ManhunterThe Planet Express crew and DOOP while planet side are on Jarvis 1905, the mother planet, so Farnsworth can pick flowers for Mom. However a salt vampire attacks! However Oscar goofs off and annoys deciding it should feed off of other culinary condiments and seasonings.
Plot
"Captain's log, Stardate April, 3000 AD." Leela narrates the captain's log. "Our position, orbiting planet Jarvis 1905, aka Ann Jarvis, the mother world."
We pan about the green Planet Express ship which is orbiting a planed. "On board the Planet Express ship, I have left Oscar temporarily in command." Cue utter lunacy from him as he abuses his position of power!
On board the ship Oscar sat in the captain's swivel chair while wearing a napoleon hat. "My first act as captain is summon a dancing dinosaur!" He snapped his fingers, a diplodocus appeared and disco lights light up the now darkened bridge as the diplodocus wearing an afro wig danced and jived.
Fry gawked baffled.
"Oh for crying out loud…" Bender groaned in a vexed tone. Oscar had become the bane of his existence with his constant stupidity.
"Master Oscar, I must protest-" said the space elf crew member who lives and acts entirely by logic.
"And the dinosaur is wearing pants!" Oscar swiftly interrupted. The dinosaur has pants on.
"Uh…" said Fry in a confused manner.
"Pants made from live ants!" Oscar yelled. Ants crawl all,over the poor dinosaur.
Bender face palmed.
"Buddy please… quit wigging out…" Teddy whined. The living cartoon teddy bear creature with orange and yellow fur and a big round wet shiny black nose gawked at the dancing dinosaur swarming with ants.
"MALKAFOFET!" Oscar screeched in indignation.
Bender rolled up his "sleeves" as if getting ready to beat up someone, ie likely to be Oscar.
We pan outside the shop again. "It wasn't the best choice I know…" Leela sighed in narration. "But I sure as hell wasn't gonna leave Fry or Bender in charge…"
"And a clown with no head!" Oscar said in a cheery manner as he snapped his fingers and summoned the headless corpse of a clown.
Fry winced, freaked out and repulsed.
Teddy frowned at Oscar, even he had lost his patience with Oscar's antics.
"Oz can you please just-" Fry groaned.
"Look! I am temporarily captain! And I say there's a headless clown! HEADLESS CLOOOOOOWN!" Oscar screamed about headless clowns.
"Right that's it!" Bender strangled Oscar. The short, sweater wearing boy wheezed and gasped.
"Ack! Unhand your captain! Gah! (Wheezing)." Oscar struggled to breath.
Teddy shook his head softly.
We cut to the titles. The title gag is "Where no human or sentient being has gone before."
The retro cartoon is "All this and Rabbit Stew."
…
Leela then narrates to explain where she is.
"On the planet the ruins of an ancient and long-dead civilisation." Ie everyone there died at some point.
"Because of an ugly barnacle!" Oscar yells via narration.
Leela sighed flustered. She continues setting the scene. "Professor Farnsworth and myself are now beaming down to the planet's surface." They now have a beam teleporter thing.
"Our mission, to deliver a package to Mom." Why she's on a dead planet I have no idea… "Also the professor has permission from her to give her a medical check up."
"However there's a problem. One being that Mom is the Professor's ex fiancé, and two, that she's pure evil…"
The crew, especially Leela eventually came to realise that Mom is evil.
The ruins of an old city on Jarvis 2905. Leela is picking flowers.
"Shall we pick some flowers, Professor? When a man visits an old girlfriend she usually expects something like that." Leela asked.
Professor Farnsworth scoffed and gave her an irritated, stern look. "Flowers?! Is that what you girls want these days?"
"Well actually I find flowers on a date to be rather cliched…" said Leela.
Farnsworth snorted and turned up his nose.
Captain Kirk suffered a bout of comma misuse and long pauses. "Doctor, McCoy, this, mission, involves, yourformergirlfriend! Please! Try, not, to, get, tooinvolved!
"Damn it Jim! I'm a doctor! Not a Casanova!" McCoy yelled.
