Play Phineas and Ferb Theme Song
The wind blows multiple calendar pages into the air, starting on June 3.
There's 104 days of Summer Vacation
Then School comes along just to end it
Phineas and Ferb sit under a tree in their backyard.
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Cue montage of the boys doing multiple activities.
Like maybe
First, the boys land on the moon. They jump out of the rocket and float forwards.
Second, Phineas climbs on top of Ferb. They try to fight a mummy.
Third, they climb up a certain French tower.
Building a rocket or fighting a mummy
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Fourth, Ferb removed a tarp to show a weird unicorn-turtle hybrid. Phineas takes a picture of it.
Fifth, the boys force a monkey into the shower. Neither of them enjoy this one.
Discovering something that doesn't exist
Or giving a monkey a shower
Sixth, they surf on a large wave.
Seventh, they create tiny robots.
Eighth, they find Frankenstein's monster. The brain is missing from the head. It doesn't take them that long to find.
Ninth, they find a bird.
Tenth, they fly on a helicopter with a large paintbrush over the city. They covered the city in orange paint.
Eleventh, the boys work on a painting. The painting depicts a red-headed girl with a mustache.
Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving your sister insane
Turns out, this girl isn't actually a painting, but the boys' sister, Candace. She turns to Phineas angrily.
"Phineas!" she shouts.
The boys do multiple things, all the while their sister watches angrily.
Film a movie.
Build a giant robot dog.
Tamper with a car.
Ride a rollercoaster.
As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before School starts this fall
Candace talks to a friend on the phone. She doesn't notice the boys carrying a live elephant into the backyard until she hears Phineas call out, "Come on, Perry!" That gets her attention.
Later, she's seen playing "Whack-a-Pest". The pests that pop out are her brothers and their pet platypus.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
Afterwards, the boys dance around and play guitar as images of the infinite possibilities flash by.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
When the boys are done, they pose. Their sister comes in.
"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!" she shouts.
The boys stare at her for a second. They then brush it off and resume their poses.
End Intro
104 Days of Summer Vacation
Day 68
Delivery of Destiny
Paul was just an ordinary man living his ordinary life as a delivery boy in Danville. He had short, brown hair and a small goatee. He wore a red cap, a white shirt, brown shorts, and red shoes.
His first stop, as usual, was the backyard of the Flynn-Fletcher family.
Like always, the youngest members, Phineas and Ferb, were sitting under the tree.
"Hi Paul," Phineas greeted.
"Hey boys," Paul replied. "You ordered 20 tons of building material?"
"We sure did."
"Okay, sign here." Paul tried to hand the boys the pen and paper, but he couldn't feel his pen in his pocket. "Huh, I can't find my pen."
"It's cool. We'll just use the pen you left here yesterday." Phineas took out a pen and used it to sign the paper. "Ferb and I modified it so you won't lose it again."
Paul took the pen and examined it. "What'd you do? Install a homing sensor?"
"Actually, we just put a clip on it," Ferb replied.
"Cool." Paul handed the boys a blue receipt. "Say, aren't you a little young to be building a…" He checked his notes to make sure. "...A city-wide amusement park on a single track?"
"Yes, yes we are," Phineas replied.
Paul didn't know why, but Paul didn't make a big deal out of the fact that two kids were building something as complex as a one-track amusement park.
After all, this wasn't his first rodeo with Phineas and Ferb.
With all that in order, Paul was driving to his next stop.
"Hey, Dad," he said over his headset. "Yes, I just delivered to Phineas and Ferb. Yes, yes they are. No, I left them the blue copy. Dad, I'm not sure I wanna be a delivery guy." He sighed. "Alright, Dad. Talk to you later."
Paul tried turning on the radio to cheer himself up.
"Hey listeners," said the announcer. "The WJOP Party Van is out there somewhere in the Tri-State Area. The first lucky listener to spot the Party Van and say the phrase that pays wins a special prize."
Once the announcement stopped, Paul reached the location.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
Paul put the big package on a dolly and carried it inside the building.
"What a weird-looking building," he remarked as he headed for the elevator.
The elevator was out of order. Paul had to take the long way up.
It took hours, but Paul eventually made it all the way up the stairs, all the while without dropping the heavy package.
It didn't take long for him to find his destination. The door to the apartment had the name 'Doofenshmirtz' in bright letters.
