Author's Note

This chapter ended up taking a different route than I was expecting. It's a super short but powerful chapter. I touch on panic and past trauma so tread carefully if those are triggers for you.

One of the major themes of this story is Zuko learning to deal with his past trauma and learning to open up and trust others to help him, to learn that he's not alone. I think this is something that most people (including myself) struggle with. It's hard asking for help and it's even harder accepting help when one might need it. I may be a faceless author and you only really know me through this story but whatever trauma you are facing now or dealing with from the past, know you're not alone. There's someone out there you can lean on.

No one should have to face this world on their own.

"Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone." ―Fred Rogers

/

Half an hour later, Aang helps me bring the group bean cakes, dumplings, fire cakes, and sizzle crisps.

Sokka immediately sits up as we set the food down. "Mmm!" He licks his lips eagerly. "Smells delicious!" He immediately goes for the fire cakes.

Everyone settles down in a loose circle. Haru and Teo are across from me, Sokka and Toph on either side of them, Katara next to Aang, and the Duke insisting on sitting next to me. I still can't figure out the little dude, but I'm grateful for his quiet, solid presence. It's surprisingly grounding.

"So," Katara says skeptically. "You can cook?"

"I know!" Aang exclaims. "It's too bad Zuko hasn't been with us this whole time! We'd have been eating delicious food every day!"

I flinch, nearly dropping a bean cake.

Katara's sharp gaze doesn't miss a thing.

I hurriedly stuff the bean cake in my mouth.

"Who taught you to cook?" Toph asks, reaching for a dumpling. "Didn't people cook for you seeing as you're a prince? Or…were a prince?"

"Excellent question," Haru mutters.

Teo elbows him hard in the ribs which earns him a stern glare from Haru.

My cheeks go red. "I was banished for over three years. You tend to pick up a thing or two." While true, that's not how I learned to cook.

Toph shrugs. "Boring. I thought there'd be a story."

"Wait," Teo suddenly says. "You were banished for three years?!"

"Does your banishment have something to do with that?" the Duke asks quietly, pointing at my scar.

"Hold on," Sokka interrupts. "Can we back up to the fact that Zuko can cook!"

My heart rate is starting to pick up as images of fire surround me. My mind knows the fire's not real, just a figment of my past trauma, but my body is convinced I'm in danger. I'm tense and sweating and starting to panic. I'm not ready for this conversation!

"How about this weather?" Aang says way too cheerfully, trying to steer the conversation to safer ground after getting a good look at my ashen face.

But it's Katara's question that really gets me. "What I want to know is the real reason behind why you chased us all over the world." There's accusation and censure in her voice.

The world is swimming and I can't breathe. A part of me is staring up at my father during the Agni Kai, his hand wreathed in flames just before searing pain. And another part of me is here, at the Western Air Temple, choking as they all stare at me, waiting for an answer. I'm losing myself to the panic. I don't know how to answer their questions without losing myself to all the trauma I've so desperately tried to bury so I can at least somewhat function like a normal human being.

"Hey man." Haru has leaned across the spread of food to gently knock his plate with mine. "You don't have to tell us. It's your story to tell whenever you're ready. We shouldn't be pushing you into telling us." He says this last bit with a glare at everyone in the circle.

The others stare at their plates of food, looking various degrees of apologetic.

I can feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I close my eyes against them, willing them away. Haru's words have centered me in a way I wasn't expecting. I don't have to tell my story, but I find that I want to. At least a part of it. I'm not ready to tell them everything yet. Trust is a two way street. They've given me a lot, especially Haru right now telling everyone off. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith too. I don't want my past to keep haunting me. And I'm pretty sure I can hear Uncle gently reminding me that I don't have to face everything alone. I have people I can lean on. Maybe I'm finally learning how to let them.

"Yes, I was banished three years ago for disrespecting and disobeying my father." I look at Teo and then the Duke. "And my scar wasn't an accident. Maybe someday I'll tell you the story." I glance at Haru who nods in encouragement. "But not today. I'm…not ready yet."

The Duke leans into my side and Aang's hand slips into mine from my other side. He squeezes my hand reassuringly. It gives me the courage to go on. The others are completely silent, hanging on to my every word.

"My mother wasn't nobility before she married Father." I've never told anyone this. Not even Uncle. But it's quite possible he already knew. "She taught me how to cook. Whenever things became too…much, she'd take me to the kitchen and we'd cook for hours." I can still hear her laughter as she sprayed me with flour. I miss those simpler times. I miss her.

Katara's finally looking at me with something other than hatred or mistrust in her features. "When we were trapped together in Ba Sing Se." She scowls slightly at the memory. "You never told me how the Fire Nation took your mother. What happened to her?"

"You don't have to tell us, Zuko." Haru shoots Katara a murderous glare. She glares right back at him.

"It's okay. I think I want to." I look out over the canyon, feeling a bit of that old rage return. I swallow it down. The rage is only a cover for the guilt that consumes me. "My mother gave up everything to save me from my father and grandfather." In some ways, I wish she hadn't. Being dead would have been so much easier than enduring the expectations of my family. "She was banished. Dead most likely."

I'm shocked when Aang hugs me from one side, the Duke from the other, and Sokka's reaching from around Aang to wrap an arm around both of us.

"That sucks man," Sokka says.

Katara rolls her eyes at Sokka, but there's a sadness in her eyes, a kind of understanding that wasn't there before.

"I lost my mom too because of the Fire Nation," Teo says sadly, tears in his eyes. "And my legs."

"And I lost my nation, my friends, my home," Aang says quietly.

Haru's hand finds Teo's. "We've all lost something because to the Fire Nation."

"I'm sorry," I mumble, shame filling me.

"Oh, shut up." Toph punches me lightly in the arm. "It's not your fault."

But it certainly feels like that.

As if sensing where my thoughts are going, she continues, "If it makes you feel any better." Toph looks forlornly at her food. "My parents sent bounty hunters after me because they believe I'm helpless. They don't believe in me."

I reach out to squeeze her hand. "I know what that feels like."

And then there's one big giant group hug. Everyone's silently crying. But there's something comforting, bolstering about our shared loss and grief. We've all been through so much and yet we're all still here, fighting to live another day, to make things right. I may not know how to move past my own trauma or even how to deal with it but, for the first time in my life, I'm surrounded by people who may just care about me and perhaps may be starting to accept me for me, fiery temper and all.

Talking about my mother and my banishment and my scar opened up a damn inside me. I can't build the wall back up now. Even if I could, I'm not sure that I'd want to. Burying my feelings is what led me down the wrong path. I need to feel everything now no matter how painful it is. I failed Mother just as much as I failed Uncle. But I won't fail this group of people.

I let the tears come.

/

As the group slowly breaks apart, now eating mostly in silence, I look around the circle at everyone and feel nothing but love and respect for every single one of them. My own family may hate me and want to kill me on sight. But these people. These people (and Uncle) are my family. I would die for them. The realization strikes me hard, but I know it's the truth. They don't all have to like me or trust me, but I'll protect them all with my life. This is something my father can't take away from me.

And, this time, I won't let him convince me that he can.

Don't worry, the Gaang will learn the full story of Zuko's banishment. In due time.