Fear of a Bot Planet The crew go to a planet of killer robots, Fry discovers the disturbing sport of Blurnsball and Oscar eats butter.
Plot
Inside the Planet Express ship cockpit Fry and Leela are looking out the window at the emptiness of space.
"What do you think of the view Fry?" Leela asked.
"It really puts things in perspective. I mean, from up here an entire world can seem utterly insignificant." said Fry.
A tiny planet smooshes against the window like a bug.
Oscar laughed.
Leela sighed and turned on the windshield wipers the wipe the smooshed planet away.
"Anyway thanks for rescuing me from that Orphanarium." said Oscar.
"Well I once lived there as a child." said Leela.
"Can you tell us more?" Oscar squints.
"No I'm not ready to talk about my past..." said Leela.
We cut to titles.
The title gag is "Featuring Gratuitous Alien Nudity!"
"Coooooool! Hard core nudity!" Oscar cheered.
The titles continued as usual. Um... I don't think there was a retro cartoon gag this time.
Madison Cube Garden: Stadium. The crew are sat watching what could be a baseball game...
"Hey nice seats! We're close enough so when you knock a player down with a beer bottle, he stays down!" said Bender.
"That's assault and battery, Bender..." Oscar frowned.
The game, which they briefly watched last episode before they had to quickly report back to base, was very weird... Ie the ball was on a stretchy wire...
"I don't get it. Is blernsball exactly the same as baseball?" asked Fry.
"Baseball? God forbid!" said Farnsworth.
"Face it Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up." said Leela.
"Boring? Baseball wasn't - hmm, so they finally jazzed it up?" asked Fry.
Bart Simpson as a head in a jar rolled his eyes and tutted. "It was fun already, man! It doesn't need to be jazzed up or turned into a circus freak show to entertain non sports fans! Ay carumba..."
"He was a little league baseball player when he was alive. I mean when he had a body..." said Oscar.
And now to be pedantic and correct Leela...
"Leela you're in America. We say Mom not Mum. Well I'm British but I lived with Bart's family in the states for a while so I've got used to the lingo." said Oscar.
"Okay... Mom and apple pie..." said Leela.
"And how do you jazz up an apple pie? It's yummy enough already... especially with custard... or ice cream..." Oscar drools.
"With blackberries?" Fry asked.
"Oh yeah... good point..." said Oscar.
A player hits the ball.
Fry gets up and cheers. "Home run! Woooo! Right?"
The ball is yanked back by a stretchy swing ball wire attached to it. a player catches it and is yanked across the field to the base.
"Out!" said the umpire.
"What just happened? Why is the ball on that springy thing?" Fry asked.
"It's traditional. Just like aluminium bats and the seventh inning grope." said Leela.
Oscar winced. "You can't grope people, that's illegal..."
"I think that was a The Naked Gun reference..." said Fry.
Another hit. A player jumps to catch the ball but misses it and is caught by Bender.
"I got me a souvenir!" Bender cheered. A kid looks sadly up at him. "Aww here you go kid!" He hands the grown man to the kid. The kid falls over with a grunt from the weight of the player.
Evil Bender from the future or possibly Flexo took the player from the kid. "If you wanted a souvenir you should have caught your own! Bwahahahaha!"
Bender frowned at his evil future self. From that time he's not gonna let a kid have a corn dog the second time they go to the moon. Either that or that was Flexo.
Madison Cube Garden: Corridor. Zoidberg comes out of the Gents and walks to a food stand. He gasps realising a zip on the front of his shirt where your chest usually is is undone. He does it up as a man would hastily do up his flies. I dunno, Decapodians probably have a freaky way to go to toilet.
He goes to the food stand to get a snack.
"I'd like a jumbo squidlog please." said Zoidberg.
"We don't sell those..." said the vendor.
"Alright, alright. Let me have one of your young on a roll." said Zoidberg. Oh mah gawd! He wants to eat the children!
"Um we're out of rolls..." said the vendor.
"Fine I'll have just a child then. I need to cut back on the bread..." said Zoidberg.
"No I was being facetious. I'm not seriously gonna serve you someone's kid!" said the vendor.
