-8-

Anakin wanted the ground to swallow him up.

He wanted an Exogorth space slug to swallow him down into its ecosystem and keep him there, upon hearing Padme's news. For him it was confirmation of a theory he'd had in his mind for a while for the last few weeks since he had gotten out of carbonite freeze, Anakin had been shaken to discover Palpatine was now called 'Emperor,' but when he had seen the man as he was after 6 relative years since he was kidnapped and frozen that he understood the Clone Wars was just one massive, terrible, bloody lie.

But Palpatine had been like a father to Anakin, in much the same way as Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had been.

Well, not quite.

The Jedi had never truly understood him; throughout his early training, he had been miserable, and Obi-Wan hadn't been prepared for him, given how he was a knight suddenly thrust into knighthood, to being a Jedi Master, and the Master of the Chosen One.

Palpatine had swooped right in, and over the years, Anakin had fought against dozens of opinions about the man; one of the reasons why he was loyal to the man had been when Palpatine personally asked the Jedi Council to let him take Anakin on an errand, but it ended up being the lower levels of the city, here on Coruscant.

Thanks to Palpatine, Anakin's view of the galaxy was shaped. Even now, it was hard to shake it off, but it was helped that he knew only too well how more messed up things were, now he knew for sure Palpatine truly didn't care about the people of the galaxy, or the lives they led, and their lives were likely worse.

But years ago, each time he was furious with the Jedi for holding him back…. It had been Palpatine who'd put the thought in his mind.

Again and again, Palpatine had stroked his ego, telling him what he wanted to hear…but all that time he was simply manipulating him. It hadn't taken Anakin that long before he'd thought about Padme. Palpatine had done so many terrible things to her; he had been the Sith who'd orchestrated the blockade, the invasion, manipulating her into getting Valorum out of office even if she had made the mistake of thinking it would have done any meaningful good if it was Valorum in the role of Supreme Chancellor or not.

Everyone knew how inept the Senate was. They had a motto, "Why quarrel today when you can do it tomorrow?" And they lived by that motto. They would set up committees, and debates, arguing back and forth. The senators didn't care for the people with exceptions like Padme herself, and only backhanded deals and bribes and threats passed around did anything. And even if the senate did reach a decision, the trouble they were dealing with would likely have just become worse and worse.

But the worst thing Palpatine had done to Padme, was trying to kill her before the Clone Wars. What made it worse was the Sith Lord was trying to turn him, Anakin, into a Sith apprentice. Anakin had worked it out when he'd had a chance to think about it when he'd woken up. It made so much sense.

Why else would the Sith Lord make/take the time out of his duties at the senate to speak to him?

Why would Palpatine spend years working on him, manipulating him, goading him?

Okay, it had taken Anakin a while to work that bit out, but once he had, it made sense. And he realised and finally understood Dooku had never been intended to be the true Sith apprentice (he couldn't help but wonder if Palpatine would even have kept Maul around as soon as the Sith Master learnt about him, but he couldn't say).

Padme was watching him. And when she realised while he was horrified by the implied threats against her, he wasn't surprised. "You're not surprised?" She asked.

"No, Padme, I'm not surprised," Anakin sighed and rubbed his face. "Palpatine went out of his way to become a father figure, taking the role from both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan…. He was still getting used to the reality he had a padawan and one who needed so much help."

"Like what?" Padme's voice was quiet. He knew she was worried.

Anakin sighed, letting his mind drift back to those days when he was treated badly by the same people reputed to care for everyone around the galaxy. "I didn't know how to read, how to write. I went from having friends on Tatooine, and a mother, to living in a Temple full of people who told me emotions and attachments were bad news. I'd grown up hearing an idolised view of the Jedi, blissfully ignoring the fact I'd never met a Jedi in the Outer Rim before Qui-Gon appeared. The younglings hated me, the padawans hated me and were jealous of me getting better than them, and so many Jedi Masters kept pushing me, giving me tasks, and no matter how hard I worked, they kept giving me harder ones. They wanted to make me more humble about my abilities."

Padme winced, knowing that would not have gone down well.

