GraveFart or Grave Fart. The Crew goes to Doohan 6 the Scottish Planet that is still stuck in the Jacobite times. They meet Nessie who can talk and wants to have their own syndicated talk show...
Plot
The title gag is "Melts in your gut, not your brain."
The short cartoon or old times comedy on the screen in the city fly-by is The Three Stooges in Plane Nuts.
The ship crashes into it as usual.
...
Planet Express lounge. Fry is slouching on the couch, draped over it like a jacket as he watches TV while eating potato chips.
"Oh Calculon.., I haven't felt so in love since I used to be a man..." said Monique smooching Calculon.
Calculon pulls away suddenly. "What?!"
"Meh... predictable..." said Bender drinking a bottle of beer.
Oscar was sat in an armchair playing a handheld gaming device. 8bit garbled sounds ring out from it and bloops and buzzes.
"Oz turn that down... I can't hear Calculon dying..." Fry groaned.
"Nope..." said Oscar playing his gaming device.
Teddy was curled up asleep on the couch next to Bender and on his other side sat Fry or rather, Fry was draped over the couch like a jacket.
Leela comes in unimpressed by their slothful behaviour.
"Fry! Get off the couch and look lively!" The purple haired cyclops nagged him.
"But Leela!" Fry whined.
"No buts! You're at work, not at home! Try to look busy!" Leela said sternly.
Fry sighed and got up and paced about.
"You too Bender! You're supposed to bending things!" said Leela.
"Okay, okay.., Mom..." Bender said sarcastically. He got up to ask the Professor for something to bend.
Leela frowned at Oscar who was engrossed in his handheld gaming device. "Ahem..."
"Yeah?" Oscar looked up from his device.
"You're at work! Put your toy away!" said Leela.
Oscar frowned and put his gaming device away.
"This is not how you are supposed to behave at your job! If I was your employer I would have sacked you three by now! But alas that power lies with the Professor..." Leela ranted.
"Chillax Leela..." said Fry.
"Certainly not! And why is your pet on the couch?! Shoo!" Leela shooed Teddy from the couch. Teddy woke up startled and scampered away somewhere.
"Fry, Oscar, you were supposed to be in the hangar an hour ago..." said Leela sternly.
Fry and Oscar sighed. They gave each other glares then looked away from each other and scoffed.
...
They all go to the hangar. Also the amount of people here that write hanger... sheesh!
"Good news everyone!" said the Professor. "We have mail!" Scruffy brings in the sack of mail. "Just leave it here Scruffy."
Scruffy the janitor mumbles and heads off to his closet to read porn...
Professor Farnsworth reads the mail he dismisses several bills. "Yeah how are you gonna enforce them Nixon...?"
Suddenly... "Bad news everyone... We have received a death threat." said Professor Farnsworth holding a letter. It's written in blood and the message "You will die!"
"I wonder who sent it? Mwuhahahaha..." Bender laughed evilly in a whispered tone.
Everyone gives him a hard look.
Leela takes the letter. "This is from the Robot Mafia." said Leela. "There's the Don Bot's seal.
Bender screamed and folded his arms, legs and head into his torso unit.
"Why would Bender be scared of the Robot Mafia?" Fry asked.
"Because they predominantly target other robots... meat bag..." said Bender withdrawing from his torso unit.
"So do they put robot horse heads in your bed? With the wires hanging out etc..." asked Oscar.
"No! They'll send Clamps after me!" said Bender.
Oscar was about to ask.
"Clamps is a yellow robot with clamps for hands... and a violent personality..." said Bender.
"You're violent to me..." Oscar whined.
"Shut up, little meat bag." said Bender.
"You almost had us all worried that one of our mortal enemies was after us..." Leela frowned at the Professor.
"Yeah that's a right kick in the teeth... letters from your mortal enemy..." said Bart Simpson as a head in a jar.
The doorbell rings.
"Leprechaun!" Oscar cheered.
Fry winced at him.
"Don't answer! It could be the robot mafia!" Bender whimpered.
"It's just the mail man..." said Leela. The mail man was at the door.
Teddy growled and his hackles fluffed up.