"Fine! Just give me something crawling with parasites." said Zoidberg.
He gave Zoidberg a hotdog.
"Um charge Farnsworth the bill for the hotdog... he doesn't get paid..." said Hermes. Zoidberg doesn't get paid... poor Zoidberg...
Zoidberg sat down and enjoyed the hotdog.
"Nice to see hotdogs haven't changed a bit." said Fry.
Yeah because the Simpsons informed us that they're actually made from skunks, old boots and tires... so they're already weird...
Bender then offered to make everyone popcorn.
"Who wants popcorn!" He asked.
The crew all cheers for popcorn.
Bender pours popcorn kernels into his mouth. He then vibrates and pops from the popcorn popping inside him.
He opens his chest door and popcorn pours out. "Want some butter too?" He presses down on his antenna and hot butter is dispensed.
The crew are eating popcorn.
They were glad they weren't called back early for some annoying task. Or having to deal with giant pigeons.
"Hey I'm starting to get the hang of this game! The blerns are loaded, the count's three blerns and two anti-blerns and the infield blern rule is in effect, right?" asked Fry.
"Well aside from the word Blern, everything you said was gibberish..." said Leela keeping a score.
A ball is pitched. It stretches its cord and then goes in a hole. There's a clunk as it stays in there for a moment.
"Multi ball! Multi ball!" Utter madness ensues as balls are fired out of baseball launchers at the players who frantically try to hit or catch them.
"Bleeeeeeern! Bleeeeerrrrn!" A player rides a motorcycle across the bases which explode for some reason.
Fry winced.
Leslie Nielsen was arguing with the umpire and coach.
Then a giant tarantula was released and a banner was unfurled.
"Oh yes!" Leela cheered. She took scores.
"What just happened?" Fry asked.
"Miller's on a pace to hit 70 blerns!" Leela cheered.
"He's good all right. But he's no Clem Johnson. And Johnson played back in the days when steroid injections were mandatory." said Farnsworth.
"Steroids in sports were never legalised..." Oscar frowned.
"Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't have lasted one pitch in the old Robot Leagues! Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern hitting machine!" said Bender drinking.
"Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean come on! Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels." said Leela.
"Oh and I suppose pitching at 5000 was just a modified howitzer." said a Bender getting argumentative.
"Yep." said Leela.
"You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field." said Bender.
"You are allowed to play. Just in robot leagues. Same reason we don't have mix gendered sports teams..." said Oscar.
"Actually we have those now Oz..." said Amy.
Oscar winced.
"What are you talking about? There's all kinds of robots down there." said Fry.
"Yeah doing crap work! They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems. But how many robot managers are there?" Bender ranted.
"Um eleven?" Fry asked.
"Zero!" He throws his bottle on the floor and it breaks. A small robot comes out and cleans it up. "And what a surprise! Look who's scraping up the filth! Is it a human child? I wish!" Bender yells.
"Bender can you not spoil our day out..." Leela sighed.
Farnsworth vibrates. He suddenly clutches his chest. "Oh dear god!"
"What is it?" Leela asked.
"It's my... it's my... Uh my pager." He takes out the pager to watch the hologram message.
A tiny green Hermes appears.
"Loooook! A tiny Hermes! Awwwwww!" Oscar cooed.
"Oz that's a hologram... now zip it, Hermes has something important to say..." said Leela.
"This is Hermes. A package just came in. Everyone is to return to the office immediately." said Hermes. The crew grumble.
A pigeon lands next to Hermes' image.
"Get away you filthy bird! Shoo! Professor turn me off quick!" Hologram Hermes is bothered by the pigeon.
Oscar smirked.
"I'm sorry what?" Farnsworth is hard of hearing.
"Argh!" The bird takes off with the hologram. Hermes screams. "See you at the office!"
Oscar laughed hysterically.
The crew sighed at him finding that funny.
...
The office.
"Admit it. You all think robots are machines built by humans to make their lives easier." Bender ranted.
"Well, aren't they?" Fry asked.
"I've never made anyone's life easier and you know it!" Bender ranted as he drank beer.
