I do not own nor do I make profit off of Twilight. All right's belong to it's author Stephanie Meyer.
...Hello...it's me. Well let me explain a little...to those of you who at least read these lol. Firstly, There was suppose to be a Christmas Special, however I HAVE HAVING THE WORST TIME writing this thing. It's like part of me can't get the words out and another part of me doesn't care because Christmas is over, but alot of these fun filler chapters I have ALREADY WRITTEN MIND YOU talk about the gifts she got. So in order to publish those I have to get the Christmas special out...I am just not okay lol. This chapter happened to be the only one I had written hat doesn't mention her Christmas gifts, and I really wanted to get something out before the end of January. Second, things in the states are pretty depressing right now and it's hard to get the motivation to do anything but get up, work, shower, bed. And stating that I want to once again remind all of you that this is a safe place. Everyone is welcomed and no one is excluded...well that's a lie, hate is excluded. No hate here, just cute winter boots. ;)
Next line of business, I don't feel like I'm too shy when I talk about hating certain...most parts of the Twilight Saga, but I think one of my biggest "WTF" moments is when Stephanie Meyer talked about Bella's cycle. Let me just state this here and now, a period is not "dead blood" That makes no sense and I will die on this hill. In reality theirs only a few tablespoons of blood in a period as it is mostly made up of the uterine lining and other "secretions." Therefor in my head it makes more since that, it wouldn't tempt a vampire in the way, blood straight from the veins would. I wrote this chapter years ago, before I even thought about publishing on this site, because I hated the "dead blood" thing so much. With that being said, this chapter does involve Mare's womanly cycle and if that makes you uncomfortable or grossed out I understand you skipping this one.
Next, I hate to do this to you, but I'm pushing back the second season to March, I'm sorry! But with the lack of motivation and with my schedule becoming a little more busy, I need all of February to write and get things ready, but have no fear I will be posting chapters weekly, just some filler, nothing that will really give anything away in later books as I've seen a lot of you don't like it.
Also, I've been thinking about getting Tumblr...anybody use it? Would anyone follow me..I don't know, let me know.
And lastly, as it seems that people don't read these little updates I write at the top of these chapters, I will now be including this at the top of ever chapter.
PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME ART PROPOSALS FOR THIS STORY, I DO NOT GET PAID TO WRITE IT AND WILL NOT PAY TO HAVE ART MADE FOR IT. I APPRECIATE THE HUSSEL BUT ANY PROPOSALS THAT ARE SENT TO ME ARE IGNORED.
Reviews:
Ooshnish- Merry Christmas my sweet and lovely friend! Sorry it's a little late! I'm working on my sleep schedule I promise, I'm just such a procrastinator...I'm working in it in this new year! OH nooo what did I miss in finale?! Is there something you wanted to see MY DEAR OOSHNISH PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I actually have found I really enjoy writing chapters int he other world, I think it's because it's all my own writing. It's the closest thing you'll read to it anyway. I'm promise you I'm an okay writer, lol. I've been reading a lot of fanfic, which is both enjoyable and detrimental as I compare my writing to everyone else lol. Thank you so much for the Christmas love, I send it right back at you along with good and happy vibes!
Agabriellafigueiredo- Oh my goodness I'm sorry they made you emotional! I promise you I didn't want to make you cry! I hope you month has been good and thank you for the Christmas wishes, although it's no longer Christmas I send them right back along with good vibes!
EtherealSoul456- Hello my lovely! I can't thank you enough for the sweet and amazing words, they really made my day! and for that their are not enough Thank you's in the world! I'm glad you liked the end of season one, season two is almost here I promise! I'm really trying to find the motivation to get everything settled! Thank you so so so much once again for the kind and sweet words, they always lift me up and make me happy! I'm sending you love my sweet and amazing friend!
KEZZ 1-Thank you, a late Merry Christmas to you too!
