A Journey to South Dakota Part I.
Grace offered to drive the first part of the journey west towards the small town in South Dakota that Tim had once called home. She did so, following a route that had been given to her by her brother, one which was not the most direct, but which carefully avoided a certain overpass. The last thing that Tim needed to see, on what was already going to be an emotional journey, was the spot at which his parents' lives had come to an end. Nick was also grateful that the whole funeral process had been expedited by contacts that Dalton had in the investigative services who had decided there was no need for lengthy inquests or postmortem examinations; it was clear to everyone how they had died, so there was no point in causing their orphaned son distress through delays…
As they crossed the state line from Ohio into Indiana, Nick received a message on his phone which confirmed that the aircraft that had been chartered to take the two bodies back to South Dakota had arrived there and that the funeral company was in the process of collecting them. That meant that there would be no delays to their plans and that the funeral could take place on Monday, which was the perfect day for it. Having the funeral as swiftly as possible made sense as it prevented the news of their deaths possibly filtering back to two estranged families in Ohio who might cause chaos…
They had made reservations for the night at a hotel in Iowa, the plan being that they would get up early the next day and hence arrive in Tim's hometown after the church services had finished for the day, thus ensuring a smaller audience as they arrived. The preacher's house was next to the church after all, and it would be best if they entered it without too many 'helpful' people around. Nick would assist Tim with packing his few remaining possessions whilst Grace would seek out and speak to the most relevant people, assuring them of the sanctity of Tim's future that would be spent with her and her husband. Nick would be mentioned as an uncle figure for the boy, someone that would be around to offer the poor boy extra emotional support, as he had been the one that had known the Reverend Hart and his wife in their schooldays…
She had also decided that she would tell everyone that her name was Grace Hummel and had printed cards out bearing that name especially. Her brother she would refer to as Nick Duval, as with its religious connotations, The Judging Angel would probably be known of; they would also know the name of the artist and that he was married to another man. It would only take one person to make the connection if she used Nick's full surname to bring on a whole heap of unnecessary trouble…
What concerned Nick the most as they drove west was just how silent Tim was in the back seat. Unlike most of the kids these days, he was not silent as he had his earbuds in listening to music, nor was he playing endless games on his phone. All he was doing was staring out of the window at the scenery as it moved by at speed. Eventually Nick asked if he was okay and why he was staring out the window. His reply was simple; he would probably never be heading that way again, so he wanted to savour all that he could see on this one opportunity. There was no argument against that, and as he was content enough, Nick just allowed him to stare…
After a late lunch stop, Nick took over at the wheel and to his surprise, Grace announced she would sit in the back with Tim. As a result, the next part of the journey was not one where Tim was allowed to sit in silence and stare, instead facing some questions from Grace and then a lot of information from her as well…
"Your parents were quite specific in their instructions that you were to be taken care of by Nick and Jeff, but we think that could prove both controversial and provocative to some of the people in your hometown, so if anyone asks you then you will be coming to live with me and Cooper instead. We are also not going to mention Jeff's existence at all; we all felt that it was best that he be left out of the narrative that we are going to spin…"
"I don't know if my dad would approve of lies being told when he is connected to it," said Tim in response. "He was always so upright and truthful."
Grace nodded, then admitted, "Yes, we are not being entirely honest with people, but the lies in question are white ones. We are not lying to people for our own gain or benefit, but to protect someone that is innocent in the whole affair; that someone is you. There are probably quite a lot of people in your hometown who would not approve of two men being a married couple and having children, either of their own or by adoption in some way; heck, they probably don't approve of two men being in love at all! They would do all that they could to prevent you coming back to the West Village with us; they would take you and place you into another family, one that would educate you properly in all the things they deem important. They would not allow you to return to Dalton. Your dad authorised me to do all that was necessary to avoid any of that occurring."
Tim looked horrified and then said quietly, "That would be my worst nightmare; I was so glad to get to Dalton and be allowed to be myself, not just the preacher's boy… It was so stifling living there before, but now it would be ten times worse as mom and dad would not be around to protect me. You can't let them keep me there; I want to go back to Dalton, where I am happy, and all of my friends are. I love it there and it is what my parents wanted for me. Promise me that you won't let them keep me there even for a day; I need to live with Wes and his dads in Manhattan!"
