Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last chapter. You are the absolute best.
I now present the conclusion of the 36 questions that lead to love.
Warning: This chapter does contain a plot point spoiler for
WandaVision. Also, some information about post-snap life we discovered in Falcon and the Winter Soldier was used to make some of the creative decisions in this chapter.
In-person conversation five: Breakthrough
Since the snap happened, Steve found driving peaceful. Less traffic, for one thing. Of course, this drive wasn't peaceful because he was lost in his own thoughts. Although wondering if Tony was freaking out about his Instagram confession was better than contemplating his impending divorce and the implosion of his family. What would the custody arrangement even look like? Polly asked Melinda to take Robin. If they divorce, would she just leave with Robin, and he would never see his daughter again? Would the Khans just take Kamala away as soon as they returned? Would he lose both of his daughters? The thought made him sick.
"Oh, thank God." Tony's mumble words broke Steve out of his thoughts.
"Good news, we have a therapist," Tony said, smiling at him.
"That's good. We definitely need help. Maybe we got too focus on fixing things to realize that…" Steve trailed off, not sure how to articulate everything he's been thinking about for the last half an hour.
"Snapping our fingers won't fix things. We'll just be broken with more people." Tony finished.
"Exactly. So we just have to fix ourselves." The problem is Steve doesn't know where to even start.
"I don't know if 'fix' is exactly the right word. Regardless, it will take a lot of work, including answering invasive icebreaker questions," Tony replied. "And maybe some medication."
"I know. Before we switched, I looked at my file." Steve remarked.
"You mean the file of other you."
"Apparently, the Princess's team managed to create antidepressants for me. He's been on them for almost 2 years." Steve wonders if his other self is as big of a mess as he is. Because he is a mess.
"Actually, I was just looking that data over. I wanted to see if the formula could be tweaked for others."
"Thor?" Steve asked.
"It was a possibility I considered. Sometimes you need a little help. Or potentially a lot of help."
"True."
"And I think we're going to need him because we know that the blue bobble was stolen from the refugee ship and Loki was the one that brought it there but not much else. That's what Laura's team on the other side needs. Especially because apparently, May's daughter is with Thor."
It took Steve a moment to realize exactly who Tony was talking about. He meant Daisy. The one May watched disappear right in front of her. The child that she called out for in the middle of the night.
"And we need to help make sure she gets Daisy back safely."
"We do, but that's something to work out when we get back to the compound." He knows Tony's right. Steve just hates being useless.
"Do you want to finish the last six questions?" Steve suggested.
"We should. We managed to get this far. I hate leaving things unfinished."
"So do I," Steve replied back.
"Question 30 is about the last time you cried. It asked in front of other people or privately but let's just go with crying in general. Besides, I think we both started to tear up earlier with some of the questions, which is why I decided we should take a break." Tony's babbling, but Steve finds it endearing.
"This morning when May asked for a divorce. I'm glad you interrupted me to ask me a question because otherwise, I might still be in that room crying." Steve might actually start crying while driving if he keeps thinking about everything that will change with the end of his marriage.
"Glad I could help. And, of course, you are going to cry at a moment like that. Anyone would start crying at the end of their marriage. Even if it was a friendship marriage. Maybe even more because it's a friendship marriage."
"We were happy. Now everything's going to change. What if May takes Robin with her? Polly left Robin to her. I'm going to end up alone, and I don't want to be alone again."
"Changes are not always bad. You're not going to be alone. You'll be at the cabin with me." Tony said, placing a reassuring hand on Steve's shoulder.
"That's true."
"Also, I know you're scared. I was terrified that Pepper would keep me away from Morgan because of how badly I screwed up. However, we were able to work out an amicable custody arrangement. May will not cheat Robin out of quality Morgan time. She definitely won't cheat you out of quality Robin time. Your name is on that adoption certificate. If you need them, my lawyers are there for you."
"Thank you. I hope you're right, but I still cried." Steve acknowledged.
"It's okay that you cried. It means you are just as human as the rest of us. I cried when I found out that Hydra murdered my Aunt Ana and Uncle Daniel. That they've been trying to kill my family for decades. Literally decades. Your friend was just another tool to them. Maybe I also cried because Howard lied to me for so long." Steve could hear the hitch in Tony's voice. As if he was trying not to cry again.
"Finding out the truth was a lot?" Steve asked, genuinely concerned.
"Yes. So many moments of my childhood make sense now. I'm also a little less angry at Howard for sending me to boarding school. If one of our super villains tried to kill me, and Hunter accidentally got killed instead, I would've done the same thing. I would be dropping Morgan off at boarding school the next morning to keep her safe. I would've told her, but…" Tony trailed off.