Gretchenia- Hello sweet friend! No big deal lol, you take your time my luv. I love that you love that chapter, it's honestly one of my favorites too, which I didn't expect as it was so hard for me to write. I love that we can fangirl over Carlisle like this, lol. Writing protective and Loveling Carlisle is like superpower, which is good because I can't seem to stop writing it in ever chapter lol! Protective Emmett is probably my second favorite, he just scream older protective brother, which is good for future chapters, *wink, wink, nudge, nudge.* Thank you my sweet sweet luv, for loving this book..probably even more than I, you keep me writing and for that there are not enough thank you's. For heaven sakes my sweet friend, just read the chapter! lol I swear you have the absolute best control. I'm currently reading a fanfic that has me so enthralled that I can't help but check if they've updated everyday...I just don't know how you do it, but I BOW to you sweet friend! Please take care of yourself, including drinking enough water, eating a hot meal, and telling yourself something kind everyday! Sending all my love, Coffee...although I think you know my real name...were instagram friends right...hold on let me check...YOU DO! lol you also know what I look like so that's not any thing shocking :D
UndercookedCookie-OHHH Thank you so much my luv! I was feeling really down, and then your reviews popped up and it was like an hot cup of coffee on a cold day, it really made me feel better! Your sweet words were just what I needed, so thank you sooooooo much! I love the questions your putting out into the universe, of course none of them I can answer without spoiling everything, but I think you'll find you already know the answers lol. Thank you so much my friend for giving me the boost I needed and for the absolutely wonderful reviews! I'm sending all my love and good vibes your way my lovely UndercookedCookie!
There's Blood Everywhere
Crap... there's blood everywhere. I take a breath and reach into the nearest drawer and pull it open...no pads, okay maybe the next one, no tampons or pads...crap. I thought Alice said she stalked this bathroom with everything that I'll need...where are the god-forsaken period products! My period has always been unpredictable, I remember when I went to my mom when I was twelve because I had missed all my periods after getting my first one, and according to health class that could only mean one thing.
"Mom"
"Yes?" She was sober, her glasses on and papers all over the table, red pen in hand, ready to sit and grade papers for a few hours,
"I'm pregnant." At that moment I saw her soul leave her body,
"...um...what?" Tears stream down my face,
"I'm pregnant." My mother set her pen down closes her eyes and takes a deep breath,
"Mare what do you mean?"
"I haven't gotten my period in months...I'm sorry Mom I don't know what happened!" She opens her eyes and purses her lips,
"What?"
"I don't know how it happened." She takes off her glasses,
"Marceline...I don't think you're pregnant." I shake my head,
"I have to be, in health class Mr. Wong said one of the signs of pregnancy is losing your period, Mom I'm scared."
"Mare, you're not pregnant, I promise okay? To be pregnant there is something you have to do that I'm pretty sure you don't actually know how to do." I swallow,
"I don't understand." Mom's lips twitch in a sort of smile sort of frown,
"Marceline, there's more to being pregnant than just skipping a few periods." She looks uncomfortable as she fiddles in her seat," There's a special thing that happens between a man and a woman, that...that makes a child."
"What?"
"When you're an adult woman and you're married, you'll know, but right now Mare you're not pregnant, you're young and you spend six hours a day at the rink, those things are most likely why your period is late." I sniffle,
"Really?" She nods
"I'll call your coach and ask her to take you to the staff doctor, I'm sure he'll reassure you, alright?" I nod, reaching up to wipe my tears away,
"Alright, now stop crying, okay? I promise you're fine."
"Okay, I'm sorry." She giggles,
"Don't be sorry Mare, but promise me, you're never going to come to me and say those words ever again, okay?" I nod,
"Okay."
"That's a girl."
I kept my promise and never went to her again, both to announce a pregnancy and the absence of my actual cycle, although my coach did in fact take me to the staff doctor, where he told me I wasn't pregnant and reassured me that my diet and work out schedule was the cause of my missing periods. I still haven't gotten them regularly and I completely forgotten about it till now. I'm gonna have to ask Esme for tampons...no wait I don't want to do that...I'll ask her for money...I don't want to do that either...but those are the options...oh god why are those the options?! I quickly begin rolling toilet paper around my hand and stuff it where the sun shouldn't shine and stand taking a deep breath,
"You can do this," I mumble exiting the bathroom and into the closet to grab the biggest comfiest pair of sweatpants I can find. As always they're hidden in a drawer, but they're perfect. I grab a white cotton T-shirt and begin heading downstairs. When I get down there everyone is in the kitchen...why is everyone in the kitchen?!
"Mare, sweetheart lunch will be ready in ten minutes if you want to sit down." She's carefully layering different veggies on a toasted roll,
"Mare? Care to help me with this mornings cross word." This is a new thing Carlisle and I do together, crosswords from the morning's paper, I know Carlisle already knows the answers but he's kind enough to let me try. I linger in the doorway cracking my knuckles. Esme notices and stops to turn towards me, "Mare?" I swallow, struggling for words.
