A/N: EDIT: Not a lot of feedback due to the site glitches and new chapters not appearing. That, or this story isnt as popular as I'd hoped it would be. Not sure which is worse...T_T
Reviews really do keep me writing...
On another note, definitely not feeling well; hopefully its not the flu. Tomorrow's update might be delayed due to my health. Sorry.
So here we go. The fate of this story depends on you, the reader. Your feedback determines the fate of this tale, and many others. I'm just a humble author trying to make his way in this wild, wacky, warped world, and stay alive, one word at a time. As ever, I own no references, quotes, themes or memes. Not a wit or a one. A humble writer am I.
Here we go, once more, into the fray! Remember this is a humorous, parody.
This is meant to make ya'll smile and laugh. Let's have a MAD time~!
Looking forward to your feedback! Obvious quote below this is obvious~!
It's always amusing writing from the limited perspective of a child; everything always seems so much bigger when we're young, doesn't it...?
"Humans need fantasy to BE human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape. As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies. "
"So we can believe the big ones?"
"Yes. Justice, duty, mercy. That sort of thing."
"But they're not the same at all."
"You think so? Then take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder, and siv it through the finest sieve, and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. And yet you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the order. As if there is some...some rightness in the universe by which it may be judged.
But...but people have to believe that, or else what's the point?!
"Precisely. You need to believe in things that aren't true.
How else can they become so?"
~From the Hogfather.
A Sharp Tool
Cinder got airsick on the flight over.
The fact brought no small amount shame; nevermind the fact that she couldn't control her stomach; she all but had her head buried in a paper bag on the journey to Atlas.
Mercifully, her new owner -what? He was!- held her hair and patted her back the entire time as the rich food she'd eaten came boiling back up.
Which inevitably left her dehydrated and hungry once they landed, but that insofar as she was concerned, that matter was secondary compared to the searing embarrassment currently raging through her little body.
She didn't even get to see the floating city on the flight over, which was dissappointing enough by itself; because she'd REALLY wanted to. It was only the reassurance that there would be plenty of chances to see the city again-no matter how sick she got-that ultimately mollified her.
Something about visiting the Orphanage again a week from now.
After the small panic attack THAT induced-The Whiskered Man was quick to say he'd no intention of returning her- they reached the landing zone and disembarked.
Which brought on another surprise; because they hadn't landed at the airport at all.
Here eyes widened. "Oh,wow...
No standard airport fare for the Whiskered Man apparently, he had his own personal pad just outside his home. Lucky.
Also, big. Veeeeery big. With a capital B!
That was Cinder's first thought as she disembarked and laid eyes on the palace; for someone who'd lived with next to nothing, it may as well have been one.
From the outside it looked like a pair of giant hands had taken a regular building and stretched it both longways and sideways, then dropped a wicked looking gate and fence around both to create this absolute unit of modern engineering. It was also very...red. And orange. The roof was also a strange shade of blue nearly gone black. Cobalt, her new owner called it. Or navy blue. He didn't seem to be sure which, and somehow, that uncertainty made him seem more human, somehow.
Still didn't do anything to hide her utter and absolute awe, though.
"Is this a castle?" She wondered aloud. "Are you royalty?"
"Ha!"
Naruto boomed a belly laugh abruptly; it was a frightfully loud sound that made her jump and wonder if she'd said something wrong.
The Whiskered Man noticed, naturally.
"Skittish little thing aren't you?" He chortled one last time, idly reaching down to tousle her hair as he did. "Believe it or not, this place actually pretty tame compared to most of Atlas."
Cinder squirmed out from under his hand -even if it was really warm- and goggled at him, not quite comprehending his words. "There are buildings bigger than this?!"
Another laugh came hot on the heels of the first, softer this time, more bemused than scornful.
"Remind me to show you Atlas Academy and the Schnee manor sometime." He winked her way." I do a lot of work for the military, but some of mine runs through them."
She tilted her head, putting two and two together. "You're rich?"
