Aunt Myself 4
"Speech"
'Thoughts'
"Snail call"
"Bounty or Newspaper Headline"
AN: This is almost certainly the final chapter of this fun bit of crack. Enjoy
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On Sabaody Archipelago, within the Lawless Zone, two infamous pirates exited a Human Shop, having sold their wares to the owner. While the Human Auctioning House would have been more profitable once, the damage to its reputation two years ago proved fatal and the place had been out of business for over a year. The shorter of the two pirates, a man with dark skin, greasy looking black hair, and wild eyes laughed. "Kehihihihi, what a haul! Twenty-two million for that lot." Within his hands, he held the cash they'd gained from selling their prisoners, despite his shirt sleeves extending over a foot past his hands.
His brother, a sweaty, egg-shaped man with a shovel over his shoulder and a lizard on his head acting as a toupee, asked him, "The coater should be done today, right bro-bro? Then we can go to the New World." Unlike his cackling brother, he seemed more nervous.
"Of course, Coribou! Though we'll have to stop at Fishman Island. Maybe make a trip back with a healthy haul of mermaids to sell off…"
Further plotting was placed on hold as they passed a trio of no-name bounty hunters. "I'm telling you, man! I saw them with my own two eyes!" One of them, a dirty looking man wearing a skullcap, insisted. "The Straw Hats were right there! That Pirate Hunter Zoro walked right past me!"
"Suuurrre he did," A woman with a vicious scar going up the side of her face and into her hairline replied, her voice heavy with disbelief. "Just like that time Boa Hancock begged you to marry her."
"Or that 500 million Beri bounty you totally captured last month," The third, a horse mink in a purple suit, offered around his laughter.
"Hey, fuck you guys! You'll see! I'm gonna go to Grove 17 and capture them myself! We'll see who has the last laugh when I'm living like a king while you're both begging others for grog!"
While the trio left, the shorter pirate grinned wildly at his brother, "You hear that, Coribou? The Straw Hats! We'd be famous the world over for killing them!"
"Should we kill all of them, though?" Coribou anxiously asked, "W-wouldn't some of them sell for a lot of money, Caribou?"
"Bah," Caribou waved a hand dismissively, heedless of the few bills that escaped his grasp. After all, such amounts were nothing compared to the ten- figure total the Straw Hats were worth. "Not nearly as much as the Marines would pay. Besides, we turn in that kind of bounty and they'll be begging to make us Warlords! We could do whatever we want and they wouldn't even try to stop us!"
In the middle of his rambling, a shadow fell over both men. The pair turned and looked up and up… and up some more. Towering over both of them was a woman, taller than both of them combined, roughly fifteen feet tall. She had short, messy blonde hair and black eyes. At first glance, her skin seemed to be caramel with black stripes but a closer look revealed her body to be covered in a fine fur. She wore a black double-breasted jacket over a dark blue jumpsuit. "Wet-haired Caribou, bounty of 210,000,000, and Blood-splattered Coribou, bounty of 190,000,000." When she spoke in her emotionless voice, the woman revealed a mouth filled with razor sharp teeth.
Though Coribou shook and gripped his shovel tighter as he moved to hold it before him, Caribou simply gave the woman a once over and smiled lecherously. "You seem to know us, lady. But I'm afraid we don't know you," He stated hintingly. Even as he spoke, he hid one hand inside his fur cloak and transformed it into mud. Faster than either could track, the woman grabbed hold of each man's shoulder. A sudden weakness overcame Caribou and his hand returned to normal. "Wait… what did you- drrgghghhgrh!" Both brothers spouted nonsense through clenched teeth as a powerful current of electricity flowed into them until they finally collapsed unconscious.
Picking them up in one hand apiece, the woman started walking towards Grove 66. As she walked, she spoke up, her transceiver sending her words to the local Marine base, "PX-3 returning to base with captured 'Super Rookies', Captains Caribou and Coribou of the Caribou Pirates."
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It was as they were sailing/sinking down towards Fishman Island that the older Robin realized what had been bothering her about their reunion. Looking up from her journal, she asked the deck at large, "Did anyone run into a group of people pretending to be us?"
Usopp paused in where he'd been pointing out interesting looking fish with Chopper. "People pretending to be us? Like, fans or something?"
"No, I mean a fake Straw Hat crew, probably trying to recruit powerful individuals while acting ridiculously boastful?"
Everyone present shared confused looks with one another. After a few seconds, Bart spoke up, "Wouldn't that just result in them being swarmed by the Marines? Or taken out by other pirates even?" Several others nodded. That seemed like an incredibly short-sighted plan at best and outright suicidal at worst.
Robin offered a shrug, "I never said they were smart. It's just something I remember from my time that apparently didn't happen this time around. Almost a shame really," she said as she returned to her writing, "It'd been rather funny last time."
Now interested, Nami asked, "Did they at least look like us?"
Robin looked at her friend, remembered the pot-bellied woman pretending to be her a lifetime ago, and broke down in a fit of giggles. And kept on giggling. After nearly half a minute, during which the various Straw Hats started to worry for her health, Robin finally got herself under control and gave a very flat, "No."
Hancock didn't look up from where she was polishing Takeru II, which she had commissioned for her darling Yamato. Just looking at it reminded her of how Yamato's face lit up and the way she grabbed her in her big, strong arms and hugged her to her chest. Hancock's cheeks reddened as she imagined the taller woman going further: Confessing her love, asking to marry her, leaning down to- "Puru puru puru. Puru puru puru." The ringing of the ship's Transponder Snail broke her out of her daydream, earning it a hate-filled glare.
"Hm, a snail call?" Robin the younger sprouted a pair of arms, one with a mouth and ear, to answer the Transponder Snail. "Hello?"
"What the hell is wrong with your face?!" Screamed the caller once she picked up. There was a brief pause as Robin considered what a Transponder Snail must look like when being answered by a hand with an ear and a mouth. With a light blush, she created an entire duplicate of herself and quickly grabbed the snail. "Oh thank god. I don't know who that was before, but I know what I'll be seeing in my nightmares for the next year."
"Riveting as this conversation is, who is this?" Robin's copy asked as the original walked over to take the snail from her, leaving the duplicate to disperse in a flurry of petals.
The caller, who judging by the voice and snail, was a man with a blonde beehive hairdo, sunglasses, and his top front teeth missing, responded, "I'm Gambia; is the boss around? Er, Black Bart?"
In the bar, a mouth formed directly behind the ship's guard, "Bart, you've got a call." Ignoring the shout of surprise she could hear from where she was sitting, Robin told Gambia, "He'll be right out."
The door slammed open with a grumble, "Damnit, Robin. Give me a heart attack less than a day before we meet again." When the archaeologist merely gave a small smile and offered the Transponder Snail to him, Bart took it from her and irritably demanded, "What d'ya want?"
"Boss, it's me! Gambia!"
Perhaps it shouldn't have taken him as long as it did to place the name, but in Bartolomeo's defense, he'd hadn't heard from the man in over two years. "Gambia? From the old gang? I haven't seen you in forever; what's going on?!"
"We heard you guys were back and called you up to let you know we're behind you all the way! The Barto Club will walk through hell to help the Straw Hat Pirates take on the world!"
"The Barto Club?"
"Yeah boss! About a year after you joined the Straw Hats, we all got together and set sail. We wanted to follow your example and support Luffy-sama! We've seen what he's been up to and we wanna help make him king of the pirates!"
Bartolomeo's face lit up like the sun in joy at hearing his old subordinate's words. He and Desire had known immediately that Luffy was something special, but hearing others agree reaffirmed his decision. "That's great news!" He shouted, "Hey, I should go tell Luffy-senpai!" Without thinking twice, Bart ran into the Captain's Quarters, yelling at the top of his voice, "Luffy-senpai! Guess what! My old-"
Sadly for him, while Luffy would certainly be interested in hearing about Bartolomeo's friends setting out to sea and wanting to be friends, Yamato was considerably less appreciative of the interruption. "GET OUT!" The entire crew shivered as a wave of pressure flowed over them briefly. Except for Bart, who felt like a colossal wolf was snarling directly in his face for the scant moments it took before unconsciousness claimed him.
