Ain't No Mountain High Enough
"Are you judging my home, you classist jerk?"
"I really don't have the time for this..."
*clink*
"What was that?" TK perked his head up.
"It's nothing. Crackheads like to fight in front of the house all of the time, it's no big deal," Elecmon dismissively waved his hand.
"Are you sure? Because that sounds like a pretty big deal to me," Patamon winced.
"Is it safe for the babies to be somewhere where stuff like that happens?" TK jerked his thumb at the living room window.
"As if I have a choice where we get to live. All we can do is make the best out of what we got. Why don't we head to the backyard? I just had it fixed up a couple of months ago and the babies could use some fresh air," Elecmon started gathering babies up in his stubby arms.
"I suppose that wouldn't be a bad idea," TK forced a smile.
"Alright, I got most of the tykes, if you wouldn't mind collecting the Poyomon, and I'll meet you back there," Elecmon said.
"Got it," TK stiffly nodded, picking up his white blobby creature as they made their way to the backyard.
"Wow, this is really nice! I wouldn't have expected something like this judging from the front of the house," Patamon admired the fancy playground and neatly-landscaped backyard.
"Thanks! I wanted to create almost a secret oasis away from all of the nonsense in the streets. Come, explore and enjoy- I didn't renovate all of this for nothing," Elecmon threw his hands up in the air.
"Thanks. I think we will," TK flashed an awkward smile as he carried the baby in his arms.
"TK, are you still worried about the babies?" Patamon asked.
"Hah, what makes you say that?" TK nervously laughed.
"It's written all over your face," Patamon frowned.
"Oh. I guess I can't put anything past you, huh?" TK remarked.
"I'm smart, so duh," Patamon smirked.
"You got me, I am worried. I don't feel comfortable leaving little Steve here in this sketchy neighborhood, even if the backyard is nice," TK cradled the Poyomon in his arms.
"Who's Steve?" Patamon asked.
"This guy! I named him Steve," TK proudly held up the Poyomon.
"Yeah, you didn't have to give him a name. He already has one- it's Poyomon," Patamon shook his head.
"You're no fun. I'm still calling him Steve anyways. I'm technically his mother, so I should name him whatever I want," TK turned his nose up in the air.
"Digimon aren't supposed to have parents, that's just not how it works," Patamon huffed.
"Man, can you lighten up? I'm just trying to take my mind off of the fact that my baby's nursery is in the middle of a rundown neighborhood. What if crackheads try to break into the house and hurt the babies, huh?" TK tensed up.
"Oh, it's not the crackheads you'll have to worry about..."
"That voice sounds very familiar...," TK froze in place.
"And not in a good way. Should we turn around?" Patamon gulped.
"Don't bother, you won't have the time," Leomon pulled out a sword and slowly scraped it along TK's spine.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing, you musclehead?!" Tai shouted.
"Yeah! Back off, you asshole! Only I'm allowed to hurt my brother!" Matt stood up on Garurumon's back.
"Gee, thanks...," TK muttered under his breath.
"No problem!" Matt triumphantly smiled.
"Come on, Leomon! Going after a weak target? That's not very demure, not very mindful," Greymon tackled Leomon.
"Did he just call me weak?" TK frowned.
"Shut up and hide somewhere," Patamon hissed.
"Uh, what the hell is going on and WHY ARE THEY DESTROYING MY BACKYARD?!" Elecmon screamed.
"Uh, so there's these bad guys and I guess they're kinda mad at us because we want to bring TVs back to the digital world," TK hid behind a tree.
"What?" Elecmon made a face.
"It's a lot to take in, just don't worry about it!" Patamon yelled.
"What do you mean don't worry about it?! You worry about crackheads when you have dangerous digimon follow you around?! What is the matter with you?!" Elecmon screamed.
"Nova Blast!" Greymon spit out a ball of fire.
"Fist of the Beast King!" Leomon swung his fist, causing a tree branch to snap off and break.
"Waaaahhh!" all the babies started crying.
"Look, all the babies are getting upset now!" Elecmon huffed.
"Hurry, we need to get them inside, to safety!" TK started gathering up the babies.
"Watch out for those black gears! They're really bad!" Patamon pointed at the sky.
"Oh shit...," everyone stared as the black gears flew in the sky.
"Oomph!" Leomon grunted, the black gears fusing themselves into him and causing him to get bigger.
"Uh, I think we could use some reinforcements right about now," Garurumon nervously said.
"Heh, reinforcements are coming...just not for you," Ogremon popped up from behind a tree and hopped onto the fighting scene.
