So, someone named BoomerGod69 made a review on this story discussing some bad tornado outbreak in 1925. I checked his profile, as one does, and this person makes some pretty weird reviews on stories. Most of the time, they say, "Siri, subscribe to this" or something like this. I honestly get a weird vibe from this guy.
Well, I blocked the guy, as one does.
The thing is, out of all the reviews this story has received on FFN, only TWO of them were ACTUAL reviews, and it frustrates me.
The first one was someone bringing up wikis and TV Tropes, like, it was a THESIS! They didn't ONCE bring up ANYTHING about this story. I kept it at first, but I eventually decided to delete it.
Then there was that guest who wanted me to review that Sherlock Holmes fic. I already mentioned how angry I am at that guy.
Then there was a guest whose review was aimed at an ACTUAL reviewer of this story, Zoryan el Muerto, saying something about how Phineas and Ferb is a bland show. I mean, if you don't like Phineas and Ferb, that's fine, but don't harass other people for liking something you don't.
Then there was Zoyezest, the guy who commented on both here AND AO3, saying the EXACT SAME THING, WORD FOR WORD!
Now there's BoomerGod69.
Seriously, do people really need to remind you guys that reviews are all about discussing how you feel about a fanfic, whether you find it great, or think it needs improving in some areas. The fact that people use the reviews to do things like spout hate towards people they don't agree with or just spout random nonsense just baffles me.
So if you can't say anything about my story, not even a "Cool story, keep it up", then just don't say anything, or I won't even bother to read your review.
Play Phineas and Ferb Theme Song
The wind blows multiple calendar pages into the air, starting on June 3.
There's 104 days of Summer Vacation
Then School comes along just to end it
Phineas and Ferb sit under a tree in their backyard.
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Cue montage of the boys doing multiple activities.
Like maybe
First, the boys land on the moon. They jump out of the rocket and float forwards.
Second, Phineas climbs on top of Ferb. They try to fight a mummy.
Third, they climb up a certain French tower.
Building a rocket or fighting a mummy
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Fourth, Ferb removed a tarp to show a weird unicorn-turtle hybrid. Phineas takes a picture of it.
Fifth, the boys force a monkey into the shower. Neither of them enjoy this one.
Discovering something that doesn't exist
Or giving a monkey a shower
Sixth, they surf on a large wave.
Seventh, they create tiny robots.
Eighth, they find Frankenstein's monster. The brain is missing from the head. It doesn't take them that long to find.
Ninth, they find a bird.
Tenth, they fly on a helicopter with a large paintbrush over the city. They covered the city in orange paint.
Eleventh, the boys work on a painting. The painting depicts a red-headed girl with a mustache.
Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving your sister insane
Turns out, this girl isn't actually a painting, but the boys' sister, Candace. She turns to Phineas angrily.
"Phineas!" she shouts.
The boys do multiple things, all the while their sister watches angrily.
Film a movie.
Build a giant robot dog.
Tamper with a car.
Ride a rollercoaster.
As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before School starts this fall
Candace talks to a friend on the phone. She doesn't notice the boys carrying a live elephant into the backyard until she hears Phineas call out, "Come on, Perry!" That gets her attention.
Later, she's seen playing "Whack-a-Pest". The pests that pop out are her brothers and their pet platypus.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
Afterwards, the boys dance around and play guitar as images of the infinite possibilities flash by.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
When the boys are done, they pose. Their sister comes in.
"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!" she shouts.
The boys stare at her for a second. They then brush it off and resume their poses.
End Intro
104 Days of Summer Vacation
Day 67
Candace Disconnected
Candace was on the phone with Stacy.
"I can't believe I lost another one!" she rambled. "I'm gonna go out of mind without it!"
She was interrupted when she heard a knock on the door. Linda came in, phone in hand.
"Candace, I got you something," she said.
"Stacy, I'm gonna have to call you back," Candace said to Stacy, even though she was really just pretending to be using a phone. "My new phone is here." She then jumped out of the bed and grabbed her new phone. "Whee! Gimme gimme gimme! What can it do? Can it play an MP3 and text at the same time?"
