And I'm back again! Hope you are all enjoying yourselves and hope you are all well. I haven't got much to say here other than enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter Thirty:

By Rosa241

Alex POV:

I'm not hiding.

I'm totally not hiding.

I'm totally not hiding from Mark.

I mean why would I?

It's not like I showed up uninvited at his apartment and spilled my guts about my life. It's not like I stood there fighting back tears the entire time. It's not like it's the first time I've really opened up about my family. Except…

Thats exactly what I did.

Who the hell does that?

Shaking my head I stand momentarily before sitting back down. Truth be told I'm on my lunch break so it's not like I'm being missed. It's just every time I turn around he's there, standing there staring at me like he's trying to figure me out. He's probably trying to work out what the hell is wrong with me. Sighing I shake my head as the events of last night play out in my mind.

I wasn't planning on doing it or anything. I just needed to clear my head so I took a walk. How I ended up at his apartment I honestly don't know. Walking along all of a sudden it was there and his words came flooding back to me.

If you ever want to talk then you know where to find me.

Something seemed to snap inside me and then I was knocking on the door and spilling everything. For a while, for just a little while, I'd felt…not better but lighter. Like a weight had lifted off of my chest. A weight I've been carrying for a long time. For a while I thought it had been a good idea. It wasn't until much later that night that it all came screaming to me and I realised just how stupid it was.

I don't talk about my childhood.

Ever.

The reasons are threefold:

Number one it doesn't change anything. Talking about all the shit that went down back then doesn't change that it happened. It doesn't stop the memories. In fact if anything it drags them all out into the front of my mind again. Talking doesn't solve anything.

Number two I don't like remembering. There are things in my childhood that I really don't like thinking about. I can keep those particular memories at bay but as soon as I start dragging it all up they come screaming to me.

Number three…people always leave. It's a fact of my life. People don't stick around when they get to know me, the real me. Once my past is out in the open they see me for what I really am and then they walk. It's part of the reason why I haven't opened up to Meredith more. I know that she'd understand, after all she had a crappy childhood too but I can't risk it. She's my friend and she's been there for me through a lot of crap so far. I won't drive her away with this.

Then there's Mark…

Before the whole scarlet fever thing we'd never really spent much time together. He kept coming round after I got out of hospital, curtosy of Bailey and Meredith, and we just seemed to click. I'd never admit this out loud but I like having him as a friend. I enjoy his company. We get along better than I do with the girls. Don't get me wrong they're great but Marks a guy and guys need to hang out with guys. The problem is that there's something about him that just seems to make me want to tell him everything. Talking to him last night I'd forced myself to stop but I could have carried on for a long time.

Truth is it scares me.

Not that I talked to him, not really, but that I wanted to do it.

I've never wanted to talk to someone before. Not about this.

I don't understand it.

Jumping slightly at the sound of my pager going off I force the thoughts out of my head and step back out into the world.

George POV:

"Seriously George are you even listening?" Meredith complains and I wince in response.

"Sorry Mer. I'm just a little distracted." She shakes her head and turns to Izzy instead. Glad to be left alone my mind drifts back to Alex.

He's not here. I know things have been weird between us but he always comes out to eat lunch with us. It's like our little ritual. Working at the hospital you don't get a lot of time to just hang out so whenever we can we always sit and eat lunch. Even if it's only for ten minutes before someone's pager goes off. It's our thing.

He's been avoiding me for too long now but he always came when he could. I know that he went off to grab lunch so where is he?

Maybe with Sloan?

The voice in my head, that sounds a little like Izzy, enters with it's comments again. Shaking it off I remind myself that they're just friends. I won't be one of those people. Alex is allowed to have friends outside of us. I've spent way too much time talking to Meredith about this so I guess it makes sense for him to talk to someone too. It's just…

Come on George. This is Alex! Is he the kind of person that opens up to someone and has deep meaningful conversations?

Izzy's words come back to me and as much as I want to deny it she was right. Alex doesn't open up and talk. It's part of the reason why we're in this mess. If he would talk to me, tell me how he feels, then we'd be able to get past it. He just won't do that. Why would he talk to Sloan instead? Since when are they even close?

Stop it. Alex needs people too. He's not as tough as he thinks he is.

Meredith has said it before and even Cristina has seen it. He might act all tough but deep down he needs people to lean on. Everyone does. If he can lean on Sloan then that's a good thing. He needs someone to off load onto, someone to talk to, someone to help him.

If he was going to talk to someone wouldn't it be Meredith? Those two have some kind of connection after all.

Again Izzy's voice comes into my brain and I find myself stopping. She was right. Alex and Meredith have always had this understanding of sorts. They get each other in ways I don't think that the rest of us ever could. I don't really know why, and sometimes I don't think I want to know why, but it's true. She understands him and he just gets her. So if he needed to talk to someone then Meredith would be a logical choice. Wouldn't she?

Why would he go to Sloan?

"I've got to get back to work." Leaving the table and dumping my half finished lunch I try to force myself to ignore that voice in the back of my head.

For the rest of the day it's there. No matter what I'm doing, what patients I'm seeing to or who I'm dealing with it's there. In the back of my brain that voice is still there. Chattering away. Pouring doubts into my mind. Even later that night when exhaustion has taken over and I'm lying in bed it's still chattering away.

Sloan has a reputation.

He's broken up relationships before. Just look at Derek and Addision. He slept with her even though she was married, he'd do the same with Alex.

But Alex wouldn't. He wouldn't do that to me. We may not be together yet but there's something between us. I know there is. He feels something for me even if he can't make sense of it yet, even if he's not ready to deal with it there's something there. I know that he wants to make this work I can feel it. Whatever's stopping him will blow over and then we'll be fine. He's not going to sleep with Mark. He wouldn't do that.

Finally feeling that voice in my mind still I breathe a sigh of relief. What am I thinking? I know Alex. Guilt flows through me as I realise just how much I've been doubting him today. He's a good person. He won't do that to me. Smiling to myself I roll over and at last feel myself drifting off. As my eyes close I feel content at last. He won't do that to me. As if on cue that voice decides to have the last laugh.

He did it to Izzy.

And there we are. Okay so a little exploration chapter here. Alex is panicking about telling Mark everything he did. I got a pm asking me why I chose for him to open up like that to Mark and not to Meredith. You see on the show Alex doesn't open up to Meredith like this. He does it in small doses and to me it always seemed like he was testing her. Giving her a little bit of information at a time to see what she did with it. Like he was testing to see if he could trust her. I decided to keep with that theme here. What scares Alex about Mark isn't that he's told him everything that he did in the previous chapter it's that he wanted to share more.

Izzy has officially gotten into George's head. Oh no! I know you probably hate me but I swear I have a plan…kind of…there's a blue print up in my head there is.

One last promise since I've gotten another pm about it. I swear this isn't Mark/Alex endgame. This has always been, and will always be, Alex/George endgame.

Until next time,

Bye x