"I get it. When I discovered the truth about my dad in the shield dossier, I destroyed a punching bag. Then I cried. It probably should've been the other way around." Steve explained.
"Probably, but you are not the best at processing your emotions."
"I think I'm getting better. I did have to go through some training to become a counselor." Steve realizes that maybe he should apply some of his training to his own life and have an actual conversation with May before he keeps panicking.
"Do you like your job?"
"I feel useful, that it is something I need to be doing. However, I'm grateful that Laura is bringing in someone more qualified than me. I'm aware we need help." Not even just Simmons or Thor. He is worried about Natasha. Sometimes he's afraid she wouldn't even eat if he didn't come to the compound.
"We are going to need professional help."
"Especially me because apparently, I had an untreated adjustment disorder." And his reaction to the divorce request is making him realize that he probably still has an untreated adjustment disorder.
"It's possible you develop coping strategies," Tony suggested.
"My coping strategy was marrying May. She thinks that as long as I'm married to her, I will never completely move forward." Steve is starting to think she might be right. But how does he move forward? How does he do it without losing what he's already gained?
"So, the next question feels like something we already did with question 28. We are supposed to tell each other something we like about one another already." Tony said, and Steve is grateful that he is moving them onto safer ground.
"I'm sure they mean something other than my ass." Steve joked. He doesn't want to think about his impending divorce.
"You have a nice ass. It's America's ass." Remarked Tony.
"Tony!" Steve admonished.
"Look, I've already confessed to what I did to your propaganda poster as a preteen. And you know what your name was in my address book."
"Was?" Steve arched an eyebrow.
"I think I'm using cuddle bunny currently. Although you haven't texted me since I changed it last. I may change it again. My point is there's no reason for me to pretend I'm not sexually attracted to you. You're either aware or ridiculously oblivious."
"It's hard to stay oblivious when there's a version of us in another timeline that are engaged," Steve remarked.
"I'm good at lying to myself, but even I have my limits," Tony laughed.
"I'm also good at lying to myself, but I think I need to stop." Although in Steve's defense, he didn't think Tony would ever forgive him or want to be with him was a lie at the time.
"Maybe we could list things we want to work on instead? I definitely want us to have a better relationship." Tony suggested.
"Especially because I am apparently moving in post-divorce."
"I went through the breakup with Pepper alone every time, and it sucked. I don't want you to go through that." Tony turned to smile at him. "The last time was even worse because I was barely talking to anybody, and Rhody took Pepper's side. He said I was a jackass for thinking she cheated on me."
"You were."
"I will never argue against that point. I don't want you to go through all of this alone. But, hey, there's always rebound sex." Tony joked, and Steve could almost tell he's a little defensive. Steve is now aware enough that Tony joked when he was scared. Which was fine because Steve was terrified. But maybe he needs to stop lying.
"I don't want you to be my rebound." Steve acknowledged, shocked he said that out loud.
"I mean, I can understand…" Tony started to stammer, and Steve realizes that the man didn't understand the truth of his last statement. He doesn't want any more miscommunications between them.
"I want Robin's prediction of Morgan being her sister to become true, so that means you can't be a rebound. I want more than that."
"Which definitely means no friends with benefits." Because that was essentially his marriage and its ending because they were in love with other people.
"Exactly. I'm not doing that again," Steve expressed.
"Which means we have to work through our mountain of bull shit. Yeah, we definitely need an Avenger therapist. Maybe we should do couples therapy?" Tony suggested.
"You're serious about that?" Steve asked.
"Yes, which actually goes to the next question, which is, is there anything too serious to joke about? Even though it should be obvious at this point that I use humor as a defense mechanism. However, joking about my desire to work things through with you is not something I would do. I want to fix us, and I have for the last seven years.
"I would say Siberia is too serious to joke about, but I think you've made some Siberia jokes," Steve remarked.
"I usually refer to that whole episode as the uncivil avenger toddler squabble. Apparently, my other self calls it something similar."
"I'm not surprised. I don't joke about your death. That would just be too much." Steve answered.
"Joking about your death is also on the list. Also, the kids. That is definitely a line I won't cross." Tony replied sternly.
"Agreed."
"At this point, I want to know what my other self did to have Jane force him to do these questions. Friday, sweetie pie, do you have an answer?" Tony asked the AI.
"Jane wanted to publicly announce Peter as an Avenger after the Vulture incident. Unfortunately, that still happened in the other timeline. Happy was upset about your relationship with Steve and ignored the ATCU sanction plan to move the weapons upstate away from the kids.
"Did other me not sell the tower?" Tony asked
"It's currently being leased to the federal government for the temporary headquarters of the ATCU. Your other self lives in Queens though in a townhouse.", the AI answered, and Steve found he liked the idea of Tony living in Queens.