As she scrolled through the phone, she realized all it could do was make phone calls. She felt nothing disappointment.
"Candace, you lost four phones in four months," Linda explained. "So I got the cheapest phone I could find. If you lose this one, it's life without a phone for Candace Flynn."
She left the room, leaving Candace to process what was just said.
"Fire in the hole!" came Phineas' voice.
Candace forgot about her phone situation as she went to the window to see what was up. She tripped on her rug and dropped her phone. It flew out of the window.
"No!" Candace shouted.
She got up and looked outside to see her phone had safely landed on a small pile of leaves.
Then a guy in a forklift came into the backyard.
"Hey kid, where do you want these ridiculously heavy lead bars?" he asked.
"Just set them down over there somewhere," Phineas replied.
The man set the bars down right where Candace's phone was.
"On second thought, move it over here somewhere," Phineas corrected.
The man raised the bars. The phone seemed okay, just a small crack.
But then the man ran over the phone, breaking it into a million pieces.
Then, once Phineas was done signing the paperwork, the man backed out of the backyard, running over the phone a second time.
Candace ran down into the backyard. She hoped she was just seeing things and her phone was fine, but that wasn't the case. Her phone was shattered beyond repair.
Phineas and Ferb approached her, having just realized what happened.
"Candace, is that your new phone?" Phineas asked.
Candace nodded glumly.
"Don't worry, Ferb and I can fix it," Phineas assured, taking the phone's remnants. "Give us, say, 38 minutes." He then turned to Ferb. "Ferb, I know what we're going to do before we do the other thing we were gonna do today. Hey, where's Perry?"
"Carl!" Monogram called.
Carl came in. "What?"
"Look, I'm getting messages from some diabolically clever hacker who goes by the sinister initials, 'TTYL'."
Carl rolled his eyes. "That means, 'Talk To You Later'. If you scroll down, you can see that message was from me."
Monogram's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, I see. That's… clever."
That's when Perry entered his lair. Carl got out of the camera view so Monogram could do his thing.
"Sources tell us that Doofenshmirtz is 'ROTFL'," Monogram briefed. "We don't know what that means, but it sounds dangerous."
"Sir, that means…" Carl tried to explain.
"Quiet, Carl. I'm briefing." Monogram turned back to Perry. "You know what to do."
Perry saluted and left the lair.
Monogram checked his phone.
"Now it says, 'Q-Q-Q-Q'..." he said.
"That just means you're on the Q-key sir," Carl explained.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
"But Charlene, I'm waiting for my exercise show to start," Doof argued over the phone. "So I can't pick up Vanessa from class. Why can't you do that?" He sighed. "Fine. I'll do it."
He hung up the phone.
Maybe I can make an inator that'll pick her up for me, he thought to himself.
The boys had just finished building the new phone. Phineas hid it under a tarp in the garage to surprise Candace with it.
"So, it seems you've been a lot nicer towards Candace lately," Ferb remarked.
"What? This?" asked Phineas. "It's nothing. Her phone broke because I wasn't looking, and now I'm fixing my mistake. I don't see what the problem is."
"It's not a problem. Why would you even think that? It's just… surprising, that's all."
That's when Isabella came in.
"Hey Phineas," she greeted. "Whatcha doin?"
"We made Candace the best phone ever," Phineas explained, uncovering the tarp to reveal the new phone. "We've revolutionized modern technology. We put all kinds of cool features on it. My favorite is the voice-activated transporter app. Show her, Ferb."
Ferb activated a small movie screen.
"You say 'go to' then specify the name or place you're trying to reach," Phineas went on. "And the phone will take you there. Allow me to demonstrate. Isabella, would you kindly stand over in the driveway?"
"Sure thing, Phineas," Isabella replied.
She backed up as far as she could. Once she signaled she was ready, Phineas activated the teleporter.
"Go to Isabella," he said.
