Leo took a few deep breaths to prepare himself to face the day, trying to convince himself that everything would be fine.

Once he felt like he was ready for whatever the world would throw at him today, he slowly opened his door.

As he walked out of his room, he glanced at his brothers' rooms. Each one was silent and empty. He couldn't help but be unnerved by the lack of any other living presence, but he quickly brushed it off and entered the rest of the underground lair he called home.

April and Casey were sitting along the edges of the pit. The two seemed to be whispering something to each other. They didn't bother to stop when they noticed him approaching. Instead, they used their hands to keep him from reading their lips as they took turns whispering about whatever secret thing they were talking about.

He gave them a small awkward wave, smiling despite the weirdness of his two friends' behavior. They just gave him some wary glances and Leo decided it would be best to just go ahead and go to the kitchen since it didn't seem like they wanted to talk to him.

As he approached his destination, the shadows on the walls seemed to get darker. The shapes morphed into ones that were almost familiar, and he could've sworn he could hear sobs and whispers. He couldn't make out any words, but the voices were full of a mix of misery and anger. He ignored them and made his way into the kitchen.

His whole family turned to look at him from where they sat at the table. Raph looked slightly annoyed at him, Donnie's expression was neutral, and Mikey tilted his head as he smiled at Leo. Master Splinter gazed at Leo in a way that was both gentle and expectant, silently gesturing for him to take a seat.

As he did so, it felt like something shifted. He glanced down to see a plate of algae and worms in front of him, same as the ones that the rest of his family were now trying to eat. The sight of the food that his family relied on made his stomach turn a little, but he knew to be thankful for what little they had even if it wasn't what he wanted. So, closing his eyes in a effort to avoid having to acknowledge what he was putting in his mouth, he took a pair of chopsticks and started using it to eat what was on his plate.

Donnie was a lot more willing to express his disgust, letting out a sound like he was about to throw up.

"There's a little more algae and worms left if anybody wants it." Mikey cheerfully informed them, head tilted curiously as he waited for a response to his offer. He jerkily moved his arms as he used a spoon to stir the excess food that was in the pot. "Anybody?" He glanced at each of them before repeating. "Anybody?"

"No thanks." Leo quickly declined, hardly having the stomach to eat the already too large blob of green he had to call a meal.

Raph quickly followed with his own decline of the offer. "I'm good."

"All yours." Donnie said, knowing that Mikey could stomach just about anything.

Mikey got a excited gleam in his eyes, his hands now behind his back as he leaned closer to them. "Well, I guess no one left room for... Cake!" He announced before hastily revealing what was behind his back.

The...thing Mikey was calling a 'cake' made the algae and worms suddenly look appetizing in comparison. While it had the vague shape of a cake and the lit candle on top was striped in bright red and white, that was where the similarities to the sweet treat ended. It looked as if it was made out of grass and dirt, he could even see a few rocks and wilted flowers in it. To make it worse, Leo saw many crawling shapes on it. Unlike the long and reddish-pink worms they normally ate, these creatures were much smaller and bright white, making their presence on the dark color of the 'cake' even more pronounced.

Leo recoiled when he processed what he was looking at, hearing Raph and Donnie express amazement at the horrible thing on the plate. While Mikey had some very questionable tastes, this felt like it was too much.

"It is a cake!" Donnie said in a almost shocked tone.

Before Leo could try and make a argument that this was most certainly not a cake, he saw Raph smear some of it onto his finger and lick it off. Leo's face contorted in disgust for a moment before noticing another thing that was off about what was on the plate.

He distantly heard Raph quip in a disappointed tone. "Made out of algae...and worms."

Leo watched as the red fluid that was leaking from the 'cake' started to drip onto the floor. "What is that?" He asked nervously, pointing at the small puddle the liquid was making.

"You don't wanna know." Mikey said dismissively before adding in a much more cheerful tone "Happy mutation day!"

"Happy mutation day!" Donnie and Raph shouted in a similarly cheerful tone.

"Yeah...uh...happy mutation day." Leo said with much less enthusiasm than his brothers, still looking at the 'cake' as Mikey placed it onto the table and took a seat. Something about the words felt...wrong, like they were leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He decided to brush it off though, he was probably just nervous due to what he was wanting to ask Splinter. Yeah, the cake was a insult to food, which was saying a lot given their normal diet, but his baby brother was always the type to experiment when he cooked and sometimes it resulted in something no one in their right mind would want to eat.

It's fine. Everything is fine.

Master Splinter was being oddly quiet, but...it's fine. Mikey would soon ask their father to retell the story of how they were mutated and became a family anyway, he did it every year. That would surely dispel this odd sense of unease that was growing inside him, and he'd be able to gather his thoughts and think over his words carefully and how he'd say them in a way that would persuade Master Splinter.

Moments passed without a word, everyone staring at him. His eyes kept bouncing from each of their faces, trying to read their expressions to get some clue as to what was going on. Why was no one saying anything? Why was all the attention on him? What were they expecting him to do?

He decided to try and break the silence by going ahead and asking his question, though it felt a bit too early and something inside made him want to keep his mouth shut. Trying to ignore the growing puddle of red that was spreading on the table, he finally spoke in as casual a tone as he could manage. "So...Sensei, now that we're fifteen, I think we're finally ready to go up to the surface...don't you?"

That question was met with a mix of glares and disappointed looks that he only had a second to process before the 'cake' fell over, the candle's flame causing the red fluid to catch on fire. The flames quickly spread to Raph and enveloped his body.

"You just had to go and ruin everything didn't you!?" His burning brother said in a pained and accusatory shout.

Leo jumped out of his seat in panic. He was about to speak, to try and get some control over the situation, hoping there was something he can do. Whatever he was about to say, the sight of the rest of his family caused the words to be caught in his throat.

