Does He Love You?

by Starry0.o

Has Karin told him her secret? "So, Sasuke-kun? If I stay, will you still leave her once he comes?"

07/16/21: This remains my favorite story that I've written on here, despite it being not widely—reviewed or read. I've not written anything in forever, nor read anything in a while. I recently came back to this story and realized it had tons of grammar issues, which I decided to go through and fix. I added a few scenes as well. I hope anyone who reads this freshly goes in remembering that I wrote this LONG before sasusaku was known endgame! So don't bash me for it :D And hopefully, you enjoy this little fic I wrote when I was young!

And, of course, I would LOVE to receive some reviews on people's thoughts on this story!

I even appreciate the negative ones :p

Thanks so much for reading!

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All rights to the artists of this song Rilo Kiley— Does He Love You? and of course Kishimoto for Naruto.
Take a listen before/while you read…it's a beautiful song.
Enjoy

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Does He Love You?

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and she loves you,
yeah, she loves you,
and the two of you will soon become three…

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x

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and she loves you,
even though you used to say
you were flawed if you weren't free…

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x

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6

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SIX.

SEIS.

SIX.

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"Sakura, stop!" She doesn't. But she slows, if only for the irony. "Please, I—"

"I shouldn't have come back here at all," she admits, looking over her shoulder. "But here I am. And this time, you will watch my back, Sasuke-kun."

Green steel bores straight into the saddest red she's ever seen him wear.

This night isn't as warm as when their positions were switched. Long before bridges were built, and burned, and built, and burned, over and over—she remembers a warm breeze and pink petals. She remembers her heart shattering to the scent of spring. But tonight, the dark is nipping, and the branches lay bare. Tonight, her heart ices over to the crack of dead leaves beneath their feet.

Sakura realizes she will never miss the cold of the winter season again.

The wheels in his eyes spin with intent. "I could make you stay."

She doesn't think he will, but still looks away when he steps closer.

She gazes up the path before her. It's only a few hours to Suna. She won't head for the closest bar when she gets there, either. She has a plan. She'll apply for her job in the hospital again, for permanent residency this time. Pull her life back together. Move on.

Maybe even date...one day. Maybe.

Whatever she has to do, she plans on doing it. Sakura will not become her mentor.

She'll get away from him, from her, from their family.

It hurt to think about. It hurt even when she drowned herself—sometimes even more when she did.

What was the point of drowning if it never took away the pain?

"I…need you. And I'm sorry that I called you a liar. Sakura, I'm sorry for everything. I… I lov—" Sasuke stumbles on his words.

"Don't," she says in the quick silence.

Sakura doesn't want to hear what's coming next. It didn't matter back when they were her words, and it's too late for him to use them against her now.

They won't change anything. They can't change that everything about him hurts her. They don't change that she loveloveloves him so fucking much, or the fact that none of it mattersanymore.

She only ever wanted him to be happy. He had a wish when they were twelve. Ten years later, she still remembers that wish, because she remembers everything about him.

He wanted to restore his clan. And now he is.

And she made sure his child will be strong and healthy because he asked—only because he asked. But he cannot ask any more of her, she thinks. Her love has limits. A heart can only take so much.

"Let's not forget ourselves, Sasuke-kun."

They don't know who might be listening. He can't afford to be seen, or to say what's on the tip of his tongue. It's too late for that, and he was already caught once.

He stays silent. She smiles bitterly.

"Attachment is weakness, you told me. Bonds only bring pain. You were right."

"Stay," he pleads; and to anyone but Sakura, it may have sounded like a command.

Sakura closes her eyes with a sigh. How badly she's wanted to hear that word for so long.

"For what?" She means to yell, but it only sounds tired. "Even if I stay, it couldn't be with you."

It's quiet for long enough that Sakura thinks he won't answer. Without looking at him, she moves to leave.

"If I could change things!" he spurts quickly, and Sakura stills. "If… If I could go back, I would."

"But you can't. And even if you could go back… To when?"

"…"

She feels the slow drip of hysteria starting. "To when would you go back, Sasuke-kun?" She turns to face him again, but his eyes give nothing away.

Has Karin told him her secret?

"To last year?" she asks. His face remains neutral. "To the war?" she presses. Something passes across his face and her stomach drops. Does he know? Her voice is barely above a whisper—"Or maybe you'd go back to when we were fifteen and—"

"Sakura," Sasuke interrupts, frowning. "I…didn't mean it that way."

He knows. A wave of nausea hits her and she laughs, though nothing is funny.

"Even you can't change everything!" she shouts. Now that it's out, she feels like she can't stop the words from coming. "So, Sasuke-kun? If I stay, will you still leave her once he comes?" Her words are quick and hopeful, but mocking. "Will you do that to your clan—for me? Leave them both? Will you?"

He doesn't say anything. Of course, he has no answer when she needs one the most.

She gives a small laugh again; he had offered what she just asked before he knew!

His eyes move from her face to the ground.

God is an evil, unfair man, Sakura thinks.

She knew Karin would tell if only to ensure Sasuke wouldn't leave. But isn't that the very reason she told Karin in the first place? So the woman would tell Sasuke, so he wouldn't ever make the mistake of choosing Sakura?

Hadn't she planned for this?

So why does it feel like she can't breathe?

Her misplaced laughter is very soon going to turn into crying, and that isn't something she wants to show this man, anymore.

"I am flawed if I'm not free, right?" A bitter chuckle is rising in her throat. "You said that too…remember?"

"…Aa, but—"

"Well, I want to be free. And you know what? You deserve to be free of me, too. You deserve to be happy."

They're looking at each other, and for the first time in her life, she can read everything in his eyes. They're spinning, but she knows he won't do it now.

She stares at him, staring at her, for what feels like hours.

"You'll be a wonderful father, Sasuke-kun," she finally whispers. She forces her mouth shut on the ramblings of broken hopes and useless promises that want to fly out.

Sakura holds Sasuke's gaze a second longer before turning away and taking a step toward Suna. She feels the air shift behind her and knows it's now or never. She uses the same flash-step he once used on her, on this very road.

One second Sasuke is reaching out to take hold of her arm and make her stay, regardless of what's wrong and right or his clan or his selfishness.

The next he's grasping at empty air.

He spins, ready for her.

She doesn't use it to jump behind him, though. She uses it to jump away. Her chakra picks up far to the northwest.

Sasuke calls for her before the thought to do so even processes. Startled birds ascend from trees in answer, and he listens to her unforgiving footfalls grow further away.

He curses. He wants to follow… But he can't. She must know he can't, dammit! Why must she make him choose? She knows he would choose her if she stayed—she knows—fuck!—she knows if she stayed, he would find a way to make this work.

Sasuke stands for a very long time in the same spot, convincing his feet to take him back home. He tries to quiet the screaming in his conscience to follow her. He tries to tell himself this is the right choice.

Sakura has always been the most intelligent, he thinks, and if she says this is right, then this is right. This is right. This is right.

Just like a mantra. This is fucking right, okay? She's right about leaving. She's right. She's always been right.

She's always been right here,and now she's gone, you fucking idiot. Go fucking get her—

He blasts the blasted bench beside him with Chidori. It's the same damn bench he once left her on. Fitting, he thinks, though he knows he'll regret destroying it in the morning.

He reminds himself that his clan must be restored. He has a pregnant fiancée at home, for God's sake. He tells himself love is for the foolish and love was never his to hold, anyway. Love is only in happily ever after's, and people cloaked in sin like him don't get to have those kinds of endings.

Sasuke tells himself that he cursed Sakura enough and she deserves to go be happy somewhere far away from him. Just like she wants to do.

That it's his fault, probably, for everything in the first place. God's way of punishing her for falling in love with someone as cursed as he. The angel losing her wings for falling in love with a demon, as they say.

He tells himself all this, but he doesn't move, because he isn't sure which way his feet would take him if he did. Back to the compound?

Towards Suna?

He's lost many loved ones in his lifetime. By now, he should be used to this. But his eyes find a dead cherry blossom tree hugging the path in the direction she ran, and Sasuke cries for the first time in many years.

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Far into the forest, the branches before her are obscured by tears.

It hurts… But she will never go back.

Sasuke deserves this, after everything. The Uchiha clan deserves this. Not more shame. He deserves a family, and Itachi doesn't deserve to grow up in disgrace in Suna, away from his mother and away from the town the Uchiha belong in and built.

As much as she wants him to be with her, she won't break his family up. Not when he's gone so long without one.

Her name echoes off the trees and haunts the wind at her back. She prays that one day, she really will be free. His voice tugs at her very soul, at a place ingrained so deep within she's afraid she won't ever be able to dig it out, but Sakura doesn't slow down, and she never looks back.

Anything is better than what she would endure in Konoha.

If he loves her enough, he will follow her, she tells herself. If he loves her enough, it wouldn't matter what she can't give him.

But she won't blame him if he never comes. If he loves his clan enough, she knows he never will.

What life must Sasuke be on now?

She has to stop on the branch as a sob overtakes her. She pulls the rubberband on her wrist as far as it will stretch, and though it slaps hard against her skin, she barely registers it.

She wonders, hot tears spilling across her cheeks: Would her severed bond be considered enough to warrant the death of one?

Or maybe this is the death of two lives for Sasuke.

After all, he's getting married next week.

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x

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1

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ONE.

