Hell Is Other Robots. Bender has an addiction to Jacking on. Zapping himself with electricity. To better himself he joins the religion of Robotology. However he annoys everyone with the new righteous personality of his, so Fry and Leela get him to sin and commit crimes again. However the Robot Devil takes him to Robot Hell.
Plot
The title gag is "Condemned by the Space Pope." The Space Pope is a reptilian alien dressed as the pope.
"Theeeeee Space Pope." said an alien voice.
There's no classic 1930s Looney Tube short this time.
...
Madison Cube Garden. A giant cube structure labelled as such.
"Didn't that used to be..." Oscar asked.
"Madison Square Gardens, yes." said Leela.
"Wooooot! The Beastie Boys rock!" Fry cheered.
Leela sighed. She felt indifferent about the whole outing.
They are then in the seat aisles of the arena. They take their seats and wait for the Beastie Boys gig to begin.
"This is awesome! I've been waiting a thousand years to see a Beastie Boys show." Fry cheered.
"You never got to see them during the twentieth century?" Leela asked.
"Nope, couldn't afford to go to any gigs on the wage Mr Pannucci was paying me." said Fry.
"Can I get anybody a beer?" Bender asked.
"Sure!" said Fry.
Bender got out a plastic cup and put it under a beer tap inside his torso compartment. He pressed down his antennae repeatedly. Beer was dispensed into the cup. He gave the cup to Fry.
Fry takes a long slug of beer from his cup.
"Leela?" Bender asked.
"I can't. I'm flying the ship back home." said Leela.
"Don't ask me. Leela won't let me drink, I'm too young..." said Oscar annoyed as uh he likes being drunk.
"Yeah... You get yourself a soda kiddo..." Bender chuckled giving him change.
"Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down some old, old, incredibly old school beats: The Beastie Boys!" said an announcer holding a microphone.
Everyone cheers.
"The Beastie Boys are not affiliated with Beast Boy of Teen Titans." said the Announcer.
Beast Boy, a green skinned, vegetarian shapeshifter sighed and crossed his arms.
Scruffy the janitor wheels the heads, in jars, of the Beastie Boys on stage and puts them on a table.
Dancers wearing black pick up the heads of the Beastie Boys and dance with them.
The Beastie Boys sing Intergalactic.
(Lyrics. Google them, I ain't posting them in my story.)
While singing they they also thanked Kool Moe Dee for influencing and inspiring them.
"Kool Moe Dee! Kool Moe Dee! Kool Moe Dee!" Bart Simpson as a head in a jar cheered.
"Bart for the last time! No! We are not calling Eric "Kool Moe Dee!" Geez..." said Marge as a head in a jar.
Eric Simpson as a head in a jar winced at his older brother.
Leela is scanning things with her wrist gadget thing.
"Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate." said Leela delighted.
"I believe that qualifies as ill. At least from a technical standpoint." said Bender.
Oscar is dancing and grooving.
Fry is standing away from them trying to look aloof and cool.
"Will you guys shut up! I'm trying to look cool."
"Awww come on Fry..l have fun..." said Oscar.
Fry dances. However his style of dancing is old fashioned and lame.
"Okay... maybe you stop dancing, right now..." Oscar groaned embarrassed by Fry's dance.
The Beastie Boys are singing. One line is about doing the Flintstone Flop.
"Yabba Dabba Doooooooo!" Fred Flintstone cheered.
Fry winced. Yeah Fred is there...
People are waving zippo lighters, alight with flickering flames about.
"Drop!" said Mike of the Beastie Boys. The dancers threw him into the crowd. the crowd, crowd-surfs him as he splashes about in his tank.
"Ow! How's it going? Ow!" He vanishes into the adoring crowd of fans. "Don't forget to pick up a T-shirt!"
"Wow! An old-fashioned mosh pit! Come on, guys. Tonight we're gonna party like its 1999 ... again." said Fry.
Prince as a head in a jar sang 1999.
Oscar laughed.
Bender sighed. "Fine..."
They hop in the mosh pit area.
Everyone rough houses playfully.
Beastie Boys sing about how they like their coffee.
Leela gets bumped around by the playful fans.
"Ow! Hey, watch it!" She yells.
She gets shoved again.