"May I remind Oscar that Star Trek is illegal in the 31st century…." Leela sighed.
Oscar muttered over narration.
"Well I hope Mom's in a good mood.
At Mom's ship, she is not in a good mood…
"Jam a bastard in it you crap!' Mom yelled.
Her three sons quivered nervously.
"I'm just so mad that I could just, URGHHHH!" Mom seethed.
"Uh mother…" Walt stammered.
"SHUT UP!" Mom yelled.
Walt retreated not wanting to be slapped again.
Mom gulped down a glass of water. "Ugh! Put some more salt in my drink you waste of egg cells!" Mom yelled.
"Uh yes Mother…" said Walt complying.
…
The Professor and Leela arrive at Mom's base of operations on Planet Jarvis 1905. She's not home.
"There doesn't seem to be anybody around, does there?" said Farnsworth.
"They'll be along. You rushed us down ten minutes early." Leela sighed.
"well I like to be early," said the Professor, polishing his glasses.
Captain Kirk suffered a bout of terminal comma misuse again, this time fatally. ",,,,,,,," Ie he just said commas and stutters.
"Damn it Jim! I'm a doctor! Not a grammar teacher!" McCoy yelled.
Leela sighed.
"Why am I doing this… I don't even like nerdy things like Star Trek… This guy does though…" said Oscar.
There was an ugly stereotypical fat, college aged nerd with spots dressed as Mr Spock. "Myaaaaaa, When does Kirk fight the Gorn?" There's no Gorn in this episode!
The Professor and Leela go inside the base, which has sliding and hissing Star Trek doors.
"Mom? The triplets? Larry?" Leela asked. The base was eerily silent.
"Nervous, Leela?" Farnsworth chuckled.
"No. are you?" Leela asked in a dry manner.
Yeah, a little bit, I guess. You see, we walked out of each other's lives ten years ago." said Farnsworth.
Leela groaned as he told his life story.
"You see, we were both mad scientists," Farnsworth explained. "But where as I mean my jabbering about atomic super men with octagonal-shaped bodies that suck the blood of the living in jest…." He chuckled. "Mom meant every cold, destructive whim that crossed her mind each day. Ie I wanted to make cuddly robot kitten toys, she wanted to make a giant robot kitten with laser eyes and send it rampaging across New, New York…"
Leela rolled her eyes.
"Of all the boneheaded ideas… why did I date that-" Farnsworth sighed.
They hear an older woman singing.
"Hubert?" Mom calls.
Farnsworth gasped.
Mom enters dressed in her mechanical suit that makes her look like a gentle, plump old dear instead of the sack of skin and bones she really is from her obsessive diet.
"Carol?" Farnsworth gasped.
"Ooooooh…" Mom almost swooned.
"Um… strangely enough I've forgotten my rant earlier Leela and I suddenly love Mom again." said Farnsworth.
"Oooooooh! You always did know how to be charming Hubert…" Mom fluttered a fan.
Leela retched.
…
Back on the ship. Oscar tormented Fry with a snarling slice of key lime pie and a singing mochi cake.
Fry sighed as a slice of key lime pie growled at him.
The mochi rice cake sang Frank Sinatra songs.
Bender seethed.
Back at Mom's evil base of operations.
'It's good to see you," said Farnsworth to Mom.
Mom giggled aroused.
"Let me look at you." Mom fondled her cigarette holding wand thing upperclass women use.
"You haven't aged a day," said Farnsworth seeing Mom as her past self when their relationship ended.
Leela winced.
Mom giggled. "You always did flatter me Hubert…"
"Oh this is my captain, Leela. She just flies the ship because I'm senile now… I still run Planet Express…" said Farnsworth.
Mom gave Leela a filthy look and gasped in disdain. "You always knew how to pick 'em Hubert…"
Leela saw Mom as her present self, an old hag trying to look like a sweet old lady who knits and bakes cookies. "We've seen all your announcements broadcasted in the mall."
"You stand in the mall all day listening to my commercials?! Um how wonderful!" Mom said with insincere joy. "Losers…." she added quietly.
A red shirt arrived.
