Freedom and Betrayal
Author's Note: I've never written anything with Bucky before that's not a collab and I think I regret ever trying. XD Hopefully this isn't too OOC and if any of the characters are acting weird or being stupid, that's probably the author's fault, not theirs. :3
Also, don't ask what's going on with the background plot. I have no idea. :P And the good news is that Bucky doesn't either. This entire thing was just an excuse to write angst.
And there's a lot of things going on with Tony that are not going to be clear from the start but it'll be explained by the end. I also tried to clearly show how Tony is feeling but it's not really easy from Bucky's POV... And no one worry. Tony didn't decide to just go evil. There's a lot more going on. ;)
~ Tirana Sorki
Going on missions with his handler always has him uneasy. It means that if he makes the slightest mistake or slip up, they'll know. And that – never ends well.
The Asset doesn't remember much of it. He just remembers enough.
But ever since he got his new handler, he's worked with him closely a lot.
"Come on. how many more of these are there?" Stark whines, blasting a few more of the group of robots they're fighting.
He doesn't know what they are or where they came from. They're a threat and he's meant to eliminate it. His handler isn't giving an order so he doesn't say anything in reply. He doesn't fully understand why his handler talks so much as it is. His other one – Pierce – never does that.
He keeps his focus on shooting his way through these things and it's going well until a few of them jump him. He's fighting them off easily enough, at least until one of them catches ahold of his metal arm, wrenching it painfully.
Something in it must've torn something –
In his shoulder maybe?
All he can feel is a wild, burning pain.
Nearly enough that he blacks out. He struggles to blink back to himself, realizing he's down on his knees on the floor and dodges as he nearly gets shot again. His entire shoulder feels like it's on fire –
But that doesn't matter. The mission – He can't fail.
Stark blasts a bunch more of the robots in rapid succession and then he's turning towards him.
The Asset tries to go for his gun to pick it up but the pain flares up sharply enough that he nearly blacks out again.
"Hey," Stark crouches in front of him. The helmeted red and gold face swims in front of him.
Focus.
This is his handler.
"You good there?"
He blinks, scrambling for words. Now isn't the time for a damage report. He can't be damaged right now – there's no time for it. "Affirmative," he rasps instead, trying to go for a knife to fling at another one of the approaching robots. Stark blasts it with a shot from one of his hand repulsors.
"Whoa," he says, catching the Asset's other shoulder and pushing him back down, "You look about to black out. Stay here. I'll deal with the rest of these guys."
Stay here.
That's an order. So he needs to comply.
At least it means he won't have to keep moving right now.
It also means he knows he's failing the mission, and his heart skips a beat. This will not – end well. He sinks back against the floor anyway, as he was told. At least it makes the pain a little else to stay here. But that shouldn't matter because he doesn't fail.
So it doesn't matter if the pain is less right now because that's not going to be true for long -
He hears a few more distant sounds of shooting and then Stark is coming back, kneeling in front of him. "What's wrong?" he asks. He doesn't seem angry.
That probably won't mean anything for long.
"Left shoulder – damaged," he rasps. He doesn't know how. It must be bad to hurt this much.
But that's not a good enough reason to fail.
"Jarvis, scan him," Stark says.
He holds perfectly still, barely breathing.
It – it's never good when Pierce is this close to him.
He can distantly hear a voice speaking inside Stark's helmet and it's unsettling.
"They connected his arm how?" he demands, "Wow. I think they could've done better in the dinosaur age. Does your arm always hurt?"
It always has. He thought they all knew. It doesn't matter – But he's being asked a question. "Yes, sir."
Stark spews out a string of words that the Asset can't make sense of but he's uncertain if they're supposed to have a meaning. His handler talks a lot. "That's ridiculous. Did they do that on purpose? How do you do anything if it's always hurting?"
Is that a question he's supposed to answer? He doesn't even know what to say. What –
Stark stands, holding out a hand, though for what, the Asset isn't sure. "We need to get you out of here and have that looked at. Come on. Can you walk?"