Her owner scratched at a whiskered cheek. "Well, I wouldn't say that. I make a decent wage teaching when I'm not out in the field. Nothing too impressive."
Her gaze snapped to his. "You teach, too?!"
"When it suits me...
She latched onto his hand. "Teach me! I need to be strong!"
"In due time." He took her by the hand and led her to the gate. "First, we have to put you in the system."
She blinked, baffled. "System?"
There was a keypad of some sort there at the gate, protected by a thin film of plastic to shield it from the elements.
As she looked on her maybe-mentor strode up to it.
A quick input of keys followed- she couldn't read the numbers- and the keypad irises back into the metal, onlu to be replaced by a dark screen.
Naruto laid his hand across it, waited a moment, and was greeted by a small chime, a flash of green light as his face was scanned...followed by a rather ominous click from above. Cinder looked up and gulped, alarmed to find an array of dust-based weapons protruding from just above the gate, having emerged from hidden grates she couldn't see in the metal.
Each of them were aimed at him.
And her.
Meep!
"Intruder detected," A soft, almost feminine voice arose from within the screen. "Exterminating in three...two...one...
Naruto coughed into a fist. "Is that really necessary?"
"Can't be too careful with semblances these days, master."
Despite her fear, Cinder found herself agreeing. Semblances were bullshit.
She'd once seen a girl who could spit acid, and a huntsman who could create trees. Trees, for crying out loud! He even talked to them like they were his pets! Trees?! Pets?! It didn't make a lick of sense! He'd been a weird one. Always smiling. Come to think of it, the matrons had been afraid of him too, hadn't they? They'd given him three kids just to make him go away.
Ah, but she digressed.
Sure, a semblance was supposed be your own personal superpower, but in a way it was akin to winning the genetic lottery. Like flipping a coin, really. You really couldn't determine what ability you received, and from what she'd learned, trying to forcefully unlock one often ended...poorly for the party involved.
That said, this place was well-protected. She'd seen bullheads with less security than this. Which begged the question...just what-or who?-lived here?
That same petulant, almost annoyed voice issued forth from the screen once more. "Password, master?"
His whiskered face creased in a small smile. "Creation."
A pause followed. "You have a guest, master."
"Do I?" His voice took on a teasing tone. "I hadn't noticed."
"You're a sarcastic asshole, master."
Cinder squawked, alarmed by the change in tone.
She squawked again when Naruto picked her up and held her before the screen. The green light flashed once more, scanning her face, and when he bid her to place her hand upon the pad itself, she heard another chime, this one lower in pitch than the last.
"Identity confirmed. New profile registered."
Naruto set her down with a chuckle. "Aren't you going to let us in, Ellen?"
An annoyed huff was his reward. "...Access granted. Welcome home, master."
The gate swung open on well-oiled hinges, allowing them passage. Naruto didn't even seem to notice at first; he was too busy running a hand through his hair and sighing. "Keep tellin' her not to call me that." Belatedly he looked back to her, as only just remembering she was still there. "Don't worry about her, she means well; though you'll need the code if you want to leave." he explained.
Cinder managed a numb nod.
The guns were still pointing at them; they didn't retract until she stepped forward.
Scary...
Shaken as she was, she let her new owner take her by the hand and and lead her inside without a fuss.
It was something of a sticking point for her. She wanted her freedom, but she also wanted protection, too. Hard to have both.
Still, even fear couldn't quell her curiosity forever. "What's the password, then?"
Another wink. "One, two, three."
She gave him a flat stare. "You can't be serious."
Or maybe he was. No one would think to try that combination. It was brilliant!
If she'd thought the outside of his house big -and she did!- then the inside was larger, still.
How did that even work?!
Now, if there was one thing, she'd come to learn about her new owner, it was that he liked bright colors. Never had this been more apparent than in style of his home; bright, orange carpets, coupled with crimson wallpaper, bordering on scarlet and blue ceilings of all things.
Bloody blue! Who did that?! Her lunatic owner, apparently!