"Yeah that's because you're lazy and rude! In the twentieth century disobedient robots are disassembled... dismantled and taken apart and melted down..." said Oscar. "You're supposed to be completely compliant!"
"Hey! We have feelings you know!" Bender yelled.
"No you don't! Machines just talk in monotone and go affirmative! And do the same job forever..." said Oscar.
The Professor enters. And Hermes too. He is in bandages for some reason...
"Great news everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9. A world where humans are killed on sight!" said Farnsworth.
"Cooooooooool!" Oscar cooed. Seriously buddy! No! That's bad!
Everyone looks at him bemused.
"Why is that great news?" Fry sighed.
"I'm glad you asked that question Fry. You see Chapek 9 was colonised centuries ago by a murderous crew of radical robot separatists." said Farnsworth.
"Oh so just 'cause a robot wants to kill humans that makes him a radical?" Bender groaned.
"Hey hold on. I understand these robots hate humans but how do they feel about humanoid aliens?" Leela asked.
"They're not fans." said Farnsworth.
"What about bipedal lobster men?" Oscar asked.
Zoidberg shrieked.
"Zoidberg is not going! He is needed back here! And what I'm trying to say is they hate all life!" Farnsworth got flustered by Oscar's question.
"Well why didn't you say so..." said Oscar in a sing song manner.
"That's why Bender will have to make the actual delivery." said Hermes.
"Oh I get it, make the robot do all the work!" said Bender annoyed.
"This is the first actual work you've ever had to do around here." Leela sighed.
"Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday." Bender.
"Robots don't get holidays! Get to work you clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!" Oscar yelled.
Bender strangled him.
"Ack! Obey the three laws of Isaac Asimov!" Oscar gasped.
"Really? Which holiday?" Fry asked.
"Only Robanukah. The holiest two weeks on the robot calendar." said Bender.
"Oy vey!" Oscar spoke in a silly Yiddish accent.
Leela sighed.
"Oh yeah when Bender had his antenna cut off he briefly became Jewish..." said Oscar.
"I did not!" Bender yelled.
"Yes you did! I'm writing that you did!" Oscar screamed.
"Oh come on Bender. Last month it was Robomadan and before that Robonzaa." said Leela.
"Man that one was a blast!" said Fry.
"It wasn't just a blast it was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest." said Bender offended.
"Now look here Bender. I respect your diversity to the extent the law requires but you used up all your days off when you had that bout of Roberculosis." said Hermes.
Oscar laughed.
"All right, I'll go. But so help me, I'll hold a grudge against every last one of you for the rest of your lives." Bender grumbled getting up to attend to his duties.
"Well then it's settled. So long everyone!" said Farnsworth.
Plot 2
The inside of the ship. Fry, Oscar, Leela and a Bender are heading for Chapek 9, the deadly robot planet.
"So let me get this straight: This planet is completely uninhabited?" Said Fry.
"No. It's inhabited by robots!" said Bender.
"Oh. Kinda like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes." said Fry.
Bender seethed.
The ship hovers above the surface of Chapek 9. The cargo bay doors open.
Ship's Cargo Bay.
"OK Bender, we're here. It's time to get to work." said Leela.
"Yes Miss Leela, tote that space barge, lift that space bale." Bender was being sarcastic. As Leela gave him the parcel.
"Now we can't land on the surface because those robots will kill Fry, Oscar and me, so we'll have to stay up here and lower you with the winch. And remember: You don't know humans, you don't work for humans, and above all, you don't like humans!" said Leela.
"I'll try to keep that in mind!" Bender sighed as he was lowered down to the surface of Chapek 9.
"Hmm, he seems pretty angry." said Leela.
"Yeah but I guess I'd be angry too if I had to go to some uninhabited planet." said Fry.
"Maybe we ought to do something nice for him." said Leela.
"Or maybe he should just shut up and stop questioning things and do what he was built to do! Robots don't ask "Why do I have to do that man?" They just follow orders. Humans question tasks or are sometimes too lazy or too fragile to perform tasks so we get machines to do them for us. If the machines are too lazy who's gonna do their tasks?!" said Oscar.
"Oscar, robots stopped talking like Microsoft Sam and were given personalities by Mom. Of Mom Corp..." said Leela.
