"You know, my brain is telling me to play it cool but it is also telling me I can be back at yours in, like, less than twenty minutes."

Kate laughed; it truly was such a beautiful sound.

"That doesn't give me much time to pack an overnight bag," she said.

"Well, I mean, you're kinda already packed," Rick said, cautiously tiptoeing the line between 'funny joke' and 'carelessly blunt reminder that her life has been confined to a single suitcase'. "I don't mind lugging that thing across town if it means I get to see you tonight."

Seconds of silence dragged on. He thought he had crossed a line - used humour to make light of a situation she found too heavy - but then she huffed out the tiniest little laugh and Rick's lungs filled with the air he didn't realise he had deprived himself.

"So you obviously decided against playing it cool," she teased.

"Well, I've never really been that good at it."

. . . . .

"Well, I've never really been that good at it," Rick confessed.

Kate caught her bottom lip between her teeth as she smiled and shook her head.

No, in her experience he hadn't been very good at playing it cool. But she loved that. He didn't play games, didn't try to hide the fact that he wanted her: all of her, not just her body.

"I can pick you up in the morning if you'd prefer," he offered.

"No," she replied quickly.

Too quickly to ever pretend that she was any better at playing it cool than Rick was. But that was the thing: she never felt like she had to play it cool when she was with him. That was what she was used to doing, what she had always done, but the second it was just the two of them it was like all these silly little dating rules just didn't apply. They did what they wanted, when they wanted, how they wanted. No rules, no labels, just them. It was something she was still getting used to, but it was refreshing. A part of her wondered if he struggled as much as she did: he seemed like such a natural at this whole take each day as it comes thing.

"Tonight is good." She looked over to the closed door of Lanie's bedroom and sighed. "Give me thirty minutes?"

"I'll see you in thirty," he confirmed before ending the call.

Kate dropped the phone from her ear, hugged it to her chest as she continued to stare at the bedroom door.

As soon as Rick had left the apartment earlier - when there was no outsider to put on a brave face for - the atmosphere of the apartment had dampened; rapidly and significantly. As soon as the front door had clicked shut, Esposito's mask had dropped. Too caught up in Lanie's questioning, Kate hadn't noticed right away.

But Ryan did.

His reassurances were ineffective; Esposito just brushed him off.

You did what you had to.

That didn't make it any easier.

Any one of us would have done the same.

But they didn't: he did. Esposito took the shot that saved Beckett's life and ended Radley's.

It wasn't the first life he had taken and it likely wouldn't be the last.

That didn't make it any easier.

Lanie had taken his hand, silently led him to the bedroom and Kate hadn't seen (or heard) them since.

Maybe spending the weekend at Rick's was the best option for everyone.

Kate opened the messaging app on her phone and sent a text to Lanie asking if she was still awake. She didn't want to knock, didn't want to interrupt anything.

She put her phone down on the coffee table and then pulled her suitcase out from behind the couch. She knelt and unzipped the bag then stared into the mess of clothing it held. With a sigh, she began to sort.

"Everything okay?" she heard from behind her, just a few minutes later.

Kate looked up from the sorted piles of clothing in front of her and turned to face her friend. "Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?"

Lanie shook her head as she walked toward the living room. "No. I just wanted to make sure Javi was properly asleep before I left." She sighed heavily and flopped down onto the couch.

"How is he?" Kate asked although she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

Lanie shrugged. "He's okay, I guess."

Kate looked over toward the bedroom again; tried to swallow down the guilt and sorrow that sat too thick in her throat.

"Just give it a few more days," she said. She looked to her friend: slumped over on the couch looking more defeated than ever before. "A new case will take his mind off of it. But having to stare at me all day long isn't exactly helpful."

Lanie offer a weak smile. "I just wish he would talk to me."

"It's complicated Lanie," Kate excused. She knew that - to Lanie - that didn't offer much consolation, but she didn't know what else there was to say. "All else aside: he took a life. I'd be more concerned if he wasn't taking it hard."

"He took the life of a cold-blooded killer," Lanie defended him.

Kate sighed. "I know that. We all know that. But Espo isn't thinking about Radley's victims." She stood, walked toward the couch and then flopped down beside her friend. "Radley had a wife, a son. They are who Espo is thinking about."

Lanie closed her eyes, fought back the tears that just wouldn't go away.

Kate placed her hand over Lanie's, laced their fingers together and leant her head on Lanie's shoulder.

"He'll be okay," she reassured her.

She felt the movement of Lanie nodding.

"I know."

"Just look at how much fun he was having at dinner."

Lanie scoffed at the memory of dumplings being flung across the table.

"He just needs time," Kate said again.

Lanie's arms wrapped around Kate and they sat together - in a comfortable, supportive silence - for several minutes while Lanie calmed the wild beating of her heart and the chaotic frenzy of her concerned thoughts.

