The next morning...
It was 7:59am, and Loona sat on the couch with Balin in his onesies, waiting for a big TV surprise.
Fizzarolli had texted her awake this morning, saying he and Ozzie made something for the boy to watch around 8 this morning. And as pissed off as she was to be woken up like that, she was rather intrigued to see what it was.
Was it gonna be a news report on Balin's performance at the open mic last night?
or
Was it gonna be a commercial for Ozzie's, featuring that performance?
Soon, the two found out at the end of a 'Saturday Magpie' segment, when the commercial came up.
...
"Hello. I'm Asmodeus." Ozzie said, looking at the TV audience and holding a wine glass full of OJ. "Proud king of the ring and foreplay factory in my name. The name, of love..."
"Got that shit right, Oz." Fix chimed into the commercial holding a plate of pancakes.
"Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking." chucked the sin. "How did I stoop so virally fuckin' low with him? Well, I can tell you one thing we made together *SINGS* This amazing night-club down the street!"
Ozzie then pointed at the night-club with spotlights shining through the windows, before saying: "And no. Not a baby."
The shot changed to Fizzarolli filming around the inside of the nightclub like a selfie.
"Here we have some of the finest performers from not just this ring, but from all of Hell's, performing for your literally all-expenses paid travels to one of its finest establishments. Artists ranging from Verosika Mayday, Katie Mayday, and now... FUTURE Maydays, in our brand new open mic nights!"
The next shot then showed Balin performing his Robbie Williams cover of 'Angels' as Fizz spoke, putting a smile on the boy's face.
"Now coming to Ozzie's after every concert, we're looking for more opportunistic performers for the amazingly-dicked sin's stage. Such as this young rising star in Hell's midst."
"That's me!" exclaimed Balin, as Loona chuckled recording the whole thing.
"Goes to show that if you're different, you can make it anywhere. HAHAHAHA!" laughed Fizz, before he and Ozzie said together: "So c'mon down! Waste all those savings, because aside from a raise, love is what you'll be paid with tomorrow."
The logo for Ozzie's nightclub was then shown on the TV, with the slogan:
"OZZIE'S: Lust begins with a sensation. Darling..."the TV announcer said with a seductive tone.
...
Balin and Loona were both stunned.
"I can't believe it." the boy softly spoke in shock.
"Aww. Meal." grinned Loona.
"I WAS ON THE TV!" he then exclaimed. "That was me! I'm famous, Loona!"
"Damn straight, sweetheart." giggled Loona, as she ruffled his hair and gave him a couple of her doggy kisses.
AT FROST-BITERS...
Loona was soon licking away at something different: A raw-meat flavoured ice-cream in a bacon cone at Frost-Biters Parlour.
"Oh God, this is so fuckin' good." she purred to herself at the taste.
Balin watched Loona lick away at her sweet treat, while he just ordered himself a white chocolate ice-cream cup with toothpaste topping at the create-your-own bar.
That may sound gross, but at least it tastes like peppermint.
"Umm, Loona? I have a question." Balin said to his caretaker.
"Fire away." she smiled.
"On your missions to Earth, do you sometimes... eat humans?" he then asked.
That question almost made Loona spit out of her ice-cream like a projectile vomit. Her snout was nearly big enough for that to happen with ice-cream instead of milk, having said that.
"What?" she asked with concern. "Balin, what makes you wanna ask me that?"
"I was just curious." he replied. "Since the raw meat ice-cream, the vow I made on my second night here, and the night before..."
Loona then cleared her throat and knelt down to the boy's level.
"Well, I don't eat humans." she softly spoke. "Sometimes I do, but that's only when they're impossible for all of us to take down with weapons."
"Uh-huh."
"The rest of the time? I only use me claws or my teeth to bite and scratch." she explained further. "But it's not really normal for wolves or hellhounds to eat humans."
"Just Earth-sheep, Earth-moose, even Earth dogs from time to time, that's all kid." added Blitzø, third-wheeling them as usual.
"Blitzø!" his daughter-on-paper snapped. "What am I, a cannibal? Go sit down with the others."
"Gotcha, sweetie!" Blitzø left the create-your-own bar and walked to a booth where he and M&M were sitting with their ice-creams.
