Author's Note: Thank you, guest reviewer kyle, for your climate change denying, homophobic rant, which has almost nothing to do with this story. I hope you find the education and help that you need to face your fears and become a happier person. Also, this is not the correct forum to complain about 23 year old video game company mergers; try reddit. The current batch of reviews will be left in place to show their craziness but any further reviews not chiefly about the story or fandom will be deleted, right after I laugh at them.
To the wonderful readers who have only ever shown enthusiasm or constructive criticism for the story, thank you. I hope that my escape from reality helps and/or entertains you as well. As a last note, happy Pride month and keep Portland weird!
Chapter 8: Grima and Godiva
Very, very awkwardly I approached Theodred where he nursed a cup by the fireplace. "Erm, morning," I greeted him lamely.
A glance over and he nodded in acknowledgement. "Good morning, Cass," he returned.
Better get this over with, I told myself and took a deep breath in preparation. "I meant no disrespect to you when I threatened you the other night. It isn't personal," I told him quietly, looking more at his ear than his face just to get through my embarrassment.
"Yes, I understand you threatened to deprive poor Stithulf of his head the same night," Theodred said with a hint of a smirk.
If he expected embarrassment, too bad. "Both of you are marrying my sisters. Andy and Mackey raised me, and I helped raise Dezzie. They're everything to me and I worry about them all the time," I explained, my mood dipping with mental images of sleeping bags and empty cupboards.
"If it helps, she threatened to put my testicles back up my body when Mackey and I got engaged," Matt said, raising his cup in solidarity with the prince.
It had involved a lot more swear words than I used on the Rohirrim and even a technical description of how I was going to do it. One of my more impressive speeches in my opinion, never to be repeated.
"I see that I was let off easily," Theodred mused, eyebrows high up his forehead.
Modestly I bobbed my head from side to side.
"Then it shall stay between us three, unless need be otherwise," Theodred said with a little smile. Looking the foot down at me he added, "I have never been in doubt that your main intention was to care for your family and intimidation is your way of doing so. It is unneeded here."
Also it wasn't working, probably because I'm short and a woman. There went the main tool in my toolbox to head off threats to the family. Hopefully he was right in it being unnecessary.
In the days we spent at Edoras, we were treated with a respect that bordered on deference. A maid even called me "my lady" when I asked for a place to wash my hands before breakfast one day, and I was too surprised to react that time.
The next time I told the teenager who poured the water for me, "Please don't call me that. Please tell everyone that if you need to use a title, to call me Miss Cass. I'm not royalty or anything."
She glanced up at me, then swiftly back down at her pouring.
"That's enough, thanks," I mumbled awkwardly.
"Now that your sister is engaged to the young Lord, you are royalty," the maid told me with understated confidence. "Is there anything else I can do for you, Miss Cass?" She handed me a small towel.
"No, thanks- sorry, what was your name?" Good lord, I felt rude for not asking before now.
"Rohesia, Miss," she replied and curtseyed.
Suddenly everything clicked, and I automatically belted out, "Thank you Rohesia, that's all."
Once she slipped from the room, I had to sit down. Hard.
It could have only been a few minutes but it felt like hours of struggling to process before the door opened again. "Hey, you okay?" Dezzie asked.
"Yeah," I answered, letting out a big sigh, "What's up?"
"Dinner's being put out, we're waiting for you," Dezzie answered.
"Right, I'll be out in a minute." I waited until she closed the door to look up at the thatch and shake my head at the insanity. Immediately afterward I left, stomach reminding me fiercely that I had spent the afternoon practicing swordplay with some boys out in the courtyard. They'd beaten the tar out of me at some points and I was feeling it.
In the hall I smiled sheepishly at Matt, the first to notice me. "Sorry, just- dude, the craziest thing just happened," I said in a rush, only to notice that there was a bigger crowd than usual. A few people I recognized as local nobility and suddenly I felt very underdressed.
"You didn't get the memo about the party?" Matt teased, himself in a very nice red tunic lightly embroidered with celtic knots.
At least I remembered to change clothes after getting knocked on my ass. "They didn't have anything near my size to alter and no time to make something from scratch," I said, shrugging it off. It would've been frankly unethical to make the seamstress try, especially without a sewing machine.
He got summoned over to his fiance and I watched the twins for the moment, glowing with their chosen partners at their sides. It wasn't anything like I had envisioned but at least they were happy.