"Ted no! I don't want any more lawsuits from mail men you've mauled!" Oscar whined.
...
"Letter for Professor Farnsworth." said the mail man.
"Thank you." Farnsworth takes the letter. He reads it.
"Well?" Leela asked.
"It's from our latest customer, the Scottish Planet of Doohan 6, They want us to support their haggis exports by delivering haggis to Earth..." said Farnsworth.
"Why doesn't Earth make its own haggis?" Oscar asked.
"Sheep are extinct on Earth. They only still exist on Doohan 6...l said Farnsworth.
"Okay fine but my identical cousin Hamish gets to cameo..." said Oscar.
Leela face palms.
Everyone packs to go to Doohan 6.
"Oh by the way, I left a man-eating goat on the ship after our last trip..." said Oscar.
Leela frowned and rested her hands on her hips flustered.
"What? I sometimes Thanos things into existence by snapping my fingers." He demonstrates and a snarling slice of key lime pie appears.
The slice of key lime pie growls.
Leela face palmed.
"Look! Stop goofing off!"
Oscar frowned at her and banished the key lime pie.
"Now help Fry pack the crates on the ship." said Leela sternly.
"I don't want that slurs cancelling jerk helping me..." Fry ranted.
"They were making your soda from slime squirted out of a giant slug monster's butt!" Oscar yelled.
Fry pouted.
"You tried to put across the Professor was senile so no one would believe him! Well ya didn't factor me in did ya bucko!" Oscar got in his face.
"Guys don't fight... Fry Oscar was right to report about the horrible secret behind Slurm. That's disgusting... out of a giant slug's butt..." said Leela.
Fry seethed.
"Now come on... work together..." said Leela.
"Fine... but outside of work we're enemies..." Fry glared at Oscar.
"You're gonna be on a very long list of jerks who hate me..." said Oscar as they two reluctant colleagues pushed empty crates onto the Planet Express ship.
Leela sighed.
...
They then fly to Doohan 6.
Fry and Bender played chutes and ladders the whole trip.
Oscar blanked Fry and occasionally glared at him.
Deep underground in the ruins of the Slurm Factory.
"I'm ruined!" The Slurm Queen cried. She sucked on her own tail to drink her own unrefined Slurm...
Back on the ship. Fry was making dry lip smacking sounds. "Ugh... need Slurm..."
"Fry there are plenty of thirst quenching, tooth rotting sodas around that we're not squirted out of a giant slug's butt..." said Leela.
Fry seethed.
"Fry you were addicted..." said Oscar.
"I was not! You ruined a good thing for me..." Fry snapped.
Oscar rolled his eyes.
Bender moved his piece to the end square.
"Bender don't cheat... You rolled a two..." said Fry annoyed.
Bender scoffed and moved his game piece back to where it should be.
Teddy was sleeping.
"Stupid loveable fur-sack..." said Bender drinking beer.
Oscar winced at him.
"I'm not capable of being polite, imbecile..." said Bender.
Oscar sighed and played his gaming device.
"Grrrr... I can't take it anymore! I want my Slurm back!" Fry yelled.
"You also wanted gills numerous times and you drank an emperor. It's obvious you're a liability to our crew..." Oscar seethed.
Fry frowned at him.
"We should hire a singing tree." said Oscar.
"Uh... no..." said Leela.
"I don't like your Futurama stories either! Freak!" Hank screamed.
Oscar vaporised him with a ray gun.
"We're almost here." said Leela.
"Good, do I still have time to put on a kilt?" said Oscar.
Leela sighed.
...
Bagpipes shriek with horrific torturous notes as the Planet Express ship lands on a planet entirely based on Jacobite era Scotland. With added Sean Connery...
The crew are greeted by locals.
"Pleasure to meet you off worlders..." said a Scottish man or Doohanian with a thick accent. "The names McZongo, Angus McZongo, Major Angus McZongo, esquire..."
"Okay..." said Oscar.
"Also I'll be introducing myself again when we meet at a much later time..." said Angus.
Fry scratched his head confused.
"How does my kilt look?" Oscar asked. He had a red and black kilt on.
"You look gay..." said Bender smoking a cigar.