She gets mad...
She elbows someone in the face, backward punches someone else, kicks someone else, punches someone else, and then does a full circle flying kick that knocks everyone around her over.
Fry gasped horrified she was in a frenzied rage.
"No! Leela stop!"
Leela is punching someone.
"Leela it's just playful rough housing!" Fry explained in a whining tone.
"Leela calm down! You'll get us kicked out..." Oscar frowned.
...
They are all sitting down in the seats again listening to the Beastie Boys sing.
"Man, these guys rock harder than ever!" Fry cheered.
"Rocking?! nah bruv... They're busting sick rhymes. They're mad yo..." said Bart's head in a jar talking stupid.
"Ugh! I hate it when people talk that way." Oscar groaned.
"Well whatever lingo you use, these guys are great Fry." said Leela. "I haven't been this excited since they finally released Banjo Kazooie 3 aka Banjo Threeie."
Bender winced. "Banjo Kazooie GBA doesn't count as a sequel to you then..."
"Considering it's a midquel, no..." said Oscar.
Elsewhere Farnsworth is on a desert planet. He sees a mirage of Mom when she was younger. Later on it is revealed they used to be in love.
"Oh my..." He gasped.
"It's a mirage..." said Hermes.
I could go on and have let's say Zapp accusing Kif of sabotage but that would be cheeky...
Back at the gig or concert. The Beastie Boys finish singing.
"Peace, we're out!" said the Beastie Boys. Scruffy wheels them off stage.
One of the fender amplifiers is a robot. He recognises Bender.
"Hey, Bender!" said the fender amplifier robot.
"Hey, Fender! Man, I haven't seen you since high school. You still workin' at Jack In The Box?" Bender asked.
"Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band!" said Fender.
"Aww yeah! That's great! Unlike some of my old high school friends..." Bender sighed. In the background was the whaler-bot in a barrel who recognised Bender when the crew went to the moon. The Whaler-bot sobbed and wept.
"Wait just a darn tootin' minute!" Oscar cut in. "You're Bender right? And his Fender..."
"Your ears obviously work..." said Bender agitated.
"OMG! Fender Bender! Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed. That's slang for a minor car crash that only lightly damages the car.
Bender growled frustrated with Oscar.
"I can get an old pal back stage with the band." said Fender.
"Sweet!" Fry was eager to get to see the Beastie Boys.
...
Backstage, Beastie Boys' dressing room. The band are receiving head massages. The massages were sabotaged... Hehehehehe...
"Aw! Oh, yeah!" said Mike of the Beastie Boys. The massage soothed him.
Fender arrives. "Hey, fellas, hey. I want you to meet my friends, Bender, Fry and Leela."
Beastie Boys sighed.
"Y'know, we're really not that interested in meeting them." Ad-Rock sighed.
"Fender we have explained, countless times! Do not bring fans backstage..." Mike groaned.
"Wow! I love you guys! Back in the 20th century, I had all five of your albums." Fry was delighted to be in the presence of the Beastie Boys.
That was a thousand years ago. Now we've got seven." said Ad-Rock.
"Cool! Can I borrow the new ones? And a couple of blank tapes?" Fry asked.
The Robot Devil appeared in a burst of fire. "No you can not! Those artists worked hard on those albums! You disc burning pirates are stealing their wages!"
Fry sighed. "Okay... I'll go to the record store and buy them then..."
Fender has a better idea of a party. He turns down his volume to whisper to Bender.
"Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these organ sacks and hit the real party?"
"Count me in! I'm gonna drink till I reboot!" said Bender. The two robots leave.
The Beastie Boys sighed.
"I have a question!" said Oscar. The Beastie Boys look agitated by the three obsessed fans still there bothering them. "Why did you guys get back together? You swore never to perform ever again after Adam died."
Matt Groening appeared in a flash. "That hadn't happened yet when I wrote this episode."
"Well you should have conceived the idea that we are in the future and therefore long after Adam died..." said Oscar.
"Oh, and I suppose I should conceive the notion that psychic penguins from the sun might freeze time in 2030 AD?!" Matt Groening yelled.
"Do not mention the psychic sun penguins!" Oscar rasped with a demented look on his face.
"Security..." Mike of the Beastie Boys calls for security.