"I promise to you that I will not allow that to happen," replied Grace firmly, putting an arm around the boy. She promised it both for him and for herself, as she knew that her nephew would never speak to her again if she did not succeed…
The hotel that they stopped off for the night in western Iowa was not like any that Tim had ever stayed in before; it was not an economic motel by the side of the interstate or a freeway with a truck stop attached, but rather a place with grounds of its own away from the road and large rooms. He had expected that he would have to share a room, and possibly even a bed, with Nick at least, but he found instead that he had a room of his own as part of a two-bedroom suite. Grace was in the other bedroom whilst Nick had the sofa bed. They had dinner in the hotel restaurant, where he was encouraged to choose both a main course and a dessert; informed that he was to select what he like and not look at the prices….
As he ate his chicken pot pie, Nick made a mental note that chicken pie seemed to be a favourite of the boy and thus it needed to be added to the rotation of meals back home that summer, along with the apple pie that followed it for the boy. He was still concerned about how Tim was actually handling the death of both his parents; he seemed too calm for Nick's liking, much too accepting of the fact that he was now a de facto orphan. He wondered whether the sight of his family home tomorrow might well trigger some of the tears that he had still shed so few of since he found out. Even if it did not, Nick knew one thing, and that was that he would be there for the young man. He was not the kind of person that ever reneged on a promise…
Later that night, with Tim asleep in his bedroom, Grace beckoned her brother to join her in her bedroom on the other side of the suite. She closed the door, then said quietly, "He is dealing with all of this turmoil much to calmly for my liking." Nick looked at her and nodded, so she continued, "If I was his age and had just lost my loving parents then I would be a sobbing wreck. Meanwhile he is so calm, which would be unnerving in most boys of his age…"
"I think that he might well have an inner calm from his upbringing," Nick suggested. "He was brought up to believe in eternal life and he is certain that his parents have gone up to heaven; he knows that he will see them again, as angels, in due course. I am not sure that he is as passionate in his religion as his father was, but I know that he has faith…"
Grace nodded, then said, "He also has wonderful manners and modesty, which is so unusual in kids these days… His face when he walked in and saw this hotel room was a picture; he is obviously used to the less expensive versions. Then there is the fact that had I not told him to choose what he really wanted, he would have selected the lowest priced meal on the menu and then said he was too full for dessert. Even when we had told him to do that, he looked so conflicted…"
Nick nodded once more, then his face took on a more serious expression. "Of course, there is an elephant in the room here, and that is what his moving in with us permanently will mean for his friendship with Wes. They will be almost like brothers now that they will be sharing a home and for that matter a bathroom. I did wonder if I should look into formally adopting Tim…"
"That would be a huge mistake!" exclaimed Grace. "You can't do that, and you can't even say that they will be like brothers in front of them! Wes will already be dealing with the fact that his best friend, the one most of us suspect he is in love with, will be moving into his home and into the bedroom next door. He wouldn't want to risk that friendship by disclosing feelings that he is worried will not be reciprocated; to think that he had those feelings for someone that was now his adopted brother would be horrible for him."
Nick sighed and replied, "I am still not 100% certain that Wes is like me and Jeff anyway; all boys go through a phase when they think they might be. In any case, I am not sure that he does feel that way about Tim… Maybe the best approach to this topic would be to have a private chat with Wes before I even mention anything to Tim."
Grace shook her head, remembering that her brother had a history of being oblivious to love when it was right in front of him. "Okay, but I have a feeling that when you ask Wes about adopting Tim, the answer will be a resounding no, brother dear… If you are honest with yourself, you know that is true too."
Nick said nothing in response, as he had already decided that until Wes officially came out to him, he was not going to jump to the same conclusions as everyone else, even if all the evidence was compelling….
What Nick did not know as he prepared to sleep on a sofa bed was that back home in the West Village, his husband had been dealing with a few issues of his own, and most of them pertained to Wes. He had been much more quiet than usual on the flight back to New York; normally when he was on a flight as short as that one and with people he knew, he was very talkative. Jeff recalled that when he had been on the plane last year on his way back to Manhattan for Christmas, he had talked away non-stop from the moment they were settled in their seats until the moment they unfastened their seatbelts on arrival. For him to sit there in an almost monastic silence was most unusual, and everyone around them picked up on it at once. Attempts were made by both Beats and Drew to start a conversation, but all they received were monosyllabic answers if there was anything verbally expressed at all….
