Outsider Chronicles: Phantom Thief

Getting reborn as the Harry in a WBWL story is NOT fun. However, for all the pain I was put though, I think I came out best in the end. I'd have prefered to not have to go through hell, but its hard to imagine that I'll ever be trapped again when the Darkness itself is at my beck and call. Now, lets have some fun and steal everything thats not nailed down...and help stop the end of the world while I'm at it!

And we're back. Nothing to say, other than enjoy!

Chapter 2

Amelia Bones had a headache. For the past two weeks, there had been a huge number of robberies reported by Purebloods, mostly either 'upstanding members of society' (better known as Death Eaters who bribed their way out of prison) or people who supported the Pureblood movement, including the Undersecretary herself. As a result, Fudge was leaning heavily on her to do something about them. The problem was that she had literally nothing to go on, other than a tag that had been spray painted on the walls of each place hit, a cartoony rendition of the Dark Mark that Amelia had to admit was kinda cute, if it wasn't for the horrific origin of the symbol.

Other than the graffeety, there was nothing. No wards tripped, no broken glass, not even a trace of magic being used anywhere that didn't come from the home owners or visitors to the property. It certainly didn't help that the victims were being singularly unhelpful, despite the fact that THEY were the ones demanding that she find and arrest whoever was responsible. Then again, nothing that was taken was really that valuable, just some food, clothes and the occasional nice bit of furniture, but nothing that couldn't be replaced. Well, thats all that was reported at least. Amelia wasn't stupid, she knew that there was probably more missing, but it would be stuff that they really shouldn't have and would likely get them tossed in Azkaban. Or at least fined a lot of money. The only exception to that was Umbitch...Umbridge, who's house had been stripped practically to the bedrock and then coated in dust that was apparently all that remained of the Undersecretaries 'priceless' kitten plate collection.

However, all that was pretty much irrelevant at this point. No matter what the purebloods, the Minister or even the Wizengamot itself wanted, there was nothing Amelia could do. Whoever this Geist was, he was well named. Whoever it was must be incredibly powerful and intelligent to get through the Wards around the houses of old Pureblood families without tripping them. She had to wonder, just what kind of man was he..?

"Hehehee, that was fun!" I cackled as I tossed another silver item that tried to make my head implode out of the trunk that was my current home.

In the past couple of weeks since I got my powers, I had been traveling around the country, finding Wizarding houses and stealing from the ones I knew were Dark. Most of what I swiped was useful stuff for me, blankets, some furniture to furnish my new home and lots of food. I also lifted a number of rather valuable looking artifacts that were most definitely not legal if the fact they were hidden in secret chambers was anything to go by. It was while nicking them that I discovered that I was apparently immune to most forms of magic while in my Breaker state. Oh, the curses on the items still affected me, but considering my body was made of shadow, the curse destroyed the body that was holding it and then dissipated, allowing me to reform my body and toss the item out into the endless darkness of the pocket space that filled my Darkness.

Yep, I had a hammerspace. When I drew things into my body while in my Breaker state, they entered the hammer space and I could draw them out freely whenever I wanted. I could draw Humans in as well, but when I did it to the Dursleys...well, lets just say that my revenge was cut disappointingly short due to reasons of liquified brains. All three were currently locked up in padded rooms, drooling on themselves.

On the plus side, I had found a way around it by stealing an expanded Trunk with a small house inside from a store in Diagon alley. So long as I dumped a person I swallowed directly into the trunk, they'd be fine, as I discovered after experimenting with a couple of scumbags I caught trying to rape a woman and promptly swallowed as an experiment. I had then kicked them out of my home into the darkness, before spitting them out in front of the police station with their brains running out of their ears. Now I had a few expanded trunks floating around in my hammerspace, including my home that I had furnished with stuff stolen from Death Eaters. I had no idea what I'd use them all for, but I was quickly becoming a bit of a packrat. The kleptomania didn't really help either.