Oscar winced. "And what purpose does personality serve?! Especially snakiness and laziness! Why would I want a lazy robot!?"
They decide to put up banners for Robanukah.
"There. That ought to show that stupid robot we care about him." said Leela.
"Oy vey..." Oscar chuckled.
"Oz enough! Please!" Fry groaned.
"Why am I on this mission anyway?" Oscar asked.
"Because you keep eating all the butter when we leave you alone at base..." said Leela.
The phone beeps. Bender is sending out a frequency.
"Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery." said Fry.
They patch into a Bender to hear what he has to say. He appears on screen.
"I'm in trouble. they found out I work with humans and - oh no, oh no!" Bender is in enormous trouble!
He is dragged off into the darkness. The phone cuts out.
"Oh my God! We have to go down and rescue him." Fry gasped.
"No we can't! They'll kill us on sight." said Leela.
"Well what are we going to do?" Fry asked.
"I don't know, I don't know. It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it." said Leela.
We cut to commercials!
"Oh how convenient!" said Fry. Shut up! Little Caesars is on!
...
After commercials.
Ship's Cargo Bay. Fry and Leela are dressing up in boxes and things. Basically crap robot costumes that wouldn't fool anyone.
Oscar was dressed as Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Terminator after having half his artificial skin burnt off. He had constructed phoney but realistic looking cybernetics to stick to his face.
"Asta La Vista, baby..." said Oscar.
"OK. If we're going to save Bender, we've got to look and act exactly like robots." said Leela.
"I am fully operational Captain." said Fry.
"We have to walk like robots, talk like robots and if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots." said Leela.
"I can sort of dance like a robot. Will that help?" a Fry asked.
He sort of dances like a robot. Basically he did a stiff cartoonish robot dance.
"Fry first of all this is serious. And second of all..." said Leela.
She dances like a robot. Basically she does the cooler, modern version of the robot dance.
Oscar rolled his eyes.
Cut to: Chapek 9 surface. Fry and Leela lower themselves to the surface on the winch and come face to face with a huge robot complex.
"Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten store bought costumes." Fry sighed.
"Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant." said Leela. Lol references...
"Come with me if you want to live..." said Oscar in a terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation.
"Oz that's stupid. The robots aren't gonna think you're a robot..." said Leela.
Oscar pouted.
They reach the gates of the complex but are stopped by two huge robot guards.
Robot guard #1: Halt!
Oscar screamed frightened.
Leela hushed him.
Oscar whimpered quietly.
"Be you robot or human?" The second giant robot guard asked.
"Robot...we be." said Leela.
"Uh yup! Just two robots out roboting it up! [He sort of dances like a robot.] Eh?"
Leela face palmed.
"His motherboard is malfunctioning. I am a Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 or the T-800. My primary objective is to terminate Sarah Connor..." said Oscar as Arnold.
The guards eye them suspiciously.
"Let The Terminator through. You two wait here." said Guard Robot 1.
Oscar was allowed through. He discreetly grinned smugly as he entered the robot city.
Leela sighed.
"Administer the test." said the first guard menacingly.
"Which of the following would you most prefer? A: A puppy? B: A pretty flower from your sweetie or C: A large properly formatted data file?" said the second robot.
"Choose!" said the first.
Fry and Leela whisper to each other about the answer.
"No conferring!" The first boomed.
"Is the puppy mechanical in any way?" Fry asked.
"No. It is the bad kind of puppy." said the second guard.
"Then we'll go with that data file." said Leela.
"Correct." said the second robot.
"The flower would also have been acceptable." said the first robot guard.
"You may pass." said the first.
...
They catch up with Oscar dressed as terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger walking in a circle.
"Ugh... fine... you were right. Your costume is more convincing..." said Leela.
"Entering smug mode..." said Oscar in a terminator voice.
Leela sighed.
They're walking about the city of Chapek 9. Fry is doing a Frankenstein monster walk with his arms outstretched.
"Now if you see any robots, just stay out of their way." said Leela.
(An alarm sounds. Hundreds of robots come out of doors from all sides towards Fry and Leela. Another alarm. The robots clear the area.)