Jeff decided it was best not to make any sort of scene on the plane, as he was pretty certain in any case that his silence and his distraction was down to one thing and that was his concern for Tim. Wes was aware of how people could be in small towns after all, and possibly he felt that he should be at his friend's side if he was going to be in some kind of jeopardy. There was nothing though that one boy could do to assist another if some people in his hometown felt that the instructions of his parents counted for nothing and that they knew better… In all honesty, Jeff was equally worried about Nick and how he too could be in danger, and not just from the townsfolk. His father-in-law was dangerously close by once the party of three reached their destination…
Given the amount of baggage that they had brought back for both Wes and Tim, Jeff decided that they would splash out on their own cab back to the West Village; once they arrived, Wes was happy to help with the unloading. Half of the bags belonged to Tim, and they left his two rather battered cases in the hallway alongside Wes' own for now, as they both decided that they should have a cup of tea first. Jeff had no worries about their evening meal, as prior to heading to Dalton, Nick had prepared a casserole, which was one of his son's favourite meals; there was also a red velvet cake in the tin for dessert, another thing that Wes loved.
As ever in the Sterling-Duval home, there were also freshly baked cookies, again with a predominance of those that Wes liked most. Jeff decided that a few of those with a cup of tea would not ruin his son's appetite and might possibly help him to open up on what was so bad that he had almost been rendered mute on the journey home.
Fortunately for Jeff, Wes was the one that opened up the conversation at the kitchen table. "Papa, what exactly does it mean when it says that you and dad will be Tim's guardians? Does it just mean that you will look out for him, or will he be a part of the family, like a brother to me?"
"It means that we will take care of him, and yes, in a way we will become like parents to him. We will treat him exactly the same way as we treat you and share all of the love between you." Suddenly, without warning, Wes burst into tears and Jeff was at once startled and surprised. "Your dad and I won't love you any less if that is what you are worried about. You will always be our son…"
"But it sounds like Tim will be your son too and that means that everything between him and me will have to change too! People will say that we are like brothers, and well, that would change the whole nature of our friendship…"
Jeff suddenly had a lightbulb moment at that, realising exactly what Wes was hinting at. "If people did say that, then they would be completely wrong. He would be living here with us, but your dad and I will never be Tim's dads like we are yours. He would still be your best friend, your bird brother only; that would be the only kind of brothers that you would be…" He saw Wes nod at his words, but he still had such a miserable expression on his face that Jeff felt his heart breaking…
"Once all of the dust has settled, we will all sit down around this table and have an honest chat. There will have to be new rules for all of us to fit the change that there has been to our household dynamics. If we all come to the table in a spirit of complete openness and honesty, then hopefully we can come out on the other side so much stronger. Secrets are not really a good thing to ever have from the people you care for, but sometimes there are circumstances that call for them. This is one of them. Your dad will never hear about this little chat from me…"
Wes looked at his papa quietly for a moment, then replied, "Tim is the best friend I have ever had, and I don't want to lose him. If I did, then it would hurt so much as we would have to be at school together; but if that happened and he was living here… There are things that you don't say to people until you are 100% certain that they will not react negatively to it."
Jeff nodded and said, "I know all about that. Your dad is very open now about who he is and who he loves, but when we first met, he wasn't even sure of what he was. When we first became friends, he was sure he liked girls, and he still did when we became best friends. Eventually he saw sense, but that wasn't until late on in our Senior year at Dalton. I know exactly what it is like to really care for someone but be much to scared to tell them how you feel in case you lose them forever…"
Jeff paused then to see what his son's face was telling him, but Wes was staring down at his hands so he couldn't see. "Whatever happens between you and Tim in the future, your dad and I will always love you; there is very little that you could do that would alter that fact. We will always be here for you if you need to talk when you are at home and if you do need someone to talk to while you are at Dalton, then your Uncle Bazzy is a surprisingly good listener these days. He wasn't always, but I think that was because he was too busy when we first met him fighting his own inner demons…"
There was silence then, until Wes said in a barely audible whisper, "I think that I might be in love with Tim."
Jeff placed a hand on his son's shoulder and replied, "I was in love with your dad from the moment that I met him. The day we met I thought that the air was full of sparks; whenever I saw him my heart raced. I had to wait a long time for him to be ready to love me back, but looking back now that was no bad thing; we got to know each other as friends first before all those other complications got in the way. You are still so young Wes, so be friends for now. He will need his best friend more than ever with his mom and dad being gone. Be there for him; listen when he needs someone to. If you are destined to be more than friends, it will happen. If not, then you will still have someone that will always have your back through all of the trials that life will present you with and money cannot buy someone like that."