"Not quite the Woods but not horrible," Tony remarked.
"Friday, could you continue explaining." Steve prompted, otherwise they were going to get very sidetracked.
"The situation with Ross was a bit more volatile at that point compared to here. That Mr. Stark refused to announce Spidey's identity. His penance was to do these questions as part of a profile for the New York Times. However, after reading your responses, Jane felt it was inappropriate and scrapped the idea." The AI responded.
"That makes sense. I would've done a lot for that kid, including trying to come up with an answer for question 33."
"You would," Steve answered simply.
"Also, I feel like pre-parent me was an idiot. At the time, I did want to publicly acknowledge Peter as an Avenger. I even threw a press conference. Thankfully Peter was smarter than me and said no. But as Morgan's dad, I realize that was stupid. I'm glad other Tony figured that out sooner. Incidentally, that's how Pepper and I got engaged because Happy always carried an engagement ring.
"How bad is the question? I'm concerned that you're babbling. Wait, he always carried an engagement ring? You know he's with Pepper in the other timeline?"
"Yes. A lot of things make a hell of a lot more sense now. Obviously, he was living vicariously through me. However, I think that ship has sailed. Happy was happy with May before the snap messed everything up. At this point, I think Morgan's going to get a Fitzsimmons for a step-daddy. That's definitely going to break the half your age +7 rule since I don't even think Deke was born for another 30 years in his own timeline."
"You scare me when you babble like this," Steve remarked.
"Well, considering we both had multiple near-death experiences asking us what we would regret not saying before we go, would be a really bad question to discuss. It's not something I want to think about." Tony finally acknowledged.
"We can skip this question." Steve offered because he doesn't want to think about Tony dying again.
"Or we can talk about our last near-death experience and our biggest regret at the time. I'm sure you're going to say not getting that dance with Peggy." Tony remarked.
"Artie, actually. We had a big fight before we last parted, and I regret never fixing things. Grant, Artie's husband, said that he forgave me, but I could not believe him. Maybe before May, I would've said Peggy, but she helped me make peace with her. I have seen Melinda in so much pain because of Phil. I don't want to stay in that place. I realize I have to let go of what I never really had. Peggy was something I just built up in my head. It wasn't real. But I had Artie once upon a time, and I regret we never made peace." Steve confessed.
"Do you think that maybe by divorcing you, May is letting go of agent once and for all? You won't be her buffer anymore?" Tony asked.
"Maybe, but I think I'm also using her as a buffer."
"To protect you from what?" Tony asked. Surprisingly at that moment, the radio (Friday) started playing robot boy by Linkin Park.
"You. How I feel about you. As long as I was married to Melinda, and you thought it was a real marriage, I could keep you at arm's length." Steve confessed. "I don't want to do that anymore."
"I don't think I ever actually saw it as a real marriage because I always knew it was for custody of the kids. But I was furious at you for not coming to me to help with lawyers so you wouldn't have to get married. Now I realize it was more nuanced than that."
"It was, but you're right. We should have come to you. But you were so mad at me for my various mistakes, and I was afraid to face you. But I can't just keep running away." Steve acknowledged.
"Because then that will be another regret to have during the next near-death experience."
"Exactly," Steve replied.
"Unfortunately, I probably have a more recent near-death experience than my other self. That would be almost starving to death on the flight back before Carol saved my ass."
"I'm grateful that she saved you. We were trying to retrofit The Zephyr to come to get you with stolen Hydra/alien technology. Unfortunately, we were not going fast enough for me," Steve acknowledged.
"Good to know you had another plan. Anyway, I made recordings for all the important people in my life. Sort of a last confession. I made one for Pepper, but I made one for you too." Tony acknowledged
"What did you tell me?" Steve asked.
"That I was sorry I never sent any of the text messages that I've been writing you for the last two years. That I was so mad at you for choosing Bucky because I was in love with you." Maybe Steve should be surprised about that love confession. But he's not. It took him a while to realize it, but the other Tony and Steve were in love with each other before the timelines split. That means that he and Tony have been in love with each other since, at least before Siberia, possibly longer. Steve isn't sure when he fell in love with Tony. He just knows that he is in love with him. They are hopeless.
"I didn't choose him. I chose you. I didn't want you doing something you would regret." Steve confessed.
"I know that now. But I think if I died on that ship, my regret would be not working things out. And I got a second chance. Then I wasted five years not working on this with you." Tony sounded regretful.
"Because binge-eating churros was easier." Steve joked.
"That was so much easier than being in a car and trying to talk to you. I don't even think I would even try if I didn't know…" Tony trailed off, not sure what to say next.
"That we're getting married in another timeline." Steve supplied for him.
"Yes, because if they can work through everything, then so can we. I want to try now."
