London. Apartment of Lena Oxton. The next day, late afternoon.
Bubbles were rising through the clear water to the top, fast and in higher numbers than Lena could have possibly counted. They violently exploded on the furiously trembling surface, making loud splashing noises. Down below the unsteady surface, numerous long yellow strings were twitching back and forth whenever a hot bubble formed on the metal ground before it quickly rose through the water. It was a strange spectacle of normality, magnificent in its simplicity and yet of such significance.
Tracer stared into her pot of boiling noodles like it was a whole universe. She hadn't eaten the entire day and now she completely zoned out. Replaying the kiss she shared with Amélie the day before over and over and over again in her head almost drove her nuts. Being alone right now felt like torture, but it couldn't be helped.
Lena had called Angela some time before, but her best friend apparently wasn't at home, and her mobile was only answered by the mailbox. She would have really liked to talk to Mercy right now; if only to take her mind off Widowmaker. Of course, it would have been even better if she could have somehow reached out for Amélie, but that, unfortunately, was impossible. So, since the only two people Tracer would have wanted to talk to weren't available, she had decided to stay in bed all day long, curled up in her blanket until hunger drove her out.
And now Tracer was cooking noodles. Or better yet, watched as the noodles cooked. She really didn't do a lot apart from putting them into the water. Somewhere in her head a voice reminded her that she would need some kind of sauce, or really anything, to eat alongside the noodles, but Tracer didn't care.
It wasn't like Lena was in a bad mood. Not at all. Her mind was just stuck in the previous day. During her long day alone in bed, Lena had done nothing else apart from thinking about her. It took Tracer some time, but she carefully recalled each and every last encounter with Widowmaker, and tried to figure out how her feelings developed. After some hours, Lena realized that she hadn't felt like this in a very, very long time.
A really, really long time.
Tracer had been truly in love only once before in her life. It was a girl named Rias, a classmate of Lena back when she was still young. It was said girl who made Lena realize she liked women, it was the girl who kept her awake at night for the first time ever and it was the girl who made her heart ache with desire stronger and more painful the longer Lena was separated from her.
Lena's childhood crush never reciprocated her feelings.
It left the young Brit devastated. She had joined the military at sixteen just to get away from her hometown; from the people who reminded her about the days she had been in love, and from the woman herself.
It worked. Lena's feelings for Rias faded away. She forgot until Rias was but a distant memory. A good one, but a memory nonetheless. Lena had a demanding job at the royal air-force which was keeping her busy, and of course over the course of so ten years there had been a selected few other girls, who were more than happy to be with Tracer and whom she allowed to be with her. She moved forward through life, growing together with different lovers and growing apart over time again, but no matter what, no one could compare to Rias. No matter how much time passed, no matter how close she was to her girlfriends, not one could evoke the same kind of fire in Lena's heart as Rias had done before.
No other girl managed to make Lena Oxton fall in love. Truly fall in love. Until yesterday, when a strange French girl took hold of Lena's face and kissed her lips ever so tenderly, igniting that long dead flame with unparalleled energy once again. And now a strong fire was burning for Amélie deep inside Tracer's heart. She was in love for the second time in her life.
Oh, how she wished for Amélie to be here with her now. They could cook and enjoy dinner together in Lena's peaceful little apartment, pretending the world was normal. Lena would hold Widow close and never let her go again. She would hold her tightly and she would tell her how much she needs her; how much she loves her.
But that was impossible.
Unfortunately.
A bright smile tugged on her lips as Lena imagined how their next encounter could possibly look like. Maybe during sunset? On a rooftop far, far away? With a lot of time and nowhere for Widowmaker to run off to? She would see to it that Amélie wouldn't want to leave, even if she could. Oh, the things Lena wanted to do with her.
Paradise. Naked hot skin pressed on cold naked skin. Hot touches. Silent whispers of affection and soft kisses full of desire. Her hand gliding down Amélie's neck and slipping inside that tight suit of hers, carefully grasping the soft flesh underneath, her other hand tracing up fine lines along Widowmaker's thigh while her fingers gliding under the suit to carefully tend to the hardened...
A loud ring of the doorbell pulled Lena out of her daydreaming. She shook her head to get her mind out of the gutter, forgetting to turn down the heat of the stove. Walking to the front door, Tracer unlocked and opened it to check who was visiting.