Paul knocked on the door.
"It's open!" a voice called.
Paul opened the door…
Only for a tiny cage to drop right above him, trapping him.
Then Doctor Doofenshmirtz showed up.
"Hey, you're not Perry the…" he said to himself before cutting himself off at the last second. "Sorry about that. I was expecting someone else."
Doof pushed a button on a remote, causing the cage to rise up and release Paul.
"It's fine," Paul brushed off. "Happens all the time."
He gave Doof the pen and paper to sign.
"Really?" Doof asked.
"Nope, just kidding," Paul replied.
"Ah. Hey, nice clip."
"Thanks. Nice place. What do you do here?"
"You know, different things, but today, I'm building a Juiceinator." Doof gestured to the large machine at the edge of the balcony. "It's going to turn City Hall into juice."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Then, I'm going to take over the Tri-State Area, like you do."
"Well, at least you got a plan. I haven't figured out what I wanna do with my life."
"Don't sell yourself short. Perhaps you could be one of my minions. Not an indoor minion, but one that keeps the coal fires burning."
"I'm not sure that's a step up. Here you go."
Paul remembered what his father told him earlier, and made sure to give Doof a pink receipt, not the blue one.
With that, he left the apartment.
"You should think about that offer," Doof called.
Paul got back in the truck, buckled up, and started the engine.
"'Juice City Hall'," he laughed. "What a character."
He switched to 'drive' and drove away from the building.
He noticed Phineas and Ferb, as well as four other kids that always hung out with the boys, riding some complex ride.
Paul didn't know what it was, but it looked so fun.
And here he was, stuck with his boring delivery job.
"We're still looking for that first listener to spot the WJOP Party Van and say the phrase that pays," said the announcer.
Then Paul felt something hit the back of his truck. He stopped the truck and went out to investigate.
Behind him was none other than the WJOP Party Van. Paul could tell because of the very obvious logo.
"Hey, you're the first listener to find us," said the driver of the Party Van.
"Wow," Paul remarked. "If only I knew the phrase that pays."
The driver rang a cowbell. "Ding ding ding! You said, 'the phrase that pays'. You win the grand prize."
Paul got all excited. "I won! What did I win? What did I win?"
"The band Love Handel will play at your job."
The side door opened to reveal the band, still kicking after all these years.
"You snuck your way right into my heart," they sang in perfect harmony.
"But that's impossible," Paul panicked. "I work on a truck."
Play "He's Driving Safe"
Paul drove to his next destination, while Love Handel played their music in the back.
To put it simply, they just described everything Paul did in song.
Danny:
He keeps his hands firmly on the wheel
A ten and two or nine and three
He signals when he's changing lanes
He's adjusting mirrors so he can see
He's driving safe
Bobbi and Swampy:
He's a safe driver
Paul got a call from his dad.
"We received a complaint from City Hall," the dad informed him. "They haven't received their package."
"Sorry, Dad," Paul apologized. "I had a small delay, but I'm on my way."
Love Handel:
He's on his way
End "He's Driving Safe"
Play "Sci-Fi Speculative"
Unfortunately, Love Handel was the least of Paul's concerns. He had to stop for some random kid crossing the street, and taking his sweet time too.
Danny:
There's a dweeb in the crosswalk, good thing we stopped in time
He's into his computers, yeah, he's into sci-fi
"For your information, it's not 'sci-fi'," the kid corrected. "It's 'speculative fiction'."
Love Handel changed the tune of their song, making it a bit heavier.
Love Handel:
Speculative fiction is such an addiction
Speculative fiction
The boy just narrowed his eyes at Paul. Paul responded with an 'I'm sorry' gesture.
Speculative fiction is such an addiction
Speculative fiction
The kid realized his time was running out and hurried to the other side of the road.
Speculative fiction is such an addiction
Speculative fiction
End "Sci-Fi Speculative"
Play "We're Going to City Hall"
Paul finally reached City Hall.
Love Handel:
We're going to City Hall
Next to the Danville Mall
End "We're Going to City Hall"
Paul hurried out of the truck and gave the package to the mayor.
"You know, Mayor Doofenshmirtz, I just delivered a package to a Heinz Doofenshmirtz," he remarked.
"That's my brother," Mayor Doofenshmirtz explained, sounding like he was anticipating a surprise attack. "Charming man."
