Today was a great day. Not, it was fantastic! Bombastic! Kokakolastic! I had to avoid a copyright strike somehow.
The day had started like any; the ancient morning routine plus a shower. The next visit to the tracks was the following day. Coming to school clean as a wet wipe raised my mood. And since math was first on the agenda, finding Hamije's class was a walk in the park.
There I met Juno and thanked her for the history notes. I didn't know the details of their world war. Before the war, the ratio of herbs to carvs was 3:1 but after the conflict it fell to 1:1. And with a little division, the casualties were around a hundred million. Not too bad.
Okay, that was going right into the back of the bus. I thought to compare that to a fraction of east Asian history. Ming Li took power, a billion perished. Thanks to my big mouth, Juno knew humanity had two world wars for reasons that were seen as insane, but she promised to keep it a secret so all was well.
The most disturbing part of their great war was… the feast. They fought for food. As in, a dispute of territories under the rule of the oligarchy spiraled out of proportions into soldiers eating each other while the bodies were warm. I thanked whatever devolved instinct out of the human race. A world war of cannibalism… sent a shiver down my spine.
Breakfast was alright. A new subject was introduced to us; literature. Open-mindness my ass. The only positive was improving my Yamotese. Just like in the original country, their traditional arts were… not okay. That was all I could say.
Juno was in another class and the classroom itself was a lecture hall fit for university. To my left was a timid bull that kept his distance from me, to my right was a chicken. Said chicken had offered me a sandwich in exchange for an autograph. My hungry self couldn't resist and agreed to trade. I liked salt. Salt was tasty. Her egg sandwich was tasty and she seemed delighted at our transaction so I supposed I had made another… acquaintance.
Then, came lunch. I skipped the food after the filling treat and memed about Juno's company. Annoying the cheetah girl was too easy. The trick was to quell the flames before fanning them again, like a sine graph. When, if, we learned about those functions, I was surely going to cry. Reject curvature; embrace linearity.
The last lessons were the best. An hour of social studies and an hour of science. The former was so fun! I remembered the promise I made myself but trolling was too hard to resist. I managed to gobble fifteen minutes of the class by larping Napoleon's conquests and revolutionary warfare. Too bad the average-height-for-the-time emperor got gangbanged at the end of his career.
Science on the other hand, I listened to attentively. Unlike my old high school, the focus in Cherryton was on practicality which I really liked. It wasn't fun in the same sense as lazing about but learning stuff for their real world was a must for me.
And before I knew it, the bell rang. Poof. An entire day had passed, the school part. Juno had her club again. They were an active bunch. Homework was a joke so I could afford a nap.
Until I remembered the second part of the agreement.
„Man…" I suppressed a yawn as I passed a herbivore. I was almost done navigating through the academic maze to the appropriate club. I was expecting less students if it fit within the confines of the main building. Music was nice but I swore I could smell a sand grain of bird poop. I had enough birds in my life as is.
Turning the last corner, I stopped at the labeled door, a strange noise within. Looking both ways, I pressed my ear against the door, a familiar voice screeching in… adorable rage.
Shaking my head with a smile, I knocked on the door three times before entering.
"Afternoon, my fellow students," I announced with posh, breaking their argument in half, "I'm not late, am I?"
"I told you!" The black mouse crossed his arms in triumph, "This is why I am the head of the club!"
"It's because you're a senior…" The elephant in the room mumbled, waving at me with an empty smile, poor guy.
Besides the literal pun were more students, much less than the music club, just as I had expected. An ox a head taller than me, an iguana, I wasn't totally sure, he had a horn or something, a female herbivore who was likely a doe and had this elderly face, a gorgeous turquoise avian girl, her feathers were mesmerizing, and-
"Ah~ Finally, a fellow primate," I passed the ox, my cousin's tail twitching before he dabbed me up.
"You're really with us?!" He exclaimed, ending the greet with a firm handshake.
"Yeah."
"But… aren't you also in the music club?" The doe asked, her lower jawline weaker than the average gamer.
"So? You don't want me here-?"
"HAHAHA!" The black rat jumped onto my shoulder, his feet planted firmly into the suspender. "Don't listen to her," he looked away for a second before continuing, "you made the right choice with us. Not many members, easy peasy work, flexible hours. Actually, this is the best choice you could've made! You are very wise, Johnny-san~"
"... Do you think I'm gonna quit or something?"
"..."
"..."
"Please don't."
I rolled my eyes, offering my hand as a platform. Once he was on my palm, I lowered him to a nearby table, "I wanted to be part of the PR Department for my own reasons, and you still owe me for that."
The blue avian eyed the little critter suspiciously, "What did you do?"
"NOTHING! A-anyhow! How about we start with introductions?"
Thus, I became familiar with my new friends in this club. Less names, higher likelihood of remembrance. My primate bro expressed how excited he was to have me on their team, the reptile feigned apathy and the girls were doing something on a nearby table involving one of their drafts. However, something bothered me.
"If you're a student as well," I pointed out to the black rat, "why were you with the staff? When I came here."
He puffed his chest, standing tall on his tiny custom desk, chair and all, "As the head of the PR department, I have more responsibility than most students. We print out the newspaper and manage the official account of the academy on Beastbook as well as other websites-"
"Wait, wait, hold up," I raised my hand, an idea sparking, "Did you say 'Beastbook'?"