As if the bright blonde mane wouldn't have been a dead giveaway already, the deep blue eyes and a happy smile definitely were. "Surprise, Süße!" Mercy said happily holding a bottle of fine red wine "Girls night today. What do you think?"
Lena couldn't help but grin like an idiot.
The irony in this visit.
Now it was rather clear why Tracer had such difficulties reaching her best friend. This really was a surprise, and a rather welcome one as well. Angela's company was exactly the kind of thing Lena needed right now since the woman she wanted to be with so badly obviously would not show up.
"Oy, you are wearing way too much for a girls night with me, luv" Lena replied with a bright smile, stepping aside to let Mercy into her apartment. The Swiss doctor was wearing a short cut, light brown summer trench coat, black pants, and matching heels.
Angela shook her head in amusement. "Careful, one day I might actually play along just to see what you do" Mercy replied with a smirk as she walked into the flat. She set the wine onto the cupboard in the vestibule, noticing that someone wrote onto the mirror right above it using red lipstick. Someone French. Interesting...
"Well, I obviously would take you straight to bed, no questions asked" Lena replied with a giggle, taking Mercy's coat from her and hanging it on a hanger.
Angela nodded toward the mirror. "Why do I get the feeling that someone else would ask, though? Süße, you are such a player" Angela teased, suppressing a laugh. Lena was turning a little red as she looked at the note left on the mirror. To her eternal luck, her best friend had no way of knowing who wrote that message. But the mere thought of the person who did leave those lines behind for her sent a shiver through Lena. Where could Widowmaker be right now? Somewhere out there, alone and possibly in danger? Tracer didn't want to think about it further. She wanted her to be here in safety and not somewhere out there doing God knows what.
"You got me on that one" Lena replied, trying to pretend like it was no big deal. She didn't want to imagine the lecture Angela would give her should she find out who the person of her desire really was. She also didn't want to imagine how many different things could possibly go wrong in their line of work. It wasn't like Widowmaker and Tracer were so terribly different in that regard. They both were field agents; just for different sides.
It was pure madness even thinking about it.
So, Tracer tried to sound like everything was fine, pretending her world was totally the way it always had been just with the added bonus of a random French girl she fancied; not that anything could have been strange about said woman. Not at all.
Mercy must never know.
"Tell me everyth-" Angela stopped herself from talking further, as she inhaled deeply, smelling the air. "Does something here smell a little... odd?" she asked with a slightly confused frown. She really was interested in the story behind the message on the mirror. Mercy wasn't stupid by any stretch of the imagination. Hell, she invented technology to revive the dead, so she was very well capable of making the connection between the lipstick-lines and Tracer's phone call two weeks ago. Yet the strange smell in the air forced her to stop that line of thinking in favor of a more pressing one.
It did smell like something was burning.
Lena tore her eyes wide open in shock "The nooooodles!" she exclaimed loudly, blinking away into the kitchen. All Angela saw was the blurry blue line of Tracer's time harness while she whooshed off. Some metal rattled, and Lena screamed loudly before she suddenly reappeared right next to Mercy in a blue glowing bubble. The beautiful Brit quickly checked her hands and sighed in relief.
"You touched the pot, didn't you?" Angela stated without looking. It was rather obvious.
Of course Lena touched the boiling hot metal pot with her bare hands. Of course she got burned badly. Of course she had to reverse her own time to undo the damage. And of course she denied it. "...No?" Lena lied badly, rubbing her thumbs.
Angela sighed, shaking her head "Sometimes I really wonder what God put in between your ears" she stated flatly.
"Oy, don't be mean to me, luv!" Lena complained. "I panicked" she said, looking cutely at her best friend. Large puppy eyes have always been the best weapon against Mercy.
"You never had a hand for cooking" Angela laughed "Komm, I'll help you"
Helping Lena cook actually ended up with Mercy not just helping, but doing all the cooking. When she saw that her best friend hadn't even thought about some kind of gravy for the noodles, Mercy decided that Lena's help would be rather useless today. So, she sat her down at the little table in Lena's combined kitchen and dining room, poured her a glass of the wine she brought along and told her to not get up until dinner was done.
"Why are you here, luv?" Lena asked, taking a sip from the wine. "Shouldn't you be on duty?"
"Morrison kicked me out; said my holidays are overdue" Mercy replied with a shrug, adding some spices to a deliciously smelling red gravy, which the doctor magically created out of nothing. Lena had no idea she had so many ingredients at home, but apparently Mercy knew her cupboards better than she knew them herself.