UNO.

UN.

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Naruto is too busy being Hokage to ever hang out, Tsunade is too busy being drunk to ever train, and Kakashi is too busy being Naruto's personal advisor to ever give her advice. Sai's around, but so caught up in the reorganization of Root that she rarely sees him for reasons other than business.

This all leaves her alone. Often.

She throws herself into work at the hospital, but even that's slowed dramatically since the end of the war and the alliance agreements.

Peace is peaceful… And boring.

A year of monotonous life goes by.

Occasionally, Ino drags her out when she's not on scouting missions, which is rarely. Sakura hates that, too, because going out means probably running into him.

And seeing him means watching him around other women. And this isn't the Sasuke set on revenge anymore. That Sasuke died when Naruto dragged him back to the village.

Sometimes, Sakura ponders the many lives of Sasuke that have been murdered, like those of a cat. She suspects his first life was slaughtered with the rest of his clan. The second life died a sweet death when he joined Team 7, and that Sasuke was killed by the curse mark. Sometimes, she realizes she still spends too much free time thinking of Sasuke…

Sakura snaps the rubberband on her wrist. Tsunade told her the trick was useful in getting rid of bad habits. Tsunade also told her she used it to stop drinking, which probably should've told Sakura about how useful it was.

The Sasuke they got back after the war is a full-bodied, hot-blooded, beautiful man.

This life of Sasuke's has needs and wants, and his pick of nearly any woman in the village. Konoha is, at heart, a small town, and rumors abound about the last Uchiha. They say he's picked through quite a few women already. That he beds someone new nightly. That he's rough and rarely accepts someone twice. That he's into rope.

Sakura isn't sure if she believes the rumors. Sasuke never acted the type to sleep around. But in all honesty, she doesn't really know the man who is still technically her teammate anymore. She has no clue how similar the boy she knew is to the man she doesn't.

All she knows for certain is that he's always around the bars whenever she happens to go, which rubs her the wrong way.

Sakura doesn't like to think that those places are where Sasuke spends most of his nights.

Despite herself, when she starts to suspect that he does spend the majority of his off-time holed up in the darker part of Konoha, she begins walking the short distance from her apartment to the place she knows is his favorite bar more frequently.

She still loves him, after all. She only wants to check on him. That's all, really.

More often than not, he's there. He's always surrounded by women; she's always jealous.

Usually, it goes like this:

She knows if he's there or not the second she walks in. He sits at the same table, back in the corner. And if he's there, rest assured, there are a few women taking their shot at him. Many of them are women that Sakura knows, though the one who irks her most is Karin.

Sometimes, he comes with Suigetsu, or Juugo, or even Shikamaru.

Sometimes, he even brings a woman, though most of the women who accompany him there are those who just finished a mission with him.

Sakura tries not to think about why she knows every mission he goes on or how she knows every person assigned to his team. It's easily chalked up to Naruto assigning all missions and teams, and her being Naruto's best friend. Of course, Naruto will tell her when Sasuke's leaving the village, and with whom.

That is a normal thing for a teammate to do. That's all. Really.

Half of the time, Naruto tells her without her prompting at all, so it's not even her asking...you know?

Sakura sighs internally and snaps the rubberband again.

But mostly, he comes to the bar by himself.

Sasuke always notices when she walks in; she can feel his eyes on her from across the room. Although he's a ninja and probably notices everyone who walks in, she reminds herself.

He tips his head, and she waves back because, after all, they are both still technically part of Team 7. They both technically saved the world, though she only really saved him and Naruto. That's as far as welcoming interactions between the two of them go.

So Sakura sits at the bar, alone, and orders a drink.

Or two. Or eight, who's really counting anyway?

The longer the night drags on, however, and the more drinks sent to his table, the more often she feels his stare. That's what keeps her coming back night after night, she presumes. Far away or minuscule it may be, Sasuke's attention is addictive.

It took her a few weeks to convince herself of this, but it's true. He stares. He does! And it's not just her imagination either.

Even so, on the walk from her apartment to downtown, Sakura feels disgusted with herself sometimes. What does she keep going back for? The thought is never enough to make her turn around.

She starts suspecting Sasuke's waiting for her to approach him sometime during the second month of this routine. Of course, she won't. Sakura will wait, and wait, and waitwatiwaitwait, and if he never comes to her, then she'll have lost nothing. It will be just like it always has been.

If she were to approach him and be rejected like all the times before, however... Well, she'd rather not go through that again.

Sasuke knows how she feels, after all. She's only confessed fifty times.

After continuously checking on him and waiting, one night, she realizes she herself has become a regular. It unsettles her.

Members of the Konoha 11 give her a look before joining.

Men approach her with the joke, "Can I buy you a drink, Tsunade-sama?" and she downs the truth in the comparison with the liquor offered.

When Tsunade herself ventures out of her house and ends up on the barstool next to her student, Sakura gets lectures on the former Hokage's disapproval of it all. All the while the older woman is ordering drinks for both of them.

"Tch, this better be the last time I see you in here," Tsunade always says at the night's end.

It never is.

Even after watching Sasuke sit with and talk to different women, while never once approaching her, Sakura finds she can never bring herself to entertain anyone there. It doesn't matter how drunk she is. Even when he sits back there and lets Karin fawn all over him, even as she watches them leave together, the redhead's arm wrapped around Sasuke's waist. Even then, she toasts away the little piece of heart he takes with him each time and leaves alone.

Revenge never was her thing, anyway.

But four months into this little game of theirs, he finally cracks.

Kiba's been next to her all evening, and Sakura decides she rather enjoys his company. It's like she has Naruto again. Not the Naruto who's always busy and somber since the war, but the old Naruto.

Plus, Kiba looks at her in a way that makes her feel pretty and wanted, and she's wanted to feel pretty and wanted for so long.

His hand flies to her hip when she trips getting off the stool.

"You should go home, Sakura."

"Okay, father." She rolls her eyes, and he laughs, and she thinks he's beautiful in that moment. She wants to be that happy.

She smiles back at him.

"I'm not scolding you, even though you are acting like a kid," he teases. He hesitates on his next words, his hand still on her waist. "Want me to walk you home?"

It isn't the first time one of her childhood friends asked if she wanted an escort, but it's the first time she gets the feeling there's more to the offer than just a walk.

Strangers and acquaintances asked her on dates, yes—but between her closest group, there always seemed to be an unspoken rule that Sakura was off-limits. An unspoken rule that, up until now, only Lee blatantly ignored.

"Depends on if you'll behave yourself or not!" She pokes a finger into his chest playfully.

He releases her hip and grabs her finger faster than her inebriated mind can follow. "Well, that depends on if you want me to behave or not." The light note in his voice drops to something that hints at familiar darkness. Sakura rather likes it.

Her smile widens. "I think—"

"Kiba, don't."

And just like that, she doesn't really find Kiba's voice all that alluring anymore. Just like that.

"What?" Kiba's looking over her shoulder.

Sakura figures she's probably dreaming and will wake up soon. She hears a scoff, and a large hand removes her own from the man's before her.

"I'll take her home," the actual familiar dark, much more dangerous, voice says.

"It's not your decision to make, Sasuke," Kiba retorts. "And I don't think you're in any state to take anyone home."

He's in front of her in an instant, the Uchiha fan staring back at her like a taunt. She feels his Sharingan flare up by chakra alone; all the shinobi in the bar are immediately alerted into defensive states, even the ones who hadn't noticed the incident yet. Kiba takes a few steps back with his hands out before him.

"Chill out, dude, don't get your chakra all riled up…" Sasuke flares it again, annoyed. Kiba rolls his eyes but keeps his hands up. "Look, I'm not trying to fight. I only meant that she should decide if she wants you to take her, not you."

Sakura's seen enough. She doesn't like seeing Sasuke like this, and she doesn't think his anger towards Kiba is justified. She touches his back gently with green fingertips to relax him.

"That's enough, Sasuke-kun. It's okay."

His chakra recoils immediately. A collective sigh passes through the bar, and Kiba drops his hands, visibly relieved. Sasuke turns to her, eyes still red. Dangerous. Beautiful.

Kiba watches from behind Sasuke, shaking his head. "So… You're gonna go with him then, I guess?"

She looks from defeated brown to expectant red and resolves that, as much as she wants to show Sasuke he doesn't control her so easily…she can't find it in her to do so.

"I'm sorry, Kiba," she offers. "But—"

"Let's go," says Sasuke, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the exit.

"Seeya, Sakura." Kiba gives her a knowing look. A defeated look.

Sakura nods at him, and Sasuke shoots him a glare. His grip tightens as they near the door, and Sakura frowns. She looks around the bar; all the eyes that were on them move away as if caught. Her cheeks redden.

"Sasuke-kun," she whispers. "Stop pulling me like a child."

He slams through the door of the bar before turning and smashing his lips onto hers, pushing her against the brick of the building. His hands grip her hips so hard she cries out in pain, and pleasure, and she has no idea what's going on because she thinks Sasuke—her Sasuke-kun—the boy she's loved her whole life and ignored her for all 19 years of it—is kissing her.

Her hands are in his hair before she overthinks and ruins the moment, pulling him towards her like he might realize what he's doing and leave.

When he shifts away, she tries desperately to bring him back.

Sasuke chuckles darkly. The masochist inside of her realizes she likes it much more than she liked the light, happy Kiba laugh.