On that note, Stithulf and Dezzie looked rather awkward standing at the far end of the hall. It must have been like being invited to the White House or Buckingham Palace to Stithulf, I supposed. More out of pity than anything, I joined them. "'Sup?" I asked my sister, tilting my chin up in greeting to her fiance.
"Not bad. Just wondering why the party," Dezzie answered, eyes scanning the crowd behind miraculously intact glasses. She picked at her tunic awkwardly, in the same clothing quandary as me- no one here was near enough in size to lend anything, so she wore her best travel clothes. Among women in fancy fur trimmed dresses and wonderful embroidery, she clearly felt as out of place as Stithulf did.
"My bet is that they're announcing Andy's engagement to the court. And of course they already know because news travels fast in small places, but they're expected to act shocked and happy anyways so to keep the king happy, they will," I predicted.
For a moment Dezzie processed, then shrugged. "I guess," she mumbled. Seeing her scuff the toe of her boot against the flagstone, staring moodily down at it, I was reminded of high school.
Stithulf bit his lip as he looked down at her, worry evident.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked, trying to be gentle.
Somewhere in the background Aaron shrieked delightedly.
There was a long pause where Dezzie thought about her words "I'm being ignored all over again," she eventually said, "It's really cool that Andy's marrying a prince, and it's important, but… Why do I always get put to the side?" She sniffled and wiped under her glasses.
"Middle child syndrome?" I offered helplessly. Attention had always gone to Cressie because she was the oldest, the twins for being twins, or Liam for being the only boy; nothing left for the rest of us. It seemed no different here.
Seeing how that didn't help, I added, "It's kind of like how nobody remembers the Empress of Ireland sinking because World War I was happening at the same time. Only, this is a happy occasion instead of mass death."
Dezzie only squinted at me, wondering what the hell I was talking about. At least it distracted her from her own unhappy thoughts while I babbled on for several minutes.
Movement near my side drew my attention and I saw the king's councillor in his black furs heading our way. His face was whiter than mine had been as a teenager in Seattle, somehow made even paler by his choice in clothing. His dark eyes had an intelligence that reminded me of crows: shrewd and a bit malicious. "Are you enjoying the festivities so far, ladies?" he asked in a gentle hissing sort of voice.
"I just got here, but so far it's lovely. Did you help arrange it?" I asked perkily, stepping slightly between him and Dezzie.
"While Theoden King was busy tending to his kingdom, I did, yes," Grima replied, taken aback as his eyes darted from me to my sister and back. Clearly he hadn't missed my blocking him from her. At least he was too polite to say anything as I engaged him in asinine chatter.
With the hand that had been kept at my side, I waved for Dezzie to get out of there.
Quickly she found a reason that she and Stithulf just had to speak to Grandpa, and hurried over to where he smoked his pipe quietly.
"Why the mistrust? Have I offended you?" Grima asked pointedly.
I smiled, a bit nastily. Seeing how he visually stalked Eowyn (who was only a teenager) whenever he could… "You remind my sisters and I quite a bit of someone who made us very uncomfortable. It isn't personal," I assured him.
Yeah, he reminded us of Lord Voldemort. And that made us all very uncomfortable when we all got together to chat the other day.
Grima blinked slowly as he tried to find a response.
"Although just saying, Eowyn seems a bit young and not interested in you that way. Try finding a lady who's into you and you'll be much happier for it," I told him in a rare piece of honest advice. With a quick nod of acknowledgement, I slipped away through the crowds.
People were chatted with, wine drank, and right as I wondered if we were having a liquid dinner, a spit roasted pig was set on the high table where the royal family was assembled. Pride filled me to see the twins up there in glorious regalia. Right where they belonged.
A bell rang and amidst the shuffle toward the tables, I hurried to the far end. All the better to see everyone when the announcement came.
"I understand that everyone must be hungry by now, yet I have a few words before we can all tuck in," King Theoden said in a carrying voice, smile pleased as he surveyed his hall and guests.
The young couple across from me exchanged knowing looks.
"Undoubtedly there have been rumors and I am delighted to confirm that my son, Prince Theodred, has finally chosen a bride," King Theoden announced, gesturing to the young couple beside him.
Awkwardly Andy waved.
I couldn't hold in a snort of laughter, although I did manage to quiet it.