"You guys got Cookiepuss's number?" Oscar asked. The ice cream cake, not the subject of their song Cookypuss.
"Cookiepuss... I will eat your soul! Mwuhahahahaha!" Satoshi the eat of souls laughed.
...
Fender and Bender have a party of their own.
Fender pushes a button on a wall and a futuristic slidey door hisses and opens. In the dimly lit and cramped room sat three robots plugged into a strange device sat in the middle of them. It discharges electricity and shocks them. They groan and are possibly high on something.
"Uh..." said Bender.
"OMG! They're doing drugs!" Oscar yelled horrified.
Bender rolled his eyes.
"Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker." Bender looked around annoyed by the lack of booze.
Oscar winced. "That is one weird looking hooker..."
"Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking on!" said Fender. That is what the zapping thing that is happening to them is. Also it sounds dirty...
"Well I am gonna be jacking off..." said Oscar. He goes off screen to do just that... We hear loud aroused moans and yells.
"Oooooh! OOOOOOOOH! Mmmmmmmm!" and so on...
Bender gags grossed out.
Fender plugs himself in and gets zapped. "Aw yeah..." Bender gawked at him when he offers him a jack cable. "Try some..."
"Uh, hey, I'm no square but isn't that counter-indicated by my operations manual?" said Bender.
"No you're not a square, you're a triangle..." said Oscar from off screen.
Robots laugh at Bender.
"Counter indicated!" A green robot chuckled.
"Come on, Bender, grab a jack. I told these guys you were cool." said Fender.
"Well, if jacking on'll make strangers think I'm cool, I'll do it!" said Bender.
The Looney Tunes, Disney, The Smurfs and Alvin and the chipmunks gasp horrified.
Oscar winced.
"Have a Jolt Bender..." said Fender holding the jack cable.
Bender plugs himself in and gets shocked by the electricity jolts. He gets high...
Bender has visions. Sitar music plays as he falls into a motherboard that ripples and splashes as it becomes liquid. Then he flies around an atom and eats the electrons. "Nom." Then he eats the core, where the protons and neutrons are. He giggles.
He then dances with an electric eel in a rainbow coloured aether.
Oscar teleports into Bender's subconscious. He winced when he saw him dancing with a giant electric eel.
"Okay I'm pretty sure that is indecent somehow. I think I will conjure up a dancing barbershop quartet of hotdog wieners." said Oscar.
"Dance with us Oz! Dance with us into oblivion!" said the hotdog wieners while dancing.
Oscar was in a trance from his madness.
In reality Bender has rainbow coloured eyes and is jabbering while being zapped.
Fender unplugs him. "Easy, baby. You don't wanna get hooked on this stuff."
"Eh, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality." said Bender. He smokes a cigar, drinks beer, reads some robot pornography and then plugs himself back in to Jack On again.
Plot 2
Planet Express Headquarters, dining room. The lights flicker as if something is using up all the power.
"What is that?!" Leela asks while muttering to herself as she reads a gossip magazine.
"I dunno mon, but our electric bill is higher than Alyssa Milano." said Hermes.
"Uh Hermes, Alyssa Milano is already mad at Family Guy for making that joke..." said Oscar.
The lights flicker again.
Bender enters the room wearing sunglasses.
"Hey Bender." said Oscar.
"Shut up meatbag. I'm going out with Fry." said Bender.
"Sure why not." said Fry. His hair puffs out into a Napoleon Dynamite style from static electricity emitting from Bender.
Oscar laughed.
Bender and Fry go out.
A bad neighbourhood. Apartments are boarded up, windows broken and sirens are wailing.
Fry grimaces as he sees a hobo asleep in the fast travel tubes.
"Hey, uh, Bender? What are we doing in this bad neighbourhood?" Fry asked Bender.
"Hey! Hey copper top! I have gills for you! Maybe a Gorgax arm? Tentacles?" The back alley surgeon with a Balkan accent called to Fry from across the street.
Fry went over there but Oscar grabbed his leg to stop him. Fry sighed as he dragged Oscar with him.
"Shut up, square! " Bender yelled.
"He's not a square! He's a triangle! A scalene triangle!" Oscar yelled as Fry dragged him across the road as Oscar in a vain attempt to stop him visiting the dodgy surgeon guy would not let go of him.