"Ugh, this guy too? He's even more annoying!" Greymon groaned.
"Excuse me?" Ogremon's lip trembled for a second before he went back to normal. "You want annoying, I'll show you annoying!"
"Watch out!" Garurumon pushed Greymon out of the way.
"Yeah, listen to your wolf friend, you overgrown lizard! Fist of the Beast King!" Leomon shot a beam of fire from his fist and knocked Greymon and Garurumon out cold.
"Hey! There was a party and we weren't invited?" Kabuterimon buzzed.
"Isn't that rude?" Togemon bumped her fists together.
"Whoa, aren't we glad to see you guys!" Tai exclaimed.
"For once...," Matt smirked.
"Guys, point your iPod nanos towards Leomon and Ogremon!" Izzy yelled.
"Huh? Why?" Tai pulled out his iPod nano and held it like a remote control.
"No! Face the screen towards them!" Mimi tapped on the front side of her iPod.
"Uh...," Tai and Matt looked at each other.
"Goddammit, do it just like she said! Trust us!" Izzy snapped.
"Okay...," Matt shrugged and shoved his iPod nano in Leomon's face. "Check out my outdated piece of junk!"
"Arrrgh! What the hell is the matter with you?!" Leomon swatted his hand away.
"Whoa!" Matt jumped back.
"Keep doing it!" Izzy pointed his iPod nano towards Ogremon.
"Ugh! I'm out of here!" Ogremon climbed up a tree, hopped to the top of the roof and leaped away.
"That worked?" Tai raised an eyebrow.
"Keep pointing!" Izzy commanded.
"Okay!" Matt huffed as he struggled to keep his iPod nano in Leomon's face.
"You can't get away from this!" Mimi haughtily held her iPod nano up.
"Holy crap, what's going on? Leomon's shrinking!" Tai gasped.
"I can't explain how, but our iPod nanos can destroy the effects of the black gears," Izzy said.
"No shit...," Tai said in awe.
"Wow, I feel so hungover...," Leomon rubbed his head.
"Leomon? Hi...do you want to kill us?" Mimi awkwardly tiptoed towards him.
"What? Why would I do that?" Leomon said. "Oh, and what happened here? This place looks like a wreck!"
"Uh, you did all of this! You tore up my nursery chasing after these kids, and for what?!" Elecmon barked.
"Elecmon, be careful! He's a bad guy...," TK chased after Elecmon.
"Me a bad guy? No! Not even in the slightest!" Leomon gasped.
"Then why were you and Ogremon following us and trying to kill us?" Tai asked.
"What? Me working with Ogremon? I hate that guy!" Leomon grunted.
"Guys, Leomon was corrupted by the black gears. He probably doesn't remember anything he did while he was controlled by them!" Izzy reminded them.
"You mean those black gears that were flying around the sky?" Elecmon said.
"Yeah! This really bad guy Devimon is using them to control digimon so they can turn evil and sign up for an expensive membership at his gym, and get rid of all of the TVs and phones so that all you guys are allowed to do in your free time is exercise!" Mimi exclaimed.
"Seriously? You couldn't explain that to me?" Elecmon shot TK and Patamon a dirty look.
"I mean at the time, it seemed like a lot to explain," TK shrugged.
"Oh, that's not even Devimon's real master plan. Come around in a circle everyone," Leomon twirled his finger around.
"Oooh, are we going to have a story time?" Tai rubbed his hands together.
"Something like that," Leomon wiggled his fingers. "Now, this Devimon is no joke. Sure, this plan to hypnotize everyone to join his stupid gym is pretty messed up, but it's honestly a distraction from the bigger scheme."
"A distraction? What could be more evil than what he's doing now?" Matt slapped his hands on his knees.
"You see, there's a prophecy that a group of Digidestined were meant to come here and save the digital world from total destruction," Leomon dramatically said.
"And that's where we come in?" Izzy asked.
"Hahahahah, are you joking? You guys?" Leomon laughed.
"What's so funny? Isn't that why we're here?" Tai clenched his jaw.
"Not everything is about you! In fact, I don't even know how you guys even ended up here. Either way, you're screwing things up and it's best you guys find your way home," Leomon made a face.
"Wait, so if we're not the 'Digidestined', who are they?" Tai asked.
"Is it those kids I saw on the train in Shibu-"
"Hah hah, you're funny! Shut. Up...," Izzy covered Mimi's mouth and hissed in her ear.
"Oh, they're an incredible group of kids that are destined to be Legendary Warriors. While you guys bring nothing but destruction in your paths, these guys are rebuilding and repairing everything they touch by restoring fractal codes to their original and pure forms," Leomon said.