"This is Andromeda van der Zee of America, a land far beyond Harad. She is eager to learn the customs and language of the Rohirrim and I hope that you all will welcome her warmly." There was a beady look of warning in King Theoden's eye as he looked at a few people in particular, all near the front of the hall.
There was no reply, not that any was expected.
"The wedding will be held in the spring, when Andromeda will return from assisting her family to set up house. This is a joyous time for us all, that the Prince may yet have an heir of his own ere long!"
That more than anything looked to alarm Andy. In our own world she would be called a high risk case, since she was thirty, but here there wasn't even an obstetrician to call her high risk.
Even as King Theoden said, "May your union be swift and blessed," my eyes wandered to where Anahera sat between Stevie and Cressie. Was it me, or was her rounded belly getting bigger by the day? How long until she popped, again?
Worry muddled my mind as I lifted my cup absently with everyone else for a toast.
"Are you alright?" the man across from me asked politely. Just like seemingly everybody else here he was a blonde- this time dishwater instead of the royals' golden- and blue eyed, but I recognized the hook of his nose; he was the bookkeeper here. Of what few books there were here, anyways.
"Yeah, just thinking. Do a lot of women here die in childbirth?" I asked, trying not to cringe at the mere idea.
A shadow of sadness passed over his young wife's face but she stayed silent.
"Not so many as in the countryside, but it does happen sometimes," the bookkeeper answered regretfully, "It is why Prince Theodred has no siblings; the Lady Elfsheen passed away during his birth and King Theoden never remarried."
Right. That was far from reassuring.
"Was her name really Elfsheen?" I just had to ask, partially to distract myself from my worries.
For a little while the bookkeeper and his wife told me about major events in Rohan, at least within their lifetimes. There was a pretty bad flu when the wife was a child, a drought a few years ago that led to hunger, the national pride in how capable and handsome the princes and princess had grown up to. (It was apparently common to call Eomer and Eowyn the prince and princess, since they were raised by the king after their own parents died.)
Apparently there's a lot of death around here, I mused as I listened to the details of Lord Eomund's tragic ride to his end. Childbirth, orcs, illness, the occasional famine. Typical medieval problems.
I very, very much missed vaccines and supermarkets. That being said, the roasted pig and sides were excellent and I tucked in happily. Nothing like talking about famine to make a person hungry.
"Where is your husband? Or is he one of the men sitting away from us?" asked the bookkeeper expectantly, peering around.
For some reason these people always took me aback. "Huh? Husband?" I asked dumbly.
It was the bookkeeper's and his wife's turn to look surprised. "Well, yes," the bookkeeper stammered.
His wife had a sudden look of compassion, though. "Did he pass on your way here?" she asked sympathetically.
Note to self: it's apparently also common to die during travel. "Uh, no, I've actually never been married," I explained awkwardly and barely remembered to not play with my hair, since my hands were covered in cooking grease.
"Really? Do your people marry when older, or did you simply choose not to?" The wife was starting to come out of her shell now, eyes bright as she looked at me between bites.
"Both," I answered on a chuckle, "Back in America, most people get married the first time at about 30 for men, 28 for women, but I also just never found the time to find anybody to get married to. I was always busy looking after my younger siblings or off to war." I didn't regret it all, but looking at a woman years younger than me and watching her pity me, I wondered briefly how differently things could have turned out.
"How old were you two when you got married?" I asked, blatantly nosy.
"I was twenty and Godiva was nineteen. That was a good five years and two children ago." The bookkeeper looked fondly at his wife.
"If you do not mind, what is your age?" Godiva questioned brightly, "I would guess 23 or 24?"
How flattering. "A bit off, just turned 26." Another bite of wonderful pork, and, "I've never tasted anything this good in all of those years." I bet Anahera would have a few suggestions but I was too happy to finally eat fresh pork again to bother with criticism.
We turned to safer topics then, and the rest of the feast passed in a haze of pleasant, slightly drunken conversation. Everyone that I saw got out on their own feet, perhaps with a few stumbles, and I was out like a candle the moment I rolled onto my mattress.
All too soon, it was time to leave Edoras and all the nice people we met there. Plus Grima, who Godiva had a few things to say about. Bless her.
King Theoden stacked us up with all provisions possible and even sent a small company to escort us to the Fords of Isen. "Best to keep Rohan's next queen safe," he declared quietly to Andy.