I spent the next six years doing nothing to help the mess that was quickly building up in my pocket dimension by moving around Europe and later America, doing everything I could to be a right pain in the neck for the local version PRT and Protectorate, usually by slipping into their base and stealing something from some of their Heroes. My trophies included one of Alexandria's capes, Armsmasters prototype halburd, an entire Dragon suit (where I had almost been caught by the AI before I shut the suit down), Legends mask, one of Contessa's hats and Myriddin's staff. It was that last one where I was closest to being caught by the Cape as I wasn't expecting to run face first into a set of Wards that were most definitely magical in nature. Turns out, the guy wasn't kidding about being a Wizard, although I was willing to bet that he was also a Cape, just like me. I also targeted Villains on occasion, although what I stole from them tended to be more along the lines of crap ton's of cash to pay for my living expenses. I didn't always steal shit after all. As a result, the name Guist was whispered by Heroes and villains everywhere, thanks to my habit of spray painting my tag and the words 'GEIST WAS HEER!' on every place I hit. Despite that, and the sheer number of thefts, I was still only considered to be an annoyance at best, similar to Uber and Leet. Probably even less so considering I didn't tend to target innocent people and, other than causing the people in charge major headaches, I didn't cause any public disturbances.

Of course, I didn't spend my entire time causing trouble and sometimes I did things normal kids did, ranging from going to the amusement park to visiting museums or going to the theater or movies. On my tenth birthday, I decided to do just that and snuck into a movie theater in london to catch an import from Aleph. I wasn't exactly paying any attention to what the film actually was, I was more interested in just enjoying my evening. That's why, when a very familiar theme started playing over the top of the Warner Bros logo, I nearly spat my coke over the family sitting in front. The film I'd snuck in to see was Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Holy fucking shit, it looks like the two worlds are more different than I thought!

I left the theater in a bit of a daze as I tried to get my brain back on track. How in the world was I supposed to react to this? I mean, its one thing to be reborn into a world of fiction, but its quite another to actually watch a piece of said fiction when your technically the main character of it!

I was so distracted by my existential crisis that I walked straight into a girl coming out of the loos, sending us both to the floor.

"Oops, sorry about that," I said, as I stood and offered the girl my hand, "Are you OK?"

"I'm fine," said the girl, accepting my offered help.

She looked my age, with bushy, brown hair pulled into a ponytail and dark brown eyes.

"Hey, weren't you the guy sat behind me?" she asked.

I blinked and realized that, yes, she was the girl from the family I'd almost spat my coke over.

"Ah, yes, I am," I said, "Harry Potter, nice to meet you."

The girls eyebrows shot up and she gave me a flat look. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I know, but I'm not joking," I said, "Thats really my name."

The girl sighed.

"Well, its not like I can say anything," she said, "Hermione Granger."

Shit.

"So, what did you think of the movie?" I asked.

"Eh, it was alright," she said, "Not the best in the series, but still enjoyable."

I nodded in agreement. I fully agreed, although that might have something to do with the fact I thought canon Harry was an idiot, not helped in the least by the fact I literally was Harry now.

"So, what do you think are the chances that we'll get Hogwarts letters next year?" I asked with a smirk.

"About as high as Scion trying to destroy the world," deadpanned Hermione.

I paused. Ohh dear, that wouldn't end well.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, "Anyway, I've gotta go, so…"

BOOM!

I jumped at the sudden sound of an explosion and nearly melted, before I realized that it was actually Hermione's phone going off.

"Sorry," she said as I glared at her.

She pulled out her phone and glanced at the screen, before paling.

"Sorry, but I gotta run," she said, "It was nice meeting you Harry!"

She ran off. I watched her go with a raised eyebrow. Well, that was suspicious. I glanced around and extended my sense through the shadows. Once I was sure I was alone, my body came apart and sank into the darkness. My essence slithered through the shadowy dimension my powers granted me access to, quickly locating Hermione and latching onto her shadow...just as she got into a PRT van. I quickly zipped away as she started getting changed, but I'd seen enough. It looked like little Hermione was a Cape and a member of the London Wards. I couldn't help it as an eager grin that crossed my face. I'd never hit the King's Men, mainly because they didn't really have anyone as impressive as the Protectorate, but now? Now I really hope their ready cus Geist is in town!

Luna Lovegood stuck her tongue out in concentration as she added the last few ingredients to the bubbling vat of green ooze that would serve as the birthing chamber for her latest creation. She wasn't entirely sure where the ideas and methods of bringing said ideas to life came from, but she really didn't care. All she knew was that working on her beloved creations helped to fill the void left by her Mothers death and made her heart ache a little less. True, some of her more...volatile creations had recently escaped, but they had been retrieved and were no chewing on the bars of their cages again while the PRT tried desperately to find where the monsters had come from. She wouldn't be making such dangerous monsters again until she was sure she could control them, but that was fine. This next creation was far less dangerous and much more adorable.