"So you thought to yourself, oy, I got vacation, let's go and grate on Tracer" Lena smirked mischievously. Slowly turning around, Mercy shot her a deadly stare while her hand searched for something on the kitchen-counter.
"Don't you dare think I wouldn't check on you after you called me because of that gun wound" she accused loudly, suddenly tossing the kitchen-rag into Lena's face. "Today is literally the first opportunity I got to get out of HQ and here I am. I was worried, ok?"
"I was joking, luv." Lena giggled, rising her hands in defeat. There was no way she'd ever win such an argument with Angela. "You know I always enjoy your company. You don't need a reason to stop by."
"I better hope I don't, Süße" Mercy jested, turning her attention back to preparing dinner. She had done this so many times, cooking a meal in what was technically a foreign kitchen didn't feel weird in the slightest anymore. Angela knew the place like it was her own.
"I'm really glad you helped out when you did" Lena said, suddenly very serious. She rubbed her hands together, looking completely lost the way she was almost hiding behind the table and her glass of wine. If it hadn't been for Mercy, heaven forbid, Amélie wouldn't have made it.
Angela bit her bottom lip while she was stirring the sauce "It was the girl you like so much, wasn't it?" she asked. "The one who got shot"
When Lena didn't answer, Mercy turned around to see her best friend staring blankly into her glass of wine. The smile on her lips was gone and she hugged herself like she was cold. Well, maybe she really was. Lena hardly wore much to begin with. A cropped grey shirt and some very skimpy red shorts was all. But Angela doubted it; her best friend wasn't cold.
Something was bothering her.
"Lena?" Angela asked, turning the heat of the stove low, before she walked over to her best friend and crouched down at her side. "What's wrong, Süße?" she asked, reaching for Lena's face and turning it toward her. Seeing glazed brown eyes on the verge of crying sent an anxious shiver through the Swiss doctor.
"I..." Lena croaked. She didn't know what to do, the weight on her heart was becoming unbearable. There wasn't a single fiber left in her body not yearning for Widowmaker. She wanted to scream, but knew she couldn't. She wanted to tell Angela everything, but knew it was impossible. And now Mercy brought up that one night in which Amélie was almost taken from her. She saw the gorgeous French girl lying in her bed, bleeding badly, her breathing shallow and her pulse slow. And Lena knew she would never want to see that again. If she ever wanted one thing, it would be safety for Widowmaker.
But that was not within her possibilities to decide. The assassin had to go, leaving Lena behind in a state of almost painful desire. The memory of those cold, sweet lips on their own made her dizzy.
"I love her" Lena whispered, before she felt gentle arms reaching up to her. Mercy pulled her off the chair and into a caring hug. "I don't want to lose her" Tracer added with trembling voice.
"Lena, why didn't you bring her to a hospital?" Angela asked seriously. So many questions were left unanswered, and Angela knew better than to drill any deeper, but she needed to know at least something.
"She..." Tracer hesitated, not knowing what to do. God damn it, I need to talk to someone or I'm going to go insane! "She has some legal trouble. It's not her fault, it's just... difficult for her at the moment" for a while Lena was silent, letting herself be calmed by her best friend. But then another wave of anxiety washed over her and she tightened her grip around Mercy.
"God, Angela. She's out there all alone, doing God knows what. I'm so worried!"
"There is nothing you can do about that now, is there, Süße?"
Lena shook her head "No..."
"See? So you don't have to worry so much. I'm sure she will come back to you" Mercy said with a bright smile on her lips. She was well aware that now wasn't the time to broach her concerns regarding the other woman. Tracer had different things on her mind right now. There would be another opportunity, to ask if Tracer was sure a relationship with a criminal would be a good idea. Whoever it was. Hopefully no one too bad.
"You should eat something. The world will look a lot better with a full stomach" Mercy said supportively, letting go of Lena. "I wonder how you survived the last two weeks like that" she said with the faintest hint of humor hidden underneath her supportive smile.
"I saw her yesterday" Lena admitted, avoiding Angela's gaze as if the doctor would somehow be able to read the identity of Tracer's crush right off the back of her eyes.
"Oh, really? What happened?" Mercy asked gently. She had never seen Lena this sensitive before. The way she was huddled on that chair, she looked almost squeamish.