Donnie's face was beginning to melt off as if it was made out of wax, his blood adding to what had already painted their table and was beginning to pool onto the floor. His voice came out as gurgling screaming as his shattered skull was exposed.

Mikey's head was tilted to a unnatural angle, his limbs flailing about like a marionette with a madman controlling the strings. His face was frozen in a wide-eyed expression, his eyes partially rolled in the back of his head and his mouth slack. Though his lips didn't move, his shrill voice still resounded throughout the room.

"WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY!? WHY!? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY!?"

Leo covered his ears at the horribly distorted sound that was his little brothers' voices. "I...I don't..." He mumbled in shock before his eyes hesitantly landed on Splinter's face.

For a moment his father still looked fine, but the way he looked at Leo with such disappointment and anger, as if he was also silently blaming Leo for the horror around them, hurt just as much as the sight of the broken bodies of his siblings. But even that unpleasant bit of normalcy disappeared as he saw maggots start eating away at his father's head at an impossible rate. Two holes ripped his chest open, revealing his ribs and staining the kimono in the same red that was quickly overtaking all other color in the room.

Leo stared as his father rose from his seat at the table, the flames that consumed the walls and floor wreathing his form in a hellish light. His glaring skull towered over the turtle before his jaws opened to speak in a guttural voice that barely resembled the one that he had grown up listening to and seeking guidance from.

"Look at what you've done!" Splinter shouted as he gestured around the kitchen that was quickly turning into nothing more than burnt ruins. "You have failed us all, Leonardo! I trusted you with the lives of your brothers and you led them to death!"

"No! I can...I can still fix this!" Leo desperately claimed, though deep down he already knew it was far too late. He made a dash for the sink, taken over by the mad idea that if he could stop the fire, it would make things better, and that the water from the sink was the answer to make it happen.

But when he turned the faucet on all that came out was more blood, causing Leo to stumble back and struggle to think of any other solutions.

"Meow?"

Leo's eyes snapped open, locking onto the source of that noise.

Ice Cream Kitty was sitting in a bowl next to the stove with Chompy standing next to her. Both of them looked at him, Kitty seeming confused while Chompy seemed completely unaware of the chaos.

Without thinking, he grabbed both of them and turned back to his dying family.

But he instead found the hulking form of the Shredder...made out of their twisted corpses. Silver metal was fused to green flesh and brown fur, the armor being replaced by bone and pieces of shell in some places. He could see the tortured and angry faces of his brothers scattered on the monster's form and the sickly green glow of Shredder's eyes glared down at Leo from the sockets of his father's skull.

The monster made a few clumsy steps towards him on its deformed legs, reaching out as if preparing to grab him with a hand that had too many fingers. Just as it roared and began charging at him, Leo screamed and ran with Kitty and Chompy still in his arms.

It may have been too late for his family, but he could still save his brothers' pets. He had to, they were all he had left.

So he ran as fast as he could, out of the kitchen, out of the lair, but the fire seemed to just follow him through the sewers. The tunnel system seemed to be falling apart, he had to dodge and maneuver around both stone and wood falling from the ceiling and random obstacles that were in his path. No matter how far he ran though, he could still hear the monster, its voice a horrible chorus made up of each of his family's and the Shredder's voices, shouting taunts and threats at him between roars and screams.

He briefly looked over his shoulder to see how much distance he'd managed to make between the three of them and the monster.

It wasn't enough, even with it's slow and awkward steps it was somehow able to keep them within its sight, but he had to keep running. Where were all the twists and turns that were usually in the sewers? Why was it just a seemingly endless straight path? If he could at least find a manhole, then maybe-

He tripped, falling to the ground and sending Ice Cream Kitty and Chompy into the fire.

Kitty landed directly into a flame, quickly melting with high-pitched and panicked yowls that devolved into gurgles as she became nothing more than a multi-colored puddle of pink, white, and brown.

"NO!" Leo shouted, reaching out to the puddle despite knowing there was nothing he could do. A high-pitched chirp quickly shifted his attention to where Chompy had fallen.

The baby alien had fallen amongst a group of flames that he eyed warily, but he was unharmed.

Just as Leo was about to get up and grab Chompy, the monster beat him to it. Reaching past him from behind, it wrapped a fist around the little turtle who squirmed and let out distressed chirps and tiny roars. The fist was lifted above Leo's head and held there where he could see what was about to happen

All he could say was desperate begging. "Please, no no no." Chompy was innocent, the only piece of his family he had left, he couldn't lose him too.

He could only watch as the fist clenched tighter around the turtle Raph had loved deeply. Tighter. Tighter. Chompy's struggles became more desperate, his heartbreaking cries echoing through the walls of the burning tunnel.

Then with a sickening *CRUNCH*, that little voice was silenced forever.

The corpse was dropped right in front of Leo, and for a moment all he could do was stare at the barely recognizable ball of flesh, broken shell and broken bones. Then he cried in despair, all the fight leaving his body with no family left to protect and the world burning around him.

"This is your fault. All the pain, the blood, it's on your hands." The simulacrum of Shredder claimed, the voices of his brothers echoing your fault, your fault.

Leo, still on his knees, turned his body towards the creature, unable to find any way to protest. Because it was true. "I'm sorry." He choked out. "I should've never...never asked. We should've never left. Then you'd all still be here."

"But you did. Then you got us killed." His family said bluntly, his father's skull glaring down at him before raising a fist that was sheathed in a familiar gauntlet. "And you need to pay."

Leo didn't even try to move out of the way as the fist, letting the blades of the gauntlet pierce through his body. Because this is what he deserves.

It's all he deserves.

...

...

...

...

Leo was almost disappointed when he opened his eyes again, staring up at the ceiling of his room.