"You don't go home with anyone but me."

Sakura nods without listening, trying to tug him down to her lips again. He resists, insistent. His eyes are spinning into hers while she's still processing whether this is real life or not.

...Is he trying to put her under a jutsu?

"Say it," he orders.

Her mind is suddenly hazy. "Say what?"

"Tell me you'll only go home with me," he growls, lips inches from hers.

She blinks, dispelling the inky world he forced them into. Her grip loosens. He did try to put her under a jutsu...

"I will, if you tell me the same." She means it. Hell, she knows he's already the only one she'll ever be able to go home with.

She doesn't have to tell him that, though.

He backs away, looking at her with a cryptic look.

Sakura already knew he wouldn't promise her anything. She just really, really wishes he would.

She takes a step towards him unconsciously, wanting his touch back. Wanting to make sure it's real, that it happened. That he came to her this time and not the other way around. She reaches for him completely hopeless, itching to feel his warmth beneath her fingers.

Sasuke's strange look blooms into a smirk like he's solved a puzzle.

"Should I? But you're already mine, Sakura."

He closes the space between them as a confirmation, because he, too, waited for her to come to him far too long. He's watched her entertain men that weren't him far too many times. He imagined pink hair more times than he can count when a woman lay in his bed, and let her name slip more times than he could stop when Karin's hair really did look pink in the moonlight.

Why? He doesn't know. It's not like he loves her.

But he's waited, and waited, and waited for her to come, and a man can only wait so long.

Sakura goes home with someone for the first time that night. Sasuke learns what it feels like to be truly loved again that night.

He wakes in the morning tangled in green bed sheets and a familiar bubbling fear within him. He looks down at a delicate arm laid across his lap in sleep, but his mind flashes to an arm laid lifeless on the floor, and bodies pooled in blood in the middle of a living room. Red stained white walls. Dark, too-quiet streets.

He remembers bloody fingers tapping his forehead, and a soft, "No matter what, I will always love you."

He remembers his brother disappearing before his eyes time after time, unable to keep him and unable to change anything.

Sasuke knows what love feels like—he knows all too well what love brings.

Fear turns quickly into decision.

This was probably a mistake, he thinks. Sakura loves him…really loves him. But love is bad. Love is loss. Love brings pain. Love isn't something he's ready for; isn't something he is worthy of.

The Uchiha doesn't look down at the woman beside him again as he does the seals to teleport back to his empty compound.

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x

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3

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THREE.

TRES.

TROIS.

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Sakura stares at the papers on her desk in disbelief.

She must have read through them twenty times, but she reaches slowly for the first page again. This just can't be right. But her name is there at the top—Sakura Haruno—and the right date of birth, age 21, same weight and blood type as her.

"It's better this way, anyway," Tsunade said when she dropped the report off. All Sakura could do was stare up at her, bewildered, and Tsunade felt like she needed to elaborate. "Fewer possibilities of getting hurt, in the long run... Fewer people you might have to lose, one day."

The former Hokage hadn't really meant it how it came out. She'd meant to say something more consoling. More motherly. She had planned a whole speech for an hour before walking over to Sakura's office, dammit...

But the woman smelled heavily of liquor and her student knew Tsunade always drank sake before delivering bad news. Still, Sakura screamed at her teacher to get the fuck out.

She's regretting it now that her mind is starting to process what it's reading and she is really, really, REALLY going to need someone—soon.

Sakura thinks of Sasuke and the tears that shock has been holding back start to press on the back of her eyes. Reality slams into her like a freight train.

She can't go to Sasuke. She has to get away from Sasuke now. She stands, trying to regulate her breath as it comes out in uneven gasps. Naruto. She needs Naruto, so she runs as fast as she can out of the hospital, ignoring the wide eyes of nurses and questioning the looks of civilians.

He cries with her when she tells him.

He holds her, he listens to her sobs, and he doesn't say a word. That's all she needs right now.

The Hokage stationed Choji outside to prevent anyone from coming in when Sakura ran into his office, tears in her eyes and pleading to speak with him alone.

Half an hour passes before she can bring herself to pull her head off his shoulder and wipe her eyes dry. His are crystal blue, sadness and sympathy shining clear. He is her best friend. They share each other's pain.

She's felt heartbreak before. Countless times, over many continuous years, for many different people and numerous deaths. But Sakura's never felt like this. Her heart feels decimated, like someone ripped it out and squeezed it until it burst.

She mourns a future that will never be hers.

She mourns what she must do.

Naruto's demeanor perks up. "How do you know, though? If you don't know for sure, then there might still be a chance!"

Naruto: Ever hopeful, even for the hopeless.

"Tsunade ran tests. It's certain."

He deflates a bit. "But even granny Tsunade is wrong sometimes."

"Shizune ran the same tests after," she chokes out, tears spilling over again. She cradles her head in her hands. "What did I do to deserve this, Naruto? Why me? Why?"

"You didn't do anything, Sakura. You're the best woman I know."

She's rocking and shaking and Naruto is frightened at the sight of his best friend so broken. He fought the most powerful ninja to ever exist, he brought Sasuke back, he saved the entire world; but he doesn't know how to help Sakura through this. He'll never forgive himself for it. He lays a hand on her back and lets her cry, not saying anything because he isn't sure what to say. He can stay by her side for as long as she needs, though.

"How do you think it happened?"

She hiccups, "Sasori… Madara… Maybe since forever. I don't know."

"But—"

Sakura looks up at him, silencing his words with dead eyes. "It doesn't matter how, just that it did… I have to get away. Send me to Suna. Please, Naruto. On an extended mission. Send me instead of Shizune to help with their hospital."

He wants to refuse. He doesn't want to send her away. He wants her to stay here with him and their friends and he wants to heal her.

"Sakura…"

She grabs his hand. "Please, Naruto, I need to get away. I'm better off leaving. If I stay here, I don't know how I'll handle it… I don't know what I'll do. Please…"

Naruto racks his brain for a good reason to say no. He needs to help her; she needs to stay here and let him.

"What about our hospital? You head it, we need you here…"

"Shizune can take care of it," she reasons.

"But what if I need to be healed? You're our top medic. You're the only medic I see…"

Sakura sighs, angrily letting go of his hand. "Naruto, Tsunade-sama can take care of you! Stop making excuses! I need this. You're being selfish. Think of me!"

Naruto doesn't think he's being selfish. He thinks her staying in Konoha with everyone is better for her! What doesn't she get? He wonders how to make his point without it sounding like he thinks she needs support. Sakura would take that as him saying she's weak, when really he's only trying to be here for her.

"But what about Sasuke? I thought you two were—" Sakura's breath catches on his words. He realizes too late why she wants to leave so badly as she backs away from him like an injured animal at their teammate's name. Naruto reaches out and grabs her elbow, face falling. "Sakura, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking before I said that." He pulls her back into a hug, "I didn't mean to bring him up. I'm really, really sorry."

Sakura is unnervingly still in his arms, her breathing erratic. "He doesn't want to be with me, anyway," she says, unsure if she's telling Naruto or telling herself. "It's better like this. He never wanted to be with me, remember? It all works out, Naruto, doesn't it? I have a reason to stay away from him now. He'll be happy. I'll be happy." She glances up at him, eyes wide and voice edging on panic. "I want to be happy. I'll be happy, right? Even like this, I can still be happy, Naruto. Right? I can be happy without him, can't I?"

"Yes, of course! Shh, it's okay… He's an idiot. You deserve more. He just doesn't know how to handle emotions," he explains, tightening his arms around her again. "He cares about you. This won't change anything. I know it. And I care about you, Sakura-chan. You have nothing to worry about. You will be happy. We can work through this here, together."

She uses her strength and is out of his hold and on her feet in an instant, tears back and hands clenched.

"This changes everything! I've loved him forever! I just want to make him happy, I wanted him to be happy with me, but now... Now, it's a good thing he never wanted to be with me, and it's a good thing that I'm leaving for Suna with or without your permission and getting out of his life!"

She's screaming, and Naruto hopes Choji isn't listening.

"I cry for him all the time, Naruto, but I stay, and I let him in. I've been waiting, hoping one day he'll realize I've been there since the beginning. That I've loved him through everything. I loved him at his darkest, and his brightest, and that I will continue to love him no matter what he does or who he becomes."

She's snapping that rubberband she always wears around her wrist incessantly, a habit that Naruto knows she picked up from Tsunade. One he never liked. He reaches out and clasps her wrist around the band, blocking her access to it.

Her voice quiets in defeat as she stares down at his grip. "But now, for what? I can't stay, and I can't let him in hoping that he'll choose me one day, because what if he really does? I won't make him choose between me and his dream. I'll choose now, while it's nothing. I'll choose even though he might never have even chosen me. I love him. His goals are my goals. But I need some time away. One day, his happiness will overshadow my broken heart, but that isn't now, and it isn't soon. So please, Naruto..."

Sakura looks back up at him, and Naruto can see a soul breaking through green windows. He just wants his friends to be happy, too. He doesn't think this is fair at all. Her wishes are his wishes, just like Sasuke's happiness is his happiness.

Naruto doesn't think his best friends deserve this at all.

"Please…"

And he knows he can't deny her request. He tugs on her wrist and brings her back into another hug.