"But you don't have to worry 'bout me eating any humans." Loona continued speaking to Balin. "And you know damn-well I'd never eat you, especially. I made it clear you didn't need to promise you'd be good to avoid that."
"If you say so." Balin then wrapped his arms around Loona, immediately making her blush in the crowd.
She was starting to get used to this affection from the little human, but still had her limits about public life, just as much as she did back at I.M.P.
"OK, OK. We'll hug a little later." she gently patted his head. "But for now, we've got a little celebrating to do."
She then held his hand and walked him over to the booth right next to the imps. The same booth where he met Neptune and Marijiana.
...
Speaking of which, as much as they couldn't resist an ice-cream at Frost-Biters, the two weren't available for the day.
Instead, they were in Stylish Occult trying on different clothes and seeing if they could flirt with different hounds with them. ...And even small imps that they seductively growled at and towered over to arouse them.
One of them just shrugged with a smile saying: 'Why not?'
...
Back at the parlour, Millie then pulled Balin into the imps' booth while Loona kept texting on her phone.
"Aww! You look just as adorable on TV, Balin!" she cooed. "I'm so proud of you...!"
"You already said that when you came in, Aunty Millie." giggled Balin as she gave him kisses.
"I know, but I'm an aunt now. I can never help myself." replied Millie, as she softly rubbed her nose against his.
"So sport, you excited for that sleepover with your friend tomorrow?" asked Moxxie.
"Oh yes, I am, Uncle Moxxie." replied Balin with a smile... and a blush.
A blush, that Loona picked up right away.
"Guess your... girlfriend's excited also?" she teased him.
"GIRLFRIEND?!" the imps gasped and went 'Ooooh...'
"Dammit!" she shouted in her head. "I knew I should've said his friend Matt and whispered that part in his ear."
"You have a girlfriend?" Moxxie asked in a gentle voice.
"That you didn't tell us about!?" added Blitzø.
"Aww babe, I'm jealous." Millie hugged him more gently. "How are you rustling up girlfriends already?"
"Yeah, the closest a boy meets a girl is at 10 or 11." added Moxxie. "Like that Earth film you guys have, called uh... My Girl?"
"Uhh... Moxx, that's a song. Not a movie." Blitzø nudged him.
"No, no, guys, we're just school friends." Balin said using his quotation fingers. "And besides, I didn't even know she was coming..."
"Until you got the message from Matt last night?" Loona interrupted with a smirk.
Balin's eyes then widened hearing Loona say that. "How did you know?"
"Oh, uhh... You did show Tex something on that phone of yours, didn't you?" she replied. "And don't answer that with a lie. When you lie... *Sniffs* You smell tender..."
This sister-like affection made Balin flush harder, especially as it saved Loona from telling him how she snooped on his texts after putting him to bed last night.
"But good thing we're at the mall." Millie started speaking. "How'd you like me and Uncle Moxxie to help you with some 'technically-not' dating advice?"
"Actually!" chuckled Loona anxiously. "...I was gonna help him with that."
"Well, me and Millie have been married for a year-and-a-half now." explained Moxxie. "So we could've been dating for a long time then."
"...I don't know." Loona rubbed the back of her head, unsure of the imps' usual quirky behaviour. "I mean, I've only dated a few times."
"Which a few times ended badly." interjected Blitzø, drinking his ice-cream cup like a bottle of booze.
"DA...! Ugh, Blitzø! Can you not?" Loona was about to shout before she groaned. "They've only ended up badly because you shot them in the head like a sniper OR they just left me the next morning."
"The point is, Loona, we'd be happy to help." continued M&M, showing their smiles.
So, Loona scratched under her muzzle trying to make a decision for a few seconds.
"Okay. You guys can tag along." she sighed before snickering and walking off. "You two elders do seem to know the dating game more than I do."
"She's joking, sweetheart." Millie whispered to Balin. "I'm like 5 years older than your mama puppy."
"MILLIE!" Moxxie seethed and Loona barked, having both heard that.
THROUGHOUT THE DAY...
Moxxie and Millie took him to a lot of different locations around the mall, and other areas of Imp City, starting with...
Moxxie's Choice: An Art Gallery:
Balin looked around at the art museum holding Moxxie's hand.