"I want to try it as well. I was so happy when I saw you on that ship. I was terrified that I lost you too, and…" Steve stopped so he could wipe the tears starting to fall. He really doesn't want to be driving and crying, but he is.
"Well, it looks like we are getting a new answer to the crying question," Tony remarked. "Which is not surprising because I think these questions are designed to make everyone cry. I hope the other Tony sent Jane a really nice apology cookie basket."
"I hope you did too," Steve remarked.
"We also need to get Laura an even better gift basket considering the next three questions." Tony sounded concerned.
"Hit me with them." It can't be that bad.
"See, this question is weird for me since this is pretty much what happened when I was an idiot and got my Malibu house blown up."
"What's the question?" Steve asked tentatively.
"Basically, after you manage to get your loved ones and pets out of the house, if you had time to go back and get one more thing, what would that thing be? I feel like this question was written before everyone found out how Jack died on This Is Us." Tony joked.
"Definitely."
"Because obviously, the answer is once everybody you love is out, you don't go back in. Nothing is worth risking your life. They are just things. It can be replaced." Tony answered.
"Although there are some pictures of my mom that I don't think I have anywhere else. I still wouldn't go back for them."
"See now I wish you what had told me that when we were closer to Brooklyn. Text your…" Steve is sure Tony was going to say your wife but stopped himself. "Text May and tell her to scan them, and I'll upload them to Friday. That way, you won't have to risk dying to get them. I really don't want you dead."
"I will. I don't want you dead either."
"That is good to know. I don't know how we managed to piss off Laura so quickly, but I think I'm going to have to get her a shoe basket. Normally wine would be next, but that would be an inappropriate present for Laura."
"This is true. I think I know what question this is. The one about what death hurt the most?" Steve asked.
"Yes," Tony answered quickly. "We're skipping this question."
"I completely agree. We've seen too many people die, and they've all hurt."
"I watched Peter die in my arms. That was the second time something like that has happened to me and it didn't make it any less awful."
"It hurts. Even if we actually undo it our pain isn't going to leave us." Steve responded.
"I think we were lying to ourselves before thinking that if we just undid the snap, everything would be fixed, but…"
"We have to fix ourselves. The stones are not going to do that. We have to do that." Steve acknowledged.
"That is so true. This brings us to question 36. We are supposed to share a problem with each other and come up with a solution. I don't think they were talking about time travel when this question was written." Tony joked.
"Or what's the most ethical way to bring back half the life in the universe." Steve has also been thinking about that since their conversation that morning.
"Is it really ethical to bring everybody back without any planning?" Tony asked.
"Do we just bring back the people who were snapped, or do we bring back everybody who died from other complications? Should we bring back Yo-Yo or Vision?" Steve added to their list of ethical dilemmas.
"Vision had a will. He didn't want to be resurrected or get turned into a science experiment." Tony explained. "I think he knew about what happened to Agent. Vision didn't want that to happen to him. This is why we're suing the hell out of Sword for the stunt they pulled in Wakanda. They were essentially grave robbing." Tony sounded furious.
"Stuff like that is why May had Phil cremated."
"Did she keep his ashes?" Tony asked.
"We scattered them in the ocean in Tahiti together," Steve explained.
"Good. And there's another ethical question. Should we bring Phil back?"
"He would hate us if we did." Although May would love for him to be back, she would respect his wishes.
"I don't think there are answers to these questions," Tony added after a quiet moment of reflection.
"We sold the Khan's house. So, if we bring them back, where are they going to live?" Steve lamented.
"This is actually one I can answer. You did sell the house, but you sold it to me. The house is empty right now after the last renter left. I still have people that can get the house ready. You put their stuff in storage, right?" Tony answered.
"Yes. It didn't feel right throwing it away." Steve answered.
"Good. Give Friday the information, and we will move all their stuff back into the house. See, I helped."
"But what about others like Peter and his aunt?" Steve asked.
"Okay, so your daughter may have convinced me that real estate was where I should make some major investments, especially because things were so cheap post-snap. I might have acquired about 15% of the greater New York area. I should probably tell my people to make places habitable because we're going to need shelter if we're bringing everyone back soon."
"Yes. You bought up real estate because Robin told you to?" Steve asked incredulously.
"She put forth a solid case." Steve really shouldn't glare at Tony when he is driving, but he does anyway. "Plus, you know I hate seeing things abandoned and dilapidated. I had to do something during my retirement, and real estate seemed like a good idea. Although I'm going to give a lot of it to the Jarvis foundation. Homelessness is going to be a big problem. We can turn a lot of those places into shelters."
"We're just going to have to take it one thing at a time. And you can't fix everything." Steve reminded him. "But knowing you, you're going to still try." Tony snorted.
"I'm working on that."
To be continued...