In only a second, Phineas was teleported closer to Isabella.
A little too close. Like, they were right in each other's faces.
"Hey, Phineas, whatcha doin?" Isabella said the second time in a row.
"I'm transporting," Phineas replied, trying hard not to stutter. "Go to the garage."
A second later, he was back in the garage.
"Aw man," Isabella sighed dejectedly.
Then Candace came in.
"Alright, time's up," she said, snatching the phone.
"But Candace, you should really see our interactive tutorial," said Phineas.
"The only thing I wanna see is you, later." Candace heard the sound of a drum, knocking her off guard. "What was that?"
"That was the rimshot app. Are you sure you don't want the tutorial?"
"I'm a teenage girl. I don't need to learn how to use a cellphone. Now, if you'll excuse me, me and my little phonsie-whosie need to make up for lost time."
She went back inside.
"What is this world becoming?" Ferb wondered.
Doofenshmirtz… basement
Doof entered the dark and dusty basement. He stubbed his toe on something, making him flinch.
"Turn on the light, Heinz," he berated himself as he reached for the light switch. "You're not a bat."
The first thing he saw was a robotic head that kinda looked like Norm, only it had a larger unibrow and greasier hair.
"Oh, it's Norm's old head," Doof realized. "I wonder if it still works."
He found the Norm head's switch and turned it on.
"Oh, look who it is," it sarcastically remarked. "It's Dr. Heinz Degree-Purchased-On-the-Internet-With-My-Wife's-money Doofenshmirtz."
"Well, I must say it's good to hear your voice again, too, after so long," Doof snarked back. "I just came down here to get some parts for a new inator."
"Hey, take me with you. I haven't seen you blow yourself up in a long time."
Doof reluctantly grabbed the head. "Alright, Mr. Smarty Pants, let's go."
"Hey, on the way, how about you put on some deodorant?"
"Quiet, you!"
"And I went a whole thirty-eight minutes without a phone," Candace monologued to Stacy over the phone. "Luckily, Phineas and Ferb saved the day by building me this new phone with all these cool new things. I know I'm not letting this thing out of my site."
"Candace, I'd love to hear you finish this, and I'm sure you will," Stacy assured. "But right now, I want to finish this documentary on Easter Island."
Candace chuckled. "Who would ever wanna go to Easter Island?"
Candace blinked, and found herself on Easter Island.
"Wait, how did I get here?" she wondered before she realized the only possible explanation. "Phineas and Ferb!"
Doof had just finished building his newest inator.
"I gotta hand it to myself," he remarked. "I'm a genius."
"Oh, is that what you see?" the Norm head remarked. "Because I'm looking at a lab coat filled with dunkleberries, on top of which, someone has strategically placed a cabbage."
"This is my new inator. I call it the Pick-Em-Up-inator."
"So what's this one do, and where can I hide when it doesn't do it and blows up?"
"All I have to do is enter the coordinates, and launch…"
The inator launched, covering the room with smoke.
"I should've known my dad would be late," Vanessa berated herself.
That's when some weird helmet put itself on her head.
Before Vanessa knew it, she was flying high over the city of Danville.
"Curse you, unknown rocket transportation thing!" she shouted.
Then she landed in front of her house.
"Oh, never mind!" she retracted.
The inator returned to its spot.
"There, it worked," Doof cheered. "Vanessa's been taken home with three minutes to spare."
"That's great," the old Norm snarked. "We can use that time to work on your personality. This time, let's try to bump it up to a C-minus."
"You know, I'm starting to remember why I put you in storage."
That's when Perry burst into the scene.
"Perry the Platypus?" Doof reacted. "What? I didn't do anything wrong today. I just built an inator to pick up my daughter, but hey, since you're here, why don't you join me for today's exercise show? I have a spare headband."
Play "Dance Baby"
Perry and Doof, now sporting headbands and exercise gear, followed the moves of the person on the show.