Bender sighed exasperated.
"I'll be in Sparky's for just a minute." said Bender wearing shades.
"Okay Bender." said Fry dragging Oscar with him as he headed to the back alley surgeon guy.
Bender went into Sparky's. His shades fall off revealing his eyes are glowing blue with bolts of plasma flickering about in them like a plasma globe.
A few hours later...
An owl hoots.
...
Oscar is now leaning bored on a streetlight whistling.
Bender stumbles out of Sparky's. He falls face down in a gutter.
The Preacher-bot, a robot reverend/vicar arrives.
"Wretched sinner unit! The path to robot heaven lies here..." said the Robot reverend with a Jesse Jackson accent. He gives Bender a floppy disk. "The good book 3.0."
"It's the 31st century, why would we regress back to floppy disks..." said Oscar.
Preacher-bot sighed and fetched from his storage in his chassis a USB flash drive.
"Also since you are a religious nut I shall mock you. Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Don't eat meat on Fridays!" Oscar ranted, taunting the robot.
Preacherbot tuts and tsks.
"Hey! Do I preach to you when you're lying stoned in the gutter? No! So beat it!" Bender yelled.
Michael Jackson suddenly appeared from behind a streetlight. "Eeeee-Heeeee!" Beat It plays.
Oscar grimaced exasperated.
The Preacherbot tuts and leaves.
"Who was that guy?" Oscar asked.
"Your mama!" Bender yelled.
Oscar sighed exasperated. "My mother is dead. I killed her!"
"Now shut up and drag me to work!" yelled Bender face down.
Oscar sighs and drags him to work by his legs.
"By the way, where is Fry?" Bender asked.
"Uh... along the way back to work we'll need to stop off at the florist to buy some white lilies, then we need to visit the undertakers..." said Oscar.
Planet Express Headquarters. Leela is more annoyed with Fry then upset.
"I tried to stop him, but uh he's bigger than me..." said Oscar.
Leela sighed with an understanding soft glance. "I know Oz."
"Also I learnt today that you can't donate both of your kidneys, you need at least one to live." said Oscar.
Hermes arrives. Everyone sits down to listen to him.
They notice Fry's absence, but the boss is talking.
...
"Our electric bill's climbing faster than a green snake up a sugar cane." said Hermes.
Oscar clapped sarcastically. "That's a lot more witty, and you didn't risk getting a lawsuit from a pissed off celebrity."
Hermes continues. "Obviously someone round been wastin' a whole heap a juice!"
Oscar stands up suddenly and furiously. "Look! Just because I like to take orange juice baths to repel the gays!"
Everyone is speechless and baffled.
"Well I bathe in a tub full of tangelos, to repel the clowns. Which is in no way offensive, Oz!" Billy from Endsville yelled.
"I meant the electricity mon!" said Hermes exasperated.
"Yeah the electricity bill has been rather high..." said Amy.
"Yes. And I believe the cause is... You!" Hermes points at Zoidberg.
Zoidberg screeched.
"Me?"
"Yes you!" Hermes hates Zoidberg for some reason.
Bender enters the room wearing shades.
"Good morning, Bender." said Amy politely.
"None of your business! Get off my back!" Bender snapped. He is acting shifty.
He runs to the restroom.
"What's his problem?" Amy asked.
"If I didn't know better I'd almost think he was abusing electricity." said Leela acting suspicious.
"Bender? No way! I definitely would've noticed something." said Oscar. The lights dim and flicker as the restroom glows with eerie blue flickering luminescence.
Leela sighed.
Leela gets up and knocks on the restroom door.
"Go away!" Bender yells.
"Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?" Leela asked.
"No. Go away!" Bender yelled.
In the restroom. Bender has attached jump leads to the fuse box. He zaps Fry's corpse with electricity to bring him to life Frankenstein style.
Leela shrugged as she can't see through walls takes his word for it and sits down.
...
Sometime later. Amy is frantically knocking on the restroom door and doing a pee pee dance.
"Go away!" Bender yelled.
"Bender! Ay! (She strains her voice as she curses in Cantonese.)"
Oscar is sat at the table with Leela.