Likewise, his kitchen was absolutely massive, far too large for a man with one child, and the counters dwarfed her. She had to strain to see the edges of them. Past them she glimpsed what must've been the dining room, a massive table that could've easily seated more than ten people. She wasn't sure. She couldn't count past that anyway...
...or read, for that matter.
As he led her further into his domain -and likely to her doom- she encountered a cozy looking sofa of forest green sat in living room planted against the wall. Above it hung several photographs of people she neither knew nor recognized; yet each of them looked equally fearsome. Some of them wore the white coats of specialists, others didn't. Her gaze didn't linger on them for long.
Because there at the other end of the room, larger than she was tall, she beheld something truly magnificent; a seventy inch plasma screen TV.
"Hope you like adventure time, he laughed, tussling her hair.
Cinder endured it with the look of a prisoner going to their execution. "If I must...
"No need to make such a face, you're perfectly safe here."
Was she?
There was still no sign of this Tyrian boy he'd mentioned...
Naruto heard noise from above, and glanced toward the stairs. Was there a second floor? A third perhaps? He looked like he had the money for it.
A buxom young woman wearing a maid uniform of all things descended the steps to greet them. Her hair was dark, not unlike her own, but cut short, and her eyes were piercing red. Like the color of blood. Said gaze snapped to her suddenly, filling her with fear; to which Cinder shrank back behind the smiling man's leg.
Belatedly she glimpsed her tail and realized the woman wasn't human at all, but a faunus, and a shark one at that. Weren't those supposed to be rare? Evidently this one had missed the memo; she gulped as she took in her long tail and terribly sharp teeth, the latter of which glinted toothily at her in a smile.
And yet rather than attack, the maid bowed low and deep at the waist. "Welcome home, master."
Aha! It was her! The sassy witch back at the gate; the one who scared her half to death!
"You!" She thrust a finger at her, incredulous. "You're the bitch from before!"
Naruto flicked the back of her forehead. "Language."
She whined and rubbed her skull. "But she-
"As for you, Ellen," he continued without missing a beat, "I keep telling you not to call me that...
Those eerie red eyes fluttered shut and open in a quick blink as she straightened up. "I haven't the foggiest idea what you mean, master."
Naruto clapped a hand to his forehead. "Why do I even bother...
"Jane asked for you while you were away, master."
Now it was Naruto's turn to curse.
Cinder pinched his shin, feeling vengeful. "Language!"
She realized what she'd done a moment later and cringed, eyes closing against the slap she knew would follow-
It never came.
Reluctantly, she creaked an eye open, only to find bemused blue orbs gazing down at her.
"You're right." he tousled her hair again, frizzing it up, "I'm setting a poor example for you as your father, aren't I?"
She squinted up at him, confused.
He wasn't angry?
Why?
Parents hit their children all the time, didn't they?
As though sensing that very negative thought, Naruto's whiskered cheeks dimpled in a frown. There it was again, that vague sensation of pressure directed not at her, but rather the ones that had caused her to behave like this in the first. She suspected that, were the Matrons before him now, he might have killed them.
Why did that thought make her happy?
Thankfully, the annoying maid-lady piped up before she could dwell on this strange fuzzy feeling. "Jane Doe left you many messages while you were away, my master."
Naruto blew out an exasperated breath through his nose. "I get it."
"One hundred and ninety-nine, master."
Somewhere in the kitchen, a phone began to ring.
"Two hundred now," Ellen amended primly.
Naruto cast a despairing glance to the ceiling, as though he were beseeching the Brother Gods themselves.
"Alright, alright," at length, he closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head in defeat. "I'll call her. Happy now?"
Ellen's smile was smug, doubtless from the discomfort she'd caused. "Yes, my master."
Cinder blinked. "Who is Jane...?"
"She's...a coworker." the very admission seemed to pain the blond. "Someone I work with in the Specialists. Don't believe anything she says. Or watch anything she does." he paused, considering. "Honestly, just ignore her altogether, else she might corrupt you, too...