"Oh! This is Darnell, one of our misfortunate and disposable red shirts." said Leela.
"Don't get to know him too well… He'll probably die horribly any second now…" said Farnsworth under his breath to Mom.
Darnell luckily didn't suddenly die horribly. Well yet….
Darnell sees Mom as a a very young blonde lady about Leela's age. Obviously something's not right here… "Hello Ma'am…"
"What on Jarvis 1905 is the matter Darnell?!" asked the Professor.
"Professor she looks nothing like she does in the pictures you have up in your laboratory of her…" said Darnell.
"What are you jabbering about?!" Farnsworth yelled.
"She looks just like that young lady we met on the Wrigley's pleasure Planet we visited last mission…" said Darnell.
"Where Oscar insisted its entire economy was Wrigley's chewable gum…" Leela sighed.
"A little less mouth, Darnell. You red shirts tend to die very quickly…" Farnsworth said with a frown.
"Sorry sir!"
Leela frowned. She put it together that the being was not Mom. She saw it as Mom as she is now, The Professor saw her as he left her all those years ago and Darnell was seeing someone completely different.
"Darnell step outside for a moment…" Farnsworth frowned.
"I'll step outside too Professor." said Leela going off with the red shirt.
"What? And let Plum examine me all alone?" Mom giggled.
"Plum?" Leela asked.
"Yes Plum…" Farnsworth sighed.
"It's my pet name for him…" Mom said giving Hubert a seductive smile.
Leela retched and gagged.
"Uh yes… you two wait outside for me," said Farnsworth as Mom dragged him off somewhere for some love making.
"I kept the boys busy…" said Mom giving him seductive glances.
….
Outside. Leela talked with Darnell.
"Don't fret. I believe you Darnell…. Something's not right… we're seeing three different people!" said Leela.
"Three?!" Darnell gasped.
"Old Mom, younger Mom and you say you saw a very young blonde lady…" said Leela.
Darnell nodded.
"I think we're dealing with a shape shifter…" said Leela.
The blonde lady was watching them from a rocky hill in the distance. She frowned.
"Anyway Darnell… why have you beamed down? I said stay on the ship…" said Leela concerned.
"Oscar's gone mad with power…" Darnell explained.
Leela frowned.
"He's acting like a fool…"
"In what way…" Leela asked.
"In that the whole ship is now on fire type of foolishness…" said Darnell the Red shirt.
Leela face palmed.
On the Planet Express ship everything was on fire.
Fry and Bender ran around screaming.
Oscar just sat at a small table sipping his tea. "This is fine…"
Back on the surface. Leela sighed slightly vexed. "I'll sort this…"
"You stay here." She beamed up alone.
"Why?!" Darnell asked.
"Because you're a red shirt and this is your cue to die horribly…"
Darnell winced.
Leela beamed out.
The blonde lady arrived. "It's quite warm here, isn't it?"
She beckoned him away somewhere… He likely died horribly off screen…
So I beamed up to the ship to sort out Oscar's mess. The Professor hasn't realised we're seeing three different women, three different looking Moms… Leela narrated.
Scary music plays…
…
Farnsworth waits for Mom in her bedroom.
Mom arrives in a skimpy costume. "Sorry, I just needed some salt water. My throat's sore…"
Farnsworth was too entranced by his ex girlfriend to question this. They embrace and smooch each other…
On the ship Leela puts out all the fire with an extinguisher.
"Maybe I was wrong to trust you with such a simple task…" Leela sighed.
Oscar frowned.
Fry had a smug look.
"Fry I still think you and Bender would have crashed the ship or sold it to Space moochers or drank an emperor again…" Leela berated Fry as she trusted him less than Oscar.
Fry sulked.
Plot 2
Later on the ship, Leela beamed down to rejoin the Professor. Not knowing of course that the red shirt had died horribly.
"A group of nerds is called a nerd herd." said Oscar, reinstated as temporary captain because Leela still felt Fry and Bender were worse crew members.
Fry winced baffled. "Okay…"
"I live in a nerd world country…" Oscar chuckled.
Bender slugged down a bottle of beer.