"Thankfully I don't need to use the restroom as I just go in my diapers." said Oscarl
Cousin Hank Simpson seethed with rage.
Farnsworth comes in. "Sad news everyone." He sobs. "Fry was found dead in a back alley, both his kidneys had been removed by some quack surgeon..."
"Oscar has already informed me." said Leela.
The restroom door hisses and slides open. "I could go for some steak and kidney pis." said Fry.
Everyone gasps.
"HE'S ALIIIIIIIIVE!" Bender wearing a lab coat and goggles yelled.
"We can see that Bender." said Oscar,..
"Well that answers the electricity misuse." said Hermes.
Zoidberg sighs relieved.
"Awww phooey... I was gonna hire a new Fry..." The Professor sighed. "Oh well back to work."
Living room. Fry is watching All My Circuits with his shirt off. He has large eyes eithervside of his navel where his kidneys would have been. The eyes blink.
"I still think the extra eyes were a dumb idea..." said Bender.
A room upstairs. Oscar is lying on a diaper changing table while Leela changes his diaper.
"You don't mind doing this?" Oscar asked.
"I change Nibbler's diapers all the time. I don't mind." said Leela.
Oscar sighed relaxed.
"The difference is I find Nibbler cute!" Leela went all soppy over her pet, Nibbler.
Nibbler in his crib jabbered and made nonsensical cartoonish animal sounds.
Oscar pouted and rolls his eyes.
Cousin Hank seethed and went off to use a nearby suicide booth. Good riddance.
Leela stuck down the sticky tabs on Oscar's diaper to fasten it tightly.
...
The main room where the crew eats or has staff meetings. Farnsworth has more news.
"Good news, everyone! Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily 8, the Mob Planet!"
"Coooooool!" Oscar is delighted to be going there...
Amy sighed irked with him.
"Can I become a made man..." Oscar asked.
"Oh no..." Farnsworth smiled and chuckled.
Oscar frowned and seethed.
The restroom glowed with flickering blue light and crackling sounds of electricity.
"Bender, you are needed on this mission too." said Farnsworth knocking on the rest room door.
"I'll be just a sec." said Bender.
The room flickers and glows again.
Leela frowned.
Fry, Oscar, Leela and Bender are on the ship.
"Alright! The mob planet!" Bender cheered. "Uh I need the bathroom..." He heads to the restroom.
Leela frowned, thinking he was Jacking On.
"You crazy kid! I oughta make lasagna outta you!" Oscar was dressed as an old timey Italian mobster.
Leela sighed. "Guys this mission is serious..."
"I wanna have someone whacked by the space mafia though..." said Oscar whining.
Fry gawked at him.
They arrive on Sicily 8. It looks like an old Sicilian town with 1920's cars and mobsters shooting Tommy guns...
We cut to a restaurant. The Godfather or Don of a mob is offered a nice table.
"Your table, sir." said the waiter.
"You call this a table?! I wouldn't hit a guy over the head with this table!" The Don was angry. "Louie, take him outside..."
Two mobsters take the waiter out back. Possibly to kill him.
Fry and the crew deliver the subpoenas. Big Vinny, a mobster snogs Fry.
"Eeeeeew!" Oscar groaned.
The ride back home to Earth. The green Planet Express ship flies back home.
"I know Big Vinnie said he was giving me the kiss of death but I still think he was gay." said Fry.
"Did he use his tongue?" Leela asked.
"A little." said Fry.
"Then he's definitely gay... Shoulda used the Gaydar, Bender." said Oscar.
Bender was gnawing his fingers.
"Bender?" Fry asks if he is alright.
"Leave me alone!" Bender heads out to the sleeping quarters.
"He's up to something..." said Leela.
...
Later...
Leela is flying the ship. Suddenly the red alarm lights flash.
"Ah! What is that?!" Fry asked.
"Uh-oh. There seems to be some sort of electrical disturbance in the Coalsack Nebula." said Leela taking readings.
"What about the Nut sack Nebula? Gahahaha!" Oscar was being crude.
Leela ignored him.
"A what kinda disturbance?" Bender asked.
"Electrical. We will have to fly around it." said Leela.
However Bender wanted them to fly into the electrical storm. He goes outside the ship and pushes on the engines and redirects the ship into the storm. He laughs evilly.
