Sirius, Harry, and Remus took the Knight Bus to the sleepy village of Godric's Hollow. Apparating, Remus explained, was not the best way to travel with children.
Harry was taken with the small sleepy village and marveled at how different it was from Surrey and the cookie-cutter neighborhood he had grown up in at Privet Drive. Every house was unique and said something about the people that lived there.
Both Remus and Sirius were trying very hard not to display an overt amount of emotion for Harry's sake. Remus had attended the Potter's funeral and even the dedication of the cottage and the erection of the memorial so he was prepared for the wave of grief that overtook him.
Harry was more curious than sad. Had his mother and father gone to the church with its tall steeple and stained glass windows? Did they have neighbors that they visited? Were there other children he had played with? Was the cottage home magical like Number 12 Grimmauld Place or Longbottom Manor?
Beyond the burning curiosity, Harry felt cheated. This is where he would have grown up if Voldemort hadn't murdered his family. He watched a group of children playing football in a nearby field and asked, "Is everyone here a witch or wizard?"
Remus shook his head, "No Harry. Godric's Hollow has many wizarding families, and your ancestors are from here. But this is not a wizarding-only village. A few families are still here but not as many as there used to be." Remus briefly explained Harry's connection to the Peverells and that Ignotus Peverell, a grandfather or uncle a dozen generations removed, was buried in Godric's Hollow.
Sirius was quiet and withdrawn, battling his own twin demons of guilt and loss. Remus asked several times during their visit if he was okay. He wasn't, but he assured Remus that he would be. It was hard being here, but Harry deserved to know where he came from.
The visit to the cottage was emotional. Harry hadn't been allowed inside, as the structure was unstable, and both Sirius and Remus thought it would be too much for Harry to deal with. Harry didn't mind not going inside, as he could barely keep it together just seeing the outside. As they approached the house and Harry placed his hand on the gate, the sign appeared and the graffiti's messages to The Boy Who Lived.
For some reason, it was those messages of thanks and gratitude that brought the enormity of the events that had forever altered his life home to him in stark clarity. The enormity of the sacrifice his parents had made. For him.
"I don't understand. I didn't do anything. I just…didn't die. My mum and dad are the heroes." Harry whispered sadly.
Sirius was the one that went inside leaving Remus and Harry outside. "It looks like a bomb went off," Harry noted.
Remus nodded, "Dumbledore explained to us that when the curse rebounded, the explosion rocked the entire village. And you're right…" Remus put a reassuring hand on the boy's shoulder, "You didn't kill Voldemort Harry. No one killed the bastard. He blew himself up triggering a protective spell your mother had placed on you that night. I have a few other theories about what spell your mother used, but the one thing I know for sure, Harry, is that it wasn't you alone that defeated that tosser. No matter how many people want to lay his disembodiment at the feet of a baby, it will never change that fact."
"Disembodiment?" Harry asked, not having heard that term before.
For a moment Harry didn't think that Remus was going to answer and then he sighed. "It is believed that Voldemort is still alive somehow. He's like a ghost or a spirit, according to Dumbledore."
Harry's eyes got big. "Hagrid said something similar," Harry said. "I've never seen a ghost."
Remus grinned, "You will. Hogwarts has several of them. Each house has a ghost representative."
Harry was sure that Remus was joking but one look at his face told him he was too sad to make jokes. Remus gave a sad look at the once beautiful cottage and said, "Your mother loved flowers. All the flower boxes were filled with all manner of flowers. Lily had quite the green thumb. A bit like Neville in that regard, though I don't think she ever grew anything magical."
Sirius emerged from the cottage and locked it behind him. Remus noticed how pale and shaken he was, but rather than mention it, he simply placed an arm around his friend's shoulders in a comforting gesture. "Let's go pay our respects to James and Lily shall we?"
Together the trio walked towards the church and its small somewhat overgrown graveyard beside it. They paused at the war memorial that magically altered to reveal a statue of a regal couple holding a baby. Harry stared at the statue for long moments, finding the idea that there was a statue in the Potter's memory, so outside his realm of Harry's personal experience that he just stood there for a long moment as if frozen.
Sirius too looked as if he'd been concussed and had to blink away tears that came so easily these days. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. The trip inside the cottage had taken its toll on him.
Just when he thought he was about to lose it, he felt Harry's hand take his own and give a soft reassuring squeeze. "It's okay, Padfoot. We still have each other."
That was all it took and Sirius nodded. "That we do Pup. That we do." He smiled sadly at Harry then and together they went to visit James and Lily's gravesite and prayed to lay to rest the pain of their passing as easily as they laid conjured lilies on the Potter's stone.
Later, after they had returned to Remus's cabin, and an exhausted Harry had been fed and tucked in, Remus and Sirius sat nursing a bottle of whiskey, and talked long into the night sharing stories that made them laugh and cry in equal measure.
Sirius, Remus realized, hadn't been able to grieve properly until now. Remus was a good listener, but didn't let his friend get away with blaming himself for what happened.
"You need to forgive yourself, Padfoot. You couldn't have known. James would never blame you. They knew the risk of staying in Britain. I remember you tried to get them to go to America or even Japan."
Sirius shook his head in denial. "My head knows I'm innocent. But my heart will never believe it. I killed them Moony."
"You didn't." Remus sighed. "You only tried to save them."
Sirius nodded half-heartedly, "Say it, Sirius. You need to say it."
Sirius shook his head, "I can't."
Remus growled, "You can, and for Harry, you must. You are being eaten alive with guilt, Padfoot. Guilt that you can't continue to carry with you."
"You sound like my mind healer." Sirius sighed. "I know you're right… I just… I don't know how." Sirius sighed and then admitted, "I'm scared to death Moony. I'm scared that I'm going to do or say the wrong thing and drive Harry away. I'm scared of losing him."
"You won't." Remus assured.
"I could. I do stupid things all the time. Stuff that almost gets people killed. If it wasn't for James, Snape would be a werewolf meal and you would have been executed or tossed into Azkaban for the rest of your life." Sirius stated angrily.
"Okay, that was stupid. But Snape was stupid too." Remus said. "Way I see it, there is plenty of blame to go around. You can spend the rest of your life disabled by regret or you can learn from the past and move on knowing you won't make the same mistakes again. You may be dense but you're not insane."
Sirius smiled at his friend. "I missed you Moony." He sighed heavily, "I wish… I wish I had trusted you more. How could I have trusted the rat, but not you?" He shook his head, "How come I didn't think to remove the wall and not just the painting? Why is it that once we learn to use a wand we stop using magic without one?" Sirius was becoming more and more inebriated, but Remus was merely spelling away most of his drink. The liver could only tolerate so much before it exploded. In the figurative sense.
"Not sure. But as soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know." Remus helped Sirius to his bed and tucked him in like a mum, complete with a kiss on the forehead and a bedtime story that Sirius insisted on. Remus told him the story of the Three Brothers and before he could finish it, Sirius was asleep and snoring.
"It's like Harry says Padfoot…" Remus whispered to his sleeping friend, "We still have each other."