Tracer blushed in a light shade of red as she recalled the events of the day before.
The belfry. A soft and warm wind brushing though her hair, carrying the sweet scent of Widowmaker into her nose. And then the touch of Amélie's cold lips, just as gentle as the soft wind, on her own. The spark of desire. The electric excitement.
"She kissed me" Lena admitted, nibbling on the nail of her right thumb. "And then she left me." She added with such definitiveness, sending a cold and very uncomfortable shudder running up and down Angela's spine.
And suddenly, the blue eyed doctor understood.
-/-
Safe house in London, around the same time
The dark world outside the window wasn't aware of her presence. Not the people in the apartments on the other side of the road, not the ones walking on the sidewalks down below, and not her neighbors. No one knew she was here, and no one had seen her arrive. Widowmaker was alone in this world. She was a shadow, gliding from one dark corner to the next. Unseen, unheard, and unnoticed.
It had always been this way. Or at least for as long as Widowmaker remembered. Loneliness had always been her friend. Loneliness didn't ask bothersome questions. It didn't mean to assume things about you, and it didn't talk you into things you didn't want to do. Being alone ensured her work was done properly and professionally. There never had been even a moment when Widowmaker desired to not be alone anymore.
But that had changed. She was growing increasingly weary of her life in solitude and confinement; of her Talon imposed isolation and of scurrying from shadow to shadow all on her own.
Alone. It felt bothersome. Over the course of the last few weeks it started to annoy her.
Widowmaker knew full well why that was. Her sudden longing for company was all Tracer's fault. If she hadn't gotten so close to her, if she hadn't picked her up in the street, and if she hadn't... But Tracer had. And now Widowmaker couldn't help but yearn for change. She wanted to escape her life in the shadows so badly. She wanted to walk openly in the sunshine for all the world to see and with Tracer at her side. The desire was almost painful.
But it was a fantasy. A fantasy of a foolish little girl, and one Widowmaker knew would never become reality. She was well aware of the different worlds they lived in, and while it was true that their line of work crossed paths from time to time, Widow was smart enough to know that what she desired so badly would never work. It was probably even better if it didn't since it would keep Tracer safe. But that thought didn't really help Amélie cool down.
Drumming her slender fingers on the tiny table in the small attic serving as safe haven in London, Widowmaker looked out of the drafty window, observing the people outside. They were completely oblivious to the deadly threat above their heads, watching them, all going about their lives, like little ants, stubbornly following one another. It was pathetic. It was boring. They all were meaningless.
The only person Widowmaker didn't think of as meaningless was the one she left alone in the belfry yesterday.
It had been a horrible decision.
No matter how much Amélie rationally knew it had been the right call, her heart told her that she had been stupid beyond measure.
I left because I thought I would then remember. Who am I kidding? I will not remember.
It was impossible. She was way too emotionally invested. Hell, she imagined what a normal life with Tracer would look like. She dreamed about holidays together and about quiet evenings on a rainy day on a couch, safely held in Tracer's warm arms.
Tracer had become the most important memory Widowmaker ever possessed. And the cleaning program would wipe the memory of her away for good the next time Amélie was scheduled, erasing all her longing for a normal life, for love, and for freedom, just to leave a hollow shell behind. A shell devoid of emotions and with the sole purpose of killing. Tracer would be an enemy again, the feelings about her forgotten.
It was inevitable.
Widowmaker knew it.
So why didn't she spend as much time as possible with her now that she still had the chance? If she would forget anyway, why not make the most of the time they could have together?
Widowmaker didn't know, and she hated herself for it.
Even thinking about Tracer made her feel a lot warmer already, so how much warmer would she feel touching her again? Feeling those sweet, hot lips pressed to hers like there was no tomorrow? Relishing in the touch of her warm hands, roaming freely over her body, feeling the amazing burn it left on her cold skin?
She needed to see Tracer again.
Now.
Widowmaker jumped off the fragile old wooden chair in the attic, grabbed her stuff, and was gone.
-/-
Shorter chapter, I know. Sorry. I have to tweak something in the next part, but I didn't want to keep everyone waiting for more because of two lines. The other half should be up tomorrow or the day after, no later than that.
I love you all guys! Keep rocking so awesomely as you did all the time! You lot are great!
A enormously large thank you to EhMattissimo for doing the beta-reading! arigatou gouzaimasu~
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