Alex: Alright lady I've got a bone to pick with you.

ALEX! You're back! Does this mean you're not broken anymore?

Alex: I've officially accepted that you're posting on time for once in your life. Can we move on from that now?

Mark: Yeah lets move on to me being awesome again.

Look Mark you can't be awesome all the time. At some point we'll have to prove you're human and that you make mistakes.

Mark: Am I still awesome in this chapter?

Never mind. I own nothing.

Chapter Thirty-Five

By Rosa241

Mark POV:

For a moment when I hug him it feels like Alex doesn't know what to do. Thinking about the reasons for this confusion only makes the pain in my heart worse. After a moment of complete confusion, and probably panic knowing him, he wraps his arms around me and his entire body seems to sag with the effort.

How long has it been since someone did this?

Has anyone ever don't this?

Probably not his parents.

I can feel my shoulder becoming wet where his head is buried against it but chose not to comment. I don't need to be physic to know that he needs this. He needs to let this out. Somehow I sincerely doubt that he's ever actually done this. Probably never opened up and just let it all out. From how much he has locked up inside I think its something he so desperately needs to do. You can't just keep everything locked up inside forever and never let it out. Eventually things will explode and everything will come pouring out. Like now.

Drug addict, alcoholic father?

Beatings?

Scizophrenic mother?

Being a father to his own mother and siblings?

How the hell can one person go through so much?

How come no one did something…anything?

How the hell did he end up becoming a doctor despite all of that?

My mind reels from everything that I've heard and for a moment I'm not sure what to say. With a blank mind and no words forming the only thing I can do it hold him like his life depends on it. I don't know how to make this better. I knew there was crap in his past but I had no idea there was anything like this down there. What do I do to make this better?

Eventually he pulls away and moves to lean on the counter, facing away from me. His hand wipes the tear tracks away from his eyes. Watching him in silence I can see the tension in his shoulders. I know what he's expecting me to do. He's expecting me to walk away and leave. I'm not doing that. Never did I have any intentions of abandoning him but now that's even further from my mind. It takes a moment before my voice finally comes back to me.

"How the hell did you do it?" He shrugs his shoulders at my words and I'm not quite sure what that means by that. "How do you go through all of that? Your father, your mother…drugs, alcohol, schizophrenia, your brother and sister…how do you deal with all of that and, not only come out the other side of it, but come out of it wanting to be a doctor. How does that happen?"

"Just did." Is the only response I get and for a while we sink into silence. I know a lot of people who've had crappy childhoods and I know a lot of them who use that to excuse their behaviour. Alex…Alex has more right that anyone I know to do that but he doesn't. He doesn't use it he just gets on with life.

"You're amazing." The snort he gives out at my words is about as much as I expected.

"For what? Having a crappy childhood? That's not amazing Sloan." You really don't see it. He really doesn't see it and that breaks me just a little bit more. His self-esteem is so broken that he doesn't even see how far he's come.

"That's not what I meant." Moving up so that I'm next to him I place one hand on his shoulder. Of course he still doesn't look at me but I can tell that I have his attention. "You've been through so much hell but that hasn't stopped you. Despite all of the crap you've managed to pull yourself out the other side and become one hell of a doctor. That's why you're amazing."

For a while we descend into another silence but this one is slightly more relaxed than the other. The tension in Alex's shoulders has eased off a little and the reason for that makes my blood boil. He really thought that telling me this was going to make me walk away.

Wrong!

All of a sudden everything makes so much more sense. This is why he doesn't trust people. His own family, the people you're meant to be able to trust implicitly, were such a nightmare and hurt him so badly. He's been on his own for virtually his entire life. Always watching his own back and trying to help everyone else at the same time. Did anyone ever put him first?

"Did no one ever do anything? Neighbours? Family?" The question seems to surprise us both and for a moment I can see the fight or flight instinct battling within him.

"We didn't exactly live in the kind of place where your neighbours interfered with your life. Even if we did live in that kind of place we were the neighbours that people crossed the street to avoid." So the neighbours adopted the don't ask don't tell policy. Must be real proud of themselves. "As for family well my mom didn't have any and I don't even know where my dad was from so that wasn't an option."

They were alone then.

"What about teachers? Doctors? Anyone?" From his silence I have my answer. Somehow Alex and his siblings slipped through every net. How does this happen? How does no one do anything?

"I guess everyone thought we were someone else's problem. Like I said we were the family people crossed the street to avoid, not the ones you went out of your way to help." Someone should have is what I want to say but I don't. Hearing that won't help him now.

"You said you don't go home, can I ask why?" Again the fight or flight instinct battles in him before he answers.

"Because I can't." Sighing he turns to face me and there are still obvious tears in his eyes. "If I'm there, living with them I become their carer again. I become their father and husband once again and I just can't do that anymore. I've spent years looking after all of them and being the one in charge, the one to make the decisions, the one to deal with everything and I just can't anymore. Selfish I know."

"It's not selfish Alex. It's not selfish. From what you've said it sounds like you've spent your entire childhood taking care of everyone else. It's not selfish to need to put yourself first for once." For a while we descend into silence once more before another question comes to my lips. "Why tell me all of this?"

Alex POV:

"Why tell me all of this?"

Why did I tell him?

Because I got to the end of my rope, because I snapped, because…because…

Because I wanted to.

I wanted to tell him.

But why?

It takes time for the answer to come to my brain and when it does it surprises me.

"Because you saw." Out of the corner of my eye I catch sight of him frowning. "You saw past all the crap and actually realised that there was something wrong."