Oscar glared at him. "I didn't ask for your opinion you mechanical menace!"
Bender puffed rings of smoke from his cigar. Then he thought about killing all humans all day.
"Now how about you all get in from the could and get some strong stout down ya! Hoots mon!" said Angus.
Oscar chuckled. He wanted to get drunk.
"We're strictly on business. Your world wants us to deliver haggis to Earth." said Leela.
"Yes... the bone vampire plague of the 28th century was a curse on Scotland... Oh Bonnie Scotland..." said Angus.
"Bone Vampires?" Fry asked.
"More on those later on in our adventures..." Oscar winked at him.
"Well I insist you pups get in from the cold at least." said Angus.
Oscar sneezed. "Achoo! Bood ibea..." He said good idea but he was feeling bunged up from the cold weather.
"Yeah you even brought the Scottish weather here..." said Leela.
"Ach... 'tis true..." said Angus as they followed him to the village.
In the village. Everyone is still extremely superstitious like in most rural villages in period dramas hovering about the Elizabethan till the Jacobite times...
The villagers do cross gestures pitying the guests.
Fry shrugged. Leela returned with an equally baffled shrug.
"Ach! Doogan Moogan!" yelled a voice like Oscar's infuriating jabbering but with a heavy Scottish accent.
"Eh... Hey there Cousin Hamish..." Oscar sighed. There was a boy that greatly resembled him, except Hamish had bright carrot toned ginger hair...
"Ach! 'Tis that how you greet family?!" Hamish frowned.
"Hamish... I'm working..." Oscar sighed.
...
Outside a tavern. A Doohanian is playing the bagpipes. A wolf mauls him.
The guy screams as a huge black timber wolf mauls him.
Inside the warm tavern with a fire place.
Everyone agreed to have drinks until the dreary weather at least tried to improve. Guys it's a Scotland based planet... the weather is shit...
"I'll have a stout..." Leela sighed.
"Me too." said Bender.
"And me." said Oscar seeing if he could drink alcohol...
"Oz! Nae! You're only a wee pup like me!" Hamish exclaimed.
"Hamish I bet you Scots drink all the time..." said Oscar.
"Kids do not drink in the highlands..." Hamish groaned explaining to him that they had drinking laws.
"Do you serve any Slurm?" Fry asked.
"Ach... Nae..." said the bar keeper.
"Fry give up.., It's gone... It's never coming back..." said Leela.
Fry frowned.
Plot 2
It soon got dark.
"We really must complete this mission, it's time sensitive..." said Leela getting up to leave. "Come on Fry, Bender, Oscar..."
"Ach.. I wouldn't go out after dark Lassie..." said Angus.
"Why..." Bender asked.
"There be wolves out there..." said Angus.
"So?" Fry asked.
"Dire wolves..." said Hamish, Oscar's cousin. "they're like wolves, only dire..."
Oscar face palmed. "Really... We're doing that joke..."
Hamish smirked.
"Ach... take our advice Lass, wait till the morning..." said a Doohanian.
"Yesh... Shit down... relaxshhhhhh." said Sean Connery.
Oscar winced baffled.
"Did he mean sit or..." Fry asked.
"He clearly meant sit..," Leela sighed.
"Leela we should heed these guys' warnings..." said Oscar nervously.
"Fine..." Leela sighed. "Looks like we're spending the night on mission... I'll inform the Professor." She sends HQ a message via her wrist gadget.
Some time earlier when the were in the tavern. Earthworm Jim and Peter Puppy arrived.
"Great Caesar's ghost Peter! This place resembles the highlands!" said Earthworm Jim.
"I hope no one offers us Haggis..." Peter Puppy whimpered.
Jim rolled his eyes.
"Maybe we should get inside... find a tavern..." said Peter Puppy.
"Okay, but no fatties..." said Earthworm Jim.
Peter frowned at him, best not to ask about his shallow opinion about body shape..,
"Come on... I am craving the desire to munch on all this delicious dirt! Oooooh yummy..." said Earthworm Jim as um worms eat dirt...
Peter gawked at him. "Please do not start eating dirt..." He was embarrassed by Jim eating dirt.