"um...I." Esme tilts her head, her eyes filling with anxiety,
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I hear the rustling of paper and realize Carlisle's put his paper down. I haven't even entered the kitchen yet and I'm gaining everyone's concern. I quickly step inside and look around, everyone is here but Edward...damn it. I step closer to Esme who already has her arm outstretched to me.
"I ummm..I..." God why is this so hard,
"Mare." I hear Carlisle's approaching...nooooooooo!
"Esme I..I...I..." Esme's in front of me, her eyes already full of worry,
"Sweetheart, please." She begs,
"I..I...Uh,"
"Marceline." Carlisle sneaks up behind me...great.
"umm." I turn to Emmett and Jasper who sit at the kitchen table, their faces confused, Jasper looks like he's ready to get up and Bob Ross my feelings. Suddenly Alice stands, her mouth slightly gapped,
"Oh my god Mare, I'm so sorry, I didn't even think about it." Esme turns towards her,
"Did you see something?" Alice is already rushing over to the table to force both Jasper and Emmett up,
"Get out!"
"What?" Jasper doesn't need to be told twice as he quickly scurries out, while Emmett doesn't get the hint,
"Wait, why?" Alice pulls him up,
"Out, she repeats,
"But I don't-"
"Honey get out," Rose tells him from her seat directly across from him, she doesn't know why she's telling him to get out, choosing to take Alice's side on this. Emmett looks between the two for a second before following Jasper out,
"What is going on," Esme sounds exasperated as she looks between Alice, Rose, and I, "Mare, what's going on?"
"Marceline please," Carlisle asks placing his hand on my shoulder,
"How did I forget?" Alice is asking herself over in the corner, while Esme and Carlisle lean closer to me, this is all too much,
"Stop!" I push both parents away and step back, now all four are completely still, their eyes trailed on me...fuck it, "I got my period!" I say louder than I want knowing the boys in the other room can hear me. Esme covers her mouth, Alice hangs her head down, Rose looks shocked, and Carlisle...Carlisle looks like Carlisle. I take a breath and lower my gaze, "Can I have like 5 bucks for tampons." Gagging starts up in the other room and quickly Rose gets to her feet and exits just as quickly as they started they stop and now I can hear footsteps and the sound of dragging,
"Mare sweetheart, this is nothing to be ashamed of or ashamed for asking," Carlisle says gently and I huff,
"I know," I shrug, "I just...I."
"Don't like asking?" Esme finished,
"This is kind of a private thing, I lived with my mother my whole life and never knew her...you know."
"Cycle." Carlisle clarifies and I sigh again,
"Oh my god, can we please not talk about this?" Esme seems to be holding back a smile as she says,
"We kind of have to honey,"
"Do we?"
"Get your coat and shoes, we'll go to the store." Finally, a solution to this and an escape because as quickly as it left her mouth I was already running to my room.
…
"Mare?" Esme asks, her grip tight on the steering wheel and eyes straight ahead, "I know you said you said you wanted a quiet car ride, but I really need to ask." I take a breath,
"Yes?"
"It's January." I turn to look out the window at all the snow still stuck to the ground from last week's storm,
"Yes?" I turn back towards her and quirk an eyebrow,
"You came to us in late November." There it is, "Did you not get it last month?" I lean back in my seat,
"Maybe I was good at hiding it,"
"Well even if you did get something from your friends or the school nurse, I change the garbage can in your bathroom so I feel like I would know." Jesus can I get a break today, I reach up to feel my cheeks, they're on fire.
"I umm...I'm not that... regular." I say slowly,
"Did your mother know, or did you see a doctor?" Esme sounds concerned again, "When we get back we can talk to Carlisle and-"
"Oh my god Esme no!" I covering my whole face now,
"Well this can be very concerning and-"
"I'm not pregnant!" I shout,
"I didn't think that." She laughs,
"Good,"
"But it could be something else-"
"Esme!"
"He doesn't have to be the one to look, I'm 100% sure he has a colleague or-"
"ESME!" She stops turning to look at me, and I take the largest breath I can, "I did see a doctor," She looks a little relieved,
"You never told us,"
"Why would I?"