There was an explosion of green smoke as she dropped the last of the ingredients into her cauldron as the goo vaporized, filling the room with a green haze and the stench of rotting eggs. A few seconds later, it was all sucked back into the pot and vanished. Luna waited a few seconds, before reaching into the cauldron and lifting out a small, rabbit-like creature with light blue fur, big round eyes, floppy ears and a short, crumpled, bronze coloured horn emerging from its forehead.

The little creature stared up at its 'mother' as Luna carefully checked it over for any sign of imperfections that could become a problem later down the line. After a moment, she relaxed, having found none, before letting out a squeal and hugging the little creature to her chest.

"I'm gonna call you Reginald!" she said.

Reginald just twitched his nose in response.

Lily Potter was excited. It had been 10 years since she had last seen her eldest son and it was finally time to see him again. She still wasn't entirely pleased that James had handed Harry over to Dumbledore to keep safe, but she understood the logic. Brandon was the Boy-Who-Lived and that meant that he'd had the press hounding him from a very early age. Dumbledore had thought it best to separate the two boys so that Harry wouldn't be targeted by proxy and potentially grow up resenting his brother for the attention. That didn't mean she didn't miss him though and she was looking forwards to seeing him again.

Unfortunately, that excitement quickly turned to horror and rage when Dumbledore told her where he'd left her son.

"ARE YOU INSANE!?" thundered Lily, slamming both hands down on her old headmaster's desk, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING LEAVING HARRY AT MY SISTERS!?"

"Now Lily, I'm sure its not that bad," said Dumbledore.

"Albus, my sister HATES me!" yelled Lily, "She despises anything that doesn't fit her idea of normal! It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she…"

She trialed off as her anger bled away and was replaced by horror. She paled and nearly collapsed, her grip on the desk being the only thing keeping her up.

"Oh god, I bet she drowned him…" she whispered, "My baby…"

Dumbledore frowned.

"Now Lily, I'm sure she didn't do anything like that," he said, "He is family after all…"

He was cut off as Lily suddenly scowled and surged to her feet, punching him across the face.

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID OLD GOAT!" she roared, "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY SISTER AND HER PIG OF A HUSBAND ARE LIKE! IF THEY COULD GET AWAY WITH IT, THERE WOULD BE NOTHING TO STOP THEM FROM STARTING A FUCKING WITCH HUNT!"

She took a deep breath, shoving down her anger.

"Now, here's whats going to happen," she snarled, "We are going to go and get Harry from that place and if there's even a scratch on my boy, I'm going to make sure they go to prison for life. After that, you are going to get your nose out of mine and my children's business, no more trying to get me to go back to James and definitely no attempting to set my children up with ANYONE, especially not Molly's spawn. If James wants to let you use Brandon as your little puppet, fine, but I will NOT let you do the same with Rose or Harry."

Dumbledores eyes widened.

"Oh, you think I didn't know about that?" growled Lily, "Guess what old man, I'm not known as the brightest witch of the age because I'm good at school work and I'm certainly no delicate flower who stands back and does everything shes told."

She turned on her heel and marched towards the door. Before she left however, she paused and glanced back.

"Oh, and Dumbledore? If Harry's dead then nothing in this world will stop me from taking your head off."

She left the room, slamming the door hard enough to make it rattle on its hinges.

Dumbledore felt his stomach sink as he watched Lily leave. Ever since she had somehow survived the attack all those years ago, she had changed. She'd always been far to wilful for his taste and was far to intelligent to fall for his Grandfatherly act. He had hoped that being married to a good Pureblood husband would help make her more plient for his plans, but it hadn't helped. Just about the only thing she'd ever agreed to do without intense questioning was giving him Harry, but he was well aware of the fact that she had only done that because she was still dazed from the attack. Since then, she'd only become more independent and formidable, not helped in the least by the fact that any attempt to use computions to make her just a little more agreeable had slipped off her like water of a ducks back.

He'd been desperately hoping that he had been wrong, but now it seemed that his worst fear had been confirmed. That night, something Voldemort had done had corrupted Lily and now she was slipping into the Dark. The first sign was when she had left James, taking her daughter with her and things had only gone downhill from there. It pained him, but he knew he couldn't allow her to have any kind of influence over Harry, not if he wanted to guide the true Boy-Who-Lived to complete his destiny. The old man sighed deeply and stood, moving over to the fireplace where he threw some Floo powder into the flames.