"Are you going somewhere?" Lanie asked, pulling away from Kate's embrace.

"Oh, uh- I was going to stay with Ri-"

"Oh my God!" Lanie interrupted. "Why did you let me yap on for so long?"

"If you need me to stay-"

"Don't be ridiculous." Lanie pulled herself from the couch and moved to kneel in front of Kate's bag. "I can help you pack."

Kate smiled and shook her head before slipping off the couch onto her knees. "I don't think I need help."

Lanie scoffed. "Considering the one sexy bra you have-" She curled her index finger around the strap of the lacy garment and lifted it, allowing it to dangle mid-air in between them. "is still in your suitcase tells me that yes, you do need my help."

"I'm sorry that my first thought when fleeing my home wasn't to pack my finest lingerie," Kate said sarcastically. She snatched the bra from Lanie and tossed it back into the suitcase, rolling her eyes in the process. "Besides, I don't think Rick cares what underwear I'm wearing, Lanie."

"I think you're sorely mistaken," Lanie mumbled back as she dove into the piles of clothing. "I saw the way he looked at you when you got all dressed up for that book launch." She looked up at Kate and smirked. "He really seems like the type of guy who appreciates the wrapping, not just the gift inside."

Kate shook her head. "Well, that was before he knew the gift inside was for him."

Lanie froze, looked at her friend slack-jawed. "Is that what this is?" she asked. "The start of something... official?"

"No," Kate insisted, but something in her voice didn't sound certain.

Lanie pursed her lips, narrowed her eyes and tilted her head: a silent request for clarification.

"We haven't really talked about it," Kate said with a casual shrug of her shoulders.

"Well, shouldn't you? I mean, how do you know where you stand if you're not talking about it? How do you know when it's time to become exclusive?"

"He spends his time either writing, with his daughter or with me: I don't think he's seeing anyone else."

"But unless you have the conversation you don't know for sure."

Kate looked down at the clothes in her hands. "What if I don't want to know?"

Lanie smiled and shook her head. "You know the guy is obsessed with you, right?"

"He's enthusiastic," Kate agreed with a smile. "But that's just his nature."

"Nuh-uh. The guy is smitten. However, I would hate for you to get your heart broken again because of some silly misunderstanding."

Kate folded the shirt in her hands, stuffed it into her overnight bag as she allowed Lanie's concerns to swirl in her mind.

Some silly misunderstanding...

But Rick had said that he would wait. An hour, or a day, or a year...

She hadn't believed him in the moment, but she held onto those words like a sacred vow now. She trusted that he had meant them.

She just hoped that didn't make her the fool. Again.

"So what exactly will you be doing?" Lanie asked. Her curiosity pulled Kate from her thoughts and she looked up, noted her friend's smirk. "I mean, apart from the obvious," Lanie said suggestively. "Will you be needing a nice dinner dress? Swimwear? Your skimpiest sleep shorts?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "He didn't say but I don't particularly want to go out anywhere." She pointed to her forehead. "People just stare."

"Can you blame 'em?"

Kate glared, but any iciness in her stare melted away when Lanie chuckled: she was just glad this seemed to be entertaining her friend enough to offer even just a slight distraction.

"Can you just pack a few things you think will be appropriate?" Kate asked, her tone warning yet playful. She used her uninjured arm to hold onto the couch and steady herself as she rose to her feet. "I'm just going to grab some toiletries."

She was in the bathroom for five minutes, sorting through the contents of her make up bag and deciding what she would and would not need. Concealer, of course, to offset the discolouration of her skin. Foundation, eyeliner, a neutral lip gloss. She didn't think she would be needing any of it, didn't think they would be venturing too far from the loft let alone going anywhere that would require a more done up look. To be safe she tossed a small eyeshadow palette, a lipstick and bronzer into the smaller toiletry bag she planned to take with her; alongside her toothbrush, hair brush, body wash and other necessities.

As Kate walked back to the living area, there was a knock at the front door.

"I got it," Lanie called out, not realising Kate had returned. She opened the door to greet Rick. "Just couldn't stay away, could you?"

"What can I say?" Rick said with a smile. "I missed that beautiful smile of yours."

Lanie chuckled and stepped aside to let Rick in.

He walked further into the apartment, smiling as he noticed Kate's small, overstuffed backpack.

"You ready?" he asked her.

"Mhmm." She zipped up her suitcase. "I'll just pop this back."

"I've got it," he insisted as he grabbed the luggage handle and lifted it from the floor.

"Thanks." Kate rose to her feet and, as Rick slid her suitcase back behind the couch, she turned her attention to Lanie. "Now, you're sure you-"

"Yes!" her friend insisted. "Go!"

"If you need me-"

"I'll call, I promise." Lanie moved forward and wrapped her arms around Kate, squeezing her tight. "Go, have fun," she insisted.

