He kept his eyes on her as she fixed her gaze on the small, round café table between them.
"I'm sorry," he offered quietly, unsure of what else he could say.
She nodded slowly, but his apology was pointless: it couldn't change the past. "I'm hurt, Rick."
"I know."
"I just- I didn't see it coming."
Rick placed his hand over hers. "You know that I would never intentionally hurt you. I thought I had more time."
Finally, finally she looked up at him. "More time?" she asked.
He looked at the book that she had placed on the table, noted the edge of the bookmark that stuck out from the last few pages.
"I mean; you only borrowed the book the other day! And you said it might take a while for you to get through the series."
Kate shrugged. "I had already read most of them."
He straightened his posture, smiled proudly. "Really? D'you like 'em?"
She glared at him through the corner of her eyes. "Seriously?"
"I mean... before Derrick, you know?"
"You mean before you killed him?" she asked angrily.
Rick sighed. "Yeah."
She took a deep breath and leant forward, elbows on the table.
"Tell me it's a dream or something," she said, her voice suddenly so much softer than it had been.
His silence was anything but reassuring.
"Richard Castle!" Her eyes were wide, voice pleading. "Tell me it's a dream," she repeated.
"Kate." He leaned forward until his face hovered by hers and looked her in the eye. "One thing you need to know about me is that I do not lie to the people I care about."
With a huff she dropped her face into her hands and whined. "Ri-ick!"
"You're almost finished," he pointed out, sliding the book back toward her. "The worst is over now: you can do it."
"He was my favourite," she said as she pulled her head up and pouted at him.
"I'm sorry," he said... again.
But the smirk on his face said otherwise.
She narrowed her eyes at him, swiped the book up from the table and stuffed it back into her bag.
Rick's phone began to ring and he pulled it from his pocket, sighing when he looked at the caller ID.
"Sorry, I have to take this."
"All good," she assured him, thankful that (for once) it wasn't her having to answer calls or be summoned away.
"Hi, Gina," Rick practically groaned into his phone.
Her eyes flicked toward him as her stomach flipped. She hated this: the sick feeling she got whenever his publisher's name was spoken. Because that's all Gina was to him now; his publisher. He had promised.
But then again, so had Adam.
She shifted in her seat, busied her hands with her empty coffee mug and pushed that bitterness deep, deep down.
"You're right, this is very last minute," Rick said to the woman on the other end of the line. "I'm kinda busy at the moment."
Kate sighed, she could already hear the defeat in his voice. She braced herself for the inevitable: their afternoon together was coming to an end sooner than she had hoped.
Momentarily she wondered if this was how he felt every time her phone rang, every time she had to rush off to a scene or cancel their plans because of work. If it was, she owed him big time for being so understanding, for never adding to the guilt she felt.
He really was too good to her.
"I'll ask, but I make no promises."
Rick dropped his phone from his ear and covered the speaker with the palm of his hand.
"Do you feel like crashing a Black Pawn event with me this evening?" he asked quietly. "Free drinks and hors d'oeuvres. We just have to be there, smile and look like we're having a good time."
He was bargaining; he wanted her there with him.
"So, we're room fillers," she clarified.
"Yeah." He sighed. "It's a launch party for Alex Conrad's new-"
"Alex Conrad?" she interrupted excitedly. "I love his books!"
"So, you're in?" he asked, hopeful.
Kate nodded. "Yes!"
Rick rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his phone, opting to put it on loud speaker instead of pressing it back to his ear.
"We're in," he informed Gina. "But you owe me."
"You wanna talk about who owes whom? When was the last time you actually met a deadline, Richard?" Gina retorted. "Just be there by five."
Kate checked her watch and grimaced when she saw the time.
"Yeah, yet another deadline I'm probably gonna miss."
"Richard..." Gina's voice trailed, her warning left unverbalised but still effective.
"Leaving now, see you soon, bye!" Rick hung up quickly, then looked at Kate. "Did you drive?"
Kate shook her head. "Subway."
"My car is just up the road," he told her. "Your place first?"
"Sounds good."
Kate paused for a moment, smiling to herself as she savoured the feeling of Rick standing behind her, his hand on her lower back.
He was so comfortable with these gentle touches, his hand on her: on her back, or brushing against hers as they walked, or tucking a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. He'd find any excuse to touch her. And if she were to be totally honest; she loved that.