He has little other choice. He's not going to indicate he needs help form his handler – he's malfunctioned enough already. And injury treatment never ends well as it is. He offers another mindless "affirmative," as he stumbles upright, nearly falling again. Stark's hand lands on his shoulder to steady him and he freezes, half expecting it to be painful but it's not. It actually does well at helping him find his balance. Still, he feels about to collapse but he stays up through sheer willpower as he stumbles back out for the waiting jet.
He's mostly just confused that Stark keeps slowing his pace so he doesn't fall.
**w**
He feels light-headed and dizzy, as he stands back at the Hydra base. Stark gave him some kind of pain killer on the way back, but it's wearing off now.
He's confused about that to – but maybe his handler wanted him focused though he didn't actually say anything about the mission. He just rambled non-stop about things that seemed generally unimportant. And asked him twice if he was alright. He's still confused about why. He already gave his damage report.
But now that he's back here, all he knows is that his handler's are arguing and he has never seen that happen before, not he really remembers, but he doubts that will end well either. Especially not since they're arguing about him. He doesn't think he's ever even had two before, not that he would remember. Not that it matters. But it just means he doesn't know what to... expect.
"Stark, you're being ridiculous," Pierce is saying.
"No, I'm not. I could have designed a better arm for him when I was ten and its condition could have cost the entire mission for no reason."
"It has worked all this time. His failure will be handled," Pierce replies cooly.
His heart does a sort of wild flutter and it skips a few beats. Of course this was coming.
He had it coming for failing. He shouldn't have failed. He knows that. There's something wrong with him and they're going to fix it, like always, but –
"Well, that was a result of your own stupidity. Not his. Let me handle that."
The rest of Starks' ramble is lost on him but he is confused.
Why is his other handler taking responsibility for his mistake? That doesn't make sense. Unless it's a matter he wants to deal with himself, instead of Pierce. That would make sense. Stark needs him to be functioning right since he's the one he's working with directly.
That does nothing to decrease his fear.
But then Pierce is ordering the other agents to take him to maintenance and that's the last he has time to think about it.
**w**
They haven't put him back in freeze or in the chair for a little while. He doesn't know why but there's been a lot of missions frequently. The rest of the time he's left is an empty small room where he mindlessly waits.
It's Stark who comes to get him again. "Hopefully they actually treated your arm?" he asks.
"Yes, sir." Having it removed from his shoulder and then refastened while he was conscious was not something he wants to think of further. But he had it coming for his mission failure. At least the worst of the pain is gone now, even if it still aches.
Stark grumbles something unflattery under his breath that the Asset thinks is about the other agents. He doesn't seem to like them very much. He always seems far snarkier whenever they're back at the base, for some reason.
"Come," he tells him finally, "We're... going somewhere else today."
He quickly realizes that somewhere else means to a building with Sark's name on the side. This can't be a normal mission, whatever exactly they're doing here.
The Asset doesn't know why but there is something about Stark that seems –
For a moment, he thinks he remembers another face but – It doesn't matter. It just means he's malfunctioning again. He can't malfunction right here and now when he's with his handler.
This isn't a normal mission. He doesn't know what it is, though. He stays tense and observant as he's taken into the tower, through some kind of back entrance so they don't run into any people.
No witnesses.
That's always part of the mission.
He's taken to some kind of machine workshop.
"All right," Stark says, sounding satisfied, "No more bugs. No more snoopers. Anyway, I looked into a way to get you a new arm, one that's actually going to be installed properly and shouldn't hurt – but I'll have to take some measurements and stuff. But... I just need to say that I don't want to just change your arm if you don't want it. But I guess they probably never asked you about that in the first place."
...What?
He doesn't have wants.
No, he doesn't want it to hurt but it always has he doesn't remember anything else but what is he supposed to say? Is he supposed to say something? He doesn't know. Can't tell if Stark looks expectant or not. But he needs to say something because he doesn't really want to get slapped –
Stark has never hit him before, actually, but he's still his handler and that's what they do if he's malfunctioning.