"Yes?"
My name is Johnathan Young. I am become joke, center of comedy.
"No. I thought it sounded familiar…" rest in peace, you alleged lizard bastard.
"Great! If that's all, I'd LOVE to move onto the next matter," he hopped off his tiny useless platform, whistling to gather everyone's attention. "You! Get the papers. You! Get the bags. And you!" He pointed at me, his finger deflating, "hehe, one second, stay right there. SOMEONE GET ME A CAMERA!"
I stepped away from the rat, nudging the monkey, he had a tail, "Is he always like this?"
"Yeah…" He whispered back.
"Sheesh…"
"..."
"..."
"Hey."
"Hm?"
"You got a Beascord account?"
"A… what?"
"THERE IT IS!" The head of the club shouted, beckoning the bird to quicken her approach. "Okay, I didn't notice the time but it's FINE! Ten minutes and we'll be there. Okay! Johnny-san, go up against the wall."
I started before he spoke again, "No! The white one!"
"The… they're both white?"
"The whiter one! The pictures have to be PERFECT."
Upon closer inspection, the other wall was indeed a shade paler. The rat was… something.
With my back against the wall, the only two females of this small gathering aimed their cameras at me. One was a cellphone while the other was a traditional camera. I straightened my shirt, adjusted the suspenders, and slicked my hair back.
"Alright! Now, say cheeeese~!"
My lips curled into a thin smile, my eyes set on the opposite wall between the duo photographers.
I knew why he wanted a picture. The opportunity was too great to miss even though I wasn't going anywhere. Hence, I obeyed his orders, saving my own inquiries for later.
As for the cameras, I was blinded by a white flash.
Ten minutes later, I was selling newspapers.
"Get the latest news here! Fresh out of the press!" My cousin shouted, waving around a rolled paper.
"I don't think you need to do that…" the elephant said, handing a roll to a crocodile in exchange for a dozen yen.
"Yup, look at him~" The blue bird snickered, her bestie giving no damns.
As part of the club, I was obligated to help however was necessary. The part I desired, editing, was a fraction of the whole operation. There was researching, interviewing, formatting, discussion, and more.
After the pictures were taken, I no longer hid the main reason I joined. Some were disappointed, some understood, most let it go the next moment. I really wanted to learn how to edit and the PR department was the closest they had to a computer club or whatever they called it here.
Patience was the key. A month, two, I would eventually master the skills I sought. I could double the speed of progression by taking online courses if… I had a laptop.
"He- HEY!" I shook my finger at a student to the side, "No skipping! Back of the line!" With their tail between their legs, the student didn't make a fuss.
If I were the average student in Cherryton on my way to the dorms and saw the human handing out newspapers, I would also want to read what he had in store. That was how I was swarmed by twenty or so dudes and gals. The closer they were, the chattier.
"No, you can't have my pen, go buy your own," I had only one, the stuff I requested from Miya should arrive at five.
"It's not like I can stop you from taking pictures…" I sold another paper, the female took a selfie before scurrying out of the small crowd.
"What did you say? Wha-" and there went a weirdo that asked an inappropriate question. Fortunately for him, I was focused on someone else's yapping.
It was utterly exhausting. Just when I thought it was over, a couple more arrived for the latest news. That cheeky rat knew what he was doing! But the edits! They were too precious to pass. Learning on my own was tough, I preferred a guide and that rat was a little funny.
I sighed. To endure was no joke. Why were there students here at the late hour? Because the second and third years had different curriculums. And it was only around three in the afternoon, there were like… five more hours before sunset.
Although the wall of what was a reverse-zoo didn't budge, I ran out of dough. "Sorry, but my friends here have more!" Why were you hanging your head?! What did it matter whether it was me or the elephant that gave you the goods?! I was angry for no reason, I was sort of a… celebrity.
The mundane, ordinary, perfectly average guy. A star. Don't make me laugh.
Once I was relieved of my duty and calmed down, I realized it wasn't too bad.
"Hey," I said to the monkey, "do we have to do this every day or once a week?"
"Every day?! Do you know how expensive it is to print them out?" He handed a piece to a student.
"Alright, got it."
I was tweaking over nothing. It was a minor burden, no pain, no gain. But on Thursday, the next time I attended the club, the rat wanted me to be interviewed. I treaded those waters carefully, to open old wounds was… dangerous.
But he then explained his plan. Me being me, creating an article about the number one attraction of the country when I was in their midst was as easy as falling down the stairs. He promised that none of the questions would be too personal, so I negotiated that there would be nothing involving the old world. If they wanted the full picture, they should visit the nearest administrative office. Not like I said that out loud; the government would never admit it.
Tossing the negativity out, my monkehomie emptied his hands of the last roll, our mission a success.
"Woo! We did it! Alright!" I clapped my hands in applause rather loudly, the urge to do something hitting me like a truck.
"It's all thanks to you, Johnny-san! We never sold out so quickly-"
"That's great and all but I really need to go, are we done for today?"
He shut his maw, a hint of hurt in his eyes, sorry, my dear monkey, "No."
"Alright great see you on Thursday guys bye!" I sprinted towards the nearest restroom, leaving behind a dusk cloud. Perhaps I'd explain what happened today, perhaps I won't.
Anyway, I needed to take a shit.