He felt tempted to keep laying there, but the chirps and little roars from the tank he'd recently moved into his room reminded him why he couldn't. He still had responsibilities, and he couldn't afford to ignore them.

Sighing, he sat up with some difficulty. Everything felt difficult lately. His body felt heavy all the time and he just couldn't get hardly any sleep. The sleep he did manage to get wasn't exactly restful either, being full of nightmarish things his mind conjured to remind him of the horrible reality he'd inevitably wake up to.

It had been about a week since the funeral, and Leo basically only bothered to get up so he could go through a monotonous routine for the sake of his friends and caring for the pets that had been left behind in the wake of his brothers' deaths. He was already a failure, but hell would have to freeze over before he'd ever let his grief consume him enough to stop caring for the two little lives that now depended on him. Chompy and Ice Cream Kitty needed someone, and he was the only one still here.

He visualized his list of steps on what to do for the day:

1. Check phone

2. Feed and give water to Chompy and Ice Cream Kitty (Repeat for mid-day and night)

3. Clean

4. Try to spend time with Chompy and Ice Cream Kitty

5. Consider doing something 'fun' or going out

6. Consider doing basic hygiene

7. Try to eat something

8. Go to bed

With a sigh, Leo grabbed his t-phone to check his messages. April had taken to sending him at least one message a day, then a couple more once school was over. Casey's messages normally didn't come until later in the day. Neither of them had been able to make the time to come down and actually see him. Apparently since things have been 'calm' for a while, their school was basically throwing all the lessons they were supposed to have during the Kraang occupation and the recovery afterwards at their students all at once and the two were struggling to keep up. Casey's messages in particular seemed to be frustrated since his dad had noticed his falling grades and was keeping a closer eye on him, preventing him from sneaking out or making detours on his way home like he normally would.

He was honestly a little relieved they weren't able to come see him; it was easier to pretend he was fine if they didn't know how he looked or what his new routine was.

As expected, April had left him a message earlier in the day:

Good morning, Leo! I hope you were able to sleep okay last night. I'll be able to see you soon, I promise! I've just gotta survive this next round of tests tomorrow and things should finally be easier to manage. Until then, I hope you guys have a good day.

He knew April didn't mean it that way, but the 'you guys' just reminded him of how alone he was in the lair now. Normally when April said that it was referring to him and his brothers, but now it meant him, Chompy, and Ice Cream Kitty. Not that they weren't okay company! But...it isn't the same, they didn't fill that sense of something missing that had become a constant since that horrible day. Especially since Kitty...

Chompy let out another high-pitched chirp, this time drawing it out and snapping Leo out of his thoughts.

Leo decided to go ahead and move onto breakfast. He could check if he had more messages later and Chompy was clearly getting antsy. He did send a quick thumbs up emoji to April to try and convey that he was 'okay'. She had a lot on her mind, and he didn't want to leave her worrying about him on top of everything else.

After the message was sent, he walked over to the tank and placed the baby turtle on his shoulder.

He hesitated when he finally made it to the door. While he knew that he needed to leave the room, each time he was actually faced with that task led him to feeling a deep sense of dread. Opening the door meant getting slapped in the face by reality, he hated it, but he couldn't fail again. He needed to take care of his brothers' pets, which meant forcing himself to not give into the urge to hole up in his room for the rest of his life.

Slowly, Leo pushed the door slightly open, anxiously looking around before opening it all the way. He quickly walked away from the small hall that held the doorways to each of his brothers' rooms, refusing the look at them. While he knew he could handle looking at them, had been in them, it became part of the routine during the first few days after his loss to pretend they weren't there in the mornings because it had hurt too much. He also couldn't let himself be distracted from the task at hand.

First, he went to the pit in the living room where they had their TV, grabbing the remote from the same spot he'd been keeping it the past few days so he could turn it on, and quickly set it back down before changing course to the kitchen.

Keeping the TV on throughout the day had quickly become a habit of Leo's. He'd come to absolutely hate the eerie quiet that had now taken over the lair. The silence was both a reminder of the giant void in his life, and it made him feel...watched. Which was a bit ironic, while Leo thought having privacy was basically impossible when living with four other people, he didn't truly know the fear that came from the sense of someone having their eyes on you until he was left with nothing but a presence that existed only in his mind. When it was quiet, he felt like there was a mounting sense of tension just waiting to reveal some horrible thing that was in his home with him.

He wished that there was something else in the lair with him, that it would show itself, then maybe that constant discomfort would finally end. But he'd just have to settle for using the TV as background noise to try and make himself feel a little less alone.

Finally reaching his destination, he walked over to and grabbed the two bowls he'd chosen for Chompy back when he first started his duty of handling his care. The baby turtle stomped his front feet excitedly as he watched Leo clean both bowls out.

Once he filled the water bowl and placed it on the table, it was time to finally get what he knew was the best part for Chompy; the food.

He opened up the freezer and was met with the now expected sight of Ice Cream Kitty curled up inside, only briefly glancing towards him before turning back to the wall.

"Good morning Kitty." Leo said quietly, forcing a smile onto his face. "I just need to get Chompy's stuff real quick. I'll feed you soon."

It was the same thing he'd been saying the past few days, yet he was still slightly disappointed when the cat didn't show any sign of hearing him. He grabbed one of the sausages that Bishop had given him before he'd left the funeral, which were apparently made from the ideal ingredients for encouraging the growth and health for a Vorkathian Fire Tortoise.

Another thing the utrom had given him was a guide for the species' care, which he'd found to be very helpful in figuring out just what Chompy needed. As it turned out, the alien turtle's needs weren't all that different from a dog's, being a obligate carnivore with a need for a lot of affection and play.