"It – it does not interfere with the mission."
Not usually, at least.
But he doesn't understand the question anyway because if his handler thinks they need to change something about him, then it's their choice. They would know.
Stark huffs. "Okay but look – that doesn't excuse them leaving you in constant pain. Or half the other things they do. Anyway here – you'll have to come over here." He waves a hand at some bench near the table. He seems almost uncomfortable himself though the Asset isn't certain as to why.
Being near his handler is never good. He still does as he's told, coming over and sitting down stiffly.
Is this going to hurt? It always hurts when they're fixing him. It always –
Stark is looking at him, something on his face that the Asset cannot interpret. "You know, you don't need to keep looking at me like I'm Darth Sidious."
Da – What?
"I'm not doing this to hurt you. Even if I'm sure that's a hard thing to believe with how many jerks you've been surrounded by."
He doesn't know if he's supposed to say something.
Doesn't – have anything to say.
He doesn't fully understand either why Stark is so strange.
He's the best handler he's had and actually even if he should not think that because it doesn't matter how his hander treats him, all that matters is the next orders but still half the time he talks, at first it was unnerving but sometimes it is more of the opposite now, more a – moment that he does not need to be constantly on guard.
Stark toys around with some equipment and measurements for a while.
It doesn't actually hurt.
But then his handler turns to looks at him again and he looks a bit –
He can't make sense of his expression, actually.
"There's someone who wants to meet you. Someone I think you'd like to meet too. But this... isn't something you can talk about to anyone else. Even if they are another Hydra agent."
...he's had stranger orders. He thinks. "Affirmative."
Stark looks away from him. He seems almost uncomfortable again. Half the time the Asset gives the response he's supposed to, to any order, his handler seems to get weird about it. He doesn't understand why.
"He should be right outside. You can – you know, go out there."
He wishes his orders didn't sound so vague but... This is what he's being told to, even if it's as unusual as it gets, so he stands slowly moving for the door.
Stark turns his attention back to whatever he's doing about his arm so he silently leaves the room, stepping out into the hall.
Someone is pacing in the hallway outside, someone who was definitely not here right before. He freezes the moment the Asset comes out, though.
There's something about him, something –
"Bucky," he breathes. The word sounds faint and strangled.
That word is familiar.
But he doesn't know why. "Who's Bucky?"
The man breathes out shakily. "That's your name."
...What?
He doesn't have a name. He's not supposed to have one – he just doesn't. And he's wondered sometimes why everyone does but him but it doesn't matter because that has nothing to do with the mission so he has no idea why this person is telling him otherwise or – "I don't have a name."
"You used to have one. One they made you forget."
When he was wiped?
He knows – knows there's things he always forgets. Things that aren't supposed to be important.
A face is dancing just out of his reach, through. Of someone with the same voice but it couldn't be this person because the person he thinks of is someone smaller, someone –
No.
It's not important.
Yes it is. There's something – someone –
"Who are you?" His heart is pounding and he doesn't – understand what's going on. Why did his handler tell him to talk to this person and why –
"I'm Steve. We used to know each other." He looks hurt. Desperate. "I'm... with Tony."
But –
It still doesn't make full sense to him.
Is he an Asset too? Is that why they're even allowed to talk? But then why does he have a name if –
Did he used to have one too? But then why...
Steve sighs. "I'm sorry – I'm sure this is a lot of out of nowhere, especially right now. It's just... been a long time since I last saw you."
He doesn't know if this person is also an Asset but something whispers of how he must be. It's the only thing that would explain the familiarity. Because it's not – the way it is towards his handlers. It eases something in him just a tiny bit, at that knowledge. "I... don't remember you."
"I know." Steve sighs again. "I just – want to tell you that I won't let them keep hurting you."
That –
That doesn't sound like something they should be allowed to speak of. It's just how it is. Because if they don't, then he malfunctions and he knows that but –
He doesn't want to forget this person.
