Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are all lovely. I originally wanted this to be part of the previous section. However, it would've made things ridiculously long, and I opted to break it into its own section.

Note on in-universe continuity: The letter below was written two days before Leo's heart-to-heart with Hunter about kids. That will be important. I actually considered re-jiggling things around so that you would see this letter before, but that meant I would have to separate the second part of the chapter. I felt it was better to see everything together instead of having a few chapters in between, especially after waiting several months to see the letter after I first mentioned it.

This is the first chapter I did any work on after No Way Home came out. As a result, I added a few things to make me feel better.

Also, a reminder that Bobbi and Laura are decomposite characters in the story and have been long before Hawkeye episode six. I've been taking things from comic book 616 Bobbi to use for Laura since the beginning of my series. So in a way, I feel vindicated.

Mood music: In between by Linkin Park

The chapter title also comes from that song.

Email 3: Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

Dear Jemma:

I'm sorry. I don't know any other way to start this letter than with an apology. I really am sorry. Although I'm sure, those words seemed empty to you. I should've checked to see if I caused a timeline branch. I just assumed I was overwriting the original timeline. That there was no way for me to go home. In hindsight, obviously, I was wrong.

You always said to make the best of the situation you find yourself in. That's what I tried to do. That meant preventing this world from breaking apart and then stopping the purple monster from snapping us out of existence. We are still working on that. Although at least we have help, and we know what not to do.

I hope my choices make things better. The accords are gone. I also don't think inhuman internment camps will happen here. Coulson is still alive and with May. Our other selves are married and just celebrated their first wedding anniversary today. Alastair attempted to crash that and try to kill me. Don't worry, he's dead now.

I'm very thankful Alastair will never get to meet his brand-new grandbaby on the way. I found out yesterday that Simmons is pregnant. I'm pleased about becoming an uncle. I don't think Hunter and I will ever have children. So this is the closest I will get to having a kid. It's for the best anyway, with me being the CCO of Stark industries and running the UN Avengers in my spare time. How would I make time? I don't want to be an absentee parent.

Plus, Hunter never wanted to have kids with Bobbi. He even offered to have a vasectomy. So, we're just going to be the best uncles. It will be enough. Hunter is enough.

I'm not sorry for Hunter. Not for being with him and not for falling in love with him. I don't think you'll hold that part against me. It makes it easier knowing that you're with him too in the other timeline. That you understand what I see in him. We always had very similar taste in men. It makes complete sense that we're with the same man.

The fact that I moved forward doesn't mean I don't love you. Because I always will. You are part of me. But I love Hunter too. I'm hoping that you really understand that. His charm grows on a person.

That being said, I miss you. I adore the Simmons here. She is my dear friend and sister-in-law, but I don't see her as you. She may be a variant of you, but she is not you. Our experiences make us who we are. I never did propose to her on a Space station in the future. You and gamma timeline Simmons are definitely not the same. I always call her Simmons, but you are my Jemma.

As much as I miss you, I know I need to stay here in this timeline. More importantly, I don't want to go back, not permanently at least. I know I am hurting you by saying that. I don't want to, but I know I will. I can't leave Hunter. Again, I'm sorry.

I take solace in the fact that there is another version of me in your timeline. I'm going to do everything in my power to bring him back to you and Hunter. I owe you that much. Maybe together, you can have the happy ending that you deserve. I want you and your Hunter to have that.

PS: Hunter, I trust you completely. I always have. Don't worry about my other self coming back. The feelings were there before I was frozen. I just didn't contemplate there was an option where I could be with both of you. Prove other me wrong.

Xxx

Evening October 17, 2023, Avenger Compound

beta timeline

"Why didn't you give this to me when it arrived?" Simmons asked, looking up from her Stark pad. They were sitting in her room in the medical wing. Dr. Cruz wasn't ready for her to move back into her old room. Neither was Jemma, if she was honest with herself. She might just stay with Hunter once she's released. She's happier there in his room.

"Because I wanted you to at least make it to two days sober. And even I wanted a drink after reading this Sunday night." Hunter told her.

"You can. I don't expect you to abstain as well."

"No, we're in this together. I even got rid of my emergency glass." Hunter wrapped his fingers around hers.

"Because I already got rid of your emergency alcohol. You haven't restocked it in at least a year." Jemma pointed out.

"I may have gotten tired of you nicking the good stuff. Also, I realized it's probably best not to have alcohol around when your boss is a recovering alcoholic. He has bad days too."

"I know. I'm glad Tony decided not to go to Norway. I rather he be here so I could talk to him instead of dealing with the Thor issue." Simmons is well aware she's not the only one in this group with problems. But she wants Tony to herself right now.

"It's still something we have to deal with just here instead of in Norway. He'll be here in the morning." Hunter explained.

"Probably in the bed next to mine."

"I don't know if he's ready for that yet. I think he's coming more to help prevent his brother's death in the other timeline than to get well."