"And I wasn't blind or stupid; the Jedi Council didn't want me to be trained. They only did it because of Qui-Gon's death. Obi-Wan wasn't much help. He was still one of those people who believed the council were all-knowing and all-wise and knew what they were doing, and he took their side. He was young and stupid. He wouldn't know any better until after he'd become a member of the council," Anakin didn't stop the bitterness leaking out of his voice.

Just because he and Obi-Wan had a better relationship later on, it didn't mean he had forgotten feeling smaller and abandoned by Obi-Wan.

"When I was 11, I tried to leave the Jedi. Obi-Wan tried to talk me out of it, but eventually I went back. Not because of him, but because….," Anakin sighed and bit his lip, unsure of how to say the words.

"You didn't have anywhere else to go," Padme's voice was a heartbroken whisper, as she stared at her husband.

Anakin looked down and nodded. "I'd invested so much time and energy into training," he whispered. "If I'd left, I wouldn't have anywhere to go, and so I decided to stay, seeing the order as the lesser of two evils. I decided to play their game. I decided to follow their tasks, not for them, but for me."

But Padme figured something out. "God, that's why you acted so arrogantly when we met again!" She said as if she had discovered the cure to ageing. "I thought it was just you being a teenager."

Anakin wasn't offended in the least. "No, well partly," he added, remembering those days. "One of the reasons why I was like that was because I was running on fumes. I hadn't had much sleep for a while."

Padme sobered up. "Your mother. You were suffering from those dreams."

"They'd been going on for months and months. And the Jedi were not helping, and as for being arrogant as you put it; yeah, I was just being a teenager, but I'd become that way to shield my inner hurt and turmoil. By that point, I was so frustrated by the way they acted around me, so I became arrogant and cocky to deal with it. I don't think Obi-Wan truly bothered to understand it or not. That's one of the reasons why I was such a dirty fighter in the war, I was taking it all out on the droids," Anakin replied.

While Padme absorbed that, Anakin thought about something else, something he had forgotten a while back. "I've just remembered something; Palpatine fished for information once, about mum, I mean."

This was news. "When?"

"Oh, it was about a year before Mum died. I can't remember what the conversation was about, but he listened attentively as he asked me questions about Mos Espa, Watto's shop; it was strange, and I've only just remembered it. But now I know who Palpatine really is, what he was really doing, it makes sense he wanted me to be a Sith apprentice; after Maul and Dooku, I would be the perfect prize."

Anakin looked away, depressed at the idea.

Just thinking of her beloved husband becoming a Sith Lord was enough to make Padme sick, but what made her even more disgusted was the very implications Palpatine had set Shmi up. "Do you think he really had something to do with your mother's kidnapping and death?" Padme whispered the idea horrified her, but if there was one thing she had seen since Palpatine exposed his true colours, it was he was the most odious, evil thing she'd ever encountered.

"He might have done. Moisture farmers plant their farms and homesteads far from normal Tusken routes, and they are well armed, and all the inhabitants of Tatooine know about how dangerous they are, how vicious. And….," Anakin closed his eyes as he remembered that night when he had found his mother, dying, clinging on to the final fraying threads of her life, and how he had slaughtered the camp and not feeling any remorse whatsoever for what he'd done to them, and even acknowledging if he ever had the chance, he would have done it again.

But what he remembered the most was while the dark side had touched him, Anakin had been more determined to avenge her loss, and he had wanted them all to understand the depths of their mistake.

If it was a plot by Palpatine, the Sith Lord was too clever for his own good, but he had to talk about it.

"When Mum died, that was the first time I touched the dark side, and it was potent but now I want nothing to do with Palpatine, not after all this," Anakin murmured, too exhausted to say anything else.

Padme hugged him. As he inhaled her scent, rubbing her arms gently, she spoke into his chest. "You're going after Obi-Wan, aren't you?"

Anakin nodded. "I am. But I'll go in the morning."

Padme pulled away, and she gently reached out for his hand and tugged him towards her bedroom. "Stay, I've missed you."

Anakin was only too happy to oblige as he followed her.