He doesn't have wants.
He's scrambling to find some kind of reply when the door opens, his handler coming out.
The Asset – Bucky? – straightens instantly, going rigid.
Steve doesn't exactly, though he seems disappointed.
"I wanted to give you more time," Stark says, looking between them, "But... they're demanding he be brought back."
Steve sighs, gaze never tearing from the Asset. "Alright."
Stark pats Steve's shoulder.
The Asset stares at them, some mix of confused and wary – he was half expecting him to get hit or something. Unless he's wrong over their relationship since Steve doesn't seem to address him as "sir". He's so lost.
The ride back to the base shouldn't be any different than usually but it is.
He can't stop thinking about Steve, and about... the whispers of something far in the back of his mind. Steve said he knew him. He doesn't know when. He never got to ask him any of that. If they were Assets together or – what. And none of that shoulder matter, but...
He doesn't want to forget him.
**w**
The Asset hasn't been refrozen for a while. Not since Stark became his handler though he doesn't know why. Handler Pierce comes to talk to him, once Stark is gone.
"What happened while you were at Stark's tower?" he asks.
He doesn't know why he's being asked about this. But he answers anyway, mentioning the little about his arm.
Something isn't right. He can tell though he – doesn't know what. The agents seem unusually tense for some reason.
He can't stop thinking about Steve.
"And that is all?" Pierce asks. He seems doubtful.
The Asset hesitates.
Should – should he mention Steve?
Stark told him not to. But Pierce is his handler too. He's his highest handler – he –
Stark told him not to.
His orders are clashing and what is he –
Pierce slaps him. "Well?"
What – what does he –
Not answering would be a lie.
But –
"There was someone there," he answers slowly.
Why is he so scared to say this – Why –
"Someone?" Pierce prompts, impatiently.
Impatience is not a good sign.
Stark never gets like that. He'd rather follow his orders. He doesn't get to choose that what is he thinking he's definitely malfunctioning –
"His name is Steve. He said I used to know him."
Something flashes across Pierce's face. He looks angry. Furious.
The Asset barely dares to breathe.
"And Stark was aware of this meeting?"
"Yes, sir."
He shifts back a little, expression too calm and angry at once. "I should have known," he says finally, "Stark's sudden allegiance to Hydra was a fraud. Has he ever told you to do something against my orders?"
Don't tell any Hydra agents –
Does Stark telling him that count? Is that – Was Stark not supposed to do that? But he's his handler and he doesn't understand. "Negative."
It's true but it's also not and it suddenly feels like a lie. But it's not – not really –
"Your next mission is to eliminate Stark," Pierce says evenly, "And Steve Rogers."
He's supposed to kill his – handler?
And Steve?
But –
He shouldn't feel the wild surge of panic he does at the mere thought. He shouldn't but he does because –
He doesn't want –
He doesn't have wants. Why does he keep malfunctioning what is wrong with him –
"Is that understood?" Pierce is still angry.
"Affirmative," he offers mindlessly even if he doesn't understand at all. But a mission is a mission. The why doesn't matter.
But – but –
"We'll see to it that you do."
The words are enough for him to know to expect something – painful. He might not remember much of anything of past times but he knows that.
He's expecting to be sent back to the chair, but – they don't.
He doesn't know why.
Maybe they need him to remember everything about Stark right now. But that doesn't mean what happens instead is going to be any better.
**w**
The room is dark and he can't move. They strapped him down to – something. He can feel the metal cold and tight against his wrists and he hasn't been able to move in – it's been a long time. Long enough that he's sore from it. Long enough that he's desperately aching to be able to move at all and at least standing perfectly still at attention for hours is better than this.
He doesn't fully understand what it is he's being punished for in the first place. Except that apparently Stark isn't Hydra and Pierce believes he should have known.
And he's malfunctioning. He knows he is, because –
He still can't stop thinking about Steve. And he should not be continuing to think about someone who he knows is a target. Who –
When they finally come back, Pierce is there again, reaffirming that his next instructions are to eliminate Stark. They're going on a mission together and... once the mission is complete, he is to kill Stark and make it look accidental.