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"Is there anything we should worry about while we're on Fishman Island?" Pudding asked her sorta adoptive mother. Several of the Straw Hats were relaxing in Fishman Island's famous Mermaid Café, a cafe known the world over, mostly for the beautiful mermaids who worked there. Luffy and Yamato had run off to… somewhere, so Pudding was enjoying a nice wakame seaweed Brulee and spending time with her friends. It was a rather exotic taste, but it worked surprisingly well.
Jaguar Robin tilted her head to the side in consideration as she chewed her scallop sandwich. Once she had swallowed her food, the second oldest Straw Hat answered. "Not that I can think of. From what I understand, Hody Jones and his lot never got any traction after I told Jinbe about what he'd done." And hadn't that sparked an uproar; to learn that their beloved queen had been assassinated by one of their own who then framed a human out of mindless racism. Hody had been executed for regicide while his subordinates had been found and imprisoned for terrorism. Though the damage had been dealt with their efforts to stir up anti-human racism, it was being undone over time. Perhaps less quickly than it had been in Robin's original timeline, but with far less grief. "Luffy might try to recruit someone, but otherwise, I can't think of any particular problems we'll be forced to deal with."
Naturally, because even a New World veteran isn't allowed to tempt fate so blatantly, this served as the signal for a mermaid to burst into the café, shouting, "Princess Shirahoshi's been kidnapped by Straw Hat!"
Pudding's face fell into her hands as she let out a groan of frustration while Robin merely giggled into her palm. Though in wildly different tones, they both found themselves saying the same thing, "I can't take them anywhere."
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"You haven't been outside in ten years?!" Yamato's voice was incredulous, though muffled due to her and Luffy currently sharing a truly gargantuan meal. Swallowing, she insisted, "I couldn't imagine being stuck in one place for so long!"
The young woman whose meal they were eating sighed sadly. She was a truly massive mermaid, far larger than any they had encountered so far, and had flowing bright pink hair almost the same shade as her pink and red striped tail. Princess Shirahoshi of Ryugu Kingdom despondently agreed with her two new friends, "It's because Dad's worried about Vander Decken. He won't stop sending weapons at me."
"He's a real jerk! I'll punch him in the face if I see him!" Luffy's declaration might have been more impressive if he wasn't speaking around a chunk of bread almost as big as his torso. Especially when Shirahoshi curiously poked him in the cheek, astounded he could eat so much at once. "Gah! STOP THAT!"
Despite her hand being larger than Luffy's entire body, the mermaid princess immediately burst into tears. "Uwaaaaah! I'm sorry Luffy-sama! Please don't shout at me! You're a scary person!"
"Wow, you sure are a crybaby, huh!" Yamato bluntly told her as she finished eating. Unlike her husband, she could only eat half her body weight at most in one sitting.
"You too, Yamato-sama! You're both too mean! Please, you must leave!"
"Isn't there anywhere outside you want to go?" Luffy asked, ignoring Shirahoshi's pleas.
Somehow, that did the trick. The princess stopped crying almost immediately. Shyly, she admitted, "There's all kinds of places like that…"
His trademark grin on his face, one quickly matched by his wife, Luffy declared, "Then let's go for a walk outside!"
"Oh no!" Shirahoshi gasped, "I could never do something so terribly selfish! It would cause no end of trouble for everyone!"
Yamato overruled her objections as bluntly as she did everything. "You're the one who said you had places you wanted to see. C'mon, let's go see them. Where do you want to go?"
The princess was silent for several seconds before she finally admitted with shining eyes, "The ocean forest. I want to see the ocean forest." Almost instantly, she clapped her hands over her face at her own boldness, unable to believe she had said such a thing.
"Alright, then that's where we'll go!" Luffy insisted.
"But how can we possibly sneak out?" In other circumstances, it would be an extremely valid question. Shirahoshi was the second largest merfolk in the kingdom, only slightly smaller than her father, and a rather distinct one at that. Combined with all the security King Neptune ordered for her protection and escaping unnoticed would be almost impossible. However, other circumstances don't involve a married couple who share exactly one brain cell between them and usually let their third partner hold onto it for safekeeping.
"Sneak?"
Mere moments later, one side of the top floor of Hard-Shell Tower exploded outwards. Those who weren't too distracted by the falling rubble would spot Princess Shirahoshi swimming away, carrying a pair of pirates on her back.
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Their walk hadn't lasted very long before Luffy and Yamato found themselves tied up by a group of people, all of whom had a sun tattooed somewhere on their body. "We, the New Sun Pirates, can't let you kidnap our darling princess!" One of them, a goblin shark Merman, declared, "We will protect Fishman Island when Boss Jinbe isn't here!"
Despite being surrounded by apparent enemies, both pirates looked mildly curious rather than threatened. And perhaps a little nostalgic; it'd been over two years since they were attacked for apparently threatening a princess after all. "It's okay, Princess. They can't harm you anymore," A manta ray Fishwoman assured Shirahoshi.
"Um, that's not… I mean… they didn't…" Sadly, Shirahoshi had used up all her courage leaving the palace. Now, she was near tears from her overwhelming emotions as she tried to explain the situation. But her words, what few she could get out, fell on deaf ears. After all, the New Sun Pirates "knew" what was going on, so they weren't worried about a failed explanation.
Both Luffy and Yamato's heads snapped to stare in the same direction. Seconds later, two fly objects came into sight: One was a giant double-bladed axe, much like the one Luffy blocked from hitting Shirahoshi earlier, and the other was a chunk of coral with a fishman riding on top of it. "Princess Shirahoshi!" The fishman shouted at the top of his lungs as he got close enough to be heard, "Please marry me!"
"I'm sorry but you're not my type!" Shirahoshi politely yelled back. At the same time, Yamato jumped in front of the princess and reinforced her torso with Armament Haki. The axe slammed directly between her breasts, only to shatter uselessly as it tried to force its way through the unmovable barrier of her haki.
"What?! You'd reject me?!" The fishman, now close enough to be recognized as the wanted criminal Vander Decken IX, wailed in despair. Despite his tears, he pulled out a pair of single-bladed axes, similar to the one he had already thrown. "Then you must die!"
"Gum-Gum Jet Whip!" Faster than anyone but his wife could see, Luffy's haki reinforced sandal smashed into Vander Decken's face. The coral he was riding collapsed to the ground even as his teeth flew out of his mouth.
Luffy and Yamato effortlessly snapped the ropes holding them as the New Sun Pirates stared in shock at how casually they took down the persistent threat to their princess's life. Said princess promptly scooped up both of them and started swimming away. "Sorry, but I have somewhere I want to go! I'll be back in time for dinner, I promise!" Shirahoshi called after them.
A nurse shark mermaid stared for a moment before remarking, dumbfounded, "I have no idea what just happened, but I vote we tie this bastard up and turn him in." A chorus of agreements met her and Vander Decken IX would soon find himself permanently locked away where he'd never threaten the kingdom's beloved princess again.
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Though she wasn't particularly interested in marriage herself, everyone knew that you married whoever Big Mom told you to. Some, like Chiffon, actually fell in love with their spouses. In all honesty, she was happy for her little sister. Regardless of her feelings on Capone Bege, the two were obviously happy together. Many of the family simply had to find it in themselves to tolerate their spouses, though she couldn't help but feel the women had it easier: No matter how repugnant their husbands, all they had to do was lie back and think of the horrors Big Mom would inflict on them for defying her.
When she finally reached her destination, the pirate entered the room containing her fiancé and found herself, unsurprisingly, looking down on the man both metaphorically and literally. Metaphorically looking down on him because he was something of a small fry in the New World for all the Straw Hats were big names in Paradise. Literally looking down on him because, outside of Elbaf's giants, she could name less than five people who weren't related to her that she didn't dwarf.
Vinsmoke Sanji took in her appearance and instantly swooned. He spun rapidly towards her, giant pink hearts replacing his eyes. "Oh my love! What unparalleled goddess has graced me with her presence! What unmatched grace! What unsurpassed beauty! What unrivaled legs!" Upon reaching her, the chef fell to one knee (rather unnecessarily in her opinion) and held up a single rose as the back of his other hand was pressed melodramatically against his forehead. "Give the word and I shall forever worship you as your humble slave! Our love will be spoken of with envy for centuries to come!"