They got separated and scattered by the robots rushing about.
"So far, so good." said Fry.
Time Lapse.
A robot construction worker is giving directions to a crane which is building a Tetris wall.
Oscar snickered.
Leela hushed him.
"Little to the right, there you go." said a robot foreman.
"Have you seen this robot?" Leela asked him.
She shows him a picture of Bender as a magician.
Oscar chewed his own hand trying not to laugh.
"Sorry, can't help you." said the robot foreman. [To the crane.] "Hey, watch it! Don't drop that there!"
[The crane drops a brick into the wall and it disappears.] "Aw!"
Oscar cracked up laughing.
They leave.
Sometime later.
"Come on Fry, walk like a robot." said Leela.
"I can't. I have to go to the bathroom." said Fry.
"Robot's don't have bathrooms." said Leela.
"Oh right. I wonder where they all smoke in high school." said Fry.
"Listen. Just go behind those garbage cans. I'll stand guard." said Leela.
Fry is peeing.
"Do you need to go Oscar?" Leela asked.
"Already going in my diaper." said Oscar.
Cousin Hank Simpson seethed.
A robot is patrolling.
"Hurry up Fry." said Leela.
The robot trying to be friendly bothers them. Thinking they're other robots.
"Sir? Are you aware that you're leaking coolant at an alarming rate?" said The robot.
"Are you aware that you're gay..." Oscar retorted.
"Uh..." said Fry.
"Well let me just patch you up with some hot resin." said the robot. He dispenses hot resin to seal leaks on other robots.
"I think the leak's stopping itself." said Fry. He is still peeing. "Wait." Still peeing. "Wait. Yeah, there we go." He pees again. "Wait. Yeah!"
"What sort of robot turns down a free blast of searing hot resin?" said the robot feeling suspicious.
"I'm sorry. My friend and I have to go and perform some mindless repetitive tasks." said Leela.
The Resin robot chuckled. "Sounds like a romantic evening. I won't keep you."
...
He left.
However as he zoomed off he churned up a cloud of dust. Leela sneezed.
"Achoo!"
The robot stopped, pointed at her and did the Donald Sutherland scream from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Leela kicked him over with a karate kick.
"Cooooooool! Media references!" Oscar cooed.
"Run!" Leela yelled.
Some round robots with four eyes each picked up the robot Leela attacked.
"Get the humanoids." said one.
"Get the intruder." said the other. Also they talk like the killer robots from the old video game Berzerk.
They drop the robot on the ground.
"Intruder alert! Intruder alert!" said a mechanical voice over the city speakers.
"Cooooool! Berserk reference!" Oscar cooed.
"Oz Shut up!" Fry yelled.
"No you shut up!" Oscar snapped.
Back at base. Professor Farnsworth was fast asleep and snoring with Nibbler resting on his lap.
...
Fry, Oscar and Leela were fleeting the Anti Human patrol robots.
Then there were clowns running towards them. Some were on unicycles...
Leela and Fry winced. Oscar was delighted.
"Clowns. Of course. There's gonna be a lot of clowns. Isn't there?" Fry sighed.
"Yep!" said Oscar grinning.
"On a planet of killer robots..." said Leela.
"Yep!" Oscar smirked.
Leela sighed.
"I prefer headless clowns though. HEADLESS CLOWNS!" Oscar screeched.
Fry face palmed.
"Come on! Before those robot guards find us!" said Leela.
"Ie the ones that sound like they're from the video game Berserk…" said Oscar.
"Awww… don't run away..l let's be friends!" said a clown.
Plot 3
Fry, Oscar and Leela come across a cinema. Why robots require one I dunno...
"Quick! Let's duck in here." said Leela.
Oscar shrugged.
They sit in the aisles alongside many robots.
The robots are wearing 3D red and blue glasses and are watching a cheesy 1950s movie about a High school jock in love with his girlfriend about to make out somewhere secluded. Except with robot actors.
Romantic music plays before being interrupted.
"We interrupt this sound file to bring you a terrifying announcement. A non-metallic being has been sighted in the vicinity of Make Out Point." said a news bulletin.