"James, we need to talk," he said sadly.

Outside, Lily stalked out of the castle, shoving the main doors open with enough force that they bounced of the walls, before pushing off the ground hard enough to blast a crater in the magically strengthened stone. A moment later, Hogwarts was shaken by a sonic boom as she flew south as fast as she could.

After waking up from somehow surviving being hit by the Killing Curse, Lily had quickly discovered that she had gained powers from the experience. Despite the general Wizarding Worlds wilful ignorance of the fact that Capes were a thing (she still had no idea how that was possible after the Simurghs attack on London that had only been prevented from becoming another Switzerland thanks to her ability to generate a field that protected those under it from Master effects. She'd been unconscious for a week after that fight), she was not having never lost contact with her Muggle heritage and the fact her Father was the director of Britain's PRT. As a result, she had joined the Kings Men as the Phoenix, sometimes known as Britain's Alexandria. She thought that was a bit much as she was nowhere near as strong as the legendary hero, but there was no doubt that she was one of the stronger individuals that held an Alexandria package.

Of course, no one in her family, formerly or otherwise, were aware of what she actually did, with her Daughter believing that she worked for the Muggle government...which wasn't completely inaccurate. Of course, she doubted that her husband and son would actually care all that much considering both were much more interested in the fame and attention the Boy-Who-Lived received than actually being a good father and husband. Hell, the bastard hadn't even shown up to find out where his eldest had been for the past 10 years. It was that very thing that had made her divorce the arrogant bastard eight years ago after she had caught Brandon wrecking Rose's things and James had refused to do anything about it. That had been the last straw for her, clumlalating all the missed birthdays, the turning a blind eye to Brandon's bullying behaviour as meer pranks and the sheer amount of unmitigated spoiling that turned her happy baby boy into a self entitled, arrogant little toerag who was as bad, if not worse than Malfoy's brat. It certainly didn't help that James had regressed back into the arrogant, bullying asshole he'd been when they were in school.

Lily shook herself out of her revery as she reached Privet Drive and swooped down towards Number 4, switching on her aura as she did. While she was primarily an Alexandria Cape, with super strength, invulnerability and flight, she also had a Shaker ability that allowed her to generate a field that could protect everyone inside from unfriendly attacks. It didn't work on physical attacks, but energy, mental and even being noticed if she needed it were all possible. It was so powerful that it could even defend against Endbringer strength attacks, although that would put her out for the count for a while. Right now, she was using it to prevent her from being noticed by anyone in the street as she touched down and marched towards her sisters house. Despite being tempted to just kick the door down, she instead started banging on it.

"Petunia, get your ass out here!" she yelled.

No response. The red-head growled and was about to kick the door in, before a snooty voice stopped her.

"Excuse me, but are you looking for the Dursleys?"

She turned to see a middle aged woman with the look of a lifetime gossip about her.

"Yes, I am," said Lily, doing her best to reign in her irritation, "Are they here?"

The woman sniffed.

"I'd say not," she said, "They haven't lived there for nearly five years, not since that horrid nephew of theirs vanished and they were institutionalized."

Lily felt a cold shiver go up her spine. She had intentionally cut all ties to Petunia, which is probably why she never heard that Harry was with them in the first place, but still…

"Institutionalized?" she asked, "What happened?"

"Oh, it was horrible," said the woman with a tone that said she thought it was anything but, "No ones sure what happened, only that all three of the Dursleys were found completely braindead. No one could figure out what happened, only that it had to be the work of a Cape."

Lily swallowed.

"What about their Nephew?" she asked, "What about Harry?"

The woman snorted.

"Oh, hes gone somewhere," she said dismissively, "Good riddance to the brat."

Lily ruthlessly suppressed the urge to punch the woman's head of her shoulders at her dismissive tone. Just what had her sister done? Probably spread vicious rumors about Harry being a criminal knowing her. Either way, that was irrelevant.

"Who lives there now?" asked Lily, curious as to why no one answered her banging.

"I have no idea," said the woman, "The current owner's never there. I think they're holding onto it for tax reasons or something? They bought it soon after it was repossessed."