Charlotte Smoothie, 14th Daughter of the Charlotte Family, Sweet Commander of the Big Mom Pirates, and Minister of Juice of 100% Island, blinked in stupefied silence at her fiancé's… enthusiastic declarations. 'He's certainly… passionate?' She gave the mental equivalent of a shrug as she reached down and accepted the rose, idly noting it was an almost perfect match for that tattoo on her thigh. 'I can work with this.'
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Hours later, Smoothie carefully rolled out of bed, making a point not to disturb her fiancé. Some would probably be scandalized at doing what they did before marrying or even seeing each other before the wedding in just a couple days, but she was a grown woman and a damn pirate besides. Not only could she make her own decisions, but she had probably killed more people than that sort had even met. The white-haired woman walked to one of the windows and stared out at the night sky. 'Yeah, I can definitely work with this.' Their time had proven that while Sanji wasn't used to a woman over twice his size, he also wasn't completely inexperienced and was certainly enthusiastic. Smoothie placed a hand on her bare belly and found herself idly wondering if anything took.
'It would almost be a shame to kill him,' She considered. As far as husbands went, she could do far worse than a handsome, well-dressed, and attentive man who was apparently a chef before becoming a pirate. 'Well, he is estranged from his family. Perhaps I can convince Mother to spare his life when we kill the rest of them. It's not like he has any power over the Germa 66.'
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"When you mentioned you liked smoothies, I got the idea to make this. Please, my dear, enjoy," Sanji graciously offered a glass suited for his bride-to-be's size, filled with his latest culinary creation. Once she took it off the platter, Sanji waited next to her rather than immediately take his seat, wanting to hear her thoughts.
Smoothie was a little bemused at Sanji insisting on making her breakfast after their night of passion. Moreso because there was an entire castle of staff to do that than anything. Still, everything he had made certainly smelled exquisite and he had listened when she mentioned she was a vegetarian. Though Smoothie did wonder why he froze momentarily when she said she hated meat. Regardless, she took a sip of the offered smoothie via the provided straw. When the fruity combination hit her tongue, it was akin to a religious experience. Smoothie had tasted some truly exceptional smoothies before, including quite a few she had made using her devil fruit, but this was far beyond anything she could create by wringing out one of the maids or some volcanic rock.
In an instant, Smoothie discarded the straw and chugged the entire glass in one go. Once she finished, she gazed upon Sanji's expectant face and offered two simple words, "Marry me."
With a pleased smile that hid his inner turmoil, Sanji answered, "Aren't I already marrying you, sweetheart?"
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It seemed spotting her wayward daughter had snapped Linlin out of her towering rage from seeing Mother Caramel's picture smashed. Either way, the woman lumbered towards Pudding, an unreadable expression on her face. "Pudding," She growled. "So you finally came home after all these years." From where she stood near the ruined wedding cake (a real shame too, it smelled heavenly), Smoothie could see her long lost sister stare at their mother, a dozen emotions playing across her face before she tilted her head down.
"When you ran off like your horribly selfish sister, I thought I'd have to have you killed as well, Pudding," Big Mom remarked with casual cruelty, something the young woman was very familiar with. However, her tone changed, becoming far more light and cheerful as she continued, "But here you are, the most successful child I've ever had! By yourself, you've managed to win me alliances with the Revolutionary Army, Kaidō, and the Kuja Tribe! I'm so proud of you!"
While the Emperor rambled about what she intended to use her newly gained allies for, Pudding kept her head down. She let her hair hide her eyes as her hands clenched into violently shaking fists. Nami looked at her friend and saw tear tracks running down her cheeks. "Pudding?" She asked, reaching towards the younger woman.
The three-eyed woman's head suddenly snapped up to glare hatefully at Linlin through tear-filled eyes. "I'M NOT YOUR PAWN AND YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" She roared at the top of her lungs.
Big Mom's happy musings were cut short as she returned her daughter's glare. "What did you say?" Linlin growled warningly as her Conqueror's Haki leaked out of her. Unnoticed by her, Nami held Luffy and Yamato's arms tightly, giving them both a look to let their wife handle herself.
"I SAID I HOPE YOU DIE SCREAMING! You're not a mother! You're just another abusive tyrant, trying to make all your children as horrible as you!"
"You! Ungrateful! Brat! After everything I did for you! After everything I offered you! This is how you repay me?! You should know better than to defy your mother!" Big Mom loomed over her wayward daughter with a manic look in her eyes. "Life or loyalty?"
Pudding wiped her tears of anger and stared defiantly up at the Emperor. "Life," She stated with absolute conviction.
All of the gathered Charlotte Siblings gasped in horror, unable to look away as their sister's death drew near. Yet after a few seconds, Linlin repeated herself, "Life or loyalty?"
"I already told you, you old hag! Life!"
"Life or… why? Why can't I take your lifespan?!" Everyone but the Straw Hats gaped at someone completely ignoring Big Mom's Soul Pocus. Even though many of them knew the trick, they couldn't fathom not fearing someone of her power and temperament.
"I'm a Pirate Queen, married to the Pirate King!" Pudding scoffed. "Why should I care about some lowly Emperor?"
In response, Big Mom stared in shock at her daughter, unable to believe the girl was genuinely looking down on her. No one had ever looked down on her like that before, even Kaidō, Rocks, and the rest of their old crew had respected her power.
"Liberation of the Sea!" Two voices shouted before anyone could recover. A pair of immense shockwaves emanated from Luffy's fist and Yamato's kanabō as they combined their Conqueror's Haki into a single attack. The resulting red and blue shockwaves mixed together seamlessly as they soared right over Pudding's head and struck Big Mom directly in the chin, knocking several of her teeth loose as her jaw broke. Everyone present got to witness a once in a lifetime spectacle as Charlotte Linlin flew ass over teakettle towards the edge of the party hall.
Smoothie looked back and forth between her mother and her husband's crew. The former had refused to spare Sanji, making it clear that the whole of the Vinsmoke family was to be eliminated as soon as they were wed. Then came the attempted assassination (her ears were still ringing from her mother's haki infused scream), Sanji freeing his trapped family, and now this. 'What am I supposed to do in this mess? Who do I support?' Her family was… incredibly messed up if she was being honest, but they were her family. And several of them, such as Katakuri and Amande, she genuinely loved and cared for. Then there was her brand-new husband who was clearly smitten with her but was absolutely loyal to his crew. There was no outcome where everyone walked away happy. No matter who she picked, Smoothie knew she'd be betraying someone irrevocably.
"STRAW HAT!" Linlin screamed in fury, or at least tried to. With her broken jaw, what came out was more an incoherent slur of rage. Not only had he ruined the wedding and her plan. Not only had he smashed her picture of Mother Caramel. Not only had he struck her. But he had destroyed her wedding cake. The ground beneath her feet seemed to heave with her rage. No… wait… the ground was actually heaving. She looked and on the other side of the chateau's rooftop was Straw Hat, clad in all white and smiling manically as he leapt into the air. He stomped back down with far more force and speed than should have been possible and to her incredulity, the ground beneath his feet compressed.
An instant later, Whole Cake Chateau turned into the largest lever in the world as the far end shot upwards with unbelievable speed. Linlin found herself hurtling through a hastily erected wall of mochi and into the air. While Zeus was seemingly held captive by one of the Straw Hats (Linlin never bothered learning the names of most of them) Prometheus raced to rescue his creator. Before he could even reach the edge of the castle, the one Linlin was sure was an oni appeared in front of Prometheus and breathed a blast of ice, freezing him solid and sending him crashing to the ground. It was only then that Linlin realized just how far she had flown already. Whole Cake Island had passed her by; beneath her and fast approaching was the open ocean.
Back with the party, the sudden departure of an Emperor had frozen both the Big Mom Pirates and the wedding guests. As Luffy's color quickly returned, Smoothie didn't so much make a decision as her body made one for her. Scooping up her husband, she ran towards his crew. Thankfully, they were reasonably quick on the uptake and made for their escape route, even if their navigator (Nami, she thought the girl's name was) was still holding Zeus like a hostage. Smoothie wasn't entirely happy about what she was doing, but at least she wasn't the first daughter of the Charlotte family to defect for love.
