(A/N): We're back with Lisbet, Leo, and Jerremyah in 1975, discussing what Leo said about him thinking that his vampire side is killing him.

Trigger Warning: Discussion of potential death/dying, brief reference to self-harm and suicidal tendencies (in the meme at the end).

Lisbet

It would've filled me with dread even if he hadn't phrased it that way; if it hadn't slipped out the way I suspected it had, in the present tense rather than the past tense. He'd said he thought his vampire side was killing him- not that it had killed him in the dream, but that it was still, actively killing him... maybe in real life, as well. I knew Jerremyah caught it too, because when our eyes met, I saw the agony there; if there was anyone that could relate to their vampire side running laps around them, it was him- and even if he didn't have a soft spot for Leo a mile wide the way I now knew he did, I think the sentiment still would've pained him immensely... which was only one reason I decided to let him field this particular concern. You know, along with my half-broken heart, and the fact that Leo tended to respond better when it came from him.

"It- Like... currently?" Trust the process, Lisbet; it's worked so far. "It's killing you... now?" My theory that Leo hadn't intended to say it like that was confirmed when he flushed, and buried his face further into Jerremyah's jumper- as though he was trying to hide from the conversation he'd unwittingly started. "Or are you... speaking metaphorically? Figuratively?"

I could tell Leo's eyebrows had furrowed at that, and I couldn't help but echo such a movement. Of course it was metaphorical- if something was physically trying to kill Leo, we'd know about it... right? "I just meant-" He faltered for a second, holding his breath momentarily before releasing it all in a rush. "I don't know what I meant." Which, knowing Leo, was an absolute bald-faced lie.

"Do you genuinely not know, or are you just worried about saying it out loud?" This. This was why I let Jerremyah take care of things- because he did. If I'd tried to address it, it would've come across as an attack, or like I was disappointed in him. With Jerremyah, it came across as an attempt to understand him better- the open hand, to my open arms.

Leo had a particular reaction to that, but I couldn't actually figure out what it was. Confusion? Concern? ...consternation? He didn't seem happy about it, but he also didn't seem angry- and like always, there was a healthy dose of anxiety along with it. Healthy for Leo, I mean. Typical, for Leo. "It's... I don't know," He said, then shook his head, subsequently rubbing his face into the rolled neck of Jerremyah's jumper- and his actual neck, beneath it. "I haven't- I try not to think too deeply," I arched an eyebrow at Jerremyah over his head- who did that remind me of? "Some parts of my mind are scarier than others."

What... what was that supposed to mean? And why did I assume this conversation- like most of them, recently- was going to make me feel as if my heart was being ripped out of my chest and trodden all over? I didn't know what to say to that, so I kept my mouth shut; maybe I was putting too much weight on Jerremyah's shoulders too quickly, but from where I was sitting, there weren't really any alternatives. "Well," he started, and by the tone of his voice, I was pretty sure he was flying just as blind as I was. "From what I've been told, being surrounded by people who care about you can make things a little less scary."

I would've wondered who told him that, but I could almost hear her voice in the back of my head as he said the words. "Evie?" I asked quietly, just to make sure- and to give Leo longer to think- and Jerremyah snorted, which was all the answer I needed.

I sensed Leo's lips curving downward into a frown, and I leaned in to drop a kiss into his hair- having to use all of my willpower not to lean that little bit further so I could press my lips to Jerremyah's. Not only because we were supposedly denying ourselves that level of intimacy for the time being, but because I was certain that Leo's reaction to it would be- well, not negative, exactly, since he seemed intent on doing whatever he could to help our romance bloom once more, but he'd most likely try to leave, to give us privacy. And not only did I not want that to happen because we were in the middle of an emotionally significant conversation, but because- most importantly- this was his bedroom. His bed. Jerremyah and I would never kiss in our kit's bed, whether he was between us or not.

When Leo stayed quiet for a few more seconds, I saw a crease form between Jerremyah's brows- which I only wanted to kiss a little, thank you for asking- and the corner of his lips twitched in an attempt to mimic Leo's frown. "You... don't have to think about it if you don't want to," I sent him a reproachful look, and he winced slightly. "I know that sounds bad, but... you're fifteen. You've lived through more bad things than most people experience in their whole lives- so I think if the inside of your head scares you... maybe you shouldn't be expected to confront it." Well... I couldn't say I disagreed with that, but... was it healthy for him to avoid it, just because it scared him? Then again, was it healthy for him to confront it, when possibly the sole outcome was his discomfort? Unfortunately, I don't think any of us had a clue.

