"Love recognizes no barriers." —Maya Angelou

/

"So, pretty clouds," Sokka breaks the awkward silence we have fallen into since leaving the Western Air Temple.

I've been concentrating on flying the balloon and Sokka has been studiously ignoring me. Until now that is.

"Yeah," I mumble. "Pretty clouds."

All I can think about is how the fuck we're going to get in and out of the Boiling Rock without getting caught.

More awkward silence.

And I try not to think about who the Yùzhăng is and how he'd love to capture me.

"You know," Sokka suddenly says. "A friend of mine actually designed these war balloons."

"Huh." I'm not really listening.

"Yup." He pops the p. "A balloon, but for war."

I can feel a headache coming on. "If there's one thing my dad's good at, it's war." And it's all I've ever known. Fighting constantly, always a struggle to stay alive.

"Seems to run in the family."

I flinch, but a spark of my old self surfaces before I can stop it. "Hey! Hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that!"

"I know. I know." He waves a dismissive hand. "You've changed."

I bite my lip against the emotions running through me. "I meant my uncle." I have no idea why I saw what I do next. From guilt most likely. "He was more of a father to me. And I really let him down."

I turn away from Sokka, staring out over the ocean and hating myself for letting the ways of my family rule my actions.

A moment later, Sokka joins me at the railing. "I think your uncle would be proud of you."

I snort.

"No, really. Leaving your home to come help us? That's hard."

"It wasn't that hard."

"Really? You didn't leave behind anyone you cared about?"

I'm touched he's making the effort to try and make me feel better. I don't deserve it. But then I contemplate his words.

I think about Mai and how everyone expected us to be together, how Azula would manipulate the two of us into going on dates. It was expected that I'd propose to her when I turned of age which, I realize, would have been three months ago when I turned sixteen if I hadn't been banished. There had been this expectation that I would propose when I went back to Imperial City after Ba Sing Se, especially with all the pressure for us to be seen dating in public.

But was what Mai and I had really love? We weren't even really friends. We were united occasionally in our irritation with Azula and Tai Lee whenever they'd pull a prank to get us together. But there was never anything beyond a mutual understanding that we both hated palace life. We'd both accepted that we'd be forced to marry whether we were in love or not. In all honesty, me being marked as a traitor is probably good for her. Now Mai has the chance to find love and happiness of her own.

"No," I finally answer. "There was no one."

"Really? You didn't leave a girlfriend or boyfriend behind."

I look at Sokka in surprise.

"What?" he protests. "I don't know which way you float!"

I shake my head, snort quietly. "Same sex relationships aren't allowed in the Fire Nation. People are banished if they're lucky, killed if not, if they're caught showing even the remotest hint of liking someone of the same sex." Between trying to keep in my dad's good graces and then, later, trying to regain my honor after being banished, I've never allowed myself to contemplate a relationship. I don't know if I like women or men or both or maybe neither. I don't know. Love's never been something I thought I was allowed to feel. Even now, there's too much at stake. This family comes first. Love, love is something I'm not sure I deserve.

Sokka pats me awkwardly on the shoulder. "My first girlfriend turned into the moon."

I blink at him, unsure how this statement fits in with the conversation we're having. "That's rough buddy," I say awkwardly.

But I remember Princess Yuè and her sacrifice. If I hadn't been there to capture Aang, maybe he would have been there in time to stop Zhao, and Yuè wouldn't have had to sacrifice her life to save the moon spirit. Just one more death I'm responsible for.

Sokka smiles wistfully, staring up at the moon. I start to move to give him privacy, thinking this rather odd conversation is over with, but he starts speaking again.

"You know." He looks me dead in the eyes. "You don't give yourself enough credit. When Katara and I left the South Pole to travel with Aang, it was the hardest thing we ever did, leaving behind everything we've ever known. You've said it yourself. Your family's good at war. Breaking the cycle isn't easy."

I just stare at him, completely at a loss as to how to respond.

He slumps back down to where he's been sitting the entire trip. "It's not lost on me what you're risking by helping me. I may not like you but I think I'm starting to trust you."

"Thank you." I'm not sure I deserve his trust.