Wes nodded, then allowed his papa to pull him into a hug, something he immediately reciprocated. After a few minutes they broke apart and Wes headed up to his room to unpack his bags. After a few moments, Jeff followed him upstairs with Tim's bags and placed them in the room adjacent to his son's. Looking around it, he resolved that he would work on the décor the following day, with help from his boy…
The next day was Sunday, and in Iowa the group of three were up early. Grace once again took the wheel as they headed west towards South Dakota and the little town that Tim thought of as home. Joe had been the preacher there for a little over a dozen years and Nick knew that his death would have sent a shockwave through what was probably a tight-knit community, even amongst those of other faiths and none at all. Sugar had taught at the town's school as well, and her loss would potentially be of even greater impact; a whole generation of parents and children would have known her…
As his sister drove, Nick kept an eye on Tim as he sat in the back, still watching out of the window as the countryside flew by, beautiful in its own way but now very sparsely populated. He eventually spotted a directional sign pointing the way to the town that his own estranged father called home, and he shivered involuntarily at that word. This was closest he had been in many years to the man that he had long ceased thinking of as anything more than a source of anguish and pain; the scars still remained, even if he had long since passed through the rage that he had felt at his father's words and actions. His dad had his own views on sexuality, and he was entitled to them, even if Nick and most other people these days felt they were wrong. His father could not be convinced to think differently and that was his loss. He would never know the kindness of his eldest grandson; in turn, Wes would never be rejected by him. Nick realised that in a way he did have something in common with Tim in that neither had a father around now…
Of course, the loss of both his parents meant that Tim would be hurting more, especially as both his mom and dad had been such good people. He knew that they would both have been so supportive of their son in anything that he did without question; the unconditional love that all parents should have for their children was strong in Joe and Sugar. It was beyond tragic for Tim to have lost them both whilst he was still so young, but at least he had had the benefit of their love and wisdom during the most formative years of his life…
The last few miles of their journey were along a winding two lane country road that cut through the farmland and forest, tracks leading off it towards farmsteads every so often. They passed little in the way of other traffic as they drove and that made things feel a little more tense and uneasy for them all, as there was no real sign of life outside their vehicle. That must have shown on the faces of Grace and Nick, as Tim suddenly said, "Most everyone around here will either still be in church or sitting down to their Sunday lunch. Sunday School is still a huge thing around here for most of the younger folks. Those that don't go to church have respect enough to stay quiet and out of the way of those that do. It might seem quite odd to city folks, but it is how life is around here."
"It is nice in its way," remarked Grace, "but only if people are willing to accept that difference is not a bad thing and that they need to leave judgement of others, as it says in the bible, to God himself…"
Tim smiled, and said, "My dad used to say that from his pulpit at least once a month, but so many people do pass judgement on others all the time and think that they are still good Christian folks. I told my dad at Christmas that I didn't quite understand how all of those people could claim that they were good people and God's chosen when they were then so cruel to anyone that showed the slightest bit of difference to them, that didn't confirm to their strict stereotypes and views. He told me that he agreed with me wholeheartedly, but that he had learnt that unfortunately it was better not to try and confront those people with their own sins and prejudices. If you do, then they only try and find even more reasons to attack you…"
At that moment the road turned a sharp bend, a lake blocking the straight route and as they turned Tim's hometown became visible before them. There were two church steeples rising above all of the other buildings; Tim said, "Dad's church was the farther away one and the house is down a track beside it."
Grace nodded and then drove slowly through the small town, which looked reasonably prosperous to the naked eye, far enough away from the nearest city that it still generated business for a handful of stores, and able to support a bank, which was now a rarity in such a small community. They passed by the elementary school, with the high school built behind it, Tim averting his eyes from the building that his mom had worked in. Next to the post office was an old-fashioned diner, which was the only store open on the entire street so far. Eventually they came to Joe's church, and Nick's eyes widened a little as they all saw the black ribbon draped around the sign and the wreaths planted around the porch. The lights were on inside and were also on in the adjacent building which he assumed must be a church hall…
Grace spotted the track then and slowed to turn into it, the surface she was driving on immediately less smooth, the ride even in the SUV much bumpier. "The congregation always said that they were going to get the track resurfaced, but it has always been like this as long as I can recall," said Tim quietly, his eyes now moist with as yet unshed tears. "I think dad always diverted the funds to what he deemed more worthy causes, local families having a hard time or disaster relief. He never took anything for himself. Some of his congregation were not happy with that attitude, but mom once told some of them that if they were all so concerned about having the track repaired, then perhaps they could form a work party and do it themselves. Funnily enough, none of them ever had the spare time to do that…"
Nick smiled and said quietly, "I think that your father did the right thing. He eschewed all of the things that he did not require and placed others first. You going to Dalton was something that he did not have to pay for and something that he felt would be best for you and your happiness. A good education he knew could lead on to so many other things in life."