"Would that be so bad?"
Naruto whirled, eyes bulging. "Ellen!"
"Apologies, my master." she bowed again. "I spoke out of turn."
"Meddling maid," he muttered under his breath, only to pause and peer past her. "Huh. Its quiet. Where's Tyrian hiding?"
"The young master? I believe he was-
CRASH.
-upstairs." She finished with a sigh as a fresh clamor echoed down from the floor sabove, her facade cracking at last, smile becoming decidedly strained. "Please don't go on another trip anytime soon, master. Watching over him was absolute hell."
"Yeah, sorry about that." he scratched the back of his head, managing a sheepish smile himself. "Go have a rest."
She dropped the facade and bolted.
Well that she did too; because someone came barreling down the stairs.
An excitable boy in clad in white and blue barreled down the steps with a whoop, vaulted overhead their heads, scaled the wall and somehow wound up in the rafters. Cinder tracked him with one eye, mildly concerned by his wickedly bright golden eyes and crazed grin. His messy brown hair only made him seem more wild somehow, more feral, more beast than boy.
"Hello, hello~!" he tittered happily, one hand over his mouth. "Who do we have here...?"
Cinder skittered back behind Naruto, but her eyes never left the crazed creature.
Scorpion Faunus, her mind bleated anxiously, noting his tail. Dangerous!
"Tyrian." Naruto tutted, arms crossed over his chest. "Stop scaring your new sister and get over here."
The boy cackled merrily and began rubbing his hands together. "That's her then?"
Naruto nudged her.
Cinder stepped out from behind him, bared her teeth and stood on the very tips of her toes, trying to look bigger than she was.
In hindsight, that might've been a mistake.
"Oho~?!"
The excitable boy dropped from the rafters, pirouetted in the air, landed on his feet and flung up his arms with a merry cackle. "Welcome, welcome, dear sister!" he flashed her what he probably thought was a warm smile and bowed, one hand over his chest, but the act only made him look all the more menacing. "By all means, make yourself at home in our humble abode!"
Cinder skittered back behind Naruto. "He's crazy!"
Naruto tutted. "Now, now, he's only a little older than you...
A hand descended on her head. "She's so small! And so thin! Wherever did you find this one, father? In an alley?"
Cinder hissed and swiped at him with a hand. It was a particularly fearsome hiss, she felt, but evidently not enough to dissuade Tyrian. He danced out of her reach, tittering merrily.
"Such fire! And without a semblance or aura! Oh, yes, you'll do nicely-ack?!"
He yelped as Naruto grabbed him by the tail -by the stinger!- and dangled him upside down, leaving him hanging precariously from his fist. If he felt any pain, he didn't show it. On the contrary, he hauled him closer and glared at him, eyes little more than severe cerulean slits.
Gone was the jovial jester, the merry madman, in his place stood a stern specialist.
When he deigned to speak, the ice in his tone made her shiver; and it wasn't even directed at her! "Tyrian."
The boy blinked. "Yes, father of mine?"
"Be. Nice." the word was a whisper, but he may as well have shouted for all the effect it had on the boy. "This is your sister. You will show her the proper respect."
With a defeated sigh, the crazed faunus slumped. "Yes, father, sorry father...
"Don't be sorry," Just like that his smile returned, sun shining through the ice, "Be better. I know you're excited to see her, but she's come an awfully long way from Mistral to meet you. You wouldn't want to scare her away now, would you?"
A look of primal panic crossed the boy's face. He shook his head furiously.
Naruto stared at him for a long moment. "Then be nice."
His peace said, he dropped Tyrian.
Again, the boy somehow landed on his feet; the moment he did, he turned an inquisitive look on her and opened his arms.
"May I hug you?"
Cinder shied back.
"Is that a no, then?" he blinked, quite confused. "Hugs are nice...
Naruto hid a laugh behind his hand. "Its not your fault this time. She's shy."
Cinder stomped a foot, indignant. "I am not!"