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The plan was simple by necessity. The Straw Hats and their various allies would wait for the Fire Festival, rendezvous with the rebel samurai, and storm Onigashima in a daring raid. Thus, the Pirate-Mink-Ninja-Samurai Alliance would overthrow Kaidō and his lackey Orochi, ending their tyranny once and for all. Unfortunately, that plan lasted exactly as long as it took for the trio of Yamato, Luffy, and Hancock to spot Kaidō. The Emperor, flying in a drunken rage, had spotted Tama and Speed and decided to punish the latter for her apparent treachery. Frankly, the trio shared two brain cells with their wife Pudding, and she had possession of both half the time.
A fist, a heel, and a kanabō all crashed into the top of Kaidō's skull simultaneously, driving the dragon out of the air. The Beast Pirates within the town were overwhelmed with shock as their invincible boss crashed into the ground. Though he released his zoan transformation, Kaidō still stood taller than all three of his attackers combined. Or he would have, if he had bothered getting up from the crater he laid in, not that the three had any intention of letting him. Each had their own reasons for hating him: For Yamato, it was for his enslavement of Wano, murder of her hero, and her abuse at his hands, in that order. Luffy was enraged at someone attacking one of his friends (read: someone who had fed him). Lastly, Hancock loathed the man who abused her darling Yamato-chan.
Some distance away, Zoro remarked, "New plan. Looks like we're taking Kaidō down now." The Wano natives gaped in shock that someone would not only just attack Kaidō out of the blue like that, but that they'd actually seem to hurt him. Usopp and Nami weren't any better, shedding crocodile tears at the mess their captain had gotten them into.
"It would seem so," Robin the younger offered.
It was Pudding who felt the need to ask, "If we end up taking down all the Emperors, is the World Government just going to name three random other pirates Emperors or will it be members of the crew?" Nami and Usopp sobbed louder at the kind of attention that would bring the crew.
Back with Kaidō, the pummeling he was receiving served to sober him up almost instantly.
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The arrival of Kaidō's backup was announced not by one of his three lieutenants but by a different underling. Though King was undoubtedly the fastest, he had taken a moment to survey the situation, delaying him slightly. As such, the first sign of their arrival was a hate-filled scream. "YYOOOOOUUUUU!" Already in her hybrid form, Ulti flew towards Desire, her head tilted back to launch her trademark Ulti Mortar and obliterate the skull of the one who had taken her brother's Devil Fruit. In an instant, Desire transformed into a Spinosaurus. Her mouth blackened with Armament Haki as she dodged the Tobiroppo member by a hair and lashed out with a tremendous bite aimed towards the younger woman's side. To her surprise, Ulti changed back into her human form, allowing her to sail right through Desire's teeth without a scratch.
Bart raised his hands to help his best friend but instead had to conjure a barrier in front of himself, barely managing to stop a sickle-like claw from sinking into his face. A Utahraptor pink hair and wearing a thong and a pair of breastplates tried to snap at him around the shield even as her claws scrabbled against the blue barrier. With a flick of his wrist, Bart made his barrier grow several spikes and launched it away from him, impaling Ginrummy's feet as it flung her away.
Sanji kicked away King's beak before it could skewer his wife from behind, earning him a quick kiss from Smoothie before she declared, "Let's kill him together, dear."
From there, things quickly degenerated as more reinforcements arrived for both sides. A pair of giant arms grabbed Jack by his horns and slammed them into the ground before snapping them off. Zoro found himself deflecting a yellow laser from Queen's mouth at the same time Chopper, currently in his Monster Point, grappled Queen's tail and redirected its laser into the back of Queen's head. A giant straw man fired nails down upon Franky while he was distracted by Sheepshead's headbutt. It was pure pandemonium.
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Even as he fended off attacks from three powerful opponents at once, Kaidō laughed joyously in his hybrid form, "Wororororo! Had I known you would grow this strong, I'd have thrown you to that woman myself, Yamato!" Unlike many they had fought in the past, his compliment was entirely genuine. His all-out, world consuming war wouldn't be any fun if he didn't have a chance of losing after all. A fight without the risk of defeat was a chore to be dealt with, not a battle to be savored. A strike from Hancock left a portion of his chest petrified, but a surge of his monstrous haki to that area saw the stone restored to flesh and blood as though it had never happened.
Far from accepting the compliment, Yamato was enraged by her father's words. "Shut up, you stupid cow-gorilla!" Yamato shouted back. Despite already being in her hybrid form, she transformed further. Her horns curved back along her scalp as her face formed into a muzzle. She grew until she was roughly twice as tall as normal with noticeably more pronounced muscles, particularly in her arms and shoulders. White cold flames trailed down her back and arms, the former terminating on her bushy tail though difficult to see against her now pure white fur.
Seeing his wife Awaken her Devil Fruit, Luffy gave a fierce grin. "Well, if that's what we're doing…" The rubber man started pounding his chest with both fists to a particular rhythm, one few in the world would recognize. After a moment, it was like all color was being leached from his hair and clothing. His clothes changed into an all-white version of his customary jacket, shorts, and sandals with only his sash and straw hat maintaining their color. His hair and eyebrows became equally white and far wilder, resembling swirling clouds, much like the cloud that floated around his neck and shoulders.
Seeing the two transform, particularly Yamato, Hancock sighed softly to herself. Times like this made her wish that her Devil Fruit gave a visible indication when she Awakened it.
-]|[-
Basil Hawkins thought he had the advantage over his opponent when he used his Straw Man technique on him. Any damage he took would simply transfer back to Franky. Naturally, that's when Franky reminded him that he's a Straw Hat, meaning he's completely insane. "Franky Radical Beam!" From his cupped hands, the cyborg fired a laser that crashed right into Hawkins' right side and sent him flying as it exploded. The Captain felt his "Life" Minus activate, yet his opponent didn't even hesitate as his right arm and a chunk of his right side were obliterated. Franky instead held up his left hand and a small hole opened in the center of his palm. "Weapons Left, Coup de vent!" He shouted just before firing an incredibly powerful blast of compressed air. The blast hit Hawkins square in the chest and shattered his ribs, driving a bone shard into one of his lungs. Franky turned back towards the rest of the battle while grumbling to himself, "It's going to take me a good twenty minutes to make a new arm… Wait, I'm right-handed. Thirty minutes."
In frightening display of brutality, the two Robins reminded everyone they were indeed the same person (mostly) by defeating their opponents at the same time. A giant devil woman bent Maria backwards until her spine finally gave out, though the weak point ended up being not her back but her neck. The Tobiroppo's spine gave out just below her skull, where Robin had been squeezing with all her might. Though her back broke as well, that injury was completely irrelevant as the severed spinal cord killed Black Maria almost instantly. Meanwhile, nine giant devil women surrounded Jack's battered hybrid form. Their hands, blackened with as much Armament Haki as possible, speared forward. With his own haki depleted, Jack stood no chance as all six of his limbs, his tusks, and his horns were struck at once. Yet rather than merely impale him, each hand paused, gripped, and pulled. Jack howled in agony as his radii, tibias, tusks, and horns were all ripped from his body at once. The demon women then took their grisly prizes and stabbed them back into his body, hitting every major organ simultaneously. The last thing to pass through Jack's head was his own tusks.
All across the battlefield, the tale was the same as the Beast Pirates found themselves no match for the Straw Hat "upstarts". King's lunarian physiology couldn't protect him from Sanji's Ifrit Jambe empowered Hell Memories after Kaidō's right-hand burned Smoothie. Queen's cybernetically enhanced body parted before Zoro's King of Hell Three Sword Style. Ginrummy and Ulti were caught in Bart's Barrier Ball and sent flying with a strike from Desire's tail. Scratchmen Apoo found himself wanting against Brook's music. Jinbe shattered Sasaki's armor with his mighty fist. Sheepshead's horns gave way to Chopper's antlers. Who's-Who found his own dagger warped into his chest cavity by Pudding. Finally, X. Drake, battered from his fight against Usopp and Nami, made a quiet withdrawal to receive further orders from SWORD.
