Outsider Chronicles: An Outsiders Bizarre Adventure

So, I died and got reborn into a world of crazy people with superpowers from parasitic aliens out to destroy the world. I thought that was strange, but after finding a creepy stone mask in the attic, I've discovered that my family history is even more bizarre than anything this world can come up with. Oh well, at least my ancestor finished the job with the crazy Vampire...right?

Well...this will be interesting. I admit that I've never got around to watching Jojo, but since I'm now doing it, I figure I might as well take what I know, add a few bits from the Wiki and write this. Due to differences in the timeline, consider everything after 1982 and the appearance of Scion to be up in the air as far as Jojo is concerned. After all, while Ripple and Stand Users can and will make an appearance, the addition of Parahumans will have changed things around. That said, Stardust Crusaders did happen. Anything else is up for debate, although since none of them happen anywhere near Brockton Bay (cus where else would it be set?), I don't really think its that relevant. Ironically enough, its the Worm side that will be more AU than the Jojo side. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

You know, there are few things more strange than waking up as a baby. At least, thats what I would have said before this mess got started. Now I consider that to be one of the less bizarre things to happen in my life. Frankly, I really should have seen some of it coming considering what my name is, but in my defence, I was pretty sure that Parahumans and Endbringers were the most dangerous things ever to grace this world. I had no idea about the many insane and over dramatic nutcases my ancestors had fought.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. For my first few years, life seemed normal, just an ordinary little boy living with his single mother in downtown Brockton Bay where she ran a small sweet shop that had been in the family since the City had been founded. We weren't mega well off, but Mum made enough to get by and my Dad (who I had never met) occasionally sent helpful and rather fat cheques which certainly helped. I had no idea who the man was, but at least he wasn't a complete deadbeat. I had to wonder what he did, but at the end of the day, I guess it didn't really matter that much. I'd never met him and Mum never mentioned him, other than to tell me that I was apparently named after my great something Grandfather who had been the first of the family to come to America. Well, kind of. He actually died on the trip over, but that was just semantics. To be completely honest, I should have seen something off about that particular bit of family history considering a few key facts about me, but in my defence, how was I ever supposed to see something like that coming?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Again. The day that shit hit the fan started like any other, with the only slightly unusual thing being the history trip to the local museum that had been planned. The trip to the museum was because we were currently studying the Aztecs and it had recently got a new exhibit from a dig in Mexico. Normally, I'd be eager to go, but as is standard for school trips, we'd all been assigned partners and mine was…

"Come on Jojo, don't look so down!"

I groaned and hit my head against the window. Diego, my own personal nemesis. The guy was INCREDIBLY annoying. He wasn't a bad guy by any stretch of the imagination and could be fun to be around, but he was a class clown that made Dennis look positively mature and that stupid nickname he'd given me back in Elementary school when we first met and somehow managed to stick with me till now certainly didn't help. And the idiot was my best friend.

"I'm not down, I'm thinking," I grumbled, "And would you please stop calling me Jojo?"

My protests were more for tradition at this point since I knew that Diego would never, ever stop. The blonde annoyance just grinned, flashing a mouth full of pure white teeth as he slung an arm over my shoulders.

"Awww, ya shouldnt think so much," he said, "It'll give you gray hairs."

My eye twitched, which only got worse when the sound of muffled snickering filtered through from the seat behind me. I turned my head to glare at the smirking girl, who didn't look in the least bit bothered by my irritation.

"Oh, don't give me that look Jojo," she said, "Diego has a point."

"Zip it Panpan," I growled.

The grin immediately vanished and was replaced with a glare. The girl in question was, as you might have guessed, Panacea, but she wasn't the depressed, overworked girl from canon. Instead, she was happy, mentally healthy and not weighed down by insecurities and angst. Why not you ask? Well, that would be because of a change that I honestly can't figure out how it happened because it had nothing to do with me. Marquis wasn't a Villain. In fact, he was the CEO of a massive, global organization with fingers in every pie imaginable, including, ironically enough, New Wave. I remember the first time I realized that change back when New Wave started out and saw them unmasking on TV while announcing their association with the SWF. The image of Brandish shaking hands with Marquis was one that never failed to make me either laugh at the irony or get a headache over trying to figure out what had changed.