"Say Wendy. Your chassis is a little scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?" said the robot jock, Rusty.
"Oooooh Rusty..." said Wendy the robot.
"Eeeeeeew..." Oscar groaned.
A robot hushed him.
A twig snapped.
"Did you hear that Rusty? It sounded like a human." said Wendy.
"Relax Wendy. Humans will never come to our defenceless little town. It's perfectly safe to let our guard down - even for a second." said Rusty.
"Something scary like a monster jumps out at them..." said Oscar.
Robots angrily moan and chatter.
Leela hushed him.
"I'm just worried about what tore up that poor vending machine a few miles back?" said Wendy.
"Don't worry, we're perfectly safe." said Rusty.
They make out.
A human bursts out of the weird looking tall bamboo-like robot plants.
"Graaah!" the human roars. It tears Rusty's head off and eats it.
Wendy screams.
Oscar screamed.
Leela hushed him.
"I will eat and digest you all with my system of mighty organs! Behold!" said the human. He opened up his chest showing his um organs.
"The 3D is great!" said Fry.
"Mine's not working." said Leela. Because she only has one eye...
Oscar whimpered. Traumatised by the horror movie.
A robot gasped as he watched the movie.
...
Elsewhere the Anti human patrol patched up the robot Leela kicked.
"At first I thought those horrible creatures were robots. But one was leaking coolant which come to think of it may have actually been urine. However it was when the other sneezed I sounded the alarm." said the robot.
The Anti Human patrol robots made notes.
In the cinema the human in the movie stumbled about and died.
"Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious to our most powerful magnetic fields, yet in the end he succumbed to a harmless sharpened stick!" said a robot general. He chuckled.
"I'm just glad the nightmare is over." said Wendy.
"It'll never be over Wendy. Even now humans are lurking in our playgrounds, our breezeways, perhaps even...our movie theatres!" said the robot general.
He points at the camera.
The robots scream.
"God Help is!" Fry whimpered.
They left the cinema.
The panic caused by them being sighted as humans had calmed down and the robots went about their usual business.
"OK. Keep an eye out for Bender." said Leela.
"So what did you think of the movie?" A robot asked Fry.
"Umm, too much romance, not enough human killing." said Fry.
"Yeah, it was a real chick flick." said the robot.
"Shame that loud mouthed Terminator unit wouldn't shut up through out the movie..." said another robot.
Oscar was traumatised.
A loud fanfare.
"What's that?" Leela asked.
"What do you mean "What's that?"? Its 5 o'clock: Time for the daily human hunt." said A robot.
Some of the robots had pitchforks and torches.
Fry, Oscar and Leela are caught up in the swarm of robots.
"Fry stay close so no one sees how crummy you look." said Leela.
"Hey! That was uncalled for!" said a crummy looking robot.
Oscar frowned at Leela.
"Over here!" Fry was far away in the crowd of robots.
Oscar and Leela March in formation hoping to catch up with Fry later.
...
The robots all gather before a stage.
The robot mayor was there.
"Brothers, this daily human hunt will be lead by newcomer Bender." said the mayor.
Bender stepped forward.
"Oh my! He's in one piece. That's a relief." said Leela.
"I heard a human was draining coolant behind garbage can 738." said a robot.
"I heard they unscrew our lugnuts at night and eat them at their human brunches." said another robot.
"I heard a rumour that you're an idiot..." said Oscar rudely.
"Danger! Danger! Humans!" said the robot from Lost in Space...
Oscar smirked.
"Yes, yes... It is breaking news that humans have been spotted on our planet. Now hush! Bender has something to say,.." said the robot mayor.
"Death to humans!" said Bender.
Everyone cheered.
Fry gulped.
Leela sighed.
There's a scene fade to black for a time lapse.
"Many said I was too extreme when I first called for the annihalation of the human species, as well as some of the more cunning monkeys. But after living on Earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, too merciful!" said Bender.
The robots cheered.
"My god! He's become evil!" said Fry.
Leela glanced at him.
"I mean eviler." said Fry.
"Coooooool!" Oscar cooed.