Leela meets up with the Professor as he is quickly doing up his shirt and putting his lab coat on while leaving Mom's bed chambers.
"Ahem just a routine examination," Farnsworth stammered.
Anyway in canon Nancy moved on from McCoy so cue awkwardness from Mom's current boyfriend…
"What in blazes?!" Wernstrom gasped.
"Wernstrom…" Farnsworth seethed.
"Farnsworth…" Wernstrom retorted.
"Your momma…" Oscar added. Wernstrom screamed like a girl and wept.
"Oscar you're supposed to be looking after the ship!" Leela hissed. Oscar beamed back up.
"Professor Wernstrom, I'm acting Captain Turunga Leela. This is-" Leela explained.
"The buxom Captain and the my arch nemesis cross interstellar space to preserve our health. Your sense of duty is overwhelming. Now will you please go back where you came from and tell whoever issues your orders to leave me and my wife alone. We need salt against the heat. Aside from that, we're doing very well, thank you." Wernstrom snapped.
"Salt… in water…." Mom asked for a glass of very salty water.
"Yes right away dear." said Wernstrom.
Farnsworth gasped, nearly swallowing his dentures. "You're both married?!"
"Well we did scream at each other and I wanted nothing to do with you when we broke up…" said Mom drinking a glass of very salty water.
Leela winced in disgust.
"I'm pleased you're doing well but I'm required to confirm that fact," said Farnsworth.
"You're just trying to get back with your ex…" Wernstrom glared at him.
"You're not making this easy…" Farnsworth sighed.
"Doubtless the good professor will enjoy prodding and poking us with his arcane machinery. Go away, we don't want you." Wernstrom seethed.
"What you want isn't important right now! Just let me do my job!" Farnsworth became agitated.
"But-" Wernstrom frowned trying to argue.
"We're doing this by the book," said Farnsworth holding a large red book.
McBain suddenly appeared and blasted the book to pieces with a large and powerful handgun. "Bye book…"
A studio audience laughed.
Farnsworth sighed.
"Come on Plum, take your medicine…" Mom sighed.
Wernstrom tutted.
….
Meanwhile life on the ship was mind-numbingly dull.
Oscar would give anything for a dog fight against Omicronians or something.
Fry and Bender were playing cards.
"Any threes?" Fry asked looking at his own hand.
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender yelled.
Fry frowned. Sometimes he wondered why they were friends.
Bender took a swig from his bottle of beer.
Fry sighed. "Do you have any threes or not…"
"Is this how you two spend your days off?" Oscar sighed, slouching in the captain's chair, feeling listless and glum.
"Shut up little meat bag…" Bender growled.
Meanwhile Oscar came up with zany ideas out of boredom.
"Like a 33.33 foot sentient hotdog man!"
Teddy winced baffled.
"Created by a fish-monkey man mime!" Oscar added.
Teddy face palmed.
"Shut up you nut!" Bender yelled.
Oscar scowled at the robot.
"Silence you nickel-plated nitwit!" Oscar snapped in the tone of Dr Smith.
Teddy sighed. "How about we have some private time in the holodeck…"
"Fine… but no ladies covered in ants with hats made of bread…" Oscar sighed.
Teddy whined.
Oscar and Teddy head up to the holodecks. They walk down the impossibly vast halls of the Planet Express ship.
Eventually Oscar found a holodeck and opened the sliding hissing Star Trek doors. He went inside.
Teddy got squished in the door. "Ow…"
Oscar chuckled.
Teddy frowned. Once he got free from the doors, he set the holodeck to a program to humiliate Oscar as payback.
Oscar winced as he was stripped of all of his clothes except for a white diaper. "Ugh… please no…"
Teddy grinned and scampered up to Oscar who gawked at him nervously. Teddy pressed his wet shiny nose against the front of Oscar's diaper and sniffed his undergarment.
Oscar blushed and sweated as he watched Teddy sniff his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
Oscar was very short for his age so diapers in the large sizes for handicapped kids still fit him. He whimpered submissively as Teddy was still sniffing his diaper.