"Wow, don't they sound super cool!" Matt rolled his eyes.
"Come on, don't be salty. Name one time where you didn't destroy a place you stopped by," Leomon crossed his arms.
"There was the...nope," Tai bit his lip.
"How about the...oh," Matt winced.
"There was the...oops," Mimi blushed.
"Or the..huh," TK cocked his head to the side.
"Alright, so you might have a point, Leomon. But then why did we end up in the digital world if we're not the Digidestined?" Izzy shook his head in frustration.
"I don't know. Maybe you were called on for a specific purpose? Obviously not to save the world- you guys don't even have superpowers," Leomon scoffed.
"I think we were meant to defeat Devimon! He's the reason why we don't have TVs anymore! Wouldn't it be nice to watch Real Housewives of any city at this point again?" Patamon sighed.
"You guys defeating Devimon? That's your funeral," Leomon grimaced.
"But we have these! The Centaurmon said that these devices were preservers of light and the last line of defense against darkness," Mimi held up her iPod nano.
"That has to account for something, no?" Izzy raised an eyebrow.
"That Centaurmon is a drunk. I think he just means they're flashlights," Leomon shook his head.
"He is a lush," Elecmon said disapprovingly.
"But we shone the iPod nanos in your face and you went back to normal!" Tai exclaimed.
"Hey, would you like to have a bright light shone all up in your face?" Leomon snarled.
"Uh...I guess not," Matt scooted back.
"Look, I have no idea how you guys ended up here, but let the Legendary Warriors do their job. I think it would be better for everyone if you just found your way back home," Leomon sighed.
"But isn't that what an evil guy would say?" Tai rubbed his chin.
"If I was evil, we wouldn't be talking right now," Leomon furrowed his eyebrows and flashed his teeth.
"Good point," Tai nervously laughed.
"So where do we go from here?" Izzy frowned.
"I don't know, but home? Where did you guys first come from? I'd start there," Leomon said.
"I guess we should. This was a good run we had," TK sighed.
"We probably should find Sora and Joe first though," Izzy said.
"That's a good call," Matt said.
"Alright. I guess we should make our way back home then, if some other cool group of kids are going to save the day and not us," Matt mockingly said.
"Don't take it personally. Look, what sounds better? A bunch of mean junkies saving the world, or a bunch of young, optimistic outcasts with potential saving the world?" Leomon scoffed.
"I'm guessing we're not the young, optimistic outcasts, are we?" TK asked.
"We're not junkies! We just happened to be at a retreat for them...," Mimi groaned.
"Yeah, that's what they all say," Leomon raised an eyebrow. "Look, this is an event that will be recorded in history books for the rest of time, so I hope you can see why the optics are very important here. In fact, the Legendary Warriors have a keeper of books accompanying them on their journey for a first-hand account," Leomon said.
"Okay, keep rubbing it in on how much cooler these guys are than us," Tai huffed.
"Come on, let's just go," Izzy snapped his fingers.
"Aww, I'm gonna miss you Steve. Don't forget about me," TK hugged the Poyomon and handed him to Elecmon. "Please take really good care of him for me."
"I will," Elecmon nodded.
"I'll stay back and help you repair this. I feel partly responsible for the damages here," Leomon looked over at Elecmon.
"Partly?" Elecmon frowned.
"Hey, I'm going to lend a helping hand," Leomon said.
"Come on then, we got a lot of work to do!" Elecmon motioned Leomon to follow him.
Meanwhile...
*whoosh*
"What the hell?" Joe looked up at the sky to see a multitude of black gears coming from the peak of the mountain.
"Ugh, we need to put a stop to this, otherwise these things will continue to sprout out of nowhere," Sora huffed.
"Or from the top of that mountain," Ikkakumon said.
"Yes, from the top of that mountain...," Sora blankly said.
"If that's where they're possibly coming from, maybe we should head up there," Joe shrugged.
"But what about everyone else? Do you think we can handle it on our own?" Sora rubbed her chin.
"We escaped a fitness cult, I don't see why we can't do this," Joe said.
"I guess you're right. Let's move it," Sora nodded.
"Damn, how much more of this mountain do we have to climb?" Tai grumbled.
"Kabuterimon, help a brother out! Can't we all just ride off of you?" Matt asked.
"No can do! I can't carry all of you on my back. I need to preserve my strength in case of an emergency," Kabuterimon said.
"Geez, do we all have to be completely useless in order to ride on Kabuterimon?" Tai muttered.
