The Restless
Beep… Beep… Beep…
Tali shifted uncomfortably.
Leaning back deeper into her small chair in the corner of the room, she rested her head against the bulkhead before closing her eyes.
Beep… beep… beep.
She shifted to her left side this time, bringing her knees up to her chest in an attempt to curl up into a comfortable ball before again shutting her tired eyes.
Beep… beep… beep.
She turned back to her right side, letting her legs once again fall to the floor before leaning her head to rest upon her shoulder. For several long minutes she sat there, eyes shut tight while quietly listening to Shepard's heart and life support systems, hoping that the machine's rhythmic pulsing might somehow lul her to sleep.
For the last several days, Tali had done all she could to keep herself as close to Shepard as possible. After her arrival back to the Sol system, Han'Gerrel had requested her presence aboard the Rayya to discuss the eezo salvage operation, something that Han made clear he was hoping she would take control of.
But despite Tali's physical presence, Han and the others noticed that she was acting strangely distant and unable to wholly focus on the matters at hand. When questioned by Han about her odd behavior, Tali simply blamed her health and took her leave to get some much needed rest. Han was quick to offer her space aboard the Rayya, but Tali refused, claiming that she had gotten used to sleeping on the Normandy and was more comfortable there.
In truth, Tali had yet to set a single foot back aboard the Normandy since her return, but she doubted Han'Gerrel would bother to follow up to see if she was telling the truth. Not that she cared either way.
Again Tali rolled to her other side, propping herself against the wall in an attempt to take the strain off her neck, but just as all other times before, it was a fruitless effort. Eventually, Tali simply gave up. Sitting up straight in her chair and leaning forward, Tali placed her elbows upon her knees to more easily rest her weary head in her hands. She let out a tired sigh, wordlessly wishing that she could remove her mask and rub her tired eyes.
What am I even doing here? He's not going to wake up. And even if he does-
Tali slowly shook her head in frustration, banishing another intrusive thought.
She picked her head up to gaze over to the man lying still in the bed across from her. In all the time she had sat and waited in his room, Shepard had yet to move even a little. The only indication she was given that he was even still alive, was the droning machines lining the wall.
Her mind slowly began to wander as she stared across at him, her imagination teasing her with visions of a future that she desperately wanted to come true. Tali imagined his eyes finally opening, and her once again getting lost in those blue eyes that had so captivated her all those years ago on her pilgrimage. Of him calling out to her and telling her that none of this was her fault and that everything would be ok. That the future the two of them had fought and bled for would be worth all the hardship and sacrifice. But the more she waited and watched him, the more bitter that sweet fantasy became.
"Shepard…" she silently begged. "Please… Just give me something."
Her plea was unexpectedly answered, not by Shepard, but by a sudden darkening in the room's lighting. She tilted her head up to find what caused the disturbance and noticed that the soft white lights that typically glowed steadily, were now flickering erratically.
An odd chirp from one of Shepard's life support systems took her attention away from the lights and her eyes flared in alarm seeing a very brief warning message flash across the holographic display before quickly vanishing.
The flickering of the lights ended abruptly after that, and as if nothing at all had happened, the room returned to its normal state.
But Tali remained on edge. For a moment she tensely stared at Shepard, fearfully worrying that the warning message had indeed happened for a reason.
Feeling a lump growing in her throat, Tali quietly picked herself up from her chair and cautiously moved to stand beside him. She kept her eyes glued to him, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, looking for any sign that might indicate he was in pain or his condition had worsened.
But as the seconds droned on, she saw nothing. He continued to lie there, undisturbed and breathing in the same steady rhythm as he had when she had first come.
Tali let out a relieving breath, unaware that she had even been holding it this entire time. But despite the welcome relief, the sense of unease she had felt refused to fully wither.
She stepped over to the machine that had flashed the warning and began intently scanning the interface, searching for anything that might indicate it wasn't functioning properly. Various health readings that Tali didn't fully know how to read were slowly scrolling across the screen, each one seeming to indicate that Shepard's vitals were in the green.
But Tali wasn't satisfied. Instinctively, she reached out to its control panel to start a full diagnostic sweep.
Don't…
Tali's fingers froze hovering just above the interface. The sudden sense of urgency that had driven her vanished in an instant as yet another unwanted thought sank its roots in her mind.
You can't fix him…
The thought reverberated in her head as she turned to look at Shepard once more. Every bruise, every burn, cut and bandage that marred his body grew more and more glaring to her, and the gnawing feeling of powerlessness that had plagued her ever since she had set foot onto the Ginsberg was fast becoming stronger and stronger.