Cousin Hank Simpson seethed.
Oscar sat up and frowned at Hank.
"Don't worry boyo, this man is a shab…" said a screaming leprechaun.
Teddy was still sniffing Oscar with his big wet shiny black nose.
Oscar frowned and squeezed Teddy's big wet shiny black nose. It squeaked like a toy. He grinned and squeezed his nose again.
…
Back down on planet Jarvis 1905.
A planet named after some numbskull who decided Mother's Day should be on a different date in America…" Oscar sighed.
Wernstrom is still arguing about having a medical examination.
"You just wanna show off your M.D, don't you?!"
Farnsworth sighed.
Zipping back to Oscar. "Maybe I should get a gold hair braid…" the goggle wearing youth pondered.
Teddy frowned. "Yeah so you can show it off…"
Oscar frowned. "I am the eyes of Vaal…"
Teddy made a cut the camera! gesture to the camera crew. We swiftly cut back to Farnsworth, Leela and Mom's crew.
Mom managed to get through to Wernstrom, ie by showing him who wears the pants in their relationship.
"He's all yours Hubert…" She winked seductively at Farnsworth.
"Sit down and breathe deeply, please…" Farnsworth asked Wernstrom.
Wernstrom sulked.
"Did I hear you call him Hubert?" Wernstrom asked.
"Yes… that's my name…" said Farnsworth. "Hubert J Farnsworth…"
"No what ai meant was, I was unaware I was expecting you…" said Wernstrom.
"Carol went off to fetch someone, you arrived so boldly with an attitude as usual, you young Turk. So I assumed.." Farnsworth explained.
"Carol never fetched me…" said Wernstrom.
Mom aka, Carol to her boyfriends had suddenly wandered off…
"By the all seeing eye of Vaal, you should check up on that bumbling red shirt…" Oscar's voice suddenly boomed and echoed in an eerie manner.
"Oz stop messing up the pacing…" Teddy groaned.
Farnsworth shrugged.
"Mom hasn't aged a day since our relationship fell apart.." he sighed.
Leela chipped in. "Uh Professor… she looks as wrinkled as usual, perhaps a few more weeks of wrinkles since we last saw her…"
"Pish posh! She looks young to me!" said Farnsworth.
"She looks like a fine piece of Turkish beauty to me…" said Wernstrom.
McCoy thought he was seeing a guy called Gary Mitchell.
They all realised something was very, very wrong…
"Whoever that is, that's not Mom…" said Leela unnerved.
A young man screams. Leela rushes out equipped with a phaser.
Red shirt Darnell has died. He is lying sprawled with a look of terror and agony locked upon his face forever.
The crew gasped.
Leela finds a leaf in his mouth. "The damn fool should know not to munch on strange plants before I scan them with my wrist gadget…"
"And look at these rashes on his face…" said Farnsworth.
"Could be a symptom of poisoning still," said Mom making excuses.
…
On the ship. A black woman clearly resembling Lt. Uhura is updating the mission records. Ie what happened today etc.
"Okay to pass the time, here's a joke. Why is Uhura black?" Oscar asked.
Fry gawked at him while operating the coffee maker. "What?"
"Because William Shatner… Gahahahaha! William Shat on her?" Oscar chuckled at his racist joke.
"That wasn't funny meatbag…" Bender sighed in a listless manner.
Oscar scowled. "Can I blow something up? Like a moon?"
"No!" Bender seethed.
"Why not? You're the reckless one… you should be encouraging me…" Oscar whined.
"Go away…" Bender seethed as he gulped down his fifth beer or so.
Oscar went off simmering with rage.
He heads back to the holodeck still clad in just a diaper.
Teddy scampered up to him and sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose. Oscar blushed and sweated.
"I nose you're the one for me…" Teddy laughed while smooshing is cold wet shiny nose against the fabric of Oscar's diaper. Oscar grimaced.
"Ugh! Wet nose…" he groaned.
Teddy smirked and sniffed his diaper. Oscar frowned. "Quit sniffing me there…"
Teddy gave him a devious smile and sniffed his diaper again. He wasn't gonna listen to Oscar's gripes.