It never felt forced, never felt like he was trying for more, trying to rush her. It just felt... comfortable.
She slipped her key into the lock and turned it slowly. She knew that as soon as they stepped inside he would remove his hand from her; she already missed it.
She pushed open the door and the sounds of soft music and joyous laughter filled the air.
"Look who decided to join us!" Lanie cheered as Kate entered the apartment, Rick following close behind.
"And she brought Writer Boy," Jenny added, pleased with the idea of extra company.
"Hello Ladies," Rick greeted as he looked at Kate with a smug your friends like me grin, earning him an eye roll in response. "How are you?"
"We aren't staying," Kate informed her friends as she made a beeline for the couch, her temporary bed. "I just need to get changed."
She knelt by the couch and slid a large suitcase out from behind it.
"Drink?" Ryan offered Rick, already holding out the chilled bottle of beer.
"Oh, thanks." Rick moved further into the apartment, toward the group huddled around the dining table.
"Is this one okay?" Kate asked.
Rick turned back toward the living area where Kate stood holding a blush pink, knee length cocktail dress against her body.
"It's perfect," he said with a smile.
She narrowed her eyes, certain that she could have held up a burlap sack and he would have said it was perfect. She turned her focus to her best friend.
"Lanie?"
"You guys going on a date?" Lanie asked. Her voice teased, but her smile was hopeful.
"It's not a date." Kate uttered the words for what felt like the hundredth time this week.
"I got roped into going to a book launch party and, thankfully, managed to convince Kate to come with me," Rick explained.
"Alex Conrad," Kate told Lanie excitedly.
Lanie's jaw dropped. "I love his books!"
"Ooh, me too!" Jenny added.
Rick grunted and grimaced, not even trying to hide his obvious displeasure over Alex Conrad's apparent fan club. The girls were giddy.
Alex Conrad wasn't that good.
A hand on his bicep pulled his focus. Kate, now at his side, looked at Lanie.
"The dress?" she prompted her friend.
"It's great," Lanie complimented. "Do you need shoes?"
"Do you mind? I only have boots."
"Not at all." Lanie slipped out from her seat and grabbed Kate's hand. "Come with me."
"I'll be quick," she promised Rick as Lanie led her toward the bedroom. "Be nice!" she called in the boys' direction, pointing an accusatory finger at Esposito.
Esposito's jaw dropped in exaggerated offence. "I'm always nice," he mumbled. "Right, Castle?"
"Of course," Rick agreed.
Ryan snickered and exchanged amused glances with his future wife.
Jenny cleared her throat and patted the empty seat beside her. "Come, sit."
Rick moved closer, scanning the binders and informational pamphlets spread out across the table. Florists, caterers, DJs and bands...
"Wedding planning?" he asked, connecting the dots.
His eyes flicked up to the couple.
"My sister is supposed to be helping with the planning but-" Jenny stopped and inhaled deeply.
Ryan placed his hand on her thigh and smiled. "Let's just say there's been a few... creative differences," he explained.
Rick winced. Having been through this - twice - he empathised.
Reading the writer's expression, Ryan asked: "You've been here before?"
"Twice."
"Any advice?" the younger man asked.
"Only do it once," he quipped, much to everyone's amusement.
"That's such a dreary outlook, Castle!" Lanie remarked as she walked back out to the living area. "I had you pegged as more of a hopeless romantic type."
"Ah, you haven't met my ex-wives," Rick replied without a second thought.
"There's nothing wrong with your ex-wives!" Kate argued, appearing from Lanie's bedroom.
She was a picture of exquisite beauty in the neutral pink dress that hugged her chest and flared at her waist; material that looked so soft he just wanted to reach out and touch it, tangle his fingers in it.
"Other than their taste in men, apparently," she added with a smirk.
Rick glared at Kate, but it held no weight when his own smirk broke through the façade.
"You're not really in a position to be judging their taste in men now, are you?"
Kate's jaw dropped. "I claim no responsibility for the things I do while drunk," she defended playfully.
"You weren't drunk when you tracked me down a few days later," he reminded her with a beaming smile, knowing he had 'won' the argument.
"Touché," she conceded.