Anyway, I think it goes without saying that Amelia Lavere was a lot more stable than Amy Dallon could ever be, even if she did share her powers and a rather intense crush on Vicky that she (rather badly) tried to hide. Still, you wouldn't ever find me complaining about the change because it meant I didn't have to figure out a way to help her.

"Don't call me that!" snapped Amy (which she prefered over Amelia for reasons I'd never found out).

"Than don't call me Jojo!" I snapped back.

For a moment, we glared at each other, before all three of us burst out laughing. Ah, the innocence of those days...how I miss it.

15 minutes later, we arrived at the museum and followed Mr Edwards, the history teacher, into the building where we were met by a fakely cheerful tour guide. I mostly ignored the vast majority of the tour, being both not really interested and familiar with the museums current exhibits. It was a popular day out destination after all and I'd been here more than a few times with my Mother.

Eventually, we reached something new and interesting, namly the new Aztec exhibit. I listened with half an ear to the guide as he explained the various theories and bits of information the academic world had gathered from the bits and bobs that had been unearthed in a hidden temple that had been discovered in a well hidden valley in the mountains. Most of it seemed to have something to do with a previously unknown cult dedicated to an equally unknown group of Gods who were depicted as horned Humanoids, as revealed by a rather impressive mural that was hanging in place of honour in a glass case. In fact, it seemed oddly familiar in its depiction.

I moved closer to take a closer look, but was distracted by what was in the case below the mural. I took a closer look and froze, utter shock and disbelief freezing my mind in place. It contained four stone masks that, according to the information provided, were used in sacrificial rituals. To be fair, that wasn't entirely inaccurate, but death would be the last thing that awaited whoever put on one of those things. Well, so long as they never caught a sunrise that is. Suddenly, a lot of things were falling into place that I really, REALLY didn't want to think about.

My mothers story about my namesake, my own nickname, the name of the company Marquis ran, the ability I had no idea how I could use…I took a breath and watched as golden energy rippled across my fingertips. Well shit, this could end badly. And I suddenly feel like an even bigger idiot than Diego acted half the time...oh shit!

My head snapped around to stare at my friend, who was idly examining a case full of obsidian knives. He caught me looking and cocked his head on one side.

"What?" asked Diego Brando.

"Nothing," I said, my voice slightly shaky.

Diego eyed me for a second longer, before shrugging and going back to the knives. I took a deep breath and turned back to the masks, trying to decide if I should leave them, try and warn someone or break in tonight and introduce the bloody things to a sledgehammer. I did NOT want to see what a Vampire could do in this world. God only knows what would happen if a Parahuman got their hands on a Mask and used it. The idea was enough to make me break out into a cold sweat. Fortunately, I don't think its very likely that anyone knew what the Masks could do.

As if Murphy decided that I needed a good ass kicking, at that moment, a massive explosion shook the museum and the sounds of screams and shouting, followed by a short burst of gunfire. The guide and teacher jumped into action with the air of people far to used to this kind of thing and started herding us towards the doors so we could try and get out. Before we could leave however, a group of thugs in ABB colours, armed with automatic weapons appeared and herded us back into the room as their apparent boss came walking boldy after them as if she owned the place.

I narrowed my eyes. What was Bakuda doing here? The ABB didn't deal in stolen relics, not when they could make money far easier on drugs and protection rackets, not to mention their slavery rings, and Lung didn't seem like the type to be interested in old relics, nor did Bakuda. Plus, even if someone was interested in them, wouldn't they be after Asian relics, not Aztecs? That was how crazy Supervillains worked, right?