"Your box is surprisingly light."
"That's because I just need a box. My cat loves to play with them."
Play "Kitty in a Box"
Love Handel snuck behind the two and played their music.
Love Handel:
Kitty in a box, kitty in a box
Almost as funny as a kitty in socks
"Are they with you?" asked Mayor Doofenshmirtz.
Paul groaned. "Yes, yes they are."
End "Kitty in a Box"
Play "He's Not Sure"
With that out of the way, Paul drove to the next destination.
"So, guys, like I was saying," he said. "I'm not sure if I'm totally fulfilled as a delivery guy."
Danny:
He's not sure that he's totally fulfilled as a delivery guy
He's not sure
"I mean, there's a whole world of things to do out there," Paul went on.
Love Handel:
There's a whole world of things to do out there
Paul looked to his left and saw Phineas and Ferb's attraction was still up and running.
Oh, how he wanted to trade places with them.
Look at those kids
End "He's Not Sure"
"And you guys, what is it you really want?" Paul asked the band.
"We're hungry, and we wanna eat," Love Handel sang, still as perfect as always.
"Fine."
Paul drove off to the nearest eatery.
The nearest eatery happened to be Slushy Dawg. Paul hated this place, but they didn't call it fast food for nothing.
And it wasn't like Love Handel were picky eaters. Paul could just get them their food, and they'd be back on the road in thirty seconds at most.
Or at least, that's what he hoped.
Instead, some random redheaded teenager was in a deep conversation with the employee working there. Something about exposing Phineas and Ferb's big attraction to their mom.
Paul honestly didn't understand what was going on, nor did he want to.
"Candace, I'd really love to help you with your latest endeavor," the employee eventually spoke up. "But I have customers waiting."
Play "We Wanna Eat"
Love Handel:
We're hungry, and we wanna eat
Paul received another call.
"Hey, Dad," he answered. "I'm just stopping for lunch."
His dad told him his next assignment.
"He says we have another delivery for Heinz Doofenshmirtz," Paul informed the band. "We gotta go back to headquarters and pick it up."
We'll take that to go with extra dipping sauce
"Honey barbeque," Swampy specified.
End "We Wanna Eat"
After getting the new package, Paul returned to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and went up the stairs again.
By the time he was at the top, he passed out and hit the floor.
Then some woman came out of the elevator.
"They fixed the elevator, you know," she said bluntly.
Paul groaned.
He forced himself off the floor and headed for Doof's apartment.
The first thing he noticed was the hat-wearing-platypus-shaped hole on the front door.
Paul nervously opened the door and looked around.
"Delivery, again!" he called.
"Oh goody, it arrived," Doof clapped his hands. "One last part for my Juiceinator."
Paul handed Doof the pen and paper. "Oh, you're still on the juice thing?"
"Yeah, my giant, menacing machine that I built that will turn City Hall into juice, completely discrediting and embarrassing my brother, the mayor, at his 5:00 PM media event. Step one in my evil scheme to take over the Tri-State Area."
"Wow. You've got a rich fantasy life, don't you?"
"I've been told so. Do you have a pen?"
Paul handed Doof the pen. "Yes, I do."
Doof took the pen and signed the paper. "Wow, if my pen had a clip like this, I'd never lose it."
Paul finally noticed the hat-wearing platypus in the cage he was trapped in earlier. The platypus was digging through his hat for something.
Then, the platypus grabbed the cage bars and shook them aggressively.
"I think your little platypus doesn't wanna be in that cage," he remarked.
"No, he likes it," Doof assured, giving back the pen and taking the package. "Thanks for everything. See you."
Paul was escorted out of the apartment.
He was a little off put by what happened, but he decided not to dwell on it.
That's when Love Handel finally came up from the sixty-five flights of stairs.
"You could've just taken the elevator," Paul joked, getting on the elevator. "You got a song for that?"
"Actually, we do," Danny replied.
"We just climbed up sixty-five flights," the band sang together.
Paul and the band reached their last destination of the day, the OWCA headquarters.
"OWCA," Paul remarked. "That is not a cool acronym."
He found the doorbell and rang it.
The floor under them opened, sending them all plummeting down a chute.