Inside the tavern, Angus and Hamish order haggis.
"Ugh... please don't make me eat that.." Oscar groaned.
Hamish frowned at him.
...
Oscar was reading the menu, he really did not want haggis.
A fat Doohanian man wearing a green and red checkered kilt passes the table Planet Express and Hamish are sat at.
"He got a fat butt..." Oscar chuckled.
Hamish frowned at him.
"Honestly Oscar..." Leela sighed.
"Oh I might just have a pie..." Oscar sighed, put off by his cousin eating Haggis.
"I LIKE PIE!" Teddy cheered delighted.
Oscar face palmed.
Then suddenly a figure bursted in with lighting flashing outside for dramatic effect. Because that always happens in creaky old taverns.
Everyone gasped.
"Oh don't mind me, I'm just here for the dramatic effect." said the figure.
"We'll get in here ya daft eejit! Before you get a cold!" said the bar tender. The figure closed the tavern doors behind him and sat down.
"You fool! That could be Old Nick!" said Angus McZongo.
Fry was baffled.
"The devil in plain English..." said Oscar.
"Oh..." said Fry.
He almost choked on his lemon zinger. "This soda is terrible! I want my Slurm!" Fry ranted.
People looked round offended at the noise he was making.
"Fry accept it! Slurm is gone! They were shut down! No one wants to drink something that oozed out of a giant slug's butt..." said Leela.
Fry sighed.
"Uh hello, I might actually be a demon, or an evil spirit or selkie..." said the mysterious man.
"Since when does the creepy shadowy visitor who bursts in during the late evening highland fling openly admit his intentions?! People are supposed to die first before we twig that you're a demon..." said Oscar.
"McDougall is that you?!" asked a Doohanian man.
"Gahahahaha! McDoughall..." Oscar laughed.
Leela sighed. "I feel like calling it a night and going to bed..."
"Well I've just ordered pie." said Oscar. Teddy opened his mouth to yell about his love of pie again. "Ted you can have fish..."
Teddy sighed. "Yes 'tis true. I like fish but I can't yell silly things about it..."
"Ted stop yelling about pie..." Oscar groaned.
"Shut up, meat bag..." said Bender.
...
Bed chambers. Fry and Leela slept in separate beds.
"Awww... come on... put the beds together and do it..." A fat greasy nerd with acne wearing a Hypnotoad shirt whined.
Fry and Leela glared at him.
"Why does everyone try to ship us..." Leela sighed.
"I dunno..." said Fry.
"Well try to get some rest Fry." said Leela.
"You too, Leela." said Fry yawning.
"Kiss her..." said the fat nerd.
"Shut up..." Fry groaned.
"Freela is canon..." said the deluded fan boy.
Oscar's room. He gets his own room so he can be weird with his equally weird living teddy bear Teddy.
Oscar has stripped down to just his diaper.
Hank seethed with rage.
Teddy smirked, he sniffed Oscar's diaper with his big wet shiny black nose. His nose quivered and twitched.
Oscar giggled as he was ticklish.
Hank snarled and stormed out.
Teddy was still sniffing Oscar's diaper with his big round wet shiny nose. Oscar blushed and sweated. But Teddy kept sniffing him.
Oscar squeezed Teddy's big wet shiny nose. It squeaked like a squeaky toy. Oscar grinned and squeezed his nose again.
Teddy grinned and rubbed his nose. He sniffed Oscar's diaper again. Oscar laid on the quilt and whimpered. Teddy smirked and fetched his blue pacifier. Oscar winced. "I don't need my dummy! Just quit sniffing me there!"
Teddy chuckled and continued sniffing Oscar's diaper.
Oscar frowned and squeezed Teddy's big wet shiny black nose. It squeaked again.
Teddy grinned and pinned Oscar down on the bed.
"Uh... I don't like this ship..." said the Futurama fan boy feeling repulsed.
Teddy sniffed Oscar blowing his hair about. Oscar grimaced and frowned.
Teddy then smooshed his wet slimy nose against Oscar's nose, Oscar groaned as it felt slimy. Teddy rubbed their noses together.