Stark isn't his handler anymore. At least, he's not supposed to be but the Asset can't look at him and think anything else. And he's supposed to kill his handler. Well, that's not exactly what this is but it also –
But that's not half of what's making him freeze up. He doesn't want Stark to stop being his handler. He doesn't want to see him dead, to –
But that doesn't matter because orders are orders and he can't just outright disobey them. He can't. But – He knows what will happen if he does. Or he doesn't know, actually, but he doesn't fail because he doesn't and he can't and –
This time, Stark's rambling has the Asset more on edge than anything else.
This'll be the last time he ever hears it.
All he knows is that he's starting to get distracted because he keeps pausing mid-mission. They're fighting more of these robots and he will get them both killed if he doesn't focus but he can't stop thinking about the other mission he's supposed to be doing.
It still feels like turning on his handler. And that alone has him freezing up.
But Stark isn't his handler anymore, and –
He wishes that he was, wishes that wasn't about to change, because he's different from Pierce, and he's –
Almost all of the robots are down.
The Asset's hands close around his rifle.
Killing Stark through his armor won't be easy.
He can't fail.
He doesn't want to do this –
Stark turns around to look at him as he blasts one of the last few robots. "What are you doing?" He sounds – he knows something is up.
His hands tighten around the rifle. They're shaking. He's supposed to be firing. Not just standing here.
"Something going on?" he presses, taking a step closer.
The suddenness sends a sharp spark of fear through him. Stark knows something is off and he won't let it go either until he answers because he's still acting as his handler, despite his orders, and – Then he'd hurt him too and he still has to answer to Pierce and he needs to stop thinking what is wrong with him why does he keep doing this –
He fires.
The bullets clang off Stark's armor.
It happens to fast for him to think it through – he keeps firing, more out of fear of what'll happen if he doesn't. Stark fires a blast at him.
It misses him entirely. He thinks a second later, that he doesn't know if it were meant to hit him because he doesn't know how Stark could have missed that badly. But he ducked the blast instinctively and that slowed him down a second. Stark tackles him, knocking his rifle away. The Asset goes for his knife instead, purely on instinct, because now that he's started he can't stop he's too afraid of what would happen to him now if he did by either of his handlers –
Stark fires again. He thinks the blast was meant for his arm but he's dodging and it him in the side instead, flinging him to the ground.
Stark freezes a moment. "Sorry," he says, of all completely mind-blowing things he could possibly have concocted to say right now, "I didn't – "
He moves for his dropped knife.
That throws Stark back into motion again. He rolls back to his feet, standing over him. "Stand down," he orders, though he sounds a bit – panicked? Maybe?
Still, the sharpness of the order is enough to make the Asset freeze instinctively.
Only to remember a second later that this isn't his handler and he doesn't need to follow his orders but he –
He'd probably be shot if he tried moving for a weapon now.
Maybe?
Now that matters. He's fought through being shot before he knows how to do that that's not why he's not moving but now he can't think at all past the panic strangling him because he still doesn't want to finish this and there's a wild part of him that's glad Stark's stopping him but if he fails then – then –
"Pierce told you to eliminate me, didn't he?" Stark guesses. He sounds a bit flippant but also unusually tense.
There's no reason not to answer. "Affirmative."
"Should've guessed," Stark grumbles, then hesitates, "Look - I know you've always answered to Hydra but you don't have to. You can come with me. They won't be able to get to you, to hurt you. And I'm sure you'd like to see Steve again."
That's –
He did not expect such an offer.
But he was Stark's Asset. He probably still sees his usefulness.
This isn't...
It's so confusing.
Stark's not his handler anymore or he's not supposed to be but it still also feels like he is and –
He doesn't want to forget Steve again. And he will, if – if he goes back to Hydra. And he's supposed to be finishing his mission but he won't have to if Stark is still his handler.