"We're out of control. We're heading straight into the electric field!" said Leela trying to steer away from the nebula.
"What's happening? I feel weird!" said Fry. The electricity in the nebula has given him an Afro.
Oscar laughed at him.
Outside the ship Bender is sat on the ship so he can be zapped by the storm.
"Come on, universe, you big, mostly empty wuss! Gimmie all the juice you got!" Bender yells. He is zapped by lightning. His legs melt into a glob of molten metal. "Oh Mama..." He sighs.
Plot 3
Planet Express Hangar. Bender is stuck to the ship by his melted legs. Amy wearing goggles is using a jackhammer to chisel him off of the ship.
Oscar has his fingers in his ears with his teeth clenched because the noisy Jackhammer is irritating him.
Eventually Bender is separated from the ship and fulls with a clang. Amy winces when she hears him land on the floor below.
Bender looks up. Everyone including Oscar is glaring at him with crossed arms. Fry still has an Afro from the static.
"What?" Bender whined.
Later Farnsworth detaches his melted legs and attaches new ones from a crate labelled "Bending Unit spare legs and feet.
Everyone is very angry with Bender.
"Bender, we didn't mind your drinking, or your kleptomania, or your pornography ring." said Leela. Apparently that's fine but she draws the line at him zapping himself.
"In fact we loved you for those things!" said Zoidberg.
"Shut up Zoidberg." Oscar snapped at the lobster guy.
"His stealing bothers me! And the porn! Spleeeuck! Men and Manbots are so gross!" said Amy.
Leela sighed.
"But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us." said Leela.
"And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. Just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs and then he sold me my mom's VCR and then later I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend." said Fry with an Afro still.
Oscar upon glancing at him just for a second, cracked up laughing and could't stop.
Fry sighed annoyed.
Bender sighed. "You're right. I'm a lost cause."
"No, but you clearly have an electricity problem. You're a junkie for being zapped." said Leela.
"I need time to my self..." Bender was ashamed of himself.
"Okay but no more Jacking On..." said Leela.
Bender leaves, feeling sorry for himself.
"By the way, My friend Richie was doing heroine." said Fry.
"Nobody cares Fry..." said Oscar bored.
...
Bender is outside Sparky's Den. He is about to go in there but turns and sees the church of Robotology. Heavenly organ chords are heard.
"Maybe there's another way..." said Bender.
He's on the roof of the church near the neon letters. He plugs himself in to get some juice. "Oooooooh yeah."
The lights flicker.
A hobo drinking Malt liquor grimaced baffled.
However Bender stops. He is ashamed. "What am I doing? What have I become" He wept and sobbed.
"Huh?" He sees robots inside the church from the skylight. He leans on the skylight.
Homer Simpson is sprawled on the skylight too. Bender frowns at him.
"What?" Homer whines.
In the church. A sermon is taking place. Preacherbot speaks.
"I see a lot of fancy robots here today, made of real shiny metal. But that don't impress the Robot Devil, no, sir!" said Preacherbot.
Oscar arrives in a puff of smoke to annoy...
"What the F prompt?!" Preacherbot gasped.
Oscar clears his throat. "Ahem. "I see a lot of fancy robots here today, a lot of fancy robots with real shiny metal asses..."
Everyone feels self conscious about their asses.
Preacherbot frowns at him.
"But." Oscar snaps his fingers. Shania Twain's head in a jar appears on the altar.
"But that don't impress uh me much!" She sang. Loud guitars play.
The Preacherbot seethed annoyed.
Oscar chuckled.
"No sir." Everyone replies as if Oscar wasn't there.
"Cause if you're a sinner, he's gonna plug his infernal modem in the wall, belchin' smoke and flame. And he's gonna download you straight to Robot Hell!" said Preacherbot being hammy and overacting as he goes into the old fire and brimstone routine.
"Oh. Does Robot Hell have broadband then?" Oscar asked.
Preacherbot seethed.
...
The roof of the church. Bender rolled his eyes as he saw Oscar juggling and chatting, possibly about stupid things.
"Straight to hell!" said a Verger robot. What's a Verger?
"So I ask you: Who will stand up and be saved? Who? Who?" asked Preacherbot.