"Get off... fish breath..." Oscar groaned.
Teddy grinned and retreated. He started sniffing Oscar's diaper again. Oscar blushed and sweated, then he grimaced embarrassed because he began wetting himself. His diaper made a muffled trickling hiss as he peed in it.
Speaking of which... Leela had to get up to change Nibbler's diaper. Fry slept soundly while Leela cooed in soppy baby talk to her pet while changing its diaper.
...
The next morning everyone got up at the crack of dawn. Planet Express had haggis to deliver.
Oscar yawned.
"Did you even try to sleep..." Leela sighed as he was often tired at work.
"Would have... but my pet was in a randy mood all night..." Oscar sighed referring to Teddy sniffing his diaper all night.
The crew of four packed the haggis into special refrigerated crates to keep them fresh.
"Won't you stay and watch the ol' caber toss?" Angus McZongo asked.
"Sorry but we have haggis to deliver..." said Leela.
"Ay..." said Angus McZongo.
"I'll be tossing a small fire cut log as I am just a wee bairn and can't lift heavy things..." said Hamish, Oscar's cousin.
"Lets get the hell outta here..." said Oscar wanting to leave immediately.
"Oz we will be making several trips to and back... The ship can't carry all the expected cargo at once..." said Leela.
"Ooooooh helloooooo hon!" said a camp voice.
"Who said that?!" Bender gasped.
"Up here dears!" There was a pink Loch Ness monster wearing a saucy Macarena Monster t shirt.
Oscar winced.
"Call me Nessie..." said the camp flamboyant monster.
"Right..." said Oscar dryly.
"I've always wanted my own syndicated talk show, like Jerry..." said Nessie.
Oscar face palmed.
"We don't have time for distractions or quirky characters..." Leela sighed.
Nessie sighed. "Pooper..."
Oscar's stomach groaned. "Please do not mention pooping..." His stomach groaned and caused him discomfort as if he needed to defecate.
Fry winced and grimaced repulsed.
"Shame ya missing the festivities lass." said Angus.
"And the premier of my talk show! A man is found to be cheating on his wife! Ooooooh! Shade!" said Nessie.
"Enough! You are not having a ridiculous talk show!" Oscar yelled.
Everyone gawked at him.
"Touchy..." said Nessie.
...
The crew finished packing. "Well set course for Earth, New Scotland." said Leela.
"Bon Voyage!" said Bender drinking wine.
"Bender that's French... We're going to Scotland..." said Oscar.
"Shut up, meat bag..." said Bender.
In the tavern, Peter Puppy was served haggis.
"Nooooooooo! Not the haggis!" He cried.
Earthworm Jim face palmed.
"Aww geez! Save the cowering in fear until I announce my presence!" Paycrow groaned.
Earth, Scotland or New Scotland. It is now horribly modern with skyscrapers and fast travel tubes.
"I hate it... no wonder humans colonised Doohan 6 and returned to simple country life of the highlands..." said Oscar.
Leela sighed. "Just deliver the crates round the back of that butchers."
Oscar seethed when he saw the butchers was ran by a green worm alien.
"Is nothing authentic anymore?!" He yelled.
Leela hushed him. "Oz, Earth is the centre of Doop alliances with other worlds and economies."
"Screw galactic globalism..." Oscar seethed. "Doohan 6 is what Scotland should still be..."
"Oz they had no internet... you got bored five minutes after we sat down for dinner last night..." Fry sighed.
"It was authentic though..." Oscar whined.
"Hmmmm... you have a point. I was like that about the moon and its phoney moon park..." said Fry.
Leela sighed.
"You should really blame Earth for entering the twentieth century then..."
"Sssshhh... do not insult Fox..." said Fry. They all gawk at the fourth wall...
"Okay that's the last of the haggis, let's bounce..." said Bender.
"You still have three more deliveries to make! Don't take so long this time..." the green worm alien said in an old wheezing voice.
Along the way back Bender wanted to fly into a nebula.
"No Bender... we have to stay on course..." said Leela.
Bender sulked.
Doohan 6, Earthworm Jim was literally eating dirt.
"Mmmmm... such good soil..." He munched on mud.