What will he do to him if he is if he tried to kill his handler he's never done anything close to that disobedient before –
Stark lowers his weapons.
It feels like a pointed invitation.
He hesitates, still torn. Too scared to think reasonably especially when thinking isn't really something he's meant to do anyway unless it's about how to complete the mission. But there is only one real choice to make right now.
"I didn't mean to hurt you," Stark says and he seems to be sort of fumbling which is strange. "Are you hurt? I can..."
His side aches from where the blast hit him but he's been hurt far worse. It's nothing. "Negative."
He huffs out a breath that seems relieved. Maybe? That doesn't really make sense. Unless it's just that he wants him to be functional right now.
"Part of why I joined HYDRA was to get to you," Stark goes on after a heartbeat, "But if you're gonna come with me, we'll have to leave soon before they know something's up."
He knows that. They could be out of time.
He rises to his feet slowly, uncertainly. "Ready to comply," he offers finally.
Stark twitches sharply, huffing out a breath. "Alright, come then." He moves for the doorway.
The Asset follows, still wary.
Stark doesn't turn his back on him.
He isn't surprised about that.
**w**
The drive back to Stark tower isn't the same as usual. Stark doesn't say much of anything. He seems tense and it has the Asset even more tense too.
Pierce won't let this go. He doesn't know what it means to have two handlers, not when they're fighting. It's confusing. And it doesn't make sense.
But if he's following Starks' orders now, he probably needs to just stop thinking about it. He will do as he's told and that's all that matters.
But it also means he tried to kill his handler and just because he hasn't mentioned it again doesn't mean he won't because that's as bad of a malfunction as it gets – And he has no idea what Stark is going to do to him once they actually get to where they're going.
"Right now," Stark says finally, as they're nearing the building, "Your mission is... to learn to live. And no more brain frying or turning you into an ice cube. We don't do that here."
Why does he always say things so strangely? Nor does the Asset fully understand what such a mission even means.
And if he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing, he doesn't know how he's going to be able to do it. But he doesn't know how to give voice to any of the million questions swirling in his mind, so instead he just offers a hesitant, "affirmative."
Steve is waiting for them when they get up to one of the upper floors.
He doesn't know what he's expected to do now. Stark isn't explaining what his mission orders even mean.
"You made it back," Steve says, looking relieved.
The Asset freezes when he realizes Steve is talking to him.
His – their? – handler is right here and –
He's not allowed to just talk when his handler is here. So why is Steve doing it?
"You can go with Steve," Stark tells him, "There's some things we need to talk about but we can... do that later. Once you're more comfortable here."
...Comfortable?
What?
Mostly, he's just fixated on the there's some things we need to talk about because there's only one thing that could mean. His new handler must still be angry at him for trying to kill him. He's not ready for that. He's never going to be ready for that. This is going to be bad –
But then Stark is leaving and he breathes a little easier.
"Are you okay?" Steve asks, instantly turning his full attention to him. He looks worried. It's a strange look to see on someone, when it's directed towards him.
"Yes." He had so many questions for Steve. His tongue suddenly feels like lead now that he can ask them. Is he allowed to ask any of that? He doesn't know if the rules here are the same as Hydra.
"I'm sure this has been a lot," he says, after a heartbeat, "But – you're free of Hydra now. I won't let them get to you again." The tone has the Asset uncertain which of them he's trying more to reassure.
"They will try. To come after me." He knows that.
He's malfunctioning to even have picked a different handler in the first place. He doesn't get to do that. But nothing's really made sense at all since Stark showed up.
"We won't let them," Steve promises again, nearly desperately, "They won't hurt you again."
He doesn't really know what to say so he says nothing.
Pain is part of being the Asset. That's just how it is, what it means. If he's malfunctioning, then they fix him however they need to. Being here doesn't mean anything different – Stark already made that clear.
Steve has that pained look on his face.
He wants to – do something to make him stop looking like that. That's also the strangest sensation he's ever had nor one he knows what to do with.