"Cause we're your par..." she stops herself, "guardians and we need to know if there's something wrong." I swallow the embarrassment,
"Nothing's wrong," I promise, "I was really active when I skated, if I wasn't on the ice I worked out constantly and I was on a really strict diet, no carbs all protein and I pretty much lost my period, I was told it was normal for someone like me."
"Oh," She whispers slowly,
"When I asked if I would ever get it again, I was told I would, but it wouldn't be like a regular period, and said maybe someday I might have to have a talk with a doctor if I wanted...you know kids." Esme nods,
"How old were you when you had this conversation?"
"12...I broke my ankle a month later and stopped skating, it came back when I was doing physical therapy and has been here or there since." Esme hums,
"It might still be good to-"
"Esme please." She looks unswayed but after a second turns to me,
"Okay...but maybe do you think you and I could keep track." I lean my head back and sigh,
"Sure." We sit like that for another minute before something pops in my head, something I never thought about till now, "Esme?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Ummmm you don't have to answer because this is kind of gross but does...um..."
"Are you asking about the temptation when women are on their cycles?" I nod and now it's Esme's turn to look embarrassed,
"I only ask because...the others go to school and...not all of them are as controlled as well you know." I shrug and Esme relaxes,
"We're not tempted," She finally answers,
"Why?"
"Well, a lot of it has to do with our diet and a lot of it has to do with the fact that a women's cycle doesn't actually contain that much blood." I tilt my head,
"Sorry?"
"and a lot has to do with the whole cycle in general,"
"I'm confused."
"Well a woman's period is pretty much a watered-down version of the real stuff, your cycle is actually mostly mucus, secretions, and tissue," I make a face, completely shocked Esme is talking about this stuff with me,
"Eww," Esme laughs,
"You see why it doesn't tempt us,"
"Not even Jasper?" I raise an eyebrow,
"To a newborn, it might, or someone who's starving, but I've found just based on myself and our friends, it's not something one really wants unless necessary. Let me put it like this, if I give you a muffin for breakfast will you eat it?" I shrug,
"Probably,"
"What if I cover it in soap, would you eat it then?"
"Probably not,"
"But you might eat it if you were hungry, probably pick out the soapy pieces and eat the rest, that's kind of how it is. We make sure that we're always fully fed before going out with humans that way something like that isn't tempting." I nod,
"That makes sense." Esme smiles, letting go of the steering wheel for a moment to pat my arm. I take a second to let the silence settle in the car before speaking,
"Could you smell me?" Esme turns, it amazes me that the people in this house can drive and give you their full attention at the same time,
"No, honey."
…
"You know it's been years since I looked at women's products, but I have to say...wow, anti-leak and everything." Esme marvels holding up a pink box in the feminine products aisle,
"Please," I beg, feeling like I could just die and go to heaven...literally.
"Do you need jumbo or regular?" My stomach turns to ice,
"Esme please." She smiles gently at me and reaches forward to pat my cheek,
"This is nothing to be embarrassed about sweetheart." She turns grabbing another box, "Disposable pads have adhesive now?" She marvels and I bury my head in my own hands,
"Esme?" Oh god no.
"Mellisa, hi" I feel my cheeks redden and pray Cody isn't with her mom,
"Mare, it's nice to see you, doing some shopping I see." Esme smiles holding the box up and if I had any second thoughts about dying, their gone now, kill me.
"Just some necessary supplies," Cody's mom gives me a knowing smile, I struggle to give her one back,
"I see. How did you're Christmas go?"
"Oh it was lovely, I have to say I think it was my favorite Christmas to date." Esme reaches up with her other hand to smooth the back of my hair down. Cody's mother's eyes soften,
"That's amazing, it really was a beautiful day. I don't love snow, but I did really like seeing it on Christmas."
"Oh wasn't that just perfect?"
"Yes it was, Mare I hope you're being careful, I don't want to see you on my ward again." I shake my head,
"I promise you won't see me again Mrs. Gordon." She smiles reaching forward to squeeze my shoulder,
"Just my ward, I do hope to see you around." I give her one back, "I'll let you finish your shopping." She waves heading out of the feminine aisle. I wait until she disappears before turning grabbing a box and holding it out to Esme,
"This one." Esme grabs it and looks it over,
"Are you sure?" I nod,
"Yes, let's go." I turn following Mrs. Gordon's trail, when Esme's hand quickly grabs my arm pulling me back,
"Mare, are you embarrassed?" I look around.