He waves a dismissive hand, effectively ending the conversation.

I go back to manning the flames, feeling like a fraud. I'm afraid to hope. I'm afraid to believe in myself. Do I even deserve to?

/

"You did what?!"

Katara's screech jolts Aang awake. He scrambles out of bed and dashes into the courtyard to find Katara in Toph's face.

Toph shoves Katara away from her. "I let Zuko out okay! Aang trusts him. I trust him. Why can't you?!"

"Because he's Zuko!" Katara shouts. "And now my brother is missing!"

"Sokka was already sneaking off somewhere!"

"What do you mean 'he was sneaking off'?!"

"Sokka was going and Zuko believed he could protect him from whatever hairbrained idea he's got stuck in his head!"

Katara looks ready to strangle Toph. Aang leaps in between them, hands out to prevent them from fighting each other. "What is going on?" he demands, feeling slightly grumpy at being woken up. "And why are you two yelling at each other?"

"Zuko was trying to escape last night."

"What?!"

"And she let him out!" Katara points an accusing finger at Toph.

"I'm sure she has a perfectly good reason."

"I do."

"That she'll now share with us." Aang isn't sure how to take the news that Zuko was trying to escape. Something isn't adding up. Zuko wouldn't leave after all they'd been through together. Right?

"I don't know what Zuko and Sokka were talking about last night but Sokka was distracted and mopey. I could sense he was going to do something stupid." Toph huffs a piece of hair out of her face. "Whatever's going on, I think Zuko wanted to go to protect Sokka."

"But why the secrecy?!" Katara demands.

Aang's mind is whirling. He wants to believe Toph is right, but a small part of him worries Zuko chose wrong. Again.

"I don't know!" Toph yells. "But if Sokka didn't tell you, then he really is doing something stupid!"

Katara screams through her teeth. "If something happens to Sokka, it's on you, Toph." She spins away without another word and practically walks headlong into Haru.

"Whoa there!" Haru grabs Katara by the shoulders as she lurches unsteadily away from him. "What's going on?"

"Why is there so much shouting?" Teo appears next, rubbing at his eyes sleepily, the Duke stumbling along behind him.

Katara shoves Haru out of the way, yelling at Teo as she stomps away. "Ask Toph!"

"Ah, what's going on?" Teo asks, looking worriedly at Haru and then to where Katara had disappeared.

"Zuko's gone and Sokka's disappeared," Toph says all in a rush.

Haru just blinks at her. "I'd better go check in with Katara."

Teo tries to reach out for him, but Haru brushes past him without another word.

"They're coming back, right?" the Duke asks quietly.

"Sure they are!" Teo says far too brightly. "Right guys?"

Toph just glares at the ground, but Aang gives a cheery double thumbs up.

"Come on." Teo herds the Duke back towards the rooms they've been sleeping in. "Everyone's in a mood. Might as well try to get a bit more sleep while we still can."

The Duke looks uncertainly back at Aang but allows Teo to shepherd him back to their room.

When Aang and Toph are finally alone, Toph sighs tiredly, slumping to the stones. Aang flops down next to her, feeling drained. And worried. They have no idea where Sokka and Zuko are heading. If they don't return within a day or two, they'll have no idea where to start looking.

"Do you believe in Zuko, Aang?" Toph suddenly asks.

"I want to."

"Me too, me too."

Author's Note

Okay, I'm going to be honest, I could never wrap my brain around Zuko's and Mai's relationship in the TV show. Their relationship never made any sense to me so, for the purposes of this story, neither Zuko or Mai harbor any sort of romantic feelings for each other.

I have not fully decided on Zuko's orientation (especially since romantic relationships pretty much are on the back burner to the other kinds of relationships in this story) but, for those of you who are curious, I'm leaning towards pan. Mai will probably end up on the aroace spectrum.

Yùzhăng translates to "Warden." I've been aiming to give proper names/titles in Mandarin Chinese. Yùzhăng is actually short for Jiānyù Zhăng. I shortened Jiānyù Zhăng to Yùzhăng for simplicity's sake. If people prefer the full Jiānyù Zhăng, let me know and I can change it.