The glass skylight cracks. "Uh oh." said Bender. He falls screaming and lands on the church floor. "Me..." He groaned.
Planet Express Dining room, during a meeting. Hermes is making cutbacks.
"And as a further cost-cutting measure, I have eliminated the salt-water cooler." said Hermes.
Zoidberg is outraged. He leapt out of his seat. "This is a witch hunt!"
"It is? Then I accuse Amy of being a witch!" Oscar yelled.
Any frowned at him.
"Burn her! Burn the witch!" Oscar yelled.
Professor Farnsworth sedated him with a sleeping drug. Oscar falls fast asleep.
"Thank you Professor." said Hermes.
"And another cost cutting measure-" said Hermes but Bender arrives singing.
"Oh, what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day!"
Everyone gawked at him.
"Oh god! He's melted his motherboard..." Oscar decided Bender had lost it.
"Greetings, friends. Don't we all look nice today?" said Bender politely.
"Great! He's whacked out on electricity again." Fry sighed.
"No Fry my old bean. I am whacked out on life! I have found religion!" said Bender.
Everyone is slack-jawed and speechless.
"Religion? Is this another scam to get free yarmulkes?" Fry groaned.
Oscar laughed. "Oy vey..."
Fry sighed exasperated with Oscar.
"Now Fry, Religion could be a good thing for Bender. It might straighten him out." said Leela.
"Well, yes..." said Farnsworth.
"Oh yeah." said Any.
"Whatever Mon." said Hermes shuffling his papers.
"How wonderful." said Zoidberg.
"Great. Then you'll all come to my exceedingly long, un-air-conditioned baptism ceremony!" said Bender.
...
The Church of Robotology.
Bender goes through the rites of Robotology, a bit like a Christian baptism to become a member of Robotology.
"We are gathered here today to deliver brother Bender from the cold, steel grip of the Robot Devil unto the cold, steel bosom of our congregation." said Preacherbot.
Oscar cracked up in shrill laughter. "He said bosom!"
Robots muttered offended.
Leela hushed Oscar. "Oscar this is very important and sacred to Bender, and if it helps him turn over a new leaf we should respect it..."
Oscar sighed and settled down.
"Tell it, Preacher!" said a robot.
"That equals true." said another.
Preacherbot put his cold steel claws upon Bender.
"Brother Bender, do you accept the principles of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation in Robot Hell?" said the Reverend.
"That I do." said Bender.
"Just say yes..." Oscar heckled.
"Then I will now baptise you." said Preacherbot. A keyboard emerges from the jukebox shaped robot reverend. It emerged with a whirling sound. "Press any key to continue."
Bender was stumped. He gawked at the keyboard and rubbed his titanium head. "Uh... where's the Any key?"
Homer's head in a jar laughed. "I knew I made that boo-boo once!"
Marge hushed him.
"That means pick any key ya moron!" Preacherbot got impatient and broke character.
"Oh yeah..." said Bender. He pressed a random key. Gospel music played.
A giant mechanical claw picks up Bender an dunks him in a barrel of oil. The barrel is labelled High Viscosity Baptism Oil.
"High Viscosity?" Fry asked.
"That means in laymen's terms, very sticky or gooey. That stuff must be like treacle!" said Professor Farnsworth.
Bender is removed from the oil. The thick oil is oozing and dripping from him. Preacherbot welds the symbol of Robotology onto his chest door.
"Uh, while you're at it, could you touch up this seam?" asked Bender pointing to where upon him a human has their armpit.
Preacherbot welds his armpit. Bender chuckles because it tickles him.
...
Bender, to celebrate, takes everyone out for dinner at Elzar's. Inside Elzar's, which is a fancy restaurant.
"This is unbelievable. The old Bender never would have taken us out to dinner." said Leela.
"The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble you anymore." said Bender holding her hands like couples at dinner do.
Oscar wept and started crying.
"Oz why are you crying?! The old Bender used to throttle you every time you made a needless, stupid remark..." said Fry.
Oscar glared at Fry.
"Would monsieur care to see the wine list?" A snooty French waiter arrived.
Bender took the wine list and shredded it with his mouth. He has various gadgets built into him.
