomorrow. Just talk to your husband to figure out what happened."

"Thank you."

To be continued

Spoiler alert: This A/N contains spoilers for AOS season 7, especially episode 7.4. Basically, this is an update on how the timeline will work in the story. It turns out we are a bit more of a branch timeline than I initially thought.

I absolutely love season seven of AOS, and it's probably my favorite. (Sorry UK fans who haven't got to see it yet.) That being said, not that much will be used in this story. Mostly what I'm planning to use is related to additional guidance on how the rules of time travel work in the MCU multiverse. As well as some of the background information that can still apply to the current timeline. This is because that season is in a different branch of the multiverse than this story. Somehow this story takes place in a timeline where Hydra didn't kill Daniel in 1955, and somehow, he found his way back to Peggy. How did that happen? What does that mean? (Other than I can't have my new favorite ship in the story.) You're just going to have to sit back and enjoy.