She ducked down and grabbed her make up bag from her suitcase before using her foot to slide the suitcase back behind the couch.
Rick's eyes followed the line of her leg, watched the defined muscles of her calf flex under the white ribbon ties of the heels she had borrowed from Lanie.
"You ready?" Kate asked, tucking the bag under her arm.
Rick rose from his seat. "Mmhmm."
He swallowed down the last mouthful of his drink and tossed the bottle in the recycling tub by the kitchen bench.
"Thanks for the drink," he said as he walked toward Kate, wrapping his arm around her waist as they both headed toward the door. "Good luck with the wedding planning."
"I won't wait up," Lanie called out as Kate practically pushed Rick out the door.
"Eyes on the road," Kate warned, her eyes glued to her reflection in the small vanity mirror behind the sun visor.
She hadn't looked in Rick's direction once but she could feel his eyes burning into her as she applied her makeup. She couldn't deny that she loved the way his attention was always on her, but now was not a good time to be allowing himself to be distracted by her.
Her stomach flipped at that thought. Oh, the ways she could distract him...
"Sorry," he mumbled as his eyes returned to the road in front of them. "I just- how do you do that so perfectly in a moving car?"
She smoothed her finger across the skin under her bottom lip, cleaning up any small smudges of her lipstick, and shrugged. "Practice, I guess."
Satisfied with her efforts, she slid the cover back over the mirror and looked toward Rick.
His eyes darted away from her to focus on the road, an attempt to avoid being caught staring... again.
"Are we going to get there in one piece?" she snarked.
"I'm focussed," he insisted. "Promise."
Rick stared intently at the traffic before them, frowning at the sea of brake lights as he slowed to a stop.
"You know," he started, cautiously transitioning to a conversation topic that had occupied his thoughts for too long now.
It wasn't any of his business. Not at all. And he knew he should probably just keep his mouth shut, but he had never been very good at that.
In his peripheral vision he saw her turn to face him, her full attention was his.
He turned to her and smiled softly. "I didn't make the connection," he admitted.
Her brow furrowed, confused.
"That staying with Lanie meant living out of a suitcase," he clarified.
"Oh, right." She shuffled back in the seat and moved her focus back out the windscreen. "Well, I mean, I appreciate Lanie taking me in but, you've seen her place. There's barely room for me, let alone all my stuff. Adam agreed to keep it for me until I find my own place but the rental market is super competitive right now and I just can't afford to buy in the city at the moment-"
"I know somewhere," he interrupted.
She turned her attention back to Rick, curiosity piqued.
"A buddy of mine just got married," Rick began to explain as he began to drive again. "He and his bride are going on some world tour honeymoon."
"Sounds nice," she mused.
"Yeah. They'll be gone for at least twelve months. He has a little studio apartment in Lenox Hill that he want to sublet while they're travelling."
"Lenox Hill?" she repeated incredulously. "Seriously, Rick, how much money do you think I earn?"
"It's affordable, I promise. He's, like, a tech genius and has more money than sense; he offered me the place for my mother, but she - and I quote - isn't looking for 'handouts'." He shook his head at the idea: she sure as hell didn't mind taking handouts in the form of free rent for the past three years. "He's not looking to make money off this place. I can give him a call, see if he's still looking for someone. I'm sure he'd be happy to work out a fair rate."
"Really?"
"I'll call first thing tomorrow," Rick promised.
"Thank you," she said earnestly. "So much."
He ushered her into the loft, his hand on her lower back.
"I'll be quick," he promised. "Make yourself at home."
He crossed in front of her on his way to his bedroom; his hand gliding from it's position on her back, around the curve of her waist and across her stomach.
Caught in some magnetic pull and losing the battle of fighting overwhelming urge to follow him, she stepped closer and her hand reached out for his. Her fingertips had grazed his wrist before she realised what she was doing and halted.
Rick looked back at her over his shoulder, smirk on his face. Her composure had faltered and, for the first time, she couldn't blame it on alcohol and lowered inhibitions.
"You okay, Kate?" he asked slowly, innocently.
As if he hadn't done that on purpose.
As if he wasn't testing the waters.
She pressed her lips into a fine line. "Mmhmm," she hummed, thankful that he didn't push it and continued on his way.
Once he had disappeared from view, she exhaled and shook her head.