"She's just a call away," Rick said as he joined them. He took the backpack from Kate's hand, placed his free hand on her lower back. "I can have her back here in record time."

Lanie rolled her eyes at Kate. "Girl-"

"Okay! I'm going!"

She had suspected he was up to something from the moment they pulled up outside of his building. He had practically leaped from the car, her bag still in his hand, pulling her along with him. She had asked what he was up to, of course. And he had played dumb, of course. But by the time they reached his front door, he couldn't keep the excited grin from his face.

Rick unlocked the door and took a small step backward, motioning for her to enter first.

Hesitantly, she pushed the wooden door open.

Her jaw dropped.

The lights were off but the entire bottom floor of the loft was illuminated by the golden flicker of candlelight and the soft sounds of Coltrane floated through the air. She stepped over the threshold and into his home, drawn toward the space that seemed tailor-made just for her. Her eyes scanned the room as she tried to memorise each small detail of the romantic scene: the flameless candles; the smooth jazz; the slightly fruity, slightly floral scent that reminded her of early Spring mornings at her Great-Grandmother's cottage. It was as if Rick had been taking notes throughout their many late-night conversations, keeping track of every time she had mentioned something she loved until he had enough information to create something so special for her.

Kate turned around to face him, to thank him for such a romantic gesture but when she saw him standing by his door, watching her with an adoring smile on his face, the words just wouldn't come.

"You didn't have to do all this," she managed to say.

She took a few small steps closer and he did the same, meeting her halfway.

"I wanted to," he told her.

She placed her hands on his chest and her fingertips toyed with the collar of his shirt.

"Thank you," she whispered before leaning forward and gently pressing her lips to his.

Rick dropped her backpack, lifted his hands to so delicately frame her face and pulled back to look into her eyes.

Kate smiled. She knew the soft flicker of lighting would only highlight the glimmering emotion in her eyes, that (in this moment) Rick could more than likely read her like a book but she didn't care. She didn't want to try and hold it back. She felt safe being vulnerable with him, felt safe showing him how she felt. And right now, she had never appreciated anyone like she appreciated Rick.

She could see that he wanted to say something, that he was holding back.

"What?" she asked, a slight giggle hidden in her tone.

She knew what she thought he was thinking, what she hoped he was thinking.

A part of her knew she wasn't ready to hear it. Another part of her was almost desperate for it.

But he dropped his hands from her face, shook his head. "Nothing." He turned his body away from her and looked toward the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I could make you something to eat."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "We had dinner together," she reminded him.

"I know. But you mostly just picked at your food. If you're hungry-"

"Rick-" Kate reached out and grabbed his hand, drawing his attention back to herself. "Is everything okay?"

Rick sighed. "Yeah. Everything is fine," he said softly. "I just- I realised this might look like I'm-"

"Trying to impress me?" she asked, confused as to how that might be a bad thing.

"Like I'm trying to rush you," he clarified. "I just- I'm a romantic. And I want you to see that, I want you to benefit from that because you deserve to be romanced. I'm just trying not to be too much, you know? And I realise that this might be-"

"It's perfect," she interrupted. "I think you're doing a great job of showing off your talents."

"Yeah?"

She nodded and hummed her confirmation as she moved closer and hooked a finger over one of the buttons of his shirt. "I also think that you think too much," she added.

"That is something that I have never been told before," he joked.

Kate smiled and shook her head, cut off any further attempts of humour with her mouth on his: an interruption he would happily allow.

He combed his fingers through her hair until his hands cradled her head and held her close as he deepened the kiss: firm, authoritative but not forceful.

She allowed it for a moment - enjoyed the dance of their tongues too much to pull away too soon - but after several seconds she reached for his wrists and removed his hands from her hair. Slowly, she stepped backward and led him further into the living room, only breaking away from his kiss once she felt the press of the coffee table against the back of her leg.

"Have you learned nothing?" she asked him with a wicked smile.

Before he could answer she stepped to his side and gently pushed him. He flopped down into the cushions of the couch, looked up at her with an expression that was equal parts shocked and aroused.

"You're in charge," he said mindlessly, distracted by her slow prowl toward him. She lowered herself, his hands finding their place on her hips as she straddled his lap. "My little control freak," he whispered in her ear before kissing her neck.

Kate moaned. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Rick shook his head. "Not bad." He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. Another to her collarbone. "You could compromise occasionally, though."

Kate chuckled. "I don't compromise. However-" Her hand roamed down his chest and abs, in between their bodies to ghost over his growing arousal. "I do think I compensate fairly."

His response was nothing more than an unintelligible grunt as she slanted her mouth over his. But she pulled away as quickly as she had crashed down onto him.

"One more thing," she said.

Rick hummed: an acknowledgement that she had has attention despite his eyes being glued to the rise and fall of her chest as she took each heavy breath. She curled her finger under his chin, forced his focus to her eyes and smiled.

"Don't ever think you're too much," she whispered.