"It doesn't work if you're not ready to commit. You think that if you fix the thing that went wrong, you'll be OK, but it doesn't work that way." She realizes that now after going through the hell that is detox.

"Don't think about that. Just focus on you."

"I became obsessed with fixing what happened. If I got Fitz back, then everything would be OK. I didn't consider that maybe he wouldn't want to come back."

He chose Hunter over her. Maybe if it was someone else, she would be furious. But she can't be angry that he fell in love with Hunter because that would make her a hypocrite.

"I think he would've come back if there wasn't the other Fitz." Hunter started rubbing gentle circles on her back.

"No, he loves you too much to leave you. I understand that." Jemma whispered.

"Would you feel different if it was someone else?" Hunter asked.

"He would come back if it was anybody else. But it is you that he fell in love with. I love you, so I understand. I don't want to leave you either. Not when we get our Fitz back." She told him as much before but not sober.

"You love me?" Hunter asked, confused. Jemma honestly doesn't remember if she's told him that before. If she did, he obviously didn't believe her because she was inebriated at the time. That's another consequence of her alcoholism.

"I have for a while. It's just taken me a while to reconcile that. How could I love you if I still love Fitz? How can I have feelings for both of you? Does that mean I'm letting him go or giving up hope of ever getting him back? Every time I started to feel something for you, I would feel guilty. Then I would just throw myself harder into the project." She confessed.

"You don't have to do that. It's OK." Hunter pulled her into a hug.

"I'm starting to realize that. Working with Dr. Cruz is helping." Her father was wrong. It helped to actually deal with problems, not lock them away.

"Is knowing that he's alive in the other timeline helping?" Hunter asked.

"It does. It's better for him to be happy with someone else in another timeline than be dead."

"True," Hunter placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Dr. Cruz thinks I should write to him. She made the suggestion before you even showed me the letter. She believes it will give me closure." She makes a face at the word closure. Just saying the word makes her think of Ward even though it's been years since he died.

"Do you want to write to him?" Hunter asked.

"Not yet. I need a little more time, but I think you should write Fitz." Jemma suggested.

"Why? I'm a little annoyed at him. He didn't even write a letter to me, just added a postscript to your letter. I feel like I should have my own letter." Jemma laughed at his words.

"You should tell him that. You should also tell him that you didn't want to have kids with Bobbi, but that was because of Bobbi. You actually do want children because you love children."

"How do you know that?" Hunter asked, surprised.

"In addition to not freaking out when I told you about my pregnancy scare, you never offered to get a vasectomy. Maybe you should have because I'm a drunk mess."

"You're in recovery."

"I am still a mess. I'm still a drunk. I'm just a sober drunk right now."

"You're trying. That's what matters to me. I'm not leaving you behind. I'll support you any way you need me to." He pulled her closer to him again.

"I believe that. OK, I need you to write to Fitz because I'm not ready yet. I'm not even ready to write to Deke, let alone Fitz. However, I want him to have a response from us even if it's not from me," Jemma explained.

"I will write to him for you." Hunter leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips this time. "Just so you know, there's a video too."

"I'm not ready to watch that yet." She's not ready to see him happy and in love with someone else, even if she loves the same person. "Maybe before I write my letter but not yet."

"I understand."

Xxx

Dear Fitz:

Be grateful the letter didn't start with "dear arsehole." I should have got my own letter. You're probably disappointed it's me writing this instead of Simmons, but she's not ready to talk to you yet. She's not even prepared to write to Deke yet. Neither I nor her therapist Dr. Cruz will force her to do something she's not ready for yet.

She just got out of detox because Jemma finally agreed to get help for her drinking problem. I'm sure Deke told you how bad it's gotten. We're focusing on that right now. Although knowing that you're alive in the other timeline is helping her move forward. I know it's helping me.

I was told to specifically let you know that Jemma accepts your apology. I accept it, too, although I'm still a little annoyed. You really should have checked, but I'm not angry at you for that, not entirely. I'm just upset that Simmons was in pain for so long.

Even if you're not coming back, knowing that you're not dead is helping. We both grieved you. Jemma because she lost the love of her life. In my case, I lost the love that could've been. In some ways, that's a more complex loss to process. You're always grieving what could've been.

I had feelings for you before you froze yourself to go to the future. There was a reason I got you out of jail. You probably thought I was joking when I told you I loved you, but I wasn't. I think that's going to be the first thing I say to your variant once we undo the snap and defrost him. Or maybe Jemma and I will kiss him at the same time. How are we going to go about convincing Fitz 3 to join us?

You might want to have the kids talk with gamma timeline me again without making assumptions or reading more into what the other party is saying. I did not want to have kids with Bobbi, but that doesn't mean I didn't want kids. I think I realized back then already that our dynamic was toxic. I am sure you know I came from a broken home, and I wouldn't want to put my own children through that. Marriage is temporary; children are forever. I always knew Bobbi and I would not last forever. I think you and my counterpart have better odds.