"Have you... eaten recently?"
Eaten? That's not a...
He doesn't know how to answer that.
"They do feed you right?" Steve asks warily at his hesitation.
"The Asset is given a... drink." He doesn't know what it is. Just that it's not water. It's not something he's ever thought about. It's part of maintenance.
He's seen people eating on missions but it's not something he's ever given thought to. It's not important.
Steve seems upset for some reason. But he's not his handler so he shouldn't need to worry about being hit. He's still jittery though, just a little.
"I can get you something if you want."
Why does everyone keep saying want as though he has those?
Stark told him to stay with Steve, though, and he doesn't think Steve would tell him do something that's against the rules. So he just silently follows him through the halls to some room and gets him some food.
That Steve is eating in a seat across from him eases up some of his tension enough to try it.
It actually tastes like something, unlike whatever he's always been given. It's a strange sensation. Not one that should really matter.
It still does a little bit.
The silence that initially settles between them is long enough for him to finally get his thoughts in order, enough to risk asking, "How did we used to know each other?"
Steve looks up, his expression doing something... weird. He seems – happy? Maybe? – at being asked. "We've known each other nearly as long as I can remember. You were my best friend. We... grew up together."
Grew up together?
But –
Logically, it makes sense he once a child.
But his brain can't compute the notion. He's always been this. This thing.
He just lets Steve keep talking., as he explains that apparently he joined some kind of war and Steve joined after that, and he got some kind of serum and that made him into this – because he used to be much smaller.
Something clicks in his mind.
An image of a much smaller boy, even if it's gone almost before it registers.
Is that why this Steve doesn't seem familiar?
"We were fighting Hydra. We fought it together for years but then – they captured you. I don't know what happened. I thought you were dead. I went to take out their leader and crashed the plane in the arctic. I thought I was going to die but then I woke up seventy years in the future. I thought Hydra was gone but then... Tony told me they were everywhere. And that you were still alive and that they had you." He breathes out shakily. "They made you their weapon. They wiped your memories so you wouldn't know to escape them."
He wasn't supposed to be this? But...
"This has always been the Asset's purpose," he objects. It's too confusing and it doesn't make sense to think anything else.
Steve breathes out heavily. "No, it wasn't. They took your life from you but... that's probably a lot right now."
"But that is... what the Asset's purpose is here too," he objects, slowly,
"Stark infiltrated Hydra to get you out. Not because he wanted to be your handler. He... can probably explain it to you."
"I don't understand." Like at all. He is not anticipating his next conversation with Stark either – at all. Everything Steve is saying has him even more lost on what to expect. It's not... It is too confusing
"It will probably make more sense eventually," Steve says quietly.
He hopes it does, because he doesn't want to end up getting in trouble because he doesn't even understand what he's supposed to be doing.
There's still a tiny part of him that just wants to be glad he gets to be with Steve again.
**w**
Stark asks him to come down to his workshop area later that day. He tries not to focus too hard on his hammering heart as he goes down there. He was expecting this.
He just thought it –
Maybe that it wouldn't be right now. At least it'll be over, though, whatever's going to happen.
"I think I owe you an explanation," Stark says, after a heartbeat. He seems a bit uncomfortable about something, though the Asset can't tell what or why.
He doesn't know what he means by that either but he just stays quiet, listening.
"I know this is not going to make any sense but I time-traveled from the future."
He's... what?
"I know, I know – that probably sounds ridiculous. But time travel is actually possible in more than just theory and I've done it more than once but – that's beside the point. I lived through over a decade into the future and...then I died and ended up in the past instead but that's a story for some other time."
People go to the past when they die?
Well.
It's not like he would know if that's not true.
He's just fairly certain it's not.
He just stays quiet and keeps listening – it's not as if he has something to say, even if he's only getting more confused.
"Anyway, when I ended up back in the past, there was a few things I thought about changing. Like HYDRA. I knew they had you. HDYRA was using weapons from my business and my... partner had some kind of deal with them without me realizing it." His expression darkens the slightest bit, as he says it.