Play "Sliding Down a Tube"
Love Handel:
Sliding down a tube, yeah, sliding down a tube
Sliding, sliding down a tube
End "Sliding Down a Tube"
Once the gang reached the bottom of the slide, Paul found two people working at a station. One appeared to be the head, while the other looked like some regular old intern.
"Uh, delivery," he called.
The intern approached Paul, nervous for some reason.
"Where do I sign?" he asked in a squeaky voice.
"Carl, I know that squeak," asked the boss. "What are you not telling me?"
"Major Monogram, Agent P doesn't have his hat tools. I took them out to clean and repair them." He pulled the tools out of his pocket. "I have them right here."
The boss, presumably Monogram, got stern. "What good are they here? Poor Agent P. He's just a platypus trapped in a cage wearing a tiny little fedora..."
Play "Paul's Revelation Operetta"
Danny played a small tune to go with the tone of the scene.
Love Handel:
A platypus in a fedora in a weird looking building
"Trapped by an evil scientist bent on destroying City Hall," Monogram went on.
Hey, you know that guy
"Wait, I know that guy," Paul realized. "I've seen your friend."
It took you long enough
"All of our other agents are busy out in the field," said Monogram. "If only there was a way to get these tools to Agent P before Doofenshmirtz juices City Hall in seven minutes."
Seven minutes
"Hightail just happens to have a seven-minute delivery," said Paul. "I can get those tools to your friend. I've never used it, but here's the 237 form." He handed Monogram the form. "Sign at the bottom, here's a pen, initial this on page two."
Sign on the bottom
Paul took out a box and had Carl put the tools in it.
It's a regulation box
"And you keep the pink copy," Paul finished. "The blue one's mine."
"Good luck, young man," said Monogram. "We could use someone like you." Monogram turned to Carl. "Carl, why don't we have a soundtrack band?"
Danny handed Monogram a card.
Here's our card
With that, Paul and the band left the headquarters.
Paul drove through the streets of Danville to get to DEI.
"Schedule's gotta wait, Dad," he said over the mic. "I got a special delivery to make."
Love Handel:
Paul's on his way to deliver some tools
To a platypus in a fedora
He's on his way, he's gotta save the day
He's only got seven minutes, wishes he had more-ah
He's on his way, and we're singing what he's doing
So it looks like we might have a new career before us
He's on his way, I guess we are too
From a pop-metal band to a rocking Greek chorus
End "Paul's Revelation Operetta"
Unfortunately, Paul got stuck in traffic.
Right when hope seemed lost, Paul remembered Phineas and Ferb's track. He saw Phineas, Ferb, and their friends were about to pass by.
Paul grabbed a rope, tied the band together, then opened the sunroof. When the time was right, he grappled himself and Love Handel onto the kids' vehicle.
"Hi, Paul," Phineas greeted.
"Don't mind me," Paul assured. "Just hitching a ride."
When the time was right, Paul cut the rope and landed on the balcony of DEI.
"See you, Paul!" Phineas shouted.
Paul rolled right in front of Perry's cage. He gave Perry the package, the form to sign, and the package.
Perry tore open the package and used the tool inside to pick the lock of the cage. He then used Paul's clipboard to hit Doof in the head.
Unfortunately, Doof landed right next to a lever. He pulled the lever, opening a trap door right under Perry's feet.
Luckily, Paul stepped in and wrapped the entire Juiceinator in duct tape.
"What are you doing?" Doof asked.
"Just tying up some loose ends," Paul joked.
"Whoa. Metaphorically and literally."
Perry climbed out of the trap door. He jumped off the roof and activated a hang glider. Paul grabbed onto Perry's feet, and they both flew away.
"Curse you, Perry the Platypus and Paul the Delivery Guy!" Doof cursed.
"Paul the Mobile Logistics Technician," Paul corrected.
Doof's building exploded, spreading juice everywhere. That juice melted everything in Downtown Danville, including Phineas and Ferb's track.
Perry and Paul landed right outside OWCA headquarters.
"Excellent work, young man," Monogram complimented. "I know it's unprecedented, given you're human, but how about a job at the agency? What do you say, son? You wanna fight evil?"
"Thanks, but no thanks," Paul replied. "I found out how I can contribute to the world: by being a mobile logistics technician!"
"That's a delivery guy, sir," Carl explained to Monogram.
"I know what it is," Monogram assured.
Thanks for reading.