"Come on, consider it a compliment that I think you're competent enough to take care of yourselves," Izzy smirked.
"What did you say?" TK turned around.
"It's nothing, just keep holding onto Kabuterimon," Izzy dismissively said.
"Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough baby...," TK belted out.
"Shut up! This isn't the time to goof off, we're supposed to kick that Devimon's ass!" Matt huffed.
"Didn't you hear what Leomon said? We're supposed to go straight home. Isn't that why we're going up this mountain? To find Sora and Joe first?" Izzy asked.
"But if we come across Devimon...we'll have to kick his ass, right? He wants to get rid of us, it's all self-defense," Tai shrugged.
"I dunno, I feel like maybe we should let the Legendary Warriors take care of this," TK raised an eyebrow.
"Oh yeah? What if they don't make it on time? I don't know about you, but I'm not going to sit around and wait for some stupid kids to save us," Tai pressed his lips together.
"You guys sit around already...," Greymon grumbled under his breath.
"But you guys fight back! And we help you digivolve!" Mimi exclaimed.
"Really? Do you? Or is it all coincidence?" Patamon hummed.
"You're just mad because you still haven't digivolved, you pipsqueak!" Mimi huffed.
"Guys, can you not argue on my back? It's weird and I can't focus on flying," Kabuterimon said.
"Fine," Mimi and Patamon turned their noses up in the air.
"Well, here we are. Top of Candy Mountain, Charlie," Matt hopped off of Garurumon.
"Oh, you're going to wish this was Candy Mountain by the time I'm done with you. Your kidneys aren't the only thing I'll rip out from your bodies," Devimon evilly appeared from the shadows.
"Holy Batman! What are you doing here?!" Tai gasped.
"Joe, look!" Sora yelled, hanging off from Birdramon's leg.
"Hey guys! I can't believe we found you!" Joe ran up to everyone.
"Uh, this is awesome and all, but as you can see here, why don't we hold off the reunion until later?" Izzy slid off of Kabuterimon.
"I see...," Joe gulped.
"Goody, I have the whole gang here! I've been expecting all of you," Devimon advanced towards the group.
"Guys, let's grab some cover!" Matt shouted.
"It's nice to see you again. Too bad it won't be for long! Nova Blast!" Greymon spit out a ball of fire and aimed at Devimon.
"Hah, is that the best you've got?" Devimon swatted away the ball of fire.
"Please, we've only just started! Howling Blaster!" Garurumon attacked next.
"Oooh, I barely felt a thing," Devimon mockingly pouted.
"You'll feel this! Needle Spray!" Togemon shot out cactus needles from her body.
"You know that attack is nothing more than annoying! I'd choke your lights out, but you don't have a neck!" Devimon snarled.
"Not that we'll give you the chance! Electro Shocker!" Kabuterimon flung a ball of electricity towards Devimon.
"Meteor Wing!" Birdramon flapped her wings, flinging flames in Devimon's direction.
"Harpoon Torpedo!" Ikkakumon shot a missle from his horn.
"Hmph, I let you all have your little fun, but it's my turn now," Devimon smirked as he pushed everyone's attacks back towards them.
"Oh my God, how did he do that?" Mimi whispered.
"He's evil, that's how! He's got to be cheating!" Tai hissed.
"Death Hand!" Devimon swung his hand, causing all the digimon to fall back and transform back into their original forms.
"Oh my god, Biyomon!" Sora gasped.
"Now that you're all rookies again, you can't get in my way. I only came to do one thing and one thing only," Devimon grew larger and plucked TK and Patamon from the ground.
"Hey, let go of them, you knockoff Batman or I'll... I'll throw rocks at you!" Matt threatened.
"Ohh, like that will do anything. You see what I did with your little digimon friends here? I'll do even worse with these guys in my hand. I just want to grab them in my hand and crush them like a stress ball...," Devimon closed his fist.
"Hey! Cut it out, that really hurts!" TK screamed.
"I'm sorry, I can squeeze tight-ow! What the hell?!" Devimon opened his hand and shook it. A yellow light shone from TK's iPod nano and hit Patamon.
"Patamon digivolve to Angemon!"
"Holy shit...," everyone gasped.
"That's a digimon?" Matt pointed at Angemon.
"Yeah, why?" Gabumon asked.
"I think I just had my first gay awakening, and I'm totally straight," Matt covered his mouth.
"Sure you are...," Izzy snorted.
"Oh my gosh, I wonder what his hair care routine is. His hair is so beautiful," Mimi gasped.