Tali grimaced mournfully behind her mask. She wanted nothing more than to tear that machine open. To comb through its innards and programming to find what exactly made it signal that dreaded warning. But she knew that it was beyond a foolish idea.
She was no doctor, and Tali knew that fiddling with a machine that she had little understanding of in the first place could end up causing more harm than good. But no matter how much she tried to rationalize it, Tali could not shake that burning desire to do something. Anything other than sitting back and watching while hoping for the best.
Before she had a chance to determine what she should do, the door behind her suddenly opened with a loud hiss, causing Tali to nearly jump in surprise and hastily retract her hands away from the interface.
Tali turned to see Dr. Michel glide into the room, her nose buried deep in a datapad. The doctor stopped just short of Tali, finally noticing her before she could accidentally bump into the quarian.
"Oh…" Michel blurted, stiffly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here."
"No, I-I'm sorry," Tali apologized, awkwardly. "I don't mean to be in the way. I can leave if you need. I will-."
"No need," said Michel, waving her hand to dismiss the notion. "It's no trouble at all, I assure you. I just need to remember to look up every now and then."
Michel gently set down her datapad on a small table beside Shepard's bed and got to work pouring over the readings on his life support systems.
Several silent minutes passed as Tali stood quietly by, watching Michel type away on the holographic keyboard floating above one of the chirping machines. She half wondered if the reason the doctor had come into the room was due to the strange alarm that had flashed across the screen earlier, but Michel said nothing as she worked.
"Is… everything ok?" Tali asked, unconsciously ringing her hands.
Michel took a quick moment to look back over her shoulder and give a short, affirmative nod before returning to her screen.
"Yes. He is stable," she responded with a small hint of relief in her voice. "Many of his damaged implants have been replaced, and it appears his body is accepting the new ones. He'll still need a few more surgeries to repair the others, but all things considered… he is improving."
The doctor's comforting words managed to put an end to Tali's nervous fidgeting, but the strange alarm and flickering lights continued to gnaw at her.
"I saw some kind of warning flash on the screen earlier. I'm not sure what it said, though," she said, pointing to the machine Michel was working on.
Michel furrowed her brow and quickly took to combing through its logs. After a few seconds of quick scanning, she turned back to Tali and asked, "I'm not seeing any record of an alarm. Are you sure that's what you saw?"
Tali blushed faintly behind her mask, worried that maybe the whole thing simply had been her tired mind playing a trick on her after all.
"I'm… not sure," she begrudgingly admitted. "The lights in the room began flickering on and off, and the warning flashed so quickly that I couldn't read it."
Michel let out a knowing sigh. "Must've been another power surge. The ship has been plagued with them recently."
"Power surges? For how long?" Tali asked, confused.
Michel shrugged. "This ship has always had problems with it from what I've heard. The Ginsberg was converted into a floating field hospital in less than a month, so they ended up cutting some corners. As far as I understand, the power fluctuations were rare, but with all the new patients and equipment we've had to install it's not surprising to see they've become more frequent. But it is alright though. The ship's engineers are aware of it, and told me they are working nonstop to solve it."
"Can these machines handle those power fluctuations?" she asked, gesturing to the wall of machines behind Michel. "Could they potentially hurt… him?"
Michel, noticing the growing worry in Tali's voice, gave the quarian a sympathetic smile before shaking her head. "No. All this equipment has power supplies built in. Even if the ship were to completely lose power, they can stay active for over 96 hours if need be."
"That's… good," breathed Tali, letting out a sigh of relief.
"He'll be ok. I promise," Michel reassured, smiling warmly at her before giving the quarian a gentle pat on the arm. "When I heard that Shepard had been found, I did everything I could to be here for him. He saved my life. I owe him that and much more," she said before returning to take more readings of Shepard's vitals.
"You know," Michel continued as she worked. "It's been good to see you all again in one piece. Garrus told me about what happened in London. I don't even want to begin to imagine how terrifying it must've been down there."
"Neither do I…" Tali muttered quietly under her breath, unconsciously bringing a hand up to gently trace the fresh patches in the side of her suit.
"Doubt it was any worse than when the Reapers came to take the Citadel," Tali responded, dropping her hand back down once she became aware of what it was doing. "That must've been harrowing. How did you survive? Last I heard, you were helping at Huerta Memorial. Is it still intact?"
Michel stopped typing as she dwelled on the question. "I don't really know, actually… I wasn't onboard the Citadel when it happened. Hackett had put out a general request for more medical personnel to be embedded in the Alliance fleet. Several of my colleagues agreed to join and a few asked me to go with them. It wasn't an easy choice, but I figured that if I was on a ship maybe I could make more of a difference."