Peter retched and turned green.
...
In space. The Planet Express ship zooms past a Slurm billboard on a tiny floating rock. It is crossed out with a red cross and a message "Slurm Corp is liquidated, permanently."
Fry sighed and frowned.
They then passed a planetoid with a blond guy wearing green waving at them and smiling.
Oscar laughed.
Fry rolled his eyes at Oscar.
"Are you still mad about your gross soda..." Oscar sighed.
Fry sulked.
They eventually arrive back at Doohan 6.
"Finally... back to real Scotland..." Oscar sighed relieved.
He gets off the ship. His WiFi on his cell phone cuts out. "Oh for the love of!" He yelled.
Leela face palmed.
Plot 3
They arrived in town.
"Hi." said Fry.
"Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper, Snork!" said a raving maniac, or a drunk.
"MALKAFOFET!" Oscar screeched in indignation.
Leela face palmed.
"Kid, shut up..." Bender seethed at Oscar.
"Behave yourselves gentlemen! These off worlders had dinner with my great grampappy, Major Angus McZongo." said a Scotsman resembling McZongo but a tad younger.
"Great Grampa?!" Planet Express were baffled.
"Well ya see... when you travel slow enough through space, time slips by like sand..." said Angus IV.
"Uh...can our ship time travel..." Oscar asked.
"Certainly not! That's ridiculous..." said Leela.
"So our cargo is now just dust..." Oscar sighed.
"I told you to just go to warp 10..." said Fry to Leela.
Leela sighed.
"Well I better get indoors, I'm missing Talk with Nessie." said Angus IV.
The crew were baffled.
"Awwww crud..." Oscar groaned. Nessie got his talk show.
"We have to some how go back in time..." said Fry.
"Hold on.., I need a moment..." said Oscar. Teddy was sniffing his crotch with his big wet shiny black nose.
Fry winced.
"Stop that! You adorable fur bag!" Bender yelled.
Teddy sighed and retreated from Oscar.
"Great now I'm bored again..." said Oscar.
They contact the Professor about their issue... He is still alive somehow..."
"Well fortunately I have developed a time drive for the ship, head back to HQ and get it installed..." said Farnsworth.
The crew shrugged.
...
The crew gets the time drive installed and wraps back to the time they arrived shortly after delivering their first amount of Haggis to the worm guy.
"Now we just have to remember to warp back in time to shortly after we left Doohan 6." said Leela.
Bender murmured as gulped down a bottle of beer.
"Boy, I could go for some ice cream." Fry states licking his lips.
"Fry get on the ship..." Leela nagged him.
Fry reluctantly did so and they left.
"Good, now those jerks are gone, let's party." said Farnsworth. The other crew members party with disco lights etc.
The ship flew through space, occasionally getting into dog fights with space pirates.
"Keep on target Oz!" Leela yelled as Oscar, in the gun pod, blasted at the pirate ships.
Doohan 6.
They land, then time travel to a few hours after they left with the first load of haggis.
"Ach! Back so soon?" Angus McZongo asked.
"Angus McZongo?" Fry asked despately.
"Aye lad." said Angus.
"Major Angus McZongo, Esquire?" Leela asked.
"That's me!" said Angus.
The crew sighed with relief.
"Ye look like something terrible befell ya..." said Angus McZongo.
"Let's just say we let time slip away from us..." said Oscar.
"We'll we need your help now." said Angus. Botland Yard the robot police of Doohan need some fresh young detectives..." said Angus.
Leela sighed.
"Cool! I always wanted to be a detective." said Fry.
"Well we just time travelled so you can be a time detective..." Oscar grinned.
Flint Hammerhead winced exasperated.
Leela sighed. "Can you give us directions?"
"Certainly!" said Angus.
...
Botland Yard. Ie Scotland Yard but with robots...
The Planet Express ship is parked in front of the prestigious looking building which is a police station.
The ward of this station is run or commanded by a robot resembling URL of New New York police department except this robot wore a kilt and a tarn o'shanter hat, in his telescopic arms he held bagpipes.
"Ach! What he craven fools be doin' here?!" He spoke in a ridiculous Scottish accent.