"Yeah," he agrees, because he sees the logic and the pain in her words, even though he selfishly wants to keep her here. "Maybe you're better off leaving for a bit…"

.

x

.

2

.

TWO

DOS.

DEUX.

.

Tapping on her window wakes her up. Sasuke's crouched there, ANBU mask still on.

She hasn't seen him in three weeks. He turned 20 yesterday and wasn't home to celebrate. She ate a cupcake for him at work, though.

Sakura can't contain her smile when she throws her blankets off and rushes to the window to let him slide in. Her arms are around his neck and she's on her toes to kiss him before his chuckle reminds her he still hasn't taken his mask off. She blushes.

"Sorry," she concedes. "I just really missed you, Sasuke-kun. So much… Every day."

His body stiffens beneath her arms and she releases him. He turns his head away, looking down at her bed and pulling the mask off. His eyes are closed and his hand reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Sakura knows he doesn't like when she shows too much of her feelings like that.

Sometimes, she can't help it though. She loves him… What does he expect?

"Sorry," she offers again, though she only does so to appease him.

He's been gone a while and it's his belated birthday. She isn't really sorry at all. She meant it, she missed him too much.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke-kun," she whispers after a few seconds.

Sakura reaches out to him again, eager to right the wrong he thinks she committed. It's hard though, with Sasuke. She wants to kiss and make up, but that would probably only make him more uncomfortable.

Why did he come if he was going to act like this?

He takes hold of her hands right before they reach his face. Dark eyes look down at her, holding her palms still hovered over his cheeks. If Sakura didn't know any better, she'd think there was emotion shining through onyx. An emotion that looks a lot like fear. She does know better though, and Sasuke Uchiha has never been afraid of anything.

It must've been a hard mission, she thinks.

She smiles warmly at him. "I only want to heal you. Do your eyes hurt?"

Sasuke hesitates before placing her hands on his temple. "Yes."

His Sharingan flicks on before she even asks. Sometimes, he closes his eyes while she does this, because as her green chakra envelops his eyes and releases the tension built up within their pathways, it feels almost as good as sex.

But tonight, he watches her instead. Her eyes are closed in concentration, her lower lip pulled between her teeth. Her pink hair is mussed with sleep and she must've forgotten she only has on an oversized t-shirt because, normally, she's too self-conscious to allow him in without covering up first. He's seen her after spending an hour getting ready, but looking at her now, natural and bathed in darkness, he can't understand why she would ever need to spend so much time trying.

Sakura is beautiful.

He snaps his eyes shut with surprise at the thought.

He shouldn't have come here tonight, he figures. He told himself he wasn't going to until the very moment he saw the gates of home and thought of green sheets and pink hair. Sasuke knows he's getting too attached. Attachment is weakness, because bad things happen to people who love him, and worse things happen to people he's attached to, and Sakura doesn't deserve that, he thinks.

She's done the second after his thoughts finish. His eyes still bleed red when they open back up to bright green.

Her cheeks are pink and he knows she wants to say something.

"I didn't go out while you were gone," she tells him.

He can admit to himself those words make him feel something good inside.

And that scares him. "Oh?"

"I guess I've still only gone home with you…" She's shifting from foot to foot.

It's a nervous habit of hers he shouldn't know, but he does.

"...Aa."

"Sasuke-kun, I lov—"

He kisses her because he doesn't want to hear the words she's going to say. They scare him—she scares him. He kisses her and tells himself that's the only reason for doing so, but in all honesty, he doesn't have a reason. He kisses her because he's in her room at midnight, and they're all alone, and he wants to kiss her, dammit.

He is afraid of Sakura Haruno.

The very thought makes him want to laugh and scream at the same time.

But he's kissing her, and pushing her against the bed, and his name spills from her mouth over and over and it's beautiful and he wants to hear more and he knows he shouldn't have come tonight. He knew this would happen. He should've gotten drunk first so if—when—he showed up later, he'd have an excuse for why it's happening. Because tomorrow, she'll start asking and pushing and wanting something from him that he's still too afraid to give.

He can give her this. But he can give anyone this, she'll say, because she always says that, and she wants more than just this, she'll yell at him. Then he'll kiss her and tell himself it's just to shut her up. But really, it'll be because she's so fucking cute when she's angry, although he doesn't want her to be angry at all, and she'll forget about the argument until it comes around again like it always does.

And even though she's right, even though she does deserve more, even though he maybe wants to give it to her—

He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to. Because what she wants, for the first time in his life since Itachi, absolutely terrifies him.

It's over as quickly as it started since it's been a few weeks for him. Because unbeknownst to her, he didn't go out while he was gone, either, and she always feels too good for him. Too heavenly. Too far above and divine and her massive strength seeps him of his own so quickly.

Her green fingertips are crawling lazily across his chest, relaxing him in ways he shouldn't be allowed to feel, given his past.

"Stay with me this time," she whispers. And quickly after, adds, "I love you."

She's said the words he didn't want to hear. Sakura knows this the moment they've left her lips. They slipped—she hadn't meant to try to say them again. She wants to grab them back from the air and make them disappear when his muscles tense up beneath her hand, but it's too late. They would've come out sooner or later, anyway.

His fight or flight response is immediate. Sasuke sits up with his back to her.

He moves away. "Don't start this, Sakura," he warns.

The sheets of her bed are pushed to the floor and leave her naked on the mattress. Sasuke doesn't take the bait, however tempting she might be, and stands to pull his clothes on.

Sakura's crying now. "Don't you feel anything?"

Of course, he feels things, and he feels bad that he's made her cry again. All he does is make her cry, he thinks. She deserves so much more than him.

A phrase he's heard from somewhere in his past pops up in his mind. "I am flawed if I'm not free."

She shakes her head. "I don't understand when you say things like that."

Sasuke knows himself. He knows when he's scared, he screws up. He knows that he wants to push Sakura away and pull her close at the same time, but the darkness inside of him will always win. He'll only ever make her cry, and she'll only ever make him feel too much to handle. He doesn't want to break her because of it.

His clothes are back on, and she's sniffling behind him.

He thinks he's her flaw, always making her cry. And she is his, clouding up his judgment like this. It would be better for both of them to be free of one another, wouldn't it? This is as much for himself as it is for her.

"Attachment is weakness. Those kinds of bonds bring pain." What doesn't she understand? Why can't she just be happy with what they are? Why does she need more? "Freedom can't hurt you like that."

She laughs angrily. "Maybe you can lie to me, Sasuke-kun, but please tell me you don't lie to yourself and actually believe that bullshit!"

This won't end with anything productive, he decides.

"Hn, whatever."

"So you're saying you want to be free?"

Yes. No. Who fucking knows? He doesn't say anything.

"Are you not free enough now? Do you not fuck around enough already?!"

He scoffs. "I didn't say anything vulgar like that."

"You enjoy this type of freedom too much, then? You enjoy this little game you're playing with me?"

He sighs in frustration. "It's not a game Sakura. It's just everything that comes with it—with your feelings—I…can't."

"You…can't," she repeats.

Sakura chuckles bitterly and reaches to the floor to haul her comforter back over herself. She turns away from him and his eyes avert from her form.

The silence lengthens the divide between them, and Sasuke doesn't know if he regrets coming or regrets not staying in bed with her.

He stands there, staring out the window, wondering just what is wrong with him. He hears a small slap, like something hitting skin. He glances back at her under the covers and belatedly thinks that maybe he ought to lie back down. He can't give an answer to her feelings, but he could stay as she asked. And it...isn't like he doesn't want to stay.

His feet don't move.

"Get out," she finally whispers.

After a pause, he obeys. He crawls out her window. He shuts it quietly behind him and jumps to her roof, cursing at himself. Although he meant what he said, that bonds bring pain and that he doesn't know what to do about her feelings, he can't help but feel weak for letting flight win.

He gazes across the rooftops of Sakura's neighborhood.

Alright, yes—he probably handled that poorly. There was, probably, a way to say what he said without getting kicked out of Sakura's room. What he said wasn't wrong, but... Maybe it wasn't right.

He curses loudly this time, jumping away from her apartment.

He should've kept his respectful distance from Sakura Haruno. Should've known she would do something like this to his head. He should've known he would end up hurting her, too. His thoughts are clouded, and though he was headed home, he turns and heads towards the one place he knows will help him forget this inner struggle for the night.

She stares at her ceiling, knowing where he's going, and knowing if he doesn't show up back in her room in the next few hours, apologizing as he sometimes does, then he'll have drowned his drunken thoughts away deep inside another woman.

She falls asleep crying after two hours pass. She wakes up the next morning alone.

.

x

.

4

.

FOUR.

CUATRO.

QUATRE.

.

It's always 75 in Suna, even during winter.

Sometimes, it's even hotter. But it's spring now, and the only way she knows is because she looked at a calendar two days ago.

Sakura learns to miss melting snow, and the shiver darkness brings in Konoha. She starts to miss wearing jackets to shield against the cold rather than the bite of sand. She starts to wonder if maybe it's time to go back to Konoha. Suna isn't a bad place to live, per se, but it isn't home.

But she can't go back home just yet, she reminds herself every night.

She still isn't ready to deal with what awaits her there. She figures if she stays away long enough, Sasuke will forget about her in that way. He'll forget his habit of tapping on her window after bar nights or missions. Eventually, given enough space, she hopes they can revert back to strictly teammates. And when this happens, maybe she can forget about him in that way.