The fact you are worried about how your schedule would impact the child tells me that you would make an effort to be there. Stark industries is much more family-friendly than you think it is. Or at least I know Pepper would make it family-friendly. Of course, she might be that way because she has a child. The board are dicks, unfortunately. Although you have the non-evil members still alive. I'm sure they would help with keeping Baker under control. Unfortunately, he survived the snap. I heard Friday's sent Deke all of Baker's complaints. He hates dealing with Pepper or really strong women in general.

I could be in a completely different place psychologically than my other self when it comes to kids after being the Stark nanny for the last four years. I wasn't planning on being a nanny, but I needed something to keep me tethered. After the first nanny barely survived a kidnapping attempt, it was decided that a former spy/mercenary was a better nanny choice. May recommended me, and here I am.

Morgan has made my biological clock tick a little faster, but I think it's always been ticking. I just knew better than to bring a baby into the universe with Bobbi. I don't have that same apprehension with you or Simmons, for that matter. I do hope treatment works. Pepper has a lot of scars from her mother's alcoholism. I would like for my own child to avoid those.

PS: Please let the grandkid know that Nana is getting clean. She also misses him a lot. So he better get back here. Detox took a lot out of her, so she's not really ready to talk right now.

XXXX

Evening Wednesday, March 21, 2018 gamma timeline

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Hey, just sending a text because I don't want to interrupt you since you are working in the lab, but I finally heard from the guardians.

Chief monkey lover: And?

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Only Quill actually believes us completely. However, G knows her father too well. She finds it plausible that he would kill her to get the "ring pop." Therefore she's willing to help us keep them away from him. Rocket just wants us to pay. Most of the others are indifferent.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: OK, I think Groot told me to go fuck myself in Groot speak, but it's hard to know in text-based communication. Tone and facial gestures are significant components of the language.

Chief monkey lover: Does this surprise you?

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Even though Rocket is the only one I've actually spent any time with, I'm not. It's actually why we arranged for payment.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I feel like I'm getting condescending eyes from here. They are helping. That's what matters. Look, some people save the world out of the goodness of their hearts because they can. Others do it because it puts food on the table. Honestly, I can respect that more because goodness is fleeting.

Chief Monkey lover: I get that.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I don't think you do. They're going to check the Collector's fortress for us. Don't be so concerned with why they're doing it.

Chief: I'll send a note to Earth.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: We should still be able to do that after the next jump.

Chief monkey lover: We got another message from the beta timeline.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: That's weird. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until Thursday?

Chief monkey lover: The AIs discovered that files can be sent one way. However, we cannot connect with the beta timeline for two-way communication until Thursday.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: That makes sense. What did they send us?

Chief monkey lover: More notes about what happened to Asgard. I'm already forwarded those to Daisy.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Good. Did we get anything from Nana? All I got was about 300 emails from Baker last time. He is still being a dick even though I'm allegedly looking for grad schools like he's been asking me to for the last three years. It looks bad if the CCO doesn't have a doctorate. Good thing he doesn't know I didn't even go to high school.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I don't get why he doesn't have an entire former employee group dedicated to hating him. Yet Tony does. Ana, remind me to tell you about that later.

Chief monkey lover: I'm surprised Baker doesn't either. Him being a Dick is a universal constant. I hate him. He never got over the fact I have a husband. He's also a controlling dick. He keeps trying to oust Pepper.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Not you?

Chief monkey lover: He keeps trying to set me up with his daughter. This is even worse, considering the board thinks I'm gay, not bisexual. That was a purposeful choice considering what they did to Tony.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: He forced Tony out because of Steve, didn't he?

Chief monkey lover: And being bipolar. They don't know about my mental problems. Just the husband was enough.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: Ana, do you have any dirt on that guy? I know a few things from when I helped take down Quentin's "we hate Tony" club. But we couldn't find proof to back it up because those that could died.

Chief monkey lover: They would be alive in this timeline, though. I would love to take him down. Also, I feel like I need to know about this Quinton person.

Chief monkey lover: You do. Disgruntled employee. He tried to get me to join his "we hate Tony club" because they bought my startup. It didn't work the way they thought it would.

Ana: Please provide me with what you know, and I will find the information desired. I think this Quinton might be the same person that Aifa has flagged as a person to watch.

Consultant: Fitzsimmons: You are the best. I like you.

Chief monkey lover: I got a letter from beta timeline Hunter. He wants you to know that Simmons is in treatment, and she misses you. The detox is just taking a lot out of her, and she's not able to write.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: In treatment?

Chief monkey lover: She's decided to get sober. I don't know the exact details, but she's working with Doctor Cruz. She took over my treatment from Dr. Suarez because she's based in New York.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I've wanted that for so long, and I'm not even there to see it. I wish I was there to help.

Chief monkey lover: We'll get you back.

Consultant Fitzsimmons: I hope you're right.

To be continued.

We are dealing with Quinton Becks now. None of my spider babies are going through that shit. We have enough trauma coming as it is.