-]|[-
Against the likes of Kaidō, even three on one wasn't necessarily overwhelming odds. The man had earned his title of "Strongest Creature in the World" after all, especially after he drained his ever-present gourd of liquor. Not only had he become more unpredictable in his drunken state, his haki had somehow become even stronger. To Hancock's frustration, his haki proved too powerful for her Devil Fruit to overcome traditionally. Even when she did manage to petrify him, he'd simply flood that portion of his body with haki and recover near instantly. Fighting an Emperor was possibly the worst time to learn of such a weakness. On the other hand, she had learned something equally useful: Exactly how to imbue Conqueror's Haki into an attack, something even more powerful than using the emission technique with her Armament Haki. An infused kick staggered Kaidō briefly but he countered quickly, forcing Hancock to leap away from his hybrid form.
"C'mon! Show me what you've got!" Kaidō roared, deep in his Shuron Hakke style. "I haven't had this much fun since I was a brat like you! This is the greatest fight of my life!"
"Liberation of the Sea!" Two voices shouted as their fists smashed into the center of his chest. Kaidō hacked up blood as he barely kept his feet.
With the pair so close, he couldn't swing his kanabō down at them. Instead, Kaidō brought his fist down, seeking to crush their skulls. But with a loud shout of "Perfume Fleur!" Hancock kicked him in the wrist. The Emperor's right hand turned to stone along with the base of his kanabō.
Unlike previous occasions, he didn't simply overcome the petrification with haki. Rather than pull back, Kaidō instead smashed his fist into his daughter's head, letting the stone appendage shatter against her skull. He then grabbed his weapon out of the air with his left hand and took a step back before he swung it towards the pair. "Thunder Bellow Bagua!"
"Gum-Gum Dawn Gatling!" Luffy's rapid fire inflated fists smashed into not only Kaidō's attack but his entire body. Each strike pummeled the oni, driving him backwards and breaking him down. Kaidō found himself forced to relinquish his kanabō as the attack battered him. When the attack ended, Kaidō was barely standing, but he was standing nonetheless.
Unfortunately, Luffy wasn't. The white faded from his form as his color was restored. Panting for breath as his heartbeat resumed its normal rhythm, he collapsed, conscious but unable to move. Had he been fighting Kaidō alone, he'd have certainly been doomed. Luckily, he wasn't fighting alone.
Hancock sprinted towards Kaidō's stunned form as she poured every drop of both Armament and Conqueror's Haki she had left into a final strike. "Perfume Fleur Magna!" Her foot struck dead center in the Oni's chest. With her Haki so tightly concentrated, she easily slipped through Kaidō's own waning Haki. Stone spread across his body as he was petrified. Perhaps it was merely adrenaline from the fight, but Hancock almost thought he was turning to stone slower than most. Either way, in a matter of moments, the "World's Strongest Creature" was reduced to the world's strongest statue.
Yamato picked up her father's discarded kanabō, Hassaikai, and held it tight in both hands. It was an awkward weapon for her, being designed for a man well over twice her size. Still, holding it horizontally, she lunged forwards and swung with all her might. "Thunder Bagua!" She roared as she appeared on the other side of the statue that used to be her father. Nothing happened for a moment. Then, with a sound like thunder tearing open the heavens, Kaidō's form shattered into tiny pebbles, none larger than a finger. Yamato looked down at Hassaikai for a moment before shaking her head and tossing it aside carelessly. She already had her betrothal gift from Hancock and she'd rather everything about her father die with him.
With Kaidō well and truly dead, both women collapsed, more exhausted than they could ever remember being.
-]|[-
Within Shogun Orochi's chambers, he happily drank and listened to his favorite oiran, Komurasaki as she played her shamisen. Other, lesser, courtesans cozied up to him, plying him with food, drink, and flesh as they sought his favor. As the odious man casually groped two of the oiran while drinking from a saucer of sake offered by a third, Komurasaki impressed herself with her fine control. Despite the absolute loathing she felt while staring at her father's betrayer, she didn't crush her shamisen to splinters between her fingers nor snarl in hatred despite her mask hiding her face. 'Just one more month,' She thought to herself. Kozuki Hiyori, as was her true name, had been counting down the days for nearly two decades, almost her entire life. Soon, the day her mother spoke of would come. Her family would be avenged and both Kaidō and Orochi would be put to the sword for their actions against her homeland.
"Ha! Those CP0 agents, thinking I care that they have the backing of the World Government! All of them together can't match Wano when Kaidō's got our backs!" Orochi arrogantly boasted while smiling at one of the courtesans. She easily matched him with a confident but deferential smile while another on his opposite side rolled her eyes. Hiyori decided that one had to be new; a more experienced geisha wouldn't reveal her true emotions so readily.
What none of them knew was that both Orochi's party and his reign were about to come to an abrupt and violent end. The festivities were interrupted as a messenger burst into the room, out of breath and heedless of his lord's desire not to be disturbed. "Orochi-sama! It's – pant – It's Kaidō, sir! He- he was in Kuri when-"
Orochi dismissively waved a hand at his underling's distress. "What do I care if Kaidō's tearing up some shanty towns in Kuri? Even if he kills everyone there, we can always get more slaves!" He haughtily declared.
"That's not it, milord!" The messenger insisted once he caught his breath. "Kaidō-sama isn't on a rampage; he's dead!"
Hiyori's song abruptly stopped as she snapped one of her shamisen's strings. In any other situation, she'd be irritated at needing to replace it, but this was far more important. The others in the room weren't in any state to notice either. The woman pouring Orochi more sake was holding an empty bottle in her hands, having poured out the entire bottle without noticing. Orochi himself was heedless of the alcohol all over his hand and kimono as he stared at the messenger. "Don't. Don't you dare joke like that!" The tyrant shouted furiously. Underneath his anger, however, was a current of terror everyone could hear. "Kaidō is invincible! No one in Wano or out could possibly kill him!" As he spoke, Orochi transformed, becoming a giant, eight-headed serpent. All eight heads glared down at the man who dared deliver such horrible news to him.
"It's true, I swear it!" The man maintained, "Kaidō-sama was attacking someone in Okobore Town when three outsiders attacked him. His best went to deal with the intruders, but they were all defeated. The only known survivor is X. Drake-sama, who was last seen fleeing towards the coast." As the man spoke, Hiyori calmly set down her shamisen, carefully placing it to the side where it wouldn't get in her way. Then she reached into her kimono for a very special item, one she had ached to use for as long as she'd possessed it. "The outsiders, they somehow turned Kaidō-sama to stone then shattered him to pieces!" Orochi was now panicking openly rather than just inwardly. If Kaidō and his elites were out of the picture, then the rest of them were utterly irrelevant. How could he keep the dissidents in line without the threat of Kaidō hanging over their heads?
Such was his dismay that he failed to notice his favorite oiran's approach. What he did notice was the sharp pain in his chest followed by a spreading numbness as his body was forcibly changed back into a man. Looking down in disbelief, he saw Komurasaki holding the seastone tanto that was plunged into his heart. "Ko-komurasaki… why?" He gasped out, finding himself incredibly weak from both the blood loss and the effects of seastone.
Keeping one hand on the blade plunged into the heart of the man she hated most, the oiran lifted the other to her mask as she spoke, "Because, my name… is Kozuki Hiyori!" As she spoke her true name for the first time in years, Hiyori removed her mask entirely and revealed her hate filled glare. "You… you miserable wretch! You who betrayed my father! Who humiliated him! Who murdered him! You who are not one millionth of the man my father was!"
"Hey, wait!" Urgency and terror gave Orochi strength he didn't know he had, enough to keep talking. "Your father was like a brother to me! It was Kaidō's fault your family died, not mine! I loved Oden-"
"KEEP HIS NAME OUT OF YOUR FILTHY MOUTH!" Hiyori's enraged demand was punctuated by her pressing the blade even further into her nemesis' heart. The weapon jostled, ever so slightly, but in doing so, it widened the stab wound. The tanto no longer perfectly plugged the hole it had created and Orochi's blood quickly flowed out of his blackened heart. Within seconds, he was dead. Once the life faded from his eyes, Hiyori withdrew the tanto and beheaded him with a single quick motion.