She's wrong. Home comes to her.

He's standing on her front porch that morning when she's leaving for work, smirking down at her with his ANBU mask in hand.

"Long time no see, annoying."

She's shell-shocked and can't respond, not even to the old nickname. She specifically told Naruto not to give this man any missions that involved Suna!

Sakura knows her face must look like a fish out of water, but she doesn't know whether to cry or laugh or hug him or slam the door on him. She doesn't know whether to cry and laugh and hug him and slam the door behind him. It's been five months of peace in Suna! Why is he here to screw up all her hard work of getting over him?

"Why are you here?" she manages to ask.

"A mission," he replies, pointedly waving his mask.

She takes a step back from him. "I mean, why are you here—at my house?"

"You didn't answer any of my letters." An accusation settles in his raised brow.

This shocks her. Naruto, Ino, Tsunade, and Kakashi all write to her weekly.

Sakura shakes her head. "You never sent any letters."

"No, I've given all three of mine to Naruto and he sent them with—" His eyes widen and turn red. "Hn… That bastard."

Sasuke's written to her—three times? Without a reply? She's confused, and she's already late for her shift at the hospital. She doesn't understand why he's here and she doesn't want to deal with him being here, saying these things. None of it matters.

"Okay, well, nice seeing you Sasuke-kun. I'm sure I'll get the letters eventually. Sometimes, my neighbor gets my mail... But uh, I've… Um, I gotta get to work. So…"

Sakura attempts to squeeze past him, which only results in her chest brushing across his arm. Her eyes shoot up to his in embarrassment. He's smirking again, his birthright spinning slowly. He steps closer, effectively blocking her from moving any further out of the doorway.

"You know how hard it was to get a mission over here, Sakura?" He's so beautiful it hurts. Her eyes are enthralled with his possessive stare. She wants him so bad, loves him so much; she wants him to just leave her alone. "I thought it was Naruto being a jackass, but I'm starting to wonder if it was your doing."

He's close enough that if she stood on her toes, she could kiss him. She wants to, but for what? They can never be together. Sasuke doesn't want to be together. She wouldn't let him be with her…

She stares at his green vest, trying to calm her darkening thoughts. "Well... What if it was my doing?"

"Then that's why I'm here."

She's startled. "What?"

"I'm here to undo it," he says. "I'm not good at this… I know I was stupid. I've made many mistakes, Sakura. But I don't plan on making any more with you."

He leans down and catches her lips, pushing her up against her doorframe as his hands slide across her waist like a missing puzzle piece. Sasuke Uchiha is in Suna, kissing her on her doorstep. She fervently kisses him back in the seconds before her wits return. She's out of breath when she pushes him away.

He's smiling as if he won a contest. The look should anger her. Instead, there's heat pooling ever so slowly below her abdomen.

God, he's beautiful.

Her eyes are wide. "Sasuke-kun, my job, you—I can't! It's—"

"Stop talking." He places his palm across her mouth. "I came here to inform you that the Kazekage has given you the day off."

"Mmph?!"

"Gaara owed me a favor. Now, I'll take my hand off if you'll be a good girl and stop trying to blow me off."

The clearest green Sasuke's ever seen looks back at him. For the first time in his life, he doesn't know what she's thinking. Sakura has always been an open book. Then she ran off to Suna without telling him or even saying goodbye. He thought she wasn't answering his mail—which, obviously, Naruto hadn't been sending in the first place. For five months, he's been completely blindsided and in the dark with her.

He didn't know how fed up she was. She never told him if he didn't commit, she would leave for good… He always assumed she'd stay. He knows he made some massive mistakes, but she didn't have to up and leave him completely. Now, she doesn't want to be near him when he's come all this way for her? She isn't happy about what he's just told her?

She looks…sad. He thought this was what she wanted—he thought this would make her happy. He moves his hand from her lips to her cheek.

Sasuke made his decision before he came here, though. Sakura Haruno is coming back to Konoha with him. He never thought he'd have to convince her, but so be it. He knows her better than anyone. It'll be easy to get her back.

These past five months have been torture without her. If someone told him two years ago he would miss Sakura Haruno if she left, he would've laughed in their face. He even stopped going out after she left. He felt wrong doing it. What if it got back to her, and she thought he was going out to meet other women?

He only realized he didn't want any other woman when she left.

"Of course, if you want to be a bad girl and blow me off…"

His voice is darkly sensual, and Sakura can't take it anymore. He came to Suna. He knew she'd be working. He asked the Kazekage to give her the day off, found her apartment, and had probably been waiting outside for her for quite some time before she opened the door to leave. And—and—

Her heart bursts with love for this man and breaks into a hundred pieces for herself at the same time.

Tears are burning the back of her eyes.

Before he can see them, she leans up into his lips, kissing him with all the pent-up passion of months without release. He pushes her back inside, closing the door behind him before finding her thighs and picking her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. His hands are on her ass, and hers are in his hair, and she prays he can't feel the wetness across her cheeks as they hit walls and cabinets and nearly fall a few times on the way back to her room. He whispers wicked promises and sweet nothings to her, all in the same sentence.

Sasuke lies her across the bed with a softness that wasn't there on their way back here. He's looking at her face, and he's noticed the wet trails; she turns to shield her eyes with her hair.

"Tch…" Sasuke covers her body with his, trailing kisses up her stomach and across her neck until he's right front of her. His hands grab the sides of her face, forcing her to look at him. His brows crease in confusion.

Her chin quivers. "It's nothing," she answers the question in his gaze. "I'm happy you're here Sasuke-kun. Really."

He kisses her and the hot tears spring free again. He pulls back, vexation apparent in his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, closing her eyes.

Fear is crawling up Sasuke's spine as her tears track across his fingertips. Somehow, he knows she isn't coming home with him at that very moment.

Sakura Haruno scares him—this time for a completely different reason. He didn't want her love before, and now, when he's come all this way to get it and to keep it…

"Look at me," he orders, eyes unintentionally turning red as his heartbeat picks up.

She obeys, and when she stares back at him, she's an open book again. He sees her heart breaking, and walls being built, and a painful resolution slowly settling into her heart. He kisses her in frustration, not understanding what he's done wrong. Her response feels half-hearted.

"Sakura," he growls, resting his forehead in the crook of her neck. "…Did I wait too long?"

He can fix that. He can give it time. He can show he's being honest about this.

She's trying her hardest not to sob. "No, no, it'll never be your fault... I'm sorry, Sasuke. I'm sorry. It's not you—I've always loved you. I loved you when you left, I loved you when you weren'tyou. I loved you even when you told me you wanted to be free."

"So come home with me. I won't ask for that ever again." He presses a kiss onto her neck.

There's desperation in his voice that he tries to conceal. She's never seen him this vulnerable. She never knew he could be this vulnerable. She never thought it would be towards her.

Sakura knows he'll hate her after this. This man has been denied everything in his life, and once upon a time, she wanted to be the one to break that sad and lonely truth. She's promised him her heart many times over. After this, she'll be a liar to him. A traitor.

But it's because she loves him that she can't let him choose this. He can't ever choose her. She thought she fixed the problem before there was one when she came to Suna.

She should tell him the truth. She should—but she's so ashamed that she can't get the words out.

"Sasuke, I can't go home with you now."

"Then come live with me in the compound when your mission is over."

"I can't ask you to wait, I—"

He's scared. Sasuke Uchiha is terrified of this small woman on a scale he didn't think possible.

"I'll wait. It's only a few more months. I'll wait years. If it's you, I'll move here. You'll be the only person I'll ever go home with from now on, Sakura. Just…" He leans up and presses his forehead against hers, afraid to open his eyes and see the rejection he feels coming staring back at him. "Tell me that's what you want."

She's sobbing. This is all she's ever wanted to hear her whole life.

"Tell me." His fear is turning into something darker with each tear she chokes on. She isn't going to tell him what he wants. He feels it. "Say it!"

He's getting angry. She knew he would. She should have told him the truth from the beginning. Either way, he would hate her. At least he would hate her for the same reason she hates herself if he knew everything, though. At least he wouldn't have dangled everything just out of reach in front of the both of them like this.

This will be the first time she has ever killed off a life of Sasuke's.

"I can't ever go home with you… I can't be with you, Sasuke."

A shiver burns down her entire body when he pushes himself off of her before she even finishes her sentence.

"You told me you would always love me," he whispers, feet away from her bed, now.

"I will always love you." She sits up, reaching for his hand, frantically trying to pull him back despite knowing she shouldn't. He steps further away, eyes slit and blood red. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and it's for that reason I can't let you choose this!"

Anger flits across his face. "You're a liar. I was willing to—"

Word vomit is coming up. The truth is about to spill out.

"No! I've never lied! I, listen, I can't—I don't know how, but Sasuke-kun, I'm bar—"

He stops her, fury radiating around him. "Is this what you wanted all along, for me to make a fool of myself?"

"No, no. Listen, please! Sasuke, I can't ha—"

"Don't speak to me ever again, Sakura Haruno." He turns away from her shaking form.

"Listen to me!" she screams, desperate to tell him, desperate for him to understand. Desperately hoping that he'll still want her even after she tells him.