As he chopped up a portion of the sausage, he wondered why Bishop had let him keep Chompy. He was thankful for it of course, but given how upset he'd been when he learned they'd brought the alien turtle to Earth in the first place, he couldn't help but worry. Tokka had trusted Raph with her child, not him. Did Bishop actually trust him to be worthy of the same trust Tokka had in Raph? Or did he just feel like it would be harsh to take Chompy from him right after he'd lost his family, would he come to take the baby turtle back once he believed Leo was 'okay' enough? Was he-

Oh, he almost sliced into his finger there. Well...the sausage is probably chopped well enough.

He'd checked and double checked the guide to make sure cooking wasn't necessary. Logically, it made sense that a alien species that can breathe fire would have a internal temperature high enough to kill off any Earth-born diseases and parasites like the guide said, but it didn't hurt to know for sure from a more reliable source. While he could've cooked it anyway or be willing to do it if it was needed, there was a good chance he'd end up burning the meat and add the guilt of ruining it to the stress he was already feeling.

After putting the chopped meat into the food bowl, he placed it down onto the table. Leo was quick to also get Chompy onto the table, knowing that the baby turtle would get so excited about the meal that he'd attempt to either crawl down Leo's arm or jump off his shoulder without any care to the danger of falling to the floor on accident.

Chompy started to happily gobble down the food. Leo felt extremely thankful for just how easily the little turtle was taking the changes in their lives so well, it made him feel like he was doing one thing right at least. But now it was time for Ice Cream Kitty's turn which wasn't going to be nearly as easy.

For one thing, Kitty was nearly impossible to move from the freezer ever since the funeral. She'd quickly start yowling and hissing at him, which would escalate into biting and attempting to claw at him. This meant he'd need to give her the water and food while she was still in there.

He was pretty sure Mikey used to give her food when she was outside the freezer. It was the only way he'd seen her being fed, though he'd also never seen her being given a proper meal, instead she was usually given little bits of the food they were eating. The same was true for Chompy too. He really wished he'd paid more attention to how his brothers had taken care of their pets. It wasn't like either of them were exactly 'normal' pets for people to have and unlike Chompy, he was pretty sure there was no guide on how to take care of cats made out of ice cream.

He cleaned both of her bowls and filled one with water, then filled the other with cat food topped with cheese.

After grabbing the handle to the freezer, he briefly glanced over to check on Chompy on the table who was now sipping from the water bowl. Satisfied that the baby alien was fine for now, he opened the freezer door.

As expected, Ice Cream Kitty didn't look at him. Undeterred, Leo grabbed the two bowls and placed them near her in the freezer. "Just try and eat a little bit, please." He pleaded.

She slowly turned to look at him, then glanced at the bowls. Letting out a sound that was close to a sigh, she bent down and took a couple small bites out of the food before turning back to the position she'd been in before.

Leo looked at her for a few more seconds, hoping she might change her mind and eat a little more. Then he heard Chompy let out a few chirps and he glanced over to see the baby turtle now looking back at him eagerly, his own food and water bowls now empty.

Leo let out his own sigh. This had been happening every day, yet a part of him kept hoping that maybe Kitty would eat more of her meals. He couldn't even figure out if it was the food itself not being appetizing enough, which was why he'd been trying to add things to it to see if anything caught her interest, or if she'd lost her appetite. She didn't even bother to drink water at all which worried him a lot, though another thing he didn't know was if Ice Cream Kitty even needed to drink water. For all he knew water might actually hurt her given water and ice cream didn't typically mix well. All the things he didn't know made him feel like a failure, the idea that he may open the freezer door and find her dead because he'd allowed himself to neglect her or did something wrong in trying to care for her kept plaguing his mind.

Trying to shove that thought to the back of his mind to avoid spiraling again, he said a brief 'see you later.' to Kitty before removing the bowls and closing the freezer.

He then walked over and placed Chompy back onto his shoulder before grabbing the two bowls. Before he could walk away to the sink to clean them, he noticed that there were splatters of water all over the table.

That caused a small spike of anxiety to surge into his gut. While the splatters weren't very big, they were still a potential slipping hazard that he was now feeling awful for not noticing sooner. He decided he'd start to try placing a rag under the water bowl to catch any water that came out of the bowl in the future. Or maybe he should let Chompy eat on the floor, that's what people usually do with their dogs right? But he was so small, Leo couldn't help but worry about what might happen if he didn't watch where he stepped while feeding Ice Cream Kitty. Chompy's built to be tough, but Leo didn't know how tough...

No, no, focus on cleaning the bowls and moving on with the day. He'll deal with those thoughts later.

The sight of the growing pile of cat food in the trash can didn't really help, seeing all the little bits of food he'd already tried adding over the past few days was more than a little discouraging. As he added more to that pile, he wondered if he needed to just suck it up and at least attempt to cook something for Kitty, maybe boil an egg?

After cleaning out the bowls, he grabbed some of the supplies he would use to clean out Chompy's terrarium and walked back to his room.

As he walked in, he suddenly remembered that he still needed to check if anyone else had sent him messages. Though it really meant him checking if Casey sent anything yet, since the only people who really texted him for non-mission things were his two human friends and...

Leo quickly placed the cleaning supplies near the tank, took out his t-phone, then sat on his bed and placed Chompy next to him. He gave the little alien turtle a few pets on the head, before properly looking at his messages.

Oh, Casey actually sent something early today.

Hey dude, I know you probably already know to do this but I haven't seen you in a while and it just kinda popped into my head. Remember to change your bandages so those burns don't turn nasty, okay?

He hated admitting it, but while he knew he was supposed to be doing that, he'd been putting it off.

He didn't have the energy to bother with the whole process of taking them off and putting them back on by himself. If he'd been alone, he probably wouldn't have done it even during the early days of prepping for the funeral, but April and Casey had taken it upon themselves to make sure he didn't neglect it back then.