"Art galleries are by far the best place for a quiet friendly date." he told him. "In fact, it's one place I took Millie when we were dating."
"Yeah. I used to love this place." his wife sighed. "Stopped visiting here a long tiresome time ago."
"Why?"
"Just didn't have the time. I was super busy with work since then." she replied.
As the three walked side by side with Blitzø and Loona behind them, Moxxie showed Balin around the gallery once more, showing him some of his favourite artists, such as...
Vincent Van Gogh,
Pablo Picasso,
And soon, Moxxie saw an exhibition with an artist he was sure Balin would love: Jeff Koons.
"Balin! C'mon!" he said in excitement, holding his wrist and running quickly.
The two of them made it to the exhibition, with Balin showing a 'WOW!' expression on his face at Koons' art.
As Moxxie showed him around the amazing colourful sculptures made by this artist, Balin stared at his reflection through the 'Balloon Dog' work and laughed seeing Loona's reflection.
Admittedly, seeing it for herself, she snickered a little at the artwork itself too.
"Yeah, yeah. I like Koons too. Who doesn't?" said Blitzø. "But do you know what my favourite art is?"
"None?" answered Moxxie with a scoff.
"Close."
Blitzø then pointed to a bunch of artworks that weren't entirely appropriate for Balin, such as...
'EVOLUTION' by STEVE CUTTS
'KISSING COPPERS' by BANSKY
even...
'SELF-PORTRAIT OF FRIED EGGS' by SARAH LUCAS
That artwork made Moxxie shout in disgust. "Sir! Why in Hell's name would you show him these? They're disgusting for his age!" he scolded Blitzø.
"What? I think they're cool." he replied. "Really speaks to the way things in life are today."
"Like this?!" scolded Loona next. "What makes you think the kid would be into art that makes him cry?..."
The gang then saw Balin looking around in awe at the different works, graphic or not. He really loved how they were drawn, animated, and he even loved the descriptions of the works.
"...Or not." Loona then finished with a shrug, not expecting that reaction but relieved he liked it.
"Now that you think about it, I actually love these." said Moxxie.
Everyone else agreed, even Blitzø, who had it lucky this time.
...
Millie's Choice: A Restaurant:
The married imps then took Balin to a fancy restaurant, not just for lunch, but also for an important lesson on dating in a public place, such as this one.
"You see Balin, how Moxxie and I dated, we'd see each other all dressed and groomed, then we'd enter this restaurant with our arms hooked and smiles glued to our faces." explained Millie first.
"Then we just moved onto the basics of friendship before relationship." added Moxxie. "Such as talking about the day's adventures and honest work."
"Yeah. That was before you two sat ON the table and revealed each other's fish-and-chips." interrupted Blitzø with a kitten-like face.
"Ugh, Blitzø!" Millie cringed in disgust while Moxx just showed a more angry expression. "That is SOOO disgusting but accurate!"
"What? I'm just stating the obvious." he protested. "Just as much you do, I don't want him thinking 'bout any of... that."
Blitzø then pointed over to an imp getting food poisoning and throwing up in a wine glass, a pervert trying to unravel Loona's crop-top from behind earning a punch to the face from her, and finally, a chef bursting into flames from the fire on the frying pan.
"MY EYES!" he screamed, as the other chefs began a screaming chorus.
The I.M.P gang were so shocked about this, even Blitzø who put on the iconic expression from the SpongeBob Movie.
Balin then dug his frightened face into Loona's fur as she soothed him with a pat on the back, ...and gave Blitzø an angry inaudible growl.
...
Blitzø's Choice: A Comedy Club:
Surprisingly, the crew went with Blitzø's idea of a comedy club. While the humour wasn't entirely appropriate for Balin OR Amy's age, it was still a improv show.
"What made you choose this place, Blitzø?" asked Millie inquisitively.
"To show Balin what jokes he won't get so he can laugh at them." replied Blitzø, in a rather loud whisper.
"Plus, so he could throw sad suggestions for the improv." added Loona.
"Now first, we need a person." the improv said on stage holding a microphone, her voice sounding like Nikki Glaser. "Who's got a person?"
"KOBE BRYANT!" yelled Blitzø from the crowd.
"Okay, um... how about someone else?" the comedienne said sheepishly.