Lily frowned and thanked the woman, who continued on her way. She didn't feel like thanking her though. She had no idea where her son could be, but if her sisters family had been broken so easily completely, it sounded like he could be in the hands of a Master...or else he had been the one to do it. The idea of her son Tiggering because of her Sister made her fury rise again, but she ruthlessly shoved it back down. Now wasn't the time to lose control. She needed to see if there were any clues inside. If it had been bought by someone and never used, there might be some clues she could find.

She quickly reactivated her Aura and pulled out her wand, unlocking the door and slipping inside. The house looked pretty much like she'd expected considering it had been abandoned for at least five years, with dust and cobwebs everywhere. It was also pretty empty, clearly having been emptied by someone of the Dursleys possessions. The red-headed Cape raised her wand and started casting detection spells, only for it to come back with some extremely odd results. She did however find that there were some remains of Harry in the cupboard under the stairs. She immediately wenched the door open, ignoring the splintering wood, and felt her heart clench when she saw the large puddle of long dried blood staining the threadbare blanket and thin mattress inside the tiny space.

"Damn you Petunia," she hissed, "You should be glad that whatever got you did before I did."

She slammed the door (causing it to shatter into splinters) and continued with her search of the house. Her magical scans were useless, but when she entered the kitchen, she found something rather odd. Sitting on the table was a letter addressed to 'Albus too-many-names Bumblefuck'. Lily frowned. Who could have left a letter addressed to Dumbledore here? Was it the person who had Harry? With few other choices, Lily picked up the letter, after checking for traps of course, and opened it.

Dear Bumblefuck,

HI, its HARRY! You know, the kid you condemned to suffer at the hands of a family of subhuman creatures who I would happily feed to Nilbog? Or hand over to Bonesaw? Bet you have no idea who those are, but whatever.

I'm writing this letter on the off chance you actually bother to check up on me before I receive my Hogwarts letter to inform you that I've already slipped your leash. I cannot and will not be controlled by a senile old man with delusions of grandeur. If you try, I'll disappear so quickly it'll make your head spin and steal everything of even remote value in your office while I'm at it. I will then proceed to send you death threats by carrier pigeon daily so as to instil as much fear as I can as if basting a turkey, which I will then proceed to have sex with.

Thats right, I'm going to fuck the fear turkey!

Follow me on Twitter theSHADOWF*CKER!

Sincerely, Harry Potter.

PS, if it is instead one of my parents reading this instead of Bumblefuck and they want to explain why the fuck they thought it was a good idea to hand me over to the senile old goat buggerer, get in touch on PHO at theSHADOWF*UCKER or on Twitter at the above handle.

Lily stared down at the letter as she tried to decide if she should be amused, horrified at the language, enraged at the idea of the Dursleys treating her son badly enough that he'd willingly hand them over to the likes of Nilbog and Bonesaw or confused as to how he could know so much about the Wizarding World. Eventually, she decided that she'd hold of on deciding on a reaction until she saw her son. Instead, she walked out of the back door and once again took off, this time heading home, completely unaware of the fact that her former husband and headmaster had just apparated into the front garden.

And with that, I'm done. Well, that was certainly interesting, wasn't it? Not only did we get to see what Harry's getting up to, but we also got a glimpse into his powers and an additional three Capes!

I'm not actually sure what power I'm going to give Hermione yet, but I'm thinking a Thinker of some kind. My working idea is that she acts as tactical support for the Wards team shes apart of and has an additional power that allows her to create a moving map of an area to help with tactical planning. Suggestions welcome!

Luna's easier. Shes a Biotinker/Master who can create imaginary creatures. Her powers similar to Nilbogs, except her creations can't reproduce and are not sentient. She can also get her biomass from just about anywhere she pleases.

Lily...oh Lily, how far you've come! She started off as exactly what she told Dumbledore she wasn't, a meek, obedient wife for James and shes turned into British Alexandria with a dash of Glory Girl thrown in for good measure. Her Shaker power came from her ritual to protect her children binding to her Shard.

Why did I include the fact that Aleph actually does have the HP books and movies, despite the fact Bet doesn't for obvious reasons? Why the hell not? This is gonna be crack after all...well, it will be once I get going.

Well, I did say that Harry would spend a lot of time channeling Alucard, so is anyone in the least bit surprised by his letter to Dumbles?

And with that, I'm done! Don't forget to leave a review on the way out!