Now, he hadn't even bothered to take off the gear he'd been wearing the day he was brought back tothe lair after the funeral. Or bathed. Or done much of anything for himself outside of maybe eating a small snack and having some water, which was less for himself and more so he could stay alive for the sake of the others.

Since Casey brought it up though, he'd have to deal with adding 'change my bandages' to the list of things he needed to do each day until his burns healed enough that he didn't need them anymore.

Leo decided to reply to Casey's text with 'I will.', he figured his friend probably wouldn't think to ask for clarification on if he'd already been doing it or not and this way Leo was only lying by omission.

He looked at his other messages again and saw something very unexpected. He didn't know Mondo Gecko had been given his phone number, though knowing his youngest brother, he'd probably given him all their numbers without having to even be asked.

Hey, so I know this is probably crazy random to ask, but do you think you could come by sometime? I've got to give you something. If you're really not feeling up for visiting, maybe you can just tell me when it'd be cool for me to come and see you instead? You don't have to answer today or anything, just text me when you've figured out what you're up for.

That made him feel some complicated things. Chances are whatever the gecko mutant wanted to give him was originally meant for Mikey, since him and Mondo weren't exactly close enough for him to know what Leo would like as a gift.

He didn't really like the idea of being given something that was meant for any of his brothers. While whatever it was might not have any real memories attached to it, seeing it would just remind him of all the things his family should've been here for, but never would now.

But maybe that's why Mondo wanted to give it to him, Mondo was Mikey's friend and it might be hurting him to have to see a gift that he could never give to the person it was meant for. It was Leo's fault that he'd never get to do that, so it would probably be selfish to outright refuse it, wouldn't it?

There was no way he'd be in a state to come to the Mutanimals' place, he also didn't want Mondo Gecko to come over and see him while he was like this. He didn't want anyone to see him right now. But...

He needed time to think about the request, Mondo said he didn't have to make the decision today so he could probably put off answering for a few days as he sorts out what would be the best way to go about this.

Seeing he had no other messages, he put his t-phone back into his pocket. Then he picked up Chompy as he stood up before placing him on the ground near the small pile of toys Leo had gathered for the little alien turtle to keep him busy as Leo cleaned up the tank. Trying to keep himself from overthinking about whether or not the toys were a potential danger to Chompy if he took his eyes off him for too long, Leo turned away and walked over to the tank.

As he went through his task, Leo also tried to keep a ear out in case something suddenly went wrong with Chompy. This wasn't too necessary, given that the alien turtle usually came over to try and get him to play or started scratching at the door asking to be let out after about a minute of messing around with the toys on his own.

He tried not to think too hard about why Chompy wants to leave the room. It was probably just the energetic baby turtle getting bored and wanting to explore or find something more interesting.

It took about 6 minutes before he was satisfied with the state of Chompy's little home, partially because he had to stop to give the tank's occupant the occasional pet on the head or put him back on the ground when he attempted to climb on Leo's body like he was some kind of living playground several times.

Now he needed to do one of the hardest parts of his time with Chompy; putting the little alien turtle into the tank and having him stay there until Leo was done with cleaning the rest of the lair.

It wasn't so much actually putting Chompy in the tank, though there had been a day or two where the baby turtle reminded Leo that he could breathe fire to express his protest, but the emotional aspect was the more difficult thing about it.

As he picked up Chompy, the alien turtle wagged his tail and panted as he looked up at him excitedly, Leo looked at him with a sad smile on his face for a few moments before reluctantly placing the much smaller turtle into the tank.

He was then met with a look of sad disappointment which quickly shifted to puppy dog eyes and whimpers.

If this was back before...everything, that look wouldn't hurt so much to see. Leo might've even seen it as cute, which it was, but now it felt like a stab to the heart. He knew Raph normally let Chompy roam about for most of the time when he was home and this seemed to be the one part of the new routine that the baby alien wasn't adapting well to.

But back then, there had been a bunch of people to make sure Chompy didn't get himself into trouble if Raph needed to take his eyes off him for a minute, and even if there wasn't Raph likely had the confidence that Chompy was tough enough that he didn't need to have someone constantly watching him or Raph would be able to react fast enough if anything suddenly happened. Leo had neither of those things right now; he was alone and his sanity felt like it couldn't handle one more thing going wrong and destroying the few fragile pieces of his life that he was trying to build back up.

"I know, Chompy, but I just need to know that you're safe while I clean things up." Leo said in a tone that was a mix of apologetic and pleading for the little turtle to understand why this was so important. To understand why it had suddenly become so important to Leo to keep anything bad from happening to him. "I promise I'll be quick, then I can play with you after I'm done, okay?"

Chompy let out a brief whine before huffing and laying down on the bottom of the tank with a pouting look on his face.

Leo sighed at the sight before he went about cleaning his room.

It didn't take too long given that the room honestly wasn't that dirty in the first place. Any mess that might have been there had either been taken care of in the previous days or were the kind of things most people would call him anal for bothering to do anything about. The same could be said for the majority of the lair, given that Leo hadn't even allowed dust to set in ever since the funeral. The only things that needed a honest cleaning would probably be the toys for Chompy that he hadn't gotten around to getting something like a box or basket to put them in, or the trash that wasn't even full yet.

Well, that wasn't exactly true...

Leo told Chompy he'd see him in a bit before he left the room. He stood awkwardly for a few seconds as he looked at his next destinations; his brothers' rooms.

He hadn't been able to even look at them back in the days before the funeral, when things were at their most painful for him. Now, the pain was still there, but it wasn't nearly as raw as it had been. Despite that, seeing their rooms still made him feel some...complicated things.