The mad bomber barely gave us poor hostages a second look as she headed across the room towards the case holding the Stone Masks and, with every step she took, I felt my heart sink. No, she couldn't actually be here for them, could she? Where would she even find out about the Masks? She wouldn't actually be crazy enough to use them, would she? Actually, what am I thinking, of course she is! Shes certainly arrogant enough to chase immortality. Makes me wonder if she actually knew everything that came with using the Masks considering she attacked in daylight.

By this point, Bakuda had reached the case containing the Masks and pulled what looked like a photo out of her pocket. She glanced between the picture and the mask a few times.

"There you are," she said, her grating voice carrying across the room.

Well, that was interesting. And worrying. Bakuda hefted her grenade launcher and used the butt to smash the case, ignoring the alarm that immediately started screaming as she pulled a vile full of red liquid out of her pocket and let a few drops fall onto one of the Masks. Much to my complete lack of resigned surprise, it shook and sprouted its spikes.

"Whats she doing?" hissed Diego in my ear.

"Something very very bad," I muttered as I scanned the room.

For some reason, there wasn't any windows in this room, which would make fighting her if she did Vamp herself a pain in the neck (no pun intended). It didn't help that my control over my newly realized Hamon was shaky at best. I wasn't entirely sure how a Vampire would stack up against a Parahuman, but I'd still rather not find out. That sort of fight would likely be messy.

Bakuda started laughing as she picked up one of the other masks. It wasn't a nice laugh and sounded like it would be more at home coming out of the Joker. Even through the heavy synthesization of the Mad Bombers mask, the mad glee was clear to hear. Even the ABB thugs looked a tad worried as their boss laughed maniacally, her hands held out and clawed and her back bent at an angel only seen in a Jojo Anime...shit.

"Why does she sound like she just come up with a way to kill the Batman?" asked Diego, no looking extremely nervous.

Before I could respond with something sarcastic, Bakuda turned on her heel and pointed at our cowering group.

"Feel honoured presents!" she sneered with enough ham to stock a Subway for a year and do Dio proud, "For you are about to witness the birth of the new ruler of this pathetic city!"

I raised an eyebrow. Considering it was noon and an extremely sunny day outside, I had my doubts about that. Messy or not, a fight between a Vampire and a Parahuman would inevitably move from this room and most of the others had very large windows.

There was a startled intake of breath as Bakuda ripped her mask off, revealing a face that would be attractive if it wasn't for the manic look in her eyes, and slapped the Stone Mask on instead. She tilted her head back and emptied the vile over it. There was a snap and she went rigid as a brilliant light shone from the mask and the spikes did their thing.

"This...will not end well," I muttered.

Well, that was a thing. So, I changed a few things around, ranging from Marquis being a good guy and in charge of the Speedwagon Foundation, there are still a few Masks laying around and apparently theres another Brando running around.

Before anyone asks, Diego will actually be part of Jojo's group and has no relation to the hammy Vampire. He does look like young Dio though and will likely have either the World or a variation of Scary Monsters. Not sure yet. He won't figure out the Timestop for a while if I do give him the World though.

Bakuda certainly seems like the type who'd both jump at the chance to become immortal and be hammy enough to fit right into the Jojo universe, even if I will be trying to keep the ham to a minimum. If only for my own sanity.

This Jojos a bit of a throwback because he's got his Grandfathers talent with Hamon and a Stand, which he will unlock a bit later on.

Speaking of Stands, since I'm not really that into music, I'm instead going to be naming any original Stands I create after mythological figures. I also need some suggestions for possible Stands for Amy, the Undersiders and possible some of the Wards. Depends on who I decide to add to this Joestar group. So far I have Taylor, Diego and Amy.

In terms of the Timeline, I'm not actually sure when this is set yet. I'm going to see what kind of reception it gets before I solidify it, but its definitely not long before the start of Canon.

Anyway, I'm done. Next time, Jojo vs a Vamperized Bakuda! Now that should be fun! Until then, don't forget to leave a review!