She stands and runs to him. He turns and stills her feet with his Sharingan inches before her hand can touch him. Sakura's eyes widen in shock—he's never intentionally used his bloodline against her.

Pure anger surges through Sasuke. Something inside feels like this girl standing behind him ripped it out and tore it apart. She's crying, and he knows something isn't right... But he bared his feelings to her, and she rejected him. He wants to comfort her—his hand is already reaching out to hold her again. He clenches them. He won't give in to his emotions with her ever again, especially not right after that.

"What do you have to say?" he asks icily as his bloodline holds her. "Spit it out."

The truth hides away again, unwilling to come out in the face of his fury. She suddenly regrets what she's done.

"Sasuke-kun, please…" But she isn't even sure what she wants. They can't be together... Right?

He's a prideful man. She's a lying woman, and who knows for how long she was playing around with him? How long had she managed to manipulate him into thinking she really loved him?

"You are so damn annoying." And he really means it this time.

He leaves.

Even though she's able to move her feet again, she doesn't have it in her to stop him. Her front door slams with enough force to shake the walls of her apartment, like a mended bridge cracking at a fault line and crumbling into the ravine below. Sakura sinks to her knees and cries for the rest of the day. Her wrist is red in welts from the rubberband by the time she falls asleep, a habit she thought she kicked two months ago.

She sleeps in the very spot he left her that night.

.

.

Sasuke has never made it back to Konoha from Suna in such a short time before.

A boiling rage is festering inside of him when he stomps into the bar that night. People pave a wide path before him. He sits in the barstool that Sakura once frequented, angry at himself for doing so but never moving. Women who would approach him any other night keep a safe distance from his deadly aura. Even Lee, who's on the other end of the bar and would normally come to challenge him to a youthful drinking competition, decides better of betting him tonight.

He slams back his drinks alone. Everyone is terrified of Sasuke Uchiha in moods like this. Only Naruto and Sakura would have the gall to walk up to him—but Naruto is busy in his office, and Sakura is miles away, probably crying and being the reason for it all.

Or maybe not crying. Maybe the tears she showed him were a lie, too. All part of the big, hilarious game she played on him. Very fucking funny.

In the back of his mind, he knows something isn't right about all this. How long has he known Sakura? And when has she ever been anything but loyal and trustworthy?

He glares at nothing in particular. He doesn't want to think any redeeming thoughts about Sakura Haruno right now.

No, tonight he's angry. He's angry, and there's no one here to comfort him. No one is brave enough to try their luck with the cursed Uchiha. He'll be alone like always, he thinks, as he raises his hand for another round.

Whatever. It's better this way. Otherwise, people make fools of themselves, like he's just done.

Bonds bring pain, exactly like he had warned Sakura. God, he's an idiot for going against his own word! His eyes are seeping red with his thoughts.

Surprisingly, the next second, a body slides into the seat next to him. "What a mood you're in tonight, ne, Sasuke-kun? You're scaring everyone away!"

The voice is familiar. He closes his eyes and sighs.

"Go away, Karin."

"Don't be so cruel." She touches his arm, feigning hurt.

He ignores her attempts and leans away. He hasn't bed her in almost a year. Not since Sakura started pushing for more, at least. Giving up Karin had been easy, anyway. He'd only gone for her initially because she offered so willingly. Despite all her drawbacks, Karin had been there for him during some of his darkest times. Sasuke would always appreciate her for that. He didn't like her, but he trusted her.

It also didn't hurt that her hair is shades away from pink. Most of the time, when they were together in the darkness, her eyes were closed and the red was hidden and her voice was pitched just so—it was easy to imagine she was someone else entirely. Someone who'd also been there for him during his darkest times, even when he tried his hardest to break the bond.

Her breasts are pushed up against his arm, and he's reminded of earlier today when an accidental brush was all it took for his blood to rush south. In comparison, he feels nothing about this. He clenches his glass in anger as self-conscious green stares up at him in his mind's eye. He wants to scream at the phantom woman.

"Let me make you feel better. It's been a while, right?" Karin whispers. She loves him. Can't he see that he's all she wants? She wants to be with him again like he used to allow her to be. Before that pink-haired girl went and grew the balls to bed him, too. "Don't you remember how good I can make you feel?"

"Go away," he mutters again.

He doesn't want Karin. He doesn't want anyone. He wants to be alone—he wants to forget. His face slips.

It's like she can read his thoughts with that, and she smirks at the chance he's given her. She saw that very look many times when they were on a team, traveling around as nukenin.

"Let me help you forget, then, Sasuke-kun."

Call it a woman's intuition, but she knows why he's so angry. She knows through the grapevine where his last mission took place. A mission he personally asked to be given. Through the very same grapevine—named Suigetsu—she also heard about who was given a rather lengthy year-long mission to Suna just months ago. Sometime around that same month, Sasuke quit coming to the bars.

And, anyway, she is a world-class tracker. If she wants to know where Sasuke is at any time, all she has to do is attune her mind to him and she could assess his exact location. If he didn't want it to be known how much time he spent in Sakura's apartment when she still lived here, he should've cloaked his chakra while in town.

It isn't hard to connect the dots.

"She might not be here, but I am. See? I'm right here for you like I always have been. Just like I always will be."

Her statement shocks him enough that he turns to face her. Is he that easy to read lately? What has Sakura done to him?

Karin smiles in victory and stands, tugging on his arm as she does.

"Come on then. I'll show you just how here for you I am," she purrs.

He chugs his drink and hopes it'll be enough to make him forget what he's about to do. He wants to forget everything. And he doesn't really want to be alone. Why else would he go so far to bring the one he wants—wanted—back? But now…

Now, he wants Sakura to pay for what she's denied him. So he swallows the guilt rising in his chest with the last of his alcohol and follows Karin out of the bar.

.

x

.

7

.

SEVEN,

SIETE.

SEPT.

.

Karin holds the baby boy in her arms. He looks just like his father. She smiles, stroking the soft tufts of black that peak out from beneath the blue cap the nurses put on after they cleaned him.

He's healthy. He's beautiful. He'shers. She looks up at Sasuke, who's staring down at the baby with a look she's seen on him before but has never been able to read.

He's theirs.

She loves her baby more than she's ever loved another being. She loves him more than she loves her husband, something Karin didn't think would ever be possible. She runs her finger across his cheek, her smile hiding a deep sadness as she gazes at her miracle.

Will he love you? she wonders. Will he love you even though you're mine? Will he hold you and have no regrets? Will he love you for everything you are, instead of despising you for everything that you aren't?

It doesn't matter, she decides. She loves their baby enough for both of them. Itachi will be her lovely child, with or without her husband's agreement. She's given Sasuke what he's always wanted…and Karin gained something she never knew she did.

He's still standing with his arms limply at his side, watching their son sleep in hers.

"Would you like to hold him, Sasuke-kun?"

He's nervous, she realizes, as he nods and reaches for the baby. Karin places the small, wrapped boy carefully into the crook of his arms—a smile spreading across her features at the sight. Five years ago, she would've laughed at the idea of Sasuke Uchiha holding a newborn. Now, the scene is beautiful. Serene.

Sasuke holds his son with gentleness he didn't know he possessed. This is his child. This is his clan. This is the only other living person in the whole world with Uchiha blood.

This is what he's always wanted...

Sasuke smiles. "Hi… Itachi," and he nearly chokes on the name.

Itachi opens his eyes at the sound of Sasuke's voice, yawning and reaching up towards the man's face.

Red.

The boy's eyes are red, but not in the blood-red of the Sharingan. They are lighter, the less sinister shade of his mother's. The sight has him handing the baby back over to Karin.

Sasuke's suddenly crying, and she's watching him sadly like she knows why, and he knows he shouldn't be ruining this moment. He knows he shouldn't. But he is because he ruins everything, even the beauty that this moment should be.

"I'm sorry," he says, turning away from his wife and child, needing some air to clear his head.

Karin doesn't stop him.

Instead, she smiles softly down at her baby and tells him, for the first of many times, she thinks, "It's not your fault, Itachi. Don't mind your father."

Sasuke is outside the hospital in seconds. The same hospital that was once run by the highest-ranked medical kunoichi in the world. He looks up at the clear blue sky that taunts him with peacefulness, and he's still crying, and he doesn't even care who might see him out here like this. He feels the two people approach from behind before they ever make a sound. He doesn't try to hide his tears.

Naruto doesn't mention them. "Since you're in the business of naming after family, the next one's gonna be named after me, right?"

Sasuke just glances at Naruto, grateful for the attempt but unable to lighten up. Naruto looks like he wants to cry, too, but he's still smiling. Sasuke is glad his best friend holds it in.

"You did well, Sasuke." Kakashi's hand falls on Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke wants to disagree, that he didn't do well—that none of this is right and all of them know it—but he doesn't. "He looks just like you," Kakashi continues. "He'll be breaking hearts in no time."

"He's got Karin's eyes," Sasuke says, tears still falling and still not giving a damn.

Naruto and Kakashi understand him well enough to read between the lines of those words, but they don't push it. Naruto puts his arm around Sasuke's shoulders and Sasuke doesn't dare look over this time. He can tell by the sniffing that Naruto's no longer smiling. Naruto knows Sasuke doesn't want him to cry for him, but he can't help it.

They should be happy. These should be tears of joy.