There's more that I want to say but I'm not sure I can right now.

"Meredith…" He starts but I quickly cut him off.

"Meredith saw…something. She gets it because she's lived something like it. She's dark and twisty and I'm evil spawn." His confusion is evident but I brush past it. Now's not the time for that conversation. "Never mind. The point is she gets it but…Meredith can be kind of judgemental at times, whether she means to be or not. I'm not sure she'd really get it besides she's got enough crap of her own to deal with. It wouldn't be right dumping all of mine on her as well. Plus she's got this habit of trying to fix things and that's the last thing I want someone to do. I don't need her to fix this, there is no fixing my childhood. It was hell and that's that."

"But me?" I can hear the genuine curiosity in his voice and honestly that makes telling him this just a little bit easier. He's not pushing, he's not trying to figure me out he just genuinely wants to know what's what.

"You're different. I just feel like you're not going to judge me. I mean I told you some stuff already and you were totally supportive so if anyone was going to understand then it would be you." My words come out so fast that I'd be surprised if he understood any of it. I can't slow down though. I can't. There's no way that I can get this out otherwise. "You're the first person I've wanted to talk to about all this and that scares me way more than anything else. I've never wanted to talk to anyone before and now there's you and that's terrifying."

When he says nothing at my words I breathe a sigh of relief. The last thing I want is him making this anymore awkward than it already is. To be honest all I want him to do is…

"It's late. We both need some sleep so I should get going." Another sigh of relief escapes me at his words. He really does get it.

Thank god.

Right now there's an itching going off under my skin and the need to be alone is only increasing with every breath. I'm grateful that he came here, I'm glad that I told him everything and I'm even more glad that he's accepted it but now it's too much. Him being here is too much. Everything is moving so fast and I really need it to slow down for a while.

"You going to be okay?" Looking at him something inside me clicks for the first time. Am I going to be okay? For the first time since this whole George thing started I actually feel, not better, but lighter. Like there was something holding me back that's now gone away. For the first time I actually do feel better.

"I think that I'll be okay. Thanks." It's small and not enough for what he's done for me but it's all I can get out right now. He nods at it and claps me on the shoulder before making his way to the door.

"Alex? Don't think that this is me walking away. I just think you need some space and we both have to work tomorrow. You need me then call, that offer still stands. And one more thing…" He trails off and shuffles for a moment, almost as if deciding whether or not to speak. "Maybe you should consider whether or not it's time to speak to someone…more qualified about some of this stuff. I'm here for as long as you need me but…just think on it. Night."

"Night."

Someone more qualified?

A therapist.

He means that I should see a therapist.

Truth be told he's not the first person to suggest it and he probably isn't the only one thinking of it. I've had people before mention it but I've always shrugged it off. After all talking doesn't help anyway, right?

But it has helped. For some reason talking to Mark, telling him that stuff, it's actually helped me to feel somewhat calmer. Maybe he's right.

Maybe I should.

Izzie POV:

Okay so here goes.

"George? Can we talk for five minutes? Please." He stops and sighs which makes me smile. I knew he'd come around.

"You don't get it do you? I mean I really thought you were just being obtuse but you actually don't get it." What? He shakes his head with a scowl as he turns to face me. "You've always been my friend, my best friend, and I loved you for that."

"You're my best friend too." The way his face dips at that tells me that I probably shouldn't have said that.

"No. See that's where things go wrong because that's never been enough for you. Being my friend was never enough. First there was Callie. I should have seen it then. I was happy with Callie, I loved Callie but you couldn't handle that could you? You had to interfere. You had to play with my emotions and ruin my marriage and what's worse is that I let you. I let you play with me until we finally slept together and I destroyed my marriage, my happy marriage to someone that I genuinely loved. As soon as I did that all of a sudden you didn't want me like that and we were back to being friends. I should have seen it then but I didn't and now you're doing the same thing again!"

"George-" With a shake of the head he totally cuts me off.

"No. No you don't get to talk your way out of this. I'm speaking now." The tone of voice he uses is something I've never heard before. "You don't want me in any kind of romantic way, I can see that, but you're not willing to let anyone else have me either. If I'm not at your beck and call then you're not happy. You're not happy when I'm not by your side making you feel better about yourself. Well I've had enough! No more."

"George I just-"

"NO! I'm not your little play thing. I'm my own person. If I want to make things work with Alex then that's what I'll try to do and if it doesn't work out then it'll be because of me, because of my decisions and it'll be nothing to do with you!" By the time he's finished he's breathing so heavily I'm actually concerned for a second that he might pass out. "And you want to know something even better? You're doing the exact same thing to Alex. He doesn't want you so you don't want him to have anyone. If you can't have him then no one can."

What the hell was that?

For the first time since he came over and yelled at me Marks words come back to me.

I'm not in love with Alex, right?

I'm not.

I'm…I'm not.

Mark: Still awesome.

Yeah, yeah whatever.

Alex: Therapy? Really?

Mark: Dude have you seen yourself in this. I think you might need it.

Look Alex we've been through this. You're a precious little bean who has some issues.

Alex:…

I didn't break you again did I?

Alex: Nope just can't quite believe how creepy you've become.

On a serious note however I always think that it would have been a good plot point for either Alex or Meredith to get help for their crappy childhoods. I know Meredith had therapy at one point but I don't think that this was ever really taken too seriously for Alex. I especially think it would have been good to show Alex trying to cope with everything he went through and that never really happened. So I'm making it happen.

Until next time,

Bye x