"She really is." Her owner talked right over her. "In the meantime, you can take a bath upstairs. Its the first room on the right. There's towels and shampoo on the rack. Hot water is the right handle.-
She stomped a foot. "I know how water works." her face flushed. "And a bath, too!"
He hummed, bemused. What would you like for dinner afterward?
Her eyes widened even as her stomach growled. "Food!"
"Yes, but I meant what kind."
Her eyes grew wider still. "I can pick?
In the orphanage, the matrons made them eat gruel and nothing else...
Tyrian tilted his head. "You can hardly cook now, can you?
"I wanna learn!"
If she learned useful things he wouldn't get rid of her, right? If she was useful she wouldn't be thrown away. If she was useful, they wouldn't send her back to the orphanage...
Naruto frowned suddenly. "Cinder, come here."
She scampered over. His hand descended upon her head. She flinched despite herself. His palm was heavier, this time. Rough and warm, it tousled her hair gently. His other arm looped gently around her shoulders and drew her into his chest, where a firm embrace followed. She glowered up at him between her bangs, staring up at him between his splayed fingers.
"We're not going to get rid of you. Promise. Tyrian was much the same way when I first found him."
The faunus boy whined a little and kicked at the floor. "Hey! I've gotten better!"
Cinder balked. This was better?! He was insane!
"Say, ya ever had Ramen?"
She blinked up at her owner. "What in blazes is Ramen supposed to be?"
Tyrian tittered. "The food of gods, naturally!"
She'd soon find out.
(.0.0.0.)
James Ironwood considered the door with a keen eye.
Warily, he raised one fist to knock upon it.
Hesitated now, at the last.
Already he could hear excited noises emanating from the other side. Should he interrupt? Did he dare announce himself? He considered simply shouldering the door opened, only to find himself hesitating for an altogether different reason. He remembered what happened last time he barged in unannounced. There were some sights not meant for mortal eyes.
And yet Uzumaki wasn't answering his scroll again.
How else was he to contact him?
...no choice, then.'
Resigning himself to his fate, he knocked once.
Much to his surprise, it swung open. Had someone left it unlocked or...?
No, it was being opened after all. A young girl glared up at him through the gap, her hair damp, face flushed, golden eyes wary. "Who're you?"
"Cinder?" A new voice cried out. "What did I say about opening the door to strang-ah." a familiar face appeared well above her and paused, noticing him at the last. "If it isn't James! Sorry for the mess, wasn't expecting company!" he heard the turning of a latch, then he was through, ushered into the foyer. "I only just got back and-
Oh?
"What have we here?" Ironwood paused in the doorway and considered the girl currently latched onto Naruto's side; he'd thought her a friend of little Tyrian, but judging by the way she was clinging to him...well, well, well, now; a wry smile tugged at his taciturn face. "Finally took my advice, I see."
He'd finally adopted a daughter. How quaint. Winter would be delighted to know her mentor was branching out...that, or livid.
She was still a Schnee, after all, and Schnees, as he had come to learn, didn't like to share.
"She's smaller than I thought she would be."
Cinder growled, buried her face into Naruto's pant leg and stubbornly refused to look at him now that she knew who he was. Where had all that fire of hers gone?
The blond ran a hand through his frazzled hair and blew out a sigh. "Don't say it."
A dark brow rose in mild amusement. "Say what?"
"I know you're thinking it, James. Don't."
No such luck. He couldn't resist. "Going to adopt all the troubled children in the world now, are we?"
His best agent glowered at him defiantly, tilted his head. Paused now, actually considering it.
"You know," he muttered aloud, smiling. "...maybe. I just might."
He'd been joking! "Naruto, no."
"Naruto, yes~!
"Its utterly unfeasible!"
"Bitch don't tell me what to do!"
A/N: Scene~!
Little Cinder and Little Winter meet next chapter, its obviouslu going to be more fleshed out than the previews suggest.
Zenless Zone Zero references are bloody obvious as are the TFS jokes.