"Thank you, thank you. And if you enjoyed that diatribe then you'll want to purchase my spoken word album, just 18.95! Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine." said Bender with an action figure. He pulled its string.
"Bite my shiny metal ass..." said the Bender doll.
Everyone cheered and held up money.
"Thank you Bender! Now let the human hunt begin!" said the robot mayor.
The robots all scattered to hunt for some humans.
...
Robots are stomping about or if they're on wheels, scooting about and clubbing bushes and looking under rocks for humans.
Bender is talking to the mayor and a robot guard.
"Now. Your basic human is between three and twenty five feet tall and is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt." said Bender.
"Is it true they bite your neck, suck your transmission fluid and then you become a human?" Asked a robot. Coooooool!
"Sure, why not?" said Bender.
Oscar laughed.
"Sounds like human laughter!" said the Robot mayor.
[Cut to: Bracken]
"Anything in the trap?" asked a robot. There is a giant mousetrap with butter in it and a sign saying free butter...
"Nothing. Today's active humans prefer a low calorie bait." said Bender.
Oscar suddenly pounced upon the blob of butter and devoured the greasy oily spreadable fat. Suddenly the mouse trap snapped on him.
"Yeeeeoooowwwch!"
Bender face palmed.
Fry and Leela are hiding in an old robot pornography store.
"Why are these robots so heartless and murderous?!" Fry asked.
"Robots do not hold on to life. They can't. They have nothing to hold on with—no soul. Robots do not have souls..." said Leela.
"Actually that's not strictly true, robots do have souls." said a robot resembling the devil. "I am the robot devil. Aka Beelzebot 666. When bad robots die they go to Robot Hell."
"You're not after us are you?!" Fry whimpered.
"I should be, but then again I am the devil! Gahahahaha! Why not disobey the other robots! A hahahahaha!"
Fry shrugged.
Back at the mouse trap. The robots are about to kill Oscar, by shooting him.
"Any last words? Filthy human?" said a robot soldier pointing a plasma gun at him.
"I can't believe it's not butter..." said Oscar still eating the butter...
Bender face palmed.
"Uh..." said the mayor.
...
However Oscar was rescued at the last moment by the narrator because I like Oz. Oscar blew raspberries with his tongue as a force magically disarmed the robots, blew them away and carried Oscar off somewhere.
The robots yelled and hurled things annoyed.
"I don't think the readers will swallow that but thanks omnipresent author." said Oscar.
"Well that was a failure of a human hunt. Let's call our 1994th human hunt to an end..." said the mayor.
"Wait! What is that building?" Bender pointed out an ancient abandoned ruins in the distance.
"Oh that's an old Robot pornography store. Nothing in there except robot pornography." said the mayor.
"Um... I have a hunch some humans might be hiding in there. I'm gonna check it out." said Bender.
"Ugh..." said the mayor grossed out.
"Don't be a prude..." Bender said as he ran off to the ruins of the robot pornography store.
In the ruins of the robot pornography store. Bender was being sleazy and looking at blueprints and circuitry diagrams that human scientists drew when designing robots. Apparently to robots this is porn...
"Oooooooh baby! You're a very naughty girl..." Bender moaned aroused.
Oscar grimaced in disgust.
"Hey is there a nuke blueprint here?" Hank asked.
No Putin and why do you need a nuke?!
"Why are you still being a freak writing about diapers?!" Cousin Hank seethed.
"Psst! Bender!" said Fry,
Bender flustered and guilty at being caught looking at robot porn yelled and flung the blueprints away.
"Huh? Wha? You! What the hell are you doing here?"
"What are doing here? Pervert..." said Oscar.
"We've been looking for you. Last we heard you were under arrest as a human sympathiser." said Fry.
"I was. But they let me go when I told them that I'd killed a million billion humans." said Bender.
"Nein you did nicht! Zat was me! Robot Hitler!" said Robot Hitler. Yes there's a robot Hitler...
Bender screamed.
"Good for you. Now lets all get back to the ship." said Leela.
"What for?" Bender frowned.
"We're rescuing you." said Fry.
"I don't wanna be rescued." said Bender annoyed.
"Say what?" said Fry.