When she turned to look at the rest of the room, she found everyone present bowing to her in full dogeza. "Hiyori-sama! Thank goodness you're still alive!" One of the oiran proclaimed. "We thought you lost with your family all those years ago!"
"We await your command, milady," The messenger insisted. "But… we thought the curse wouldn't come to fruition for another month?"
Hiyori was wrongfooted by their response but she was an oiran of the tayu rank. If there was one thing she knew, it was how to spin a tale. "Orochi's own actions brought the curse to fruition early. Mother believed it would take twenty years for the curse to grow strong enough to claim him as well as Kaidō, but the hatred felt for them by the whole of Wano strengthened the curse until it was able to act a whole month sooner than prophesized." Seeing them all nod, Hiyori turned to other matters, "Go now. Spread the message all across Wano: The Kozuki have returned, and Kaidō and Orochi are dead." The messenger and courtesans all got up to carry out her order when a thought occurred to the revealed princess. Pointing at one of the oiran at random, she ordered, "Wait. Have someone send for Kyoshiro; he is to report to me at once."
"It will be done, milady," They all chorused and left to spread the best news Wano had received in twenty-five years.
-]|[-
The days following Kaidō's downfall were incredibly busy. Her big (now younger) brother and Oden's retainers had reappeared, the former having arrived with the outsiders. Orochi's samurai and shinobi were put to death for betraying their oaths. The rank and file of Kaidō's forces were mopped up by the thousands of loyal samurai who had planned to answer the call of the Nine Red Scabbards. A funeral was held for Kanjuro, who fell in battle against Orochi's forces. And an incredible bounty had been taken from Onigashima in food, gold, and more. Currently, Hiyori found herself staring at what many would call the most valuable part of Kaidō's hoard: Half a dozen Devil Fruits. "He didn't have his underlings eat any of them?" She asked Shinobu.
"That is correct, Hiyori-sama," The kunoichi confirmed. "From what we understand, he intended to hold a tournament during the Fire Festival, with the winners being allowed to choose a Devil Fruit to consume. As Shogun, they are yours to do with as you please."
That was another thing to get used to. Hiyori had always known her older brother would become Shogun. But currently, he was a mere eight years old. Combined with the news of her slaying Orochi, people clamored for her to take up the mantle as ruler of Wano. Though she had accepted, Hiyori had also confided in Momonosuke that she fully intended to turn the title over to him once he was of age. More immediately important was what to do with the Devil Fruits. She understood that they would sell for a very high price, but the money taken from Onigashima and Orochi's own hoard would be more than enough to get Wano back on its feet. On the other hand, she could award them to Wano's most loyal protectors, such as Denjiro, who was even now attending her should she need him.
"Milady, if I might offer a suggestion?" Denjiro offered. When she nodded, he continued, "It might be wise to eat one of the fruits yourself. The power offered would help keep you safe, much like it did Orochi."
"Your argument is sound," Hiyori admitted, even if she hated the idea of being compared to Orochi in any shape or form. "Do we know what powers they grant?"
"Only one, Hiyori-sama," Shinobu answered. She pointed at a pink fruit that vaguely resembled the head of a pig if Hiyori squinted. "That fruit, one of the outsiders was able to identify as the Boar-Boar Fruit, a zoan type that would allow its user to turn into a wild boar."
Hiyori's nose wrinkled at the thought of turning into a boar of all things. She could think of few animals she'd want to be less. It would be better, in her opinion, to gamble with one of the other fruits. "I think I'll eat this one instead," She said and picked up a fruit that looked almost like someone had brought her a section of a tree branch with two flowers blooming from its dual stems. "Is there anything in particular I need to do?"
Shinobu shook her head, "Just take a single bite of the fruit and swallow it, Hiyori-sama. Sadly, I know of no way to improve the taste."
Though she was confused by her subject's words, Hiyori quickly took a bite out of the fruit. As soon as the taste hit her tongue, she nearly wretched. She had eaten some truly vile things during her time wandering the streets in-between leaving Kawamatsu and being found by Denjiro, but nothing could have possibly prepared her for the taste of a Devil Fruit. With the discipline she prided herself on as a samurai's daughter, Hiyori forced herself to swallow. As soon as she did, she snatched up the offered bottle from Shinobu and chugged the entirety of its contents. That it was sake barely registered as she washed the taste out of her mouth. "Urgh. After that, I don't know if I'll ever look at fruit again. How can something so vile exist?"
When neither Shinobu nor Denjiro responded, Hiyori looked at the pair in puzzlement. Both were staring slack-jawed at something over her right shoulder. Turning quickly, Hiyori was shocked to see a peach tree, its branches reaching all the way to the ceiling. When she stumbled away from it in shock, she felt a tug as a bit of wood connecting to her leg broke off. More mystified than ever, she picked one of the ripe peaches hanging from the low branches. It certainly felt like a real fruit. A closer look revealed nothing wrong, nor did a testing sniff. Before either attendant could say anything, she took a bite out of the pale peach. Liquid burst into her mouth, filling it with a sweet, delicious flavor that washed away the putrid aftertaste of her Devil Fruit.
It was only once she had eaten the entirety of the peach, heedless of the mess it made of her fine clothes, that Hiyori addressed her subjects. "I know what my power is. More importantly, I know what I must do."
-]|[-
Clad once more in attire suiting a young prince like himself, Momonosuke couldn't help but sulk. "Can't I come with you, Hiyori?" He asked of his now older sister. It was still bizarre to think the little girl he remembered was now closer to their mother's age than his own, even if he understood why on an intellectual level. Much like he understood her reasoning now on an intellectual level, no matter how much he hated it on an emotional one.
"Sorry, little brother," Yes, she definitely enjoyed being able to call him that far too much. "By birth, you should already be Shogun. I'm merely holding the seat until you're old enough in seven years." Bending down, she wiped away the tears he'd refuse to admit were gathering at the corner of his eyes. "Think of this as practice for when you're Shogun. Besides, we've already waited so long; what's a few more months? I can do more for our people by spreading my plants out there than I can staying here in the Flower Capital."
Momonosuke drew himself up and did his best to look authoritative, admittedly doing a better job than most eight-year-olds. "Very well. In that case, I will leave your protection to Kawamatsu and Kikunojo. They will keep you safe as you heal our nation." Both samurai bowed deeply in acknowledgement of their shogun's decree.
"As you command, my shogun," Hiyori gracefully agreed.
The next day, the trio set out from the Flower Capital and traveled across the lands of Wano. Wherever Hiyori walked, grasses, flowers, and trees all sprouted. Barren wastelands turned into fertile forests, filled with all kinds of fruit bearing trees for the starving masses: apples, mikans, peaches, and more. All the while, her brother repealed draconic and tyrannical laws and redistributed the stolen wealth of the people of Wano. Together, the siblings were considered saints by the people as they brought back prosperity to their stricken land.
-]|[-
"Saturn is dead."
The proclamation was like cannon fire in the otherwise silent Room of Authority deep within Pangea Castle. The other three Elders all glanced towards Marcus Mars, the one who had spoken. Nosjuro paused in polishing his Shodai Kitetsu to glare at the man over the top of his glasses. "And?" He demanded, "Why do you repeat what we already know?" The bald man's gaze turned back to his sword, taking in its perfect mirror shine that reflected his steely eyes back at him. "We all felt the connection sever." That had been the wakeup call of their very long lives. For someone to permanently harm them or even kill them never crossed their minds in their centuries of life. Yet, when that giant robot unleashed its final attack, four of them had been blasted back to the Room of Authority, suddenly exhausted. Only a few minutes later, they were no longer able to contact Saturn at all. "The Buster Call at Egghead was worse than merely disastrous: It was meaningless. The equilibrium has been irrevocably demolished, even worse than the deaths of two Emperors."
Topman Warcury continued reviewing his own reports as he chimed in, "100 ships, including 20 battleships, 30,000 soldiers, and nine Vice Admirals that we were forced to mark for death, assuming any of them survived. Along with the loss of York and the entirety of the Pacifista Project, barring the Seraphim."
Nosjuro's grip tightened at the reminder. As the Godhead of Finance, he knew better than anyone just how much those losses cost the World Government. The lost Pacifista alone was more ruinous than if they had to pay out the bounties on each of the Emperors at once. At least then, they'd have taken the most dangerous enemies to their power off the board.