"I was thinking the same thing," Sora sighed.
"Hair care? Psh, I want to know his workout routine," Tai scoffed.
"Guys, I know Patamon's transformation is very... hard to put into words, but we're still in the middle of a dangerous fight," Joe cleared his throat.
"Also, you guys are making me uncomfortable with the way you're talking about him. He's still Patamon at the end of the day...," TK frowned.
"Yeah bitch, I digivolved. Is this what you were scared of? Little ole me?" Angemon flipped his hair.
"Hah, you wish!" Devimon growled.
"You're just mad because I'll destroy you and bring ultimate peace back to the digital world!" Angemon stood up straight.
*beeeeeep*
"Guys, our iPod nanos are glowing," Sora pulled her iPod out.
"What do we do?" Tai asked.
"Hold them up towards me. I can handle the light," Angemon smiled.
"Roger," Izzy nodded.
"You really have some nerve showing up here," Devimon heaved.
"No, I think you have some nerve trying to be manipulative, and for what? Money? Money that you can't take with you when you die?" Angemon scoffed.
"Dying? You can't be talking about me!" Devimon smirked.
"You're right. We're talking way too much when we could jump right into action. Hand of Fate!" Angemon flexed his arm and a strong beam of light radiated through his fist. "Eat this, bitch!"
"What the- hey, that's not fai...oh, maybe it is. Look at youuuuu!" Devimon cackled as he started to disintegrate.
"Angemon, you're disappearing!" TK gasped.
"I'm sorry, TK. I hope you can understand. We completed the mission, we did it...," Angemon smiled at him.
"But at what cost?" TK dropped to his knees.
"Well, we saved the digital world from this evil guy's plan, and we don't have to hear or see his bitch ass anymore," Angemon winked.
"WRONG! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!" Devimon taunted Angemon. "You guys haven't even begun to scratch the surface here! I'm pretty merciful compared to the characters you opened this world up to now! There's digimon who are actually more evil than me, and you idiots just opened up a whole new can of worms! If you just left things the way they were and just minded your business, the digital world wouldn't be up for grabs by the next power-hungry lunatic! I hope getting your TVs and internet back is worth all of this trouble, bravo! Oh, and by the way, I'm not a bitch ass!"
"Hmmm...," Angemon frowned.
"Bravo, bravo! Too bad I won't be around to see the chaos brew up, but maybe it's better that way. I hate when I'm not the one running the show. Suck my nuts, bitch!" Devimon stuck out his tongue and flipped Angemon off before completely disappearing.
"Angemon! Will I ever see you again?" TK whimpered.
"Soon, I promise. Goodbye, TK...," Angemon slowly disintegrated into thin air. A pile of feathers fell from where he formerly stood and transformed into a digi-egg.
"Patamon!" TK ran up to the digi-egg and frantically rubbed it. "Patamon! Please be you!"
"TK!" Matt ran up to him and wrapped his arms around him.
"Careful with that! You'll break it if you're too rough!" Biyomon stood by TK's side.
"Oh, this is too sad. Somebody hold me!" Mimi buried her head in Izzy's chest.
"Sure, I'll do it...," Izzy awkwardly patted her.
"Wow, I didn't know digimon could actually die...," Sora mumbled.
"Kinda makes me think twice about fighting again," Gomamon said.
"You heard what Batman said. We got our TVs and internet back. We did what we had to do, we're good now, right?" Agumon said.
"Weren't you guys paying attention? He also said there's more dangerous digimon out there with more evil plans than what he had!" Tentomon buzzed.
"But that's not our job to worry about. Isn't that what the Legendary Warriors are supposed to take care of?" Tai mockingly said.
"Legendary Warriors? Who are they?" Sora asked.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"
"Gaaaah!" everyone turned around and jumped.
"Who's that old guy and where did he come from?" Tai inched closer to the mysterious man and reached out to poke him.
"You guys can call me Gennai. And by the way, I'm not old, I'm just experienced in life! Also, I'm a hologram, so you can stop trying to touch me," the old man frowned.
"Interesting...now I really want to touch," Tai waved his hand back and forth through the hologram, causing it to get staticky.
"Ugh...I can tell this is going to be utterly exhausting," Gennai rolled his eyes and groaned.
"Tai, cut it out!" Izzy snapped.
"Okay, fine. I'm done!" Tai lifted his hands up towards his chest. "Done!"
"On a serious note, WHAT DID YOU MORONS DO?!" Gennai shouted.
"I dunno. Would you care to explain?" Joe winced.
"Great...great, great, great," Gennai pressed his lips together.