Kakashi starts talking again to fill the silence. "It's nice for a teacher to see his student's dreams come true. Naruto is Hokage, and now you've begun to restore your clan, Sasuke." They look across the green grass of summer, a shade of green that will forever haunt Sasuke. "I'm proud of you all."

Their teacher pauses. Kakashi's unsure whether or not to say his next words. He stares up at the sky, steeling himself.

"I know Sakura's happy for you today, Sasuke. She would want you to be happy, too."

Sasuke chokes, his head lowering. He raises his hand to cover his eyes at the words.

"Aa, Sakura sent me a letter and told me to congratulate you. She says... She says that she's proud of you," Naruto admits, his voice steady through the tears.

Sasuke's whole body seems to shake.

Naruto hadn't been sure if he would tell Sasuke about the note he received this morning, but Kakashi went and said Sakura's name and Naruto felt like he had to. He knows it's hard enough on his best friend—knows how much he hated talking about it. Naruto wasn't expecting to find Sasuke crying though, either.

Sasuke's sobbing. "That should be her in there," he finally admits out loud.

If Naruto and Kakashi think him a horrible man for saying that, they don't show it.

Maybe they were all thinking it.

This is what he's always wanted… His clan is being restored. But he saw Karin's eyes staring back at him through Itachi and wished in that instant it was green looking up at him instead. He wished that it was pink hair he prayed wouldn't get passed down instead of red, and he wished it didn't break his heart to look down at his child and wish Itachi was something and someone he will never be.

He wishes he could have what he truly wanted instead of just what he'd always wanted.

This is what he owes his parents and his clan—most of all, this is what he owes his brother.

But what about what he owes himself?

He stands next to his teammates, crying, letting Naruto cry with him and Kakashi pat his shoulder, and wonders if what waits for him back inside is worth more than her. If his dream was worth more than the only woman he'll ever love.

But his thoughts only make him feel unworthy of Sakura's immense love, and even more unworthy of his own boy asleep in his wife's arms, when he realizes he'll never be able to answer that question.

.

x

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5

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FIVE.

CINCO.

CINQ.

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Tsunade is fuming. "He can't ask this of you! I'll wring that bastard's neck! What's wrong with him?!"

They're standing outside Room 417, in the critical care ward. Sakura rubs her temples as her mentor refuses to move out of the way.

"I'm gonna kill that sorry excuse for a man!"

"Yes, yes, go do that," Sakura intones. "At least you'll be out of my way then."

Tsunade glares at her former student. "Why are you even doing this? Let his evil little spawn die. After everything he's done to this village, to his friends, to you… It's what he deserves."

Steely green pins honey. "Don't you ever say that again about Sasuke or his child. Ever," Sakura hisses. The older woman is shocked by the warning in the girl's voice. She sounds much older than the 23-year-old she is. "You will never speak like that in front of his kids, understood? I won't ever forgive you if you do."

Sakura takes a deep breath to calm herself. She hadn't meant to snap at the woman she views as a second mother.

"I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama. I'm stressed, even though I'm trying to act like I'm fine. This is hard for me, and I know you're only trying to look out for me… Thank you."

Tsunade nods. "I apologize, too. I should've never said that about the child, and I won't say it again…but I still think his father is a bastard, Sakura. That can't be changed."

It's enough to make Sakura chuckle. Although it's unusual for them, Sakura reaches out to hug her mentor for comfort. The embrace eases some of the ill feelings brewing in her chest.

Sakura pulls away, looking towards Room 417.

"Anyway… It's not like he's forcing me to do this. He asked, and I agreed. I could've said no." She snaps the rubber band.

"Stop that," Tsunade reprimands, glancing at her student's wrist. "I wish I'd never told you about that." The older woman looks at the door before them and sighs. "And you never could say no to him. I know it, you know it, and certainly, he knows it."

"Maybe," Sakura admits. The longer she stands outside the room, the less she wants to enter. "Well… What's done is done."

Tsunade lays a hand on Sakura's shoulder. "I already took care of the most serious of her injuries. I realize he may not trust me as he trusts you, but if you ask me, I'd override his and the Hokage's request and remain on this case as the main doctor."

The offer is tempting. She really doesn't want to go in there…but she promised.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama, but I can do this."

Tsunade pats Sakura's shoulder twice before giving her a nudge towards the door. "Alright then," Tsunade says. "I left the chart beside the sink. Her vitals look fine. I've got her hooked up for fluids, but there shouldn't be anything more serious than that for now."

Sakura nods. She takes a breath to calm her emotions before opening the door.

The quiet beep of the heart monitor is much slower than the rate of her own. The other woman looks to be asleep on the bed. The door closes quietly behind her, and she grabs the chart off the counter. A broken wrist, multiple cuts and bruises; a large, shallow slash across her back; a fractured tailbone—more of an inconvenience than a serious issue.

Sakura looks over the chart two more times, delaying the inevitable. She feels like a beaten dog, hoping for a treat from the same hand that always gives the punishments.

"I know he asked you to look me over, but I'd prefer if Tsunade continued the examination."

Surprised, Sakura peers up into narrowed red. She can almost choke on the thick aura of suspicion.

Karin chuckles, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "You think I don't know he went to see you?" she asks, not bothering to hide her disdain. "Obviously, I know where my fiancé goes when he leaves the compound."

Sakura places the chart back before making her way over to the bed. If Karin thinks she's going to intimidate her out of this room, the woman is sorely mistaken. Sakura may have made a mistake when she returned to Konoha from her year-long Suna mission a few days ago, but that isn't a discussion to have while she's on duty.

"Do you feel any pain in your lower abdomen?"

Karin's eyes lose their tough accusation and flash in quick panic at Sakura's approach. "I don't want you conducting this exam!" Karin yells, almost with terror. "I don't trust you! Bring Tsunade back in here at once!"

The woman's monitors show she isn't lying. Her heart rate and blood pressure skyrocket within seconds of Sakura standing beside the bed.

Sakura sighs. "I'm not going to harm you or your child, Karin. I promise. You don't have to be afraid. Tsunade-sama can't conduct this examination because I was specifically assigned by the Hokage to personally ensure that your child is safe and healthy."

"Of course, Naruto would think it's okay for you to conduct an exam on my baby! Naruto knows nothing! But do you think I don't know how much this eats you up inside?!" Karin is screaming, and Sakura prays none of the nurses come in to see what's going on. "You think I don't know how you wish this was you?"

She laughs, but it sounds more frantic than anything else. Her hands are splayed across her belly in a protective manner.

"How do you think I felt when he left me for you—left me, the one who was there for him all along, for a little girl who hangs out at bars too often? A little girl who runs away when she doesn't get what she wants? Who tried to kill him! How did I feel when he ignored me because you were there? How do you think I felt six days ago when I lay awake ALONE and PREGNANT in HIS BED?!" Her laugh is full of contempt. "You think I don't know how jealous you are right now, but I know exactly what you're feeling and I won't let you near my child, Sakura Haruno! Who knows what you're planning to do to my baby!"

Her words are a punch in Sakura's gut.

It's true.

It's all fucking true, every single word. And she'd like nothing more than to impale Karin and her fucking child right there on the fucking hospital bed and watch as the life drained out of her fucking red eyes. Smile while it's happening, even, because YOU'RE RIGHT Karin. I'm fucking JEALOUS and—and I deserve to be the one worried over MY pregnancy—it was never supposed to be you! And THIS was never supposed to HAPPEN!

And all Sakura will ever be is a washed-out girl who cried too much and was never strong enough and never good enough and never did the right thing…and isn't that what Karin wants?

Doesn't she want to break Sakura down, to prove her point, to make sure that Sakura knows she's lost?

Who is she trying to convince, though: herself or Sakura? Because all these things that chalk up to Sakura being an utter failure in life is a fact that Sakura accepted many years ago.

Sakura closes her eyes and takes a few breaths. Inside, murderous jealousy and devastating heartbreak are at war. She isn't going to harm Karin, though. That much she knows. Her fantasies and reality rarely coincide.

But she also doesn't want to let the woman see her cry. All she can do is finish the exam as quickly as possible. So she can run to Ino's apartment down the block and let her heart shatter into tiny little pieces and plummet down into cracks they can't be retrieved from and not have to worry about who can see her completely break and fall apart.

"If I hurt you or your child, I'd only be hurting Sasuke," Sakura says, keeping her eyes shut to steady her voice. "And I would never hurt him, Karin. If you know how I feel, then you must know that much as well."

Sakura opens her eyes to meet Karin's. The woman is beautiful, Sakura thinks past the horrible green beast rearing its head inside of her, demanding justice. She's always known the redhead was uniquely exotic looking, but jealousy had usually clouded her judgment enough to ignore the admission.

And Karin is loyal, and loyalty is a trait Sakura admires in any shinobi and any woman. She's smart, and powerful in her own right, with abilities some would give anything to possess. She survived conditions Sakura could never imagine and managed to not succumb to the dark path. She's always looked at as the weak-link; she has a temper; she has a weakness for a boy. Looking up from the hospital bed she's currently clutching to, Karin suddenly reminds Sakura so much of herself that it's frightening.

Karin said that she knows Sasuke's been visiting Sakura in the past week she's been back from Suna—knows that Sasuke came crawling through Sakura's bedroom window asking for her help before ever going to the hospital to see if his fiancée was okay.

How much else did Karin know?