Marcus Mars continued where his colleague left off, "On top of that, one of our top CP0 Agents and one of the Seraphim defected."
It fell to Nosjuro to state the true reason the Buster Call was a failure. All of the stated losses hurt, certainly, but had they otherwise succeeded in their mission, they would have been brushed off as acceptable losses. "Worst of all, Vegapunk's message got out to the world and three of his satellites survived," He growled.
"The real question," The previously silent Ju Peter stated from where he was staring out one of the massive windows, "Is how do we respond? I trust we won't be raising the Straw Hats bounties?" His question didn't even deign a shake of his colleagues' heads. Like hell they were going to release any remotely accurate information about what happened on Egghead. Besides, even the lowest of the Straw Hats bounties was well above the New World average and beyond anything found outside it. Waving larger amounts of money around would hardly change anything. "Given their heading and the Giant Pirates, their next destination should be Elbaf. What if we deployed Uranus?"
"We no longer have the means to keep it powered with the loss of the Mother Flame," Warcury reminded him, "Our current supply would allow us to deploy it two or three more times at best."
"What better usage of it than erasing Elbaf? According to our latest reports, Red Hair is there as well. Should we catch both crews at once, our situation would be reversed entirely," Nosjuro mused. "Two of our worst headaches eliminated at once."
"And if Imu-sama wishes it be used elsewhere? We have more enemies than just those two crews." The question cut off the debate. While using Uranus without Imu's orders would have been acceptable now that it proved a successful weapons platform, doing so when they only had limited uses was quite another thing.
Their meeting was interrupted by the doors slamming open. The quartet turned to glare at the intruder before their eyes widened in shock and alarm. A tall dark-skinned woman walked into the room with a refined, unhurried grace. Yet, despite her seemingly calm stroll, the floor cracked beneath her feet with every step as Conqueror's Haki radiated off her. Though she wore a white hooded-robe over her shoulders, so long that it trailed far behind her, her actual body was mostly bare. An ornamental golden gorget, clearly meant more to function as decoration rather than armor, held the ends of a strip of white cloth that covered each of her breasts then looped behind her back. Meanwhile, her pelvic region was covered by a long white loincloth that reached almost to her ankles and was secured by a fine golden chain. The woman's wrists and ankles were decorated with yet more gold, intricate bands each worth more than an entire kingdom. Atop her hooded head rested an incredibly tall and ornately engraved golden crown which ended in four points, each nearly as long as her arm. Curiously, her feet were completely bare. As she looked upon the surviving Elder Stars with her burning red eyes, all four immediately fell to one knee and bowed their heads, not even taking in the corpses of the guards outside the door.
"Imu-sama!" Shepard Ju Peter greeted the true ruler of the world with barely hidden panic. Rare was it for them to see Imu outside the Empty Throne or the Room of Flowers. And never had she appeared where anyone outside the select few aware of her existence might see her. It was truly an unprecedented situation. Worse, her normally placid and disinterested demeanor had been replaced by pure rage. "Surely, you need not come all this way, your majesty. A simple transponder-"
A glance and a flex of the Conqueror's Haki that dwarfed even their own silenced the Godhead. Such was the power wielded by the one who sat upon the Empty Throne. "Nika is to be eliminated at all costs. Elbaf, erase it. The God's Knights and S-Dragon will deal with any survivors." She did not raise her voice despite the hatred in her tone. Imu merely stated absolute truths, ones which they would turn into reality. Imu had clearly decided that the time for half-measures had passed given what happened on Egghead Island. Even without using Uranus, to send S-Dragon or the entirety of the God's Knights against almost any enemy would be overkill, but Nika had proven his tenacity beyond a doubt by killing an Elder Star and escaping the other four.
Mars was the first to respond to their new orders, "It is as the creator wills."
Without responding, the woman who had just condemned an island and an entire race to death for the crime of being her enemy's next destination walked back out of the Room of Authority. Those unfortunate few who met Imu on her way to the Room of Flowers were immediately killed with less thought or hesitation than one might step on an ant.
-]|[-
"TREASON?!" The shout rang out across the battered marine ship. A short elderly woman wearing sunglasses and headphones, Vice Admiral Bluegrass, nearly tore the newspaper in her hands in two as she read the top story. "I put my life on the line for them for fifty years and they accuse my men and I of treason?!" The elderly Vice Admiral was working herself up so much that she winced in pain as she realized she'd pulled her stitches. "Damnit. Medic!"
Nearby, a strawberry blonde woman in a pink dress with red and white cloud patterns on it sat with her back against the main mast and lamented the loss of her hat. Rear Admiral Kujaku chuckled, "I always thought that if those dirty old men finally decided I had to be punished, it would be for something I did in SWORD, not for being an inconvenient survivor." She wasn't as upset as many of her comrades were. Everyone who joined SWORD knew that they would be disavowed should they get captured and that they could easily be charged for any crimes they committed. Still, it stung to have her service tossed aside so callously. 'Grandmother is going to be so disappointed in me.'
The one other surviving vice admiral, Tokikake aka Chaton, was the most relaxed of the bunch. He simply sat on one of the deck's staircases, his arms resting on his thighs. "Technically, we're not being accused of treason specifically. It's more like anyone who survived is being accused," He 'helpfully' pointed out. "Really, I think what we should be asking ourselves is what do we do now? We've got half a dozen ships that are still seaworthy and nearly 2,600 men, the majority of whom are walking wounded." And wasn't that a sobering thought? Less than ten percent of the marines who participated in the Buster Call had survived along with a little over a dozen Cipher Pol agents. The rest had been wiped out by a number of factors: The Buster Call itself, the Pacifista, the Straw Hats, the Giants, or even just the callousness of the Elder Stars. Said callousness was now on full display with the cover story in the newspaper.
Their final "commanding officer", so to speak, was still being tended to by one of the various doctors. Thankfully, as they were all kept on the ships away from the fighting, more of them survived than most. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I intend to join up with the Vegapunk satellites," Stussy remarked, fighting a grimace as her gut wound flared up. 'Say what you will about him as a person, Lucci certainly lives up to his prodigy status.' "They're all I have left of my old friend."
"Joining up with that naughty Straw Hat boy?" Kujaku joked.
If she wanted to get a rise out of the older blonde, she was in for a disappointment. "If that's what it takes," Was Stussy's blunt answer.
"There's an idea," Chaton considered. "Garp sometimes told me about his grandson. He causes trouble wherever he goes but he's a good kid, or so Garp says. And it's clear he's going to be at the center of whatever's coming. I think I'd at least like to know exactly why we were sentenced to death."
Bluegrass spoke up once her stitches were fixed, "You're suggesting we join the so-called Straw Hat Grand Fleet? Become pirates ourselves?" Her tone made it clear she wasn't happy with the suggestion.
Chaton shrugged. "We certainly can't make it on our own. Nowhere to resupply and orders are for us to be shot on sight."
"The Straw Hats are Peacemains. Nowhere near as naughty as most of the crews out there," Kujaku's words might have suggested she was in favor, but her tone conveyed an indifference to the idea of becoming an Emperor's subordinate.
"I, for one, am all for it," Stussy remarked. In an attempt at levity, she said, "It'd certainly make my reunion easier if I don't have to steal away in the night with one of the dinghies."
An uncomfortable look on her face, Bluegrass chewed over the idea. It was true they didn't exactly have a wealth of options. And from what they knew of the actions of Straw Hat's subordinates, he certainly didn't seem to be too invested in controlling everything they did. Or possibly anything they did. After a long minute, she relented, "Alright, fine. We'll need a few days to salvage as much as possible and get enough sailors up and moving. Then we'll make the announcement to the men."
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Outside a bar on the island of Elbaf, reunions over a decade in the making were taking place as two Emperors and their crews met. "Anchor!" Shanks laughingly greeted Luffy, "Look at you, moving up in the world! A big bad Emperor now, are we? What's this about you getting married and not even inviting us to the wedding?" Luffy's reply was only heard by those within a few feet, the noise of the party drowning them out otherwise.