"DORA THE EXPLORER!" yelled Blitzø again. "AUBREY O'DAY!"
"Oh, okay, how about we do something else?" chuckled the comedienne anxiously. "How 'bout a location?"
"DEATH VALLEY, CALIFORNIA!" yelled Blitzø once again.
Secretly, the host was trying to find whoever was shooting this suggestions. She couldn't see dick through the audience.
"Uh, sir? I think I've heard you loud and clear." she continued, trying to keep her smile. "OK, we've heard from this gentleman, so let's give someone else a go... OH! How about an event?"
"THE WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE MOVEMENT!" Blitzø continued yelling from the crowd. "THE IRISH POTATO FAMINE!"
"Shit... Alright, I heard 'Infused God' as a location from the crowd!" the comedienne said.
"Let's bail, kiddo." Loona then stood up, holding Balin's hand.
"NOBODY SAID 'INFUSED GOD'!"
"Right behind you." sighed Moxxie in annoyance as Millie followed him.
"Okay, Infused God." continued the comedienne. "Now, what sort of scenario should the Infused God have?"
"CREAMPIE!" yelled Blitzø for the last time.
"Wow, sir. Even by Hell's standards, you're a monster." she finally gave up, showing a grumpy expression.
"I'm just giving you the tools, toots! C'MON! Make some fuckin' comedy!" scoffed Blitzø.
...
Soon, Loona took Balin and M&M to the cinemas to watch the AppleTV movie 'WolfWalkers', on the big screen that sinners who died on Earth could use.
Even though some people laughed and kicked the back of their seats, the gang shared some popcorn and candy along with their own drinks, before Loona started speaking to Balin during the epic battle.
"Does this girl of yours like the movies?" she asked. "Or maybe the arcade?"
"I don't know. I never asked her." replied Balin.
"Classic boy behaviour." purred Millie.
"Well, how would you know?" asked Moxxie.
"I've seen her carry a lot of books around at school." explained Balin. "What if she won't have time for that?"
"Balin, come on, like you said. Nobody works on Saturdays." Loona winked at him, making the boy chuckle in agreement.
Soon, as the battle scene progressed with the wolves pouncing out of the fire, a real fire started burning from behind the screen, causing everyone to stand up and slowly make their way out of the theatre before they could even run.
Thankfully the lucky four all got out just before the flames got out of control.
Once they were out of the cinema, and outside the mall where fire trucks were called in, the gang all found Blitzø outside with everyone else as he crouched own the perimeter barrier and ran straight towards them.
"Oh, thank Satan y'all are okay!" he sighed in relief, hugging Loona before she kicked him off of her.
"What the hell were you thinking with THAT one, Blitzø?!" she snapped.
"What the hell... are you talking about?" he replied back. "I didn't start whatever fire's a-blazing in there."
"Oh. I see..."
"I'm serious!" exclaimed Blitzø before he calmed down and spoke to the boy. "Sorry if I screwed my chance to help with this Lady Luck of yours. I just... didn't want you to end up the way I was dating Verosika, nervous or no."
"All that stuff happened when you two were dating?" asked the boy with a tilted head.
"Yep." replied the boss. "More than you could ever believe. I understand if you don't want that help now. They don't, anyway."
"That's not true. I do." said Balin, holding Blitzø's hand in sympathy. "I still have until tomorrow afternoon."
Blitzø then showed a small smile and blush on his cheek for the kid.
"T-Thanks, squirt. Means a lot." he said softly. "But... I'll just let you guys head home and sort things out then. Once again... See ya's tomorrow!" he began walking away, waving goodbye.
"Well. You heard the big guy, little guy." Loona knelt down to Balin's level and picked him up with her shoulders for a ride. "Time to get you all packed for the clubhouse."
As the two started making their way, M&M set forward with them to help out.
"So... Balin, we forgot to ask." said Moxxie.
"What's the lucky gal's name?" Millie added.
"Amy." replied Balin. "Amy Flòurest."
"A French name, eh?" purred Moxxie. "Ooh-la-la..."
Millie snickered the loudest out of the gang, while Loona just rolled her eyes with a slight smile on her muzzle for him.
"Then aww, dang! I knew I should've chosen that Francois cafe." the tomboy imp chuckled to herself out loud.
A/N: See y'all in the next chapter.