She looked a bit overwhelmed, but I was eavesdropping so I couldn't exactly butt in. Instead I dealt with Damascus's saddle for the first time in a few days, occasionally sticking my tongue out at a piece that wouldn't cooperate.
Royal duties kept Theodred in Edoras, but at least Stithulf was allowed to accompany his fiance to the border. Dezzie had always been a PDA person so watching her be refused in front of company felt like payback for all those times, way back when. Of course she eventually got her kisses and whatnot but watching her pout until there was privacy, was horribly satisfying.
Yes, I am a bitter wreck of a human being.
So is Cressie, who hadn't seemed to know what to do the whole time we were in Edoras. She had offered to help clean or in the kitchen but was refused with some offense, and herself was offended by that. Always arguing about how Rohan's culture was wrong for various reasons, everyone was frankly glad to see her go.
Although I knew the kitchen maids were sad to see Rosie go- the girl was such a darling, everyone loved her, even if she did spend the entire time almost literally tied to her mother's apron strings. Plus Rosie had been happy to be sneaked little pieces of dried fruit and other sweet things from the kitchen. At the moment she was happily distracted since for the first time, she was allowed to sit in front of Mackey on her horse.
Before we left I made sure to say goodbye to young Rohesia, who was frankly confused about why someone with rank would bother about her. She did say goodbye between changing linens however.
Godiva told me that when I return to Edoras next year, I absolutely had to come to her home and meet her children, and we could talk woman to woman over some home brew. Which of course I agreed to. Who can say no to an opportunity like that in a world seemingly dominated by men?
The last to get in place was actually Madhav, who had been talking to one of the guards at the doors of the great hall. A few times I had seen him in close conversation with that young man in particular and I hoped that he had finally found a friend in Middle Earth.
The horses began trotting, the wheels got rolling, and we were off again. The wind in my hair, the golden grass of the open fields, it was all welcome. Yes, there was an appearance to put on in front of the guardsmen, but not for an entire damn town. Or country.
Before I forgot (again), I just had to pull up beside the carriage where Nan knitted. "I had the strangest encounter while we were in Edoras," I told her airily.
She made a noise of interest and looked up from her work. Yes, even with cataracts and a bit yellow and cloudy, those were the same green eyes.
"How long did you spend as a maid there? You couldn't have been more than fourteen when I met you a few days ago." I grinned over at her, so proud that I figured it out.
She winked at me, still crocheting by feel. "I had only started a few months before the prince got engaged, after my father died of illness. I suppose now that it might have been tuberculosis. After his passing we needed the money, and had a good name in town, so I began working in the hall of the kings."
Suddenly, I remembered all the books I had read about time travel. "So that means it'll be a few years before you get attacked by monsters and end up in France," I said in a low voice.
"Yes, my desperate plea was a few years after the prince's wedding, I believe," Nan acknowledged.
Alright, so we have some time before things get bad. That, I could work with.
There was so much I wanted to ask about what Nan remembered; about the future. But as the saying goes, it's a terrible thing to know the future. And that way I could hopefully prevent the grandfather paradox, since apparently the message that time travel is ridiculous and impossible no longer applies to us.
It's a damn doozy to know we're from the far future instead of a different planet. Despite that in many ways we do come from a different world than the locals.
It felt that way when I didn't speak the native language or understand the jokes being told. The strangeness still lingered in my mind when I woke up every morning on the ground expecting to see my team, only to hear Aaron screech happily or Gran mothering everyone. Even the flat golden landscape was odd after spending so much of my life in desert mountains or temperate cities.
We passed through several villages that back home would barely be hamlets, a few houses and outbuildings surrounded by farmland and horses. In every one we were greeted with more friendliness than I ever would have thought, offered everywhere to feed us or give us a place to rest our heads at night. Perhaps it had more to do with our honor guard than anything, but I was touched either way.
All too soon we reached the Fords of Isen and the Rohirrim had to return home, even Stithulf. A scout returned with news that the ruined road to Tharbad was clear of orcs or Wild Men (whatever that meant) and goodbyes were said with astounding tenderness.
Needless to say, everyone pointedly didn't look at where Dezzie and Stithulf disappeared behind a wagon. It took ten minutes for them to emerge, Stithulf flushing the whole way to his scalp and brushing his tunic back into place, and have a public-appropriate goodbye.
When we crossed the shallow water, we were alone again.
The entire sojourn in Rohan felt like a fantastical dream had after too many days on the road.