Both Robins were finding their own entertainment. Nico Robin was telling stories to Chopper (and a number of assorted hangers-on) while Jaguar Robin was laughing at her family's antics while enjoying her drink. From where she sat, she could spot Usopp animatedly telling a story to his father, Dorry, and Brogy. She idly wondered if he was even bothering to lie, given the adventures they'd had. Nami and Lucky Roux seemed to be having a drinking contest using entire barrels of liquor. After all these years, Robin still had no idea how she did that without looking like Luffy after a feast. Jinbe was… playing some kind of game with a couple giants. Sanji was being led off by his wife, likely to find somewhere private; Robin knew Smoothie wasn't particularly fond of large parties. Not like Franky, who was currently leading a number of pirates and giants in a dance.
Benn Beckman sat down next to Robin and lit a cigarette. After a moment to take a puff, he silently offered his pack to the older woman, only to be waved off. He returned his cigarettes to his jacket and remarked, "So you're the one who's been saddled with riding herd over our little anchor and his lot."
"I'd hardly say I was saddled with it," She demurred. "They're my children and I want them to achieve their dreams. Besides, they never need more than a slight nudge here and there." Indeed, when she had started this time around, Robin had already achieved her own dream and thought she might be merely along for the ride. But her time with her crew had given her a new dream: Helping each of them achieve theirs. That more than anything was what made her realize they were her children, even Brook who was still older than her.
Beckman took a deep drag off his cigarette before replying, "I suppose yours isn't nearly as thankless a job as keeping an eye on my idiot captain can be." When she shook her head with a fond smile, he nodded. "Yeah, I should have guessed. You keep an eye on Anchor, you hear? I'm sure you don't need me telling you what kind of trouble he'll be getting into."
The sound of a piano beginning to play caught the ears of everyone present, each and every one of them recognizing the tune. Looking towards where the music was coming from, they saw Brook in front of a grand piano with Shanks' daughter, Uta, standing next to him. Hand to her heart, the young woman began singing, "Yo ho ho ho, Yo ho ho ho~ Yo ho ho ho, Yo ho ho ho~ Yo ho ho ho, Yo ho ho ho~ Yo ho ho ho, Yo ho ho ho~"
By the time she finished the first half of the opening, everyone joined in. "Gather up all of the crew~ It's time to ship out Binks' Brew~ Sea wind blows~ To where? Who knows? The waves will be our guide~"
Luffy and Yamato lifted their brides onto their shoulders and though the women blushed fiercely, they nonetheless belted out the song along with everyone else. "O'er across the ocean's tide~ Rays of sunshine far and wide~ Birds they sing of cheerful things, in circles passing by~"
Nami laughed gaily with one foot stepping on the passed-out form of Lucky Roux as she sang. Bart and Desire slurred the words in their drunkenness, the duo being relative lightweights among the crew. Even Zoro sang along between swigs of mead. "Bid farewell to weaver's town~ Say so long to port renowned~ Sing a song, it won't be long before we're casting off~"
"Cross the gold and silver seas~ The salty spray puts us at ease~ Day and night, to our delight, the voyage never-" Everyone's slowly trailed off as the clouds overhead suddenly darkened. No one could tell the cause and several loudly questioned what was going on. Robin overheard one of the giants mentioning there weren't any Sky Islands anywhere near Elbaf.
Luffy, Shanks, and Yasopp suddenly looked upwards, expressions of disbelief and horror etched on their faces. Robin still found herself drawing a blank as she tried to remember something like this happening before. Then, the clouds turned green and terrified realization ran through her. All that came out of her mouth was a dread-filled, "No…"
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Omake: What if Smoker ran into Gilf Robin at Loguetown?
"Jaguar Robin." Robin didn't look up from her book at the voice. It was a book she hadn't read before and thus, something to be savored. Anything less than a Warlord was currently Not Her Problem. Instead, she took another sip of her coffee as she continued reading.
Unfortunately, it seemed Captain Smoker refused to take no for an answer. Or rather, a lack of answer for an answer. The Marine reached his hand up towards his jitte as he stared down what was by far the highest bounty that had ever come through Loguetown while he was stationed there. "Jaguar Robin," He repeated in his growly voice, "You are under arrest for crimes against the World Government. Are you going to come quietly?"
A fourth arm, two already holding her book and a third her coffee, lifted a forkful of pecan coffee cake to her mouth. Robin took her time chewing, knowing that her nonchalance only served to further aggravate Smoker. Once she had swallowed, a hand dabbed her lips with a napkin before replying, "No, I don't believe I'll be going anywhere with you, Smoker-kun. I think I'll continue reading this delightful novel and enjoying this charming café until my children are done shopping. Then we'll be on our way and you can continue protecting this town from pirates." Turning a page, she offered, "So just sit tight for a few hours and we'll be out of your hair and on the Grand Line before you know it."
"I refuse!" Smoker drew his jitte and pointed it at Robin. "So long as I'm a marine and you're a criminal, I'll do everything in my power to stop you."
Robin sighed but still didn't look at him. "Ara ara, I'm afraid you're mistaken, Smoker-kun. I wasn't asking." A hand grabbed his neck in an iron grip and pulled him backwards into a chair he never noticed being moved behind him. The Marine captain tried to turn to smoke, only to find he couldn't escape, especially as several more blackened arms sprung from the chair and held him fast. Robin finally glanced up, though she was clearly looking at something behind Smoker. "Oh, just in time. Since you refuse to play nicely," Robin stood up and casually ripped Smoker's prized seastone tipped weapon from his hand, "I'll be taking this."
She walked out of Smoker's line of sight, though he could hear her call, "Yamato, dear, I got you a late wedding gift." Another woman, clearly this Yamato she mentioned, ecstatically cheered as the two walked away. True to her word, Smoker would be held in place for the next few hours, until the Straw Hat Pirates set sail.
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AN: Kaidō be like "Damn girl, I'd have thrown my daughter at you if I knew I'd get a fight this good out of it!" Meanwhile, Pudding gives her mother the finger by being part of the most successful marriage alliance imaginable but also wanting nothing to do with her mother. Then we have the duality of how I treat Sanji: He gets a waifu but he also ends up one of the mid-tiers as far as bounties go. I almost had Zoro hookup with Reiju, simply for the idea of Sanji having to admit that Zoro is a better brother than his own brothers, each word sounding like it's taking a decade off his life.
Anyway, Kaidō has more natural zoans but less total Devil Fruit users due to Doflamingo being taken out before he could start the SMILE trade (from what I can remember/find, it started 2 years before Luffy's journey started, which is 2 years after Kuma rocked his shit in this story). Instead, Kaidō had to spend resources finding as many Devil Fruits as he could, with a preference for zoans. Which makes sense given the man's philosophy: A zoan can't make the weak strong but it can make the strong stronger. Jack's death was taken from "Deadpool and Wolverine", because killing someone with a skeleton is brutal as fuck, so I figured only Robin might do that, let alone killing someone with their own skeleton. As for Kanjuro, gilf Robin dealt with him personally, framing his death as that of a loyal retainer of the Kozuki. Fishman and Dressrosa got largely or entirely skipped over because Robin already handled their problems years prior, leaving them as total nothings overall. The Straw Hat Grand Fleet isn't as large as canon due to it being more individual crews deciding to swear themselves as Luffy's subordinates one by one rather than the canon of seven crews, totaling over 5k men, all swear themselves to the Straw Hats at once at the end of Dressrosa. Members include Bart's old gang, the New Giant Warrior Pirates, the New Sun Pirates, the Kuja Pirates, and the defecting Marines.
Due to Robin's actions, Vegapunk never got the samples from Kuma nor turned him into a Pacifista, meaning the ones on Egghead weren't the Mark III, but more like the pre-timeskip prototypes in terms of power (more gadgets and abilities but less overall raw power). Rather than a Buccaneer, Vegapunk ended up using samples taken from Fishmen and Minks to create the original Pacifista. And because this is crack, I decided to be horny and they're basically 15ft tiger-striped Halibels. As the first scene suggested, they have a certain amount of seastone built into them (mostly their hands), making them extremely effective against devil fruit users.
Obviously, I'm running on the theory that the Five Elders are ageless, if not necessarily outright immortal. And running with a meme theory/idea I saw once that Imu is a woman. Also obviously, I'm a total asshole to end this story on that note.