"Get it together," she whispered to herself.
She stood awkwardly in the entrance, settling into the silence of the loft. The low, dull drone of city traffic was barely audible with the windows closed. Noise from neighbouring apartments was non-existent through the thick walls. No, this place was about as quiet as they come in the city. Moving further into Rick's home, she browsed the framed photographs that were scattered through the loft: some hung on the walls, others displayed proudly on shelves and countertops.
She picked up a colourfully decorated carboard frame from the sideboard behind the couch and studied it. The photograph inside - a much younger Rick cradling who she could only assume was a baby Alexis - had her heart melting into a puddle. Rick looked at the tiny baby in his arms with such pride, such love. The smile tugging at the corners of his mouth was nothing like the playful smiles Kate was growing used to; it was one reserved only for his little girl.
Her thumb delicately traced over his face and she smiled. She couldn't help but wonder what he was like as a father, curious about this side of him that she was yet to see.
"We might actually get there by five." His voice - filled with a sense of accomplishment - called out as he came out from his room, buttoning his cuff.
Kate placed the frame back on the sideboard and turned her attention to Rick, her eyes drifting down the length of his body. He looked dashing; dressed in a grey, slim fit suit. Not quite as fancy as his black tux from the other night, but handsome nonetheless. As her gaze slowly moved back up his body her arm wrapped around her abdomen, trying to settle the flutter of butterflies within.
"Need help?" she asked, gesturing to his hand that still fumbled with the button that so stubbornly wouldn't slot into it's hole.
"Please," he relented, holding his arm out and moving closer to Kate.
He watched her intently; her brow furrowed in concentration as the small plastic disc slipped from her grasp.
"See, it's not just me," he said teasingly.
A slight chuckle slipped from Kate before she forced her smile into a scowl.
"Shut up. The button doesn't fit through the hole," she explained, trying again.
She tugged on his wrist, pulling his arm closer and - with a little determination - she got the button through the hole.
"There!" she celebrated.
With a bright smile she looked up at Rick. Having been so focussed on his cuff, she hadn't noticed that he had moved so close. In hindsight, she should have realised that tugging on his arm, moving it every which way to try and leverage the button through the hole would obviously have meant he would have to move, too. But still, the newfound proximity momentarily stole her breathe away.
"Thank you," he said softly as he gazed into her eyes, entranced.
The rattle of keys on the other side of the front door snapped them both out of their trance and, as the door began to open, Kate took a step backward to create some much needed distance between her and Rick.
She wasn't sure what had come over her in the past hour, but she needed to get a grip... and fast! It was going to be a long evening together if she couldn't keep herself in check.
"Alexis," Rick greeted as two young girls walked into the loft.
"Hey, Dad."
"Hey, Mr C!" the second girl greeted cheerily as she made her way into the loft.
"Hi, Claire." Rick moved toward the teens, embraced his daughter. "How was school? I thought you guys were going to be studying at Claire's house tonight?"
"Didn't mean to crash your date, Mr C. My 'rents are out of town so my brother is throwing a party. We figured we'd get more studying done here," Claire explained.
Alexis looked past her father, to Kate. "Sorry."
Rick turned to face Kate, a hundred apologies painted his face. He held his arm out, beckoning Kate to join them.
She moved forward until his hand rested on her shoulder.
"Kate, this is Alexis," he introduced with a smile before motioning his hand toward the overly-friendly teen unpacking a bag of store-bought snacks at the dining table. "And her friend, Claire."
Claire looked up and waved before returning her focus to her snacks.
Kate waved to the distracted girl before turning her focus to Alexis.
"Nice to meet you." She offered her hand and Alexis took it with a smile.
"Nice to meet you, too. I was starting to think Dad was going to keep you hidden away forever."
Kate looked at Rick through the corner of her eye. "I was just thinking the same thing," she remarked.
"You could have just asked to meet her," Rick commented under his breath.
"I did," Alexis reminded her father.
"Not you," he clarified, pointedly.
Kate brought her hand to her mouth, an attempt to hide her amused smile.
"Anyway, we have to go," Rick said, lowering his hand to Kate's back. "Call me if you need anything."
"Will do," Alexis said, waving half-dismissively as she walked over to her friend.
Rick rolled his eyes as he closed the door behind them. "Teenagers."