Oscar seethed and squeezed Teddy's big wet shiny black nose. It squeaked like a squeaky toy. Oscar giggled.
Teddy smirked while rubbing his wet nose.
"Can you freaks do something else…" Hank seethed.
Oscar gave him a wrathful expression. "No because the ship has to stay parked near the planet Jarvis until Leela and the Professor beam up…"
Teddy was sniffing Oscar's diaper again.
Back on the planet, Leela examined the red shirt.
"Yes Leela, he's dead. As dead as a doorknob." said the Professor.
"He's dead, Jim." said McCoy.
A studio audience laughed.
Kirk then wanted to boldly go… to get some coffee.
"Curious… why these markings…" said Farnsworth.
"They look like suction cup marks from a tentacle…" said Leela.
Farnsworth rubbed his chin as he pondered.
Mom suddenly felt hungry for salt again.
"Werny… my salt tablets…" she rasped.
Leela frowned. "Why does she need salt?"
"Carol, what happened?" Farnsworth demanded from her.
"Well I… Surely you're not suggesting I killed him?!" Mom said sharply.
"Of course not! An alien throttled him then force fed him this deadly vegetable!" said Farnsworth.
Mom wiped her brow relieved.
"Look just tell us what you saw." Farnsworth asked softly.
"I was just. I couldn't find Werny and I was coming back. I crossed to your crewman. I wanted him to know I wasn't offended by the things he'd said back there. You remember. Then I, I noticed he had a Borgia plant in his hand." said Mom.
"And then?" Farnsworth asked.
"Well he took a bite and keeled over dead!" said Mom coldly.
Leela frowned.
"You don't believe me toots?" Mom sighed.
"Darnell wasn't suicidal…" Leela explained with a hard glance.
"This thing could still be on the loose. Carol, I'm beaming you up to the ship." said Farnsworth.
"Ooooooh! You do know how to treat a lady…" Mom giggled.
Leela retched.
Wernstrom glared at Farnsworth as they beamed up.
"Mmm… (Smacks lips) I need some salt…" said Mom.
"I'll handle provisions…" said Wernstrom.
Plot 3
On the Planet Express ship.
"Miss Wong, your last sub-space log contained an error in the frequencies column." said the logical space elf.
Amy scowled at him.
"She gave the Wong answers… Gahahahaha!" Oscar chuckled.
Teddy face palmed.
Any glared at Oscar. Oscar retorted by pulling at his eyelids and doing a Chnky face.
"Oz that's racist…" Teddy hissed.
"Miss Wong…" The space elf sighed.
Amy swore in Cantonese. "Ugh, sometimes I think if I hear that word frequency once more, I'll cry."
"Cry?" The space elf asked.
"Spluh…" Any rolled her eyes.
"Frequency…" Oscar chuckled.
Amy suddenly rose up from her chair and ran off sobbing.
Oscar smirked.
Teddy frowned at him.
"Do you ever watch the moon on lazy nights?" Oscar asked the space elf.
"Planet Santa has no moon.." said the logical space elf.
Oscar scoffed. "That's scientifically impossible. Without out a moon your ocean tides would be out of whack…"
"Planet Santa has no oceans…" said the space elf…
Oscar twirled his finger at his temple as if to gesture, "He's crazy…"
"Master Tamaki… why are you out of uniform on the bridge…" The space elf.
Teddy coughed, reminding Oscar without words that he was still wearing only his diaper.
"Uh… I'll be right back…" said Oscar rushing off to get dressed.
Hank seethed.
"Hey piss biscuit… quit picking on people for being colossal perverts! I'm programmed to lust over fembots as well as bend." Bender snapped.
Hank stormed off screaming.
Fry gawked concerned as he watched Hank go off ranting and raving.
"I still hate the little nut, but everyone here is turned on by something…" Bender sipped his beer.
"True, I like feet…" said Fry.
….
The bridge.
"Transporter room to Bridge. Landing party returning. They report one death." said Leela.
Amy rolled her eyes.
"Yeah a one off non-speaking character died…" Oscar snarked.