"We heard you're hiring detectives." said Leela.
"Ach! Ye are mistaken! We are in dire need of janitors!" said URL, or Scottish URL.
"Oh... I don't want to be a janitor..." Fry whined.
"What do you need us to do?" Leela asked.
They are tasked with picking up litter...
"Leela why did you agree to this..." Fry griped.
Because Bob the narrator said so!"
"Uh... my name is Oscar..l" Oscar sighed.
In the desk room of Botland Yard, Bender dressed as Sherlock Holmes arrived.
"Who is this Bender? I am famed detective Sherlock Bolts!" said the bending unit.
"I'm Bender! Hey there!" said Bender.
"Such a crass bending unit..." said Sherlock Bolts.
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" said Bender.
"Bender just get back to picking up garbage..." said Leela.
"What brings you here laddie?" Scottish URL asked.
"A case involving a missing diamond!" said Sherlock Bolts.
Robot cops gasped.
"And hopefully a giant demonic dog..." said Oscar. You do know the Hound of the Baskervilles wasn't real in the end do you...
Oscar shrugged.
The litter pokers in the future acted more like leaf blowers and sucked things up...
Fry sighed as he collected litter or garbage as they call it in the States...
...
After clearing up the garbage during litter duty.
"If I see one more empty packet of potato chips..." Fry sighed.
"Kallae Kistnaeeeee..." Oscar rasped in gibberish.
Bender glared at him.
"What?" Oscar frowned at the robot.
"Someone needs to take you out deep into the woods and shoot you..." Bender muttered while slugging back a bottle of beer.
Oscar seethed, giving the mechanical construct a murderous glare.
"I concur... I hate the freak..." Cousin Hank muttered in a bitter tone.
Oscar snapped his fingers together. Hank immediately was set on fire and ran around screaming.
"I stated that you should go the way of a Ol' Yella too." said a chuckling person.
Oscar scowled. "And who might you be, jerk?!"
"Oh one of your few reviewers, on Episode 12..." said the person of no appearance.
"The Titanic episode? What did I do then that was so infuriating?!" Oscar snapped.
I don't think I'll get an answer...
"You have an unfortunate habit of making enemies Oz..." Leela sighed.
"They choose to fall out with me! Not my fault! Their's!" Oscar ranted. "Hank's a overly Puritan twat! Bender is just rude to everyone!"
Bender rolled his eyes.
"You hate me for getting your disgusting soda cancelled because it is extracted from a giant slug's butt!" Oscar yelled at Fry.
Fry sulked.
"And as for you! Putting LMAO doesn't make it funny telling me I should be shot in the woods!" Oscar yelled at his fan club.
"Ugh.. let's just watch the Doohanian men labouring..." Leela sighed.
There were Doohan 6 men, hefty, sweating, ginger haired men in kilts carrying cabers and pushing wheelbarrows full of bricks.
"Aye! Put yer back into it lads!" yelled the foreman.
"Is everyone loud and aggressive in Scotland..." Leela sighed.
"Seems like it... you're best off asking my cousin Hamish though... He's the Scot... I'm English..." said Oscar watching the Doohan 6 men build.
...
They get up to head back to the local inn they stayed in on their first night but spotted three familiar figures.
"Ugh... here's trouble..." Leela sighed.
From out of the pea soup fog that devoured the land and sky and everything else, stepped out Walt, Larry and Igner. Mom's sons.
"Oh for the love of Benji..." Leela sighed.
"Engie Benjy...?" Oscar asked.
Teddy, his living teddy bear creature face palmed.
"So... we meet again, Planet Express crew..." said Walt, the eldest brother. The black haired on.
"Gimme back my fortune!" Fry yelled. "I was gonna swim in my billions of dollars like Scrooge McDuck!"
Oscar winced at him.
"Fry, the fat guy off of Family Guy proved its not possible to dive into money and swim in it..." Leela sighed.
She frowned at the triplets. "What are you goons up to now..."
"Oh wouldn't you like to know..." said Walt smiling a thin, icy grin.
"Kinda... Then we could stop you doing something bad..." said Fry.