"He and mom used to say that I would be safer there too and I think that they were right. My last days in school here were not great; other kids can be so cruel when you do not fit in with what they perceive to be the norm, and trust me, I definitely did not fit in in any way to what is seen as normal around here…"
Tim said no more as Grace brought the car to a stop outside an attractive wooden house, which to her eyes looked as if it had popped straight out of the pages of a Laura Ingalls Wilder novel. She and Nick exchanged glances, thinking just how homely it all looked. They stepped out of the car and breathed in the air, immersing themselves in the tranquillity of the setting. Tim did not step out, however, and Nick realised why instinctively; he opened the rear passenger door, took a seat next to him and wrapped a comforting arm around the now sobbing boy. He was home, but he knew that it wasn't home any longer, because the people that had made the house a home were no longer there.
Grace stayed outside, saying nothing, just assessing the surroundings, at least until she spotted that a couple had emerged from the church hall and were now heading up the track towards the house, obviously curious to see what was going on. "Nick, we have company on its way, so it might be an idea to get Tim out and see if he can introduce us to them," she said in a low voice.
A moment or so later she was joined by her brother and the boy they had brought back with them, who was wiping tears away from his eyes. "That's Mr and Mrs Darrow; he is the Principal of the High School, and she is the chair of the Ladies Association. They are probably the best people that we could be encountering right now…" whispered Tim, before he looked up properly as they came right up to them.
Mrs Darrow immediately stepped forward and pulled Tim into a hug, which the boy reciprocated, whilst her husband introduced himself to Grace and Nick, the former then doing the same for them. Mr Darrow shook their hands, then in a quiet voice he said directly to Nick, "The Reverend confided in me about the arrangements he had made should a tragedy such as this occur, and I must say that I approve of it wholeheartedly. I think that it is the best thing for young Timothy in the circumstances. I also have to say this; you were wise not to come here with your husband and son. That would stir up the group within the congregation who believe that Tim should be looked after and raised by them as part of this community. Feelings are running high right now in these raw and emotional times, but I want to say this now; my wife and I are 100% behind you and the Reverend, and we will do all that we can to ensure that the wishes of Joe and Sugar are honoured."
"I think that it might be best for us to continue this conversation in private," replied Grace, aware that the longer that they stayed outside, the more likely they were to attract the attention of those less supportive members of the congregation. "Do you happen to know if anyone has been into the house since the accident occurred?"
Mr Darrow smiled and responded, "One of the more senior members of the congregation that is part of the group that want to keep Timothy here did try, but she was unable to obtain the keys from the trusted keyholder, which just happens to be me. You are right, we should head in, and Tim should have the key to the front door himself…"
Hearing his name mentioned, Tim had looked over, but now said quietly, "I do, but I didn't just want to go in…"
"It will be difficult for you, and we all understand that," said Mrs Darrow then softly, "but I will just say this; when my mother died, I found it much easier to deal with her home and all of the memories it contained as quickly as I could. Here it is all the more important, as some are already talking about taking matters into their own hands and clearing the house themselves to have it ready for a new preacher…" She paused as Nick gasped and Grace shook her head sadly at the lack of respect that showed, then spoke directly to Tim once more. "Shall we head up to your parents' room and start the process there? Your own bedroom will be a reasonably straightforward task, but their room will not be…"
"It sounds like a very sensible plan," said Nick. Tim nodded, and slowly pulled a set of keys out of his pocket, finding the right one and heading towards the door. As soon as he had it open, he began to sob again and once again Nick could immediately understand why; the house had a distinctive smell, obvious the moment the door opened, from whatever cleaning products Sugar had favoured. Those scents were an immediate trigger for the poor boy that had just been left an orphan, scents that meant home to him. Nick suspected that there would be many more such moments that afternoon and he was glad that he had a sensible older woman there to help him support Tim through all the stresses of sorting through his parents' possessions….