As he slowly walked up to Donnie's room, he tried to ignore the absence of any sound in the lair aside from the TV still droning in the background.

Then he added the slow creaking of him opening the door to the very few sounds in their home as he entered, turned on the light, then...stood in the center of the room, just staring at what was in the room.

The truth was that 'cleaning' his brothers' rooms, didn't really involve a lot of actual cleaning. It was usually spent either standing or sitting in the rooms, just trying to puzzle out what his brothers liked to do when they were in their private spaces. Sometimes he carefully took out and looked at some of the possessions his brothers had kept in them before putting the item back where he found it.

He couldn't bring himself to really change anything about the rooms, because unlike everything else he knew his brothers were the last ones to spend time in them, to touch the things inside. That they were the ones who left things as Leo found them when he had finally worked up the courage to enter. It was like these were shrines, dedicated to the final day they had spent alive and it felt like he'd be erasing a part of them if he dared to actually remove anything or clean up.

Donnie's room was probably the least painful to be in. Out of all of them, the genius turtle hardly spent any time in his actual room ever since he finally got the lab set up when they were about...10? Maybe? Around that age at least. The room also wasn't one that anyone but Donnie was ever really in, so the place itself held the least memories.

Despite that, what little was in the room was still a reflection of a part of the world he lost. The walls held a lot of science-themed posters and a few diagrams that their father had managed to find and gave to Donnie since the rest of them weren't really interested. On the nightstand next to the bed was a alarm clock that had become his brother's very first success in giving new life to what humans decided wasn't worth the effort to fix. Which had quickly given way to their TV, laptop, air conditioning, better plumbing, more reliable lighting...

They had taken Donnie for granted. He was pretty sure even Master Splinter had grown so used to having these things that made life so comfortable, things that were normally provided by and maintained by multiple humans, that it had been easy to forget that it had all been given to them by just one member of their family.

Leo wished he could turn back time and actually thank his brother for everything he did. Tell him how much they needed him. Maybe ask to help out more to lighten the workload, though he suspected Donnie would've turned down the offers due to not wanting to have to deal with his less-knowledgeable brother unwittingly messing things up.

Or maybe he'd just try to protect him better than he really did in the end. If he had, then maybe he still could've realized these things and become a better brother when it actually mattered.

It would've actually been nice to learn more about how to fix up the things in the lair. The various 'how-to' books that made up one of the rows on the small library in the room always seemed to taunt him for being too scared to actually read them. Because if he did, it would probably just make him realize how incapable of taking care of not just his brothers' pets, but of their own home, he was. Make him realize that he's basically doomed to watch what's left of his happier past fall apart because he had no idea how to even begin learning to keep everything from breaking down-

That's enough. That's enough time in Donnie's room today. While Donnie's room was the least painful to be in, it was also the one that made him the most terrified of what he'd have to face in the future.

Right as he was about to leave though, the sound of a brief chime went off behind him. It was so quick he hardly processed that he heard it at all, he could've just brushed it off and continued with his day, but some horrible need to see if the sudden drop he felt in his stomach was justified drove him to turn around.

Then the alarm clock moved, looking like it was doing the clock version of a full body spasm before letting out another chime that sounded more like the expected *Brrriiing* than the previous time.

Leo cautiously moved towards the nightstand, dread now filling his mind as realization hit him.

The alarm clock is breaking.

A piece of his brother is breaking.

Then the sound rang out again, but Leo's mind distorted it. Made it louder, made it harder to ignore.

He slowly picked the alarm clock up, as if that would somehow make what he'd just seen and heard less real. That touching it would at least make it stop so he could keep pretending it was fine.

The clock then started to make a repetitive sound that reminded him of one of those monkey toys that banged cymbals together. It wasn't an exact match though, and to Leo's quickly spiraling mind it sounded more like a countdown.

He let out a strangled sob when the digital number display at the clock's base turned into a massive mess of indecipherable pixels. All while that noise just kept going...

And going...

And going...

And going...

"Stop." Leo said, his voice wavering between a plead and a demand. A part of him felt angry at the clock, wanted to throw it against the wall or somehow crush it with his own two hands. That part wanted to make it pay for daring to do this so soon, right when he was about to try and get away from the thought of how useless he was. It just had to start breaking when he needed things to just stay as they're supposed to be, and he wanted to hurt it.

But he didn't want that, not really, if he did the things his anger was telling him to do, then no one would be able to fix the clock. No one would be able to even recognize what it used to be. He didn't want any of that, so he couldn't be angry.

More than anything else, he was scared. Terrified even, of what the clock breaking would mean.

"Please. Please, just stop." His tone settled on pleading desperately.

Then, to his surprise, it did. The clock stopped ringing.

Leo stared at it for a few moments, waiting to see if it would start up again. When it stayed dead silent, he slowly put it back where it had been with a shaky hand.

The number display remained a glitchy mess, and he ran out of the room.

He spent the next few minutes curled up on the floor in front of Raph's door.

While Leo wasn't necessarily crying his eyes out or anything, he did let out some strangled sobs every time he tried to think. Because right now the only thing he could think about were the people he'd failed, and the future that he'd lost as a result.

So he just laid there, trying to avoid thinking about anything at all, in front of his dead brother's door.

It was really pathetic, wasn't it? He couldn't make it through even one day without having some kind of breakdown. It really shouldn't surprise him that he turned out to be such a complete failure when he wasn't able to be normal for a day, just be normal you so-called 'leader'!

What was even the point of being upset? There's no one here to get sympathy from, and it wasn't like it was going to bring them back. Life's not a movie where crying over the ones you love will produce some kind of miracle just because you want it to. Even if you need them more than anything else. Even if you'd give your own life if it meant they could live.