Michel took a deep breath through her nose and then slowly exhaled. "I didn't hear about the Citadel until after it had already been taken. A lot of my colleagues stayed behind. I'm… still not sure what happened to them all."
Tali frowned, kicking herself for even asking the question. "I'm so sorry."
"No, it's ok," sighed Michel, dropping her somber tone. "Guess I'm just lucky I suppose." Finishing her review, Michel dismissed the holographic keyboard and tucked her datapad into the crux of her arm.
"His vitals look good for now," she said, purposefully making her way back toward the door. "I need to check on my other patients. Please, don't hesitate to call me if you need anything."
Watching Dr. Michel step out of the room caused Tali's mind to drift back to when the two of them first met all those years ago, when she had first set foot aboard the Citadel. Tali was on the run then. Hiding from Saren's assassins as they chased her across the galaxy. Thinking she had finally found safety aboard the massive station, Tali foolishly let her guard down.
A decision that she dearly paid the price for.
With her kinetic barriers disabled, a single polonium round from an unseen sniper penetrated her suit, nearly killing her and leaving her stumbling around the station in shock begging for help. Only one doctor would offer the quarian aid.
Tali doubted Michel could ever fully grasp just how grateful she was for her kindness.
If Michel hadn't saved her life on that fateful day, Tali never would've made that deal with Fisk, and Shepard would never have come to her rescue.
Despite happening several years ago, the memory of that day still felt strangely fresh in her mind. She remembered the anger she had felt upon learning of Fisk's betrayal, followed by a sudden fear as Saren's assassins closed in on her in that alleyway. Only to have that fear replaced with surprise at the timely arrival of a mysterious human soldier who came blasting out of the shadows.
She remembered the burning curiosity she felt as she watched him fight, wondering who this strange human was and why he had come to her aid. She remembered the first time setting foot on the Normandy, the feeling of awe and excitement she felt as wandered the spectacular ship was palpable, and she had wondered if she would ever get so lucky again.
She remembered watching Shepard intently during those months. Watching him lead his crew on mission after mission, fighting against impossible odds, and never giving up no matter the consequences. Watching as everyday he moved through the ship, doing his rounds and getting to know those under his command.
Watching… as he grew close to another.
Her memories led her back to a dark place now. Back to when the Normandy was attacked by the Collectors. She remembered the chaos of the moment. The sheer surprise and horror of the sudden attack had left Tali and the others with little time to think. In a near instant, the ship she had come to call home was being mercilessly torn to pieces, and there was nothing she could do to save it. She remembers the mad dash to the escape pods, hoping desperately that they could make it in time.
But most of all, she remembered the suffocating feeling of learning just how many people they had lost, and who was among them.
She looked down to Shepard's scarred face, her eyes eventually drifting to the many bandages and wires across his chest before stopping at the stump that was his left arm. Tali never wanted to suffer that feeling ever again, and in spite of the hopeful words Michel had given her, the more she looked down on him, the more that dreaded feeling took root.
"I lost you once already…" she whispered, doing what she could to suppress the incessant fear that once again plagued her. "Please, don't do that to me again. Just… Come back to me."
Fatigue from lack of sleep beginning to set in, Tali turned to go back to her chair in the corner of the room for yet another attempt at rest. But something caught her eye as she walked. Something that caused her heart to nearly skip a beat.
Shepard's hand had moved.
It was a very subtle movement that anyone could have missed, but Tali saw clearly that the fingers on his one remaining hand had slightly curled up.
Tali's eyes grew wide in sheer surprise and for a moment she stood there dumbstruck, unsure as to if what she saw truly happened or if her imagination was playing some trick on her.
His hand suddenly moved again. Once more his fingers curled tighter, looking as if he was attempting to grasp at his bed sheet.
Tali's heart began to pound in her chest. Immediately she reached for his hand, gently taking hold and giving them a gentle squeeze to let him know she was there.
Breathlessly, she waited. Watching his eyes intently, and silently praying that they would somehow open in response to her touch.
She grew excited as she saw his eyes begin to move underneath his eyelids, and his grip grew tighter and tighter.
Almost too tight.
Tali's excitement was quickly tempered as his breath began to quicken. His head twitched faintly to the side and he furrowed his brow as if in distress. Shepard's grip on Tali's hand tightened even more. Close enough to the point where it was almost painful for her to hold on.
"S-Shepard?" she stammered, confusion growing by the second. "What's wrong? Shepard, can you hear me!?"
An intense chorus of alarms immediately erupted from Shepard's life support systems and Tali watched as his heart rate grew steadily faster and faster.