Moreover, did anyone happen to notice that little "tree" hint I planted? Heh. Tree pun. But I can't "leaf" if alone~!
If you didn't understand it, then I'll not spoil things for you. You'll just have to read on and see, I suppose.
This chapter took a lot out of me, time to sleep! Have a great day! Sooooooooo, do you want this to be a story? Would you like weekly updates? Yes? No? Maybe so? Make yourselves heard. I bow to feedback! Pairing might be a single pairing, or might be harem, or there may not be one at all. You decide! Do let me know in your reviews~!
Aaaand there we go. As ever, reviews keep me alive. Without them, I cannot write. So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review...Would You Kindly? And have some previews -potential blot bin things- that I'm working on.
References ahoy~! Hopefully this will sate my muse for the time being.
And as ever:
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
SPOILERS LAY AHEAD!
YE BE WARNED~!
SERIOUSLY!
HEADS UP!
(Previews! Mind you, most of them are condensed for good reason!
(Previews!)
"You'll be going to school starting tomorrow. Its just a tour, don't worry...
Cinder shrank back like a fearful kitten.
School sucked.
Because you see, Cinder had a younger classmate. Her name was Winter Schnee.
She disliked little miss uptight immediately on principle.
Naturally, Winter disliked the "hooligan" right back.
The spat that followed was legendary.
So was it settled. Rivals for life.
That, or best friends.
Who could say?
He sighed. "You don't know how to read or count, huh? Wish you woulda told me that...
"Its not my fault!
She tried to sound fierce, but in reality, it was more akin to a baby bird chirping for its parents attention.
Cute.
"Why do they call you the Blizzard?"
My semblance allows me to control the elements.
He was lying and she noticed.
Clever girl.
Ozma pinched the bridge of his nose.
His current host -Ozpin!- was still quite young and he enjoyed conversing with him regularly. Perhaps someday they would run Beacon together again, but for now they were naught but a regular Huntsman in the field, a powerful one, but just that. Not a teacher, not bound to the Academies in any meaningful way.
Untethered, they could go wherever they pleased.
And besides, his friend had raised a valid point just now.
Perhaps he had the right of it.
Beacon would do well to follow such the Atlas initiative.
He'd grown so used to relying on the next generation that he'd never thought to start earlier.
Perhaps it was time he remedied that..
Maybe take on an apprentice...or two...or three...
Salem made an annoyed noise. "He's just...adopting all the urchins. I don't understand? What's his aim?"
You're collecting kids like trading cards. What's wrong? Daddy not love you enough?"
"Evidently yours didn't if you feel the need to bother me. Have a nice day."
"Hey! Where are you going?! Wait! I SAID WAIT!"
This is the man who prevented Mountain Glen, girl. Show some respect...
"Matured? Me? I wish I could say that, but the truth is, my mind has hardly changed since I was a child.
I've simply been pretending to be an adult until I can make it as an ideal grown-up.
I'll probably keep pretending until the day I die.
After all, children need grown-ups for emotional support. They need lots of praise and guidance. As for me, who will praise me for pretending until the day I die? That's what faith is for. I believe that by doing good where good is to be found, I'll be rewarded someday. Though I suppose I'll have to wait awhile for that reward.
"Are you sick?"
"No, no, no, I'm not sick at all."
"You're not dying, then?"
"Cinder, no. I'm fine."
Then I'll praise you while you're down here.
Jacques crashed backward as clenched fist filled his face at mach speed. The impact caused him to perform a terrifying tumble in the air before he landed hard on his arse.
"Y-Y-You can't do this do me!" he crawled backward like a drunken crab, trying to escape. " Do you have any idea who I am?!"
They weren't having it, weren't speaking, didn't even acknowledge him; their shadow fell over him, eyes blazing.
A fist seized his collar, yanked him forward, now.
Blazing knuckles barreled into his schnoz.
And then there was PAIN...
EDIT: Hey, thanks for reading! Hope you have a great day, and lots of luck! Looking forward to your feedback~!