Chompy's waiting, probably bored out of his mind while you're here doing nothing. He needs you but you're just here, too lazy to pull yourself together enough to do the task that you insist you have to! The lair doesn't need to be 'cleaned' for the 100th time in a week, it's just an excuse so you can wallow in your own misery while feeling less guilty about neglecting your real responsibilities!

But it isn't working. The guilt is still there, eating at your mind more and more each day. It's a part of you now, one that will slowly kill you like a poison...

Leo took a few deep breaths. Those thoughts aren't helping. He needs to actually calm down and keep going with his day.

It'll get better, he told himself. Because that's what people say right? Time heals all wounds? He'll be okay someday, he won't be miserable forever.

(Does he really believe that though?)

Eventually he was able to force himself to get up from the floor, not bothering to even dust himself off as he turned to look at the door.

Why does he do this to himself? Was it an attempt to find comfort in these memories the rooms brought? Because even if it hurt now, those memories had been happy ones once. Or did he do it to punish himself, to not let himself forget what he'd destroyed and immerse himself in the pain that now tainted every good memory he had? Maybe both?

Leo didn't know. But regardless of the reason why, he still opened the door and stepped inside.

While he hadn't been in Donnie's room much before what happened to them due to simply not having the motivation to since his brother was hardly in there, Raph usually actively kept the rest of them out of his room. His brother had always been the one who valued his privacy and alone time out of all of them and his room had been the only place he could go to get that while they were growing up.

It almost felt like a violation when Leo came in here. Raph would've never wanted him to come in without permission, especially if all he was going to do is just stand there and occasionally look at things that he imagined his brother would quickly snatch out of his hands if he was still here to do so.

Like those art history books and sketchbooks he'd found hidden under the bed when he'd first started his 'visits'. There was also another book, but it had a lock on it. Even though Leo probably could use the lockpicking skills Splinter had taught all of them in order to actually read what was inside, he wasn't going to try. Chances were that it was a diary and while he'd been willing to look at Raph's drawings, he wasn't going to read something that was so explicitly meant to be kept secret.

Especially when a part of him deep down, an irrational one, couldn't shake the feeling that Raph would somehow catch him and be angry.

So he just stood there, glancing at the posters on the walls and all the other little things that made up the little world that was a reflection of the one who'd burned in a fire because Leo had been too blinded by vengeance to save him.

It was kind of funny, given that the room itself was abnormally warm. Not smolderingly hot, but just...warm. The gentle kind of warmth that would be more comforting if it wasn't for the fact that it was never meant for him. It honestly wasn't what he was expecting given that the few glimpses that he'd ever gotten inside told him Raph liked to keep it dark, and in his mind dark normally equaled cold.

There were a lot of things he realized he was wrong about though, so he shouldn't be surprised.

Like silence, for example. He used to wish his brothers would be more quiet. It had meant having the peace needed to focus, it was a goal to achieve as a ninja, it meant being safe.

Now though, well, his need to keep the TV on throughout the day was probably the best display of how much he had come to hate silence.

But it wasn't the sounds of that TV, and it certainly wasn't the sounds of that broken clock, that Leo wanted.

He wanted laughter and random songs someone made up.

He wanted tinkering in the lab, ramblings about new discoveries and ideas he could only half-understand.

He'd even take someone grumbling about whatever's irritating them if it meant they were still here, still alive.

Or...or someone giving him guidance. He wants his father, now more than ever.

He wants his family.

But he'll never get that wish. They'll never be here again.

He glanced over at the drum set that was a few feet away from the bed, wandering closer to it. The pair of wooden drumsticks had been left laying on one of the smaller drums.

Slowly, he reached out and took one of the sticks in his hand and raised it up to his face. For a moment he just looked at it and felt the smooth texture before moving his hand to bring it up to one of the cymbals.

Then he used it to tap onto the instrument.

With that, a clang briefly filled the room before the silence reimposed itself on the space.

(What exactly did that achieve again?)

Leo didn't know. He'd just...never really touched Raph's drums before. Never got the chance to. Even if he'd asked, Raph probably wouldn't have ever let him...Which was probably all the more reason why he shouldn't have done what he just did.

Now feeling slightly ashamed and embarrassed, Leo put the drumstick back exactly as it was. He stared at the cymbal he'd hit for a few moments, feeling a slight dread at the thought that the instrument would never be quite how it had been when Raph had last touched it. He regretted the impulsive decision to play it and wasn't sure if he'd ever feel right looking at the drum set again.

He turned to the doorway and left the room, the warmth within following close behind him.

His final destination was Mikey's room. The one that, just like the one who'd not so long ago been living here, was one of the brightest and most playful places you could find in the lair.

It was also the most welcoming too. When they were still kids, this had been the place they'd all spend time together.

They'd often play with the collection of toys that was kept here, dance or sing along to music from the boombox, watching cartoons on the TV, or any number of things.

He turned his attention to the bed, he'd never know where Splinter managed to find a bed with a helm that looked like it came straight off of a ship attached to it, but it had been the inspiration for many games of 'ninja pirates' for him and his brothers.

Some of his earliest memories were about arguing who should get to be the captain, imagining the places that could be waiting for them in the world above and travelling there, slaying monsters that could only come from the minds of a bunch of children, and finding treasures that may have seemed worthless to others, but had meant everything to them.

Back then this was less 'Mikey's room' and more 'our playroom that Mikey happens to sleep in too'.

But then they started getting older...

They got too big for all of them to do more than just sit and talk in the room...

Then soon Mikey was the only one who wasn't in a rush to grow up while the rest of them tried to distance themselves from 'childish' things.

But they were kids. Even when all of this started, when they first stepped foot on the streets of New York, they'd still been kids. Yet they'd been put through more than people decades older could imagine.

