Every Moo Down in Lunatea Liked Christmas a lot...
But the King of Sorrow, Who lived just north of Lunatea, Did NOT!
Sorrow hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his scarf was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His scarf or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Moos,
Staring down from his castle with a sour, Sorrowful frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Moo down in Lunatea beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a Wind Ring wreath.
"And they're practicing their volleyball!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his green fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, with a reluctant air
The Sorrow King would dress up for the day's festive fair
Costumed as Baguji, the prophet of legend
But the King didn't believe such things for a second.
He would give the people of Lunatea their presents and gifts
And come Christmas morning all the Moo adolescents
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their presents!
Like, Memory Dolls, and Medals, and other such contents.
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Moos, young and old, would sit down to Christmas dinner.
With the king being made to carve up the roast, the sinner.
And they'd all feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Moo-burgers, and rare Moo-carrot steak.
Which the king couldn't stand with any stamina he could make!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Moo down in Lunatea, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
And the king, that old cur, would stand in the middle of it all.
Dressed up in his garb and feeling quite small.
And as much as the king despised taking the role,
It was the only way for him to find companionship in his soul.
They'd all stand hand-in-hand. And the Moos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the King thought of this Moo Christmas Sing,
The more the King thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for two thousand years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE KING OF SORROW GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The King laughed in his throat.
And he went down and grabbed his Baguji hat and coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, with sorrowful glee!
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Baguji!"
"All I need is a reindeer..." The King looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old King? No! For Sorrow simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his soldier, Glibz. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Glibz.
Then the King said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the Moos Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Moos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first Element temple in La-Lakoosha.
"This is stop number one," the old Sorrow Claus hissed,
And he climbed up the roof, empty sacks in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight thing.
But, if Baguji could do it, then so could the King.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the Lakoosha guards all stood in a row.
"These guards," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, past every guard present!
Past defences, and traps, and wires, and strings!
Past lasers, and arrows, and pressure plates, and things!
And he came up on a door. Then the King, very nimbly,
Picked the lock, and then tipped on through quick wintry!
Then he slunk to the main room. He took all the treasures!
He took the crown jewels! He took the sacred texts!
He stripped down that jewel box as quick as a flash.
Why, that King did it all with a glee most brash!
Then he surveyed the empty room with a feeling most decadent.
"And NOW!" grinned the King, "I will make off with the element!"
And the King grabbed the gem, and he stuffed it in his sack,
When he heard a small sound like the bleat of a yak.
He turned around fast, and he saw a Priestess in training!
Little Lolo, who was not more than fifteen.
The King had been caught by this tiny Priest Swatter,
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the King and said, "Baguji, why,"
"Why are you taking our Elements? WHY?"
But, you know, that old King was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake prophet of old lied,
"There's a spot on this gem that won't work on one side."
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the kid. Then he patted her head,
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.
And when Lolo the sneak went to bed with her cup,
HE went back to the chimney and stuffed the sack up!
Then the last thing he did was adjust his attire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
And the guards in the room were all none the wiser.
And the one remnant of energy that he left in the place,
Was a gem much too weak to leave even a trace.
Then He did the same thing to the other Moos temples
Stripping them all down to the bare fundamentals!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Moos, still a-bed,
All the Moos, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their elements! The gold! The wrappings!
The jewels! And all the other coveted trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Hyuponia,
To punt the whole lot down halfway to Babylonia!
"PoohPooh to the Moos!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
And without all their elements to tell them what to do,
All Moos down in Lunatea will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the King, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the King put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
And as the Sorrow ruler had hoped, as the noise grew in scope
He could hear all the citizens wail and mope
For now, without their Elements to give them their hope,
Feelings of nothing but sorrow flew up the slope.
It was what he'd wanted! The feeling was mutual.
But the king was not happy, he felt quite unusual.
Deep down, he felt emptier than ever before.
With the elements in hand, he felt sickened by it all.
And the King, with his flat-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It's nothing but sorrow! Just as I had wished!"
"And yet I am sickened by this fate I have dished!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the King thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Sorrow," he thought, "need not all there be."
"Maybe it need not be all that you see"
"Maybe Christmas need not be something to abhor"
"Maybe it all...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...Lunatea could not be sure.
Maybe the elements helped make the king feel more pure.
But the one thing that every moo could surely say,
Is the King's small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the elements! The good times and the love!
The people of Lunatea cheered at the salvation from above.
And at last the king found himself accepted at last
And he,
HE HIMSELF!
The King,
Dressed up in scarf hat and coat.
Sang along with them all, at the top of his throat.
And for every new Christmas in Lunatea from then.
Every Moo in the land would spend it with a new friend.