"Well too bad! No one will ever know our plans for the Doohan 6 diamond! No one!" Walt went on a laughing tirade then the brothers left.
Larry laughed maniacally too.
"Quiet you!" Walt slapped him across the face.
"Ow..."
Oscar grimaced baffled.
"Yiu think they stole the diamond?" Fry asked.
"If they did it's not our job to go after them. We're not cops..." said Leela.
"No we're vigilantes... who are better... they only go after real villains ie thieves and murderers and don't pick on people for forgetting to display their parking ticket..." said Oscar.
Leela sighed.
"Hey! My job is thankless and pushy sometimes!" said Chief Wiggum's head in a jar.
"Okay fine..l we'll follow those no good sons of Mom." Leela sighed.
...
The crew got back to work delivering haggis to Doohan from Scotland.
Suddenly in the fields near their ship, there was a ravenous, snarling, rancor like beast with foot long talons and a huge drooling maw.
It roared at the crew.
Fry screamed like a girl. Oscar frowned exasperated at him.
Suddenly the rancor ate itself. Yes it had eaten itself, defying the laws of physics in the process...
Oscar winced, baffled by what just happened.
"Okay..." Fry was perplexed too.
Then there was an evil suitcase.
"No! We are doing anything invoicing an evil suitcase!" Oscar yelled at the fourth wall.
A giant pencil tried to erase him.
"Why would a suitcase be evil..." Fry winced.
"It was stuffed with too much luggage!" said the narrator, the sexy narrator...
"Yeah that is pretty evil..." said Fry.
A frustrated tourist tried to shut the suitcase, but there were too many shirts in it, and they had not been folded properly.
"Enough of the suitcase! Let's wreak havoc upon the soap opera industry instead!" Oscar yelled.
"Oscar we're supposed to be delivering haggis..." Leela sighed.
"But the soap operas use the long lost dad storyline far too much!" Oscar lamented.
"Someone please kill him..." Bender groaned.
"I really could go for a taco right now..." said Oscar.
"Keep to the bloody script!" A hefty, hairy Scotsman in a kilt screamed at him.
Oscar frowned at the Scotsman. He packed the haggis into the ship to deliver to Doohan 6.
Meanwhile Sherlock Bolts, a robot resembling Bender but wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat and smoking a pipe went about asking people where they were when the diamond went missing.
However like every TV detective in every period drama ever, he only asked the wealthy duchesses and dowagers etc. Just once I wanna see Poirot interview a meth addict lying semi-comatose in a gutter! Enough of the rich people!
"Because poor people are too dumb to kill others off in an interesting way..." said one of the Poirot writers. Why he's in Scotland or Doohan 6 I have no idea, the suitcase screwed up the story...
Plot 4
A foggy area at night.
"Seems like the trail has ran cold, I can't see those three evil sons of Mom anywhere..." said Leela.
Bender scoffed.
"Speaking of cold... brrr..." Fry shivered.
"Yeah it's a Scottish themed planet at night... it's gonna be freezing..." said Oscar shivering too.
"We've been walking about this repeating forest for some time." Leela sighed.
"Yeah all the trees look the same..." said Fry.
An evil laugh rings out.
"What was that?!" Leela gets out her ray gun and points it about.
"Well nothing funny happened so why did they laugh?" Fry asked.
"That was an evil laugh..." Oscar sighed.
Teddy sniffed his butt with his big wet shiny black nose. Oscar sighed. "Ted quit it..."
Spooky piano keys jingle as a ghost appears.
"Whoa momma! That Meatbag is see through!" said Bender.
"Go away... Go away..." the ghost moaned.
The crew except Oscar trembled and whimpered afraid.
"Go now..." the ghost warned them.
"Shan't..." said Oscar in a defiant manner.
"Shall!" said the ghost.
Oscar frowned.
The ghost faded.
"Well that was something..." said Leela.
"I'll say!" said Fry.
"Maybe we should turn back..." Teddy whimpered.
"No. You're not scared of a hologram are you?" Oscar sighed.
"Oz that could be-" Teddy whined.
"A real ghost? In sci-fi?! Ha! There's likely to be scientific explanation of what we just saw..." said Oscar.
...