CHAPTER 7
The Wall
It had been decided that it would be appropriate to begin adding the names of the lost crew in the battle for Earth to the memorial wall. Nine new name plates were made. Six of them were for marines or support specialists who were killed in the battle or who had died during the crash. One was for Admiral Anderson, who at one point was the Normandy's original captain, before he had given command of the ship to his protege, Commander Shepard.
One was for EDI. After Liara broke the news of recent events to the crew, she had gone to see Joker herself and inform him as to why EDI was no longer responding. The news nearly crushed the brittle boned pilot. He had suspected the crash and EDI's condition were linked, but he had been holding out hope that she could be fixed by just replacing whatever it was that had broken within her. He never considered that salvation from the Reapers would come at her expense. EDI's metal body was moved to the AI core, and laid down on the table in the back of the room. The room that EDI's consciousness once called home, had become her tomb.
The last placard was for Commander Shepard. There was debate as to whether or not it was too soon to add his name to the wall with the rest of the dead, since his body had not yet been recovered. However, Alliance command seemed grimmly confident that they wouldn't find him alive.
A fact that pained Tali to no end. She had become despondent in the wake of the news of Shepard's death. Most of the crew had become aware about her relationship with Shepard in one way or another. Those that did know, offered their condolences to her whenever they happened to come across her. She would nod and offer a curt, "thank you," before quickly walking away to avoid them. It was a small ship however, and there weren't many places she could go to get away from their well meaning, yet painful words.
The crew had gathered to hold a small impromptu ceremony to honor the fallen as they placed the placards on the wall. It was decided that Tali should have the honor of putting Shepard's name upon the memorial. She held the long placard in her hand. Commander Shepard was written in bold letters across the front of it.
She hated that wall now more than ever, but she couldn't help but stare at it. Looking over each name that now crowded the once sparse wall.
The six lost crew were the first to be put upon the wall. Each name was placed on the memorial with care by a friend. They would offer a quick salute, a few kind words, and then slowly step back to join the rest of the group. Joker was next. Solemnly, he hobbled up to the wall and carefully placed EDI's name upon it.
"I'm sorry, girl," he whispered woefully to himself as he limped back the group, keeping his head down so that the crowd couldn't see his eyes past the brim of his hat.
Ashley Williams was next. She was given the honor of placing Admiral Anderson's placard. She approached the wall and placed his name squarely in the middle of the memorial, apart from the rest of the names. She took a step back, snapped to attention and offered a proud salute.
"Thank you, sir. For everything." Ashley dropped her hand back down to her side and walked back.
Next was Tali's turn. She looked back down to the placard in her hand.
Why did it have to be you?
Mourning in silence, she gradually stepped up to the wall, running her hand gently across the name on the cold placard.
Liara's words continued to ring in her head as she studied it. Unable to locate.
She tilted her head up, and looked at the empty space on the wall. It just didn't feel right. None of this did.
Slowly, Tali turned to face the congregation. They looked to her expectantly, thinking she was about to say a few words in honor of the lost commander. But she couldn't.
She wouldn't.
In a quick, sudden movement, Tali stepped up to Liara and thrust the placard forcefully into the asari's startled hands.
"Tali?" Liara asked, confused as she watched the quarian move past her, pushing through the crowd and stepping into the waiting elevator. Without saying a word, she closed the door behind her and descended back to the engineering deck.
The engine room was empty. Dark. Silent. She hated the silence. It made her uneasy, unable to sleep. Silence on a ship was never a good sign for a quarian. Silence meant an engine problem, ventilation failure, filter failures.
Silence meant death.
Memories of the engineering deck haunted her. It was here that she first revealed her feelings to Shepard. It was here that he revealed his to her.
"You deserve to be happy with someone… I can't do that. No matter how much I… I could get sick. Jeopardize the mission."
"And if you weren't jeopardizing anything?" he asked softly.
"If it were just me?" she murmured, turning back around to face him. "You risked your own life to rescue the colonists on Feros two years ago. No one else could've saved them. I watched your face as Lieutenant Alenko died on Virmire. I've watched you for so long… And I never imagined you'd ever see past...this," she said, gesturing to her mask.
Shepard smiled and gently reached for her hands. "Tali, if you're scared I don't blame you. But I don't want anyone else... I want you. And I'll do whatever it takes to make this work."
She walked back toward the drive core. The ship's large metallic heart was still. The rhythmic hum that once emanated from the round device had long ceased pulsing.
Tali looked around the circular room, inspecting the repairs and adjustments made by Adams. Everything looked right. All the cables were organized and plugged in. The power junction she mangled earlier was in good condition with fresh fuses. The control console in front of the drive core was blinking at her, indicating it was prepped for reactivation.
"Tali? Is something wrong?"
"You took a stupid risk," Tali responded coldly, refusing to look at him as she walked past him toward the drive core. Shepard was taken aback and quickly moved to catch up with the distraught quarian.
"I'm fine. I know what I did was dangerous, but it worked. The Leviathans will-"
"I thought I lost you down there." She shot the commander an angry look that stopped him dead in his tracks. "Don't do that to me again… Not even for a damn reaper killer."
"Tali…"
"... You're worth more than that," she stammered with eyes beginning to water.
Shepard sighed as he reached to grab her by the waist and pull her close. "I know...but so are you. That's why I went."
"You can't be dead…" she pleaded to the drive core. Newly determined, she keyed in the commands to begin the power up routine.
POWER UP SEQUENCE INITIALIZED - STAND BY...
The lights in the room flickered on.
10%
She could feel the room began to vibrate beneath her feet.
30%
The drive core hummed.
50%
The hum turned into a pulsing rhythm.
65%
The air surrounding the drive core distorted as it glowed.
85%
Tali bit her lip. "Please…" she begged the ship.
SYSTEM ERROR: ACTIVATION SEQUENCE ABORTED
With a low rumble the lights in the room flickered off, the vibration ceased, the glow disappeared, and the rhythmic hum faded. All was silent again.
She stared at the drive core. Unblinking. Unbelieving.
No...no…
Tali tapped away on the console, desperately trying to start the sequence again. The console itself went dead in response to her.
Slowly stepping away from the console, she leaned her back against the wall and slumped down to the floor.
Alone in the darkness of the engine room, alone in the silence, Tali wept.