"No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick with good old mineral oil." said Bender. He drinks the oil. "Ah, functional."
"Awww... I wanted wine..." Oscar whined.
Leela sighed disapproving.
"Why did you insist I wear a suit and tie..." Oscar groaned wearing fancy clothes.
"Because your turtleneck stank as if you hadn't washed it for weeks... Ugh..." said Amy.
Some time later, food arrives. Bender's dish is some blue flames.
"Mon, I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugar cane field!" said Hermes.
"You already made that analogy..." said Oscar.
"Fine... I'm hungrier than... John Goodman."
We cut to court. Hermes is being sued for annoying a celebrity. In this case John Goodman over his weight.
"You just had to mock another celebrity..." Oscar frowned.
"Silence in court!" said the judge whacking his mallet or gavel upon its base.
"Silence yourself human!" said a Robot Elder.
Oscar winced.
Anyway Hermes got fined and the crew returned to their table to enjoy their now cold food.
"Let's eat!" said Fry.
"Friends! Friends! Surely you're not going to eat before we say Robot Grace?" Everyone grumbles. Bender closes his eye shield over his eyes to pray. "In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the prophet Jerematic: 1000101010101..."
Some time passes. Everyone is bored and hungry.
Some time later.
"...0010110012. Amen." said Bender.
"Bender there's no 2s in binary..." said Fry.
"Shut up!" Bender yelled. "Oh I'm sorry Phillip! Let me strike myself!" Bender got out a whip from his torso cabinet of mystery and whipped himself for being rude.
Fry winced.
...
Still in the restaurant...
"Does that mean we can eat now?" Fry asked.
"Yes." said Bender. Everyone is about to tuck in. "But first, since I love you all so much, I'd like to give everyone hugs. Come here, Fry!"
He hugs Fry...
"Oh but I don't want to!" Fry whined. Bender cuddles him. Fry pats Bender reluctantly.
"Mmm! Mmm! Fry, you're my friend!" Bender makes very gay noises...
"Uh... Bender's gay..." said Oscar.
"Come on, everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear down some emotional walls." Bender wants to hug everyone.
"Uh..." said Leela.
"Ms Turunga Leela! Tear it down! Tear down this emotional wall!" said the head of Ronald Reagan as a head in a jar.
It had to be done! Gorbachev! Tear down this wall!
Everyone groaned and took turns hugging him.
Plot 4
Planet Express Hangar, Bender is welding something to the ship.
"What are you doing to my ship?" Leela frowned.
Professor Farnsworth coughs. "Ahem! My ship Leela! My ship."
"Oh yeah, sorry Professor." said Leela meekly.
"Sanctifying it! " said Bender. He had welded a Christian fish symbol to the ship. "There, that oughta convert a few tailgaters."
"Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts." Fry sulked.
"Amen." said Leela.
"If only he had joined a mainstream religion like Oprah-ism or Voodoo." said the Professor.
Oscar laughed hysterically. "Oprah-ism..."
"We need to get the old Bender back..." said Fry.
"Or we can convert him to Robot Judaism!" Oscar chuckled.
Fry frowned at him.
"I agree Fry, and I have an idea.. We get Bender reacquainted with a little of the old sleaze..." said Leela.
"Did you say you have to sneeze..." asked Oscar.
...
New Atlantic City, boardwalk. The Planet Express ship arrives and lands in the parking lot.
"Leela that is a disabled parking bay." said Fry.
"It's okay, I brought my blue disabled person card." said Oscar.
Leela is walking Nibbler on a leash. Nibbler is wearing his red cape and a diaper.
Oscar is walking Abraham, his melanistic black goldfish who is wearing Wernstrom's patented reverse scuba suit for fish to walk on land with.
Fry and Bender follow them, with no pets.
They all pass the Trump Trapezoid hotel.
"Booooooooooo!" Oscar jeers.
"Oh boo yourself!" said Donald Trump's head in a jar.
"I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic City. What are we delivering anyway?" Bender asked.
"This." Fry retrieved from his trouser pockets a half a packet of mints.
"And where are we delivering that too?" Bender asked.
"Here." Leela tossed the mints in a bin.
"That was a waste of mints... I have terrible garlic breath..." said Oscar.
...