Dance baby, dance baby, hands in the air
Get down to the store, buy a wicker chair
Sweat baby, sweat baby, wave your feet
Throw off your shoes and dance to the beat
Just dance, baby
Dance, baby
Even Norm 1.0 danced along to the song, and he was just a head.
Wave your arms in the air
Wear sunglasses for the glare
Shake your feet to the beat
Make sure you get a window seat
Sweat baby, sweat baby, soak your hat
Wring it out, take it to the laundromat
Dance baby, dance baby, wave your feet
Throw off your shoes and dance to the beat
Just dance, baby
Dance, baby
Dance baby, dance baby, shake your hips
Go down to the pier and get some fish and chips
Groove baby, groove baby, motivate your limbs
Never eat a cactus if you're out of practice
Doof grabbed a jump rope for the next part of the dance. The dance was one person tie a rope around another.
Shake your feet to the beat, get a window seat
You can feel the heat, and you feel complete
You're popping it, round the clocking it
Everybody talking 'cause you're rocking it
Dance baby
By the end of the song, Perry was tied up.
Why did I get sucked into this? he asked himself.
End "Dance Baby"
"Wait, if my phone sent me here, it could send me back," Candace assumed.
Then a bird grabbed her phone.
Candace ran after the bird. She realized too late that she was heading right for a cliff.
She grabbed onto the edge, just in the nick of time. Now, she was just hanging there.
"Talk about a cliffhanger," she remarked.
Then her phone's rimshot app went off.
Doof offered Perry a sports drink. Perry angrily shook his head.
"Well, since you're tied up, I'll tell you the evil plan I thought of while we were working out," Doof decided. "See, I figured my Pick-Em-Up-inator worked so well, I can mass produce them and pick up everyone in the Tri-State Area." He took a quick drink, then continued. "Then they would have to do what I tell them."
At the OWCA headquarters, Carl was just doing his usual unpaid intern duties when he received a call from Agent T.
"Yes?" he answered.
Agent T showed Candace hanging off the edge of a cliff, screaming.
"Oh no, that's Candace Flynn of the Flynn-Fletcher family," Carl realized. "I gotta inform Agent P. Great work, Agent T."
Perry received an alert on his watch informing him that Candace was in danger. He used his tail to lift a dumbbell and crush Doof's foot with it.
With Doof distracted, Perry untied himself, grabbed the remote controlling the inator, and sent it off to Easter Island.
"Hey, Perry the Platypus?" Norm 1.0 called. "Can you do me a favor and leave the remote here?"
By the time Doof recovered, Perry was already making his leave.
"So that's it, then?" asked Doof. "You're gonna thwart and run?"
Perry tipped his hat and ran out the door.
"Curse you, Perry the…" Doof shouted before his phone rang. He answered. "Hello? Hi Vanessa. Yes, that was me. Listen, I'm in the middle of a second." He set the phone down to finish his curse. "Platypus!" He then went back to the call. "So, how was class?"
Candace couldn't hold on much longer. She let go and plummeted to the ground.
Then this helmet latched itself onto her and lifted her high into the air.
"Well, you were right, Ferb," Phineas remarked. "The most interesting thing we ever built was very tall and very heavy, and that guy from the museum seemed very appreciative."
"I still can't believe it fit in his truck," Ferb admitted.
That's when Candace landed in the backyard.
"Hey Candace," Phineas greeted. "How's your new phone?"
"Gone," Candace replied. "Some bird owns it now."
"I was afraid that would happen. That's why we made a backup."
Phineas handed Candace a second phone.
"You did this for me?" Candace asked.
"Sure," Phineas tried to downplay. "I know how much this stuff means to you."
Candace wrapped Phineas in a tight hug. "I appreciate it."
Ferb shed a single tear watching the wholesome moment. He wiped it away before anyone would notice.
The Pick-Em-Up-inator dropped off Norm 1.0 on Easter Island.
"Finally," said Norm. "A place where a head can be a head. Easter Island, huh? When do the eggs get here?"
Nothing.
Norm groaned. "Where's that bird with the rimshot app when you need him?"
Thanks for reading.