The Asset doesn't fully see why any of this is important but at least it is an answer about why Stark was pretending to be HYDRA. Something Pierce would have liked to know – but he doesn't have to report to him anymore.
"And then they decided to put me as your handler. I wanted to get you out and that was the best way I knew of to do it."
That –
Is a little like what Steve was saying but it doesn't make sense.
This is his... function.
Why would they want to change that? What would it mean if they did? It's the only thing he knows how to be.
"I didn't bring you here to be what you were to HYDRA. You're free. You're a person, not whatever they tried to make you into, and that's something you should get to be." Stark glances away for him. "I think that came out weird. But anyway – it's something you needed to know. You don't... answer to me anymore. Or to – well, anyone."
But that doesn't make sense because he always has and – If he's not here to be his asset, then what is he here for? What is he supposed to do? What – what does that even mean?
"Mission clarification," he requests finally.
Stark huffs out a breath. "That's what I was saying. You don't – " He sighs. "I guess that probably doesn't make sense. But right now, you just... need to learn to live. You can move around wherever you want to."
Want.
That word is forever confusing and having vague rules isn't good.
Except he's saying that he doesn't have any and that can't be fully right.
Stark glances between him and the work mess his shop is. He seems uncertain what to say, which doesn't make sense because that doesn't seem possible for his handler.
"You can leave if you want. That's just what I needed to say."
Is that a dismissal?
It sounds like one but it only comes with a rush of questions that leave him entirely lost. He starts to move towards the door slowly, a bit uncertainly but – His mind is mostly just reeling and he can't stop focusing on how he hasn't gotten punished yet and he doesn't want to have to keep thinking about what Stark's planning to do to him for that. He'd rather it just be over with so he doesn't need to keep thinking about it, but –
He hesitates near the door.
Stark pause, looking up and catching his gaze. "Is something wrong?" he asks, "I mean, not that you have to leave, but I didn't think you were a fan of this place much."
He's not.
Only because he was brought here once for possible repair and that always means pain.
Except when he was here, that's not what it meant.
"The Asset malfunctioned on the mission," he blurts and suddenly wishes he hadn't said anything at all because what is he even thinking why is he asking for this why did he say anything at all that was so stupid –
"I know you were just following orders," Stark replies.
As though he doesn't even care but that still doesn't seem possible. That's not how this works.
But he doesn't know what to say when all he wishes is that he'd said nothing at all even if he'd rather just get to stop thinking about this.
Realization seems to dawn on Stark suddenly. "If you're expecting some kind of consequences, you don't need to. You don't need to worry about that here, remember? I –I'm not going to hurt you. I didn't call you down here for that." He seems appalled? Maybe?
That's confusing the Asset even more.
But... maybe it shouldn't be?
Stark hasn't hurt him before. Maybe he doesn't have a reason to expect that it's going to happen again even if it feels a bit unreal to think that could possibly be true.
But his handler would have no reason to lie.
"I meant it when I said you were free here," he promises, "And uhh hey – I'm still working on that arm for you. But we can talk about that some other time probably." He seems to be kind of fumbling, for some reason. "Right now, you... just need to get adjusted to being here. You can go if you want."
It's not really an order but it's not also not so he slowly leaves the room. He still doesn't fully understand what he's supposed to do now.
Short of going to find Steve and just... let him tell him, because at least Steve seems to understand whatever this mission here is.
He's grateful he ended up with this handler. He's by far his best one. Even if he's also the most confusing one he's ever had. And if his handler doesn't change his mind, he won't have to get wiped again either. What that's supposed to mean if he malfunctions again or for future emissions, he doesn't know but then there's the part where he said he's not planning to be his handler anymore.
But if he doesn't have one anymore, that means – What does that even mean? Maybe Steve would know that too. He's not fully sure that could be true still, but...
He's just grateful he doesn't have to go back to HYDRA, even if nothing else about this place makes any sense.
Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^
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