"Oscar that means acknowledge…" Leela sighed.
"Bridge acknowledges…" Oscar sighed.
The rest of the crew beam up.
"What a bonehead…" Amy sighed thinking about the poor red shirt.
Leela, Farnsworth, Wernstrom and Mom arrive in the bridge room.
Oscar scowled while spinning about in the captain's chair.
"Oscar out of the captain's chair… I'm back in command," Leela sighed.
Oscar muttered and returned to his post, the gun pod.
"Why is Mom here?" Fry asked.
"I'll field that question." said Farnsworth. "Mom is staying with us until we find the identity of whatever killed Darnell."
"The all seeing eye of Vaal says it's-" Oscar called from the gun pod.
"Oz don't spoil the episode…" Teddy interrupted.
Oscar sighed.
"Yeah so get used to me, you damn bastards!" said Mom yelling.
"That's Mom alright…" Bender groaned.
"Now where's your vending machine? I'm craving some potato chips…" Mom wanders off.
Leela winced. "Shouldn't we be watching over her wherever she goes?"
"Certainly not! Mom's our guest!" said the Professor being naive.
"Logically someone should escort the visitor and stay with them at all times…" said the space elf.
"Oh quiet you… no one likes you…" Farnsworth muttered.
The space elf rolled his eyes.
"Anyway, full steam ahead." said Farnsworth.
Leela face palmed. "Professor this is a spaceship… not a steamboat…."
"Whatever, haul the anchor…" said Farnsworth.
They head back to Earth.
…
The sickbay.
Darnell's corpse is being examined.
"Mom mentioned a Borgia plant." said Leela.
"I'll run tests on the plant." said Farnsworth.
"Whatever brainiac…" Oscar sighed.
"I still think we should keep an eye on Mom," Leela sighed.
"Will you leave her alone?! It's clear this man was stupid enough to eat strange alien plants…"Farnsworth snapped.
Leela frowned. Why is he protecting her? Even the real Mom wasn't to be trusted.
"I'll be in my laboratory, examining this killer vegetable," said the Professor.
"And I'll be texting Teddy eggplants." Oscar chuckled while on his cellphone.
Teddy retched.
"Will you stop freaking everyone out?!" Hank screamed.
Oscar vaporised him with his phaser.
Leela sighed vexed.
"He provoked me…" Oscar frowned.
"Oscar do you need those lungs…" Zoidberg asked.
"Yes… to breath…" Oscar sighed.
"How inefficient!" said the lobster doctor.
Oscar face palmed.
"Why are you here anyway?" Leela asked.
"What? I can't have my diaper changed on the operating table?" Oscar protested.
Later…
"Attention sickbay! Good news everyone!" said the Professor.
Everyone listened.
"Darnell wasn't poisoned!" said Farnsworth.
Everyone was confused.
"What do you mean?" Leela asked.
"This plant is cilantro. It's completely harmless, and tasty." Farnsworth ate the cilantro.
"But this man is dead!" Leela blustered.
…
They explained this to Wernstrom who is offended they now don't believe Mom.
"Damn you Farnsworth! She said she saw him eat the plant!" Wernstrom seethed.
"Well he didn't. And even if he had, it wouldn't have harmed him in anyway, this is cilantro, an Earth herb, Jarvis must being used as a farm planet to grow vegetables." said Farnsworth.
Wernstrom seethed.
"She said there bits of it in his mouth!"
"Wernstrom... I've studied poisonous plants… and cilantro ain't poisonous…" said Farnsworth.
"But-" Ogden Wernstrom protested.
"Yo Momma…" Oscar started a yo momma joke.
Wernstrom screamed and ran off sobbing.
Farnsworth gawked at Oscar.
"You're welcome…" Oscar sighed.
"Professor, the eyewitness stated honestly what she saw…" said the space elf.
"Don't contradict me! By all rights this man shouldn't be dead! There's no evidence of anything wrong with him!" said Farnsworth.
"But he is dead! But how?" Leela asked.
Farnsworth held his hand over his mouth and pondered. How? That's what I need to find out Leela…
"Professor! If not poison then what kills a healthy man?!" The space elf said sternly.