Leo wasn't sure if he was a kid anymore. He was 17 now, but he felt like he should already be dead from how much was weighing down his soul.

So why wasn't he dead? Why was he still here when his baby brother, someone who had so much he wanted to do and seemed to love life so much, wasn't?

Taking a deep breath, Leo finally stepped into the room.

His steps were punctuated by the sound of cardboard getting crushed as his feet landed on the pizza boxes that littered the floor. Leo could faintly smell rotten food coming from who knew where. This place needed to actually be cleaned, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

The idea of cleaning the room and having it stay clean was terrifying, because Mikey's room was always messy and cluttered. So if it was clean, then that meant Mikey wasn't here which...was true, but if he keeps it messy, then...

It's stupid. He knows it's stupid, but he can't bring himself to really accept it.

He looked around the room more, noting every almost imperceptible stain on the blankets of the bed, tried to figure out what exactly each pizza box and food container had once held inside through nothing more than smell and briefly looking inside before setting each one back down. It was kind of like a new type of game for him, a disgusting game he would've never wanted to play if this was from before. He was trying to puzzle out in his mind when each and every part of the mess had been made. Trying to recall if he'd been there when Mikey had either spilled his drink or accidentally dropped a pizza slice whose sauce left a permanent mark. Maybe he could remember just when Mikey had first brought that now moldy pizza into his room only to leave it to its current fate...

It had started when he had first entered Mikey's room a few days ago, when he'd given in to the morbid curiosity of opening one of the relatively newer pizza boxes and it had triggered a memory of his baby brother telling them about yet another weird topping combination that he'd discovered. He was pretty sure it was something like maple syrup, hamburger, bell pepper and...tuna, maybe? Anchovies would make more sense, but since this was Mikey...If he could just find that box again, then he'd know.

He knew he'd likely never be able to make a full timeline of how the current mess had grown, but that was fine. He wasn't doing this to find answers anyway.

As he glanced over at one of the pizza boxes though, he felt his stomach drop.

That hadn't been here before, had it? Or had he simply not noticed? It wasn't like he was extremely thorough when he did this...

He stared at the dirt-covered pizza box. The one that had a crude drawing of Mikey holding a bowl that contained Ice Cream Kitty.

They both looked happy. The smile on the face of the Kitty drawn in the smudgy brown reminding him of how the real one had been not that long ago.

Leo stared at it for a few more minutes, feeling something well up inside as he picked it up.

Then with a growl, he started tearing up the pizza box.

Even as he felt tears start welling up in his eyes, he continued to tear it into smaller and smaller pieces.

"I know." He seethed through clenched teeth. "I know."

He knew he'd never be able to make her that happy. He knew he was failing his brother again. He knew he had no idea what he was doing and it was impossible to hide it now. But he didn't need the reminder. He didn't want to see it, because it wouldn't change anything.

This wasn't going to change anything.

As he watched the pieces of now unrecognizable, dirty cardboard fall to the floor, the frustration and anger left him, leaving regret to take its place.

He stared at his hands, tears now falling freely from his eyes, causing the little piece of Mikey he'd just destroyed to become damp and even more misshapen.

He'd ruined it. He knew sooner or later it was going to happen, but...but he had hoped he could control himself. He hoped he could handle the pain enough to not do something he'd regret.

But he just did.

His breaths started getting faster and faster, his vision blurring as panic set in. His mind kept going over all the things he'd done wrong since he was left alone. All the times he touched something he shouldn't have, every time he'd upset Chompy, every failed attempt to get Ice Cream Kitty to at least eat...

Just as his body started to shake and he felt his legs tremble like he was about to fall to his knees, he heard the sound of something rustling.

It managed to snap him out of his mental spiral, and he looked around to see what could've made that sound.

He was pretty sure it had to have come from paper being moved. Maybe it was one of Mikey's comics?

By now he knew where each of Mikey's comics were by heart, but all of them appeared to be exactly how he'd last seen them. So where...?

He glanced to the bed, or rather, the area underneath the bed. Raph had been hiding things under his own, so Mikey could've done the same.

As he approached the bed and started getting into position to see what was under there, he thought of an explanation for something getting moved when he hadn't touched it. Given how much food Mikey kept in his room and the lack of anyone but himself moving about the place, cockroaches and rats may have gotten bolder about taking what was left behind for themselves. One of them had probably been hiding under the bed and moved, causing a sound when whichever small creature it was collided with the things his brother had been hiding here.

It wasn't nearly as dark under Mikey's bed as he would've expected, but it was still difficult to see. He wiped his eyes to try and clear them of the tears blurring his vision before trying to focus on the shapes he saw again.

Apparently his brother had been hiding a couple hard cover books under here amongst a bunch of food containers and cups that were likely older than what he'd already familiarized himself with. He could also see a smaller book that was leaning against the side of the very small stack, which was likely the culprit of the noise.

Leo felt indecisive about what to do about the stack. Should he put the smaller book back on the top? Then again, he was only assuming it had been on top originally, for all he knew it had always been arranged like this and something else had made the noise. He didn't want to touch something of Mikey's again, what if he ruined it too? But curiosity at what the books were made him feel drawn toward them.

If whatever stasis he'd been trying to keep this room in had already been ruined by something out of his control, would it really be so wrong to just look at it?

He hesitantly reached out a shaky hand and gingerly grabbed one corner of the smaller book. As he drew it closer to him, he noticed the cover felt like it had been made out of construction paper. When he briefly let go of the book so he could grab it by the spine instead, his fingers brushed against what felt like metal. Was this book stapled together?

As he brought it into the light, he discovered that it was, in fact, stapled together. That wasn't the thing that caught his attention the most though. Instead, he found himself stuck on the title, written in the dark blue of a colored pencil...

Mikey's guide to Ice Cream Kitties!