NOTHING

Mineta threw off the covers, stretched, and put on a Kevlar vest. He had grapes for breakfast, brushed his teeth, and checked the weather forecast for freak storms.

When the day went by without incident, Mineta braced himself for the last class. Hero studies had an in-class lecture, to Mineta's relief. All Might was the one teacher who hadn't caught on to his desire to experience the fairer gender in all its glory. Yet, every time they randomly paired off or formed groups, he never got to work with a girl. Get pitted against them, sure. He'd been suplexed by Ochako, scalded with boiling acid, tongued in all the worst ways, and subjected to horrors that still gave him very confusing nightmares about Momo's cleavage. But partners? Never.

A lecture, at least, was safe from whatever fresh horrors his classmates and the universe had devised for him that day.

He decided to try to get into Jiro's dresser. He put one hand on the doorknob and heard her voice emanating from his bones. Mineta released the knob, turned around, and went to his room without a single glance at a girl's door.

Bakugo told everyone to fuck off when asked to cook for the evening, which spared Mineta's taste buds from the fiery torture he loved subjecting him to. With Sato busy doing homework and no one else willing to step up to the plate, Momo bought pizza. Instead of buying a bunch of smaller ones and leaving Mineta with pizza war crimes like anchovy and pineapple, she bought one big one, and Mineta had the rare privilege of tearing into a heavenly slice with all the meats.

With the resolute grimness of a man facing a firing squad, Mineta opened Tooru's door. Mineta felt his eyeballs pop out.

"Oh perfect, I'm trying to make up my mind." Shirtless and invisible, she held up two tanktops. "Pink, or green?"

Mineta numbly asked, "What for?"

"Girls' day out."

"Too close to Mina and Tsuyu's colors. Got anything light blue?"

Tooru rummaged around her closet, discarding underwear and bras in full view of him. She emerged with a frilly blue shirt. "Oh my gosh, I've been meaning to wear this one! Thanks, knew you'd have good advice."

She shoved him out and locked the door.

Mineta tried to study. He twitched at every odd sound. Aizawa called lights out, and though Mineta lay in bed, he didn't close his eyes. He watched each minute tick by.

At 11:59, he pulled out a shotgun. "I know it's coming! You can't fool me, universe! Here I am! Come get me!"

Mineta's hands shook, and he breathed heavily. His heartbeat pulsed like the ticking of a clock. Tick. Tick. Tick.

12:00.

Mineta giggled maniacally, flipped off the universe, and pulled the covers over himself. The bed disappeared. Mineta opened his eyes and beheld a black hole devouring stars.

Mineta checked his phone. The clock read 11:59.

"I knew it!"

497

Got to show my favorite literary punching bag a little appreciation for all his hard work. So, I gave him a day where nothing happened to him.