Do you know my first night back, I couldn't help myself when he tapped on my window, even though Ino told me about the baby and the engagement? Sakura thinks.

Do you know he whispered that he only asked you because of the child? That he'll leave you if I tell him to, that he'd even bring the child all the way to Suna if I forgave him?

Do you know he says you were a mistake and promised to spend the rest of his life making it up to me?

Do you know he plans to leave you if I let him?

Do you know he doesn't love you, Karin?

Sakura would ask these questions if she were feeling cruel, but looking into Karin's eyes, full of loathing and distrust, she can see what the other woman's desperately trying to hide.

Fear. Heartbreak.

Loneliness.

Karin probably knows all of it, Sakura thinks.

Sakura puts herself in Karin's shoes and wonders if she would be able to let the other woman help. If she knew Sasuke would leave for Karin no matter how hard she tried, no matter how hard she loved him, would she be able to stand being in the same room as her?

Because Sakura never doubted that Karin loves Sasuke. She knows Karin loves Sasuke.

But Sasuke was supposed to be hers, and hers alone. Forever. She was supposed to make him happy. Not Karin. But as she looks at the pregnant woman, she feels a part of herself fly away. She feels like she's watching this moment outside of her own body and conscious bias like a true medic should.

Karin will treat Sasuke well.

Karin will never betray him.

Karin will raise and love their child, because Sakura would've treated Sasuke well, Sakura would never have betrayed him, and Sakura would've loved their child with all her soul. And Sakura just realized that there is very little difference separating the two women when it comes to Sasuke Uchiha. Only—Karin can give him something she can't.

It takes a minute of the silent standoff before Karin nods quickly. The look she's wearing subsides like she's noticed a change in Sakura's demeanor.

"Just hurry up… I want to go home."

"Sure." Sakura lays green hands across the woman's stomach, easing her chakra in. It's less tense but no less awkward. "Is there any pain at all in your lower abdomen?"

"No."

Sakura feels the second chakra signature within Karin's body. It's tinted blue with a familiarness that's lacking its sinister edge. Her tears spring up again against the back of her eyes as she tries to ignore how accustomed her chakra is to the other. Karin's eyes don't leave Sakura's face, and Sakura knows the other woman can see the wetness barely held back.

"Tell me how you fell. What caused it, how you landed, how you got back to Konoha."

"We were doing a quick patrol, and a series of contractions hit. I couldn't keep my balance," Karin answers. "I fell about twenty feet out of a tree, but I managed to turn so I didn't land on my stomach. Juugo carried me back."

Sakura nods. "Okay…"

Karin waits mere seconds before pouncing. "Okay what? Is my baby okay? Why am I having early contractions?"

"The fetus is fine, though a bit shaken," Sakura says, pushing some healing chakra into the baby. There isn't much else she can do for it. The baby is big for its term. It's healthy.

She warns herself not to wish otherwise at that second.

"You need to hydrate yourself better. You aren't taking in enough fluids. I've got a hypothesis that due to your ability to share your life force by sharing of body fluids that the baby could be constantly pulling on you in that way. Probably not enough to physically harm you, but perhaps enough to cause the child to grow faster and speed up the pregnancy. It's quite possible you'll deliver much earlier than forty weeks...maybe even within the next week. Since there's no one else with your ability to ask, it's the best guess we have to run on until you've actually given birth and we can run a few tests safely."

Karin nods like she actually believes Sakura, which is surprising.

"Also," Sakura continues, "since you'd be constantly drained, you need to take in more food and water than you would normally. Keep that in mind if you start to feel a little weak. But since it's only a guess, we'll need to monitor you in the hospital. We'll schedule you for twice-a-week checkups until you deliver."

"Okay," Karin agreed.

"Lastly, I'm going to put you on bed rest for the next two weeks and see if that helps any. You're also done with taking any missions until you deliver this baby. Why Naruto continued to assign you missions when you're seven months pregnant is beyond me, but I'll send a medical report to him after this that excuses you for the next two months. It'll be up to you how long you wish to remain inactive after you give birth."

In two months, the current Sasuke will die, and a whole new life of Sasuke will begin, Sakura thinks. This will be the last life cycle she'll track. Sakura will never know the Sasukes born and killed after this. She won't ponder his lives anymore. For her own sake. For his. She snaps the rubberband with added strength and Karin jumps, startled by the sudden noise.

Sakura tucks her hands into her lab coat. "That's it then." She doesn't want to ask because she knows where it'll lead, but she's required to: "Any more questions?"

Karin's staring at her like an animal backed into a corner. "I'm a gifted sensor."

"Are you asking me or telling me?" Sakura doesn't mean it to come out as cold as it does

The woman on the bed scoffs. "You know what I'm getting at. If I'm tracking someone, I know exactly what their chakra is doing. If I'm close enough, I can even get readings on their mood." Sakura doesn't answer her, so Karin continues. "I know what happened when you came home, okay? I don't want to listen to you lie. I don't want to hear the truth. I want to pretend it never happened because it hurts too much to think about."

The eye contact they were holding drops when green moves to look out the window. Sakura knows all too well how Sasuke Uchiha can hurt too much to think about.

"I know we've never gotten along," Karin peddles on. "And I know you love Sasuke. But I'm not speaking to you as a rival. I'm speaking to you as a woman."

Vulnerable, threatened red meets guilty, heartbroken green, and in that split second, both women feel overwhelming sympathy and understanding for one another. The moment passes in the next.

"As a woman, I'm asking you to respect me, respect my baby, and respect the love I have for my fiancé. I don't know what he told you or promised you, and I don't want to know. But I'm having his child, and I'm going to raise and love my child with or without him." Karin pauses. "And I hope that you would respect me enough as a woman to want my child raised by both of his parents. In the town that his clan created."

So Karin knows everything.

Except the most important thing.

The tears are too hot for Sakura to conceal this time. They brim over her lashes as she smiles.

"You love Sasuke a lot, don't you, Karin?"

Karin is reminded of the tears that fell on her body as Sakura grabbed ahold of her life force on that bridge long ago and anchored her to the world of the living. She remembers the painful way the woman cried, like her heart had been broken too many times to repair.

The fake smile spreading agonizingly across Sakura's face this time only makes it worse. The sight makes Karin want to cry, too, but she doesn't. Crying is for the weak. That's something she's learned from Sasuke.

"I love him as much as you love him. I love this child even more," she answers quietly.

Sakura laughs, but it's caught between a sob when it comes out. "You must love Itachi an unbelievable amount, then."

Sasuke told her the name of their child. Karin knew he told Sakura many things, but even the name of their child when they've told no one else...? A secret they'd agreed to keep between the two of them? He told Sakura Haruno the name of her baby? Karin feels like throwing up as she nods.

"More than you could ever know."

"You'll make a wonderful mother," Sakura struggles out between the tears as her smile widens. "I wish nothing but happiness for you and Sasuke. That's the truth."

Karin knows it's wrong to kick a horse when it's down, but she asks anyway because this is important, and she has to know. "And you aren't going to try to take him or my baby away from me, are you?"

Sakura laughs in a broken way again, and the sound brings tears to Karin's eyes.

It's now or never. Now, and Sasuke will forever be gone. Now, and Sasuke can have his life with Karin. Now, and Karin will never have to worry again. Surely, once Sakura says it, Karin will tell Sasuke.

"Karin… I am infertile."

The words make Karin's heart skip a beat in the silence that follows them.

Tears she was holding back suddenly burst free, and she's crying for Sakura Haruno, the homewrecker. The woman her fiancé slept with a week ago. The woman who always seems to steal Sasuke right out from under her feet. She's crying for a woman whose tears make her wonder how many times a person can break until there's nothing left.

Karin doesn't feel an ounce of victory in this win any longer.

"I—I don't—wow. I'm sorry. I'm really... I didn't know. I'm sorry." What does one say to that kind of news—to a woman she hates but deserves consolation at the same time?

Does Sasuke know?

Sakura fake laughs again. "Don't be." She turns around, away from Karin's tears of pity—away from the woman who has everything she's ever wanted while holding everything that same woman wants.

How ironic.

Sakura opens the door to leave.

Leave for good.

Leave to go home, pack all her things, say goodbye to her friends, and get the hell out of this haunting city forever.

To return to Suna and never look back. Leave Sasuke, leave Karin, let their happy family grow here in the city that has only ever brought her heartache, broken promises, and dark nights she'll never forget with the only man she's ever loved. Leave Karin to her fate, with the knowledge that Sasuke's only hers because Sakura allows it. Because Sakura wants it to be this way. If she were a vengeful person, that thought might bring her some sort of sick satisfaction.

But it's only sad all around.

"Don't feel sorry for me, and don't be worried about me and Sasuke. I can never restore his clan, and you can. I'd never let him choose me over you, Karin."

It's time to move on, to keep the wind on her back, to pray she can still feel the sun on her face one day. Sakura looks over her shoulder one last time. Karin's hands are on her protruding stomach, her red eyes filled with pity and hurt and a bitter understanding that Sasuke's heart will forever belong to another.

"Sasuke will never leave you for me."

And then, Sakura leaves.

---

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X

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This story is told in seven parts, and not in chronological order.
I've numbered the parts in the order they happen,
so if you're confused...try reading in order :)

leave a review if you're so inclined, know that I will smile getting the e-mail :D