"Yes," I hiss, and Esme smiles sadly,
"Am I embarrassing you?" She looks so sad as she says this that any anger I have disappears and I sigh,
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be." She perks up a little after this. "I just wanna grab what we need and go." Esme nods,
"Alright, but can we take a closer look at all of these, because I don't think you need extra large heavy flow?" She holds the box up and sure enough she's right." I reach forward, grab the box and put it back,
"Sorry?" I shrug shyly. Esme smiles reaching around to place her arm around my shoulders and pull me close,
"It's okay, let's look and then get out of here okay?" I nod finally looking at the boxes one by one, Esme right next to me.
…
"Knock, knock." Carlisle stands at the door a small smile on his face. "Can I come in?" I close my book and nod. Ever since we got home I've locked myself up in my room, my plastic bag full from the store tossed on my bed. Esme and I spent a while picking out tampons, pads, Midol, and a feminine wash she insisted I needed. All in all, I've had enough for the day and was content to lock myself in my room until tomorrow.
"Rough day?" Carlisle asks coming to sit down on the other chair in my little book nook.
"Rough doesn't even begin to explain it." Carlisle gives me a sympathetic look,
"I apologize, Esme and I really should have had this discussion with you sooner, but I think it slipped both our minds." I groan reaching down to grab the blanket covering my lap and instead elect to cover my face.
"Please stop," I feel the blanket gently being pulled away,
"Sweetheart this is nothing to be embarrassed about."
"You say that, but how would you feel if your period was being blasted about the house!" I shout looking to my open door and immediately blush, "Oh my god, just kill me." I groan reaching for the blanket again, Carlisle lets me.
"Mare, honey, this isn't easy I understand, but it really is normal, I know maybe not in this house-"
"Exactly!" I lean back in my comfy chair and rub my eyes, I'm not going to cry, I'm not. "Can we please not talk about this anymore?" Carlisle leans forward placing his elbows on his knees and rubbing his hands together,
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about your cycle."
"No," I answer picking my book back up and opening it, only to have Carlisle gently take it from my hands,
"Mare, Esme's a little worried about how late your cycle is-"
"I already explained it to her!" Carlisle holds his hands up,
"I understand, and as a physician myself I also explained it, but I was hoping we could talk about it just a bit more so I can understand to make sure, the validity of your cycle is normal."
"No." I stand firm, Carlisle shouldn't know about my cycle at all.
"Okay, I can call Diana and-"
"What! Why?"
"I think you should talk to a medical professional and if it isn't me, it should be someone."
"No," I hiss, feeling my face flush from anger, "Let it go!"
"Marceline, lower your tone." I collapse back into my chair with a sigh, "I'm not trying to embarrass you or make you angry and I know this isn't a conversation you want to have and I'm willing to drop it for now if you talk to me a little about your cycle and what you've been told." Carlisle says calmly and I take a breath,
"I probably get four a year." I whisper completely giving up my privacy, "Maybe once every three months or so," Carlisle nods,
"Would you say it's pretty regular, the four times that you get it?" I nod,
"Yes,"
"How about cramping?" Oh my god, kill me.
"They're bad for the first three days but it's fine with Midol," Carlisle nods,
"I want you to let me know when you get it-"
"Carlisle!" I shout,
"I just want to help you keep track of it is all. I don't believe it's anything to be concerned about-"
"That's what I said!" Carlisle raises an eyebrow, a silent way of saying, "Are you finished."I lean back in my chair, embarrassment and anger thick in the air,
"With a less strict diet and exercise regime, your cycle will resume normally, but it can take time," I open my mouth, but Carlisle puts his hands out in a stop motion, "Which I know you know, I just need you to understand that you can come to me about these things no matter how embarrassing YOU might think it is. I deal with it everyday and find it to be just a normal part of the female body." I raise a brow,
"Can we please be done?" Carlisle sighs,
"We can be done for today." I'm beginning to hate that word, today. It means we'll have to talk about it a different day. "I promise Mare, you have nothing to be embarrassed about okay."
"Thank you." Carlisle's frown slowly turns into a small smile,
"How was the store with Esme, I heard you ran in to Mellisa?"
"Let's never talk about that again." Carlisle chuckles,
"Deal." He holds out his palm, I stare at it for a second before reaching forward to grab his hand,
"Deal."
"Would you like to go downstairs now?"
"Never ever again."