"It's... complicated," He murmured into the knit fabric, and Jerremyah lifted his chin to rest it on the top of Leo's head- not so subtly baring his throat to him once more. It was impossible to tell whether Leo was refusing to rise to the bait, or was simply oblivious- but seeing as he had much the same instincts as the rest of us, I was guessing it was the former. "I already explained some of the difficulties I have with my vampire side, but... I think there's something intrinsically disastrous about me. About my relationship with my vampire side, I mean." He amended himself quickly, but I had the distinct feeling he thought both sentiments were equally true.

"Because... because you have trouble staying in control, sometimes?" Jerremyah asked tentatively, and Leo's eyebrows furrowed again.

It was clear- at least to me- that Leo's own personal flavor of control issues hadn't even entered his mind when he was trying to figure out how to explain things. "Not- not only that," He was quiet for a few seconds, which immediately made me nervous. Normally, whenever he fell silent during a conversation like this, one of three causes was to blame. One, he was trying to end the conversation by stonewalling us- which didn't happen nearly as often as it used to, either because he knew we'd outlast him, or because he wanted to tell us but felt like he had to put up resistance first- two, he was uncomfortable, and the subject either needed to be approached differently, or abandoned completely; or three... he was about to say something that would immediately ruin my peace of mind, and I'd have to just sit here and take it. "I don't... I don't know if I ever really came to terms with the fact that I'm not-" He cut himself off, and once he was quiet for another few seconds, I reached up to brush the hair off of his forehead.

"Not what, little one?" I asked as softly as possible, and both felt and heard him sigh into Jerremyah's neck. Well, into the fabric, but it was basically the same thing at this point. There was a brief moment where he hesitated, but then he seemed to gain the courage to keep talking- which I'm sure had nothing to do with the way Jerremyah had idly started playing with his hair.

"That I never had a choice." In- in what, exactly? "Even if my mother never found out- never threw me out or disowned me... even if I never found out... I was always going to be this. Always was, this. The only difference is that now I know what I am... even if maybe I don't quite know who I am."

(A/N): Lisbet: "Welcome to 'Blind As A Bat' Airlines, this is your pilot speaking. Introduce yourself, lovely Co-Pilot."

Jerremyah: "This is your Co-Pilot speaking, today we'll be flying to 'Get A Clue'. Remember to be kind to your stewards- or else."

Leo: "This is your steward speaking. Always remember to return your tray to the upright position, and if someone could show me how to work the emergency exits, that would be quite appreciated."

Lisbet: *leaving Jerremyah to pilot the plane in order to duct tape Leo to a seat*

Leo: '...can you at least leave the in-flight movie playing?'

Lisbet: *leaves whatever kids movies they have available on loop*

Leo: *slipping an arm out of the duct tape easily, but only to get a snack*

Leo: 'Jokes on them, duct taping me to a chair is pretty much like giving me a weighted blanket at this point.'

Greygorry, sitting in the row behind Leo, absolutely told them that would be the case, and provided the duct tape: 'Hey, Kid, give me a hit of that juice box.'

Leo: 'Juice boxes are for kids, and good parents. Why don't you get Dahrya to give you one of hers?'

Dahrya: *hoarding juice boxes like they're cigarettes, how did she smuggle a switchblade onto a flight?*

Greygorry: 'I... think I'm good.'

also

Lisbet: 'If something was physically trying to kill Leo, we'd know about it... right?'

Leo, covering his self-harm scars: 'Probably.'

also

Leo: *quoting what Prue told him after he asked her if he could change his nature*

Lisbet: 'That's... quite deep, Nounours.'

Leo: 'Like a lake?'

Lisbet: 'Noooo, NOT like a lake... Jer, get the floaties!'

Jerremyah: *already inflating them, manually*

Leo: 'You know we have a pump for that, right?'

Jerremyah: 'But... what better to keep you afloat than the very breath from my lungs?'

Lisbet: 'And my open arms! Don't forget those!'