"I don't know! And another thing! I've heard from you Leela that you're seeing her as her present self and Darnell kept going on about a blonde young thing. Mom has silver hair!" said Farnsworth.
"Could she be a shapeshifter? Obviously not the real Mom, but whoever we beamed up?" Leela asked.
"A possibility I suppose…" said the Professor.
"I told you we should keep her under guard at all times…" the space elf sighed.
"Oh shut up…" Farnsworth sulked.
They head back to Mom's sleeping quarters to interrogate her.
However a red shirt assigned to check up on her was found dead in the corridor.
A scare chord of drums rumbled.
Farnsworth checked over the man. "The same markings…"
"And no plants in sight…" said Leela smelling a rat.
"Take this man back to the sick bay, I need to do more tests…" said Farnsworth.
Leela and the logical thinking space elf dragged the dead crewman off to the sick bay.
In the sick bay Oscar was fastening the sticky tabs on his clean fresh diaper. He pulled up his shorts. He whistled while returning to duty.
"Well I needed a change Mr Narrator because I did doodie in my diaper…" Oscar chuckled.
…
The bridge. A message is received concerning a late delivery.
"Message, Captain. Starship base on Andale Andale Ariba Ariba Alpha, the Mexican planet, requesting explanation of our delay here, sir. Space Commander Dominguez says we have supplies he urgently needs." Amy sighed.
"Tell Jose he'll get his chili peppers when we get there. Tell him they're prime Mexican reds. I handpicked them myself, but he won't die if he goes a few more days without them. Got it?" said Leela.
"Yes captain…" Amy nodded.
"Andale! Andale! Ariba! Ariba!" Oscar chuckled.
"Oz that cartoon is offensive to Mexicans…" Teddy sighed.
"They know where their safe space is…" Oscar muttered.
"Well?" Leela asked the Professor who was studying the cilantro.
"No mistake. This is harmless cilantro. Borgia, an M colony plant is an alkaloid poison containing perennial, similar to Deadly Nightshade. And even that doesn't cause markings on the skin or rashes." said Farnsworth.
"And Wernstrom and Mom?" Leela asked.
"Mom hasn't been visited by Earth crews since three months ago by DOOP. Anything could have happened to her. Yes a shapeshifter could be impersonating her right now." said Farnsworth.
Mom glares an icy glare while spying on the Professor.
The sick bay calls.
"Sick bay to Leela and the Professor. We've found the cause of death in both Red shirts." said A medic robot from the sick bay.
"We'll be there right away!" said Leela.
"Oy vey! Professor can I amputate something?" Zoidberg sent over comms.
"No! Zoidberg don't touch or do anything to the deceased!" Farnsworth yelled.
"But I'm the doctor…" Zoidberg whined.
"Also captain… Oscar keeps using the examination tables as a place to change his diapers…." said the medic robot.
Leela face palmed.
Meanwhile the Space Mexicans of the Mexican planet seethed, still awaiting their chillies.
"We can't make chilli without chillies!" José seethed.
"Ay carumba!" a crewman yelled.
Bart Simpson's head in a jar winced baffled.
…
The sick bay.
Farnsworth read the reason for death, the two men had been died of sudden salt deficiency. Ie something drained all the salt from their blood.
"Curious and curiouser…" Farnsworth mumbled.
A medic robot glanced at him.
"I should have checked for this earlier… This man has no sodium chloride in his blood!" said Farnsworth.
Zoidberg shrugged.
"That's table salt… Zoidberg…" said the Professor.
"The all seeing eye of Vaal could have told you that…" Oscar said in a trance.
"Oz stop referencing The Apple…" Leela sighed.
"Holy cannoli! Poison dart flowers!" Oscar screamed.
Leela sighed.
"Sodium chloride. Not a trace of it." said the space elf.
"These men have no salt in their bodies!" said Farnsworth.
"What are their black pepper levels…" Oscar rasped.
Teddy face palmed.
"Oz just hang out in the holodeck or something…" Leela groaned exasperated.