Shepard's eyes suddenly sprang open in an expression of sheer agony, and to her horror, she saw that the cool blue eyes that she was so desperate to see were darkened by red veins. His eyes promptly rolled back into his head and he arched his back, straining against the myriad of wires and bandages that criss-crossed over his body.
Panic set in and she froze. Tali's mind raced trying to think of what she could do, but she found it impossible to think clearly. But a sudden pair of hands grabbing her shoulders from behind instantly jolted Tali out of her stupor, and she was pushed to the side.
"Move!" ordered Michel, firmly moving the quarian out of the way so that she could reach Shepard. With her omni-tool coming to life around her hand, Michel started scanning the now convulsing Shepard. "What happened!?" she asked toward the stunned quarian.
"I-I don't know!" Tali sputtered. "He j-just started to-"
Tali never had the time to finish her answer. As she tried to form the words in her mouth, a team of med techs came rushing into the room behind her and instantly went to work tending to the blaring machines and steadying Shepard.
"He's hemorrhaging somewhere!" Michel called out to the techs around her.
"It's his aortic regulator," replied a turian stationed at one of the machines. "Looks like it finally gave out!"
"Dammit, I thought that implant was safe," growled Michel. "We need to sedate him. Tell the fabricators to prepare a replacement."
"Fabrication systems are still backed up, doctor," squeaked a nervous young human med tech who was busy preparing several syringes with more powerful sedatives. "Replacement wouldn't be ready for days."
"Then get the technical specifications ready and call Dr. Chakwas. We'll have to fix it ourselves."
Michel deftly entered a command into her omni-tool, causing a hidden mechanical arm tucked beside Shepard's bed to spring to life. The arm whined noisily as it put itself into position and began cycling through several different tools before settling on its target: a sharp scalpel.
Noticing Tali standing like a statue in the side of the room, Michel pointed a finger over to her and gestured toward the door. "Somebody get her out of here!"
She suddenly felt a pair of hands take hold of her arm and forcefully pull her toward the door. "I'm sorry, but you can't stay. You need to leave."
Tali didn't resist. She couldn't. Her mind was such a blur that she barely even felt the med tech lead her back out into the hallway. The last thing she saw before the cold gray doors closed in front of her was the mechanical arm descending toward his chest.
Tali simply stood where the tech had left her in the cold hallway, her hands shaking as she stared unblinking at the cold, gray door. Before long the suffocating feeling of helplessness came crashing over her, and she took several deep, wavering breaths to steady herself against the shock. But the effort did little to calm her.
Water began to pool in her eyes uncontrollably, and she found herself beginning to sway with each deep breath she took.
"Ma'am, are you ok?"
Tali barely noticed the human marine posted by Shepard's door. Out of the corner of her visor she caught him staring at her, giving her a confused yet sympathetic look. She tried to come up with a response, but found it nearly impossible. All of her thoughts and emotions were locked in a state of pure chaos.
But then the lights in the hallway began to flicker. Just like they had in Shepard's room.
Tali craned her head up toward the ceiling and watched as the lights above her flickered erratically.
Something within her changed as she stared up at them. Her hands stopped their trembling and her breath steadied. The sense of panic that had gripped her slowly faded, being replaced with a feeling she did not expect, but one that surprisingly wasn't unwelcome either.
She felt anger.
It was subtle, at first, but with each flicker of the light, her anger steadily grew.
Tali found herself no longer believing Michel's assurances about the machine's safety. Shepard was fine until the power surge. Perhaps it short circuited something within the machine that caused it to miss the problem with his implant? Maybe it caused the implant to fail in the first place? Tali didn't care how exactly, but she refused to drop the terrifying possibility.
Tali clenched her fists.
In her mind there was no excuse for a ship this important to be suffering from power shortages. There were too many lives at stake for that to be a common occurrence. One life in particular for her.
A realization took root in her head, one that washed away the feeling of helplessness that had dogged her aggressively. There was something she could do. Something that could help keep Shepard safe.
"I will be…" she growled through gritted teeth, finally answering the marine's question that hung in the air. Angrily turning on her heels, Tali stormed down the hallway toward the elevator.
She was determined to find whatever was causing the flickering lights, and put an end to it herself.
Author's Note:
I'm back!
I want to apologize for how long it took me to get this chapter out. I've had a lot of distractions these last few months that have made it difficult to work on this. Things have settled down a bit so I was finally able to find the time to finish it. Hopefully I'll be able to get chapters out somewhat regularly from now on. At least until I finish part 2. Thanks again for reading!