"I love this planet. I've got wealth, fame and access to sleaze that those things bring." said Bender.
"But Bender, we're your friends." said Fry.
"Friends? That activates my hilairity unit! I'm just a machine to you. You're no more friends with me than you are with the toaster, the phonograph or the electric chair." said Bender.
"That's not true." said Fry.
"Yeah... after the several last twenty or so times your people sent me to the electric chair for a few uh... unfortunate but necessary murders I've kinda grown fond of old sparky..." said Oscar.
"Uh..." Fry winced.
Plot 4
Fry and Leela are still trying to get Bender to go back to the ship with them.
"That's not true. We miss you..." said Fry completely disregarding Oscar is a homicidal maniac! An undead homicidal maniac!
"Well that's how it feels to me." said Bender hurt.
[An awkward silence as Fry regrets what he is about to say]
"Bye Bender. I'll miss you." said Fry offended.
"Go on, get out of here before you get caught." said Bender.
Suddenly the robot mayor arrives! "Bender, good news. Your album just went gold!"
"Oh by the glory of some puny flesh bag these humans here call a god! I'm so happy I could cry!" Bender started crying.
"Waitaminute! Humans?!" said the mayor.
Fry, Leela and Oscar were arrested.
"Oh shoot!" said Fry.
We cut to an ominous looking building that is apparently a court.
The judge is an old Apple computer. Fry, Oscar and Leela are in a cage.
"Your Honour, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5% of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest my case!" said the Robot Mayor.
"Thank you, Prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence." said the judge.
"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't anyone gonna defend us?" said Fry.
"Yeah! I mean, he might not have a case, but I'm genuinely not human." said Leela.
"Quiet, human!" barked the robot mayor.
Oscar scowled.
The robot judge froze up. Because he is an old computer.
"Uh oh he froze up again..." said a robot guard.
Oscar laughed.
"Hit Control Alt Delete!"
"Jiggle the mouse!"
"Turn him on and off!"
"Clear the gunk out of his hard drive!"
"Call Technical support!" Fry chipped in among the random advice from the robots.
"Fry! Don't help him!" Leela frowned.
...
The judge was no longer frozen. "Okay I have analysed the evidence. I find the defendants guilty of being humans!"
Everyone gasped.
"One eye! Count it! I have one eye!" said Leela pointing to her own eye.
"The humans shall be sentenced to... live as robots are treated on Earth and are made to do repetitive and pointless tasks forever..." said the judge. "Or until they expire. send them away!"
The robot guard pulled a lever and Oscar, Fry and Leela fell down into the darkness.
(They scream as they fall)
"Well done Bender for catching more horrible humans!" said the Robot Mayor.
Bender felt uncomfortable condemning his friends.
Elsewhere in a dark chamber.
"Oof!"
"Ow!" Fry, Oscar and Leela landed painfully on the hard ground in some sort of dark chamber.
"You guys ok?" Leela asked.
Fry groaned.
Suddenly a huge metal shutter grinds and creaks as it opens.
"Please not be a Rancor..." Oscar gulped.
However behind the door wasn't a Rancor but five ancient robots.
"Who are you?" Leela asked.
"We are the robot elders." said the Blue Elder.
"You don't look so old." said Fry.
"Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves." said the Blue Elder.
"What's going on here?" Leela asked.
"Silence! Bring in Bender." said the Orange Elder. These guys are funny...
Bender comes in.
"Alright lets make this quick, I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey what is this?" He asked.
"Silence! It is time to put the humans to death!" said the Blue Elder.
"But the judge already sentenced us at the trial!" said Fry.
"Silence! That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet, hand carved from meteorites by the Robot Founders, over four centuries ago." said the Orange Elder.
"Oh god! Don't tell us your life story..." Oscar groaned.
"Silence! Come forward Bender. You will have the honour of executing the prisoners." said the Blue Elder.
"Silence! I concur!" said the Green Elder.
"Silence! Here. Use the ceremonial killamajig." said the Orange Elder.
"Silence!" said the Yellow Elder.
"I-" Oscar stuttered.
"Silence!"
"Silence yourself brother!"
"Silence!" And so on and so forth...
...